Category: Mental Health

  • Resting in the Flow With A Guided Meditation

    Resting in the Flow With A Guided Meditation

    Stress reduction, helping with depression, coping with illness and adversity, improved relational skills, and an ability to make better, less bias-prone decisions—all of these benefits can flow from mindfulness training. But they might all be seen like by-products of travelling along a path to deeper awakening, which flows from the recognition that nothing in life, including ourselves, is stuck in the way we habitually think.

    In mindfulness practice, we train in letting go of our stories about stress and pain, learn that thoughts are not facts, and watch sensations change from moment to moment. We notice that experience is fluid, and can be perceived without taking it so personally. We learn that pain, stress, thoughts and everything else that occurs in the mind and body are not “me.”

    Why “Me” Always Changes

    So what kind of “me” is there? When we ask ourselves this question, most of us will come up with a list of identities—perhaps a name, a profession, a family role, a nationality. Already there are problems with this—as Jon Kabat-Zinn puts it, your name is “just a sound that your parents gave to you when you were born.” It may be applied consistently, for convenience, throughout a lifetime, but what it refers to certainly shifts over the years. I am not the same “me” who had my name as a baby.

    The composition of our bodies is in continual flux. Over the last few weeks, your epidermis (the layer of skin that covers your body) has completely regenerated. Cells in the stomach are replaced after about five days, while our livers regenerate every year. Our entire skeleton is replaced every ten years. The brain changes all the time, too. Over the last fifteen years, researchers have learned that neural shifts occur as a consequence of events in the mind, body, and life. An experienced taxi driver will develop an unusually large hippocampus (a part of the brain associated with learning, memory, and spatial processing), while a skilled musician’s fine motor cortex will reflect their years of practice. Even learning to juggle over the course of a week produces observable neural changes in the brain. Many people believe that the core of their “self” resides in the brain, but if we never have the same brain from one moment to the next, how could there be such a core?

    What Makes Up “Me”?

    The evidence from neuroscience research suggests that what feels like “me” is in fact an infinite number of changing aspects of mind, brain and body, working in harmony to produce a sense of coherence and agency from the events of life. The experience of being “me” is a projection—a bit like when a film appears on a screen from the projection of different colours. This projected “me” assumes responsibility for actions that actually occur as a fluid interchange of indefinable aspects of mind,
    body, brain, and environment.

    There are heavy costs to this assumption. You don’t have to get depressed to witness how close identification with thoughts, emotions, and sensations creates suffering. Every time we turn a thought into a fact in our minds by calling it “mine,” we become blinded to the reality that it is influenced (and often biased) by myriad causes and conditions in our past and present. When we identify with a thought, it becomes difficult to see its biases, and we become trapped in a virtual version of life, doomed to self-righteousness, paranoia, negativity, or other patterns of distorted thinking. Similarly, when we identify with an emotion, we become prisoners of our moods. And when we get caught up with our bodies, we feel at their mercy, struggling with a journey through life that inevitably proceeds towards infirmity and breakdown.

    Why Losing Control Can Make You Happier

    Relief is attainable by shifting perception and letting go of the falsehood that we are in complete control. By recognizing the conditioning that deeply affects our lives, we can start to give ourselves—and others—a break. At the same time, realizing we are multi-faceted beings that change from moment to moment, in flow with an ever-shifting biological, psychological, social, and environmental context, we can start to practice riding with the changes. We can hold our beliefs and opinions lightly, rather than construct blindingly fixed identities from them.

    As soon as we are aware of thoughts and sensations arising in experience, rather than getting caught in attempts to grasp or reject them, a glimmer of space emerges between the events of our lives and our reactions to them.

    As soon as we are aware of thoughts and sensations arising in experience, rather than getting caught in attempts to grasp or reject them, a glimmer of space emerges between the events of our lives and our reactions to them. In this space, reactions can become responses, and tension and resistance can fall away, along with the stress they generate. Life becomes a dance with the world, rather than a war against it; a flow, rather than a struggle. By dropping our tight identification with what comes up in our minds, bodies and lives, we can start to feel better. As a famous meditation teacher once put it: “If you let go a little, you will get a little happiness. If you let go a lot, you will get a lot of happiness. And if you let go completely, you will be completely happy.”

    You can watch a video of me speaking for Action For Happiness about this and other mindfulness-related themes here. And below is a practice you can try to train in resting in the changing flow of moment-to-moment experience.

    Resting in the Flow of Experience

    Being human is like flowing as a river—many moving droplets make up the stream. The river changes all the time, yet there is continuity as it follows well-worn grooves through the landscape. A river cannot suddenly shift its direction, just as we humans tend to follow a course set by past events and patterns. Yet, the more we become aware of how the flow occurs and the grooves are followed, the more we can relax into the ride. As we see more clearly, we also become more able to steer our way skilfully through the current. A good way to begin is to practice resting in the flow, as in this meditation.

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. Settle into a posture for sitting meditation, feeling the connection of your body to the floor, cushion, or seat. At any time during this practice, especially if you feel disconnected or disembodied, come back to this sense of groundedness, anchoring your experience.
    2. Begin paying attention to breathing, noticing how each breath—indeed, each moment of each breath—is a unique experience, not the same as the previous one or the next. Notice how the breath happens without you controlling it—your breath is happening within you; “you” are not choosing to breathe. Know, too, that all of the automatic processes of the body—oxygenation of the cells, blood flow, heartbeat, and so on—are happening in the same way. As best you can, relax into this experience.
    3. Open awareness now to the whole body. As sensations rise into consciousness and pass through, recognize that they are all impermanent, continually transforming in intensity, location, and quality. Let them be experienced, moment by moment, and allow them to pass through, as best you can, without attachment or rejection. Recognize too that the physical constituents of your body are in flux—skin is being shed, cells are growing and dying, some neural connections are strengthening, others are weakening.
    4. Now bring awareness to thoughts. With a friendly interest, observe the patterns of thinking that are running through the mind, like clouds passing across the sky of the mind, making up its weather. Like the weather, these patterns are always changing, depending on atmospheric conditions. Realize that the thoughts you had a year ago, five years ago, a decade ago—each of which may have seemed extremely important back then—are now merely memories, and that thoughts appearing in the mind right now will share that fate.
    5. Finally, open up your mindfulness to every aspect of conscious experience—sensations, sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and thoughts. Let go into the space within and around you, remaining alert and present to whatever comes. Allow the play of experience to happen by itself, resting in the flow, moment by moment. When you notice attention wandering to a particular place, acknowledge the wandering and open out to the whole panorama of experience once more.
    This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus. Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.
    An Election Day Meditation 

    Follow along as Rhonda Magee guides us through a S.T.O.P. practice for focused awareness. The invitation is to be kind to yourself, take a conscious breath, and gently relate to thoughts, emotions, and sensations that arise. Read More 

    • Rhonda Magee
    • November 5, 2024



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  • Focus Your Busy Mind With A Grounding Practice

    Focus Your Busy Mind With A Grounding Practice

    We’re going to be exploring today a series of different ways to cultivate mindful attention. It’s a particularly helpful practice when the mind is busy, when we’re finding it hard to be present, when we’re triggered by something, or when it’s just really hard to settle. Of course, this might sound like any day of the week. But there are times in particular when we’re so busy thinking, planning, worrying, stressing that it’s really hard to focus on the breath or the body, or whatever particular meditation object we’re using. 

    Attending to Attention

    This practice is a really useful technique or tool that supports the attention that is grounded in our physical sensory experience. So I’m going to instruct you to move your attention from being aware of seeing, to hearing, to sensing your body. 

    And when I say, “be mindful of seeing,” that means I’m going to invite you to lower your gaze, like I’m doing right now, and sit with a soft, focused attention: relaxed eyes, soft gaze, and just being aware of the visual stimuli—color, light, form, shape. You’re not looking at any particular thing or observing or studying anything closely, just being aware of receiving the visual field in the same way we listen—which will be the next thing we shift our attention to. We will go from seeing to hearing. 

    And with hearing, again, you’re just opening up your attention and allowing the full auditory landscape to be known—hearing the ambient sounds, the distant sounds, the nearer sounds, the sound of my voice. This also includes sounds in the room where you are, or the sounds of nature, mechanical sounds—the general panorama of sounds. 

    So, we’ll do that for a few moments, and then we’ll shift our attention to sensing our physical experience. That is, sensing our posture, and in particular, feeling the contact of the body with the ground or whatever you’re sitting on. The focus will be on feeling your sitz bones, your legs, your feet. We’ll also steer toward some awareness of our breath. Then, we’ll rotate through those three primary experiences: seeing, hearing and sensing. And we’ll do this rotation several times as a way to really ground the attention. 

    Another benefit: each time we move the attention in this manner, it lights up our curiosity. And when we’re curious, it allows our attention to engage, allows us to abide more strongly in the present.

    A Grounding Practice to Focus Your Busy Mind

    Watch the video:

    Listen to the Audio:

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. Begin by finding a comfortable posture where you can sit upright and relaxed. Just take a moment to sense your physical experience. Ideally, your eyes are closed, or, if not, the gaze is lowered a little. Sense your body settling. Feel the contact of your body with the ground or the chair. Be aware of your posture, aware of the movement of breath and the sensations. In the body. 
    2. Now, from this experience of sensing the body, I invite you to open your eyes and just gaze in front of you. Lower the gaze maybe a few feet—aim for relaxed, soft eyes, a soft gaze. And just be mindful that you’re seeing, receiving through the eyes color, light, form, shape, movement. 
    3. Now, closing your eyes, lowering your gaze more, and shifting your attention to hearing. Be aware of sound. Be aware of silence. Be aware of the whole variety of the soundscape. 
    4. And then shifting awareness to sensing your body again. Sensing your posture, contact, touching, breathing. And open the eyes: now we’re seeing. Aim for a soft gaze. Think of saving through the eyes. There’s no need to make any particular effort. This is just simple mindfulness of seeing. 
    5. Closing the eyes now and be aware of hearing. No need to think about the sounds or the source of the sounds, just resting in the simple experience of hearing, of listening. 
    6. And now shifting attention to sensing the body again. Be curious about whatever it is you notice: temperature, breath, the experience of contact and touching, other physical sensations. 
    7. And moving to awareness of seeing again, so, opening the eyes. Move the eyes down a little, have a soft gaze. Be aware of the experience of knowing that you’re sitting here: sitting, seeing, hearing. There may be all kinds of noise going on in your mind—thoughts, planning, worrying—and yet this attunement to seeing and hearing and sensing allows you to stay grounded here. 
    8. Now we’re going to move our attention a little more quickly among these three spheres of our experience. So, let’s close the eyes, shifting awareness to hearing and sensing the sensations of your body. And now to seeing: opening the eyes. Now, again to hearing. Sensing your body. And lastly, opening the eyes and seeing. 
    9. As we bring the meditation to a close, be aware of all three of these areas of experience: seeing, and hearing, and sensing. Notice how this practice allows you to stay grounded and present. 

    No matter what might be going on in your life, whether it’s a busy mind, challenges in your body, or whatever else is pulling you away from the present moment, we can use this simple practice. Seeing, hearing, sensing: it’s a way to stay grounded, present, open. And it’s a way to support yourself in staying really grounded in your immediate experience. 

    You can practice this anywhere: in your office, at home, in a park. Pay particular attention to the contrast between doing this practice indoors versus having the support of the sensory experience outside. See if that makes a difference. And remember you can draw on this practice at any time—particularly when it feels hard to get present or concentrate or focus.

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  • The Wellness Trap: What Mindfulness Can’t Fix

    The Wellness Trap: What Mindfulness Can’t Fix

    If you’re a human living in 2026, you likely have a laundry list of things you’d like to have fixed. Your list might look something like: affordable housing, the global economy, cost of groceries, your headache, your backache, an aging body, the cost of gas, the price of groceries, global warming, and maybe something to deal with occasional self-doubt or chronic busyness. 

    And that’s just the top of the list. 

    In our collective overwhelm and longing to find peace or respite from the current landscape we find ourselves in, anywhere but “here” feels good, even if for a moment. 

    Some of us have turned to spirituality, looking for answers. Some of us have tried distracting ourselves with activities and to-do lists. And for others, we’ve taken an even deeper dive into wellness practices, supplements, and workout programs that promise us ways that we can “be well.”  

    In our collective overwhelm and longing to find peace or respite from the current landscape we find ourselves in, anywhere but “here” feels good, even if for a moment. 

    Enter Mindfulness. 

    When Practice Becomes a Commodity

    For decades, teachers like Jack Kornfield, Sharon Salzberg, and Joseph Goldstein helped introduce Insight Meditation (Vipassana) to Western audiences. They made a contemplative practice that had existed for centuries more accessible to people searching for a different relationship to stress, suffering, and the mind itself. 

    Over time, mindfulness moved beyond meditation centers and into schools, workplaces, therapist offices, and hospitals—and later, the larger wellness industry as a whole.

    In essence, mindfulness has become the new “superfood.”

    Somewhere along the way, however, mindfulness became more than a practice. It became a prefix. Today, when we encounter words like mindful eating, mindful communications, mindful parenting, mindful productivity—the adjective itself lends an air of credibility to what follows. 

    In essence, mindfulness has become the new “superfood.” The label itself is imbued with authority over what follows it, encouraging us to believe that simply adding the word “mindful” to an activity somehow lends it to being the wiser, more educated, or healthier choice in the room, when the reality is much more nuanced. 

    Have We Lost the Plot?

    In my quest to find some answers, I picked up a copy of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Full Catastrophe Living. Kabat-Zinn is credited with translating mindfulness into a clinical context known today as MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction), where practitioners in healthcare and hospitals have incorporated these practices. 

    The title comes from a line in Zorba the Greek, where the “full catastrophe” refers to the messiness of life (stress, work, uncertainty, insecurity, love, joy, illness, loss) and all that comes with it. The book’s basic premise is that we cannot control what happens to us in this life, but we can change our relationship to what happens. 

    Mindfulness, when applied to myriad life situations, has a helpful outcome: it helps regulate our emotions, cultivate self-awareness, and support our mental well-being.

    The issue has never been, Does mindfulness help?—but rather what we now expect it to help with.

    And yet, as mindfulness has grown more popular, so too have our expectations of it. In some cases, the word “mindful” has become a linguistic indicator for wellness all by itself. 

    The issue has never been, Does mindfulness help?—but rather what we now expect it to help with.

    Labels Come with a Price

    Part of mindfulness’s appeal is that it offers something many of us desperately need: a way to meet our lives with more balance, greater awareness, and less reactivity. 

    But as more people have recognized this desperate need, and perhaps tried more than a few things that haven’t worked to meet it, mindfulness has begun carrying responsibilities far beyond its original scope. 

    We want the feeling of relief more than the skill of being with discomfort that might not have any easy answers. 

    In some instances, expectations around mindfulness can morph into what some contemplative teachers might describe as a form of spiritual bypassing, where, more often than not, people look to the practice itself to be the solution instead of being part of a much larger process that involves our participation. In other words, we want the feeling of relief more than the skill of being with discomfort that might not have any easy answers. 

    Marketing has played a large part in helping so many of us become more aware of mindfulness, but to what end? We may attend more mindfulness workshops or participate in corporate mindfulness retreats, but I think we should consider whether we’re asking mindfulness to carry the weight of responsibilities that fall outside of the practice. 

    Mindfulness was never meant to fix the “full catastrophe” of living, but rather to give us the tools to meet ourselves where we are.

    Confusing the Path for the Destination

    The wellness trap begins when we mistake any one practice or form of healing for the solution itself. Mindfulness was never meant to fix the “full catastrophe” of living, but rather to give us the tools to meet ourselves where we are.

    Yes, mindfulness practice can help improve things like attention, focus, communication—which can have the effect of making work places better and more efficient. But when did mindfulness become responsible for making workplaces healthier? Or more productive? When did it become responsible for helping us have better leaders or helping us address burnout? None of these are inherently bad uses of mindfulness, of course; but when we attribute the success or failure of such endeavors to a practice like mindfulness, we fail to see the process accurately. 

    Mindfulness is a tool for cultivation, not the solution itself. Put another way: mindfulness is one way of relating to experience of any kind. This, however, is very different from being a solution for eliminating the experiences we don’t want.

    Coming Back to the Foundation

    So, what does mindfulness really offer? And why do we keep expecting mindfulness to “fix” whatever feels out of alignment in our lives? 

    Jon Kabat-Zinn has repeatedly emphasized that mindfulness is not simply a technique but “a way of being in wise relationship to experience as you find it.” That distinction matters. 

    Jon Kabat-Zinn has repeatedly emphasized that mindfulness is not simply a technique but “a way of being in wise relationship to experience as you find it.” That distinction matters. 

    Most of us avoid unpleasant emotions, conversations, and uncertainty whenever we can. This is a deeply human tendency. We fall into the Wellness Trap when we start looking for something or someone to make that unpleasant feeling go away for us. We “outsource” our agency when we assign those unwanted experiences to be dealt with by our meditation app, retreat, self-help book, or supplement. 

    We live in a time where so many offers for relief are available to us. Our trap isn’t what to use; it is expecting whatever we engage with (however it comes) to do the work that belongs to each of us. 

    When we mistake a practice as a “cure-all,” we are effectively giving away our agency to be part of the solution to what ails us. 

    Buddhist teachings make the argument that while we cannot prevent pain and suffering, we do have some influence over our circumstances. What this means for most of us, as Kabat-Zinn suggests, is that life is the catastrophe: joy, fear, illness, love, uncertainty, all of it. 

    Mindfulness invites us to learn how to live with those experiences. The goal is to help us be present with our discomfort instead of avoiding it altogether. 

    Cultivating a mindfulness practice is not a substitute for healthcare, community, rest, boundaries, meaningful work, or structural change.

    The wellness trap emerges when mindfulness is expected to carry more than it was ever designed to hold. Cultivating a mindfulness practice is not a substitute for healthcare, community, rest, boundaries, meaningful work, or structural change. It shines a light on things that we need to see more clearly, helps us understand where limits are and why they look the way they do. 

    And hopefully, it helps us each see that our issues (as we identify them in each of our lives) are less about our capacity to endure and more about the causes and conditions of our circumstances than anything else. Perhaps most importantly, mindfulness can help us discern the difference between what needs our compassionate acceptance and what needs our compassionate acceptance combined with thoughtful action.



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  • 6 Ways to Enjoy Mindful Walking

    6 Ways to Enjoy Mindful Walking

    Whatever the season, spending time in nature happily coincides with one of my favorite mindfulness practices: outdoor walking meditation, or mindful walking. Focusing while our body remains still presents a challenge for many of us, from the easily triggered to the anxious to the attention deficient, which is why contemplative movement—be it ritual dance, sport, martial arts, or something else—exists in so many cultures. In fact, mindful walking practice is often what people describe as their favorite practice after they’ve taken a mindfulness course, and the one they are most likely to continue to practice. It’s the best reminder that mindfulness does not have to be a still, solitary, indoor activity.

    Walking is a movement we do every day, and like breathing, is usually something we do without much thought. Getting outside to walk deliberately in nature can open our eyes, offering new perspectives different from those we encounter indoors or inside our digital devices. Author Richard Louv, among others, writes about “nature-deficit disorder” and how it affects our physical and emotional well-being, suggesting even just a little exposure to green spaces boosts happiness and attention.  The Japanese practice of “forest bathing,” with its research-backed benefits to the mind and body, has been trending around the world. Trends aside, many of us have experienced the power of nature, be it mountains or beaches, forests or gardens, to soothe our most turbulent emotions. The natural world is full of lessons to be learned and metaphors to be explored. 

    Getting outside to walk deliberately in nature can open our eyes, offering new perspectives different from those we encounter indoors or inside our digital devices.

    Integrating mindfulness into movement has the added benefit of combining mental exercise with physical exercise. Studies abound showing that light walking for 20 minutes can help mild depression, anxiety, and attention, not to mention our physical wellness. Getting outside and taking care of our mental health is always important, especially if we’re having a stressful day. 

    With that in mind, here are six ways to get the most out of your next walk.

    How to Get Started with Mindful Walking Outdoors

    1. Basic Mindful Walking Meditation 

    A basic mindful walking meditation is pretty simple. All you need to do is notice yourself walking as you walk, making your body sensations the anchor of the meditation. To break out of the autopilot we are often in, you might ask yourself, “How do I know I am walking?” and then check in with your senses.

    It also may help to bring awareness to certain aspects of walking. For example, you can bring mindfulness to your body as you notice the sensation of your feet on the ground or the movement of your muscles, especially as you encounter different surfaces beneath you. Notice not just what your legs are doing, but also your arms, torsos, spine, and head as you walk. You might be able to detect subtle shifts in your pulse, body temperature, or breathing rate before, during, and after you begin moving. You can also focus on the gentle rocking motion of your weight shifting. 

    Sometimes in sitting practice we use our breath as our anchor and focus on the point between the in-breath and the out-breath, where there is a moment of stillness. Likewise, in mindful walking practice, we can notice the points of stillness where the right step becomes the left step and the left step becomes the right step. 

    2. Adding Words or Phrases

    One simple way to focus your attention is to bring words or phrases to your steps. For one, you can count in rhythm with your steps. Whenever your mind wanders off and you lose count, simply notice where your mind has wandered, and return the count to one again. The key is to do this without judging yourself, and your wandering mind. 

    It may also help to have something to say along with the movements. You can, for example, say thank you and send gratitude or compassion to your feet and body as you move—a practice from Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff’s program Mindful Self-Compassion. Or, you can quietly or internally repeat reminder phrases to yourself. 

    You might enjoy repeating the following phrases, suggested by mindfulness teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, with each step: 

    I have arrived, I am home, in the here, in the now. 

    I also heard some other wonderful phrases once from a friend, saying for each footstep:

    Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. No one to be. 

    Experiment with any or all of these on your next walk, or come up with your own phrases that resonate for you next time you are out. 

    3. Sensory Walking  

    This adaptation for the mindful walking meditation is simple, and just involves really tuning into our five senses as we move through space. As we get into the moment with our senses, we can really savor the precious moments we do have to be outside and moving, and all that is around us. Our senses keep us grounded in the moment while our thoughts drift to the past or future.

    • First, walk while keeping your eyes still and watching the view change as shapes and objects shift in and out of your line of vision. 
    • Next, focus just on the soles of your feet, aware of different sensations there as the surface changes. 
    • Then, focus on sounds. Those of your own footsteps, as well as the changing sounds in the world around you as you move. 
    • Lastly, focus on smells and tastes in the air, and how they change depending on where you are. 

    4. Body Awareness Walking

    Another practice I’ve been playing with recently is walking as I focus my awareness on parts of the body, almost like a body scan in motion.

    • As you walk, begin by just resting your awareness in your feet, bringing attention to the soles of your feet.
    • After about twenty steps, or maybe one block or 5 minutes, shift your awareness to your ankles and calves.
    • After a few minutes of your attention there, just rest attention on the bending of your knees.
    • Then focus your awareness on the sensations and movement of your hips.
    • After some time focused on your hips, shift awareness to your hands and arms, falling naturally or swinging at your sides.
    • You might then shift to awareness of sensations in your torso, including inside your body with your heart and lungs, maybe seeing if they’ve changed.
    • After a few moments of attention in your torso, turn your attention to your neck and shoulders.
    • Lastly, notice your head, as it shifts and moves slightly up and down with each footstep.

    Continue to scan your body as you walk, noting how sensations change over the course of your walk. 

    5. Appreciative Walking 

    Bringing attention to the beauty of our surroundings is another way to bring deliberate awareness to mindful walking, and to actually shift our perception of the world out of the “negativity bias” or inherent pessimism wired into us, toward the positive and beautiful. Various experiments have found that focusing on the beauty around us as we walk tends to have a lasting effect on our mood long after we rest, similar to the way other gratitude and appreciation practices work. 

    This research is the inspiration for another mindful walking practice: to simply notice the beauty in the world around us as we walk. It may be a tree beginning to blossom, a particularly beautiful shaft of light, a house or car painted a favorite color. On your walk, make a regular practice of noticing one positive thing—something beautiful, something funny, or perhaps even an act of kindness—along the way. Note these to yourself in a journal or share them with family when you return, or share with others online. 

    You might also, if you take the same route each day, choose to focus on the changes that you encounter. Notice each day as the seasons gradually change, how the sights, sensations and even smells and sounds also change. What’s one new thing that you find, each day on your walk? How about at different times of day, or weekends compared to weekdays?

    6. Observational Walking

    You can also bring awareness to your own emotional experience of walking. Notice your emotional reactions to everything (and everyone) around you, especially as people and things get close to your personal space. This might bring up small feelings of self-consciousness as you pass others, or a slight pleasure when you step into sunshine, followed by a slight dread as a small hill approaches.

    The inverse way to explore our emotions is by noticing how our emotions affect our walking and observations, and vice versa. How does your emotional state change your movement, what you see, or how you respond, depending on whether you are happy or sad, calm or anxious, frustrated or relaxed?

    You can even do this on purpose: Change gears and try walking like you are fearful or anxious. Then walk as if loaded down by shame, or as if you are distracted. Try walking confidently after that, and then shifting back into your own rhythm and gait, if you can still find it. Reflect on all of these, noticing where on the spectrum of moods and emotions your regular pace of walking takes you.

    You might notice that how you walked affected how you perceived the environment around you. When you walked with sadness, for example, you likely saw less as your eyes were downcast. Or perhaps you noticed that when you walked with confidence, you actually felt more confident, which you probably did if you know about the research of Amy Cuddy and the science of “power poses”

    Through mindful walking, we can take time to deepen our intimacy with our homes and neighborhoods. Mindfulness is about the here and now, and the state of the world presents a great opportunity to explore and appreciate the outdoors as social distancing continues. Plus, getting outside presents an opportunity to care for our mental health and perspective. If you need a few more ways to bring more awareness to your route, I hope I’ve offered you a few for the coming months. 

    Happy walking!



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  • Reprogramming The Panic: Choosing Conscious Response Over Avoidance

    Reprogramming The Panic: Choosing Conscious Response Over Avoidance

    Our nervous systems are made to keep us safe from danger—but what happens when they’re responding to threats that no longer exist? Writer Catherine Swett explores how we can meet these disruptive moments with sovereignty over avoidance, and over time teach our nervous system how to respond to discomfort and anxious moments.

    The Trap of Avoidance

    People often say, “I have anxiety. I cannot do crowds.” For a long time, I believed that was my whole story. But looking back, it was not just anxiety. It was avoidance. Every time I avoided, I quietly reinforced the fear.

    Anxiety is not a monster outside of me. It is my body and brain sounding alarms. The problem is the software is outdated. It is coded from times when my body truly could not escape real threats.

    Anxiety is not a monster outside of me. It is my body and brain sounding alarms. Heart racing, tunnel vision, fight or flight, doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect me from danger. The problem is the software is outdated. It is coded from times when my body truly could not escape real threats.

    Reprogramming in Real Time

    Of course, this does not mean every internal alarm is false. Sometimes our bodies are alerting us to genuine danger, and those protective instincts deserve our attention. The real work is learning to discern when to trust the alarm and when to question it.

    When I walk into a crowd—a situation that might feel overwhelming, but that is actually not dangerous for me—and I feel panic rise, I have two choices. I can avoid it and confirm the fear, or I can walk through it and teach my body something new. I choose the latter. Each time I navigate what my nervous system warns is unsafe, I show it that I am safe.

    This is not “just anxiety.” It is real-time nervous system reprogramming. I had to walk through crowds until I proved to my system that I was no longer its prisoner.

    There is a line most people are never taught to notice. Avoidance often comes from fear, the kind where you spend your life running and the thing you fear keeps chasing you.

    Recognizing the Line Between Fear and Choice

    There is a line most people are never taught to notice. Avoidance often comes from fear, the kind where you spend your life running and the thing you fear keeps chasing you. That eventually catches up.

    But there is another place. A place where you understand yourself. You recognize the environments, dynamics, and stimuli that activate your nervous system in unsafe ways. And you also know this: if you need to walk through it, you can. You are capable. You are conscious. You are not trapped.

    You do not need to constantly expose yourself to triggers to prove resilience.

    The difference is that you do not need to constantly expose yourself to triggers to prove resilience. Once you face the root of what makes something destabilizing, you gain the ability to choose if and when that exposure belongs in your life. That is not avoidance. That is conscious choice.

    Lessons from Monks: Discipline, Not Detachment

    I have thought about this in the context of monks. I used to assume they were peaceful because they were detached, above it all. That was ignorance. Monks feel, think, and experience frustration, desire, and disturbance, just like anyone else.

    Healing is not about becoming untriggerable. It is not about enduring everything life throws at you. It is about understanding yourself deeply enough to respond consciously.

    The difference is what they choose to subject themselves to. They do not abstain out of fear. They abstain with discipline, because they understand their minds. Peace is not passive. It is actively protected. That protection requires internal work, not constant exposure.

    Healing is Sovereignty

    Healing is not about becoming untriggerable. It is not about enduring everything life throws at you. It is about understanding yourself deeply enough to respond consciously. Thoughts rise. Reactions flare. Old patterns knock, and that is okay.

    A life of avoidance with no self-work is fear in disguise.

    A life of avoidance with no self-work is fear in disguise. A life of conscious choice, rooted in understanding, is sovereignty. By locating your perception, observing your nervous system, and noticing patterns in real time, you gain the ability to respond instead of react.

    Growth Looks Like This

    We know that healing is not linear. There will be ups and downs, and that’s normal. But in general, here are grounding statements that reflect the growth process:

    • I do not rush to correct my feelings
    • I delay decisions until my nervous system settles
    • I let context and awareness arrive before action

    By treating perception and reactivity as interfaces, not flaws, urgency becomes information instead of command.

    By treating perception and reactivity as interfaces, not flaws, urgency becomes information instead of command. Intensity becomes data instead of danger. Insight alone does not stop the spiral, but noticing the system in motion gives me room to respond instead of react.

    By seeing perception this way, I can engage with reality as it is. I can separate the present from the echoes of the past and act with awareness instead of just reacting.



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  • Play, SoulPancake, and Building Your Anti-Depressant Brain

    Play, SoulPancake, and Building Your Anti-Depressant Brain

    When it comes to happiness, says Elisha Goldstein, there’s a simple but important tool we often forget about: play. 

    For years now, I’ve been studying what helps create more resilience and happiness within us. I’ve looked at my own life, the life of my clients and students, and the psychological and neuroscience research. What I’ve found is that within each and every one of us are a core set of natural anti-depressants. When we intentionally tap into these resources, it shifts our brain activity in ways that can lend itself to shaping an anti-depressant brain. One of the natural anti-depressants that I’ve come to find that helps break a bad mood and create positive neural activity is Play!

    In Uncovering Happiness: Overcoming Depression with Mindfulness and Self-Compassion I describe play as “a flexible state of mind in which you are presently engaged in some freely chosen and potentially purposeless activity that you find interesting, enjoyable, and satisfying.”

    Here’s a great video that shows adults playing and the results. Take a look and see what you notice.

    When adults were put in an enriched environment where the cues elicited play, they became more engaged, open, and most seemed to be genuinely enjoying themselves.

    Research from Marion Diamond out of UC Berkeley shows that rats who had a more enriched environment with toys and playmates showed growth in their cerebral cortex. This is the part of the brain that’s involved with cognitive processing and those rats actually ran mazes quicker than others who had less enriched environments. This type of research has been repeated over and over again with similar results. (Note: Rats that had a depleting environment absent of toys and playmates showed a reduction in the thickness of their cerebral cortex).

    The reality is engaging play reduces stress, promotes creativity, productivity, openness, and revitalizes our sense of aliveness. It is literally a natural anti-depressant.

    The question for us is how can we create more enriching environments?

    One answer lies in understanding how our brain responds to cues. Most of the time our brain is automatically making decisions beneath our consciousness and the cues in our environments are influencing those decisions. If we’re often alone and there’s a lack or nourishing things and people in our environment it’s more likely to lead to depression and anxiety. On the other hand, if our environments are more engaging and we have access to more playmates it creates more resiliency. So we have to consider: Do the environments we currently live in, at home and at work, elicit cues of play?

    If so, it’s a good practice to be conscious of those cues. If not, how can you create more cues in your environment that elicit a more playful neural response?

    Encourage play at home and at work

    Many companies are starting to create more enriching environments because the research is clear that it leads to happier, less stressed, more loyal and productive employees. If your workplace doesn’t you can take it into your own hands, create a joke board, or take mini-breaks where you intentionally watch a short video like the one above or hang out with nourishing people as a source of connection.

    At home you can consider what play means to you? This is usually something that you have been thinking of doing that your mind said was unimportant. Maybe you want to pick up the camera more, reconnect with old friends, read a pleasurable book, or take a 2-hour date with yourself weekly and do something out of your routine that feeds you. That’s how I got started.

    In our culture we see this as a luxury because we prize working over playing and our minds often say that “playing is unproductive.” This is one the biggest lies our brain tells us. The research is clear, those that integrate play into their lives are more likely to run the mazes faster and more efficiently.

    There are other tricks to uncovering a more playful life and even to finding playmates, but the first step is looking to your cues and starting to create more enriching playful environments. Then we need to actively create this for ourselves even in the face of the voices in our heads that say “I don’t deserve it” or “There are more important things to do.” In Uncovering Happiness, I call these “Negative Unconscious Thoughts” or NUTs as we often feel nuts when they’re around.

    The message here is:

    Being mindful of play and engaging it in your life can act as a natural anti-depressant, creating positive neural shifts that when practiced and repeated can contribute to an anti-depressant brain.

    Take a moment and share, what does play mean to you? How do you bring it into your life? Your interaction creates a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.

    Adapted from Mindfulness & Psychotherapy 



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  • When the Therapy Room Becomes Another Closed Door: Why Traditional Western Mental Health Care Fails Survivors of Torture and State Violence 

    When the Therapy Room Becomes Another Closed Door: Why Traditional Western Mental Health Care Fails Survivors of Torture and State Violence 

    A woman sits in a therapist’s office in a Western city. She fled her country after surviving months of detention, interrogation, and torture at the hands of a government that wanted to silence her. She made it out. She is, by every external measure, safe now. 

    The therapist is kind. Educated. Well-meaning. They ask her to rate her anxiety on a scale of one to ten. They suggest breathing exercises. They offer a worksheet on cognitive distortions. 

    She never comes back. 

    Each time, I feel the same quiet grief—not for the therapist’s failure of compassion, but for the field’s failure of imagination. 

    I have heard this story, in different forms, with different detail, more times than I can count. And each time, I feel the same quiet grief—not for the therapist’s failure of compassion, but for the field’s failure of imagination. 

    Traditional Western therapy was not designed for her. And until we are honest about that, we will keep losing people who have already survived the unsurvivable, not to their trauma, but to our inadequacy. 

    Examining Our Assumptions About Safety & Healing

    Western psychotherapy and mental health care rests on a set of foundational assumptions so embedded in the model that most practitioners never think to question them. 

    Western psychotherapy rests on a set of foundational assumptions so embedded in the model that most practitioners never think to question them.

    It assumes that healing is an internal process, something that happens inside one person, in a private room, between two people who meet weekly for fifty minutes. It assumes language is the primary vehicle for processing trauma. There is an understanding that emotions can and should be named, examined, and reframed. In this framework, safety is a feeling, one that can be cultivated through technique. 

    For survivors of torture and state violence, almost every one of these assumptions fails. 

    When a person has been systematically targeted by a government, imprisoned, interrogated, beaten, humiliated, sexually assaulted, subjected to mock execution, and stripped of their humanity, the wound is not primarily psychological in the Western sense. It reaches deeper than that. 

    The perpetrator was not an individual. It was a system, one that in many cases is still in power, still persecuting those left behind, still present in the world that survivors now have to live in and explain themselves within. 

    When Betrayal Revisits In a Place That Was Supposed to Be Safe

    For most survivors of state violence, the deepest wound is the destruction of trust—in institutions, in strangers, and in the world’s basic safety. That wound begins in their home countries, where the very governments meant to protect them become the source of persecution, imprisonment, torture, and terror. But for some survivors, the trauma does not end when they escape.

    I have worked with individuals who survived the Islamic Republic of Iran, the Taliban, and other repressive regimes, believing that if they could just reach the United States, they would finally be safe. They believed they had made it to a country built on democracy, due process, and human rights—a place where the rules would finally be different.

    Instead, some found themselves behind another locked door.

    For survivors who have already endured torture, the greatest injury is often not simply being harmed again—it is realizing that the place they believed would protect them became another source of fear.

    Survivors have described being held in detention under conditions they experienced as profoundly traumatizing. Several reported physical abuse, psychological abuse, prolonged isolation, humiliation, threats, and treatment that echoed the very tactics they had fled.

    What made this experience uniquely devastating was not only the suffering itself, but the betrayal. They expected cruelty from authoritarian regimes. They never expected to experience abuse in the country they believed represented freedom, justice, and the rule of law.

    Many have asked me, “If this can happen here, then where is safe?”

    For survivors who have already endured torture, the greatest injury is often not simply being harmed again—it is realizing that the place they believed would protect them became another source of fear. That second betrayal can fracture whatever fragile trust remained, leaving them feeling that nowhere in the world is truly safe.

    Offering An Anchor in Mental Health Care that Holds

    When someone survives torture by a government, they don’t just feel anxious or depressed. They lose their fundamental sense that the world is safe, that they matter, that life has meaning, that justice is real. They have been told, implicitly and explicitly, by their governments, their communities, and sometimes even their own minds, that their suffering did not matter. It shatters the ground a person stands on. No breathing exercise addresses that reality. No cognitive reframe touches it. 

    For this reason, I place greater emphasis on rebuilding trust, restoring agency, bearing witness, and creating relational safety before introducing any technique that requires sustained inward attention.

    I recognize that trauma-sensitive mindfulness has been helpful for some survivors. However, in my own clinical work with survivors of torture and state violence, I generally do not use mindfulness-based interventions that ask clients to focus inward on their bodies or remain in prolonged silence.

    People who have survived the unsurvivable are not waiting to be saved. They are waiting to be believed.

    Here’s why: Many of the people I work with learned that paying attention to their bodies meant anticipating pain. Their bodies are not experienced as places of safety, but as places where unimaginable violence occurred. Directing attention inward can evoke flashbacks, panic, dissociation, or overwhelming physiological arousal. Likewise, prolonged silence and stillness may closely resemble solitary confinement, detention, or interrogation, making these practices feel threatening rather than regulating.

    For many survivors, healing begins not with looking inward, but with discovering that another human being can remain present without causing harm.

    People who have survived the unsurvivable are not waiting to be saved. They are waiting to be believed, to have someone sit with them in their reality—not to fix it, not to reframe it, not to rush them toward resilience, but to say, simply and firmly: What happened to you was real. I believe you. And there is still a future that belongs to you. 

    Through my work with former political prisoners and survivors of torture, I had to unlearn many of the protocols and tools I was trained in. When we ask survivors to sit still, to maintain eye contact, to articulate what they are feeling in precise language, we are often asking them to do things that their bodies experience as threat. The clinical setting itself—enclosed, formal, power-imbalanced—can unconsciously mirror the very environments in which they were harmed. 

    Often the very vocabulary of Western mental health care—PTSD, trauma, triggers, self-care—often does not translate. Not just linguistically, but conceptually. Many of my clients do not identify as traumatized. They identify as survivors, as resisters, as people who did what they had to do. 

    In Western therapy, language is everything. Talk therapy is built on the premise that speaking about suffering is healing. But for many survivors I work with—Iranians, Afghans, people from communities with no cultural tradition of discussing psychological pain with a stranger—language is already a site of violence. They were interrogated. Their words were used against them. They learned, in the most brutal way possible, that speaking carries risk. And then we ask them to come into a room and speak.

    Beyond this, the very vocabulary of Western mental health care—like PTSD, trauma, triggers, self-care—often does not translate. Not just linguistically, but conceptually. Many of my clients do not identify as traumatized. They identify as survivors, as resisters, as people who did what they had to do. Pathologizing their experience, organizing it around a diagnosis, can feel like another form of erasure, another institution telling them who they are. 

    Perhaps the most undervalued skill in this work is simply the capacity to hear what happened and not look away.

    So What Does Actually Work? 

    For most survivors of state violence, the deepest wound is the destruction of trust—in institutions, in strangers, in the world’s basic safety. Healing begins not in a therapy room but in the slow, careful rebuilding of community: peer support, cultural spaces, shared ritual, the experience of being among people who won’t inflict pain, and where trust can start to be rebuilt. 

    Every culture has its own frameworks for understanding suffering and restoration. For my Iranian clients, poetry, Hafez, Rumi, the great Persian literary tradition, carries healing power that no DSM category can touch. For my Afghan clients, community prayer, collective mourning, the presence of elder women—these are not supplementary to treatment. They are treatment. Our role as practitioners is to make room for them, not to replace them. 

    Sustained, unflinching witness is profoundly healing, because it is the precise opposite of what the perpetrators wanted. They wanted silence. They wanted the world to look away. When we do not, we become part of the survivor’s resistance. 

    Perhaps the most undervalued skill in mental health care work is simply the capacity to hear what happened and not look away. Not to analyze or reframe. Not to move too quickly toward hope. To stay in the truth of what is being shared. This act of sustained, unflinching witness is profoundly healing, because it is the precise opposite of what the perpetrators wanted. They wanted silence. They wanted the world to look away. When we do not, we become part of the survivor’s resistance. 

    The mental health field is not malicious. Most practitioners who fall short with this population do so because they were never taught otherwise. Our training programs, our diagnostic frameworks—they were built for a different kind of suffering, in a different kind of world.



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  • A 12 Minute Meditation to Unhook from Negativity and Savor Joy

    A 12 Minute Meditation to Unhook from Negativity and Savor Joy

    Perhaps it seems strange to be investigating what we consider to be a positive emotion, but I think we often miss joy. We don’t actually pay a lot of attention to it; we can often let it slip by without much notice. The good news is, there are practices to cultivate it. And these practices can help us attend to and support joy in our felt experience. It’s actually a pretty important emotion.

    Joy aids us in waking up to our lives. And it’s a factor in supporting concentration. So if you’re someone who feels distracted much of the time, have difficulty focusing or paying attention, cultivating and attending to joy is a great way to deepen your concentration.

    First, let’s explore what joy is. For me, it can be pleasurable to experience, but it’s essentially different from pleasure. I experience joy as a really internal occurrence. It can be sparked by something external, but it’s also something I can very much cultivate internally. One of the great ways to do that is to consider the things in my life that I’m grateful for. Another way is to savor—really stop and savor—what’s beautiful and good and working in my life.

    This is a profoundly important ability because as humans we operate with a negativity bias. In and of itself, that bias makes a lot of sense: we tend to focus our minds on what is wrong or threatening or what could harm us so that we might be better protected through the vagaries of life. But if we allow that negativity bias to run rampant, we risk missing out on what’s beautiful and joyful and nourishing in our lives. Not to mention, we grow less and less equipped to actually cultivate such beauty and joy and nourishment ourselves. So training ourselves to receive and enjoy what’s good is no frivolous pursuit. Learning to savor joyful moments helps us unhook from negativity and open to new possibility.

    So let’s practice. And again, as we’ve done with all of our practices with emotions, we’ll mostly attend to the physical sensations of joy. And maybe we’ll see it grow as we pay attention to it. While we’re at it, we’ll also try to notice how focusing on joy can help strengthen our concentration. The great thing is, if you give the mind something pleasant and joyful to pay attention to, it will want to go there. Maybe you’ll decide to begin each mindfulness practice with joy cultivation. (Talk about a great motivator for sitting down for a few minutes). You may also want to employ this approach in your everyday life.

    A 12 Minute Meditation to Unhook from Negativity and Savor Joy

    Watch the video:

    Listen to the practice:

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. Let’s take our seat wherever we happen to be. As always, you’re welcome to lie down if you’re in a place where you can do that. Let’s take a few deeper breaths. Just settle in here: lengthen your inhale and your exhale. During these opening breaths, simply scan your mind and body and notice how you’re feeling. Let’s use the breath to bring some balance in this moment. If you’re feeling tired or drowsy, just take in a little bit more air, emphasize the inhale. If you’re feeling agitated or restless, emphasize the exhale—really extend it. And then allow your breath to come to its natural rhythm. Feel your contact with the chair, your feet on the ground. Find that support and contact with the earth.

    2. Now let’s bring to mind some recent joyful moments from our lives. Alternatively, you could reflect on some of the things you’re grateful for in your life. What’s working these days? You’re alive, so something must be working … Maybe it’s simply that you found this 30-day challenge and you’ve done some practices—you’ve found the time to take care of yourself in this way. Or maybe you’ve been seeing some benefits in your life. Perhaps there’s a relationship you’re enjoying; you’re feeling loved and connected. This could be with a person, or it could be that you have a puppy or a cat in your life. Or maybe you’ve been to a place that’s stirred joy in you: some place in nature, perhaps near a lake, surrounded by trees, a spot where you could gaze upon a vista you love. Choose one or a few moments to focus on and really get the joy going. What brings you joy? Maybe it’s recalling movement such as dancing or swimming or another physical activity that stirs joy for you. Perhaps it’s travel, a recent trip. Or maybe it’s learning something new.

    3. Really reflect on receiving the joy of these experiences. Bring your attention into your body. Notice how you experience joy in this moment. Where do you feel it in your body? The chest, the belly, the throat, the face? What do you notice? Is there a temperature to the joy? Is there a flow or movement to the energy of joy in your body? How big is it? As you pay attention to it, can you kind of relax your attention into the joy? Breathe into it. And if there’s a sense that this energy of joy wants to grow, let it. Maybe it expands to other parts of your body—all the way out to your fingertips and your toes. Just notice: is it tingling, vibrating, flowing?

    4. If at any point you lose that felt sense of connection, just recall again the images, people, situations that bring you joy. Then return to feeling into and savouring and maybe even expanding that felt sense and felt energy of joy in your body. Breathe into it.

    5. As we close out this short practice, let’s take a moment to reflect on and notice the people, places, situations that bring us joy. What were the things that really inspired a felt, energetic sense of joy for you? Maybe they surprised you. Maybe they’re things that you don’t do that often. But you could. You could bring more of that into your life. So, how could you do that?

    6. Before we finish, let’s make a simple commitment to do one of those things that brings us joy. Let’s commit to bringing in more of that joy-inducing activity or more of that connection or more time with the people in our lives that bring us joy.

    7. When you’re ready, open your eyes if they were closed. Take a deep breath. Are you orienting yourself to the space around you? Notice how you feel right now.

    As you go back into your day, I invite you to pay more attention to what’s joyful in your life. Then, commit to drawing more of that in, and to cultivating it further.

    About The Author



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  • A Meditation to Rest Your Attention

    A Meditation to Rest Your Attention

    We live in a noisy world that’s constantly vying for our attention. But as teacher Sharon Salzberg reminds us, our attention is at its most potent when we’re able to rest and restore it.

    When we talk about attention, we often use active and extractive verbs: pay, give, court, leverage. In mindfulness, attention isn’t a commodity to be used; it’s a gift to be nurtured. What might it feel like to rest our attention? 

    This week, teacher Sharon Salzberg offers a guided meditation that’s down-to-earth and deeply restorative as we practice holding our awareness with the lightest touch possible

    A Meditation to Rest Your Attention

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1.  In this meditation, you can sit comfortably or lie down. Close your eyes, or if you’re keeping them open, just find a spot in front of you to rest your gaze. 
    2. Center your attention on the feeling of the in and out breath, at the nostrils, at the chest, or at the abdomen. Just the normal, natural breath. 
    3. When I become silent, that’s the signal for you to put into practice what I’ve just suggested. 
    4. As you feel the sensations of the breath, you can make a very quiet mental notation of breath. With the in breath, and then again with the out breath. Maybe it’s once or maybe it’s twice that you silently repeat the word breath as you breathe in, breath as you breathe out. 
    5. Think breath when a thought or a feeling arises that’s strong enough to take your attention away from the breath. Simply note it silently as not breath: It’s not the breath and you can recognize it in just that way. So we have breath and we have not breath. 
    6. It’s important to understand that it doesn’t matter if it’s the most beautiful thought in the world or the most terrible thought in the world. It’s simply not the breath. You don’t have to judge yourself. You don’t have to get lost in a thought or elaborate it. You recognize it’s simply not the breath Very gently let go and bring your attention back to the feeling of the breath. 
    7. Some of your thoughts or feelings may be tender, caring. Some might seem cruel or hurtful, but they’re not the breath. You can see them, recognize them, let them go, and bring our attention back to the feeling of the breath. These thoughts and feelings are like clouds moving through the sky. Some are very light and fluffy looking, very inviting. Some are quite ominous and threatening, but they’re all not the breath. We just let them go. 
    8. Our habitual tendency is to grab onto a thought or a feeling, to build an entire world around it or push it away, struggle against it. Here we stay even, balanced, calm. We simply recognize it’s not the breath. Very gently we let it go. We bring our attention back one breath at a time 
    9. When you feel ready, you can open your eyes or lift your gaze, and we’ll end the meditation.



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  • Walking Grief Home: Six Companions for Living With Loss

    Walking Grief Home: Six Companions for Living With Loss

    When someone we love dies, the world doesn’t end, but it does lose its shape. The familiar becomes strange. Time stretches and collapses. Movements feel halting, as if the body has forgotten how to belong to itself. In these early days, when the heart feels unmoored and the ground unreliable, we long for something steady enough to walk beside us—not to fix the unfixable, but to accompany us as we learn to live inside a world that has changed.

    After decades as a clinical psychologist and later as a bereavement volunteer, I’ve come to understand grief not as a problem to solve but as a relationship to tend. Mindfulness offers a way to do that. It helps us meet life moment by moment without abandoning ourselves, and it cultivates qualities that soften our experience of whatever is here.

    Mindfulness, in its deepest sense, is not about calm. It is about capacity.

    Mindfulness, in its deepest sense, is not about calm. It is about capacity—the capacity to stay close to what is true, even when what is true is painful. It does not guide us toward “getting over” grief. Instead, it teaches us how to walk with grief. And as we walk, six companions begin to emerge as lived experiences shaping how we meet our loss.

    These companions—Presence, Grace, Memory, Becoming, Belonging, and Trust—form a relational model of healing. They do not arrive in order. They circle, overlap, and return. Together, they help us stay close to ourselves as we navigate a world reshaped by loss.

    Presence: Allowing What Is

    Presence is not passive. It is a wholehearted “yes” to the reality of the moment, even when that reality is painful. Presence asks only one thing of us: to allow what is here to be here.

    Grief is not a single emotion but a gathering of states—sorrow, anger, confusion, numbness, longing, exhaustion. Presence invites each one to be recognized.

    Grief is not a single emotion but a gathering of states—sorrow, anger, confusion, numbness, longing, exhaustion. Presence invites each one to be recognized. This is simple to understand but difficult to practice. Most of us try to manage grief the way we manage everything else: by tightening, organizing, or trying to stay in control. But grief is not something the mind can manage. It is a visitation—an unmistakable presence that arrives with its own timing.

    The first gesture of presence is permission. Permission to feel everything—not because it will fix anything, but because it is honest. To feel everything can leave us feeling lost, but as E.L. Doctorow wrote, “It’s like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” Presence accompanies us, breath by breath, until we begin to regain our footing.

    Grace: Life’s Quiet Movement Toward Us

    If presence is how we meet life, grace is how life meets us back. Grace is not dramatic. It is the easing that comes when we stop bracing against what is true.

    We do not manufacture grace; we receive it.

    We do not manufacture grace; we receive it. It often appears in small, almost imperceptible ways: a friend’s steady companionship, a loosening of the chest, a stranger’s kindness, the relief of a deep exhale.

    These moments do not erase the pain, but they remind us that we are not entirely alone within it. Grace opens a small space inside the ache. Over time, it helps us weave the loss into the fabric of our lives—not as something to overcome, but as something that deepens us, widens us, and makes us more tender.

    Memory: The Waves That Carry Love Forward

    Grief moves in waves—not the predictable rhythms of tides but the wild, irregular surges of the ocean in winter. A scent, a song, a phrase, a slant of evening light can break over us with startling force. These waves are not mistakes or punishments. They are the movements of love trying to find its way in a world that has changed shape.

    Love does not end when a life ends, but it does change form.

    Memory is also a doorway into the continuing bond that remains. Love does not end when a life ends, but it does change form. As presence steadies us and grace softens us, memories begin to shift. What once shattered us may eventually bring warmth when the heart remembers not only the pain of loss but the depth of love that made the loss so devastating.

    We begin to speak to our loved ones in quiet moments, carry their gestures, and seek their wisdom. Memory becomes a companion, not an adversary, as we learn to carry the bittersweetness of a life that has loved deeply and lost profoundly.

    Becoming: Letting the Loss Shape Who We Are

    At some point—often so subtly we don’t notice it—something inside begins to shift. Not because the sorrow has lessened, but because the heart has begun to make room for the loss. This is the arising of Becoming, the slow integration of grief into our sense of self.

    Becoming does not ask us to forget; it asks us to remember differently.

    Becoming does not ask us to forget; it asks us to remember differently. To remember in a way that honors love as well as loss. Becoming is not a stage, nor does it unfold in a straight line. There will be days when the heart feels spacious and days when the ache returns with full force. Becoming honors both clarity and confusion. It is the work of letting the loss shape us without letting it define us.

    Becoming is not the end of grief—it is the beginning of a new relationship with our loss.

    Belonging: Finding Our Place in a Changed World

    Loss shakes our sense of belonging. The world feels unfamiliar, and we feel unfamiliar within it. Yet belonging is not lost; it is changing.

    As we adapt to this new way of being, we come to realize that belonging isn’t something others give us. Instead, it’s a consciousness that we are present—alive, supported by the earth beneath us.

    As we adapt to this new way of being, we come to realize that belonging isn’t something others give us. Instead, it’s a consciousness that we are present—alive, supported by the earth beneath us. This feeling grows from how we engage with ourselves and our surroundings. When we stop neglecting ourselves, a new sense of belonging gradually develops as the world continues to embrace us: the warmth of sunlight, the simple pleasure of a cup of tea, the scent of a forest, the welcoming signs of growing more comfortable, and the quiet resilience of standing in the shadow of mountains.

    The continuing bond with the person who has died becomes part of this belonging. Their presence lives in our choices, our gestures, our ways of seeing. We discover that we are still part of the living world, still part of a story that continues to unfold.

    Trust: The Quiet Confidence That We Can Live With This

    Grief asks us to trust what we cannot yet see. Trust grows when we begin to sense that the heart is larger than the loss. Not because the loss is small, but because the heart is vast. It can hold sorrow and love at the same time. It can hold the one who is gone and the one we are becoming.

    Trust is not the absence of pain. It is the recognition that pain is not the only thing present. Over time, trust reveals an inner sturdiness—a kind of Kintsugi of the heart, where the broken places are reconstructed and highlighted with gold.

    Trust is not the absence of pain. It is the recognition that pain is not the only thing present. Over time, trust reveals an inner sturdiness—a kind of Kintsugi of the heart, where the broken places are reconstructed and highlighted with gold. The loss becomes part of our strength, not because it stops hurting, but because it has been integrated into who we are.

    A Relational Model, Not a Linear One

    Walking grief home is not a series of stages or steps. These six companions move in all directions. Some days one leads; other days another rises first. They circle, overlap, and return, each shaping and being shaped by the others.

    Walking grief home teaches us something profound: that we can belong to our own lives again.

    Presence steadies us. Grace meets us. Memory connects us. Becoming reshapes us. Belonging roots us. Trust holds us.

    Walking grief home is not about waiting to arrive somewhere new. It is about learning to live here and now with a more spacious heart—one capable of holding the full complexity of love and loss. It teaches us something profound: that we can belong to our own lives again. Not the life we expected. Not the life we planned. But the life that is here—the life that is still unfolding, still calling to us, still offering moments of beauty, tenderness, and meaning.

    A Simple Practice for the Next Wave

    When the next wave of grief arrives, try this:

    Pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Let one breath be exactly what it is. Name what is here—sadness, longing, numbness, love. Place a hand on your heart. Say quietly, “This belongs.”

    Not because it is easy, but because it is true.



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