Health Journal Online

Category: Mental Health

  • A Meditation for When You Need a Break

    A Meditation for When You Need a Break

    Mindfulness teacher and author Kimberly Brown offers a relaxing practice for whenever you need a break. Take this moment to pause and reconnect with yourself.

    Sometimes, when we need a break, the best gift we can give ourselves is just a moment set aside for quiet, breath, and reminding ourselves of who we really are. 

    In this gentle guided practice, Kimberly Brown uses simple repeated phrases to ground attention and offer a place to rest and reset.

    A Meditation for When You Need a Break

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    Turn inward. You can say to yourself, Hello, I’m here. Hello, my beautiful self, I am here for you. Whatever is arising in me is welcome.

    Note that this practice includes longer pauses of complete silence for reflection and presence. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go.     

    1. To begin, remember that, for these few minutes, you don’t have to do anything. Make a decision and a commitment to yourself to shut off your devices, to stop talking, and to find a quiet place where you can be undisturbed. So if you need to, pause this recording and take a couple of minutes, find your spot, and then come back. Then, when you’re ready, get still.
    2. Take an attitude of welcoming. Say hello to yourself and whatever you’re experiencing right now. Put one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly and really turn the attention toward you. It’s very likely you’ve been looking out. Turn inward. You can say to yourself, Hello, I’m here. Hello, my beautiful self, I am here for you. Whatever is arising in me is welcome.
    3. Now gather all of your attention and bring it to your hands, feeling the tops of your hands, the palms of your hands, each finger as they are resting on your heart and on your belly. Connect through your palms with your breath. You can experience your body moving on each inhale and each exhale as you rest your attention on the tops of your hands and the palms of your hands and each finger. Just for a couple of moments, choose to keep your attention here, on your hands, feeling your breath. And when your attention moves away, gently but firmly bring it back, like a kind parent keeping a child safe.
    4. Where is your attention right now? Do you need to gently come back to the feelings of your breath, to your fingers and your palms? Just for one more minute, rest here.
    5. Now, with your attention gathered to your hand on your belly and your hand on your heart, imagine you’re with someone who loves you easily. This could be a dear old friend, an aunt, an uncle, a pet, a teacher. Imagine the two of you are in a place that’s meaningful to you, a place that is comfortable and safe to you. I’d like you to notice their face and their beautiful presence. And notice how you feel in their presence. Now, say to them and to you, May we stay connected to our true selves. May we be steady and brave. May we stay connected to our true selves. May we be steady and brave. For just a couple of minutes here, keep this visualization of the two of you, continuing to repeat these phrases like you’re giving a gift. May we stay connected to our true selves. May we be steady and brave.
    6. Have you lost your connection with the two of you? Are you planning or remembering? It’s okay. Gently come back, imagining you and this dear being, beginning again. May we stay connected to our true selves. May we be steady and brave. Just for another minute or so, repeating these phrases like you’re giving a gift. 
    7. Allow yourself to give this gift of kindness to this loved one. Just check in with yourself. If your attention has wandered from this dear one, reconnect. See their lovely face. Continue repeating, May you stay connected to your true self. May you be steady and open. 
    8. Keeping your hands on your heart and on your belly, you can let the visualization dissolve. Just be here in this moment with your presence, with your experience, with your beautiful self, and giving yourself the same wisdom. May I stay connected to my true self. May I be steady and open.
    9. I encourage you to continue practicing, even after this recording ends. Alternatively, you can conclude it now and practice it again and again when you feel that you need a break. Before you get up, open your eyes, re-engage with your life, your busy-ness—before you do that, thank yourself. Remember how valuable it is to get in touch with your compassion and your wisdom, your true nature. Thank yourself for this practice, and I thank you for your practice and your good heart.



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  • Guided Meditation: Use Distraction to Hone Your Focus

    Guided Meditation: Use Distraction to Hone Your Focus

    In this week’s guided meditation, mindfulness teacher and designer Toby Sola shows us how we can use what distracts us to strengthen and sharpen our attention.

    It might seem counter-intuitive, but intentionally tuning in to what’s distracting you can actually help strengthen your ability to focus.

    In today’s guided practice, meditation teacher Toby Sola introduces what he calls a “concentration algorithm.” This practice will help you identify which type of sensory experience you are naturally drawn to, and then give you a structure for how to focus on it, so that you can quickly attain deep concentration.

    Note that this meditation includes long pauses of complete silence as part of the practice. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go. 

    Use Distraction to Hone Your Focus

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. In this meditation, we’ll explore what I like to call the “concentration algorithm.” Take a moment to stretch up and settle in. You can practice today’s meditation with your eyes open or closed. Bring your attention to the breath. No need to breathe in a specific way, just breathe at a natural pace. Notice air coming in and out of your nose. Notice your chest and belly expanding and contracting. If your attention wanders to thoughts, sounds, or other experiences, that’s fine. Allow the distractions to come and go in the background of your awareness. Then, gently bring your attention back to the breath. 
    2. Now take a moment to check in. What have you been most distracted by? Was your neighbor mowing the lawn, and you were distracted by the sound of the mower? Or were you distracted by thoughts? This doesn’t have to be exact, just take a guess.
    3. Which of the following categories best describes what was distracting you the most? If you had to guess, what were you most distracted by? What category does that fall into? The options are: sight, sound, physical body sensation other than the breath, mental image, mental talk, and emotional body sensation.
    4. Now let’s switch techniques. For the next little bit, focus on whatever was distracting you the most. For example, if you were distracted by sounds in your environment, focus on the sounds. Or if you’re distracted by bursts of mental talk, listen to those carefully. 
    5. Sometimes, an experience might end when we go to focus on it. For example, you focus on the sound of your neighbor mowing their lawn, but then they turn off the mower. This is very common with mental images and mental talk, as well. We may notice bursts of mental talk or flashes of mental images, but when we try to focus on them, they scurry away, like mice when a cat enters the room.
    6. Here is a tried and true trick of the meditation trade: If an experience ends when you go to focus on it, that’s fine. Just focus on the corresponding restful state. For example, if a sound disappears, focus on silence. If mental talk disappears, just focus on mental quiet. If mental images disappear, focus on a blank mental screen. If you remember that you can always focus on the corresponding restful state, then you’ll always have something to hone your focus on. Keep this in mind as you continue to focus on whatever was distracting you from the breath.
    7. Let’s check in once more. Since switching techniques, what have you been most distracted by? Remember, you can choose from sound, physical body sensation, mental talk, mental image, or emotional body sensation.
    8. Let’s switch techniques one last time. Focus on whatever was distracting you the most. And if it stops, just focus on the corresponding restful state. For example, focus on emotions in the body, unless they stop, in which case you’d focus on emotional peace. Or focus on your mental talk, unless it stops, in which case, you focus on the mental quiet.
    9. Before we wrap up, take a moment to reflect. We focused on a few things today. What was the easiest to focus on? There’s no right or wrong answer, we’re just exploring and getting to know our minds. Whatever was the easiest to focus on, remember that, and hone your focus on that next time you meditate.
    10. This is how the concentration algorithm works. It helps us discover which type of sensory experience we are naturally drawn toward, and then gives us a structure for how to focus on it, so that we can quickly attain deep concentration. 



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  • Summer Meditation Retreat: 6 Mindfulness Practices for Self-Care

    Summer Meditation Retreat: 6 Mindfulness Practices for Self-Care

    Summary

    • During the summer mindfulness can become an invitation to savor things more completely.
    • Rather than only appreciating the best experiences, savoring every aspect of life allows us to discover the gifts that often hide within unwelcome or challenging moments.
    • Savor the summer with a free collection of 6 guided meditations from expert mindfulness teachers.

    The word “savoring” crops up a lot in instructions for mindful eating, but why stop there? Inspired by that notion, I decided to challenge myself to a week of savoring things. As I started out, I began to see that I was automatically leaving lots of things out—things that were, well, unsavory—so the challenge had to undergo some immediate reengineering. It would have to become about savoring everything. Yikes.

    If I was going to savor the unsavory I would have to be thankful somehow for whatever came my way.

    That immediately led me to the understanding that if I was going to savor the unsavory I would have to be thankful somehow for whatever came my way. I would have to embrace the artificially sweetened (but still valuable) “attitude of gratitude.” It was a bit of a revelation. What I was prepared for was taking time to really enjoy things, in the present moment. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much it would challenge underlying attitudes and assumptions. When the week was over, I came to some conclusions about how savoring can reach into every area of life.

    6 Ways to Savor the Moment

    By Barry Boyce

    1) When things are good…savor the joy

    When things are good, it should be easy to savor them. But it took more effort to savor something I already appreciated than I would have imagined. Joy came in the sudden realization that the body is always in the present, no matter where my thoughts take me, and I can always return to that.

    2) When it’s every kind of bad…savor the resilience

    I can glimpse the fact that pain, whether physical or emotional, is something that lets us know we are alive. And as we try to manage it as best we can, we are humbled, we are vulnerable, we seek help. We find a way. We bounce back. And, as we savor the equanimity, we learn to take the good and the bad.

    3) When it’s boring…savor the freedom

    As we all keep discovering in meditation, we don’t really need to keep ourselves occupied with extra thoughts. It’s peaceful to take a break from that. My savoring challenge helped me learn (once again) to savor the freedom from the need to entertain myself every minute of the day.

    4) When it’s unwieldy…savor the laughter

    When things go haywire, the same tendency we have with hassles—to indulge in some “why me?” time—can easily take over. But, I’m starting to really appreciate the antidote that a meditation teacher friend of mine told me about: Just say “Why not me?”

    5) When you’re alone…savor the space

    In the right doses, being by ourselves can be deeply restorative. It can help us discover a deep reservoir of contentment that does not need to be chased after. That kind of space—a space of awe and wonder and simplicity—is well worth savoring. It may be the most savory treat of all.

    6) When you’re with others…savor the companionship

    The sheer joy of a shared laugh. The moments of listening when you need to be heard. The shoulder to cry on. Someone to share ups and downs, without caring which it is. I’m blessed with friends all over the world, people I can connect with within minutes no matter how long it’s been. Other human beings…what’s not to savor?

    Summer Meditation Retreat: 6 Mindfulness Practices for Self-Care

    Day 1: Connect With Presence

    By Sharon Salzberg

    If we can practice savoring the present moment when we’re sitting in formal meditation, we can also practice while standing in line at the grocery store, sitting anxiously in a doctor’s waiting room, or sitting down for a meal in good company. A portable exercise in meditation is focusing on the sensations of the in- and out-breath. If the breath is not a comfortable place for you, choose another object of attention like the sensation of your hands touching your knees.

    A 10-Minute Breathing Meditation

    This variation of breath meditation can be especially supportive if you feel restless or bored. Savor the freedom to simply let your mind be. It doesn’t matter how many times your attention wanders or how long you may dwell in distraction during this summer meditation. The practice is gently letting go and, with kindness toward yourself, beginning again.

    1. Sit comfortably and relax. Let your attention settle on the feeling of the breath at the nostrils, chest, or abdomen. As you breathe in make the silent mental note “in,” and as you breathe out you can count “one.” This becomes inhale “in,” exhale “one,” inhale “in,” exhale “two,” all the way up to ten. When you get to ten you can begin again.
    2. If your mind becomes distracted, and you lose touch with the breath—that’s OK. You can begin again. Stay connected to the rhythm of the breath with the mental note and the number.
    3. See if your awareness of the breath can be full and complete. Your attention is wholehearted with “in, five,” “in, six,” “in, seven,” all the way through to ten. Each breath is full and complete on its own—with the counting there to support you.
    4. When you feel ready, you can move into the rest of your day.

    A 7-Minute Meditation to Rest Your Attention

    Our habitual tendency is to grasp a thought or a feeling, to build an entire world around it, or push it away and struggle against it. It can be helpful to instead note what is painful, pleasant, or otherwise. Here we stay even, balanced, and calm, as we recognize what arises and bring our attention back, one breath at a time.

    1. Sit comfortably or lie down. Settle in to a comfortable position.
    2. Center your attention on the sensations of the in- and out-breath, at the nostrils, chest, or abdomen. As you feel the sensations of the breath, you can make a mental note of “breath” with the in-breath and then again with the out-breath.
    3. When a thought or feeling arises that’s strong enough to take your attention away from the breath, note it silently as “not breath.” You don’t have to judge yourself; you don’t have to get lost in a thought or elaborate it. Recognize that it’s simply not the breath.
    4. Bring your attention back to the sensations of the breath. Some of your thoughts or feelings may be tender, caring, cruel, or hurtful, but they’re not the breath. You can recognize them, let them go, and bring your attention back to the sensations of the breath.
    5. When you feel ready, come back to your surroundings.

    Day 2: Connect With Yourself

    By Sebene Selassie

    Belonging is the sense of ease and joy we can savor when we are truly present. Often we don’t feel like we belong because we’re caught in feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and doubt. Feelings of not belonging are learned over time and lead us to think that there’s something wrong with us, that we’re not enough, that we don’t belong—but we do. By the very nature of our existence, we belong. Mindfulness helps us remember this by allowing us to experience belonging in any moment.

    A 9-Minute Meditation to Listen to Your Body

    Meditation can help us be more present to life, and mindfulness of body and breath help ground that presence. It’s only when we’re present with each moment that we can savor our experience. This summer meditation invites you to try grounding yourself throughout the day, feeling the body and using the inquiry, “What’s happening in my body right now?”

    1. Find a comfortable posture. You don’t have to do anything special, just make sure that you’re relaxed and alert. Lower your gaze and give yourself the opportunity to go inward.
    2. Bring awareness to the sensations you notice while sitting. It can take some time and practice to feel sensations in the body rather than think about them. Is there a sensation in the body that’s particularly strong or clamoring for attention? It’s OK if you don’t notice anything. Just recognize your experience as it is and see if you can bring a sense of curiosity to it. You can ask yourself, “What’s happening in my body right now?”
    3. Whatever is happening, continue this inquiry. Notice the sensations that are present. When the mind starts to wander, gently bring your awareness back to the body. Again, ask yourself, “What’s happening in my body right now?”
    4. Bring the same curiosity to your breath. If the breath is not a comfortable place for you, continue grounding in sensations of the body. Otherwise, take a moment to connect to the natural rhythm of your breath. Notice your belly rising and falling. You can always ask yourself, “What’s happening in my body right now?”
    5. Know that you can come back to the body at any moment, as you come back to the space around you.

    A 7-Minute Meditation to Welcome Open Awareness

    Open awareness meditation is often associated with the metaphor of the mind being like an open sky. We can observe thoughts, sensations, sounds, but they simply pass like clouds in the sky, or they can flow like a river savor the space between you and what drifts past. The sky is not bothered, the river is not changed, everything is carried by the current of awareness.

    1. Find a comfortable posture. If you like you can gaze down softly at a point in front of you. Allow your body to soften and rest. Feel the connection between your body and the floor or the chair beneath you.
    2. Bring your awareness to the sensations of being right here, right now. Begin to listen to the play of sounds around you. You can notice sounds that are loud or soft, far or near—just listening. You don’t need to name the sound, or follow the sound, just listen in a relaxed and open way. Notice how all sounds arise and vanish as you listen.
    3. Sense that your awareness is expanding to be like the sky—open, clear, vast. Allow your awareness to extend in every direction. Sounds come and go, moving through the sky of your awareness, appearing and disappearing as you rest in this open awareness. You might notice that thoughts and images also arise and vanish. You can let them come and go without resistance or grasping.
    4. Allow the breath or sensations in the body to move like a breeze in this open sky of awareness. Notice that this awareness is naturally clear and spacious. Allow all sounds, thoughts, and sensations, feeling that spaciousness.
    5. As you lift your gaze, pause for a moment to reorient to the space around you.

    Day 3: Connect With Everything

    By Jessica Morey

    We tend to focus our minds on what is wrong or threatening or what could harm us so that we might be better protected through the vagaries of life. But if we allow that bias to run rampant, we risk missing out on what’s beautiful, joyful, and nourishing in our lives. Not to mention, we grow less equipped to cultivate beauty and joy and nourishment in ourselves.

    A 14-Minute Summer Meditation to Appreciate Joy

    Perhaps it seems strange to investigate what we consider to be a positive emotion, but we often miss joy. We don’t pay a lot of attention to it and let it slip by without much notice. The good news is, there are practices to cultivate joy. It can be sparked by something enjoyable, or we can attend to and support joy in our felt experience. One of the great ways to do that is to savor—really stop and savor—what’s beautiful and good in life.

    1. Take a seat or lie down if you’re in a place where you can do that. Take a few deep breaths, lengthening your inhale and your exhale. During these opening breaths, notice how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling tired or drowsy, emphasize the inhale. If you’re feeling agitated or restless, emphasize the exhale. Then allow your breath to come to its natural rhythm.
    2. Now bring to mind recent joyful moments. Alternatively, you could reflect on things you’re grateful for in your life. Choose a few moments of joy and gratitude to focus on.
    3. Reflect on receiving the joy of these experiences. Bring your attention into your body. Notice how you experience joy in this moment. Where do you feel it in your body? The chest, the belly, the throat, the face? What do you notice? Is there a temperature to the joy? Is there a flow or movement to the energy of joy in your body?
    4. If you lose that felt sense of connection, just recall the images, people, or situations that bring you joy. Then return to savoring the felt sense of joy in your body. Breathe into it.
    5. Take a moment to reflect on the people, places, or situations that bring you joy. What were the things that really inspired a felt sense of joy for you? How can you bring more of that into your life?
    6. When you’re ready, bring your attention back to your environment. Take a deep breath. Orient yourself to the space around you and notice how you feel right now.

    A 14-Minute Meditation to Explore What’s True

    Longing is a vulnerable emotion, but it’s also very important. It directs us toward what we want in the world—where we want to go, what we value, what we want to create. When we can stay with the emotion and get to know it on a deeper level, there’s a great deal of wisdom at our disposal. If we can feel into it, be with it, and notice what’s underneath and inside of it, we can then better decide how we want to respond next.

    1. Settle into a comfortable position. You may be seated, or you’re welcome to lie down. Wherever you are, take a few deep breaths. You can cast your gaze down and ahead.
    2. Feel into your body and ask yourself: Is there anything I need right now? Is there anything I’m longing for in this moment? You may want something to be different, or you may be longing for a particular experience. Ask yourself: What do I want? What do I need?
    3. If nothing is emerging for you, bring to mind a recent experience when you really wanted something. Maybe you wanted to be seen or acknowledged; maybe you wanted to connect with a certain person, or you wanted someone to call you or attend to you. Identify a recent experience you had of longing and consider the situation, the people, the place.
    4. Turn your attention toward the felt sense of the wanting. Hold this feeling of wanting, and as you do, see if you can identify what it is that you want—below the particularities. What universal need are you touching upon? Maybe you want respect, ease, joy, or connection.
    5. Consider this question: How could I meet this need? Take a few moments to explore the creative ways this need could be met.
    6. Take a few deep breaths. Feel your body on the chair or on the ground. When you’re ready, lift your gaze.



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  • A 10 Minute Body Scan That You Can Practice

    A 10 Minute Body Scan That You Can Practice

    Explore this guided practice to calm your mind, notice sensations in the body, and bring awareness to the present moment.

    We’re practicing mindfulness each time that we bring attention to a body part and are aware that we are doing so. Practicing mindfulness through this 10-minute body scan involves moving attention through various parts of the body. You will notice sensations that are present in your feet or hands or legs such as tingling, tightness, temperature, or you might notice a lack of sensation; simply be aware of it.

    We’re practicing mindfulness each time that we bring attention to a body part and are aware that we are doing so.

    We typically do the body scan by lying down on the floor or a soft surface, but if that’s not possible for you, you can certainly do the body scan while sitting in a chair.

    A 10-Minute Body Scan Practice

    As we begin this 10-minute body scan, we’ll be slowly and systematically moving attention through the various regions of the body, from the feet to the top of the head, noting any physical sensations as we go along.

    1. As you are lying on whatever surface you’re on, notice what it feels like to be lying there. Noticing the sensations present in this moment, noticing temperature, noticing points of contact with the body and the surface, noticing the rise and the fall of the abdomen. Allowing the body to rest in this position and noticing sensations as you breathe in and as you breathe out.
    2. Left foot and leg: Feeling the air move in and out of your body, let’s begin by bringing attention to the toes of your left foot. With the in-breath, noticing the sensations present or lack of sensation. And then with an out-breath, letting go of the toes and move your attention to the bottom of the left foot, including the heel touching the floor. Noticing all the sensations present in that region of the body, also notice how lack of sensation is something the mind can be aware of. Move on to the top of your left foot and ankle, noticing sensation. Now moving to the lower leg, knee, thigh, and hip on the left side of the body.
    3. Right foot and leg: Moving awareness, now, to the toes of the right foot, the bottom of the right foot, including the heel touching the floor. Bringing awareness to the sensations present in that part of the body. Moving on to the top of your right foot and ankle and scanning that region with awareness, noticing sensations present or lack of sensation. Now move into the lower leg, knee, thigh, and hip on the right side of the body.
    4. Pelvis: Bringing awareness now to the pelvic region, noticing sensations present or lack of sensation.
    5. Lower back and abdomen: Bringing awareness to the lower back and abdomen, aware of what’s there, without judgment or assessment, simply noticing with awareness.
    6. Upper back, ribs, and chest: Continuing to scan the back, the rib cage, and chest.
    7. Shoulders: Moving now to the shoulder blades and shoulders, noticing what is present in those regions of the body.
    8. Fingers and hands: From here, go to the fingers and the hands, the left and right together. Tuning into the fingers, thumbs, palms, back of the hands, wrists, noticing what’s there, noticing sensations present in the hands and the fingers.
    9. Wrists and arms: Now moving awareness to the wrists, forearms, elbows, upper arms, and shoulders, and noticing what sensations are present in those regions of the body. On an out-breath, let go of the whole of the arms and the hands.
    10. Neck and throat: Moving now to the neck and the throat, noticing what is there or not there.
    11. Head: Moving on to the head and face, and scanning with awareness the jaw, and the chin, the lips, the teeth, and gums, roof of the mouth, tongue, the back of the throat, the cheeks, and the nose. Feeling the air moving in and out of the nose. Then bringing awareness to the ears, the eyes, the eyelids, eyebrows, forehead, temples, and scalp, holding the whole of that region with awareness.
    12. Now, notice the breath: Stay in the present moment with the breath flowing in and out of the body, simply awake to whatever arises and predominates in your field of awareness at any given moment. And this may include thoughts or feelings, sensations, sounds, the breath, stillness, and silence. Be with whatever comes up in the same way you were with the scan.
    13. Notice how you may tend to react to impulses, thoughts, memories, and worries: Let yourself purposefully observe them without rejecting or pursuing. Practice simply seeing and letting go, seeing and letting go. No agenda other than to be present and awake.
    14. Closing:  In a moment, you’ll hear the sound of the chimes and move the awareness from the body to the sound. And as you follow the last sound to the end, gradually wiggle the toes and move the feet and stretch in whatever way you like. Coming back into the room, fully awake and fully present.

    As we bring this 10-minute body scan practice to a close, may we be peaceful and at ease, may our hearts be soft and open, may we be safe and protected, and our bodies healthy and strong. And for all of those known and unknown to us, may they be peaceful and at ease, may their hearts be soft and open, may they be safe and protected and their bodies healthy and strong. May the merit of this practice be for the benefit of all beings.

    Introduction text adapted from Harvard Pilgrim. This practice was originally published on Mindful.org in October 2018.



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  • Savor the Day With A Guided Walking Meditation

    Savor the Day With A Guided Walking Meditation

    This short walking meditation from Jon Kabat-Zinn encourages you to embracing mindful awareness with every footfall.

    Walking meditation is not about getting somewhere on foot. Instead, you are being with each step, fully here, where you actually are. You are not trying to get anywhere, even to the next step. There is no arriving, other than continually arriving in the present moment where you can savor the day.

    You are not trying to get anywhere, even to the next step. There is no arriving, other than continually arriving in the present moment.

    With walking, we have the opportunity to be in our bodies in a somewhat different way than when sitting or lying down. We can bring our attention to our feet and feel the contact of the foot with the floor or ground with every step. 

    Walking is a controlled falling forward, a process it took us a long time to master, and one that we often take completely for granted, forgetting just how wondrous and wonderful it is. So when the mind goes off, as it will do in walking meditation just as with any other practice, we take note of where it has gone, of what is presently on our mind, and then gently escort it back to this moment, this breath, and this step.

    Distance: How Long Should I Walk For? 

    Since you are not going anywhere, it is best to minimize opportunities for self-distraction by walking slowly back and forth in a lane, over and over again. The lane doesn’t have to be long. Ten paces one way, ten paces the other way would be fine. In any event, it is not a sightseeing tour of your environment. You keep your eyes soft and the gaze out in front of you. You do not have to look at your feet. They mysteriously know where they are, and awareness can inhabit them and be in touch with every part of the step cycle moment by moment by moment as well as with the whole of the body walking and breathing.

    Speed: How Fast Should I Walk? 

    Walking meditation can be practiced at any number of different speeds, and that gives it lots of applications in daily living. In fact, we can easily go from mindful walking to mindful running, a wonderful practice in its own right. There, of course, we abandon the lane, as we can certainly do for long-distance and faster formal walks. But when we introduce formal mindful walking in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, it is done extremely slowly, to damp down on our impulse to move quickly, as well as to refine our intimacy with the sensory dimensions of the experience of walking and how they are connected with the whole of the body walking and with the breath, to say nothing about having a better sense of what is going on in the mind.

    If you want to try a walking meditation for yourself, try out the guided practice from Jon Kabat-Zinn below.

    A Guided Walking Meditation to Help You Savor the Day

    The above is adapted from Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Guided Mindfulness Meditation Series 3, available here. These guided meditations are designed to accompany Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book Falling Awake and the other three volumes based on Coming to Our Senses.

    Everyday Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn 

    When he started MBSR, Jon Kabat-Zinn didn’t have a detailed plan—just passion and an inkling that lots of good would come of it. He recently spoke with Mindful about his new MasterClass and shared insights on mindfulness and meditation.
    Read More 

    • Mindful Staff
    • February 1, 2024

    Take Your Mind for a Walk 

    Meditation can seem so meaningful and significant that it becomes a great big chore. In fact, with a slight shift in attitude, it can be as simple as walking the dog.
    Read More 

    • Steven Hickman
    • January 26, 2016



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  • A Meditation to Breathe Out Love

    A Meditation to Breathe Out Love

    In this week’s practice, meditation teacher Kimberly Brown offers a gentle loving-kindness meditation to allow difficulty and offer love.

    Tonglen, sometimes called loving-kindness meditation, is a Tibetan practice of giving and receiving.

    In Tonglen, we open ourselves to our entire experience, including what is painful and difficult. We acknowledge our suffering, including the suffering we share with others. Then, we release intentions for peace, healing, and love out into the world. 

    In today’s meditation, teacher Kimberly Brown guides us through a gentle practice based on Tonglen. This meditation is a space for us to simply experience our struggle, to breathe in any tension or tightness, and to breathe out love, both as a sense of openness and ease, and also as a way of being at peace with ourselves and others.

    Note that this practice includes longer pauses of complete silence for reflection and presence. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go.

    A Meditation to Breathe Out Love

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    Note: This practice includes long pauses of complete silence to give you time to spend in contemplation. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go. 

    1. If you’ve learned Tonglen before, you may have done it as a visualization. It’s often taught that as you inhale, struggle, and suffer, you can imagine you’re breathing in smoke or darkness. And as you exhale, you can imagine you are exhaling or giving light or clear, fresh air. In today’s meditation, I won’t be using a visualization, but you’re welcome to do that if that makes it more accessible for you.
    2. To begin, just get quiet and still. Find a place where you won’t be disturbed for about 10 or 15 minutes. And I know you’re on a device because you’re listening to me, but move that device away from you. Don’t check emails or listen to music or anything right now. Take this time, this opportunity to just get quiet and still and pay attention to yourself with kindness.
    3. You can lie down if you’d like, you can sit, or you could also walk or stand. Notice what’s arising in you right now. You might notice light is entering through your eyes. Smell is touching your nose. Sound is entering your ears, taste entering your taste buds, your mouth. Notice all the sensations of your body, the weight of you. The air on your skin. And notice your breath, allowing yourself to receive your breath.
    4. Remember, you don’t have to do anything. Just accept your breath, allowing your body to breathe and receive. In the same way, you are allowing yourself to receive the breath and receive light through your eyelids or your eyes, receiving sound through your ears, and receiving thought. You don’t have to think or push anything away, or create anything. Instead, you’re simply allowing all of these arisings to come and to go. 
    5. For the next few minutes, you don’t have to fix anything, and you don’t have to figure anything out. You’re just allowing all of these sensations to come to you and letting them arise and change and dissolve. They’re all going to come and go. If you get caught in a big story or something, that’s okay. You can gently use your breath as a tether to come back and then relax and open up again, just for a couple of minutes.
    6. After the time for silence, notice where your attention is. For example, notice light entering your eyes, thoughts entering your mind, smell entering your nose, receiving your breath, and taking a moment here to recognize your intention. You have chosen to practice a meditation today. You could be doing probably many other things, and yet you are taking your time and your effort and your compassion and your wisdom to practice in this way. Appreciate your intention, whatever is bringing you to this, knowing that it’s a beneficial motivation and that it is valuable to yourself and others. So please thank yourself. I thank you for being here today.
    7. Now, bring your attention to your breath. You can place a hand on your heart and on your belly and notice your breath: the rise of your chest and your abdomen as you inhale, and the relaxation, the contraction, as you exhale. Feel your presence. As you inhale, gently allow yourself to feel any places of tightness and stress.
    8. Allow yourself to notice painful feelings and thoughts. Bring them closer to you, breathing them in. As you exhale, let go of this tension. Relax. Offer yourself ease. Have a sense of space and openness. Continue in this way, very gently drawing in your difficulties, bringing them closer to you like you might be hugging someone you know in distress. And as you exhale, give yourself a sense of peace, a sense of ease, a sense of, It’s okay. Continue this repetition of breathing in your struggles and breathing out a sense of peace and ease and kindness and patience, just for a couple of minutes.
    9. Again, after the pause, notice where your attention is. If you need to begin again, that’s okay. Gently reconnect with yourself. Inhale your difficulties and exhale a sigh, a softness, and open just for one more minute.
    10. After this pause, consider for a moment that whatever your struggle is, there are many, many other people struggling in a very similar way. If you have an illness, there are others who are also experiencing that illness. If you’re having financial stress, there’s others experiencing that. If you are experiencing oppression, there’re others experiencing oppression. If you are in a conflict with someone you love, there are others in conflict with people that they love. So I’d like you to start to consider all of these other beings struggling in the same way you are. For example, my father died a couple years ago, and I am considering and thinking of all of the other people on the planet, perhaps even all the animals, who have lost their fathers. So, breathe in, very gently, this struggle, this difficulty that you and others have. You could imagine them or you can just have a sense of this collective difficulty and struggle and pain. Gently breathe it in, and then breathe out relaxation, openness, patience, ease for yourself and for all these others going through something similar. 
    11. Continue this process for as long as you like. If you want more time in silence, just pause the recording. Continue receiving and giving, breathing in difficulty and breathing out love. You can do as many rounds of this as you like. 
    12. When you’re ready, you can let go of the technique and gently allow yourself to rest. Thank yourself for your practice today. I thank you for practicing, for your good sense and for your beautiful heart. You can email me or leave comments if you have questions. Thank you. 



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  • The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    Research suggests that when we turn towards pain and discomfort, we can experience less of it. Plus, Ed Halliwell offers a guided meditation for being mindful when things get tough.

    Research into mindfulness has shown the benefits of staying present, and of gently turning towards difficulty. Mindfulness-based relapse prevention (MBRP) trains people with addictive habits to manage their cravings mindfully by staying present to the sensations of craving, rather than trying to distract from them, avoid them or defeat them.

    The Science of Staying Present

    In a large trial of MBRP, mindfulness-trained patients drank and used drugs significantly less than those who were treated with cognitive-behavioural approaches, and a control group who attended twelve-step and psycho-education groups. The authors of the study conclude that mindfulness was the most successful approach, especially over the longer term, because it enabled patients to “monitor and skilfully cope with discomfort associated with craving or negative affect.” A similar study with smokers found that mindfulness training was more than five times as effective as a standard smoking cessation programme, as measured by abstinence from cigarettes after four months (31 per cent compared to 6 per cent). Another study has suggested that mindful people are more able to tolerate their own distress, rather than react in harmful ways.

    There are benefits to staying present with physical, as well as emotional, discomfort. Fadel Zeidan and colleagues suggest that meditation practice is associated with brain changes that indicate and reflect shifts in people’s experience of, and relationship with, pain. Meditators show decreased activity in the primary somatosensory cortex (an area of the brain involved in registering pain) and increased activity in three areas involved in the regulation of pain—the anterior insula, the anterior cingulate cortex and the pre-frontal cortex. When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases. They may not get so caught up in the negative stories and evasive reactions that tend to accompany pain but do nothing to stop it (and, indeed, may increase the mind’s perception of it). This may be why people with chronic conditions have reported reductions in pain after training in mindfulness, even though they still suffer from the illness.

    When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases.

    As far back as 1971, Robert Wallace and Herbert Benson found that meditation reduced activity in the sympathetic nervous system, which controls the “fight or flight” reaction. More recently, attending a mindfulness course has been shown to reduce activity and grey matter volume in the amygdala—a key indicator of how strongly this reaction is triggered. With mindfulness training also comes a thickening in parts of the pre-frontal cortex—the region directly behind the forehead—which may be connected to a strengthening of the body’s capacity to regulate stress. Connections between the amygdala and other parts of the brain weaken after mindfulness training.

    One part of the pre-frontal cortex associated with stress regulation is the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). Poor ACC function tends to correlate with impulsive behaviour and mental inflexibility—which are both common among people who are under stress. Experienced meditators display more activity in the ACC, and better stress regulation. The capacity to self- manage during difficult situations may be trainable at a very young age. One study that tracked a group of pre-school children who attended a mindfulness programme over six months found that they were less impulsive (more able to regulate) than a group of children who did not receive the training.

    The Benefits of Leaning Into Discomfort

    Just the act of describing unpleasant experiences mindfully can have a positive effect on stress levels. In one study, people with a fear of spiders were asked to walk towards and try to touch a live tarantula. Some were invited to reassure themselves as they approached the spider, while others were advised to distract themselves from what they were trying to do. A third group was encouraged to acknowledge and turn towards their fear, saying something like: “I am frightened by the big ugly spider.” The members of this third group—those who openly stayed present to their fear— got closest to the tarantula, felt least upset by the experience, and had the least sweaty palms.

    Staying present to difficulties seems to have a significant impact on well-being. In Matt Killingsworth’s studies of wandering minds, he has found that people are less happy when their minds are distracted, even when they are engaged in an activity that we would usually describe as unpleasant. So, for instance, even though most people are not keen on commuting, they tend to be happier if their minds turn towards the experience of the journey rather than wander away from it. Other studies have suggested that setting oneself the goal of avoiding stress increases the long-term risk of depression. By contrast, if we view stress as a normal, helpful indicator—something we can handle and from which we can learn—rather than as something to eliminate, we are more likely to experience good health and emotional well-being.

    Try This 15-Minute Guided Mindfulness Meditation

    When you’ve established a stable foundation with mindfulness of breath and body you can experiment with turning towards difficulty.

    Sometimes our experience is painful and difficult. And there may be little or nothing we can do about the arising of the pain or difficulty. In these cases, we may be able to work with what’s happening skillfully by exploring our relationship to it. Most of us have a habitual pattern of turning away from problems or trying to get rid of unpleasant events. Unfortunately this often seems to increase our sense of stress, because if pain is already present, you can’t get rid of it by trying to run away from it. In mindfulness practice we gently experiment with reversing this habit by turning gently towards difficult experiences that come up in our meditation.

    This practice is usually best done in small doses at first. Preferably working with difficulties that aren’t likely to be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you’re in charge of how you undertake this experiment. You can return to mindfulness of breathing as an anchor at any time or let go of this practice for a while if you need to, being kind to yourself.

    Note that this practice includes longer pauses of complete silence for reflection and presence. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go.

    1. Begin by settling into a dignified sitting posture. Upright, steady, grounded. Feeling the feet on the floor, bottom on the chair, spine erect shoulders dropped. Feel a sense of openness at the chest, muscles un-tensed, centered, feeling the breath in the belly. Attuning attention to sensations of the breath as it moves in and out. Being with the breath. Being in the body.
    2. And now expanding awareness to experience throughout the body. Being in the present moment with the body. Noticing what you find and allowing what’s here to be here. Especially noticing sensations in the body that are more unpleasant and difficult to be with. Maybe there’s an aching, throbbing, churning, or a tightening somewhere. There may be a physical or a more emotional tone to the sensations. If it feels helpful to label this for yourself, you could mentally say some words describing the experience: anger, pain, or restlessness, for example. Perhaps also noticing where in the body you’re feeling these tones of sensation and emotion.
    3. Now inviting you to experiment with gently taking your attention towards a region of more intense sensation. Turning towards the intensity. Being interested in the qualities of and changes in sensation from moment to moment. What increases or decreases in intensity are there? What shifts in location or texture? As best you can, staying with the direct experience of sensation and letting any thoughts about what’s happening or urges and impulses to react be held in kindly awareness in the background of the mind. Letting go of any need to try and get any kind of result here or for anything to have to change. Just gently turning towards what’s going on. And noticing what happens without an agenda. Riding the waves of experience, moment by moment.
    4. If you like you could offer a sense of breathing with the sensations, feeling them together with the rising and falling of the breath. Breathing in with sensations, breathing out with sensations.
    5. Noticing: are there any impulses to resist or pull away? Perhaps you find your attention drawn into thoughts. Rumination maybe or distraction. Maybe you find your thoughts trying to make sense of the difficulty or problem solving it or judge the success or failure of the practice by whether the intensity decreases or changes. As best you can, seeing if you can include these reactions in your noticing, allowing space for them to be experienced along with the sensations themselves—without having to buy into them or reject them.
    6. If it feels too much to be doing this it’s always okay to continue with or return to mindfulness of breathing or body or to stop practicing for a time. Gentleness is paramount here and there are no right or wrong things to happen when you try this. Just being interested in what does happen when you take your attention into a region of difficulty, moving towards it, letting the experience be observed and awareness without needing to do anything else.
    7. And experimenting now if this feels okay for you with breathing into the region of intensity. Opening further to the sensations on the in-breath and having a sense of softening on the out-breath, of letting go. This isn’t to try and change what’s happening but rather to offer a skillful relationship to it. Flowing with it. Offering space to it, allowing it. Breathing into the sensations on the in-breath, breathing out from them on the out-breath, softening, letting be, allowing.
    8. Staying present with the intensity only for as long as feels manageable for you right now. If you like you can gently move your attention away from and then back towards the intensity noticing what happens each time you work with redirecting your attention in and out. Inviting you to be like a scientist undertaking a laboratory experiment. Being interested in what happens rather than seeking a particular outcome. Coming back to mindfulness of breath or body as and when that feels right for you.
    This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus). Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.



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  • Is There a Time and Place for “Suck It Up”?

    Is There a Time and Place for “Suck It Up”?

    When I was a kid, my dad taught me how to do a backflip off the diving board. I was terrified, but with his encouragement, I pulled it off. Then he had me do it again—and again—until it stuck. Feeling confident, I decided to push myself and bounce higher. Bad move. I jumped high, but not far enough out, and ended up hitting my head on the diving board on the way down. Then I sank. Underwater, I saw my dad’s hand reach in to grab me. Once I was out, I burst into tears. That’s when I heard it for the first time: “Suck it up.”

    He told me to get back on the board and do it again. I was furious, scared, and confused, but his tough approach worked (ish). Though I didn’t want to, I climbed back up. I reluctantly mustered every ounce of courage and completed another backflip. Then I got out of the pool, fuming at my dad for making me do it again after I was hurt, and ran inside the house. I was pissed and I didn’t forgive him for years. Looking back, I get it now (ish). He totally could have handled it better, sure, but it was all he knew—it was his normal.

    Here’s the other thing I realized: There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos. In that moment, “sucking it up” was necessary for me to calm down, refocus, and get back on the proverbial horse. But here’s the catch: When that approach becomes your everyday norm—especially when your job is all chaos, all the time—it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.

    There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos—but when that approach becomes your everyday norm, it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.

    Calm Isn’t (Always) the Goal

    For the first responders I meet while leading Tactical Brain Training sessions, that’s the challenge. The nature of the work demands you set emotions aside to handle emergencies effectively.

    A detective once said to me, “So when someone is coming at me with a gun or knife, you want me to close my eyes, take a few breaths, and be peaceful and calm?” I replied, “Sure, if your intention is to get stabbed or shot!” (I may have cursed a bit here too.) I followed up with something like, “No, that would be the wrong move here. Instead, you can use mindfulness to complement your law enforcement training strategically …protecting yourself. And no, don’t close your eyes!”

    When the job requires you to literally place yourself in the fire, the stress that comes with it is understandable. And the trauma—whether experienced personally or from witnessing someone else’s—is inevitable. If we know that trauma is part of the job, it becomes our responsibility to address it. We train for every other aspect of the job—drawing a weapon, performing CPR, restraining someone—so why not train to manage the potential fallout? This is the gap I see between training for action and training for sustainability (that is, training to keep ourselves mentally healthy).

    Mindfulness interventions and Tactical Brain Training are not just about creating calm; they’re about regulating the nervous system, enabling someone to approach their job or their partner with purposeful actions rather than just reacting. Instead of letting emotions guide actions, mindfulness interventions train the brain’s prefrontal cortex to help guide actions. The prefrontal cortex is in charge of executive functioning: cognitive abilities such as working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. Training this part of the brain means we’re able to operate in a responsive state rather than a reactive one.

    For first responders, veterans, and other people who face high-stress situations, having a variety of emotional regulation techniques increases access to balance. It’s about building a go-to toolbox of strategies. If one doesn’t work, toss it and try another. This isn’t about zoning out or ignoring the pain and suffering; it’s about training to tune into it while knowing you have a strategy to work your way out.

    How to “Suck It Up” With Mindfulness

    Mindfulness is not as simple as “just notice your emotions” or “just take a breath.” Asking someone who’s been trained to suppress their emotions in order to save a drowning person to suddenly feel and embrace every emotion can be overwhelming, distracting, and even frustrating. And asking someone who is highly agitated to stop what they’re doing and take a breath can be ridiculously annoying! If you ever see me write or hear me say “JFB,” this is my way of creating some levity in a stressful moment, which can have the benefit of incorporating an intervention without the associated stigma or frustration. JFB stands for Just F’ing Breathe (but I’m sure you already figured that out).

    It’s key to start small. You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps. It would be pretty dumb to start weight training by lifting 100 lbs. We need to build slowly and steadily (I’m currently at 10-lb weights—apparently I need to work on this.)

    You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps.

    For example, instead of starting with “I am so frustrated, where do I feel it in my body?” which can feel overwhelming, you can approach the mind-body connection interventions in a stepwise progression. Begin with something like: “First I want to train to feel sensations in my body, and then I will try to connect those sensations with an emotion.” It’s helpful to begin with noticing common physical sensations. Train for curiosity: “Where do I feel hunger?” “Where does fatigue show up in my body?”

    From Chaos to Emotional Regulation

    From there, you can build. Think a happy thought. What does happiness feel like in your body? And, think of something frustrating (but NOT traumatic, as there’s no need to purposefully trigger yourself here). And be curious again. Try and identify where you feel frustration. This step-by-step approach builds a foundation of awareness. By the time emotions are addressed directly, it’s no longer foreign or overwhelming. Skills have been developed to notice without being consumed.

    This is exactly why I call it Tactical Brain Training. It shifts the idea of mindfulness away from the stigma of being “emotional” and reframes it as a strategic way of thinking. The idea is not to disappear emotions in order to get the job done. It’s about creating a “suck it up container,” knowing you can return to those emotions once the chaos settles. Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.

    Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.

    Just like learning to backflip off a diving board, it requires practice, patience, and a step-by-step approach. And when mistakes happen—as they inevitably do—the training allows emotions to be acknowledged without letting them take control. Instead, they’re momentarily set aside, enabling clear focus to complete the task at hand.

    So many people I work with are surprised to learn that it can be this simple. I’m not saying  traumatic experiences are simple, and I’m not saying starting a mindfulness practice is easy. What I am saying is this:

    • Yes, stress and trauma are inevitable parts of the job.
    • No, you are not broken.
    • Yes, it is what it is—and now you know.
    • Yes, you can approach this in a way that feels relatable to you.
    • Now, let’s get to work! #JFB



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  • A Meditation to Help You Make Any Decision—Big or Small

    A Meditation to Help You Make Any Decision—Big or Small

    In this week’s practice, meditation teacher Toby Sola guides us through a practice to help get clarity when facing all different kinds of decisions.

    You might not think of mindfulness as being a resource to help with decision-making, but moments of intentional silence can sharpen our mental clarity and help us discern which choices feel most aligned.

    In this guided practice, meditation teacher Toby Sola offers a simple technique you can use, whether you’re facing a life-changing choice or are just feeling overwhelmed by all the smaller decisions that often crowd our busy lives.

    A Meditation to Help You Make Any Decision—Big or Small

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    Note: This practice includes long pauses of complete silence to give you time to spend in contemplation. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go.

    1. To start, lengthen your spine and relax your shoulders and arms. Sitting is great because you’re both alert and relaxed. 
    2. Take a moment to think of a decision that’s been on your mind. It can be a big one, like if you should have kids, or it can be a small one, like if you should buy peanut butter.
    3. Once you have your decision, come up with two statements: an “I will” statement and an “I will not” statement. For example, I will have kids and I will not have kids. Or, I will buy peanut butter and I will not buy peanut butter. You may have to simplify your decision in order to create I will and I will not statements.
    4. Say your I will statement a few times to yourself in your head. Don’t say it out loud, say it to yourself, in your mind. Now continue to use mental talk to list the reasons behind your I will statement. Your inner monologue may sound like this. Peanut butter is tasty. It goes well with the apples that I have. I think it’s on sale right now. Start listing the reasons for your I will statement now.
    5. Now let that go and say your I will not statement a few times. Begin listing the reasons why your I will not statement is a good idea. For example, The rest of my family doesn’t like peanut butter. It’s expensive.  
    6. Now let that go. Next, we’ll use our imagination to explore the decision. We’ll start with the I will side of things. Imagine what your future might look like if you go with the I will statement. Use your imagination to create mental pictures of this possible future. For example, if you’re considering whether to have kids, you might imagine waking up to kids jumping on your bed.
    7. Now let’s move on to the I will not statement. Use your imagination to create mental pictures of what your life might be like if you go with the I Will Not statement. Imagine how your life might unfold.
    8. Next, we’ll explore our emotional body. Bring your attention down into your body. Once again, consider the I will statement and notice if you feel any emotions. Maybe you feel excitement, joy, anxiety or nervousness. Maybe you don’t notice anything. It’s all good. Just notice any emotions that come up when you consider the I will statement.
    9. Now switch to the I will not statement. In the way that you did with the I will statement, notice any body emotions that come up with the I will not option.
    10. At this point, you may know what to do, you might not know what to do, you may realize that you need more information, or you may be realizing that you should be making another decision. Regardless of where you’re at, let’s take some time to feel good. To the best of your ability, cultivate pride and joy in your body. Intentionally smiling can help. Making decisions can be hard work, and even if we still don’t know what to do, at least we’re putting in the effort. We should feel proud of that—so smile; feel good. 



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  • Wise Engagement with the World: What to Do When You Wish Things Were Different

    Wise Engagement with the World: What to Do When You Wish Things Were Different

    Summary

    • Wise engagement starts with caring for yourself through loving, patient attention.
    • Staying present with your difficult emotions is a form of wise engagement that changes how you relate to your pain.
    • Engaging wisely with the truth that everything changes can give our actions more wisdom and clarity, helping to benefit others.

    What should you do when you feel helpless, hostile, or outraged? Maybe your spouse betrayed your trust, a friend criticized you behind your back, or your child refuses to listen. Or maybe, like many of us today, you’re heartbroken and angry about the actions of political leaders, corporations, or governments—especially when they cause harm to people, animals, or the planet.

    You’re not morally wrong and you’re not a bad person to feel the way you do, but your emotions aren’t hurting the people causing harm. They’re hurting you. They cloud your mind, contract your heart, and make it harder to act with the wisdom and clarity the world so badly needs right now.

    That’s why it’s essential to take care of yourself—not by checking out or pretending things are okay, but by meeting your pain with loving attention, patience, and kindness. This is the practice of non-hatred—the profound and deeply wise choice to relate to suffering without fueling the fires of rage, despair, or blame.

    Choosing Presence and Acceptance

    Taking care of your difficult emotions means staying present with your body, heart, and mind, even when it’s painful. You might put your hand on your heart or belly and bring your attention to the sensations, thoughts, and energies arising in you. You can gently say to yourself, “I’m here for you,” or use Thich Nhat Hanh’s powerful words: “I see you, [name the feeling], and I’m not going to leave you.” This simple act of acknowledgment softens the edges of emotional pain. You’re not trying to get rid of it—you’re learning to relate to it with openness, understanding, and tenderness. That’s how healing begins and wisdom arises.

    You’re learning to relate to emotional pain with openness, understanding, and tenderness. That’s how healing begins and wisdom arises.

    It also arises through metta, or loving-kindness. In the Buddhist tradition, this quality is sometimes translated as “non-hatred.” When you’re feeling hurt or upset with people or policies, you might not be able to wish them well. But you can choose to not wish them ill. Non-hatred doesn’t mean approving of harm. It means not letting malice or aggression take root in your own heart. It’s the wisdom of protecting yourself from the corrosive effects of hostility and ill-will while still taking meaningful action.

    Non-hatred includes compassion for your own distress and for those who are suffering. It’s rooted in the recognition that sustained anger clouds judgment, causes deep inner pain, and often leads us to act in ways that perpetuate harm rather than stop it. Choosing non-hatred allows us to respond—rather than react—with steadiness, strength, and clarity.

    Choosing non-hatred allows us to respond—rather than react—with steadiness, strength, and clarity.

    Contrary to current cultural messages, responding in this way isn’t weakness. It’s strength guided by wisdom. It means we stop harm when we can, but we do it from an undisturbed mind and a compassionate heart.

    Taking Comfort in Change

    You can also ground yourself and steady your upset with the truth of change.

    Nothing exists in isolation, and nothing stays the same forever. Even a simple wooden table is the result of countless factors: the tree, the soil, the weather, the lumber mill, the delivery system, the craftsman. Each of those conditions has its own causes.

    The same is true for suffering—personal, cultural, and global. Everything harmful or broken exists because of specific conditions. That’s good news, because if we can change the conditions, we can change the outcomes.

    Everything harmful or broken exists because of specific conditions—and if we can change the conditions, we can change the outcomes.

    That’s why your actions matter. What you think, say, and do shapes the world. Even small acts—motivated by wisdom, compassion, and non-harming—contribute to the conditions necessary for unity, generosity, and harmony. When your actions arise from steadiness and goodwill rather than reactivity, they’re far more effective. Calm, clear, and courageous responses don’t just feel better—they do better.

    You may not be able to control the actions of others or the circumstances of the world, but you can always choose to respond with wisdom and clarity.

    You begin by turning toward your distress with openness and gentleness. Then you cultivate the practice of non-hatred. And finally, you commit to using your thoughts, words, and actions to contribute to the conditions that bring benefit and avoid causing harm. You make a choice to participate in the creation of a more just, generous, and loving world—for yourself, your friends and family, and all living beings.



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