Health Journal Online

Category: Mental Health

  • What Is Mindfulness? – Mindful

    What Is Mindfulness? – Mindful

    Summary

    What Is Mindfulness? The practice of being fully present and aware of your current experience—without overreacting or getting lost in thoughts.

    Core Concept: It’s an innate human ability that you can access and cultivate through practices like seated, walking, standing, or moving meditation.

    Benefits: Mindfulness enhances focus and performance, reduces stress, deepens self-insight, and fosters compassion toward oneself and others.

    Practical Insights:

    • Everyday Integration: Mindfulness can be applied through brief pauses and by merging it with activities such as yoga or sports.
    • Mind-Body Connection: Mindfulness meditation begins in the body; awareness of your physical posture and sensations is essential.

    Meditation Posture Tips:

    • Sit on a stable surface (chair, cushion, bench) ensuring your feet are grounded or legs comfortably crossed.
    • Keep your spine naturally curved, shoulders relaxed, and chin slightly dropped. Let your gaze be soft.
    • Focus on your breath and gently return your attention when distractions arise.

    What Is Mindfulness?

    Mindfulness. It’s a pretty straightforward word. It suggests that the mind is fully attending to what’s happening, to what you’re doing, to the space you’re moving through. That might seem trivial, except for the annoying fact that we so often veer from the matter at hand. Our mind takes flight, we lose touch with our body, and pretty soon we’re engrossed in obsessive thoughts about something that just happened or fretting about the future. And that makes us anxious.

    Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive.

    Yet no matter how far we drift away, mindfulness is right there to snap us back to where we are and what we’re doing and feeling. If you want to know what mindfulness is, it’s best to try it for a while. Since it’s hard to nail down in words, you will find slight variations in the meaning in books, websites, audio, and video.

    The Definition of Mindfulness

    Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

    Mindfulness is a quality that every human being already possesses, it’s not something you have to conjure up, you just have to learn how to access it.

    The Types of Mindfulness Practice

    While mindfulness is innate, it can be cultivated through proven techniques. Here are some examples:

    1. Seated, walking, standing, and moving meditation (it’s also possible lying down but often leads to sleep);
    2. Short pauses we insert into everyday life;
    3. Merging meditation practice with other activities, such as yoga or sports.

    The Benefits of Mindfulness Practice:

    When we meditate it doesn’t help to fixate on the benefits, but rather to just do the practice, and yet there are benefits or no one would do it.

    When we’re mindful, we reduce stress, enhance performance, gain insight and awareness through observing our own mind, and increase our attention to others’ well-being.

    Mindfulness meditation gives us a time in our lives when we can suspend judgment and unleash our natural curiosity about the workings of the mind, approaching our experience with warmth and kindness—to ourselves and others.

    8 Facts About Mindfulness:

    1. Mindfulness is not obscure or exotic. It’s familiar to us because it’s what we already do, how we already are. It takes many shapes and goes by many names.
    2. Mindfulness is not a special added thing we do. We already have the capacity to be present, and it doesn’t require us to change who we are. But we can cultivate these innate qualities with simple practices that are scientifically demonstrated to benefit ourselves, our loved ones, our friends and neighbors, the people we work with, and the institutions and organizations we take part in
    3. You don’t need to change. Solutions that ask us to change who we are or become something we’re not have failed us over and over again. Mindfulness recognizes and cultivates the best of who we are as human beings.
    4. Mindfulness has the potential to become a transformative social phenomenon. Here’s why:
    5. Anyone can do it. Mindfulness practice cultivates universal human qualities and does not require anyone to change their beliefs. Everyone can benefit and it’s easy to learn.
    6. It’s a way of living.  Mindfulness is more than just a practice. It brings awareness and caring into everything we do—and it cuts down needless stress. Even a little mindfulness makes our lives better.
    7. It’s evidence based. We don’t have to take mindfulness on faith. Both science and experience demonstrate its positive benefits for our health, happiness, work, and relationships.
    8. It sparks innovation. As we deal with our world’s increasing complexity and uncertainty, mindfulness can lead us to effective, resilient, low-cost responses to seemingly intransigent problems.

    Mindfulness Is Not All in Your Head

    When we think about mindfulness and meditating (with a capital M), we can get hung up on thinking about our thoughts: we’re going to do something about what’s happening in our heads. It’s as if these bodies we have are just inconvenient sacks for our brains to lug around.

    Having it all remain in your head, though, lacks a feeling of good old gravity.

    Meditation begins and ends in the body. It involves taking the time to pay attention to where we are and what’s going on.

    That approach can make it seem like floating—as though we don’t have to walk. We can just waft.

    But meditation begins and ends in the body. It involves taking the time to pay attention to where we are and what’s going on, and that starts with being aware of our body. That very act can be calming, since our body has internal rhythms that help it relax if we give it a chance.

    How to Sit for Meditation Practice

    Here’s a posture practice that can be used as the beginning stage of a period of meditation practice or simply as something to do for a minute, maybe to stabilize yourself and find a moment of relaxation before going back into the fray. If you have injuries or other physical difficulties, you can modify this to suit your situation.

    1. Take your seat. Whatever you’re sitting on—a chair, a meditation cushion, a park bench—find a spot that gives you a stable, solid seat, not perching or hanging back.
    2. Notice what your legs are doing. If on a cushion on the floor, cross your legs comfortably in front of you. (If you already do some kind of seated yoga posture, go ahead.) If on a chair, it’s good if the bottoms of your feet are touching the floor.
    3. Straighten—but don’t stiffen— your upper body. The spine has natural curvature. Let it be there. Your head and shoulders can comfortably rest on top of your vertebrae.
    4. Situate your upper arms parallel to your upper body. Then let your hands drop onto the tops of your legs. With your upper arms at your sides, your hands will land in the right spot. Too far forward will make you hunch. Too far back will make you stiff. You’re tuning the strings of your body—not too tight and not too loose.
    5. Drop your chin a little and let your gaze fall gently downward. You may let your eyelids lower. If you feel the need, you may lower them completely, but it’s not necessary to close your eyes when meditating. You can simply let what appears before your eyes be there without focusing on it.
    6. Be there for a few moments. Relax. Pay attention to your breath or the sensations in your body.
    7. Begin again. When your posture is established, feel your breath—or some say “follow” it—as it goes out and as it goes in. (Some versions of the practice put more emphasis on the outbreath, and for the inbreath you simply leave a spacious pause.) Inevitably, your attention will leave the breath and wander to other places. When you get around to noticing this—in a few seconds, a minute, five minutes—return your attention to the breath. Don’t bother judging yourself or obsessing over the content of the thoughts. Come back. You go away, you come back.
    8. That’s it. That’s the practice. It’s often been said that it’s very simple, but it’s not necessarily easy. The work is to just keep doing it. Results will accrue.

    Try This Beginner’s Mindfulness Meditation:

    A 5-Minute Breathing Meditation To Cultivate Mindfulness. This practice is designed to reduce stress, anxiety, and negative emotions, cool yourself down when your temper flares, and sharpen your concentration skills.

    Learn more About Mindfulness:

    Explore the science of mindfulness, learn how to meditate, and how to practice mindful movement, plus dispel some of the myths of mindfulness with Mindful’s Getting Started Guide.

    How to Practice Mindfulness 

    Becoming more aware of where you are and what you’re doing, without becoming overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around you.
    Read More 

    • Mindful Staff
    • December 12, 2018

    5 Simple Mindfulness Practices for Daily Life 

    Your day-to-day activities offer ample opportunities to call up mindfulness in any moment. These simple practices will breathe space into your daily routines.
    Read More 

    • Parneet Pal, Carley Hauck, Elisha Goldstein, Kyra Bobinet, and Cara Bradley
    • October 14, 2024



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  • Mindful On Set: The Righteous Gemstones’ Kerstin Schulze on Playing Sola and Staying Grounded

    Mindful On Set: The Righteous Gemstones’ Kerstin Schulze on Playing Sola and Staying Grounded

    Kerstin Schulze is a force of nature—an actor, elite fitness trainer, and founder of a performance-focused wellness company whose approach to movement is as intentional as it is powerful. Best known for her role as Sola, the mysterious German nanny with a surprising kung fu twist on HBO comedy The Righteous Gemstones, Schulze brings a unique blend of physical discipline and grounded presence to every role she inhabits (a range that also encompasses “Workout Tina” Fey for Booking.com and a killer clown on American Horror Story: Roanoke).

    In this conversation, we explore how mindfulness manifests in her training, acting process, and daily life and what it takes to stay centered while navigating high-performance environments both on screen and off.

    Angela Stubbs: You play Sola, a German nanny and kung-fu practitioner on the most recent season of The Righteous Gemstones.  Can you discuss what initially drew you to the character Sola, which characteristics you share with her, and how your day-to-day personality differs from hers?

    Kerstin Schulze: When I first received the script and audition notice for Sola, the description called for a tall, German or Scandinavian woman who could do kung fu and was very centered. And immediately, I thought—this is me. I felt such a strong connection to the character; I didn’t have to imagine how she might feel because, in so many ways, I’ve lived her experience. I’ve always been a caretaker and a nurturer at heart. Physically, I’m strong, and with over 30 years spent helping people feel better about themselves, I understood Sola’s mission on a deep level. She’s all about helping others—and that resonated with me completely.

    What I loved about Sola is that she’s grounded and nurturing, yet tough. When I built her backstory, I imagined she came from a wealthy European family where, despite having everything, she felt emotionally neglected. That gave her a purpose: to work with families, not for money, but to help children find stability and bring broken homes back together. That motivation shaped how I played her.

    I understood Sola’s mission on a deep level. She’s all about helping others—and that resonated with me completely.

    I also had a very specific vision for her look. I drew inspiration from Mrs. Bower in Frankenstein—very German, very stern, always put together. The show actually used that exact look in the final version, which I loved.

    The range they gave her made the role special—from the intense fight scenes to her emotional connection with Baby Billy in the end. That moment where she tells him, “They need you,” was so powerful. And her bond with Tiffany, this sweet, pure soul, felt incredibly meaningful. Tiffany’s innocence and sincerity brought out the protector in Sola, and I connected to the purity and depth of that relationship.

    Sola feels like such a grounded and self-aware character, and it struck me that to portray someone like her convincingly, an actor has to bring a real depth of presence and awareness. That kind of groundedness can come from life experience, mindfulness, or even physical practices like kung fu, which plays a key role in who Sola is.

    This has me wondering about the duality of preparing for the physical demands of kung fu while cultivating the inner awareness and emotional depth needed to embody Sola on set, especially amid the chaos and energy of filming.

    Even before I got the role, I was deeply involved in martial arts and mindfulness practices like meditation. I meditate daily—it’s a non-negotiable part of my life. I use it to ground myself, and I really believe in the power of positive affirmations. When my mind starts drifting into negative thoughts, I try to redirect them. That daily practice of mindfulness helped me stay centered not just in life, but especially on set, where there’s so much chaos happening around you.

    When you’re filming, there are hundreds of people on set—cameras, directors, crew—so having those tools came in handy. I could focus, block out all the distractions, and just be present in Sola’s world. It allowed me to connect deeply with who she is and to respond authentically, especially in scenes with Baby Billy. The groundedness people see in Sola on screen is the groundedness I’ve worked hard to cultivate in myself.

    That daily practice of mindfulness helped me stay centered not just in life, but especially on set, where there’s so much chaos happening around you.

    But I didn’t always have that. It started after my divorce, when I was 40. That was a turning point for me. I went to therapy, I committed to meditation, and I did a lot of inner work to understand myself more clearly. I had to ask hard questions, like why I chose a relationship that was so negative. That journey toward self-awareness changed everything for me. And now, 10 years later, I feel like the universe brought me this role because it reflects precisely where I am in life. Sola is grounded, purposeful, and strong—and so am I.

    Kerstin Schulze on Fitness and Being a Kung-Fu Nanny

    It sounds like your mindfulness and martial arts practices helped you meet Sola with a deep sense of presence, both physically and emotionally. You mentioned how much focus this role required—not just in the fight scenes but also in staying grounded amid the chaos on set. This reminds me of The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, which explores how our bodies hold onto experience and how that mind-body connection is key to healing and awareness.

    So I’m curious: Do you feel like your ability to stay grounded on set and fully embody Sola came from that long-term mind-body work you’ve done? And how has that awareness shaped the way you approach acting in general?

    Our cells hold everything—our thoughts, our emotions—they live our experiences. I’ve always been a tough woman. I had to fight to survive. So the toughness in Sola came naturally to me. What I had to work on more deeply was her softness—that quiet strength. As women, I think we’re still learning how to be both soft and strong, and how to find balance between the two.

    With Sola, she didn’t say much, but her presence spoke volumes. Her body language carried the message. I think that’s true for all of us—we can walk into a room and say so much without speaking a word. It all comes down to how grounded, mindful, and self-aware we are. And when you know who you are, you can show up authentically—you can truly listen without being in your head, already preparing your response.

    The kung-fu nanny is the brain-child of Danny McBride because, of course it is! But let’s talk about the kung fu. A lot of people meeting you for the first time might not realize you have a long background as an athlete, going all the way back to childhood. Do you feel that background made it easier to step into the physicality of Sola—especially the kung fu aspects? Or were there new challenges that came with learning and embodying that particular discipline?

    I’ve been an athlete for as long as I can remember—I competed in the Junior Olympics in Berlin when I was 12—so that background definitely helped. When I got the role, they wanted Sola to know kata (a detailed sequence of movements in karate, performed as an exercise), which I wasn’t trained in. I had done martial arts, kickboxing, weapons work with sticks and knives, but not kata specifically. So I found a kata master and trained every single day. I’m a very visual learner, so I’d study his movements, then drill them until it looked and felt authentic.

    Because of my athletic training, I pick things up quickly, and I took this seriously—knowing millions of people would see it, I wanted it to be right. I trained everywhere: in the pool, in hotel rooms, at home. Then, on set, they switched the camera angles last minute, which meant I had to improvise and adjust on the spot. Knowing the purpose behind each kata movement helped me stay grounded and adapt.

    I trained everywhere: in the pool, in hotel rooms, at home. Then, on set, they switched the camera angles last minute. Knowing the purpose behind each kata movement helped me stay grounded and adapt.

    The fight scenes were intense—we only saw a fraction of what was filmed. I had to pick up and throw someone, smash a vase on a head (fiberglass, thankfully), pull someone off a pool table, slam a head on a piano. It was all very physical. I did about 95% of my own stunts because I wanted it to feel real. All my years of strength and martial arts training really came into play.

    How many takes did you do for all of the kung fu scenes?

    The kata scene by the water was intense—it was scorching hot, and I probably ran through the routine at least 10 times just for my solo shots. Then we filmed from multiple angles, which took about half a day.

    The fight scenes were a full-day shoot. We repeated them over and over. I worked closely with the stunt coordinators—I even had to pick someone up and flip them. The only part I didn’t do myself was the final throw. I asked my stunt double to do that one because I didn’t want to risk injuring anyone. I wasn’t confident I could safely execute that move.

    You mentioned training every day for this role, but outside of acting, you also work as a trainer with everyone from actors to older adults, and you’ve developed your own program, Fitness for the Busy Lifestyle. Can you talk about how body awareness shapes the way you design workouts, and what inspired you to create something specifically for people with limited time or unique physical needs?

    Fitness for the Busy Lifestyle started from my own life—being a single mom, training clients all day, and still finding time to stay fit. I created efficient 30-minute workouts (or even 5-10 minute routines) that work for busy people, travelers, and those with injuries or stress. It’s all about working smarter, staying consistent, and building strength to support your body long-term.

    There’s a saying—everyone should meditate for 10 minutes a day, and if you don’t have 10 minutes, you should meditate for an hour. The point is, the busier or more stressed you are, the more you probably need that pause. And I think the same applies to movement. Sure, there are days when injuries or time constraints make it hard, but that doesn’t mean doing nothing. Even a few minutes of mindful movement—like leg lifts in the kitchen or squats at your desk—can make a difference.

    The same is true for meditation. People often feel that if they don’t have 30 minutes, it’s not worth it. But even one minute of conscious breathing can shift your state. Just paying attention to the breath—how it feels coming in and going out—grounds you.

    How you start the day is everything, but most people underestimate it. I always tell my clients to be grateful before they even get out of bed. Be grateful that you woke up, that you can walk, open your fridge, and step outside. Just those small moments of mindfulness can completely shift your mindset.

    Starting your day with gratitude grounds you. That’s what meditation is—coming back to what matters. Breathing. Being alive.

    Starting your day with gratitude grounds you. That’s what meditation is—coming back to what matters—breathing, being alive. Everything else—goals, money, pressure—is just noise. Life is fragile. We forget that. We chase so much, but real peace comes from connection, presence, and treating our bodies and minds with care.

    So why wouldn’t we take five minutes to speak kindly to ourselves? To move? You don’t need a gym. You can do curls sitting down or glute work while folding laundry. It’s all in how you choose to see it.

    Choosing Growth Over Fear

    On a bigger-picture level, when it comes to memorizing lines, do you have any mindfulness practices or physical habits that help you stay grounded? Are you someone who struggles with memorization, or do you have any go-to tips or tricks for running lines—especially if you’re feeling stuck or under pressure?

    The best way I learn lines is through mindful movement—I walk or exercise while running them. On set, you’re never just sitting still delivering a line; you’re always doing something. So learning lines while moving helps make it feel more natural in performance.

    Another big part of it is understanding the meaning behind the words. Even if I don’t remember every word exactly, if I know what I’m trying to say and what I’m trying to get from the other person in the scene, it comes through. It’s all about the objective—why am I in this scene, what’s my character trying to accomplish, and how does that move the story forward? When you’re clear on that, and the writing is strong, the lines tend to flow naturally.

    That said, I also record my lines and listen to them on repeat, like music—sometimes even while I sleep. And I read the script over and over until it’s just in me. The repetition helps it feel authentic, like second nature.

    A big breakthrough for me was realizing it’s not just about learning lines, but truly understanding what I’m saying, just like in meditation, where slowing down forces you to hear yourself, which can be scary for some.

    Fear of being alone with our thoughts is real. The mind doesn’t just slow down because we want it to—and we can’t turn it off. But instead of attaching to every thought or emotion, we can observe them, name them, and let them pass like weather, creating distance between us and the story we tell ourselves.

    No, the mind never fully shuts off—absolutely. I always say 10% is what happens to us, and 90% is how we respond. Our mind might stay busy, but our awareness—our conscious state—decides what we do with that. So if I feel anxious, I’ll ask myself: Why? Maybe I have too much on my plate. Then I know I need to breathe, talk to someone, or take a step back.

    When I created Sola and then found myself on set with all these A-list stars, there were definitely moments of impostor syndrome. But I’ve realized that those feelings tend to come right before growth.

    Same with sadness. Instead of labeling it as negative, I allow it. I ask myself: What’s behind this feeling? And I give myself a 10-minute pity party if I need to—but then I move on.

    The last thing I want to ask is: If you could share one mindful insight that’s helped you bring Sola to life, or one that’s guiding you in your own life right now, what would it be?

    Through Sola, I’ve learned that when we feel that overwhelming imposter syndrome, it often just means we’re leveling up.

    When I created Sola and then found myself on set with all these A-list stars, there were definitely moments of impostor syndrome. But I’ve realized that those feelings tend to come right before growth. Every time I’ve felt that doubt, it’s actually been a sign I’m stepping into something bigger.

    So now, instead of resisting it, I embrace it. I remind myself: I can do this. I was just offered another role in a feature film, and in the past, I might have second-guessed myself. But now, I approach it with gratitude and without judgment.

    I think we grow into our next chapters by stepping into the unknown. And that unknown can be beautiful—because you learn, you stretch, and you evolve.

    With Sola, some parts felt familiar, but others were totally new. I’ve never been a nanny or a kung fu master, and I’ve never had to deal with someone like Baby Billy! But I embraced it. And that’s the biggest lesson: Embrace what comes, learn from it, and don’t judge yourself along the way.



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  • Let It Go: How to Practice Forgiveness

    Let It Go: How to Practice Forgiveness

    When you’ve been hurt by someone, it’s not always easy to let it go. But holding on to a grudge will only make you feel worse—and not just emotionally. Resentment can cause your blood pressure to spike and trigger the release of stress chemicals that can make you physically sick. And the truth is: It doesn’t really do any good anyway. As the saying goes: “Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

    The paradox is, when you’ve been wronged, forgiveness is the only thing that provides relief from the pain. Sound like a bitter pill to swallow? Read on to learn how to practice forgiveness of others (and yourself), helping you release the heavy burden of resentment and experience more freedom.

    1. Understand forgiveness

    Before you attempt to force forgiveness on your most tender hurts, consider what it is you’re asking of yourself: Forgiving doesn’t mean that you condone what happened or that the perpetrator is blameless. It is making the conscious choice to release yourself from the burden, pain, and stress of holding on to resentment.

    Forgiving doesn’t mean that you condone what happened or that the perpetrator is blameless. It is making the conscious choice to release yourself from the burden, pain, and stress of holding on to resentment.

    2. Feel your pain

    Hurts can run deep, even if at first glance they don’t seem to make a big impact. It’s important to give yourself permission to acknowledge and honor the pain that’s very real for you. Notice where you feel it in your body and ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Maybe you need to feel supported, take more time, or do something kind for yourself. Allowing space for the pain in this way can help you know whether you’re ready to release it from your heart and mind.

    3. Name it

    Whether you’ve hurt yourself or have been hurt by another, allow yourself to be honest and simply name the feelings that are there. They might include guilt, grief, shame, sorrow, confusion, or anger. As you consider the act of forgiveness, any of these feelings can arise. A study at UCLA found that when you name your emotional experience it turns the volume down on your amygdala, the emotion center of the brain, and brings resources back to your pre-frontal cortex, the rational part of your brain. So, by naming the feeling you can create space and not get overwhelmed.

    4. Let it out

    Keeping hurt feelings bottled up only causes additional stress to your mind and body. Even if the memory is difficult to confront, see if you can share how you’re feeling. You can write about it in a journal or talk about it with a friend or a professional counselor. Sharing helps you expand your perspective, and perhaps even see what happened through a different lens.

    5. Flip your focus

    If possible, see if you can flip your focus from being the victim to putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. For example, consider the life the person lived that led them to this hurtful action. This is difficult to do, but remember, you’re not condoning any action. This exercise is just about trying to see that, as humans, we are deeply impacted by our own traumas and life experiences, which greatly inform how we show up and act in the world. If you are able to do this, compassion naturally tends to flow from this more understanding perspective.

    6. Take action (start small)

    Whether you are forgiving yourself or another person, taking action can help to facilitate healing and make you feel more empowered. It’s best to start with smaller misdeeds to get into practice and feel what’s possible. Writing a letter or having an uncomfortable conversation can be difficult and even scary, but often a sense of empowerment emerges from the self-compassionate action of listening to yourself and doing something that supports you.

    7. Remember, you’re not the first or last

    When you’ve been hurt, it’s common to feel like you’re the only one who has ever been wronged in this way. In fact, it’s likely that this transgression (or something similar to it) has been made many, maybe even millions of times before throughout human history. Making mistakes is part of our shared human experience. Remembering you are not alone in experiencing this kind of pain can help to loosen your grip on your resentment.

    8. Have patience; forgiveness is a practice

    Forgiveness isn’t a quick-fix solution. It’s a process, so be patient with yourself. With smaller transgressions, forgiveness can happen pretty quickly, but with the larger ones, it can take years. As you begin with the smaller misdeeds and then move onto the harder ones, be kind to yourself, take deep breaths, and continue on.

    9. Stop blaming

    We all know it can feel good now and again to complain to a friend—misery loves company, right? Well, not exactly. Researcher Brené Brown, author of Rising Strong, says, “Blaming is a way to discharge pain and discomfort.” It gives us a false sense of control but inevitably keeps the negativity kicking around in our minds, increasing our stress and eroding our relationships.

    10. Practice more mindfulness

    A recent study surveyed 94 adults who had been cheated on by their partners, and found a correlation between traits of mindfulness and forgiveness. In other words, it can be said that the more you practice mindfulness, the more you strengthen your capacity for forgiveness.

    11. Find meaning and strength through your pain

    As you practice working with the pain that’s there, you grow key strengths of self-compassion, courage, and empathy that inevitably make you stronger in every way. As psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, even in the most horrific and painful circumstances, we have the freedom to create meaning in life, which is a powerful healing agent.

    How to Practice Forgiveness: A Mini-Meditation

    Try this short practice once a day and feel your forgiveness muscles growing.

    1. Think of someone who has caused you pain (to start, maybe not the person who has hurt you most) and you’re holding a grudge against. Visualize the time you were hurt by this person and feel the pain you still carry. Hold tightly to your unwillingness to forgive.
    2. Now, observe what emotion is present. Is it anger, resentment, sadness? Use your body as a barometer and notice physically what you feel. Are you tense anywhere, or do you feel heavy? Next, bring awareness to your thoughts; are they hateful, spiteful, or something else?
    3. Really feel this burden associated with the hurt that lives inside you, and ask yourself:
      “Who is suffering?
      Have I carried this burden long enough?
      Am I willing to forgive?”
      If the answer is no, that’s OK. Some wounds need more time than others to heal.
    4. If you are ready to let it go now, silently repeat these phrases: “Breathing in, I acknowledge the pain. Breathing out, I am forgiving and releasing this burden from my heart and mind.”
    5. Continue this process for as long as it feels supportive to you.

    This article appeared in the April 2017 issue of Mindful magazine.



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  • How to Model Mindfulness When Talking to Kids

    How to Model Mindfulness When Talking to Kids

    Kids are highly perceptive—so how can we give them feedback while also modeling mindfulness, calm, and kindness? Mindfulness Director and educator Alex Tzelnic shares tried-and-true tips for effective, mindful communication, whether in the classroom or at home.

    Summary

    • Modeling mindfulness when we communicate with kids and students is a research-backed educational tool.
    • Giving wise feedback is a framework for encouraging students’ learning, without the sense they’re being criticized.
    • Teachers can create a Mindful Language Cheat Sheet with go-to phrases for clarity, calm, and kindness.

    As much as we might like to believe that growing up involves possessing wisdom, kids have a way of undermining that perception. Think of how often our most well-intentioned advice is met with a dramatic eye roll. It can even feel like sarcasm is the primary purpose of eyeballs, with sight being just a byproduct, particularly if it is unsolicited feedback you’ve deigned to offer up.

    Yet kids are also often in need of feedback. Without feedback they would be in danger of losing the eyes they are so adept at rolling (“Don’t run with scissors!”). Of course, their job is to test boundaries, and our job as educators and caregivers is to nudge them toward navigating those boundaries independently without letting them fall off the cliff. It can be a delicate balance.

    As a Mindfulness Director at a PK-8 school, I often think about the ways we communicate with students and how language can be such a powerful way to model mindfulness.

    What Happens When Teachers Model Mindfulness?

    At the start of this school year, I shared with the faculty at my school just how impactful our communication styles can be. I related one of my favorite studies on mindfulness. It involved 599 high school students, and took place over the course of the year. The study found that students that had merely perceived their teachers as more mindful at the start of the year showed greater development in mindfulness and compassion by the end of the year.

    The point I was trying to make was that one doesn’t have to have a deeply developed personal practice to have an impact on student well-being. As someone trying to encourage teachers to incorporate mindfulness into their classrooms, I wanted to let them know their ability to implicitly model mindfulness might be more powerful than any explicit mindfulness lessons. After all, teaching your own curriculum is challenging in and of itself, and people feel uncomfortable implementing a tool that is not part of their own personal repertoire. If somebody asked me to start weaving chemistry into my lessons, I’d be hard-pressed to even know where to begin.

    One doesn’t have to have a deeply developed personal practice to have an impact on student well-being.

    It can be illuminating to grasp that how we show up and engage with students can be a crucial factor in their development. The study identified the characteristics of a mindful teacher as one that is calm, clear, and kind. The researchers concluded, “The presence of a calm, clear, and kind teacher can support students’ holistic growth, whether through modeling or need fulfillment.” Language can impart the kind of coded lessons that could meaningfully influence student behavior, letting them know that they are seen and supported, and in turn helping them see and support others.

    How to Give Wise Feedback

    Of course, it can be difficult to communicate with clarity, calmness, and kindness, particularly when you are outnumbered by an audience that is there because it has to be, and not necessarily because it wants to be. Though we might assume our statements are innocuous, from the student perspective much of our communication can feel critical. Asking, “Did you complete the assignment?” could be interpreted by a student as their teacher thinking they’re  too inept to remember to get work done on their own.

    To help with inadvertent critiquing, I also shared the concept of “wise feedback” with my faculty. Psychologist David Yeager explained that providing a clear and transparent statement about the reason feedback is being given helps adolescents understand that one has high standards that can be met, and the feedback comes across as encouragement rather than nagging. “I’m wondering if you completed that assignment, because there are some fascinating nuggets in there and I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on them,” lands much differently.

    Language can impart the kind of coded lessons that could meaningfully influence student behavior, letting them know that they are seen and supported, and in turn helping them see and support others.

    Yeager pointed to a study he conducted in which seventh grade social studies teachers returned papers to their students with corrections and either a neutral note or a note featuring wise feedback. Eighty percent of students who received the wise feedback ended up revising their essays as opposed to forty percent in the neutral note group. Anecdotally, I can report that the use of wise feedback in my own pedagogy has led to a significant reduction in eye rolling.

    Mindful Language, Made Easy

    At the end of my session with the faculty, I expressed that I was confident most teachers probably already do express the elements of mindful teaching even if they don’t realize it. One of the hallmarks for being an educator is having the patience and compassion required to nurture learning. But in the words of the Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki, “You are perfect as you are and you could use a little improvement.” To expand our collective repertoire of mindful phrases, I gave everyone an index card so that we could take advantage of the assembled wisdom.

    I asked teachers to help me create a “mindful language cheat sheet” that featured language they use when they are trying to communicate with clarity, calmness, and kindness. In other words, it was a collection of wise feedback. I then sent out a document that compiled these phrases, which featured such pearls of wisdom as:

    • Everything is figureoutable.
    • Worrying is paying a debt you don’t owe.
    • This is one day. There are many days.
    • Everyone’s best looks different. Focus on what your best looks like.
    • I’m walking with you in this.
    • When in doubt, breathe it out.

    Thus, we were equipped with language to start the year that could help cut to the heart of the matter, support students through challenging moments, and bring a little levity to the proceedings.

    In the ancient lore of meditation and mindfulness, we hear stories of legendary teachers who effortlessly transmit all their wisdom to adoring and rapt students in a single act. It’s an impossibly high bar for modern educators, of course, and not how regular learning occurs, which is most often in tiny moments that accumulate over the course of years. For us mere mortals that find ourselves in the position of dispensing wisdom—whether it is to students of mindfulness, students of chemistry, or students of Play-Doh—it typically takes a much higher word count to get our point across. Teaching is hard. But don’t forget, everything is figureoutable.



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  • All of That: Reflections on Motherhood and Letting Go

    All of That: Reflections on Motherhood and Letting Go

    My mother died suddenly in 2013 at just 67, when our older daughter was two and our younger daughter was an infant. Before that, my mom helped watch the girls while I worked. I’d drive to my parents’ nearby home and work upstairs in their cozy loft while they read, snuggled, and played with my girls. In retrospect, it was this beautiful stolen season: I got the support I desperately needed, that feeling of being a part of the village so long a part of our shared human history—and I also got to walk downstairs each day and eat lunch and have coffee breaks with my own dear momma. It was the experience of motherhood I had hoped for.

    After my mom died, everything unraveled for a while. I felt so alone. Motherhood was a vast dark ocean, and I was clinging to the sides of a rickety little dinghy.

    Other than a brief stint working on-site part-time for a contract position, I’ve always officed out of our home (I still do). In those early years of being a new mom, depending on the season of life, I worked between 10–40 hours per week, with varying degrees of success and sanity on a day-to-day basis.

    The romance of working from home wears thin when you realize that working and parenting are not really things that can happen simultaneously. This realization sinks in approximately 14 minutes into your first day of working from home while trying to care for one or more children.

    Between the feedings and the diapers and the naps and the fighting and the I’m huuuuunnngrys and the spilled everything everywhere and the Can you fix this? and the scraped elbows and the When are you gonna be done, Mom? — any amount of real productivity felt purely accidental, or was the result of desperately putting on Scooby-Do episodes at 11 in the morning and locking myself in my room.

    Many days, I said no to doing things with my girls because I had a deadline to meet. Or I said yes to them, because I felt guilty, or because I genuinely just wanted to be with them — and then was left frantically working until 2am, long after they’d gone to bed, to get in a workday that had started at 9pm.

    I often felt like both a sub-par parent and a sub-par employee. Some days, I was. I cried in frustration, and beg-yelled to please be left alone so I could just string together a few connected thoughts. I slept through early morning Zoom meetings, forgot to get cupcakes for my kid’s birthday at school, mixed up due dates, was late for every damn thing, and zombied my way through assignments and tea parties alike. That’s the reality.

    There were wonderful days, too, moments of grace and revelation and transcendent connection. Some moments I loved in an otherworldly way, like my whole body was made of warm light. Other days felt like I was falling from an airplane with no parachute. My children are the most effective teachers I’ve ever had in my life. And when I say effective, I mean like in the way that doing 100 squats a day will give you an amazing butt: the triumph comes with some brutality. Like most personal growth, it has mostly all occurred in the trenches.

    Saying the real things out loud

    I resented being a stay-at-home mom sometimes. I know this is a generally frowned-upon thing to say. It’s almost always followed up solicitously by some version of, But kids are amazing, for sure. So amazing. Best thing that ever happened to me. There is this expectation that we temper our messy feelings with a sweeping declaration that negates what doesn’t feel or sound good.

    I don’t think I need to balance out my real human experience with less-messy narratives. So I will let the first statement just be its own reality: I resented being a stay-at-home mom sometimes. At times, I was swallowed by the fear that I was losing the very essence of myself. My creativity, time to write, time to take care of my whole self, my hunger for solitude and silence, my friendships—all of it was getting subsumed under this identity of Mom that so often felt like a too-big coat draped around me.

    There’s a robust body of mindfulness research (I know, I know) that says our greatest joy is found in living fully in the moment. And yes, that’s real. This is also real: it was so hard to be with it all sometimes.

    Yes, there are women who genuinely love full-time motherhood. They make of it an art, feel themselves called and enlivened and energized by this job. They are amazing to watch, and I honor and salute them. I love to see people living enthusiastically into their purpose.

    Me, I have often felt like the guy in those 90s commercials wearing the white coat. You know the one: I’m not a doctor in real life, but I play one on TV.

    Meaning, some days I was really feeling the role, absorbed in the storyline. I was so connected with the character of Mom that I was Mom, like on the inside, too. A lot of other days, I was reciting lines and looking frantically around for stage direction and waiting for some benevolent off-camera Director to call, Cut! And…that’s a wrap, people. Good work today. Why don’t y’all head on home and get some rest?

    Some days I felt out of control, desperate, and deliriously exhausted. I’d watch some mornings, nonsensically enraged, as my husband biked off, unencumbered. He only had one job to do for eight whole uninterrupted hours, surrounded by things like other grown-ups, recognition, annual bonuses, and health care.

    Blissfully-retired people would come up to me, probably just returned from a 10-day Scandinavian river cruise, and coo and congratulate. There I’d be, with my brand-new baby, my teething toddler, my hair unwashed and my clothes wrinkled and smattered with dried spit-up, my body aching—and they’d tell me to “just enjoy every minute.” I knew they meant well, and I get the amnesiac power of nostalgia. But also, part of me was just like, Geez lady, read the room.

    I don’t know what kind of mom that makes me, other than not alone.

    I don’t think it’s necessary for me (or any mom, any woman) to regard these moments of exasperation, unfulfillment, or longing as wasted time. These aren’t feelings I shouldn’t have had, or something to be ashamed of. They just…are.

    I don’t think it’s necessary for me (or any mom, any woman) to regard these moments of exasperation, unfulfillment, or longing as wasted time. These aren’t feelings I shouldn’t have had, or something to be ashamed of. They just…are. They’re as natural and human as my moments of contentment and elation. They have seasons and things to teach. Under this huge umbrella experience called Motherhood, they all belong. I know that wrestling with this complicated identity has never meant that I love my kids any less.

    Even today, when I see new moms at church or in our neighborhood, I always ask how they’re really doing. I always say, “Parenting is a beautiful gift, and it’s also okay to not love every single minute.” Sometimes they laugh knowingly, and sometimes they start to cry. When we’re struggling in silence, even when that struggle is the most normal, near-universal thing in the world, we can feel so defective for not feeling how we think we should be feeling.

    Saying the real things out loud can be a form of tender medicine, I’ve found.

    Saying the real things out loud can be a form of tender medicine, I’ve found.

    Crossing a threshold into a new form of motherhood

    In 2018, for the first time in eight years, I found myself facing the prospect of whole days to myself again. I know there are women who have done it for longer, and bless ’em — but eight years is still a long time. In Introvert Years, it’s like 100. I couldn’t believe that much time had passed. I had a second grader and a kindergartener. The river-cruising retirees where definitely right about one thing: it all went by like I was holding a scoop of water in my hands.

    Before I had kids, I spent hours a day alone. I quite liked it. It was jarring to have that open space suddenly shrink down, to have every spare minute and square inch of my body taken up, occupied, demanded. It was equally as jarring then, nearly a decade later, to have that space reappear. Only now I was a totally different human being. The whole world was different, and I had to figure out how to be in silence again.

    The night before our youngest daughter Stella’s first day of kindergarten, we snuggled up in the dark before bed. (For the record, before-bedtime snuggles are probably my very favorite ritual.) We talked about her first day of kindergarten, and how we were feeling about it. She had been buzzing all day long, spontaneously jumping up and down with excitement as she’d talk about finally going to school. We talked about the last five and a half years together.

    I got to tell her I was so grateful for our time together, because I was. And I got to tell her I was happy for her to go to school, because I was.

    I got to tell her I was so grateful for our time together, because I was. And I got to tell her I was happy for her to go to school, because I was.

    I asked her how she was feeling. She said, “I’m feeling nervi-cited, Mom.” My girls invented this word to describe that mix of emotions that comes with treading unknown but anticipated waters: nervous + excited.

    The next day, as we dropped her off, I watched her bouncy energy suddenly drop as she entered the chaotic classroom. Our girls attend an immersion school, and the teachers spoke to her in Chinese, which of course she didn’t understand yet. She didn’t know anyone. Everything was big and new and unfamiliar. She looked shell-shocked, like she might start crying — not out of sadness, but just out of not knowing what the hell was going on.

    She looked like I had felt so many times in my life, so many times in the previous eight years. My chest welled up with that tidal wash of empathy.

    I knelt down by those tiny tables and chairs. “How are you feeling, kiddo? What’s going on in your heart right now?”

    She looked down at the table, staring hard. “I’m feeling nervi-cited. And a little shy.” I assured her this was normal on such a big day. She nodded.

    She was so quiet, so unlike her usual bombastic self. “Mom?” she said, still looking down, willing herself to be brave. “There’s something else. With the nervi-cited and the shy. It’s miss. I’m going to miss you. Nervi-cited-shy-miss. All of that.”

    Yes. All of that.



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  • A Meditation on Connecting Lands and Stories

    A Meditation on Connecting Lands and Stories

    Yuria Celidwen guides us to connect to the land, awakening gratitude and listening more deeply into the natural spaces around us.

    Many modern Western cultures don’t have a deep understanding of how we connect to the land as a source of collective identity, story, or purpose. There is a sense that, yes, land can be lovely—but it is mainly seen as a source of recreation or extraction, not necessarily as an integral part of what shapes us and future generations.

    In this guided practice, Indigenous scholar and teacher Yuria Celidwen, rooted in Nahua and Maya lineages, introduces a fresh way to consider our connection to the natural spaces around us. This is a practice that invites reverence, gratitude, and belonging, where our experience of the Earth moves from being strictly transactional to being interconnected and relational.

    A Meditation on Connecting Lands and Stories

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. If you haven’t done so already, turn off your devices or leave them in a different place from where you will do this practice. Find a place within easy reach where you may feel comfortable. If this place allows you to overlook the landscape, that’s fantastic. If you can sit outside, surrounded by the natural landscape, even better. Wherever you decide to sit, make it easy for you so your practice becomes accessible whenever and wherever in your daily life. 
    2. Let your body rest in a way that helps you stay relaxed but attentive. While you may know that some meditation practices engage in contemplation with eyes closed, in this practice, keep your gaze soft but open, taking in your surroundings with a soft, expansive, panoramic view. 
    3. Pause. Notice where your attention is. Just notice where your mind is wandering. Where is your mind wandering? When is your mind wandering? How is your mind wandering? Just notice. Gather your attention gently. And bring it back to this present place and moment. 
    4. Request permission to enter the lands, offering your gratitude for their welcoming. Open. Breath, anchor, presence. Notice the texture of the lands where you are. What are the smells, fragrances, scents? What are the forms, colors and shades? What are the tones,  resonances, timbres, rhythms? What is their touch, their temperature, their strokes? What are their subtle tastes? Even more subtle memories, imagination? 
    5. Breathe, acknowledge, recognize, welcome. Welcome the lands. Pause. Who are the lands? What are they? Where are they? Pause. The lands are telling stories. They have voices. They sing songs. With the utmost care, as you would to a precious elder or a newborn child, just pause to listen. What are the lands telling you right now? What are they singing about themselves? What is their story about you? 

    Pause to listen, as you would to a precious elder or a newborn child. What are the lands telling you right now? What are they singing about themselves? What is their story about you?

    1. Take a few moments to hold this experience. Embrace our first opening into our shared sacred space, our discovering of an open welcoming of the lands. Offer them your gratitude for that opening, for welcoming you. Take a deep breath and exhale, bowing to the lands. Now let this experience flow. 
    2. Here are a few cues to animate your experience. Feel each of these cues as they rise in your body, heart, mind, memory, imagination, and belonging. Let these inquiries connect you to the world. What emerges? How are the lands connecting with you? What are their languages? How are they arising? And how do you relate and reciprocate?



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  • How to Meditate in Bed: Start or End Your Day With This Restful Practice

    How to Meditate in Bed: Start or End Your Day With This Restful Practice

    While this article has been reviewed for accuracy and fairness by Mindful editors, some material in this article was generated by AI. To learn more about our AI practices and why we sometimes use AI to generate content, please see our statement here.

    We often imagine a standard meditation practice taking place in a seated position, but sitting is certainly not the only way to get a great meditation session. In fact, one of the most accessible places to meditate is a space where we already spend a third of our lives: in bed. If you’re wondering how to meditate in bed, you’ll find what you need to get started in this simple guide, complete with techniques, benefits, and tips to make the most of this restful practice.

    Whether you’re looking to begin your day with clarity, or you’re seeking a soothing practice to quiet your body and mind before sleep, meditating in bed offers a gentle and practical way to weave mindfulness into your routine.

    Why Learn How to Meditate in Bed?

    Meditating in bed isn’t just convenient—it can also be beneficial. Here’s why this practice is worth exploring:

    1. Accessibility:
      First of all, at the beginning or end of each day, you’re already there! No need for a special cushion or designated space. Plus, this position can be easier and more comfortable for people with chronic pain or mobility challenges that make traditional seated postures painful or impossible.
    2. A Versatile Option to Add to Your Mindfulness Toolkit:
      You can meditate in bed while sitting, lying on your back, or resting on your side. And while you might not feel like meditating in bed every day, it can be a great option for times when you aren’t feeling well, or you’re recovering from an injury or medical procedure that makes sitting uncomfortable. 
    1. A Gentle Start or End to the Day:
      Morning meditations set the tone for mindfulness and focus, while evening meditations help transition from the day’s busyness to restful sleep.
    1. Stress and Sleep Support:
      Mindfulness meditation has been shown to reduce stress and improve sleep quality, making it an ideal practice for those struggling with insomnia or racing thoughts at night.
    1. Body Awareness and Relaxation:
      In bed, you’re naturally lying down or reclining, a posture that can encourage deep relaxation and help you connect with your body in a soothing way.

    How to Prepare for Meditating in Bed

    Creating the right environment can significantly enhance your meditation experience. Here are a few steps we recommend to set the stage:

    1. Reduce Distraction:
      This can include anything from taking a few minutes to declutter the space, making sure your phone is silenced or off, or taking care of a small to-do that might be nagging your mind. 
    1. Dim the Lights:
      Soft lighting or total darkness can help signal your brain that it’s time to wind down. If it’s safe to do so, a lit candle can also be soothing. (For example, if you know you’re prone to falling asleep during this type of meditation, candles might not be the best option.) 
    1. Limit Noise:
      Use earplugs, a white noise machine, or calming background sounds like ocean waves or rain if you’re in a noisy environment.
    1. Dress Comfortably:
      Wear loose, comfortable clothing or pajamas that don’t restrict your movement or breath.
    1. Avoid Screens:
      If you’re using this time to wind down at night, minimize screen time for at least 30 minutes before bed to reduce blue light exposure and prepare your mind for stillness.

    Techniques for Meditating in Bed

    While most meditations can be done sitting, standing, or reclining, there are several meditation methods tailored for bed, each addressing different goals like relaxation, mindfulness, or stress relief. Here are some of our favorites:

    1. Body Scan Meditation

    The body scan is a soothing technique that helps you become aware of physical sensations, tension, and areas of relaxation.

    How to Meditate In Bed with a Body Scan:

    1. Lie flat on your back with your arms resting at your sides. Close your eyes.
    2. Begin by focusing on your breath. Take slow, deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth.
    3. Starting at the top of your head, bring your awareness to each part of your body. Notice sensations—warmth, tension, or lightness.
    4. Slowly work your way down your body: forehead, jaw, neck, shoulders, arms, chest, stomach, hips, legs, and feet.
    5. If you notice tension, imagine sending your breath there to gently release it.
    6. Once you’ve scanned your whole body, rest in the stillness you’ve created.

    2. Breath Awareness Meditation

    Focusing on the breath is a foundational meditation practice that calms the mind and anchors you in the present moment.

    How to Meditate In Bed with Breath Awareness:

    1. Lie comfortably on your back or side, closing your eyes.
    2. Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four, hold for a count of two, and exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six.
    3. Pay attention to the sensation of air moving in and out—cool air entering, warm air leaving.
    4. If your mind wanders, gently guide it back to the rhythm of your breath.
    5. Continue for 5–15 minutes or until you feel a sense of calm.

    3. Guided Visualization

    This technique uses imagery to create a sense of peace and relaxation, perfect for setting a vision for your upcoming day, or winding down before sleep.

    How to Meditate In Bed with a Guided Visualization:

    1. Find a guided meditation app or audio recording, or create your own imagery.
    2. As you lie in bed, close your eyes and picture a serene setting, like a tranquil beach, a quiet forest, or a warm, glowing light surrounding you.
    3. Use all your senses: imagine the sounds, scents, and textures of your visualization.
    4. Let the imagery carry you into a deep state of relaxation.

    4. Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta)

    Loving-kindness meditation is a practice of directing goodwill and compassion toward yourself and others. This can be particularly powerful before you head into work (focusing your attention on compassion for those you’ll encounter during the day) or as a way to re-center after a stressful day. 

    How to Meditate In Bed with Metta Meditation: 

    1. Begin in a comfortable lying position, eyes closed.
    2. Take a few deep breaths and focus on feelings of warmth and love.
    3. Silently repeat phrases like:
      • “May I be happy.”
      • “May I be healthy.”
      • “May I be safe.”
    4. Gradually expand your focus to others: first someone you love, then a neutral person, and finally someone you’ve struggled with.
    5. End by sending loving-kindness to all beings everywhere.

    5. Counting or Word Meditation

    For those who struggle with a racing mind, creating a single, simple point of focus can help to slow thoughts and bring calm to the body and mind. Counting works, or choosing a short  word or phrase can also be useful. 

    How to Meditate In Bed with Counting or a Simple Word:

    1. Lie on your back and close your eyes.
    2. Begin counting your breaths: inhale as “one,” exhale as “two,” and so on up to ten.
    3. If you’re using a word or phrase, you can repeat it on each inhale and exhale, or you can use the inhale for the first part of the phrase and the exhale for the second. For example, you could say something like, (inhale) I greet this day, (exhale) with gratitude and openness. 
    4. If your mind wanders, which it will, just start again without judgment.
    5. Repeat this process until you feel centered and calm.

    Read more and follow along with the audio here: A Mindful Breath-Counting Practice for Teens and Tweens

    6. Yoga Nidra

    While it has many overlaps with traditional meditations practices, Yoga Nidra is a restorative and intention-setting practice that’s been around for centuries. It is a form of non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) that activates the brain’s delta waves, which allows the body to enter the “rest and digest” state. It has been shown to bring deep relaxation, mental clarity, and a calm, revitalized energy. Notably, it’s an effective practice for reducing anxiety. 

    How to Meditate in Bed with Yoga Nidra: 

    • Get comfortable on your back with your feet about shoulder width apart and your arms by your sides. 
    • Set an intention (called a Sankalpa) for your practice. This could be something like, I am courageous, My true nature is love, or, I am a conduit for peace in the world. 
    • Remind yourself that you will remain awake throughout the practice. 
    • Focus on different parts of your body, feeling their weight and then their lightness. 
    • Witness all thoughts and feelings that arise, welcoming them with compassion, not trying to “fix” them, and just allowing them to pass. 
    • Reflect on your intention for the practice and affirm it with your mind and body. 

    You can learn more about the practice of Yoga Nidra and experience seven full guided sessions with teacher Kelly Boys in our Yoga Nidra course. 

    Tips for Meditating In Bed as an Ongoing Practice

    As with any meditation practice, it might take some time to find what works best for you. As you explore adding this approach to your mindfulness toolkit, here are a few tips to keep in mind: 

    1. Be Patient with Yourself:
      Your mind will wander—this is normal. Gently bring your focus back to the practice without self-criticism.
    1. Experiment with Positions:
      While lying on your back is common, this might be uncomfortable for people with low back issues. It’s okay to lie on your side, prop your knees up, or lie at a 45º angle with pillows under your shoulders, neck, and head if that’s more comfortable.
    1. Use Props for Comfort:
      Pillows under your knees or a weighted blanket can enhance relaxation.
    1. Set a Time Limit (or Don’t):
      Meditate for a specific duration, or simply let the practice carry you into sleep.
    1. Be Consistent:
      Make meditation a nightly or morning ritual. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to slip into a meditative state.

    How to Meditate In Bed: Benefits You Can Experience

    As you experiment with different techniques and times of day, see what you notice about how you’re feeling. Here are some benefits you might experience as you develop your practice: 

    1. Improved Sleep Quality:
      Meditating before bed can help quiet the mind, release tension, and prepare your body for restful sleep.
    1. Reduced Anxiety and Stress:
      Mindfulness lowers cortisol levels, promoting a sense of calm and balance.
    1. Enhanced Emotional Regulation:
      Regular meditation can help you approach challenges with greater resilience and clarity.
    1. Improved mindset or outlook:
      Morning meditation sets a positive tone, fostering mindfulness, curiosity, and focus throughout the day.
    1. Deepened Self-Awareness:
      Spending time with your thoughts and body creates a stronger connection with yourself.

    A Cozy, Comfy Way to Grow Your Mindfulness Practice

    Meditating in bed is a versatile, gentle way to bring mindfulness into your life. Whether you’re looking to start your day with clarity or unwind into restful sleep, the techniques shared here can help you create a sense of peace and connection.

    The beauty of bed meditation lies in its simplicity—you don’t need fancy tools or hours of practice. All you need is your breath, your body, and a willingness to be present. Over time, this practice can transform not just your sleep but also your overall well-being.

    FAQs

    What if I fall asleep during meditation?

    It’s common to fall asleep while meditating in bed, especially at night. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing! If your goal is to wind down and sleep better, drifting off during meditation means your practice is working. However, if you’re aiming for focused mindfulness, consider meditating sitting upright earlier in the day.

    Can I combine meditating in bed with other types of meditation?

    Of course! Meditation can be done anytime, anywhere, and any way you like. Just find what works for you. You can even combine practices if you like—for example, using yoga stretches to help you relax before bed. 

    When I learn how to meditate in bed, do I get the same benefits as other types of meditation?

    Yep! Meditating in bed still increases relaxation, lessens stress, balances the nervous system, enable better sleep, improves mood, and offers a host of other physical, emotional, and mental benefits.



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  • A Meditation for Clarifying Your Motivations for Using Tech

    A Meditation for Clarifying Your Motivations for Using Tech

    Your motivations for using tech can also point the way toward developing a healthier relationship with it. In today’s practice, Jay Vidyarthi guides us to identify our motivations and ways to establish more balance and intention in our tech use — without the guilt.

    Recent studies have confirmed that the constant presence and use of tech in our lives has become a hazard to our well-being on multiple levels. Yet it’s not going anywhere—so how do we mindfully hold that tension and seek balance in our relationship to technology?

    Meditation teacher, mindful tech designer, and self-identified tech lover Jay Vidyarthi observes, “It’s okay to enjoy technology. Tech becomes a problem when we get so attached to it that our lives fall out of balance—and this happens because a certain device or app or game or even your work email might satisfy a specific, lacking, healthy emotional need.”

    In today’s practice, Jay leads us through a contemplative practice that can help us dig down and understand our motivations for using tech, while also helping us identify ways to be more intentional about the why, how, and when of our digital consumption.

    A Meditation for Clarifying Your Motivations for Using Tech

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. This is going to be a contemplation. So choose whether you want to meditate with your eyes closed in a certain posture or position, or whether you’d rather journal, in which case you can grab a pen or a paper or even type on your computer.
    2. Hit pause on the audio if you need a little bit more space to get settled. There’s never a need to rush into this kind of thing, so try to find a place that’s quiet, maybe even inspiring, for your contemplation or journaling.
    3. When you’re ready, start by thinking or writing about why you personally might be interested in a better relationship with technology. What’s motivating you here? Is it a general feeling? Are there specific patterns you’re trying to change? Are there specific things that have happened that felt off to you that maybe inspired this idea that you needed to work on your relationship with technology? Are there maybe stories you’ve heard in the media or the press about technology and what it might be doing to us? Are there positive experiences that you have with technology where you find joy or meaning or purpose that maybe you want to get more of, or maybe you want to get back to? Maybe those are memories from an earlier incarnation of technology that feels lost.

    Are there positive experiences that you have with technology where you find joy or meaning or purpose that maybe you want to get more of, or maybe you want to get back to?

    1. Consider or write down how a more mindful relationship with technology might positively impact you and the people around you, whether those are family members or friends or roommates or coworkers, or even just the barista at the coffee shop or the clerk at the grocery store.
    2. If you’re having a hard time getting to deeper answers, try asking why over and over again like young children do. It’s a very powerful word. You might start with, Why am I interested in a better relationship with technology? Your mind might answer that with something like, I want to be less stressed. From there you might ask, Why do I want to be less stressed? Maybe your answer is because you want to be more present for the people you care about. You might ask why again, Why do I want to be more present for the people I care about? Keep going with this, and you’ll eventually find yourself at some deeper personal truths.
    3. Now, as you do this, notice if any judgment or shame is coming up. If you’re journaling, you can look back over the page, but if you are contemplating, you can just reflect. If judgment is arising, just let that come and go. So for example, you might ask why and hear your inner voice get self-critical. Like, Why do I want a healthy relationship with technology? Oh, well, because I can’t control myself and I’m addicted and destroying my life with this technology. Our inner voice can go all over the place, as you well know. If that happens, there’s no need to resist it, but don’t give it more energy, either. Try to stay curious and focus on those motivations, those intentions, those answers that feel like they’re encouraging positive growth.
    4. As we approach the end of our session here, see if you can distill what’s come up in this practice into a simple word or phrase. If you’re journaling, you can draw a big line on the page. If you are contemplating, you can clear your palate. Try to find something that captures the essence of what is motivating you, what your intention is to form a more mindful, healthier, better relationship with the technology in your life. Try to be very specific and concise.
    5. Once you have something, commit that to memory or write it down. Then, let go of all the effort that we’ve put into this practice and let’s take a few moments to just be as we are. There’s nothing more to do, yet we’re not yet moving into the next thing. We’re enjoying this transition, this moment of emptiness and non-doing.
    6. When you’re ready, you can gradually open your eyes if they were closed. Have a little stretch or a sip of water, whatever you need. And if you haven’t yet, you can write down the word or phrase you came up with, put that in a visible place, and let that be a reminder of your intention, your motivation, your commitment to an improved relationship with technology. 

    It’s important to remember that this doesn’t necessarily mean only setting boundaries around problematic use patterns. It also means setting yourself up to fully enjoy the parts of technology you enjoy and to find authentic connection online and to allow any meaning or purpose that you get from technology to fully flourish into your life. I hope this was helpful. See you next time.



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  • What Are the 8 “Rules” of Meditation?

    What Are the 8 “Rules” of Meditation?

    In a world that feels uncertain, chaotic, and often disconnected, people are seeking greater peace, clarity, and emotional balance. In that searching, many have found respite and healing in a regular meditation practice. However, if you’re brand new to meditating, it can be a little intimidating at first. Where do you begin? Are there foundational guidelines or rules of meditation that should be followed? 

    While there are many forms of meditation, some core principles guide successful practice. These principles act as a springboard to help you navigate your meditation journey more effectively. Whether you’re new to meditation or a seasoned practitioner, understanding these “8 rules of meditation” can deepen your practice and enhance its benefits. 

    And, if you read to the end, we’ve included a final guideline that might surprise you—and that might be the most important thing to remember as you explore the challenges and rewards of meditation. 

    Let’s dive into these key principles to discover how they can enrich your meditation experience.

    1. Find a Comfortable Posture

    One of the first and most important rules of meditation is finding a comfortable, stable posture. While many people envision sitting cross-legged on the floor, the truth is that meditation posture can vary. You don’t have to twist into complicated poses to meditate effectively. 

    The key is to find a position where your body feels supported and relaxed. That can be sitting on a chair, cushion, or even lying down. In fact, it can be a useful practice to simply tune into your body before each meditation session and determine which position might be the most comfortable for that day. This is a gentle way to start focusing your attention. 

    If you choose to sit, either in a chair, on the floor, or against a wall, remember to:

    • Keep your spine straight to encourage alertness.
    • Relax your shoulders and let your hands rest naturally.
    • Ensure you are not straining any part of your body.

    Comfort is key because physical discomfort can easily become a distraction during your practice. By settling into a comfortable posture, you allow your mind to focus more easily.

    2. Focus on Your Breath

    You’ll hear meditation teachers speak a lot about the power of the breath. 

    This is because the breath is a natural anchor for meditation. It’s always with you and can be observed without a lot of effort. Focusing on your breath helps quiet the mind and center your awareness in the present moment. This rule of meditation teaches you to tune into your body, observing how the breath moves in and out, without trying to control it.

    When meditating, pay attention to the sensation of air entering and leaving your nostrils or the rise and fall of your abdomen. If your mind wanders—which it inevitably will—gently bring your attention back to the breath. This act of returning to the breath is a key part of meditation, strengthening your mental focus.

    3. Accept What Arises Without Judgment

    A common misconception is that a quiet mind is the goal of meditation, but the reality is that thoughts will always arise. It’s not possible for meditation to be about controlling or suppressing your thoughts, because producing thoughts is just what the brain does. 

    That’s why much of the work of meditation is just learning to accept whatever arises in your mind without judgment. Whether it’s stress, irritation, or joy, let the thoughts and feelings  come and go like clouds passing through the sky. That can look like gently saying to yourself something like, I notice I’m thinking about work right now. I have a lot of worries about my job right now. That’s okay. I can think about work later, but right now, I’m choosing to return to the present. 

    The key here is non-resistance. Instead of fighting your thoughts, simply observe them. Recognize that thoughts are fleeting and don’t define who you are. Over time, you’ll learn how to detach from the endless stream of thoughts and emotions, allowing them to pass without becoming consumed by them.

    And remember that when your attention wanders and you bring it back, that is similar to doing a rep with a weight. The wandering and coming back is not a “failure”—it’s precisely what builds strength in your focus and attention over time. 

    4. Practice Regularly

    Consistency is crucial in meditation. As we mentioned above, strengthening focus and attention is like any skill: the more you practice, the more you’ll benefit. It’s better to meditate for a few minutes every day than for an hour once a week. Regular practice builds mental discipline and helps integrate mindfulness into your daily life.

    Start small if you’re new to meditation—perhaps with just five minutes a day—and gradually increase your time. Find a routine that works for you, whether it’s in the morning, during lunch, or before bed. The important thing is to establish a habit and stick to it. Even short, regular sessions will lead to noticeable improvements in your focus, clarity, and emotional regulation.

    5. Be Patient with Yourself

    As you might imagine, and perhaps have already experienced for yourself, frustration is a very normal part of starting and maintaining a meditation practice. 

    Meditation is a journey, not a destination. In Western culture especially, we’re training to approach everything as if it’s something to be perfected or conquered. It can be extremely strange to engage in a lifelong activity where “mastering” it isn’t the goal. 

    It’s normal to experience challenges, especially in the beginning. Your mind may feel restless, your body may feel almost unbearably uncomfortable at times, and might be surprised and annoyed by what pops into your head when you’re just trying to be still for a second. It’s easy to get discouraged when progress seems slow. This brings us to one of the most important rules of meditation: patience.

    Understand that meditation is a practice of observing the mind and its patterns. There will be good days where meditation feels effortless, and there will be days when your mind seems like a chaotic storm. Both experiences are part of the process and both are completely normal. Patience means accepting where you are today without judgment. Trust that with time and consistency, the benefits of meditation will reveal themselves.

    6. Let Go of Expectations

    A common pitfall in meditation is having expectations about what “should” happen. Many people sit down expecting immediate calm, profound insights, or even emotional or spiritual awakenings. When those expectations aren’t met, disappointment and frustration can follow. One of the core rules of meditation is to let go of expectations.

    Meditation is not about achieving a specific outcome but about being present with whatever arises. You might experience moments of peace, and at other times, you might face discomfort or boredom. The practice is about accepting each moment as it is without trying to manipulate the experience. By letting go of expectations, you create space for authentic, unfiltered awareness.

    7. Think of Mindfulness as Not Just an Activity, but An Approach to All of Life

    Meditation is not confined to your time on the cushion. One of the most powerful benefits of meditation is the ability to bring mindfulness into your everyday life. Meditation is one exercise that helps you stay aware and present in one particular moment, so that you can  stay aware and present throughout the day, no matter what you’re doing.

    Whether you’re eating, walking, working, or talking, try to bring mindful awareness to the present moment. Notice how your body feels, observe your surroundings, and pay attention to your thoughts and emotions without getting lost in them. 

    More good news? This is all a virtuous cycle: staying mindful during everyday activities deepens your meditation practice, which in turn helps to cultivate a sense of peace and clarity that extends out into all the little moments of your beautiful, imperfect human life.

    8. Allow Your Sense of Compassion to Grow

    One of the many side benefits of a regular meditation practice is an expanded capacity to hold compassion—for yourself and others. Meditation is not just about focusing the mind; it’s also about opening the heart. As you observe your thoughts and emotions, practice self-compassion. Recognize that it’s okay to struggle and be kind to yourself when things get tough.

    Likewise, extend that compassion to others. Over time, meditation helps you develop a sense of interconnectedness with the world around you. By practicing loving-kindness meditation or simply holding an attitude of empathy, you foster compassion for all beings. This rule reminds us that meditation is not just a personal practice but a way to connect with others and contribute to the well-being of the world.

    Like the rest of these rules of meditation, there is a kind of counter-intuitive and cyclical nature to expanding compassion. The more we make room for imperfection and mistakes in our meditation practice, the stronger our practice will become over time. The less we put pressure on ourselves to always “get it right”—and judge ourselves by a standard of perfection—the more room we have the ability to extend that grace to ourselves and others in the rest of our lives. 

    A Final Rule: Hold All the Rules of Meditation Lightly

    Mindfulness and meditation are counter-cultural in so many ways. 

    For example: 

    • Rather than a predetermined destination or outcome, we’re invited to relax into an unpredictable process. 
    • Rather than fixating on achievement, we’re invited to let go of our grip on staking our identity and value on perfection.  
    • Rather than trying to “fix” the feelings we don’t like, we’re invited to just be with them, and then we find that they pass through a lot faster. 

    When we see a phrase like “the eight rules of meditation,” it’s easy to slip into thinking about this process the way we think about so many things in life: through the lens of striving, achievement, mastery, and perfection. We can get attached and rigid—and that actually makes growing in the process more difficult. 

    So, in the end, here’s a final invitation: hold all of the rules of meditation lightly. Lean into them for support, guidance, and encouragement. Allow them to be gentle reminders of why you’re here. 

    But also remember that there is so much room for every day to be different. Some days will feel amazing, and some won’t, and that’s okay. It’s all part of the experience, and even the days when it feels like it’s not working…it’s still working. 

    Meditation is a journey, and each time you practice, you take a step closer to greater self-awareness and inner peace. Whether you’re just starting or have been meditating for years, these guidelines can serve as a compass to help you navigate your path with a little more awareness and grace.

    FAQs About the Rules of Meditation

    Q: What if sitting is uncomfortable or painful for me?

    A: The key is finding a position that works for you and your body’s needs. If sitting with your legs crossed is hard on your knees, for example, you can sit in a chair with your feel on the floor. It’s fine to lie down, as well. It can be a useful practice to simply tune into your body before each meditation session and determine which position might be the most comfortable for that day. This is a gentle way to start focusing your attention on your body and your breath before you even officially start your practice.

    Q: I can’t seem to keep my thoughts from racing in every direction. Is this normal?

    A: Yes, it’s completely normal! The mind does what it does: it generates thoughts, feelings, reactions, stories. That’s its job. You might find your mind wandering dozens of times in just the span of five or 10 minutes. Be patient with yourself, and be aware of how you respond to this very natural movement of the mind. Instead of harshly criticizing yourself, try noticing, thanking your mind for doing its thing, and then bringing your attention back to the breath. Each time you return your attention to the present moment, think of it like lifting a weight—you’re actually strengthening your focus each time your bring it back.

    Q: It doesn’t feel like my practice is really doing anything for me, even though I’m following the rules of meditation for the most part. How do I know if a practice is “working”?

    A: It can be super frustrating to start a practice and to hope to see and feel big results right away. The truth is, learning to meditate takes time, and most often the changes aren’t sudden or dramatic.

    One key way to notice shifts as a result of your practice is just to pay attention to how you respond to discomfort or disappointment. You might start to be aware that you’re less reactive, that you have just a moment between when something happens and when you respond that wasn’t there before. Or maybe you notice your inner dialogue shifting—maybe you’re more patient with yourself or others, maybe a little less critical when you make mistakes. You might notice that your focus is sharper, that you see and appreciate “little things” a bit more. Again, it might not be dramatic, but part of a mindfulness practice is becoming more aware of micro-changes in yourself over time.



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  • An Interbeing Meditation for Connection and Understanding

    An Interbeing Meditation for Connection and Understanding

    In this guided interbeing meditation, Shalini Bahl explores our interdependence as a pathway to better understanding, compassion, and cooperation, especially when conflict feels overwhelming.

    Summary

    • Through the practice of interbeing meditation, we explore our inherent connection to the whole world.
    • Interbeing is one word for our basic interconnectedness and interdependence as living beings.
    • When we consider both our own needs and the needs of other people, we can be more understanding and kind, even during difficult interactions.

    If you’ve faced challenging or polarizing conversations lately, you likely know how difficult it can be to connect and cooperate with the person on the other side of that interaction.

    In today’s guided interbeing meditation, Dr. Shalini Bahl invites us to explore our innate interconnectedness by recognizing our needs and those of others, so that we can be empowered to work together in new and creative ways that benefit all involved.

    An Interbeing Meditation for Connection and Understanding

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. Welcome to Interbeing, a guided practice for connection and understanding. Zen master and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh coined the word interbeing to describe a basic interconnectedness and interdependence as living beings. This practice invites us to explore this interconnectedness, especially when facing challenging conversations or polarizing situations. By recognizing our needs and those of others, we can foster greater understanding. This compassionate awareness can empower us to work together in new and creative ways that benefit all involved. 
    2. Let’s begin by coming to a comfortable sitting posture that allows you to be alert and relaxed. Gently close your eyes, or simply soften your gaze. Rest your awareness on the breath moving in and out of your body, naturally and effortlessly. Invite your mind to be here with your breath and body. Feel the spaciousness in your chest with each inhale and exhale. 
    3. Now picture a vast open sky filled with white fluffy clouds. See these clouds gathering to become larger and darker, heavy with life-giving rain. Feel the cool drops falling, sinking deep into the earth below. Sense the trees drinking deeply, their roots reaching deep down into the earth and the branches lifting towards the sky. 
    4. Think of these trees, well nourished by the rain water, by this earth, offering their fibers to be transformed into the very paper we use in our everyday lives. Just as this rain nourishes the earth and the earth nourishes the trees, so too are we nourished by this web of life around us. Each breath we take connects us to the trees, the rain, the earth, and all living beings. 
    5. Take a few moments to connect with this sense of awe and wonder in whatever way feels most authentic to you. Sense this interconnectedness with this web of life and all beings. 
    6. In this spirit of interbeing, bring to mind someone you are or will be interacting with—at home, work, or in your community—for whom you want to feel compassion. This could be someone you want to connect with more deeply as someone you’re having a conflict with. 
    7. Once you have the person and this interaction in mind, return to your present moment. Experience the breath moving in and out of your body. If your mind feels especially active today, place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly as you feel the rising and falling of your body under the gentle touch of your hands. 
    8. Every time your mind wanders away, which it will, bring it back with kindness to your breath moving in and out of your body. Once your mind is stabilized, listen within to your needs in this interaction. Quietly ask yourself, What are my needs in this interaction? Stay here with kindness without forcing an answer. Listen then with patience. What would you like to get from this interaction? What are your needs? What are your intentions? What would you like to see happen? 
    9. Don’t go with the first response. Wait. Listen. Notice any kind of rushing judgments or fears. About what you may discover, making space for it all. Allow yourself to see, to feel whatever is your experience.  
    10. Feel free to pause this recording and journal or if you need a little more time. Once you feel ready, quietly ask yourself the following: What are the other person’s needs? Again, no need to search for answers. Just make room in your mind and your heart to listen within. 
    11. What is coming up for you as you make room for the other person’s perspectives? Their lived experiences? What might be going on for the other person, and what are their needs? If possible, see that person, the whole person beyond the situation. The ways in which they, too, care about the things that you care about. The ways that they, too, have suffered, just like you have in your life. 
    12. You’re not assuming you know everything. You’re just trusting yourself to know what you need to know. All we’re doing is making room, with the intention to see this other person. 
    13. When you find yourself overly distracted, or getting into a thinking mode, return to your breath. Your breath is an anchor to your natural place of connection with your body, yourself, and others. From this place of connection, open your mind to listen to the other person’s needs. 
    14. Again, if you like, you can pause this recording to do some journaling. Even the subtlest of shifts in your perspective can have a big impact on how you show up. 
    15. Based on your reflection today, how might you show up for yourself and the other person? Take some time to create an intention for showing up with understanding and kindness. And before you begin your interaction with that person, remember to return to your contemplation of interbeing, your intentions, and trusting your natural goodness. May this interbeing meditation help us navigate challenging interactions with grace, compassion, and wisdom. May our practice together benefit us and all beings. 



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