When we allow what is to simply be, we relieve ourselves of the suffering that can get heaped on top of our moments of difficulty. Frank Ostaseski leads this meditation to let curiosity lead the way.
A lot of times we use languages like enlightenment or liberation or awakening. These terms feel far off and distant to me, like we’re trying to achieve something supernatural or transformative in our lives. I think meditation practice is about learning to become intimate—intimate with ourselves, with every aspect of life. Then we can bring the healing power of loving awareness to what scares us, what’s sad for us, and what feels raw for us. I prefer the word intimacy because it expresses a wish to come closer—to know that we already belong, that we’re not separate.
To me, intimacy expresses what liberation actually feels like: relaxed, easeful, ordinary, in a way. Liberation isn’t found someplace else. It’s found right here. That’s why one teaching says the path is right beneath your feet. When we look into the mind’s conditioning, in a close and personal way, we begin to understand the ways that we cause ourselves suffering—and that’s the real freedom of meditation. It isn’t about helping us to transcend or get out of our experience. It’s about learning to know our experiences intimately.
When we look into the mind’s conditioning, in a close and personal way, we begin to understand the ways that we cause ourselves suffering—and that’s the real freedom of meditation.
To love the past is simply a memory, and to love the future is just a fantasy. The only place we can love, the only place we can really be aware, is right here, in this present moment. Intimacy connects us with each other with a deep sense of belonging. And with this belonging, we know that we’re not separate anymore. And this helps us to move beyond our small story of a limited sense of self.
Meditation, like love, is intimate, and this intimacy is the condition of deepest learning. Mindfulness and compassion are the least expensive, most available, and most appropriate tool we can use in just about every situation in our lives. But sadly, often they’re viewed as inappropriate or even shelved for some other time. And I think, as a result, a lot of us live and work in a great deal of fear and distress. And I think we can do something about that.
A 12-Minute Meditation to Let Curiosity Lead the Way
Let’s begin really simply: Just pause. A pause is an opportunity not to be swept away by the habit of our lives. A pause is an opportunity to remember who we actually are. A pause is a way of bringing our mind, heart, and body, collecting it all into the present moment. So let’s just pause. No hurry.
Now, relax. See how little effort is required just to hear the sound of my voice. Relaxing body, heart, and mind—mindfulness emerges much more easily in a relaxed mind, heart, and body. So, pause. And relax.
Now, open. A Characteristic of an open mind is spaciousness infused with interest. Open. You’ll be open for just a moment, liberating yourself from any limiting ideas about who you are and what you think is possible. Can your curiosity be greater than your criticality? Open. So, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open.
And now, allow. Allowing takes us beyond accepting and rejecting altogether—beyond hope and fear. Just rest in a moment of allowing. There’s no one special to be, nothing special to do, no place special to go. It’s resting in allowing, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. And allow.
And now, become intimate. This is a kind of communion with your experience, or willingness to enter the immediacy of your life. It’s a kind of fearless receptivity—a willingness to welcome everything and push away nothing—nothing between you and your experience: no subject and object; no I and other. Just intimacy. So, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. Allow. Become intimate.
When we feel anxious we become reactive and are more likely to oversimplify life through a narrow lens. Here are 7 mindfulness techniques to combat the negative political rhetoric.
Presidential elections in the past have been negative and hard fought, but the 2016 election was the first one in memory to have produced a recognized psychological condition. A therapist in suburban DC even coined a name for it—Election Stress Disorder—while a 2016 online survey from the American Psychological Association (APA) found that more than half of all Americans felt stressed about the election.
Now, two elections later, 77% of U.S. adults say that “the future of our nation” constitutes a significant source of stress in their lives, according to the APA’s 2024 Stress in America survey. Are there ways of dealing with an anxious electorate short of putting Valium in the water supply?
A collective effort to help each other lower our political anxiety is important for reasons that reach well beyond the day of the election. When people feel anxious they move into a reactive mode. Anxious people tend to be less flexible and less open to new experiences and points of view. They’re more likely to oversimplify what’s upsetting them and view life through a binary lens. In an election year that means voters will grab on to narrow, inflexible beliefs around issues and candidates as if they were life rafts: She’s smart but he’s not; he’s authentic but she’s inauthentic; they’ll run this country into the ground but we’ll build it up. Fear-based, constricted perspectives like these fuel the vitriol we see on TV and in social media.
When people feel anxious they move into a reactive mode. As a result anxious people tend to be less flexible and less open to new experiences and points of view. They’re more likely to oversimplify what’s upsetting them and view life through a binary lens.
Mindful Strategies to Ease Election Anxiety
Mindfulness techniques can help quiet our fear and anxiety, which allows the nervous system to settle down. Then our perspectives can broaden and we are more likely to look at the issues and candidates with an open mind. Major magazines and newspapers have been asking therapists to weigh in on this issue and it’s no surprise that many of them recommend mindfulness to turn this vicious cycle around. To cope with election-related angst experts suggest a few mindful practices like:
Basic Mindfulness Strategies to Quiet the Noise
Had someone told me a couple of decades ago that I should use mindfulness to ease my election worry I would have seen it as naïve at best. I was a pragmatic corporate lawyer just learning to meditate and I didn’t yet understand the importance of teaching people to view interpersonal experiences through the lens of the nervous system.
But the relentless negativity and divisive discourse of this election drives this point home, even to skeptics: We need to teach people basic strategies to quiet the noise in their heads so that we can actually listen to each other. Meditation can jumpstart the process but it’s not the only way to achieve this goal.
There are mindfulness-based strategies that beat back overwhelming emotions and broaden people’s perspectives that require no meditation at all. For example:
If someone makes you mad, think of three things the two of you have in common.
If something upsets you, remember there’s good in your life too and name three good things.
If you’re stressed by this election, remember this: In the end, too much worry can be a prison. It hijacks the mind and limits its bandwidth.
You can’t think as clearly or respond as flexibly when your mind is agitated as when it is calm. So what’s the key that will unlock the door? Look outside of yourself and towards the world. Get out there and do something. Read stories about people who inspire you. If you’ve got the time, volunteer. If you’re busy, help an elderly person cross the street. Connect and participate. But most important, vote!
Depression is a classic example of what’s referred to today as an invisible illness. When you’re depressed, you may find yourself expending precious energy just so you can appear to the world as if nothing at all is troubling you.
This “it’s-work-to-seem-fine” coping mechanism illustrates just one way in which depression complicates your life. Not only are you exhausting yourself pretending to be OK, you may find it hard to rally support from friends, family, and coworkers who only see how well you seem to be functioning.
While there is rapidly growing recognition of the very real difficulty and damage caused by depression, the stigma of past decades and centuries lingers. We often still hear the familiar notion that you can just “pull yourself together and get on with it,” as though keeping a “stiff upper lip” should be enough to defeat depression. But strong neurochemical, social, and environmental factors contribute to this very real, physical illness, and successful treatment requires more than maintaining an “upbeat attitude.”
Depression Is a Chameleon
Our ability to recognize and effectively treat depression—which 1 in 14 people will experience in their lifetime—is complicated by the fact that it manifests differently in everyone affected, according to the National Institutes of Health. Anything—your age, your gender, or the stage of your depression—can change what the illness looks like for you, meaning it’s not necessarily simple to get a diagnosis, or even recognize symptoms of depression, whether in yourself or in other people.
For women, depression is more likely to appear as sadness, worthlessness, and guilt. Hormonal and life cycle-related changes, as in postpartum depression, can make women more susceptible to developing the illness. In fact, women are statistically more likely than men to experience depression.
For men, depression often looks like exhaustion, irritability, and sleeping problems. They also lose interest in things they once enjoyed. Men are also more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol, experiment with reckless activity, or become intensely devoted to work in order to distract themselves from their illness.
For teens and tweens, depression can look like extended and severe periods of sulking, getting into trouble at school, prolonged irritability, and an intense feeling of being misunderstood.
These are by no means the only ways depression can appear. Some people experience short, intense periods of depression, while others feel it as an unmoving cloud over their awareness; for some, it’s linked to difficult life events, while for others it doesn’t go away even when their outward circumstances seem fine.
Should You Try Mindfulness for Depression?
Various treatment options for depression exist, including drug regimens and talk therapies. However, the jury continues to be out on how effective antidepressants are for treating depression. A comprehensive 2018 study conducted by an international research team examined 522 studies, including 116,477 patients, to learn about the effectiveness of 21 antidepressant medications. The researchers discovered that, although nearly all of the drugs were more effective than placebos, their effects were still “modest” in most cases.
Complicating treatment is the fact that depression is often a chronic condition that tends to relapse, even with medication and talk therapy. According to research, relapse rates range from 50% to as high as 80%.
Interestingly, when mindfulness is added to the standard depression treatment protocols, relapse rates decline. But it’s unlikely that simply practicing basic mindfulness meditation will ease your depression symptoms. In fact, such an attempt could be supremely unhelpful, notes Julienne Bower, PhD, professor of health psychology at UCLA.
She tells us that the research showing that mindfulness meditation improves symptoms of depression is, at best, vague. She also notes that it’s really hard to meditate on your own when you’re depressed.
Zindel Segal, PhD, concurs. The Distinguished Professor of Psychology in Mood Disorders at the University of Toronto, Dr. Segal has pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation for promoting wellness in the area of mood disorders. He was also one of the team who developed Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), a research-backed mindfulness protocol for depressive disorders.
Chronic Unhappiness?
“When we talk about depression, and where mindfulness is strong and less strong as a treatment, we have to know what type of depression you have,” says Segal.
“Don’t consider mindfulness a treatment when you’re dealing with acute depression,” he advises. Depression “shuts down your concentration and disrupts your executive network ability,” which makes practicing mindfulness difficult, says Dr. Segal. Instead, for acute depression, consider seeing a mental health professional for treatment with antidepressants, cognitive behavior therapy, or both. Mindfulness can bolster those treatments, but not replace them.
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, however, was specifically designed to help people who are depressed or chronically unhappy. MBCT is a therapeutic protocol that combines cognitive therapy, which helps people interrupt the disturbing behavior or thought patterns that interfere with their lives, with mindfulness practices that help you learn to develop a healthier relationship to unhelpful thought patterns.
“Our research looked at specific ways that MBCT helps people work with rumination and worry in ways that are more generous and compassionate,” says Dr. Segal. “This therapy helps you learn to ‘de-center’ and allows you to see your thoughts unfold moment to moment. It helps you to not listen to the messages that depression is sending you.”
How MBCT Helps
The goal of MBCT is to help you become familiar with the ways your mind and your thinking patterns contribute to depression, which helps you to develop a new relationship to your depression.
According to Dr. Segal, many people describe leaving the MBCT training with these two major insights:
1) Thoughts are not facts.
2) Depression is not me.
At first, these points may seem overly simplistic—but when we pay attention to how we are thinking and feeling, over time we become better at spotting the buildup of difficult emotions and thoughts. In that way, we can deal with them more skillfully, instead of just reacting in ways that might not be good for us.
“Mindfulness practices—focusing on the breath and body, as well as mindful movement and developing greater mindful attention to everyday activities—help us learn to recognize the feelings and patterns of thinking that cause unhappiness,” says Willem Kuyken, PhD, the Ritblat Professor of Mindfulness and Psychological Science at the University of Oxford. “We learn that thoughts are just thoughts. They are not facts, and we can choose whether to give them power over our minds and hearts. In time they can even help us savor and enjoy all the things that give us pleasure and a sense of accomplishment,” adds Kuyken.
When it comes to depression that relapses after treatment, he suggests that MBCT has proven to be particularly helpful, if you adhere to the program. The program consists of eight weeks of classes, as well as at-home practices you do on your own for about an hour a day. “Many people [with depression] are trying to turn around very long-standing and ingrained habits of thinking and behaving, and that will take time and effort,” says Dr. Kuyken. He notes that a recent study by Dr. Segal showed that the more a person practices MBCT over time, the greater the benefits for easing depression.
To find a therapist who has been trained and certified in practicing MBCT, visit accessmbct.com
If You Need Help
If you or someone you care for is having suicidal thoughts, these helplines in the US, Canada, and UK offer free, confidential prevention, crisis resources, and support 24/7/365.
US:Dial 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 988lifeline.org
Canada: Dial 988 to reach the Suicide Crisis Helpline. 988.ca
Sufficient sleep heals our bodies and minds, but for many reasons sleep doesn’t always come easily. Mindfulness practices and habits can help us fall asleep and stay asleep. Consult our guide to find tips for meditation, movement, and mindfulness practices to ease into sleep. Read More
The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted our work lives, particularly for women. As of January 2021, over 2.3 million women had left the workforce in the US during the pandemic, leaving only 57% of women working or looking for work—the lowest rate since 1988. The pandemic seems to be setting back many of the gains that those who identify as women have made in the workplace in the past several decades.
This hurts women, businesses, and society. According to a 2012 study of 1,500 companies, “female representation in top management leads to an increase of $42 million in firm value.” Female leaders seem to be particularly important for companies thriving on innovation. Notably, the more women occupy a company’s C-suite and corporate boards, the better its sustainability and corporate social responsibility initiatives.
One pathway toward creating a culture of diversity and belonging is to empower allies at work.
One pathway toward creating a culture of diversity and belonging is to empower allies at work. An ally is someone who is not a member of an underrepresented group but who holds a position of privilege and power and can advocate and take action to support that less represented group, without taking over their voice. Research suggests that when marginalized group members have coworker allies, they have increased job satisfaction, lower anxiety, and a stronger workplace commitment. As women make their way in a post-COVID work world, male allies can help advocate that their voices are heard and that commitments to equity and inclusion are taken seriously.
What Is Male Allyship?
To address bias against women at work, and have brave conversations about topics such as equal pay and equitable hiring and promotion, men who hold positions of power—normally white, cisgendered men—need to use their influence, knowledge, and resources to support folks who identify as women, people of color, and marginalized communities. Allyship is important in making sure that everyone is not only invited to the table but is also heard, acknowledged, and recognized for their contributions.
Being an ally is by no means easy. Would-be male allies may struggle to identify subtle forms of sexism or exclusion at work and fear backlash when they speak out. Research suggests that men may be unsure how to be an ally and have trouble navigating power dynamics at work. But a commitment to equity, as well as support from other men, can help motivate men to act as allies.
When men speak up on behalf of women, they’re more likely to be taken seriously by other men. As a result, women who have experienced sexism or oppression feel more confident and empowered. According to a new study, women who believe they have strong allies at work feel a greater sense of inclusion and more energy and enthusiasm on the job.
Below are some suggestions for how to be an ally to women, and how to create a broader workplace culture that welcomes allyship. These recommendations are based on my personal and professional observations and the countless interviews I conducted with folks on this topic while researching my new book Shine. I also share stories from several inspiring male allies (and friends) who I interviewed on this topic on my podcast.
9 Ways to Be a Male Ally
If you’re a man (and particularly if you hold a position of power) within an organization, and you recognize you can influence the work culture for the better, here are some best practices.
1) Declare yourself a male ally to yourself and your team.
Vince Guglielmetti, Intel’s vice president of the Americas general manufacturing operations, has publicly claimed to be a male ally with his leadership team and in direct reports. He sees himself as having a balance of masculine and feminine qualities. “I am my mother’s son,” he often says. Intel has a commitment to hire 40% women in technology fields by 2022/2023. Intel has created a framework that builds a pipeline for new hires, retains people, and promotes inclusive leadership.
2) Be mindful of your bias and embrace a growth mindset.
Brian McComak, who is a diversity and inclusion consultant with over 20 years of experience in human resources, sees allyship as grounded in the awareness of privilege.
“What the concept of male allyship does, in my mind, is centers an understanding of the experience of men and the privilege of men in our society. The key element of it is having an awareness of how that identity shapes how I get to experience the world and how I use that identity to make a difference,” says McComak.
Research suggests that teaching men to reflect on their privileges and encouraging awareness increases men’s sensitivity to and willingness to confront sexism.
3) Go to the source.
Ask women, nonbinary people, people of color, and other less dominant groups how you can help. Do they need sponsorship, mentorship? More learning opportunities? Something else? Ask how you can support them. For example, you might share your social capital through information and knowledge, or your influence through organizational resources, invitations, and introductions.
In his role as an ally, Guglielmetti is straightforward, asking women, people of color, and LGBTQIA+ people, “I know you need my voice. How can I be your voice?”
4) Cultivate supportive partnerships with women and less dominant groups.
“I think of [male allyship] as the lifelong process of building relationships based on trust, consistency, and accountability with marginalized people,” says Willie Jackson, head of learning and development at ReadySet, a consulting firm specializing in making more equitable, diverse, and inclusive work environments.
Over time, relationships like this allow you to gain an understanding of perspectives, life experiences, and identities that are different from your own.
5) Speak up and “call in” other people if you see them abusing their power with others.
As an ally, you can hold conscious or unconscious acts of hurt, exclusion, or harm accountable, also known as microaggressions. Stating what you see happening and taking just action are key to change. Silence is complicity and only perpetuates the cycle.
For example, Guglielmetti challenges and speaks directly to microaggressions and recruits other male leaders to take on male allyship roles and lend their voices to disenfranchised minorities. Research suggests that allyship is more empowering for women when men act out of a belief in equity, rather than the paternalistic idea that men should protect women.
6) Step back so others can step forward.
Kyle Grubman is a principal learning and development partner at LinkedIn. When he is asked to work on a project or has the opportunity to volunteer, he considers whether saying no to the opportunity might allow someone else to take it on, someone who wouldn’t normally get asked.
Similarly, when Jackson is asked to speak at an event, he sometimes suggests women to speak in his place. He also tries to “take up less space” in meetings, speaking less and welcoming more women’s perspectives.
7) Model different ways of being.
Instead of conforming to masculine norms in the workplace, where people are expected to be aggressive and unemotional, Jackson tries to show up with more gentleness, empathy, and vulnerability at work, which hopefully allows women and other folks to do the same. “That gives them permission to do so as well, and subconsciously signals that they don’t need to perform or show up in a particular way in order to engage with me, in order to seem credible,” he says.
8) Be mindful of the way you communicate.
Realizing the ways that bias can creep into language and conversations, Jackson acknowledges the potential impact of his words and tries to invite discussion and feedback. Before expressing an opinion, for example, he might say, “Not to mansplain this, or you might know this better than I do…”
In his role as a leader, McComak acknowledges his fallibility and invites feedback from his teammates. “I want to be respectful. I want to be encouraging. I want to be supportive. And I also know that I’m going to get it wrong sometimes,” he says. So he tells his team: “I want to be open to hearing what you need to help me understand or see differently. And if I got something wrong, then I will apologize for it. . . You have that permission to challenge me, and I’m really grateful.”
9) Understand the impact your words or actions have caused in the past, take responsibility for them, and course-correct.
Grubman acknowledges that it can be difficult to work hard at being an ally and then receive feedback that your words or actions have hurt others. For example, at a workshop he organized where he actively tried to celebrate stories of all genders, he was told that the many sports analogies he used made it feel less inclusive. “It’s hard to sit with that feedback, but I know it’s good for me and I know it reveals blind spots,” he says. “It makes me better in the long run.”
How anyone can encourage male allyship at work
When we raise our expectations on matters of inclusion, we can have deeper conversations on this essential aspect of workplace culture. No matter your gender, here are some structural ways to encourage male allyship at your workplace:
Encourage and facilitate more positive professional interactions among men, women, and nonbinary people. Research suggests that the more positive interactions men have with women in workplace settings, the less prejudice and exclusion they tend to demonstrate.
Invite men to attend discussions and events around gender equity in the workplace. This will make efforts to increase inclusion, diversity, and belonging more successful.
Give men an important role to play in gender parity efforts. The motivation for this role can be tied to personal examples and a sense of fairness and justice. Many men want to support women, different races, and other less dominant groups, but don’t know how to step in and offer aid. This requires all people to ask men for what they need.
Create a male allies group at work to understand, identify, and incorporate gender-supportive behaviors on the job and elsewhere. This can also be a space for men to gain encouragement and community from other male allies.
Personally, I have learned the benefit of asking male leaders and mentors for sponsorship and mentorship in my life. I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t had the courage to ask for the support of male allies.
To encourage the momentum of male allies, we can also acknowledge the men in our lives who have sponsored, mentored, and supported us in different ways. One simple way to do this is to reach out to these people to show your appreciation. We can also encourage men to challenge other men to be better: to be advocates for women, people of color, marginalized identities, and LGBTQ+ folks. We can encourage men to be vulnerable and showcase all of their emotions—sadness, anger, fear—by creating a culture that embraces a social contract of nonjudgment, psychological safety, and kindness. In this way, we can support a more wholesome version of manhood and of being human.
This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.
The same mindfulness practices that transform problematic habits and thought patterns can help us tune in to the subtle ways that society cultivates barriers and “draws us to reinvest in segregation,” says mindful law expert Rhonda Magee. Read More
Mindful editor-in-chief Barry Boyce talks with writer and editor Stephanie Domet about how mindfulness helps us deepen our caring not only for ourselves, but also for others, no matter how different from us they may seem. And, we meet the Mindful Vulgarian, and talk a little about MOMing, also known as Mouthing off Mindfully. Read More
How a deep mindfulness practice helped Jessica Morey loosen the reins at Inward Bound Mindfulness Education, and empower the organization to adopt a new way to work. Read More
This week, Anu Gupta leads us through a detailed body scan, guiding us to relax, release, and shift our energy back to the present moment, coming back from any distracting thoughts and worries.
Here and now, we can return to our breath. Take this time to feel wonder and gratitude for every part of your physical body, from head to toe, just the way you are today. Relax and release. With this practice, you’ll cultivate a sense of grounding and openness as you let this energy of relaxation soothe your whole body.
Come to a comfortable seated position. As much as you can without creating tension, keep your spine long, feet planted on the ground, hands resting on your knees. Relax your shoulders, neck, and jaw, opening up your chest. Bring your eyes to a gentle close or place your gaze at a stationary point in front of you.
Bring your attention to your forehead. Do you notice any sensations in the forehead? Perhaps some holding, some tightness. See if you can relax and release. Consciously repeat those phrases: Relax. Release.
Now bring your attention to your jaw and your tongue. This is often a place we collect a lot of tension, a lot of tightness. So see if you can relax and release.
If the mind has begun to drift again, notice what it’s doing. Perhaps it’s thinking, or planning. Whatever it is, it’s just a habit. See if you can bring your awareness back to your jaw. This is the practice that we’re developing, the practice of returning to the present moment and bringing mindfulness to our body. Relax, release.
Now move your attention to your chest, releasing any holding. Feel a sense of expansion and openness. Relax. Release. Come down to your belly, noticing the expansion of the belly out on your inhales and the way it comes back in on your exhales. See if you can relax and release, refocusing your attention on your body in the now.
Now bring your attention to your arms. Your left arm. Your right arm. Your left hand. Your right hand. Notice if there’s any holding there. Notice the sensations of holding. Perhaps a tightness, some tingling. Be with your mind, and see if you can loosen, relax, release. We have the most nerve endings here, so often we feel a “doing” energy in our hands. But in this moment, we have nowhere to be, nowhere to go. Nothing to do, but just being aware, being mindful of what’s always here: our bodies. Relax. Release.
Bring your attention to your legs. Your thighs. Your knees. Notice any holding, any tension. Move down to your feet. Your left foot. Your right foot. Notice any contraction, any tension there. Gently focus on surrendering, releasing all that energy. Relax. Release.
Now take that energy of relaxation to all other parts of your body. See if there’s any other body part that’s holding some tension, some tightness. Right now, there is nowhere to go, no place to be but here. Savor the ease and openness of being here in your body.
Now bring your attention to your skin, the largest organ in our body. Notice what the skin feels like, this covering that really keeps the entirety of our body together. It regulates our body temperature, maintains homeostasis. In this moment, you’re just feeling the skin across your face, your scalp, your torso, your chest, your arms, your legs. Notice any sensations. What do they feel like? There’s no need to change them, just observe them.
You can bring this energy of release of relaxation to your body any time you notice holding or tension. This is the practice we’re cultivating, the practice of mindfulness. Notice if the mind has drifted. What is it doing? And see if you can bring it back to your body. Just for these last few moments, take these last few seconds to savor the openness you may feel in your body. This is available to you at any time, anywhere. By bringing awareness to your inner experience and to your body, you’ll be better able to make decisions that align with your purpose and values.
After your next exhale, bring your chin to your chest. If your eyes were closed, gently open them. Thank you for practicing today. Have a wonderful day ahead.
Meditation practice often feels like something to get through, something good for us, like medicine. But as we become more familiar with practicing mindfulness, we can begin to enjoy it as an opportunity to simply be—to inhabit our body and focus the mind on being wherever we are, without having to do anything in particular.
Obviously there’s nothing wrong with “doing” things—we have to do things. Doing things is great, but doing things is also challenging. Having some time when we can just be is refreshing.
No question that simply being is equally aschallenging because some scary thoughts might crop up. But as we become more familiar with the process, we realize we can focus the mind and we don’t have to fully engage those thoughts or get caught up in them.
If it’s a particularly painful time, the meditation practice will be about being with that pain. We can allow it to be a bit “discontinuous,” that is, we see little gaps in the pain where bits of relaxation, and joy even, can poke through.
So, in this longer meditation practice, let’s take the time to enjoy being here.
A Guided Meditation to Focus the Mind
12 Minute Meditation: A Meditation to Focus the Mindwith Barry Boyce
The first place to start is with spending a short period of time, in a relaxed way, on the posture. We begin with our seat. The point about our seat and our legs is just to have a base, to be supported. Nothing special about it.
If you’re on a chair: bottoms of the feet are touching the ground.
If you’re on a cushion: Legs can be simply crossed in front of you or they could be in a lotus posture or half-lotus posture.
The upper body is upright but not stiff.
Our hands can rest on our thighs in front of us with our upper arms parallel to our upper body.
Our eyescan be open or closed, and our gaze is slightly down. Just a slight feeling of humbleness about that. And with the gaze down we’re slightly focussed inward. Our mouth can be just slightly open or closed.
That’s a practice in itself: just taking the time, taking the luxury, to establish our posture. If you have various bodily issues you just need to make adjustments for those.
That’s a practice in itself: just taking the time, taking the luxury, to establish our posture
2. Now, simply pay attention to your breathing. Now we pay attention to the breath as it comes in and goes out. The nice thing about the breath is that it’s reliable. It’s always going to be there if we’re alive. Sharon Salzberg talks about the importance of faith, and many people talk about trust. It’s a very simple type of faith or trust that something is going to continue to be there. As you find yourself lost in thought and you notice that because you have trust in the breath, you know that it will be there when you bounce off that thought and come back to the breath.
3. Pay attention to body and breath together. As we come back to and notice our breath, we’re also noticing our body, so it’s a kind of a whole body experience, resting our attention on the breath. We can also feel the temperature in the room and appreciate our ability to sense the world—that we are a sensory mechanism. The world touches us. We have an interplay going on with the world. That’s something we can appreciate. Pleasure and pain come from that sensing of the world.
4. For a little while, practice returning to the breath when the mind wanders. We’re taking time to simply be present and to develop presence. Presence meaning: able to be present for whatever comes up—up or down, could be very intense thoughts. How did the world begin. Why are we still driving so many cars? Who invented the car anyway? How do cars work? Can be cognitive, random thoughts like that. Or, could be intense emotional thoughts. Emotional thoughts carry with them a lot of “color,” and a lot of energy, and a lot of feeling of movement in the body: “I hate that,” ” love that,”—lots feeling tone to those thoughts. They can be persistent. They keep coming up, no matter how many times we go back to the breath. Or, thoughts could be just about simple sensation it’s an itch in your toe.
5. Mindfulness is an equal opportunity process: whatever comes up, we just notice it and come back. If it comes up again in another shape or form, you know to sit and come back. There’s a certain amount of simplicity and dullness about that, but over time that dullness becomes natural relaxation. There’s a feeling of strength that comes from being able to be present with whatever arises and not being so inclined to run from it.
6. Some people like to use the slogan “The present is pleasant,” but that’s not really true, necessarily. The present can contain whatever is present in that moment. If a family member has just died, it’s not going to be particularly pleasant. Taking a moment to meditate and focus the mind will be about being with that, not trying to create a pleasant experience for yourself. Usually, we’re trying to get something out of an experience. In this case, paradoxically, we are just trying to be with, rather than trying to get something out of it.
7. As we notice thoughts again and again in meditation practice, the thoughts begin to have less solid substance to them. They can feel less like something we have to fight with. We can have an appreciation that they are not facts, they’re just formulations that emerge in the mind and that beneath them is some kind of presence and awareness that continues, whatever thoughts may arise and dwell for a while and then go.
This week, Carley Hauck guides us to embrace all parts of ourselves—what isn’t serving us, as well as what we see as our positive attributes.
Carley Hauck guides us to embrace all parts of ourselves—those qualities we see as our “shadow,” or what isn’t serving us, as well as the light, or what we see as our positive attributes. Especially as leaders (including any person who shows leadership in their life), working with both our “dark” and “light” parts allows us to shine our full potential out into the world.
If you feel like it’s often too difficult or painful to acknowledge some aspects of who you are, this is a powerful practice for developing greater self-acceptance and self-love. As Carley reminds us, “The more you acknowledge the shadow, the more you will integrate and embrace it.” In this meditation, we’ll use a visualization technique, along with movement and sound, to support us in truly embracing every aspect of who we are.
A Guided Meditation to Embrace All Your Parts
Find a space where you can be quiet for several minutes. Take a few deep breaths in and out of your belly. Breathing in, allowing the belly to rise. Breathing out, allowing the belly to fall.
When you are relaxed, imagine yourself standing in the center of a circle of supportive people: Your family, friends, colleagues, pets, or guides. Close your eyes and soak up the feelings of love and acceptance.
Now acknowledge one or two parts of yourself that you struggle with or have disowned—perhaps your impatience, arrogance, shyness, fear of being unlovable. Anything you have a little shame around. These are the dark parts of you are the shadow.
Just a side note to say: we all have shadow aspects of our personalities. An easy way to identify your dark parts is to bring to mind a person in your life who triggers you. What do you not like about them? What do you struggle with when you’re with them? What is the trait or quality that is challenging about this person? For example, you might have a colleague who always turns in their reports late. And this elicits feelings of anger or discomfort. You feel the judgment about their lack of accountability. Now turn the mirror towards yourself and ask: In what ways am I like this? Or in the example above, you could ask, In what ways am I not accountable? When you see this behavior in yourself, you will likely feel discomfort in your body, or even a feeling of ouch.
I invite you to be with all that arises with a loving awareness. Wherever you look and whatever is brought into presence, shine love and awareness there. Take a few minutes to invite it in. And allow these dark parts, acknowledging them one by one, aloud or silently with love and presence. Try saying, I can be selfish, I can be arrogant, I can be impatient. The more you acknowledge the shadow, the more you will integrate and embrace it.
The truth is that leaders need all of our parts to shine our greatest light and potential in the world. Take another round of deep breaths in and deep breaths out.
Now let’s move to the light parts. These are the qualities you identify in yourself as positives or strengths. Say the list out loud or silently for a few minutes as mantras. For example: I am strong. I am smart. I am compassionate. I am resilient. Invite these parts into your awareness with love and presence. Allow all of these parts to be seen and embraced by your circle of supportive beings.
As you acknowledge each of these life parts, you can also invite in the dark. This is how we integrate and bring forward our whole self to work in the world. You can further support this integration by chanting one of these loving mantras: I embrace all of you. I love and accept all of you. I choose all of me. I am loving awareness.
As you repeat the mantra and notice how you feel in your mind, heart and body. Repeat your favorite mantras, especially when you aren’t being compassionate or kind to yourself, until you truly believe the message. Our thoughts become our beliefs. And they become patterns in our neural networks and our minds.
A profound way to bring your whole self to work and into daily life is to get into your body. For this exercise, you might choose to play with the movement piece and notice what kind of motion helps you embody the polarity of your dark and light parts. Try different stances, postures, gestures, or vocal sounds. The movements and sounds can then be integrated into your outer game of leadership by how you walk and talk and show up in the world.
Remember that developing any new pattern requires patience, practice, and persistence. But if you do this, you will be able to shine your greatest light. Thank you for your practice today.
Paying attention to the gentle, natural flow of our breath can help us witness the chatter of the mind without judgment.
By becoming more aware of our inhales and exhales, we gradually bring calm to our mind and our nervous system. We’re giving ourselves permission to slow down for a few minutes. And as we breathe, we can also witness the active chatter of our mind without being swept away, and the thoughts about the past or worries about the future.
Mindfulness practice reveals how our thoughts and emotions are constantly changing, and this simple, relaxing meditation gives us a chance to release expectations and judgments. A state of mind awareness is strengthened each time we notice the mind wandering and choose to come back to the sensations of the breath moving in and out of our body.
A Guided Meditation to Slow Your Breathing and Your Mind
First, get yourself ready. You can sit in a comfortable position, in a chair, on a traditional meditation cushion, or on the floor. If you’re sitting, try to sit up tall, working for that dignified spine. Or, maybe you want to take this lying down.
Let’s start by finding our breath. Empty the breath all the way out, and let it go. Then take a big breath into your belly, then let it go out the mouth nice and easy. Keep breathing like this: really big inhales, slow the breath out. See if you can deepen the breath on each round.
Become aware of the flow of the breath. Instead of thinking about your breathing, just be curious about it. Curiosity is so nice, because you can step back and just observe the sensations of the breath, allowing it to help slow things down.
Bring a hand onto your belly, or maybe both hands onto your belly, or right hand in your belly, left hand on your chest. Use the hands to feel more of that breath flowing in and out and focusing just on the simple flow of the breath. By deepening this breath and becoming more aware of the breath, we naturally begin to slow our neurological processes down. We begin to naturally slow the biology down, the heart rate, the blood pressure. We begin to naturally, cognitively slow down the mind.
Now, let the breath rest in its natural state. It doesn’t have to be as big as the first few minutes. Using the breath as the focusing tool, stay with the flow of the breath as it inflates and then expands the belly and also deflates and contracts the belly. If you’re only breathing into your chest at this point, try to invite the breath down deep into the belly. It’s okay if you’re not breathing this way right now, but just be with the breath as it is, where it is, and be aware without judgment.
By focusing in this way, you’re going to be able to see the cleverness of the mind, trying to pull you somewhere into the future or drag you into the past. Notice that you’re thinking. You can even label it: That’s thinking. Then come back to the awareness, the simple awareness of your breath as it fills and spills. Be with the mind and the body as they are. The mind is made to be distracted. It always has a sense of alertness to it, but we don’t have to attach to the mind.
Be curious with the subtleties of each passing breath. Be aware emotionally, as well. Are you beating yourself up when you get attached to a thought? Or swept up in an emotion? Just let that go, too, and come back to the breath.
Notice, too, where you are holding expectations, and gently let them go. Maybe you came to your practice with the sense of, Oh, I should feel more peaceful right now. I should be experiencing this. I was hoping today that my meditation would yield this. Let it all go. No expectations, no attachment. Being with things as they are inside and outside: inside, just following the breath as it is; outside, letting the world around you be as it is.
Remember, it doesn’t matter if you need to come back 1,000 times to one breath. That’s the practice. It’s not about getting it right or being perfect. It’s about showing up, doing the best you can with where you are physically, mentally, and emotionally in this moment.
Take a moment and thank yourself for taking the time today to honor your practice and honor your commitment to this course. Thank you for practicing. We’ll see you back here again tomorrow. Have a fantastic day. Way to show up.
Never Miss a Meditation
Enter your email below to get new podcast episodes delivered straight to your inbox! You’ll also get insights from expert mindfulness teachers and exclusive deals on Mindful Shop products, events, and more.
How often have you rushed out the door and into your day without even thinking about how you’d like things to go? Before you know it, something or someone has rubbed you the wrong way, and you’ve reacted automatically with frustration, impatience, or rage—in other words, you’ve found yourself acting in a way you never intended.
You don’t have to be stuck in these patterns. Pausing to practice mindfulness for just a few minutes at different times during the day can help your days be better, more in line with how you’d like them to be.
Explore these five simple mindfulness practices for daily life:
Marta Locklear/Stocksy
1) Mindful Wakeup: Start with a Purpose
Intention refers to the underlying motivation for everything we think, say, or do. From the brain’s perspective, when we act in unintended ways, there’s a disconnect between the faster, unconscious impulses of the lower brain centers and the slower, conscious, wiser abilities of the higher centers like the pre-frontal cortex.
Given that the unconscious brain is in charge of most of our decision-making and behaviors, this practice can help you align your conscious thinking with a primal emotional drive that the lower centers care about. Beyond safety, these include motivations like reward, connection, purpose, self-identity and core values.
Setting an intention—keeping those primal motivations in mind—helps strengthen this connection between the lower and higher centers. Doing so can change your day, making it more likely that your words, actions and responses— especially during moments of difficulty—will be more mindful and compassionate.
This mindfulness exercise is best done first thing in the morning, before checking phones or email.
1. On waking, sit in your bed or a chair in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and connect with the sensations of your seated body. Make sure your spine is straight, but not rigid.
2. Take three long, deep, nourishing breaths—breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Then let your breath settle into its own rhythm, as you simply follow it in and out, noticing the rise and fall of your chest and belly as you breathe. If you find that you have a wandering mind or negative thoughts, simply return to the breath.
3. Ask yourself: “What is my intention for today?” Use these prompts to help answer that question, as you think about the people and activities you will face. Ask yourself:
How might I show up today to have the best impact?
What quality of mind do I want to strengthen and develop?
What do I need to take better care of myself?
During difficult moments, how might I be more compassionate to others and myself?
How might I feel more connected and fulfilled?
4. Set your intention for the day. For example, “Today, I will be kind to myself; be patient with others; give generously; stay grounded; persevere; have fun; eat well,” or anything else you feel is important.
5. Throughout the day, check in with yourself. Pause, take a breath, and revisit your intention. Simply observe, as you become more and more conscious of your intentions for each day, how the quality of your communications, relationships, and mood shifts.
PlainPicture/Lubitz+Dorner
2) Mindful Eating: Enjoy Every Mouthful
It’s easy enough to reduce eating to a sensation of bite, chew, and swallow. Who hasn’t eaten a plateful of food without noticing what they’re doing? Yet eating is one of the most pleasurable experiences we engage in as human beings, and doing it mindfully can turn eating into a far richer experience, satisfying not just the need for nutrition, but more subtle senses and needs. When we bring our full attention to our bodies and what we are truly hungry for, we can nourish all our hungers. Try this:
1. Breathe before eating. We often move from one task right to the other without pausing or taking a breath. By pausing, we slow down and allow for a more calm transition to our meals. Bring your attention inward by closing your eyes, and begin to breathe slowly in and out of your belly for eight to 10 deep breaths before you start your meal.
2. Listen to your body. After breathing, bring your awareness to the physical sensations in your belly. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being that you don’t feel any physical sensation of hunger and 10 being that you feel very hungry, ask yourself “How hungry am I?” Pay attention to what bodily sensations tell you that you are hungry or not hungry (emptiness in stomach, shakiness, no desire to eat, stomach growling, etc.). Try not to think about when you last ate or what time it is, and really listen to your body, not your thoughts.
3. Eat according to your hunger. Now that you are more in touch with how hungry you are, you can more mindfully choose what to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat. This simple practice of self awareness can help you tune in to your real needs.
4. Practice peaceful eating. At your next meal, slow down and continue to breathe deeply as you eat. It’s not easy to digest or savor your food if you aren’t relaxed.
5. If you don’t love it, don’t eat it. Take your first three bites mindfully, experience the taste, flavors, textures, and how much enjoyment you are receiving from a certain food. Make a mindful choice about what to eat based on what you really enjoy.
PlainPicture/Mira
3) Mindful Pause: Rewire Your Brain
It’s estimated that 95% of our behavior runs on autopilot—something I call “fast brain.” That’s because neural networks underlie all of our habits, reducing our millions of sensory inputs per second into manageable shortcuts so we can function in this crazy world. These default brain signals are like signaling superhighways, so efficient that they often cause us to relapse into old behaviors before we remember what we meant to do instead.
Mindfulness is the exact opposite of these processes; it’s slow brain. It’s executive control rather than autopilot, and enables intentional actions, willpower, and decisions. But that takes some practice. The more we activate the slow brain, the stronger it gets. Every time we do something deliberate and new, we stimulate neuroplasticity, activating our grey matter, which is full of newly sprouted neurons that have not yet been groomed for the fast brain.
But here’s the problem. While my slow brain knows what is best for me, my fast brain is causing me to shortcut my way through life. So how can we trigger ourselves to be mindful when we need it most? This is where the notion of “behavior design” comes in. It’s a way to put your slow brain in the driver’s seat. There are two ways to do that—first, slowing down the fast brain by putting obstacles in its way, and second, removing obstacles in the path of the slow brain, so it can gain control.
Shifting the balance to give your slow brain more power takes some work, though. Here are some ways to get started and cultivate more mindfulness.
1. Trip over what you want to do. If you intend to do some yoga or to meditate, put your yoga mat or your meditation cushion in the middle of your floor so you can’t miss it as you walk by.
2. Refresh your triggers regularly. Say you decide to use sticky notes to remind yourself of a new intention. That might work for about a week, but then your fast brain and old habits take over again. Try writing new notes to yourself; add variety or make them funny so they stick with you longer.
3. Create new patterns. You could try a series of “If this, then that” messages to create easy reminders to shift into slow brain. For instance, you might come up with, “If office door, then deep breath,” as a way to shift into mindfulness as you are about to start your workday. Or, “If phone rings, take a breath before answering.” Each intentional action to shift into mindfulness will strengthen your slow brain.
Female athlete tying her shoes. Shot from above in sunset light. Shot in 50 megapixel resolution.
4) Mindful Workout: Activate Your Mind and Your Muscles
Riding a bike, lifting weights, sweating it out on a treadmill—what do such exercises have in common? For one thing, each can be a mindfulness practice. Whatever the physical activity—dancing the Tango, taking a swim—instead of simply working out to burn calories, master a skill, or improve condition, you can move and breathe in a way that not only gets your blood pumping and invigorates every cell in your body, but also shifts you from feeling busy and distracted to feeling strong and capable.
Ready? The following steps, good for any activity, will help you synchronize body, mind, and nervous system. As you do, you will strengthen your capacity to bring all of your energy to the task at hand and reduce stress.
1. Be clear about your aim. As you tie your laces or pull on your gardening gloves, bring purpose to your activity by consciously envisioning how you want your guide your session. As you climb on your bike you might say, “I am going to breathe deeply and notice the sensation of the breeze and the sun and the passing scenery.” As you enter the pool, you might say, “I’m going to pay attention to each stroke, and the sound and feel of the water surrounding me.”
2. Warm up (5 minutes). Try any simple moves—jumping jacks, stretching—and concentrate on matching the rhythm of your breath to your movement. By moving rhythmically in this quick exercise, your brain activity, heart rate, and nervous system begin to align and stabilize.
3. Settle into a rhythm (10 to 15 minutes). Pick up the intensity, but continue to coordinate your breath and movement. If you have trouble doing this, then simply focus on your breathing for a few minutes. Eventually you’ll find your groove.
4. Challenge yourself (10 to 15 minutes). Try faster speed, more repetitions, or heavier weights, depending on what you are doing. Notice how alert and alive you feel when pushing yourself.
5. Cool down (5 minutes). Steadily slow down your pace until you come to a standstill. Notice the way your body feels. Drink in your surroundings.
6. Rest (5 minutes). Quietly recognize the symphony of sensations flowing in and around you. Practice naming what you feel and sense. Chances are you’ll feel awake and alive from head to toe.
Plainpicture/Johner/Peter Carlsson
5) Mindful Driving: Drive Yourself Calm, Not Crazy
There’s nothing like heavy traffic and impatient drivers to trigger the “fight or flight” response. That’s why road rage erupts and stress levels soar, while reason is overrun. The worse the traffic, the worse the stress. Los Angeles, where I live, has some of the worst traffic around, and some of the most unserene drivers. Emotions run high, tempers flare, tires squeal.
But it doesn’t have to be like that. In fact, the snarliest traffic jam can provide an excellent opportunity to build your mindfulness muscle, increase your sense of connection to others, and restore some balance and perspective.
Here are the steps to a simple behind-the-wheel practice I’ve been doing for a while. I’ve found it can work wonders.
1. First, take a deep breath. This simple, yet profound advice helps bring more oxygen into your body and widens the space between the stimulus of the traffic and your heightened stress reaction. In this space lies perspective and choice.
2. Ask yourself what you need. It may be in that moment that you need to feel safe, at ease or you just need some relief. Understanding what you need will bring balance.
3. Give yourself what you need. If ease is what you need, you can scan your body for any tension (not a bad thing to do while driving in any case) and soften any tension or adjust your body as needed. You can sprinkle in some phrases of self-compassion, such as, “May I be at ease, may I feel safe, may I be happy.” If your mind wanders, simply come back to the practice.
4. Look around and recognize that all the other drivers are just like you. Everyone on the road wants the same thing you do—to feel safe, have a sense of ease, and to be happy. Chances are you’ll see a number of fellow drivers who look a bit agitated, but you might also catch that one who is singing or actually smiling, and this will dissipate some of your own stress immediately. You can apply to all of them what you just offered to yourself, saying, “May you be at ease, may you feel safe, may you be happy.”
5. Take another deep breath. In 15 seconds or less, you can turn around your mood by applying these simple tips. When you feel the frustration of traffic rising, choose whatever you need to work on, and offer that condition to others. If you need to feel safe, say, “May I be safe, may you be safe, may we all be safe.” Breathe in, breathe out, you’ve sowed a seed of happiness.
Gently let go of attachment to your thoughts with a technique called “cognitive defusion” from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
In this practice, you’ll explore how to allow your thoughts to come and go without feeling the need to hold onto them or push them away. This technique, called “cognitive defusion,” is part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and it uses the visualization of thoughts as clouds to guide you through this process in a soothing and mindful way.
A Guided Meditation to Visualize Your Thoughts As Clouds In the Sky
You can do this exercise with your eyes open or your eyes closed, either in a seated position or lying down. Just choose a posture that’s most comfortable for you.
Take a couple of gentle, long breaths. Let your breath ground you in your body and in the present moment.
Notice yourself sitting or lying here. Notice the sensations that are on your skin. Notice what it’s like inside your body—any places of tension are holding, any emotions that might be present for you right now.
Now, imagine that you are lying in a vast, spacious field, looking up at the sky. Imagine what it would feel like to lie here, letting yourself sink into the ground below. Bring your attention and your awareness to looking up at the sky, being present in the field, watching the clouds.
As you lie here, you may begin to notice that thoughts come into your awareness. Each time you notice the thought, imagine placing it on one of the clouds, and letting it float on by in the sky. You can place your thoughts on these clouds, whether they’re positive thoughts or negative thoughts, pleasant thoughts or unpleasant thoughts. Your job is just to be aware of the sky, noticing the clouds.
If there is space between your thoughts, notice that space as you would notice the space between the clouds, like the blue sky that lies behind it all.
You might have thoughts about doing this exercise. You might think something like This is boring or It’s not working or I don’t like this or When is it going to end? That’s normal, and you can place those thoughts on clouds as well, allowing them to pass on through.
If a thought gets stuck, you don’t have to force it to go away. You can allow it to be stuck there. Make space for it. Let it settle on its cloud. Let it hang around, for a little while. All you’re doing is just observing your experience. There’s no need to force the thought to go away.
If you notice some feelings like boredom or impatience, that’s okay. You can say to yourself, Here is a feeling of boredom. Here is a feeling of impatience. And you can pick it up and put it on a cloud as well.
It’s normal and natural to lose track during this exercise. When that happens, just catch yourself and bring yourself back to lying in this field, looking up at the sky and placing thoughts. You are becoming an observer of your own mind. You are not your thought. Thoughts are coming and going like the clouds in the sky. Some are slow. Some are fast. And you are observing it all.
Now, allow the image to begin to dissolve. Bring your awareness back into your body, feeling your breath inside your body. Notice sensations on your skin, the temperature of the air, your body touching the ground. Feel yourself fully present back in your body.
When you’re ready, open your eyes and you can bring yourself fully back into the room. Thank you for practicing with me. I hope that you can bring this practice into your day to day and that it’s helpful for you.
