Category: Mental Health

  • 3 Gift-Giving Tips to Shift From Holiday Fear to Holiday Cheer

    3 Gift-Giving Tips to Shift From Holiday Fear to Holiday Cheer

    Selecting, buying, and giving gifts to people we care about is one of the most important aspects of many holiday celebrations. But here’s the open secret of this holiday season: For many of us, trying to find the “perfect” gift is an exercise in frustration and uncertainty.

    This time of year comes with oodles of pressure to get our shopping done in time for all manner of holiday gatherings. At its worst, we can unintentionally get caught up in a kind of competitive gift-giving, hell-bent on outdoing or out-spending everyone else (#festive?!). On the other hand, we may decide to opt out entirely in the name of anti-consumerism—and forgo the potential delight of these gifting rituals our ancestors dreamed up and passed down.

    So how do we find a balance? How can we truly relish this season of generosity? Here are three gift-giving tips, based on mindful qualities that help reduce stress and add to the joy.

    3 Gift-Giving Tips for a More Mindful Holiday Season

    1. Enhance Empathy: When it comes to figuring out what to buy for that hard-to-buy-for person—we all know one!—an empathic approach may help. According to Greater Good Magazine editor and writer Jill Suttie, parts of our brain have evolved “to enable emotional connection with others and the motivation to care,” and we can cultivate empathy through tiny, intentional shifts in daily life.

    These days, the word empathy is often associated with feeling others’ pain or difficult emotions like our own. Yet in its broader, evolutionary form, empathy helps us understand different perspectives—to take a little walk in someone else’s shoes. This not only leads us toward other helpful qualities such as loving-kindness, it also gives us a break from our more self-focused motivations (“I don’t want to be the only one showing up to the party without gifts!” or “I’m worried someone will think badly of me if I give the wrong thing”).

    2. Offer Appreciation: Consciously thinking about the reasons you appreciate someone is another great way to shift into a more relaxed, flexible mindset around gift-giving. What’s one quality, talent, or goal this person possesses that you admire about them: Their sense of humor? Their love of learning? The ways they support their community? Their courageous attempts to veganize French cuisine? Again, this makes the process less about you and more about your relationship to the recipient. 

    A mindful approach to gifting places less emphasis on the price tag or the “wow” factor and instead draws on a sense of connection and thoughtfulness.

    A mindful approach to gifting also places less emphasis on the price tag or the “wow” factor and instead draws on a sense of connection and thoughtfulness. As Mike Rucker writes, “A gift tends to be more beneficial when it is in true alignment with the recipient’s identity and values.” We don’t have to empty the bank account in order to show someone that they’re important to us.

    3. Nurture Self-Compassion: Anyone who has ever wandered the mall (or scrolled through online stores) for hours on end knows that overthinking is the enemy of a happy holiday. Mental habits like second-guessing, demanding perfection, or thinking up worst-case scenarios can take us from overthinking to full-blown anxiety. Choosing to be kind to ourselves can take the edge off some of that tension and overthinking. 

    “Mindfulness can become an ally, fostering a compassionate relationship with our thoughts and allowing mental clarity,” writes Ashley Fletcher. If you tend to overthink your gift-shopping (or anything else), take a deep breath, acknowledge that things are tough right now, and perhaps offer yourself some grace, the same way you’d support a stressed-out friend.

    However you relate to traditions of gift-giving, this season is a fruitful time to shift our habits. Cultivating a spirit of self-compassion along with empathy and appreciation for others makes it easier for us to truly savor the most meaningful gifts: connection, laughter, and gratitude. 

    We hope you’ve enjoyed these mindful gift-giving tips. For even more inspiration, explore our 2024 Holiday Gift Guide—where mindfulness meets heartfelt gifting.

    With this year’s Mindful Holiday Gift Guide, we’re offering countless ways to share more mindful giving and joyful living this year. Discover unique, curated gift bundles, and exclusive collaborations!

    Plus, enter below for a chance to win a special prize bundle of our most beloved mindful products!

    Enter the Mindful Holiday Sweepstakes!

    Between November 1 and December 31, simply submit your email to be entered for a chance to win a premium Mindful gift bundle that includes:

    • 1 Mindful Affirmations card deck
    • 1 Mindful Premium Membership
    • 1 Mindfulness Plus+ Annual Subscription



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  • A 12-Minute Meditation for Sending Compassion to a Difficult Person

    A 12-Minute Meditation for Sending Compassion to a Difficult Person

    When we dislike someone, it’s much harder to recognize their humanity. This guided meditation supports us in releasing tension in the body and cultivating compassion, even for a difficult person.

    No matter whether we seek to get along with everyone, or have been known to cherish a grudge or two, we all know of a person whom we disagree with or who challenges us in some way. When you bring this person to mind, what do you notice? You may feel physical tension, anxiety, or other unpleasant sensations in the body.

    In this meditation, Anu Gupta guides us in simple phrases of compassion and loving-kindness that allow us to remember: Just like me, this person is also human. Just like me, they have their own joys, desires, and struggles. Offering kind wishes to someone difficult is a powerful way to expand our circle of compassion. We don’t have to like them, but we can cultivate compassion for them by softening our resistance and acknowledging their humanity.

    A Guided Meditation for Sending Compassion to a Difficult Person

    1. Begin by settling into a comfortable seated posture, either on a cushion or a chair. Rest your feet on the ground below you. Place your hands on your knees or in your lap. Let your shoulders relax, your spine straight and relaxed, keep your chin parallel to the ground below you, and bring your eyes to a gentle close. 
    2. Bring your attention to your breath. Notice your inhales and your exhales. The breath is oftentimes a reflection of the mind. It’s just bringing awareness to the breath to settle the mind. 
    3. Notice if you’re holding any tension in any part of the body. Bring that to awareness and gently ask that body part to relax. Whether it’s your tongue, your shoulders, or your feet. Relax. Relax. Relax.
    4. As you breathe in and you breathe out, bring to mind a person you’ve had some difficulty with. It doesn’t have to be the worst person you know, or someone who’s caused you a lot of harm, but someone you dislike. Someone who’s challenging. Someone that brings up some sort of resistance in your body. It could be a public figure. It could be someone you know. 
    5. Let yourself feel what it’s like to be in that person’s presence. Bring to attention any tension, dislike, or disgust that may arise because you’ve brought this person’s image in your mind. Just notice it, noticing these unpleasant sensations. But also remember that just like you, this person is also a human. Just like you, this person was also a baby at some point. Just like you, this person is also subject to sickness, to old age and to death. 
    6. Now, imagine this person as a baby. And now offer this difficult person some words of kindness. Just like me, you’re human. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.
    7. Repeat these phrases of compassion for this difficult person over and over again. Notice the discomfort if it arises. Notice the resistance. And then say to the resistance, Just like me, you’re human. Just like me, you’re human. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. Keep repeating these phrases for as long as you like. 
    8. After your next exhale, bring your chin to your chest, stretching the back of your neck. Thank you for your practice today.



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  • Election Day Meditation – Mindful

    Election Day Meditation – Mindful

    Follow along as Rhonda Magee guides us through a S.T.O.P. practice for focused awareness. The invitation is to be kind to yourself, take a conscious breath, and gently relate to thoughts, emotions, and sensations that arise.

    If we’ve been practicing mindfulness and other awareness practices, we know that even on difficult days like election day we’re just a moment of awareness away from a sense of greater ease and greater capacity to be with what is.

    The acronym S.T.O.P. encapsulates how mindfulness practice can support us in making the most of opportunities for engagement in the world most especially during election day. Like all mindfulness practices, it has many different applications. For one, it is a simple tool that can support us in being here in a much more lively way with ourselves, opening up to what is coming up for us, right here, right now.

    Stop and Take a Conscious Breath

    S stands for Stop

    Stop what you are doing and if possible, perhaps take a seat. If standing, just pause where you are standing. It’s really about standing in your dignity or sitting in your dignity, to support bringing mindfulness to this moment. As you settle in, breathe in and out, allowing attention to rest on the feeling of the breath as it flows into the body, and out. Feel the nourishment of taking a moment to pause. This first step can be as short as just an instant, or as long as you like. 

    T stands for Take a conscious breath

    Now, taking one, very slow and conscious breath in, and a full complete breath out, really notice what it’s like to allow your attention to rest on these sensations of breathing. Continuing to take a few very conscious, very intentional breaths. Simply allow yourself to feature the breathing aspect of the experience of this moment, one breath at a time. 

    O stands for Observe

    What is coming up for you in this moment? The shorthand T.E.S.—thoughts, emotions, sensations—can remind you of what you might gently scan for as you observe your experience. 

    What kind of thoughts might be arising? Imagine thoughts as being like clouds, moving through the sky of your consciousness, and just note the thoughts as they come up for you. 

    Then, what emotions or feelings are present? Is there some discomfort? Some feeling of opening to joy? Whatever is arising is perfectly OK. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Mindfulness is about rolling out this welcome mat, allowing yourself to feel what’s here right now. 

    Then, notice sensations: You might feel a tightness around the shoulders, or a sinking feeling in the belly. Whatever is prominent, invite a reflection on the sensations that are coming up for you. The intention is just to create a spacious way of holding the sensations. Yes, these sensations are here right now. 

    P stands for Proceed

    Finally, when you’re ready, notice the opportunity presented in this moment to proceed, to choose how to move from this place of reflective awareness into engagement. Proceed with presence, all the while holding your experience with kindness, friendliness, and self-compassionate for your experience in this moment. 

    Notice the opportunity presented in this moment to proceed, to choose how to move from this place of reflective awareness into engagement.

    When you are ready, transition out of this practice. Feel what it was like, and any way in which that moment of practice may have shifted your experience. Bring awareness to that shift, to help you see just how mindfulness practice is for you. Many teachers use the term “YOU-ru” as opposed to “guru,” which means you can take full ownership of the great opportunity that being alive presents: to deepen your ability to meet whatever is coming up, with more steadfastness, more stamina, more resilience, and more intentionality about how you want to be during election day. 



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  • Let Curiosity Lead the Way With A 12-Minute Meditation

    Let Curiosity Lead the Way With A 12-Minute Meditation

    When we allow what is to simply be, we relieve ourselves of the suffering that can get heaped on top of our moments of difficulty. Frank Ostaseski leads this meditation to let curiosity lead the way.

    A lot of times we use languages like enlightenment or liberation or awakening. These terms feel far off and distant to me, like we’re trying to achieve something supernatural or transformative in our lives. I think meditation practice is about learning to become intimate—intimate with ourselves, with every aspect of life. Then we can bring the healing power of loving awareness to what scares us, what’s sad for us, and what feels raw for us. I prefer the word intimacy because it expresses a wish to come closer—to know that we already belong, that we’re not separate. 

    To me, intimacy expresses what liberation actually feels like: relaxed, easeful, ordinary, in a way. Liberation isn’t found someplace else. It’s found right here. That’s why one teaching says the path is right beneath your feet. When we look into the mind’s conditioning, in a close and personal way, we begin to understand the ways that we cause ourselves suffering—and that’s the real freedom of meditation. It isn’t about helping us to transcend or get out of our experience. It’s about learning to know our experiences intimately. 

    When we look into the mind’s conditioning, in a close and personal way, we begin to understand the ways that we cause ourselves suffering—and that’s the real freedom of meditation.

    To love the past is simply a memory, and to love the future is just a fantasy. The only place we can love, the only place we can really be aware, is right here, in this present moment. Intimacy connects us with each other with a deep sense of belonging. And with this belonging, we know that we’re not separate anymore. And this helps us to move beyond our small story of a limited sense of self. 

    Meditation, like love, is intimate, and this intimacy is the condition of deepest learning. Mindfulness and compassion are the least expensive, most available, and most appropriate tool we can use in just about every situation in our lives. But sadly, often they’re viewed as inappropriate or even shelved for some other time. And I think, as a result, a lot of us live and work in a great deal of fear and distress. And I think we can do something about that.

    A 12-Minute Meditation to Let Curiosity Lead the Way

    1. Let’s begin really simply: Just pause. A pause is an opportunity not to be swept away by the habit of our lives. A pause is an opportunity to remember who we actually are. A pause is a way of bringing our mind, heart, and body, collecting it all into the present moment. So let’s just pause. No hurry. 
    2. Now, relax. See how little effort is required just to hear the sound of my voice. Relaxing body, heart, and mind—mindfulness emerges much more easily in a relaxed mind, heart, and body. So, pause. And relax.
    3. Now, open. A Characteristic of an open mind is spaciousness infused with interest. Open. You’ll be open for just a moment, liberating yourself from any limiting ideas about who you are and what you think is possible. Can your curiosity be greater than your criticality? Open. So, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. 
    4. And now, allow. Allowing takes us beyond accepting and rejecting altogether—beyond hope and fear. Just rest in a moment of allowing. There’s no one special to be, nothing special to do, no place special to go. It’s resting in allowing, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. And allow.
    5. And now, become intimate. This is a kind of communion with your experience, or willingness to enter the immediacy of your life. It’s a kind of fearless receptivity—a willingness to welcome everything and push away nothing—nothing between you and your experience: no subject and object; no I and other. Just intimacy. So, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. Allow. Become intimate. 
    6. Pause. Relax. Open. Allow. Become intimate. 



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  • Ease Election Anxiety with 7 Mindful Strategies

    Ease Election Anxiety with 7 Mindful Strategies

    When we feel anxious we become reactive and are more likely to oversimplify life through a narrow lens. Here are 7 mindfulness techniques to combat the negative political rhetoric.

    Presidential elections in the past have been negative and hard fought, but the 2016 election was the first one in memory to have produced a recognized psychological condition. A therapist in suburban DC even coined a name for it—Election Stress Disorder—while a 2016 online survey from the American Psychological Association (APA) found that more than half of all Americans felt stressed about the election.

    Now, two elections later, 77% of U.S. adults say that “the future of our nation” constitutes a significant source of stress in their lives, according to the APA’s 2024 Stress in America survey. Are there ways of dealing with an anxious electorate short of putting Valium in the water supply?

    A collective effort to help each other lower our political anxiety is important for reasons that reach well beyond the day of the election. When people feel anxious they move into a reactive mode. Anxious people tend to be less flexible and less open to new experiences and points of view. They’re more likely to oversimplify what’s upsetting them and view life through a binary lens. In an election year that means voters will grab on to narrow, inflexible beliefs around issues and candidates as if they were life rafts: She’s smart but he’s not; he’s authentic but she’s inauthentic; they’ll run this country into the ground but we’ll build it up. Fear-based, constricted perspectives like these fuel the vitriol we see on TV and in social media.

    When people feel anxious they move into a reactive mode. As a result anxious people tend to be less flexible and less open to new experiences and points of view. They’re more likely to oversimplify what’s upsetting them and view life through a binary lens.

    Mindful Strategies to Ease Election Anxiety

    Mindfulness techniques can help quiet our fear and anxiety, which allows the nervous system to settle down. Then our perspectives can broaden and we are more likely to look at the issues and candidates with an open mind. Major magazines and newspapers have been asking therapists to weigh in on this issue and it’s no surprise that many of them recommend mindfulness to turn this vicious cycle around. To cope with election-related angst experts suggest a few mindful practices like:

    Basic Mindfulness Strategies to Quiet the Noise

    Had someone told me a couple of decades ago that I should use mindfulness to ease my election worry I would have seen it as naïve at best. I was a pragmatic corporate lawyer just learning to meditate and I didn’t yet understand the importance of teaching people to view interpersonal experiences through the lens of the nervous system.

    But the relentless negativity and divisive discourse of this election drives this point home, even to skeptics: We need to teach people basic strategies to quiet the noise in their heads so that we can actually listen to each other. Meditation can jumpstart the process but it’s not the only way to achieve this goal.

    There are mindfulness-based strategies that beat back overwhelming emotions and broaden people’s perspectives that require no meditation at all. For example:

    • If someone makes you mad, think of three things the two of you have in common.
    • If something upsets you, remember there’s good in your life too and name three good things.
    • If you’re stressed by this election, remember this: In the end, too much worry can be a prison. It hijacks the mind and limits its bandwidth.

    You can’t think as clearly or respond as flexibly when your mind is agitated as when it is calm. So what’s the key that will unlock the door? Look outside of yourself and towards the world. Get out there and do something. Read stories about people who inspire you. If you’ve got the time, volunteer. If you’re busy, help an elderly person cross the street. Connect and participate. But most important, vote!



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  • Is Mindfulness a Treatment for Depression?

    Is Mindfulness a Treatment for Depression?

    Depression is a classic example of what’s referred to today as an invisible illness. When you’re depressed, you may find yourself expending precious energy just so you can appear to the world as if nothing at all is troubling you. 

    This “it’s-work-to-seem-fine” coping mechanism illustrates just one way in which depression complicates your life. Not only are you exhausting yourself pretending to be OK, you may find it hard to rally support from friends, family, and coworkers who only see how well you seem to be functioning. 

    While there is rapidly growing recognition of the very real difficulty and damage caused by depression, the stigma of past decades and centuries lingers. We often still hear the familiar notion that you can just “pull yourself together and get on with it,” as though keeping a “stiff upper lip” should be enough to defeat depression. But strong neurochemical, social, and environmental factors contribute to this very real, physical illness, and successful treatment requires more than maintaining an “upbeat attitude.”

    Depression Is a Chameleon 

    Our ability to recognize and effectively treat depression—which 1 in 14 people will experience in their lifetime—is complicated by the fact that it manifests differently in everyone affected, according to the National Institutes of Health. Anything—your age, your gender, or the stage of your depression—can change what the illness looks like for you, meaning it’s not necessarily simple to get a diagnosis, or even recognize symptoms of depression, whether in yourself or in other people.

    For women, depression is more likely to appear as sadness, worthlessness, and guilt. Hormonal and life cycle-related changes, as in postpartum depression, can make women more susceptible to developing the illness. In fact, women are statistically more likely than men to experience depression. 

    For men, depression often looks like exhaustion, irritability, and sleeping problems. They also lose interest in things they once enjoyed. Men are also more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol, experiment with reckless activity, or become intensely devoted to work in order to distract themselves from their illness.  

    For teens and tweens, depression can look like extended and severe periods of sulking, getting into trouble at school, prolonged irritability, and an intense feeling of being misunderstood. 

    These are by no means the only ways depression can appear. Some people experience short, intense periods of depression, while others feel it as an unmoving cloud over their awareness; for some, it’s linked to difficult life events, while for others it doesn’t go away even when their outward circumstances seem fine. 

    Should You Try Mindfulness for Depression?

    Various treatment options for depression exist, including drug regimens and talk therapies. However, the jury continues to be out on how effective antidepressants are for treating depression. A comprehensive 2018 study conducted by an international research team examined 522 studies, including 116,477 patients, to learn about the effectiveness of 21 antidepressant medications. The researchers discovered that, although nearly all of the drugs were more effective than placebos, their effects were still “modest” in most cases.

    Complicating treatment is the fact that depression is often a chronic condition that tends to relapse, even with medication and talk therapy. According to research, relapse rates range from 50% to as high as 80%.

    Interestingly, when mindfulness is added to the standard depression treatment protocols, relapse rates decline. But it’s unlikely that simply practicing basic mindfulness meditation will ease your depression symptoms. In fact, such an attempt could be supremely unhelpful, notes Julienne Bower, PhD, professor of health psychology at UCLA.

    She tells us that the research showing that mindfulness meditation improves symptoms of depression is, at best, vague. She also notes that it’s really hard to meditate on your own when you’re depressed.

    Zindel Segal, PhD, concurs. The Distinguished Professor of Psychology in Mood Disorders at the University of Toronto, Dr. Segal has pioneered the use of mindfulness meditation for promoting wellness in the area of mood disorders. He was also one of the team who developed Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), a research-backed mindfulness protocol for depressive disorders.

    Chronic Unhappiness?

    “When we talk about depression, and where mindfulness is strong and less strong as a treatment, we have to know what type of depression you have,” says Segal.

    “Don’t consider mindfulness a treatment when you’re dealing with acute depression,” he advises. Depression “shuts down your concentration and disrupts your executive network ability,” which makes practicing mindfulness difficult, says Dr. Segal. Instead, for acute depression, consider seeing a mental health professional for treatment with antidepressants, cognitive behavior therapy, or both. Mindfulness can bolster those treatments, but not replace them.

    Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, however, was specifically designed to help people who are depressed or chronically unhappy. MBCT is a therapeutic protocol that combines cognitive therapy, which helps people interrupt the disturbing behavior or thought patterns that interfere with their lives, with mindfulness practices that help you learn to develop a healthier relationship to unhelpful thought patterns.

    “Our research looked at specific ways that MBCT helps people work with rumination and worry in ways that are more generous and compassionate,” says Dr. Segal. “This therapy helps you learn to ‘de-center’ and allows you to see your thoughts unfold moment to moment. It helps you to not listen to the messages that depression is sending you.”

    How MBCT Helps

    The goal of MBCT is to help you become familiar with the ways your mind and your thinking patterns contribute to depression, which helps you to develop a new relationship to your depression.

    According to Dr. Segal, many people describe leaving the MBCT training with these two major insights:

    1) Thoughts are not facts.

    2) Depression is not me.

    At first, these points may seem overly simplistic—but when we pay attention to how we are thinking and feeling, over time we become better at spotting the buildup of difficult emotions and thoughts. In that way, we can deal with them more skillfully, instead of just reacting in ways that might not be good for us.

    “Mindfulness practices—focusing on the breath and body, as well as mindful movement and developing greater mindful attention to everyday activities—help us learn to recognize the feelings and patterns of thinking that cause unhappiness,” says Willem Kuyken, PhD, the Ritblat Professor of Mindfulness and Psychological Science at the University of Oxford.  “We learn that thoughts are just thoughts. They are not facts, and we can choose whether to give them power over our minds and hearts. In time they can even help us savor and enjoy all the things that give us pleasure and a sense of accomplishment,” adds Kuyken.

    When it comes to depression that relapses after treatment, he suggests that MBCT has proven to be particularly helpful, if you adhere to the program. The program consists of eight weeks of classes, as well as at-home practices you do on your own for about an hour a day. “Many people [with depression] are trying to turn around very long-standing and ingrained habits of thinking and behaving, and that will take time and effort,” says Dr. Kuyken. He notes that a recent study by Dr. Segal showed that the more a person practices MBCT over time, the greater the benefits for easing depression.

    To find a therapist who has been trained and certified in practicing MBCT, visit accessmbct.com

    If You Need Help

    If you or someone you care for is having suicidal thoughts, these helplines in the US, Canada, and UK offer free, confidential prevention, crisis resources, and support 24/7/365.

    US: Dial 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
    988lifeline.org

    Canada: Dial 988 to reach the Suicide Crisis Helpline.
    988.ca

    UK: Dial 116-123 to reach Samaritans.
    samaritans.org

    This article was first published in the April 2020 issue of Mindful magazine.

    The Ultimate Guide to Mindfulness for Sleep 

    Sufficient sleep heals our bodies and minds, but for many reasons sleep doesn’t always come easily. Mindfulness practices and habits can help us fall asleep and stay asleep. Consult our guide to find tips for meditation, movement, and mindfulness practices to ease into sleep. Read More 

    • Mindful Staff
    • July 13, 2023



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  • Why Male Allyship Matters in the Workplace

    Why Male Allyship Matters in the Workplace

    The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted our work lives, particularly for women. As of January 2021, over 2.3 million women had left the workforce in the US during the pandemic, leaving only 57% of women working or looking for work—the lowest rate since 1988. The pandemic seems to be setting back many of the gains that those who identify as women have made in the workplace in the past several decades. 

    This hurts women, businesses, and society. According to a 2012 study of 1,500 companies, “female representation in top management leads to an increase of $42 million in firm value.” Female leaders seem to be particularly important for companies thriving on innovation. Notably, the more women occupy a company’s C-suite and corporate boards, the better its sustainability and corporate social responsibility initiatives.  

    One pathway toward creating a culture of diversity and belonging is to empower allies at work.

    One pathway toward creating a culture of diversity and belonging is to empower allies at work. An ally is someone who is not a member of an underrepresented group but who holds a position of privilege and power and can advocate and take action to support that less represented group, without taking over their voice. Research suggests that when marginalized group members have coworker allies, they have increased job satisfaction, lower anxiety, and a stronger workplace commitment. As women make their way in a post-COVID work world, male allies can help advocate that their voices are heard and that commitments to equity and inclusion are taken seriously.  

    What Is Male Allyship?

    To address bias against women at work, and have brave conversations about topics such as equal pay and equitable hiring and promotion, men who hold positions of power—normally white, cisgendered men—need to use their influence, knowledge, and resources to support folks who identify as women, people of color, and marginalized communities. Allyship is important in making sure that everyone is not only invited to the table but is also heard, acknowledged, and recognized for their contributions. 

    Being an ally is by no means easy. Would-be male allies may struggle to identify subtle forms of sexism or exclusion at work and fear backlash when they speak out. Research suggests that men may be unsure how to be an ally and have trouble navigating power dynamics at work. But a commitment to equity, as well as support from other men, can help motivate men to act as allies. 

    When men speak up on behalf of women, they’re more likely to be taken seriously by other men. As a result, women who have experienced sexism or oppression feel more confident and empowered. According to a new study, women who believe they have strong allies at work feel a greater sense of inclusion and more energy and enthusiasm on the job. 

    Below are some suggestions for how to be an ally to women, and how to create a broader workplace culture that welcomes allyship. These recommendations are based on my personal and professional observations and the countless interviews I conducted with folks on this topic while researching my new book Shine. I also share stories from several inspiring male allies (and friends) who I interviewed on this topic on my podcast. 

    9 Ways to Be a Male Ally  

    If you’re a man (and particularly if you hold a position of power) within an organization, and you recognize you can influence the work culture for the better, here are some best practices.

    1) Declare yourself a male ally to yourself and your team.

    Vince Guglielmetti, Intel’s vice president of the Americas general manufacturing operations, has publicly claimed to be a male ally with his leadership team and in direct reports. He sees himself as having a balance of masculine and feminine qualities. “I am my mother’s son,” he often says. Intel has a commitment to hire 40% women in technology fields by 2022/2023. Intel has created a framework that builds a pipeline for new hires, retains people, and promotes inclusive leadership.  

    2) Be mindful of your bias and embrace a growth mindset.

    Brian McComak, who is a diversity and inclusion consultant with over 20 years of experience in human resources, sees allyship as grounded in the awareness of privilege.

    “What the concept of male allyship does, in my mind, is centers an understanding of the experience of men and the privilege of men in our society. The key element of it is having an awareness of how that identity shapes how I get to experience the world and how I use that identity to make a difference,” says McComak.  

    Research suggests that teaching men to reflect on their privileges and encouraging awareness increases men’s sensitivity to and willingness to confront sexism. 

    3) Go to the source.

    Ask women, nonbinary people, people of color, and other less dominant groups how you can help. Do they need sponsorship, mentorship? More learning opportunities? Something else? Ask how you can support them. For example, you might share your social capital through information and knowledge, or your influence through organizational resources, invitations, and introductions.

    In his role as an ally, Guglielmetti is straightforward, asking women, people of color, and LGBTQIA+ people, “I know you need my voice. How can I be your voice?”

    4) Cultivate supportive partnerships with women and less dominant groups.

    “I think of [male allyship] as the lifelong process of building relationships based on trust, consistency, and accountability with marginalized people,” says Willie Jackson, head of learning and development at ReadySet, a consulting firm specializing in making more equitable, diverse, and inclusive work environments.  

    Over time, relationships like this allow you to gain an understanding of perspectives, life experiences, and identities that are different from your own.

    5) Speak up and “call in” other people if you see them abusing their power with others.

    As an ally, you can hold conscious or unconscious acts of hurt, exclusion, or harm accountable, also known as microaggressions. Stating what you see happening and taking just action are key to change. Silence is complicity and only perpetuates the cycle. 

    For example, Guglielmetti challenges and speaks directly to microaggressions and recruits other male leaders to take on male allyship roles and lend their voices to disenfranchised minorities. Research suggests that allyship is more empowering for women when men act out of a belief in equity, rather than the paternalistic idea that men should protect women. 

    6) Step back so others can step forward.

    Kyle Grubman is a principal learning and development partner at LinkedIn. When he is asked to work on a project or has the opportunity to volunteer, he considers whether saying no to the opportunity might allow someone else to take it on, someone who wouldn’t normally get asked. 

    Similarly, when Jackson is asked to speak at an event, he sometimes suggests women to speak in his place. He also tries to “take up less space” in meetings, speaking less and welcoming more women’s perspectives. 

    7) Model different ways of being.

    Instead of conforming to masculine norms in the workplace, where people are expected to be aggressive and unemotional, Jackson tries to show up with more gentleness, empathy, and vulnerability at work, which hopefully allows women and other folks to do the same. “That gives them permission to do so as well, and subconsciously signals that they don’t need to perform or show up in a particular way in order to engage with me, in order to seem credible,” he says. 

    8) Be mindful of the way you communicate.

    Realizing the ways that bias can creep into language and conversations, Jackson acknowledges the potential impact of his words and tries to invite discussion and feedback. Before expressing an opinion, for example, he might say, “Not to mansplain this, or you might know this better than I do…” 

    In his role as a leader, McComak acknowledges his fallibility and invites feedback from his teammates. “I want to be respectful. I want to be encouraging. I want to be supportive. And I also know that I’m going to get it wrong sometimes,” he says. So he tells his team: “I want to be open to hearing what you need to help me understand or see differently. And if I got something wrong, then I will apologize for it. . .  You have that permission to challenge me, and I’m really grateful.”

    9) Understand the impact your words or actions have caused in the past, take responsibility for them, and course-correct.

    Grubman acknowledges that it can be difficult to work hard at being an ally and then receive feedback that your words or actions have hurt others. For example, at a workshop he organized where he actively tried to celebrate stories of all genders, he was told that the many sports analogies he used made it feel less inclusive. “It’s hard to sit with that feedback, but I know it’s good for me and I know it reveals blind spots,” he says. “It makes me better in the long run.”

    How anyone can encourage male allyship at work

    When we raise our expectations on matters of inclusion, we can have deeper conversations on this essential aspect of workplace culture. No matter your gender, here are some structural ways to encourage male allyship at your workplace:

    • Encourage and facilitate more positive professional interactions among men, women, and nonbinary people. Research suggests that the more positive interactions men have with women in workplace settings, the less prejudice and exclusion they tend to demonstrate. 
    • Invite men to attend discussions and events around gender equity in the workplace. This will make efforts to increase inclusion, diversity, and belonging more successful. 
    • Give men an important role to play in gender parity efforts. The motivation for this role can be tied to personal examples and a sense of fairness and justice. Many men want to support women, different races, and other less dominant groups, but don’t know how to step in and offer aid. This requires all people to ask men for what they need. 
    • Create a male allies group at work to understand, identify, and incorporate gender-supportive behaviors on the job and elsewhere. This can also be a space for men to gain encouragement and community from other male allies.

    Personally, I have learned the benefit of asking male leaders and mentors for sponsorship and mentorship in my life. I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t had the courage to ask for the support of male allies. 

    To encourage the momentum of male allies, we can also acknowledge the men in our lives who have sponsored, mentored, and supported us in different ways. One simple way to do this is to reach out to these people to show your appreciation. We can also encourage men to challenge other men to be better: to be advocates for women, people of color, marginalized identities, and LGBTQ+ folks. We can encourage men to be vulnerable and showcase all of their emotions—sadness, anger, fear—by creating a culture that embraces a social contract of nonjudgment, psychological safety, and kindness. In this way, we can support a more wholesome version of manhood and of being human.

    This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

    Can Mindfulness Help Us Dismantle Inequality? 

    The same mindfulness practices that transform problematic habits and thought patterns can help us tune in to the subtle ways that society cultivates barriers and “draws us to reinvest in segregation,” says mindful law expert Rhonda Magee. Read More 

    How Mindfulness Can Help us Talk About the Things That Divide Us 

    Mindful editor-in-chief Barry Boyce talks with writer and editor Stephanie Domet about how mindfulness helps us deepen our caring not only for ourselves, but also for others, no matter how different from us they may seem. And, we meet the Mindful Vulgarian, and talk a little about MOMing, also known as Mouthing off Mindfully. Read More 

    • Barry Boyce and Stephanie Domet
    • July 16, 2019



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  • A 12-Minute Meditation to Relax Into Your Skin

    A 12-Minute Meditation to Relax Into Your Skin

    This week, Anu Gupta leads us through a detailed body scan, guiding us to relax, release, and shift our energy back to the present moment, coming back from any distracting thoughts and worries.

    Here and now, we can return to our breath. Take this time to feel wonder and gratitude for every part of your physical body, from head to toe, just the way you are today. Relax and release. With this practice, you’ll cultivate a sense of grounding and openness as you let this energy of relaxation soothe your whole body.

    1. Come to a comfortable seated position. As much as you can without creating tension, keep your spine long, feet planted on the ground, hands resting on your knees. Relax your shoulders, neck, and jaw, opening up your chest. Bring your eyes to a gentle close or place your gaze at a stationary point in front of you. 
    2. Bring your attention to your forehead. Do you notice any sensations in the forehead? Perhaps some holding, some tightness. See if you can relax and release. Consciously repeat those phrases: Relax. Release. 
    3. Now bring your attention to your jaw and your tongue. This is often a place we collect a lot of tension, a lot of tightness. So see if you can relax and release. 
    4. If the mind has begun to drift again, notice what it’s doing. Perhaps it’s thinking, or planning. Whatever it is, it’s just a habit. See if you can bring your awareness back to your jaw. This is the practice that we’re developing, the practice of returning to the present moment and bringing mindfulness to our body. Relax, release. 
    5. Now move your attention to your chest, releasing any holding. Feel a sense of expansion and openness. Relax. Release. Come down to your belly, noticing the expansion of the belly out on your inhales and the way it comes back in on your exhales. See if you can relax and release, refocusing your attention on your body in the now. 
    6. Now bring your attention to your arms. Your left arm. Your right arm. Your left hand. Your right hand. Notice if there’s any holding there. Notice the sensations of holding. Perhaps a tightness, some tingling. Be with your mind, and see if you can loosen, relax, release. We have the most nerve endings here, so often we feel a “doing” energy in our hands. But in this moment, we have nowhere to be, nowhere to go. Nothing to do, but just being aware, being mindful of what’s always here: our bodies. Relax. Release. 
    7. Bring your attention to your legs. Your thighs. Your knees. Notice any holding, any tension. Move down to your feet. Your left foot. Your right foot. Notice any contraction, any tension there. Gently focus on surrendering, releasing all that energy. Relax. Release. 
    8. Now take that energy of relaxation to all other parts of your body. See if there’s any other body part that’s holding some tension, some tightness. Right now, there is nowhere to go, no place to be but here. Savor the ease and openness of being here in your body. 
    9. Now bring your attention to your skin, the largest organ in our body. Notice what the skin feels like, this covering that really keeps the entirety of our body together. It regulates our body temperature, maintains homeostasis. In this moment, you’re just feeling the skin across your face, your scalp, your torso, your chest, your arms, your legs. Notice any sensations. What do they feel like? There’s no need to change them, just observe them.  
    10. You can bring this energy of release of relaxation to your body any time you notice holding or tension. This is the practice we’re cultivating, the practice of mindfulness. Notice if the mind has drifted. What is it doing? And see if you can bring it back to your body. Just for these last few moments, take these last few seconds to savor the openness you may feel in your body. This is available to you at any time, anywhere. By bringing awareness to your inner experience and to your body, you’ll be better able to make decisions that align with your purpose and values. 
    11. After your next exhale, bring your chin to your chest. If your eyes were closed, gently open them. Thank you for practicing today. Have a wonderful day ahead. 



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  • 12 Minute Meditation: A Guided Practice to Focus the Mind

    12 Minute Meditation: A Guided Practice to Focus the Mind

    Meditation practice often feels like something to get through, something good for us, like medicine. But as we become more familiar with practicing mindfulness, we can begin to enjoy it as an opportunity to simply be—to inhabit our body and focus the mind on being wherever we are, without having to do anything in particular.

    Obviously there’s nothing wrong with “doing” things—we have to do things. Doing things is great, but doing things is also challenging. Having some time when we can just be is refreshing.

    No question that simply being is equally as challenging because some scary thoughts might crop up. But as we become more familiar with the process, we realize we can focus the mind and we don’t have to fully engage those thoughts or get caught up in them.

    If it’s a particularly painful time, the meditation practice will be about being with that pain. We can allow it to be a bit “discontinuous,” that is, we see little gaps in the pain where bits of relaxation, and joy even, can poke through.

    So, in this longer meditation practice, let’s take the time to enjoy being here.

    A Guided Meditation to Focus the Mind

    12 Minute Meditation: A Meditation to Focus the Mind with Barry Boyce

    1. The first place to start is with spending a short period of time, in a relaxed way, on the posture. We begin with our seat. The point about our seat and our legs is just to have a base, to be supported. Nothing special about it.
    • If you’re on a chair: bottoms of the feet are touching the ground.
    • If you’re on a cushion: Legs can be simply crossed in front of you or they could be in a lotus posture or half-lotus posture.
    • The upper body is upright but not stiff.
    • Our hands can rest on our thighs in front of us with our upper arms parallel to our upper body.
    • Our eyes can be open or closed, and our gaze is slightly down. Just a slight feeling of humbleness about that. And with the gaze down we’re slightly focussed inward. Our mouth can be just slightly open or closed.

    That’s a practice in itself: just taking the time, taking the luxury, to establish our posture. If you have various bodily issues you just need to make adjustments for those.

    That’s a practice in itself: just taking the time, taking the luxury, to establish our posture

    2. Now, simply pay attention to your breathing. Now we pay attention to the breath as it comes in and goes out. The nice thing about the breath is that it’s reliable. It’s always going to be there if we’re alive. Sharon Salzberg talks about the importance of faith, and many people talk about trust. It’s a very simple type of faith or trust that something is going to continue to be there. As you find yourself lost in thought and you notice that because you have trust in the breath, you know that it will be there when you bounce off that thought and come back to the breath.

    3. Pay attention to body and breath together. As we come back to and notice our breath, we’re also noticing our body, so it’s a kind of a whole body experience, resting our attention on the breath. We can also feel the temperature in the room and appreciate our ability to sense the world—that we are a sensory mechanism. The world touches us. We have an interplay going on with the world. That’s something we can appreciate. Pleasure and pain come from that sensing of the world.

    4. For a little while, practice returning to the breath when the mind wanders. We’re taking time to simply be present and to develop presence. Presence meaning: able to be present for whatever comes up—up or down, could be very intense thoughts. How did the world begin. Why are we still driving so many cars? Who invented the car anyway? How do cars work? Can be cognitive, random thoughts like that. Or, could be intense emotional thoughts. Emotional thoughts carry with them a lot of “color,” and a lot of energy, and a lot of feeling of movement in the body: “I hate that,” ” love that,”—lots feeling tone to those thoughts. They can be persistent. They keep coming up, no matter how many times we go back to the breath. Or, thoughts could be just about simple sensation it’s an itch in your toe.

    5. Mindfulness is an equal opportunity process: whatever comes up, we just notice it and come back. If it comes up again in another shape or form, you know to sit and come back. There’s a certain amount of simplicity and dullness about that, but over time that dullness becomes natural relaxation. There’s a feeling of strength that comes from being able to be present with whatever arises and not being so inclined to run from it.

    6. Some people like to use the slogan “The present is pleasant,” but that’s not really true, necessarily. The present can contain whatever is present in that moment. If a family member has just died, it’s not going to be particularly pleasant. Taking a moment to meditate and focus the mind will be about being with that, not trying to create a pleasant experience for yourself. Usually, we’re trying to get something out of an experience. In this case, paradoxically, we are just trying to be with, rather than trying to get something out of it.

    7. As we notice thoughts again and again in meditation practice, the thoughts begin to have less solid substance to them. They can feel less like something we have to fight with. We can have an appreciation that they are not facts, they’re just formulations that emerge in the mind and that beneath them is some kind of presence and awareness that continues, whatever thoughts may arise and dwell for a while and then go.



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  • A 12-Minute Meditation to Embrace All Your Parts

    A 12-Minute Meditation to Embrace All Your Parts

    This week, Carley Hauck guides us to embrace all parts of ourselves—what isn’t serving us, as well as what we see as our positive attributes.

    Carley Hauck guides us to embrace all parts of ourselves—those qualities we see as our “shadow,” or what isn’t serving us, as well as the light, or what we see as our positive attributes. Especially as leaders (including any person who shows leadership in their life), working with both our “dark” and “light” parts allows us to shine our full potential out into the world.

    If you feel like it’s often too difficult or painful to acknowledge some aspects of who you are, this is a powerful practice for developing greater self-acceptance and self-love. As Carley reminds us, “The more you acknowledge the shadow, the more you will integrate and embrace it.” In this meditation, we’ll use a visualization technique, along with movement and sound, to support us in truly embracing every aspect of who we are.

    A Guided Meditation to Embrace All Your Parts

    1. Find a space where you can be quiet for several minutes. Take a few deep breaths in and out of your belly. Breathing in, allowing the belly to rise. Breathing out, allowing the belly to fall. 
    2. When you are relaxed, imagine yourself standing in the center of a circle of supportive people: Your family, friends, colleagues, pets, or guides. Close your eyes and soak up the feelings of love and acceptance. 
    3. Now acknowledge one or two parts of yourself that you struggle with or have disowned—perhaps your impatience, arrogance, shyness, fear of being unlovable. Anything you have a little shame around. These are the dark parts of you are the shadow. 
    4. Just a side note to say: we all have shadow aspects of our personalities. An easy way to identify your dark parts is to bring to mind a person in your life who triggers you. What do you not like about them? What do you struggle with when you’re with them? What is the trait or quality that is challenging about this person? For example, you might have a colleague who always turns in their reports late. And this elicits feelings of anger or discomfort. You feel the judgment about their lack of accountability. Now turn the mirror towards yourself and ask: In what ways am I like this? Or in the example above, you could ask, In what ways am I not accountable? When you see this behavior in yourself, you will likely feel discomfort in your body, or even a feeling of ouch. 
    5. I invite you to be with all that arises with a loving awareness. Wherever you look and whatever is brought into presence, shine love and awareness there. Take a few minutes to invite it in. And allow these dark parts, acknowledging them one by one, aloud or silently with love and presence. Try saying, I can be selfish, I can be arrogant, I can be impatient. The more you acknowledge the shadow, the more you will integrate and embrace it. 
    6. The truth is that leaders need all of our parts to shine our greatest light and potential in the world. Take another round of deep breaths in and deep breaths out. 
    7. Now let’s move to the light parts. These are the qualities you identify in yourself as positives or strengths. Say the list out loud or silently for a few minutes as mantras. For example: I am strong. I am smart. I am compassionate. I am resilient. Invite these parts into your awareness with love and presence. Allow all of these parts to be seen and embraced by your circle of supportive beings. 
    8. As you acknowledge each of these life parts, you can also invite in the dark. This is how we integrate and bring forward our whole self to work in the world. You can further support this integration by chanting one of these loving mantras: I embrace all of you. I love and accept all of you. I choose all of me. I am loving awareness. 
    9. As you repeat the mantra and notice how you feel in your mind, heart and body. Repeat your favorite mantras, especially when you aren’t being compassionate or kind to yourself, until you truly believe the message. Our thoughts become our beliefs. And they become patterns in our neural networks and our minds. 
    10. A profound way to bring your whole self to work and into daily life is to get into your body. For this exercise, you might choose to play with the movement piece and notice what kind of motion helps you embody the polarity of your dark and light parts. Try different stances, postures, gestures, or vocal sounds. The movements and sounds can then be integrated into your outer game of leadership by how you walk and talk and show up in the world. 
    11. Remember that developing any new pattern requires patience, practice, and persistence. But if you do this, you will be able to shine your greatest light. Thank you for your practice today.



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