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Does Skipping Meals Help You Lose Weight or Slow Metabolism? What You Need to Know
Skipping meals is often seen as a quick shortcut for weight loss because it reduces daily calorie intake. In the short term, it can create a calorie deficit, which is necessary for fat loss. However, the body doesn’t simply burn fat without consequences. When you skip meals, your system responds by adjusting energy use, hunger levels, and hormone balance. This can make weight management more complicated than it appears.

While some people try to skip meals to lose weight, this habit may backfire over time. Hunger hormones can spike, leading to overeating later, while metabolism may slow down to conserve energy. Nutrition for weight loss is not just about eating less—it’s about eating smart. Sustainable fat loss requires consistency, balanced meals, and strategies that support both metabolism and overall health.

Skipping Meals Metabolic Impact Short Long Term

Skipping meals can negatively affect weight loss by triggering metabolic adaptation, where the body reduces energy expenditure to conserve calories. This means that even if you initially lose weight, your metabolism may slow down, making further fat loss more difficult. According to Banner Health, skipping meals can lead to reduced energy levels and a slower metabolism, which may counteract weight loss efforts over time.

Another key issue is the disruption of hunger hormones, which directly affects fat loss and eating behavior. When you skip meals, ghrelin levels increase, making you feel hungrier, while leptin decreases, reducing satiety. This imbalance often leads to overeating later in the day, canceling out the calorie deficit. As a result, trying to skip meals to lose weight may create a cycle of restriction and overconsumption, making consistent fat loss harder to achieve.

Skipping meals also contributes to muscle protein breakdown, especially when protein intake is inadequate. During long gaps without food, the body may use muscle tissue for energy, which reduces lean mass. Since muscle plays a major role in metabolism, losing it can slow calorie burning and impact long-term weight loss. This highlights why proper nutrition for weight loss should include regular meals with enough protein rather than relying on inconsistent eating patterns.

Weight Loss Intermittent Fasting vs Continuous Deficit

Intermittent fasting is a structured way to skip meals to lose weight, but it differs from random meal skipping because it follows a consistent schedule. Methods like the 16:8 approach limit eating to a specific time window, helping reduce calorie intake while still supporting fat loss.

A continuous calorie deficit focuses on lowering daily intake in a steady, predictable way. This supports gradual weight loss while keeping energy levels stable. Based on a study conducted by the National Institutes of Health via PubMed, consistent calorie restriction can be effective for fat loss while reducing extreme metabolic adaptation.

Both approaches can work, but consistency matters most. Unstructured skipping meals often leads to hunger and poor adherence. Nutrition for weight loss works best when it prioritizes balance, whether through intermittent fasting or regular meals.

Nutrition for Weight Loss Sustainable Strategies Beyond Skipping

Nutrition for weight loss is about building habits that support fat loss while protecting your metabolism. According to the National Institutes of Health, balanced nutrition and adequate energy intake are essential for maintaining metabolic health and preventing muscle loss. Instead of relying on skipping meals, focusing on sustainable strategies leads to better long-term results.
- Protein Intake for Fat Loss and Muscle Preservation: Increasing protein intake supports fat loss by helping maintain muscle mass and improving satiety. Protein also has a higher thermic effect, meaning your body burns more calories digesting it compared to fats or carbohydrates. This makes it easier to stay in a calorie deficit without extreme restriction or skipping meals.
- Diet Breaks and Refeed Periods for Metabolic Support: Using planned diet breaks helps prevent metabolic adaptation and keeps energy levels stable. Temporarily increasing calories to maintenance levels can restore hormone balance and support performance. This strategy allows your body to recover while still progressing toward weight loss goals.
- Behavioral Consistency for Long-Term Success: Building consistent habits is key to sustainable nutrition for weight loss. Practices like meal planning, mindful eating, and food tracking improve adherence and reduce overeating. Instead of trying to skip meals to lose weight, focusing on routine makes fat loss more manageable and long-lasting.
- Balanced Macronutrient Intake for Energy and Satiety: A proper balance of protein, carbohydrates, and fats supports steady energy levels and reduces cravings. Carbohydrates fuel daily activity, while healthy fats help regulate hormones linked to hunger. This balance improves adherence and makes it easier to maintain a consistent calorie deficit.
- Meal Timing and Regular Eating Patterns: Eating at regular intervals helps regulate hunger hormones and prevents extreme hunger later in the day. Consistent meal timing can improve satiety and reduce the urge to overeat. This approach supports both fat loss and metabolic stability without the need to skip meals.
Sustainable Fat Loss Framework Beyond Meal Skipping

Skipping meals may seem like a simple way to lose weight, but it often creates more challenges than benefits in the long run. While it can lead to a short-term calorie deficit, it may also slow metabolism, increase hunger, and reduce muscle mass. These effects can make weight loss less predictable and harder to sustain.

A more effective approach focuses on consistency, balanced nutrition, and realistic habits. By prioritizing protein intake, maintaining a steady calorie deficit, and avoiding extreme restriction, you can support long-term fat loss. Nutrition for weight loss works best when it aligns with your lifestyle, helping you achieve lasting results without compromising your health.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is skipping meals a good way to lose weight quickly?

Skipping meals can reduce calorie intake, leading to short-term weight loss. However, it often increases hunger and may cause overeating later. This can cancel out the calorie deficit created earlier in the day. Sustainable weight loss usually works better with consistent eating patterns.

2. Does skipping meals slow down metabolism?

Yes, skipping meals can lead to metabolic adaptation over time. The body may reduce its energy expenditure to conserve calories. This makes it harder to continue losing weight. Maintaining regular meals helps support a stable metabolism.

3. Is intermittent fasting better than skipping meals randomly?

Intermittent fasting is more structured and can be more effective than random meal skipping. It provides a clear eating schedule that helps control calorie intake. Random skipping often leads to inconsistent results and overeating. Structure plays a key role in success.

4. How can I lose fat without skipping meals?

You can lose fat by creating a moderate calorie deficit through balanced meals. Focus on protein intake, portion control, and consistent eating habits. Regular meals help manage hunger and maintain energy levels. This approach supports long-term fat loss and better overall health.
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May 6, 2026
I Used AI to Reach a Lifelong Body Goal: How You Can Use it to Power

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May 6, 2026
Cultivating Courage and Confidence in Motherhood
My memories of motherhood are filled with moments of self-doubt. No mother alive doesn’t go through some self-doubt. Given all of the ideas of what is best for children, it is easy to doubt your decisions. From the mundane to the seemingly “big decisions,” it is easy to spiral into negative emotion doubting ourselves.

A client of mine spent some time talking with me about the fact that she and her son and husband didn’t have a ritual for dinner together. It made sense for her family and their schedule that her son ate before her husband got home, yet nearly every day she would have thoughts of doubt about whether that was really okay. Turns out it was just fine, as now he is a wonderful young adult and they are very close. It seems silly looking back that we can get so hung up on things like this but it’s easy to do. How do we know it’s going to be okay?

Magazines, newspapers, and websites often produce stories out of research findings that show how some action or behavior is linked to some outcome, even when there is no definitive evidence that it was the cause for the outcome. The best test of how something works for your family is how it works for your family, over time!

How nice it would be to have a crystal ball to be able to know for sure that any given choice would be the “right choice,” and that everything would turn out okay. The mind can blow things way out of proportion and make the risk to their development and well-being seem enormous. In our grasping for certainty and our fear of our doubt, we may create a lot of optional suffering. It is helpful to kindly remind yourself that kids are resilient and that you can be too. You can always make new choices after seeing the outcome.

When Fear Is Present

Like self-doubt, fear is another major topic in parenting. From the barrage of news reports about terrible things happening to children, mass shootings, catastrophic weather events, wars, etc., there is plenty to fearfully focus on. Add to that “time travel” in the mind, thoughts of what might or could happen, and that’s a whole lot of optional suffering in motherhood. Using mindfulness, especially a regular practice of mindfulness of thoughts and feelings, can help you step out of autopilot to see if you are actually suffering unnecessarily.

You can shift the focus of your mind at any time. Fear is not a sign that the feared outcome is going to happen. Trying to imagine how you would face something you are afraid of that isn’t happening right now is often a waste of energy and can lead to self-condemnation. My favorite mantras, “Just this moment,” and “Just here, just now,” really help me to get out of my mind and get back into the flow of life. When you find yourself trying to “think it away,” you have to choose to redirect the mind to just be with now, to be with what is right in front of you and let fear fade into the background. It may arise again, and you can refocus again.

I have come to understand that when fear is present, I must dig deep to move toward the thing I value. I don’t need to be rid of the fear to get through it.

I have come to understand that when fear is present, I must dig deep to move toward the thing I value. I don’t need to be rid of the fear to get through it. I can decide to dig deep anyway, giving myself positive self-talk along the way.

Uncovering Your Courage

Being brave or having courage is often described in a way that looks like having no fear. Motherhood calls for courage from the very beginning. We may go into it with sweet ideas, but we soon come to see how much we are needing to face that’s frightening or intimidating. Just like with appreciation, it is useful to stop and recognize where you were courageous. Acknowledging when you were afraid and did stuff anyway helps grow a sense of confidence.

A client of mine was worried about whether she could be brave in the face of helping her four-year old daughter through a surgery and an overnight stay at the hospital. She noticed that she often took her fearful thoughts to mean that she wouldn’t be brave. They were some kind of bad sign. If she thought these things now, how could she do it?

Anxious anticipation can undermine any of us.

She also felt terrible about herself for dreading it. I encouraged her to validate herself, when she noticed the dread, by saying, “This is really hard. It’s okay.” She found it really helpful to acknowledge that simple fact, rather than to indict herself as a bad mother for all of the fear and negative thoughts. No one wants to go through hard things, and there is so much that is hard. It’s really okay to acknowledge it.

Choosing to Be Brave

I will always remember one of the more profound moments when I decided to be brave; where I showed myself that I could be courageous. I was finishing up the bath with my toddler son when I heard my toddler daughter fall in the other room. I ran to see her and found she had fallen and split her chin open. Blood was everywhere and I was freaked out. Here was one of the moments as a mother I had feared I wouldn’t be up to when it finally arrived. I was terrified.

Despite the urge to cry and run the other way, I soothed her and cleaned her up anyway. After calling the pediatrician’s office who recommended I take her to the emergency room to see if she needed stitches, I called my husband to tell him to drop everything and come home. I told my husband he would be going to the ER with her!

We can choose again and again to turn toward what we want for ourselves or our child, regardless of the mind’s first reaction.

It dawned on me a few minutes after I hung up with him that I wanted my kids to see me be strong. I wondered what kind of message I would be sending my daughter, who was leaning on me and my soothing, if I sent her off with her dad who had just come home from being gone all day. Certainly, it wouldn’t have hurt her, but I realized here was an opportunity.

So, as much as I dreaded it, I asked my husband to stay with our son and I took her to the ER. A few stitches and several hours later we were back home and doing fine. Courage and confidence are not something you have or not. Remember the growth mindset. We can choose again and again to turn toward what we want for ourselves or our child, regardless of the mind’s first reaction.

When we string together moments like that, those choices lead to courage and confidence. Another gift of motherhood! Where I once went running away, I tamed my fears of spiders, bees, and snakes as well! Motherhood can show us how brave we can be.

Excerpt reproduced with author’s permission from Just This Moment: A Guide for Moms Who Want to Enjoy Parenting, Raise Great Kids and THRIVE! by Elizabeth Torres, Psy.D. ABPP. (2019).
Mindfulness for Kids

When we teach mindfulness to kids, we equip them with tools to build self-esteem, manage stress, and skillfully approach challenges. Explore our guide on how to introduce mindfulness and meditation to your children—at any age. Read More

Mindful Staff

June 11, 2020
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May 6, 2026
Growing Pains in Kids and How to Spot Benign Night Leg Aches and Recognize Red Flag Signs to Call the Doctor
Growing pains are a common reason children complain of leg pain at night, and they can be distressing for caregivers to witness. In many cases, these benign night leg aches are harmless, but knowing how to recognize their typical pattern and the red‑flag signs to call the doctor helps adults decide when reassurance is enough and when medical advice is needed.

Understanding growing pains allows families to respond calmly while remaining alert to symptoms that may suggest something more serious.

What Are Growing Pains in Children?

Growing pains, often referred to as benign nocturnal limb pains, describe a pattern of leg pain occurring in otherwise healthy children.

These pains are considered benign because they are not associated with damage to the bones or joints and do not interfere with normal growth. They most commonly affect children between about 3 and 12 years of age, with many cases appearing in the preschool and early school years.

What Do Growing Pains Feel Like?

Children with growing pains usually report a dull ache or throbbing sensation deep in the legs. The discomfort typically affects the calves, shins, thighs, or the area behind the knees rather than the joints themselves.

Benign night leg aches often involve both legs or alternate sides from one episode to another, which is a typical feature. The pain usually appears late in the day, in the evening, or during the night and often resolves by morning, leaving the child pain-free during the day.

Caregivers often find that gentle massage, stretching, or warm compresses ease the discomfort and help the child settle back to sleep.

Children with growing pains can run, play, and participate in their usual daytime activities without a limp or persistent stiffness. This combination of night-time pain with normal function the next day is one of the most important clues that the pain is likely benign.

At What Age Do Growing Pains Usually Start?

Growing pains usually begin in early childhood. Many children first experience symptoms between ages 3 and 5, and some have a second phase between ages 8 and 12.

Not every child has benign night leg aches, and those who do may experience them intermittently over several months or years. Pain-free intervals are common, and the pattern tends to be episodic rather than constant.

Are Night-Time Leg Aches in Children Normal?

Night-time leg pain can be alarming, but growing pains are one of the most frequent causes of recurrent leg aches in otherwise healthy children. In this context, benign night leg aches are generally considered a normal variation rather than a sign of disease.

Are Growing Pains Normal in Children?

For many children, growing pains are a normal part of development and are not a marker of arthritis, joint damage, or abnormal growth. Despite the name, they are not directly caused by bone stretching.

They may relate to muscle fatigue, overuse after active days, or a heightened sensitivity to pain in some children. The key point is that the child is otherwise well and active, according to Cleveland Clinic.

Why Do a Child’s Legs Hurt at Night but Are Fine by Morning?

A hallmark of benign night leg aches is the timing: pain appears when the child is resting or asleep and disappears by morning. The child can walk and play normally the next day without limp or weakness.

This pattern distinguishes growing pains from many other conditions, which tend to cause pain or stiffness in the morning, during activity, or throughout the day.

How to Tell If It’s Really “Benign” Growing Pains

Recognizing the typical pattern of growing pains helps caregivers decide when reassurance is reasonable and when medical input is needed.

Typical Features of Benign Night Leg Aches

Typical signs that point toward benign growing pains include:
- Pain in the muscles of the legs rather than in the joints
- Involvement of both legs or alternating sides
- Episodes occurring in the late afternoon, evening, or at night
- Pain-free periods in between episodes
- Relief with massage, stretching, warmth, or cuddling
- Normal walking, running, and playing during the day
When most of these features are present, the pain is more likely to represent growing pains than a more serious condition.

How Can Caregivers Tell If Leg Pain Is Serious?

Leg pain that does not fit the classic pattern of benign night leg aches deserves closer attention. Warning signs include pain that is constant or present during the day, pain that worsens over time, or pain centered on one specific spot on a bone or joint.

A child who limps, avoids using a leg, or has morning stiffness is not showing the usual pattern of growing pains. These differences form part of the red‑flag signs to call the doctor, as per Mayo Clinic.

Red-Flag Signs to Call the Doctor

Although growing pains themselves are benign, certain features suggest a need for medical evaluation. Caregivers should watch for red‑flag signs to call the doctor, including:
- Pain in only one leg that keeps returning to the same area
- Pain that is constant, not just at night
- Visible swelling, redness, warmth, or deformity of a joint or bone
- A new limp, refusal to walk, or difficulty bearing weight
- Pain after an injury that remains severe or localized
- Associated symptoms such as fever, unexplained weight loss, night sweats, unusual tiredness, or the child appearing unwell
If any of these signs occur, contacting the child’s doctor is advisable to rule out infection, injury, inflammatory disease, or, more rarely, serious illnesses affecting the bones or blood.

Urgent or emergency care is needed if a child cannot stand or walk at all due to leg pain, has sudden severe pain with redness or swelling, or has high fever combined with leg pain. These scenarios fall outside the expected pattern of growing pains and require prompt assessment.

Growing Pains: Supporting Comfort and Knowing When to Seek Help

Growing pains and benign night leg aches are part of the normal experience for many children and often resolve over time without affecting growth, joint health, or long-term function.

Recognizing the typical pattern, night-time muscle pain in both legs, normal movement by day, and relief with simple comfort measures, reassures caregivers that these are likely benign.

Staying aware of the red‑flag signs to call the doctor, such as persistent one-sided pain, swelling, limping, or systemic symptoms, ensures that children who need further evaluation receive it promptly. With a clear understanding of growing pains, families can balance reassurance and vigilance while supporting a child’s comfort and wellbeing.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can growing pains affect just one leg sometimes?

Growing pains are typically felt in both legs or alternate sides; persistent pain in only one leg is less typical and should be discussed with a pediatrician.

2. Do growing pains happen every night?

They usually come and go, with pain-free days or weeks in between; nightly pain over a long period is not typical and may need medical review.

3. Can hydration or nutrition help reduce growing pains?

Staying well hydrated and eating a balanced diet supports overall muscle and bone health, but there is no single nutrient proven to prevent growing pains.

4. Are growing pains linked to a child’s height later in life?

No, growing pains do not predict how tall a child will become and are not linked to abnormal growth or final adult height.
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May 5, 2026
How Sudden Intense Exercise Can Trigger a Migraine or Headache
Sudden intense exercise can be a powerful way to boost fitness, but for some people, sudden exertion also brings on a pounding exertional headache or even a full-blown migraine.

When effort ramps up too quickly, rapid changes in blood flow, blood pressure, body temperature, and hydration can work together as a strong migraine trigger. Understanding how blood pressure spikes, vasodilation, dehydration, overexertion, and heat/humidity interact can help people exercise more comfortably and safely.

How Sudden Exertion Triggers Headache and Migraine

An exertional headache is a headache that appears during or shortly after physical activity, especially when that activity involves sudden exertion such as sprinting, heavy lifting, or high-intensity interval training.

The pain is often throbbing, can feel worse with ongoing effort, and may affect both sides of the head. For people with a history of migraine, the same exertion can lead to a typical migraine attack with pulsating pain, nausea, and sensitivity to light or sound.

During intense exercise, the cardiovascular system must react quickly. Heart rate climbs, breathing speeds up, and blood pressure rises to deliver more oxygen-rich blood to the muscles and brain.

If someone goes from rest straight into maximum effort, that sudden shift can irritate pain-sensitive structures in and around the brain. In individuals whose nervous systems are already sensitive, these abrupt changes act as a direct migraine trigger.

Blood Pressure Spike, Vasodilation, and Pain

One key link between sudden exertion and exertional headache is the way the body handles a sharp blood pressure spike.

Going from light activity to all-out effort can make blood pressure climb rapidly, increasing pressure in blood vessels in the head and neck and raising intracranial pressure. For some, this pressure change alone can provoke pain.

At the same time, the body relies on vasodilation to meet increased oxygen demand. During intense exercise, blood vessels widen to carry more blood. When vasodilation happens quickly in vessels supplying the brain, it can stretch vessel walls and nearby tissues, which contain pain-sensitive nerve fibers.

This stretching is one suspected mechanism behind the throbbing pain of exertional headache and migraine. If vessel tone swings abruptly, from relative constriction at rest to sudden vasodilation under load, the nervous system may respond with headache.

Breathing patterns can make this worse. Many people hold their breath while lifting or straining, a habit known as the Valsalva maneuver.

Breath-holding increases pressure in the chest and can further elevate blood pressure and intracranial pressure. Combined with sudden exertion, this pattern can significantly raise the risk of an exertional headache or migraine trigger.

Dehydration, Overexertion, and Workout Intensity

Dehydration plays a major role in exercise-related headaches. When the body loses fluid through sweat and heavier breathing without adequate replacement, blood volume drops and circulation becomes less efficient, according to the World Health Organization.

The brain is very sensitive to fluid changes. Loss of water can cause it to pull slightly away from the skull, putting tension on pain-sensitive membranes and contributing to headache. For people prone to migraine, even mild dehydration is a common migraine trigger.

Overexertion amplifies these stresses. Pushing beyond current fitness levels, especially without a proper warm-up, forces the heart, blood vessels, and nervous system to adapt quickly. Stress hormones rise, and the body’s internal environment shifts in a short time.

When dehydration and overexertion combine, for example, during a long, intense workout with minimal breaks or fluids, the likelihood of an exertional headache or exercise-induced migraine increases. Repeated overexertion without adequate recovery can also lower a person’s threshold for future headaches.

Heat, Humidity, and Environmental Migraine Triggers

Heat and humidity add another layer of challenge. Exercising in hot, humid conditions makes it harder for the body to cool itself because sweat evaporates less efficiently.

Core body temperature can climb quickly, and the body responds by increasing vasodilation, including in vessels in the head. This heat-driven vasodilation can add to the vasodilation already caused by intense exercise, further sensitizing pain pathways.

Many people who live with migraine notice that hot weather, sudden temperature changes, or shifts in barometric pressure can act as migraine triggers.

When a tough workout in high heat/humidity is added on top of that sensitivity, the risk of exertional headache or migraine rises. Outdoor exercise brings additional triggers such as bright sunlight and glare, while indoor exercise in hot, poorly ventilated settings can have similar effects.

Key Symptoms to Watch For

Exertional headache often presents as throbbing or pulsating pain that appears during or shortly after intense activity. The pain may be felt on both sides of the head and can worsen with continued movement, bending, or straining, as per Harvard Health.

When sudden exertion acts as a migraine trigger, symptoms may include nausea, vomiting, light and sound sensitivity, and sometimes visual aura. Severe, sudden, or unusual headaches, especially those that feel like the “worst headache ever” or come with neurological symptoms, should be evaluated by a medical professional.

Practical Ways to Reduce Exertional Headache Risk

Because exertional headache and exercise-induced migraine often involve multiple factors, prevention usually means making several small changes rather than relying on a single fix.
- Start with a gradual warm-up instead of diving into maximum effort. A few minutes of low-intensity cardio and lighter sets allow heart rate, blood pressure, and vessel tone to rise more smoothly.
- Maintain steady hydration by drinking water regularly throughout the day and during exercise. For longer or very intense sessions, especially in heat/humidity, consider adding electrolytes to replace minerals lost through sweat.
- Adjust environmental conditions when possible. Exercising during cooler times of day, choosing shaded or indoor spaces in extreme heat, wearing breathable clothing, and taking brief rest breaks can all ease the strain of heat and humidity.
- Pay attention to breathing and technique. Exhaling during the effort phase of a movement and inhaling during the easier phase helps reduce blood pressure spikes. Keeping the head and neck in a neutral position can also help protect blood flow to the brain.
- Track patterns in a simple log, including workout type, intensity, duration, temperature, humidity, hydration, and any headache symptoms. Over time, this record can reveal which combinations of sudden exertion, overexertion, dehydration, and heat/humidity are most likely to act as a migraine trigger.
Exercising Smarter With Sudden Exertion and Migraine

For those prone to headache or migraine, sudden exertion does not have to be a permanent barrier to staying active. By respecting how blood pressure spikes, vasodilation, dehydration, overexertion, and heat/humidity interact, many people can adjust their approach and keep working out.

Gradual warm-ups, smart pacing, good hydration, and thoughtful control of the training environment all reduce the risk of exertional headache and migraine trigger exposure. With these strategies, individuals can work toward their fitness goals while better protecting themselves from exercise-related head pain.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can exertional headaches happen during light exercise, or only with intense workouts?

Exertional headaches are more common with high-intensity or sudden exertion, but they can still occur with lighter exercise if someone is dehydrated, overheated, or especially sensitive that day.

2. Do exertional headaches mean someone should avoid exercise altogether?

Not usually. Many people can keep exercising by warming up gradually, reducing peak intensity, staying hydrated, and adjusting for heat/humidity; a doctor can help tailor safe activity levels.

3. Are exertional headaches more common in beginners or trained athletes?

They can occur in both. Beginners may be at risk from overexertion and poor conditioning, while trained athletes can trigger them by pushing intensity, training in extreme heat, or skipping proper recovery.

4. Can medications help prevent exertional headaches or exercise-induced migraine?

In some cases, doctors may recommend preventive or pre-exercise medication, but this decision depends on frequency, severity, and underlying health, so it should always be discussed with a healthcare professional.
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May 4, 2026
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May 4, 2026
5 Lessons on Vanity: An Invitation to Awareness and Letting Go

I was once considered beautiful. Perhaps, by some, I still am.

At fourteen years old, I took a modeling course with two of my girlfriends. The ultimate in turning the body into an object to be adored. After three weeks of learning how to walk, sashay, and twirl, we sat down to paint our faces. The palate consisted of endless brushes and shadows—pinks, browns, golds, and glimmering sparkles.

Now, I think of it as war paint. We were being trained in the art of disguise, heightening our beauty, to use sexuality as an enticing weapon, and as a means of power. But at the time, it was playing dress up, like a six-year-old getting into mum’s make up and smearing it all over her face, making garish designs that can look cute on children. I didn’t understand the implications.

As part of this evolution, thin eyebrows were a necessary part of the mask: pull out all those unsightly and unwanted hairs to create a narrow arch of both surprise and slight disdain, to disarm with a slight tilt of the head, gazing upward and flirtatious.

One of the instructors, Mary-Anne, was moon-faced, large lipped, and fish-eyed, with long lashes. She came at me with relish, gleeful, saying, “I’ve been waiting for weeks to get at you.”

As she carefully tugged out each hair my eye muscles contracted into an excruciating spasm. The tears poured out of my tortured left eye while I endured this in the pursuit of iconic beauty.

Lesson One: Vanity Is Costly and Finite

This was the first indication, although I didn’t get the message, that vanity has a price.

This attachment to the body, the idealizing of our skin bag, ultimately comes at great cost.

Women so often are defined by, and get their power from, physical characteristics that have a built-in expiry date. But at fourteen we can’t fully know this. It is impossible to feel what will become inevitable; we understand it as happening to others but not to us.

Smiling, she handed me a mirror. I looked and saw that I was a little more hidden—that what I thought of as me, was not really me.

So, I sat very still, passive, while my eye cried, fascinated that this eye had a mind of its own. Finally, the teacher finished. She examined her creation and was proud. Smiling, she handed me a mirror. I looked and saw that I was a little more hidden—that what I thought of as me, was not really me.

Lesson Two: Desire Leads to Suffering

When I was fifteen, Judy Welch, a diva of the modelling scene, and the owner of an agency, entered me in the Miss Chin Bikini contest that took place annually on Centre Island in Toronto.

We were twenty-two heads of cattle going up for the beauty auction. While uncomfortable, I was still too young to know what I was feeling. I still didn’t fully realize that we were up for scrutiny and judgment. Each of us was an object of comparison, to see who would be most valued.

It was 1971, and I wore a white crocheted bikini with daisy-like nipple coverings and brown platform strappy sandals. The contestants lined up before the judges in a back room behind the stage. We were twenty-two heads of cattle going up for the beauty auction. While uncomfortable, I was still too young to know what I was feeling. I still didn’t fully realize that we were up for scrutiny and judgment. Each of us was an object of comparison, to see who would be most valued in this competition of the female form.

Following this inspection, we swished along the runway in that contrived, lithe and pseudo-sexual manner to catcalls and Italian exclamations, and it was finally dawning on me that I am an object. It felt a little dangerous. I came in third place. Not the most beautiful, but still in the running. I won a bottle of Baby Duck that I was too young to drink, and my picture was in the Toronto Sun showing me walking, ash blonde hair, sharp jawed, bikini clad. I was a success.

Obscene breathy phone calls followed this win, until they stopped. Some version of me was wanted. I was repulsed and afraid, but clearly also wishing to be seen. It was confusing to do what was being asked of me and then putting myself at risk.

Thankfully, even then, the news was short-lived. Everything passes. This was the second lesson on vanity: As we attach, so do others, and this grasping is problematic.

Lesson Three: The Need for an Inner Life

The third lesson came when I went to see a photographer to create my modelling portfolio.

Every model needs a book of photos to display her various looks to potential employers. These are her wares.

Derek told me to go into the bathroom and ice my nipples and then put my tight black, ribbed cardigan back on. He directed me to partially undo my sweater. Dutifully, I complied. Already, I knew to do what men tell me. I was fifteen years old. The photographic image conveyed something unrecognizably coquettish in black and white: long hair, head tilted and mouth in a pouty kiss.

I see now how quickly we get lost in the appearance of things, hooked by the illusion of sex for sale, reinforcing the manufactured desire of the viewer.

It became important to cultivate an internal life so that when I ultimately arrived at the invisibility of middle age and beyond, there would be something more than the loss seen in the mirror. But this was a slow and painful learning.

My very brief modeling career soon ended after that experience. I didn’t have what it took to pretend in this way, to completely buy into the dream.

I realized early that my moment as a focus of male attention, and the power this gave, was time limited. It became important to cultivate an internal life so that when I ultimately arrived at the invisibility of middle age and beyond, there would be something more than the loss seen in the mirror. But this was a slow and painful learning.

At 28 and 34 years old I was pregnant, becoming a woman of substance, gaining 65 and 45 pounds respectively. I stopped traffic in the street when crossing, because I believed I was indestructible.

It was a fascinating time. My body was not mine. It did what it wanted and there was freedom in this choicelessness. The body was morphing while these creatures grew inside. I was a temporary accommodation for them. We were symbiotic while they were both inside and out, until they started running away.

Mindfulness and parenting are wonderful ways to develop an inner life. You come to know your experience inside and out.

Lesson Four: Learn to Let Go

Motherhood is a continual process of letting go. It is unfortunate that I didn’t let go of my attachment to my body and its changing appearance when I had that first opportunity.

Varicosities abounded as a result of pregnancy. I had one long, wriggling and twisting vein that traversed my lower leg removed for an obscene price.

In my forties, I started running long and fast away from the Grim Reaper, following my husband who is five years younger than I am, trying to hang on to a youth that was already gone.

I ran four marathons, culminating in Boston in a 90-degree Fahrenheit heat wave. I finished. So many do not. I have perseverance and pacing. I managed to develop a bleeding gut, from dehydration, and a bacteria called campylobacter picked up a month before in Guatemala. It turned my body into a vomiting, excretive, bloody mess. When this healed, I got pelvic cramping whenever I ran more than five kilometers.

Many years have been devoted to the mirror. I sometimes now think of hanging a black cloth over it so I can stop the compulsion to look and mourn the loss of my good looks.

I asked an esthetician friend of mine what she thinks are the best anti-aging products or techniques. She says, “Honey, hold back the hands of time and stop them before they start moving.”

Every day I examine myself through the looking glass and take in each tiny detail—the fine lines around the mouth, the darkening under the eyes, the fat herniation in my eye lids, and the gentle sagging of the jaw.

I asked an esthetician friend of mine what she thinks are the best anti-aging products or techniques. She says, “Honey, hold back the hands of time and stop them before they start moving.”

We could also consider accepting the inevitable. Just let go of hanging on to what is already gone. But we revere our youth and beauty, as do others, for so many reasons. If females need protection, it is much more likely we will get it if we are young, gorgeous, and reproductively viable. We can avoid presenting the reality of sickness, aging and death that we desperately want to ignore. Our culture, unlike some, hates aging and the aged. They are a frightening reminder of our end. We push away what we don’t like. We behave in defiance, avoiding the unavoidable truth: that we are mortal.

We push away what we don’t like. We behave in defiance, avoiding the unavoidable truth: that we are mortal.

I note every wrinkle that has begun to engrave its way into my face and see the effects of gravity over time. I see the development of the estrogen pouch as my waistline thickens. The varicosities increase, and my skin thins. Sunspots creep over my hands. Red dots pop up on my chest and belly. Thank medicine for liquid nitrogen. We can burn a lot away. Hairs sprout from my face.

I make a pact with my friend that she will pull those hairs out of my chin if I am dying in a hospital bed. Why stop then? I see my nails thicken, skin dry, my hair grey, my libido decline.

Lesson Five: Acceptance Is More Helpful Than Resistance

I look good for my age. In that sentence there is the gripping on to that which is passing before my eyes, the need to look makes me feel good. I never tell people to guess my age. What if they are right?

Unable to let go, I hang on with hair colour, tweezing, exercise, vitamins, estrogen, testosterone, vein removal, facials, botox, and filler. I am careful not to cross the line into looking freakish. No duck lips or chipmunk cheeks for me. I want to look natural. To pretend on top of pretending.

A lack of willingness to embrace the impermanence and decline of the body is an expensive practice. Acceptance would be far more skillful than resistance, and this absurd continuous re-modelling of an aging bag. I am still chained to this body and an idea of who I think I am or who I think I should be.

What is acceptance if not resignation? I don’t understand it is not a battle.

Three of my friends are turning fifty. I have three gifts for them. A care kit for the future. These are: a magnifying mirror, Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck, and Larry Rosenberg’s Breath by Breath.

The mirror is such an interesting companion on this journey, and avoidance of its reflection is as much an act of hanging on to your view of self as is the gazing at and manipulation of your image. It can also prevent eye trickery if one can see clearly. The books have two functions. One is for lightening attachment to the body with humour, and the other is an instruction for working with the truth that change can be a friend, rather than the enemy.

I have understood this lesson in acceptance, but there is still the looking glass, and I remain bound to its glitter and my image.

This futile attempt to freeze the march of time on my face and body is the cause of suffering. Intellectually, I know this, but the idea of giving up on my body is currently aversive. The cosmetic surgery business is booming. Women in their 20s and 30s are taking the plunge into myriad injections, surgical removals and implants, spawning a generation of females who are more like Barbie than Barbie herself, with their immobile faces, large eyes, and protruding lips. If only the body were perfect, we would be happy—and yet another part of me knows this is not true.

I have understood this lesson in acceptance, but there is still the looking glass, and I remain bound to its glitter and my image.

I am in my 60s now, still measuring myself against my cohort. I see these bulges of back fat, falling biceps, and increasing fatigue. My bones and muscles, however, carry me lithely and my sight and hearing are still almost perfect. I await the time when I can no longer keep up with the maintenance and am completely unseen. It would be a good time for a second career as a spy.

Alternatively, as an 80-year old woman I knew once said, I could let it all go, “…wake up every morning, look in the mirror and laugh, shake my head, and say, How did I get here?”

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May 4, 2026
How a Rectal Exam Helped Restore a Patient’s Irregular Heart Rhythm Without Treatment
A rectal exam is not something most people would associate with heart rhythm problems, yet in one unusual case, it played a surprising role in restoring a patient’s atrial fibrillation. The patient arrived at the hospital with an irregular heartbeat reaching 140 beats per minute, a clear sign of a serious rhythm disturbance that typically requires immediate medical intervention.

Doctors initially prepared standard irregular heartbeat treatment, including cardioversion and anticoagulants, but something unexpected happened before those steps were taken. During a routine rectal exam, the patient’s heart rate dropped significantly, and his rhythm returned to normal without medication or procedures, highlighting a rare connection between the digestive system and heart rhythm regulation.

Atrial Fibrillation Pathophysiology and Vagal Triggers

Atrial fibrillation is a condition where the heart’s electrical signals become disorganized, causing the upper chambers to quiver instead of contracting properly. This leads to an irregular heartbeat and reduced blood flow, which can increase the risk of stroke, heart failure, and other complications. According to Mayo Clinic, atrial fibrillation disrupts the coordination between the heart’s chambers, making circulation less efficient and placing stress on the cardiovascular system.

The parasympathetic nervous system plays a key role in regulating heart rate, particularly through the vagus nerve. When this system is activated, it slows electrical conduction in the heart, helping stabilize rhythm disturbances. In some cases, digestive or physical triggers can stimulate this pathway, influencing how the heart behaves during episodes of atrial fibrillation.

This interaction explains why certain physical actions, such as straining or pressure in the abdominal area, can affect heart rhythm. These triggers may not always be intentional treatments, but they demonstrate how closely linked the body’s systems are when it comes to managing an irregular heartbeat.

Rectal Exam Vagus Nerve Stimulation Mechanism

In this case, the rectal exam was originally performed to check for gastrointestinal bleeding before starting anticoagulant therapy. During the procedure, the patient was asked to bear down, a technique similar to the Valsalva maneuver, which increases pressure in the chest and abdomen. According to the American Heart Association, vagal maneuvers like this can stimulate the vagus nerve and slow heart rate by affecting electrical signals in the heart.

As the patient performed this action during the rectal exam, his heart rate dropped from 140 beats per minute to around 80 beats per minute. Further monitoring showed that the irregular rhythm had resolved, effectively restoring normal sinus rhythm without the need for immediate medical intervention.

This suggests that the rectal exam triggered a chain reaction involving the vagus nerve and the parasympathetic nervous system. The stimulation likely counteracted the abnormal electrical signals causing the atrial fibrillation, demonstrating a rare but powerful example of how physical reflexes can influence cardiac function.

Irregular Heartbeat Treatment Alternatives and Vagal Maneuvers

Irregular heartbeat treatment for atrial fibrillation typically focuses on restoring normal rhythm and preventing complications like stroke. According to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, treatment plans vary based on symptom severity and risk factors, often involving medications or procedures. However, some cases highlight how alternative methods like vagal maneuvers can influence heart rhythm in unexpected ways.
- Standard Irregular Heartbeat Treatment – Common treatments include medications such as beta-blockers or antiarrhythmics to control heart rate and rhythm, along with electrical cardioversion to reset the heartbeat. These approaches remain the primary and most reliable methods for managing atrial fibrillation.
- Vagal Maneuvers and Parasympathetic Activation – Techniques like the Valsalva maneuver, coughing, or applying cold stimuli to the face can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system. This slows electrical conduction in the heart and may help regulate certain types of irregular heartbeat without medication.
- Rectal Exam as an Unintentional Trigger – In this case, the rectal exam acted as a form of vagal stimulation, likely due to the patient performing a straining action similar to the Valsalva maneuver. This unexpected response shows how physical reflexes can sometimes influence heart rhythm.
- Future Potential of Non-Drug Methods – While not a replacement for standard care, these findings suggest that non-pharmacological approaches could play a supportive role in managing specific arrhythmias. Further research is needed to determine how these techniques can be safely integrated into medical practice.
Vagus Nerve Stimulation and Irregular Heartbeat: What This Case Reveals

This case highlights the complex relationship between the nervous system and the heart, particularly how vagus nerve stimulation can influence rhythm control. It also shows that the body has built-in mechanisms capable of correcting certain irregularities under specific conditions.

At the same time, it’s important to recognize that this outcome is rare and should not change how atrial fibrillation is typically treated. Instead, it offers insight into how alternative pathways might support traditional irregular heartbeat treatment in the future, especially as research into non-invasive therapies continues to grow.

A Surprising Link Between Body Reflexes and Heart Rhythm

The idea that a rectal exam could restore a normal heart rhythm may sound unusual, but it reflects how interconnected the human body truly is. Through vagus nerve stimulation and activation of the parasympathetic nervous system, even routine procedures can sometimes produce unexpected physiological effects.

While this case does not replace established treatments for atrial fibrillation, it adds an interesting perspective on how irregular heartbeat treatment could evolve. As more is learned about these reflex pathways, future approaches may combine traditional medicine with targeted stimulation techniques to improve outcomes and reduce the need for invasive procedures.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can a rectal exam really fix an irregular heartbeat?

In rare cases, it may trigger vagus nerve stimulation that helps restore normal rhythm. However, this is not a standard or reliable treatment method. Most irregular heartbeat conditions still require medical intervention. This case is considered unusual and not widely applicable.

2. What is atrial fibrillation?

Atrial fibrillation is a type of irregular heartbeat where the heart’s upper chambers beat out of sync with the lower chambers. This can reduce blood flow and increase the risk of stroke. Symptoms may include palpitations, fatigue, and shortness of breath. It often requires medical treatment to manage.

3. What is the Valsalva maneuver?

The Valsalva maneuver involves holding your breath and straining, which increases pressure in the chest. This action can stimulate the vagus nerve and slow heart rate. It is sometimes used to manage certain types of arrhythmias. However, it should only be done under medical guidance.

4. Are vagal maneuvers safe for treating heart rhythm issues?

They can be safe when performed correctly and under supervision. Doctors may recommend them for specific types of arrhythmias. However, they are not suitable for all patients or conditions. Professional medical advice is always necessary before trying them.
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May 3, 2026
Are Health Supplements Really Safe? What Science Says About Risks and Benefits
Health supplements are widely used to fill nutritional gaps, from vitamin D and omega-3 to magnesium and multivitamins. While many people rely on them for better health, concerns about supplement safety continue to grow due to inconsistent regulation, contamination risks, and possible drug interactions.

At the same time, research shows that some supplements offer real supplements benefits, especially for people with nutrient deficiencies or specific health conditions. However, not all products are equally reliable, and quality can vary depending on manufacturing standards and verification processes. Understanding how health supplements work, their benefits, and their risks is essential for making informed decisions about daily use.

Health Supplements Regulation and Quality Control

Health supplements in many countries are regulated under frameworks like the FDA DSHEA, which allows products to enter the market without pre-approval as long as they are not unsafe or misbranded. This means supplement safety relies heavily on post-market monitoring rather than strict upfront testing.

Many supplements make structure-function claims, such as “supports immunity,” but they cannot legally claim to treat or cure diseases. This creates a wide range of products with varying levels of scientific backing and consistency in labeling.

One major issue in health supplements is contamination, where products may contain heavy metals, undeclared substances, or incorrect dosages. This is why third-party testing like USP verification is important to ensure product quality and reliability.

Evidence-Based Supplements Benefits for Specific Populations

Certain health supplements show clear benefits when used to correct deficiencies or support specific health needs. Vitamin D, for example, is often recommended for individuals with low blood levels, helping improve bone health and reduce fall risk in older adults.

Omega-3 fatty acids also provide supplements for heart health, particularly in individuals with high triglycerides or previous cardiovascular events. Folic acid is another well-established supplement that significantly reduces the risk of neural tube defects when taken before and during early pregnancy.

However, benefits are most noticeable in people who actually need supplementation rather than general use. For healthy individuals with balanced diets, multivitamin trials often show limited or neutral effects on long-term disease prevention.

Supplement Safety Risks, Drug Interactions, and Overdose Concerns

Supplement safety becomes a major concern when products interact with medications or are taken in high doses. Some supplements can affect how drugs are absorbed or processed in the body, leading to reduced effectiveness or increased side effects.

Common drug interactions include vitamin K affecting blood thinners and St. John’s Wort reducing the effectiveness of certain medications. Even widely used products like fish oil or iron supplements can cause issues when combined with prescription drugs or taken in excess.

Overdosing on health supplements can also lead to toxicity, especially with fat-soluble vitamins like A and D. This makes proper dosage and medical guidance essential, particularly for individuals taking multiple supplements or medications.

How to Choose Safe Health Supplements

Choosing the right health supplements requires more than just picking popular brands or trending products. Safety, quality, and scientific backing should all be considered before adding any supplement to your routine. A careful approach helps maximize supplements benefits while reducing potential risks.
- Check for Third-Party Verification (USP verification) – Look for seals from trusted organizations like USP, NSF, or ConsumerLab to ensure the product has been tested for purity, accuracy, and safety standards.
- Review Ingredient Transparency (FDA regulation) – Always examine the label for clear ingredient lists and avoid products with hidden blends or unclear dosages that may affect supplement safety.
- Understand Your Health Needs – Focus on supplements that address specific deficiencies or medical needs rather than taking unnecessary products that may not provide real benefits.
- Watch for Drug Interactions – Be aware of possible interactions with medications, especially blood thinners, diabetes drugs, or other long-term prescriptions.
- Avoid Overdosing Risks – Follow recommended dosages carefully, as excessive intake of vitamins or minerals can lead to toxicity and unwanted side effects.
Smarter Choices for Health Supplements Use

Health supplements can support wellness, but they are not a substitute for a balanced diet or medical treatment. Their effectiveness depends on correct usage, product quality, and individual health needs.

Making informed choices means checking labels, looking for third-party verification like USP, and understanding potential risks. With better awareness of supplement safety and realistic expectations of supplements benefits, users can avoid unnecessary risks while supporting their health goals.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Are health supplements safe for daily use?

Health supplements can be safe when taken correctly and in appropriate doses. However, safety depends on product quality, regulation, and individual health conditions. Some supplements may interact with medications or cause side effects. It is best to consult a healthcare professional before daily use.

2. Do supplements really provide health benefits?

Yes, but mainly for people with nutrient deficiencies or specific health needs. Supplement benefits are strongest in cases like vitamin D deficiency or pregnancy-related folic acid use. For healthy individuals, benefits may be limited. A balanced diet is still the primary source of nutrition.

3. What does FDA regulation mean for supplements?

FDA regulation means supplements are monitored for safety but are not pre-approved before selling. Manufacturers are responsible for ensuring product safety and labeling accuracy. The FDA can take action if a product is found unsafe. This makes post-market monitoring very important.

4. How can I check if a supplement is safe?

Look for third-party testing seals like USP, NSF, or ConsumerLab. These certifications indicate the product has been tested for quality and accuracy. Always check ingredient lists and avoid products with unclear labeling. Consulting a doctor can also help ensure safety.

Originally published on Science Times
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May 2, 2026
On the Other Side of Sadness: Teaching Our Kids (and Ourselves) That It’s Okay to Feel Anything

My six-year-old daughter, Opal, wants nothing more than to go to the Humane Society to visit the dogs that “need the most love.” So we leave right from a half-day of school to do just that, eating almond butter and jelly sandwiches on the way.

The entryway of the Boulder Valley Humane Society smells like wood chips. There is a stack of hamster cages by the front door, placed like intended impulse purchases, like Chapstick and breath mints at Target.

“May I help you?” The pleasant lady behind the counter says with a mouth that is more gums than teeth. I tell her we’d like to visit a dog or two that are especially in need of love.

“Hmmm,” she says, thinking, with a close-mouthed smile. “Yes, Leo could use a visit. He’s big, that ok?”

We have an 85-pound lab at home. I assure her we are accustomed to Big.

We find Leo asleep on a bed in a very large crate with a bone-shaped sign marked “Sweetie pie.” He is a five-year-old pit bull with a face as wide as a loaf of bread and fur the shade of sand. We return to the front room where we wait for a staff person to bring him out.

I notice as we walk through the halls, many—but not all—of the dogs have the same bone-shaped signs hanging from their cages, but with all different descriptions: “Playful!” “Timid.” It occurs to me that the ones without the signs must not be as forthcoming in their nameable characteristics. In my mind I imagine hosting a party in the New Year where I’ll have each guest wear a little sign around their neck that states one of their prominent qualities: People pleaser. Observer. Perfectionist.

Leo busts through the swinging doors, pulling a staff member behind him on a pink leash. This should be an indication of what we’re in for, but I grab the leash anyway and out the front doors we go. Walking this dog is essentially like walking a linebacker who is heading in the opposite direction. I desperately try to keep my footing while he pulls me down a muddy decline and we leave Opal behind, yelling MOM!

Giving this dog love is proving to be an arduous task. So we start to head back towards the building where we came from.

As we walk, I notice the fur is missing from the tops of both of Leo’s ears and there are chalky mushroom-shaped lumps on his skin where the hair should be growing. Same on the backs of his legs. There are pin stripes in his short fur where the hair doesn’t grow, much more subtle than the scars that would have come from the mouth or claws of another animals.

Opal says, “Why does he look like that?”

I tell her it looks like he’s been in a fight with another dog. Harmless enough—animals fight. I don’t say that it looks like he has probably been in dogfights. That he was likely rescued from a rough situation with either an abusive owner or an owner who condoned violence. The kind of scenario that gives pit bulls a bad name. He is horrid on a leash—left both of my hands red and burned from the yanking—but he doesn’t seem to have any fear of or aggression towards people. This, to me, is a marvel.

Upon our return, we catch sight of a man playing with a pit bull puppy, smiling and laughing as the pup climbs into his lap then flops over the side. I can see that Opal wants that experience, so we give Leo a final head-scratch and then ask to trade him in for a puppy.

The Discomfort, the Squirming Away, the Return to Presence

We take one of seven pit bull puppies to a fenced-in area outside. The fresh air and the puppy-energy feel like a relief. He’s as small as a football and slick-black except for his belly and the tips of his paws, which are pure white. Watching him teeter and fumble from point A to point B is pure comedy. Opal is beside herself with delight.

Then she asks the inevitable question: “Can we take him home?”

I tell her no. A puppy is way too much work. They poop and chew on everything. But we can come visit him next week.

“What if he’s gone by then?”

Opal doesn’t say much on the way home. “Blackbird” by the Beatles is playing on the radio—Take these broken wings and learn to fly. I can see her in the rear-view mirror gazing out the window with a million-mile stare.

I tell her that if he’s gone, that would mean a good family adopted him. These puppies would probably get adopted really fast.

Opal doesn’t say much on the way home. “Blackbird” by the Beatles is playing on the radio—Take these broken wings and learn to fly. I can see her in the rear-view mirror gazing out the window with a million-mile stare.

At home, Opal drapes her body over my lap as we sit on the couch. Our huge lab is snoring at my feet. Opal is sniffling and periodically wipes her nose on her sleeve. I caress her hair.

She says, “What if nobody wants to adopt Leo?” Plump little tears pool in the corners of her eyes.

I tell Opal that maybe we shouldn’t return to the Humane Society if it’s just going to break her heart. But that only upsets her more and I quickly realize those words are counter to everything we’ve been teaching her.

We—the Grimes family—have spent the better part of a year as a foster family. And we frequently talk about how we never need to shy away from big emotions, especially when they come as a repercussion of helping others. But it’s such a habit to either tense-up or cower in the face of unhappiness, and to want to shield others from the pain of being human.

“Honey, the Humane Society will find a good home for Leo. And for the little puppy and all his brothers and sisters.”

“But what if the man who adopts them is mean?”

I know there are no shortcuts to getting to the other side of sadness aside from going through it.

“Oh honey,” I say. I am constantly at odds with how much truth to share with her about this crazy, uncertain, often-terrifying-but-also-beautiful-and-miraculous world. I swing back and forth between feeling like I say too much, and not knowing what else to say.

So I return to simply paying attention—to my own thoughts, my own discomfort, my own shallow breath, my own want to talk about happier things—because I know there are no shortcuts to getting to the other side of sadness aside from going through it.

I ask, “Can you take a deep breath with me?”

“Uh-huh.” She is looking up at me now as we inhale and exhale. Choppy, partial breaths at first, then calm and deep.

“Hey, it’s okay to feel sadness, sweetie. Fact is, there is a lot of sadness in the world. We just keep doing what we can. And you did good today, giving love like you did.”

It in that moment, she stands up, gathers herself, and flashes me a tiny but genuine smile as she moves on with her day.

Realizing: It’s Okay to Feel My Own Sadness, Too

Two days later, we take a trip to visit our beloved foster baby of nearly a year who returned to live with her parents three weeks earlier. This baby, we’ll call her Little Blue Eyes.

I’m so pleased to find her looking happy and healthy, very connected to her mother. She has an adorable room with quilts on the walls, loads of toys and books. Their pit bull strangely resembles the one from the humane society, though he is exponentially more calm and civilized.

I didn’t realize it, but many of my feelings of loss had been shuffled in with the hubbub of the holidays and travel. The grief is immediately present when I rest my gaze on her face and hear her say OpalOpalOpal.

All good news. And yet, in spite of the fact that we will likely see her again, it feels as if this visit is a good-bye. Little Blue Eyes went home days before Christmas and I didn’t realize it, but many of my feelings of loss had been shuffled in with the hubbub of the holidays and travel. The grief is immediately present when I rest my gaze on her face and hear her say OpalOpalOpal.

The sorrow feels like fatigue at first, then grumpy over-sensitivity during dinner. Then, later, after Opal is asleep, a torrent of tears comes like a valve has burst behind my eyes. I can’t stop it, though my first inclination is to do just that. My mindful self is telling me that crying is a natural and healthy reaction, and that I can relax with my sadness. But my body—bones and muscles—wants to make the discomfort go away. I am aware of all of this.

I make my way into our bedroom where Jesse is watching TV. He sees my face and says, “Little Blue Eyes?”

I think of how intense these emotions feel to me, a “big strong grown-up,” and I can only imagine how the same vast emotions must feel to my daughter, on the planet only six years and with much less experience in seeing her feelings through to the other side. It’s up to us to show her that emotions are fluid, always in flux.

I nod and lie down next to him. I put my head on his chest the way Opal did with me a few days earlier. His heart is in my ear like a distant drum against my shifting breath. I think of how intense these emotions feel to me, a “big strong grown-up,” and I can only imagine how the same vast emotions must feel to my daughter, on the planet only six years and with much less experience in seeing her feelings through to the other side. It’s up to us to show her that emotions are fluid, always in flux.

“It’s okay to feel sad,” Jesse says to me. “I feel sad, too.”

These are the same words I spoke to Opal when we were on the couch, the same compassionate tone. I sit up and stretch my arms high and to the sides, the sound of inner-movement like a soft rumble deep in the canals of my ears. Some life re-enters my bones.

Those words, “It’s okay to feel sad,” open a window in the tiny, claustrophobic room of emotion I am crouched in. And it isn’t so stifling anymore. This is what happens when I am mindful of not trying to manipulate, hide, or wrestle with my sadness. I can let it roam more freely until, naturally and eventually, it simply dissolves on the back of an unsuspecting outbreath.

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May 2, 2026