Category: Mental Health

  • How I Stopped Terrorizing Myself

    How I Stopped Terrorizing Myself

    I’m standing on stage in front of 150 people, the spotlight bright in my eyes, the microphone solid in my hand. Their faces stare up at me, expectantly. I’m there to tell them a story. For a lot of people, being on stage in this way is a nightmare. Stage fright can make your heart pound, your mouth go dry, your limbs quake. But not me. I’m comfortable here. My worst nightmare awaits me later, at home. It’s also what I’m on stage to talk about.

    “For decades—my whole life, practically—I’ve lived with a persistent, debilitating fear of being murdered in my bed,” I tell the audience. They laugh uproariously. They’re not being insensitive—I’m telling it funny. That’s how I always tell it. I run through the list of ghosts that haunt my overactive imagination: Sasquatch, vampires, Adolf Hitler, the Loch Ness Monster, Jesus—that crown of thorns, all that blood—those phantoms of my childhood. Then the Boston Strangler, Ted Bundy, the Zodiac Killer—the true-crime menaces of my late-night adolescent reading. Fear has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember.

    It’s not totally surprising. I was a girl in the 1970s and ’80s in southern Ontario. I read the newspaper every day from the age of nine or ten, and my mother’s magazines—Family Circle, Women’s Day—and they were all always cover-to-cover, it seemed, with violence against girls and women. Kids my age disappearing from the hallways of their apartment buildings, or last seen on the subway heading downtown to a movie with friends. Women like my mother followed through parking lots, pulled into vans, when out for a walk, flagged down
    to help someone in need, and then never heard from again. I learned to walk with my keys threaded through my fingers. I read conflicting advice on whether to fight or submit. When my hair was long, I learned to keep it tucked into my coat so it couldn’t be used to apprehend me from behind.

    Fear has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember.

    Some of that fear was caution, and self-preservation, I guess. It was the water I was swimming in—misogyny and men’s violence against women was baked into the society in which I grew up, from the news headlines, to the murder mysteries my mother read, to the movies and television shows we all watched. But that fear also flicked a switch in me that was hard to switch off. I became hyper-alert.

    ’Fraidy Cat

    Looking back now, I can see I was living with anxiety from the time I was small. We didn’t call it that, then. We called it oh don’t be such a baby, and she’s afraid of her own shadow, and don’t be ridiculous. And to be fair, a lot of what I was afraid of was utterly ridiculous. Parked cars (they could become moving cars at any moment!), our furnace room (likely last known location of Sasquatch), a picture of a marble bust in a book (I can feel that statue watching me). As a lifelong writer, my imagination was my best friend. It was also, it seemed, bent on terrorizing me. And I was helpless before its infinite power.

    I knew how to make it funny, though. And I did that, in the daylight hours. The story of my fear became one of my funniest set pieces, one I returned to again and again, especially once I learned, later than is comfortable to admit, that not everyone is paralyzed by fear at night. When I realized that this fear was unusual, I went to town, pulling out every formative experience that solidified my terror. I’d gotten up to pee one night when I was seven or eight, and, half-asleep, collided with my father who was making the rounds of us kids, ensuring we were safe and sound before he and my mother turned in. Scared the daylights out of me.

    The night I’d stayed up, home alone at the age of 17, reading about the Zodiac Killer, too scared to go to sleep till I got through the story, and utterly uncomforted by the inconclusive ending—the Zodiac Killer was still out there! What if he was in Mississauga, Ontario, in my boring, quiet neighborhood? What if he was outside my very house right now! Is that the sound of the front door easing open? Footsteps on the staircase? (Never mind the contortions of logic, the self-centering acrobatics involved in the dark fantasy that this infamous murderer would target little old me.) I lay in my bed and shook. A figure at my bedroom door, barely visible in the first streaks of dawn. I opened an eye. My father, again. He and my mom and my younger siblings had been on a road trip and decided to drive all night for home.

    Here, I feel I should say a word about my father: He was gentle and smart, stubborn and fair, capable and wise. I loved him and he loved me. I was never afraid of him. But he did have a way of being in the wrong place at the right time.

    On stage, the crowd loved these stories, laughing and gasping at all the right moments. But lately, I’d had the sense that maybe this fear of mine wasn’t hilarious. I’d been telling two friends about it, in my jokey way, and they looked concerned. “It’s OK!” I said. “It’s hilarious!” But their reaction stayed with me. Maybe it wasn’t hilarious—or at least, maybe that’s not all it was.

    After the show, women found me outside the venue to tell me how much my story resonated. They, too, were afraid of being murdered in their beds, and they were so glad to know they weren’t alone. It was worth it, I thought, and I floated home on the wave of praise and belonging. I had my best night of sleep in a long time, no fear, even though my spouse was out of town and I was alone in our three-bedroom house.

    The next night, though. Wow.

    Fear Itself

    It started early, before darkness had even truly fallen. I worked from home, alone, with no fear during the day. I taught creative writing to my students as the sun set. The parents of one of my students had been in the audience the night before, and the dad made a weird comment at pickup time. The switch in my mind flicked to High Alert. When the students and parents cleared out of my living room I noticed the little twinkle lights I keep along the mantel in winter were switched on—and I hadn’t done it.

    If this were a television drama, the violins would be layering in tension. The Fear had me and it wasn’t going to let up.

    In bed that night I reminded myself I’d checked the doors and they were locked. My mind imagined a patient murderer, lying in wait for me. I lay in bed, solid with fear. I held my breath. Every sound magnified. The absence of sound untrustworthy—surely the calm before the violins returned.

    I’d doze, then wake, heart pounding, was that a sound? What was that sound? The front door easing open? The back? Someone coming in the kitchen window? Is there someone in this room? My eyes strained to tease out the strands of darkness that surrounded me.

    This was a familiar routine. It was my nightly opera. I tried to talk myself out of my fear: Don’t be ridiculous.

    What would that even look like, a life without this persistent, pervasive fear?

    This is the most egotistical fantasy ever. You think you’re such a good catch for a murderer that he’d wait till you’re tired of watching Netflix, done puttering around the kitchen, finished reading your book? It’s absurd. Illogical. Most people do not get murdered in their beds. Go to sleep.

    Surprisingly, my stern litany of self-talk did not result in restful sleep. Most nights, I would eventually fall into uneasy slumber. But this night was different. This night, the terror wouldn’t let me go. And I did what I had never done before.

    I clicked the light on. Heart pounding with fear and shame, I pushed a heavy piece of furniture across our bedroom door and I got back in bed.

    I read my phone. I read a book. Nothing worked, and I felt terrible, like I had failed. And I was still sleepless, and terrified.

    Later, I told a friend, who happens to be a therapist, about the experience— about telling the story on stage, and the frightening night that ensued. She nodded. “If you ever want to put that down,” she told me, “I know someone who would be a great match for you.” Put it down, I thought. Is that an option? I could just—put it down? What would that even look like, a life without this persistent, pervasive fear? I had only ever thought of The Fear as something to suffer. The idea that I could talk to a therapist about it and be free of it felt as outlandish
    as the idea that an evil version of the Count from Sesame Street was behind the door of the bathroom of my childhood home.

    Finding Comfort

    I tried not to treat Debbie’s office like the stage at the Seahorse Tavern, but my tales of night terror have been so often told I can’t help falling into funny-storytelling mode. “I’m pretty sure it’s sound coming from my own face, every time,” I told her. “Snoring, grinding my teeth. I wake myself up and wait for the sound to reoccur, but because the sound originated with me, it never does, and then I’m just anxious and alert.”

    “I also wear corrective lenses,” I told her, and so I can’t see much at night.

    “So, you’re vulnerable,” she said. I agreed.

    “I don’t know how to solve for that,” I told her.

    “It’s not something you solve,” she said.

    Oh.

    Then she said: “Tell me about the murder.” And I said: “Oh, the murder doesn’t matter.”

    My therapist is a cool customer. She nodded. “Then what are you afraid of?”

    I thought about all the possible answers to that question. “Terror. I’m afraid of being terrorized.”

    She nodded again, and she looked at me, her face soft and expectant.

    “Oh,” I said. The edge of an idea began to reveal itself. “It’s me.”

    For so long, I had been so afraid of terror that when the realization finally dawned it felt like a new day breaking. “I am terrorizing myself,” I said. “I am doing it to myself.”

    Debbie’s prescription was that I find a comfort object, something I could reach for in the night when The Fear started to prickle up my back. Again, I was struck by the novel idea that com- fort was an option. “What have you been reaching for?” Debbie asked.

    “Mostly logic,” I told her, “and stern self-talk.”

    “And how’s that been going?” “Here I am,” I said.

    Vulnerability and Me

    That afternoon, my spouse left for a two-week tour. I was once again home alone, with all my vulnerability, which I was trying to think of as a feature, rather than a bug. (Most people don’t get murdered in their beds, I’d told Debbie. But some do, she had replied, in a way that was oddly comforting and affirming, allowing me to acknowledge my fear and the role it had played in trying to keep me safe, instead of trying to shame me out of feeling it.) When I returned home from running errands, I instinctually said aloud, as I came in the front door, “Ah, my cozy home.” This allowed me to feel comfortable, rather than to immediately begin worrying that there might be a murderer lurking in the basement. And later, when I went up to bed, I pulled back the blankets and murmured, “Ah, my cozy bed.”

    But sometime after sleep came, I was awake again, startled by a close sound. Probably my teeth clicking against each other, I thought, though I already felt the creeping fingers of fear prickling up my back. I knew what would come next—the lid would fly off my imagination and I’d be in for it. So I took a deep breath. I paused. You have a choice, here, I told myself. You can choose terror, or you can choose something else. I breathed again, curled over onto my side, and patted my own heart with my hand. Out loud, I said, “You deserve to
    have a peaceful sleep, and pleasant dreams.” And then I closed my eyes and had both.

    When I tell this story now, I still tell it funny—it’s my preferred mode. But I tell it, too, with a sense of wonder at the power of self-compassion, and how it has replaced fear as my nighttime companion.

    The addition of self-compassion to my nighttime routine has occasioned a spillover into the daytime part of my life, too. Though stern and logical self-talk is still my first go-to, being kind to myself in the grip of night terror has allowed me to take another look at how I address myself during the day. And while the day-side shift is slower, when I remember to give myself the choice, I choose self-kindness every time—and that makes for better days, along with easier nights.

    Befriending Fear: Working with Worry and Anxiety 

    The fear-response is a powerful emotional and physiological reaction that can be triggered by more than just an imminent physical threat. In this excerpt from his book The Mindfulness Solution,  Ronald D. Siegel, PsyD, explores the human response to fear, and shows us how mindfulness can help manage it.
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    • Ronald D. Siegel
    • March 3, 2011

    What Are You Afraid Of? 

    Public speaking is one of the most common fears people experience. Explore this mindfulness practice for conquering those butterflies in your stomach—without picturing the audience in their underwear. [Podcast]
    Read More 

    • Dacher Keltner
    • July 3, 2018



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  • Where To Start When There Is So Much Suffering

    Where To Start When There Is So Much Suffering

    Let’s face it: Things feel incredibly hard right now. Of course, there are always difficulties and challenges, but particularly at this moment, I find myself heartbroken, overwhelmed, and angry more often than usual. Maybe you can relate?

    Perhaps like you, I am at a loss for what to do to address the suffering around me at this time. There is heartbreak, struggle, anger, fear, and despair in our homes, communities, and on the news and social media. Though there are some things we can do and action we can take, often much of this suffering is beyond our capacity to control.

    Self-Compassion Works for Collective Pain, Too

    When it starts to feel like too much to bear, I find myself wondering how to be with it all. How to be with the heartbreak, the suffering, the difficulties inherent in life. In my experience and work, I have found that one of the most helpful ways to navigate these challenges is through self-compassion. 

    Of course, self-compassion is a powerful ally when we are personally experiencing a difficulty. But self-compassion is also a powerful internal resource we can draw on in response to the suffering of others. Even if it is someone we don’t know, our hearts are touched when others are struggling. That is why it is essential to start with ourselves so that we can respond from a place of love and care, rather than fear, despair, frustration, or anger.

    So, what is self-compassion? Imagine if a dear friend was struggling with something, and then consider how you would respond to them. Now, gently turn that care, warmth, and kindness toward yourself; that is self-compassion.

    In the research, self-compassion is shown to have many benefits, including increasing resilience and optimism as well as decreasing anxiety and depression. It helps us hold suffering, both our own and that of others, more spaciously and with tenderness and warmth. The ability to offer ourselves compassion helps buffer the emotional distress that can accompany the empathetic response.

    Though self-compassion doesn’t necessarily fix the problem, it does invite a deeper calm and clarity as we approach it, because we tend to make wiser choices when we feel cared for. Caring for ourselves, especially when things are hard, enhances our capacity to navigate those difficulties and is a skill that we can learn and access readily.

    Practices You Can Try Today

    These practices work to strengthen our awareness and compassion, which can  help us avoid the extremes of being either overwhelmed or numbing out.

    One For Me And One For You:

    Based on the giving and receiving compassion practice from the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, the “one for me and one for you” practice can be tremendously helpful when we are feeling overwhelmed by the suffering of others. With a little repetition, it can even be accessible in the moment when encountering someone who is struggling.

    Bring to mind someone, even a group of people, who you know are suffering. This could be someone you know personally or hear about on the news. Now, check in with yourself and see what would best support you in being with their struggles as much as possible. It could, for example, be patience, calm, strength, or acceptance. Bring your attention to your breath and consciously offer that to yourself on the inhale and gently release on the exhale.

    After a few rounds, and if it feels right for you, you may now consider what they most need—they may have even voiced this need. It may be the same thing you need or something different. Continue to take in for yourself what you need on the inhale and offer them what they need as you exhale. You can even let go of the specific words and simply say to yourself, “One for me, and one for you,” as you continue to focus on your breathing.

    Kind Touch:

    Offering yourself a tender and gentle touch is one of the easiest ways to access self-compassion. Try putting a hand on your heart, holding your own hand, gently touching your cheek, or rubbing your arms like a gentle self-hug. Though it may initially feel awkward, research shows the benefits of this practice. Just as we might reach out to hug a friend or gently touch the arm of someone in need, we can also offer this loving, caring touch to ourselves. This kind touch releases the chemicals that support comfort, care, and connection, giving our body the message that we are safe and cared for in the moment.

    Of Course…Honey Practice:

    This phrase integrates the three aspects of self-compassion—mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness—used in the Mindful Self-Compassion Program. When you are struggling with something, you can say to yourself, “Of course, this is hard, honey,” or “Of course, you are scared, honey,” or “Of course you feel sad (angry, overwhelmed…), honey.” Saying the words “of course” as part of this phrase acknowledges our common humanity, that anyone in our circumstances could feel this way. Feeling like this is simply part of being human. Naming the emotion is the mindfulness aspect of the phrase, and using the term ‘honey’ (or another term of endearment) is an expression of self-kindness. I often use this phrase, usually with my hand on my heart, and have found it to be invaluable, especially when caught in a moment of intense reactivity.

    Start Where You Are, and Go From There

    If you are feeling heartbreak, fear, outrage or anything else in response to the depth and breadth of suffering in the world (or in your own life), start right where you are. Take a moment to care for your own heart and mind before responding to the world, which so desperately needs our loving presence.



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  • A 12 Minute Meditation on Our Relationship to Thoughts

    A 12 Minute Meditation on Our Relationship to Thoughts

    Meditation teacher Vinny Ferraro offers a practice to notice our relationship to thoughts: to see them clearly as they arise, gently note them, and return to the breath and body.

    The nature of the mind is to make thoughts. All day long, mostly without our even noticing, the mind is generating thousands of thoughts. What is our relationship to thoughts? Not only does the mind have a mind of its own, but, literally, we can have thoughts about not having thoughts. All of this is completely independent of our own doing.

    It’s very easy to villainize thought as some kind of enemy of practice. We get in our heads that if there were no thoughts we would be at peace, but even that’s just another thought.

    It’s very easy to villainize thought as some kind of enemy of practice. We get in our heads that if there were no thoughts we would be at peace, but even that’s just another thought. So, we’ll be using a noting practice, where we practice seeing thoughts clearly as they arise, gently noting them, and returning to the breath and body. If there is no mindfulness of mind, we live in a world completely defined by our thoughts. Here, we let go of that orientation and just see things as they are. We still hear the internal talk, we still see the images, but we know them as phenomena. We see their impermanence.

    If we look, we may see how often our thoughts include judgment, fear, grasping, or just arguing our point of view. When we see how compulsively these thoughts repeat themselves, we begin to understand the circular, repetitive nature of thought. So, this training in awareness is a training in wisdom.

    A Meditation on Our Relationship to Thoughts

    We can’t stop thoughts from arising but we can stop getting lost in them. Here we can see our views, our thoughts, our worries, as only one part of a much larger story. As we begin this session, feel your body and allow yourself to arrive. This is the practice of kind awareness. Allow the breathing to be natural, easy. See if there’s a sense of relief that you don’t have to make anything happen or stop happening.

    Just simply note when thoughts arise. When you notice thoughts arise, gently note: “planning, planning,” or: “judging, judging.” We’re not noting things so that we can change them, we’re just turning toward this phenomenon and noticing thoughts that usually fly under the radar, just like the light little whisper. We don’t usually feel their impact; most of the time, we’re not even aware that they’re there and the next thing you know we’re carried off. So, we don’t want to be lost in the dream of our own mental activity.

    Don’t “quiet” your thoughts. You don’t have to control thoughts or quiet them down; we just want to be aware of them as they arise, because any moment we’re aware of them, we’re not lost in them. You can think about it like we’re sitting in a movie theater, and there are images and voices projected on the screen of the mind, but we’re witnessing this phenomenon instead of being seduced by it. This frees up a lot of our awareness, when we don’t have to chase every thought, so we can see the well-worn patterns of the mind and begin to recognize some of the themes that we’re working with.

    Note thoughts without empowering them. Note thoughts without indulging or empowering or needing to suppress or avoid them. This way, whatever arises is known and allowed to simply pass through. Thought bubbles are touched lightly, their content completely irrelevant—they are just another object.

    Rest in your body. Here we are resting in the body, aware of sensation, watching thoughts come and go, and yet we remain. As things pass through the mind, be open and empty. This is a being, not a doing, so we don’t have any need to search for something to note. But as thoughts are known, gently note them. Lightly touching thoughts, not lost in content, not trying to figure it out, but resting in the witnessing of what is naturally unfolding. The practice is to keep noticing, not by bearing down on thoughts or drilling into them, but by resting in your intuitive awareness and opening up your field of attention to include thoughts. Thoughts are so prevalent, they are a worthy anchor for a meditation.



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  • What’s Different About Mindfulness for Men?

    What’s Different About Mindfulness for Men?

    In the chronically-online world of 2025, it’s almost impossible to avoid the saturating presence of podcasters, pundits, and social-media influencers in the “manosphere”—people who promise men admiration, health, and success, but who often have ideas of masculinity that leave men feeling even more wounded and isolated. Jon Macaskill and Will Schneider from Men Talking Mindfulness are devoting themselves to reaching men where they are, in their struggle, confusion, and longing for a life of meaning and connection. In this wide-ranging conversation with former Mindful editor Amber Tucker, Macaskill and Schneider offer a perspective on what mindfulness for men can provide in a world that needs authentic men more than ever. And they share a vision of what it is to be a man that’s less about the performance of manliness and more about being genuinely resilient, wise, and connected.

    Two Paths to Discovering Mindfulness

    Amber: I would love to start by asking about each of your paths to mindfulness. Jon, I know that you’re a retired US Navy SEAL Commander, and Will came from being a yoga teacher and a coach—two paths that a lot of people wouldn’t see as meshing naturally together. How did you personally discover mindfulness, and what did it take to integrate mindfulness into your lives?

    Jon: My path to mindfulness, and I think Will and I have this in common, is that it kind of came out of necessity. I had struggled with some anxiety, with survivor’s guilt, depression, and then over and above that, as a SEAL, you’re trained to push through pain—I would love to say ignore stress, but I think sometimes we even bring stress onto ourselves and then just keep going. 

    But eventually, you know, that approach broke me. I wasn’t able to handle it anymore, physically, mentally, and emotionally. When I got to a point where all that was at a height—where I was struggling with the post-traumatic stress and sleepless nights—I had mindfulness introduced to me by a counselor. I first laughed at him because I thought that, being a special operator, I didn’t need mindfulness and meditation. He kind of flipped the script on me and he said, “Well, what if I had a pill that I could give to you that would change your performance?” As special operators, we’re always looking for something that’s going to improve our performance. And as you could guess, that pill wasn’t a pill at all. It was mindfulness and meditation. 

    So, because it was sold to me as a “performance enhancement,” then I tried it. And long story short, I tried for several months, and it did help me to handle the stress and anxiety better. I got that performance improvement that he had promised me, but I also was able to manage stress. At first I didn’t trust it, but it gave me a real shot at not just slowing down, but also being present. What I had perceived as a kind of weakness, practicing mindfulness and meditation, wasn’t that at all. It was a strength, and it gave me these tools to face what I’d been avoiding. It gave me the tools to regulate my emotions better. I wouldn’t say that I’m an expert on regulating my emotions, but I’m better. And then to reconnect: reconnect with my family, reconnect with friends. I think most importantly, the ability to truly connect with my authentic self. 

    To integrate that into my life, it took some discipline to do consistently. It’s easy to do mindfulness or to be mindful and practice meditation once or twice and then maybe a couple of days in a row and then drop off. But by staying consistent, making it a daily practice, it’s changed how I lead, how I father, and ultimately how I live.

    Will: I really found meditation first, even before yoga, back around 2006. I was at a point in my life where I just moved to New York City, and I was pursuing life as an actor here in the city: auditioning, training, doing a lot of theater, I started doing television. I just wanted to be more present, and I also needed to manage the anxiety that comes with performance. I started with Transcendental Meditation (TM) and it started to help. Honestly, it was challenging to sit and meditate twice a day for 20 minutes with the TM on my own, not having a group that I’m meditating with, or not having the online opportunities like we do nowadays. It was very frustrating in the beginning. I’m having all these different experiences, my mind just keeps wandering, and I don’t feel like I’m doing anything. Then about a year and a half later, after the sputtering starts with trying to work with meditation, then I really became more consistent. It helped when I found yoga around the same time, especially yoga asana practice. There was this whole mindful movement inside of me, trying to take care of my mind. At the same time, I was taking care of my body. It felt like, This is my practice. It’s been an incredible benefit to me. It still is, every day that I practice. Now I’ve been with the [Men Talking Mindfulness] show, and the work that I do with coaching, and I incorporate all of these skills into what I’m teaching here now.

    Starting the Men Talking Mindfulness Podcast

    Amber: Let’s talk about Men Talking Mindfulness, the podcast that you co-host. It’s described as tackling difficult subjects like loneliness, trauma, addiction, the unhealthy elements of masculinity. Could you talk a little bit about some of the most transformative conversations that you’ve had? How have your guests or listeners highlighted the power of mindfulness and addressing those kinds of challenges?

    Will: We’ve really “attacked” mindfulness from so many different angles! And with Jon and I both being practitioners, we have a lot of great authors that come on the show. The whole show has impacted my life, because I’m a student first—the expert, if you will, of mindfulness who’s always learning. For me, some of the ones that really stick out were No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover. Reading his book and seeing what the whole “nice guy” thing is, and then deconstructing why this whole nice-guy approach to life is not the way to fully embrace all the power of your masculinity, was really profound for me. 

    And then we had Jon Eldredge on the show, New York Times bestseller. I loved his book, Wild at Heart. That conversation with him included understanding the three core principles that live in the soul of masculinity: always having a sense of adventure, having that relationship in your life, and having a battle to fight, having your mission. I just came back from a two-week trip to Peru, which is quite an adventure. I’m still working on the relationship part, but I definitely have the other two pretty synced up. I keep all the books that I’ve read for the show! One after the other of our guests have just been so helpful. A lot of them come back to the core principles of mindfulness, being present, allowing that presence to light up your biology, and the good biology that we have that really makes us, like, these wonderful human beings that we can be if we let go of the stress and anxiety.

    Jon: One conversation that’s jumping to mind right now is our conversation with the two Eds, Dr. Ed Adams and Ed Frauenheim. They co-wrote Reinventing Masculinity, where they challenged the idea that men have to fit into this rigid mold that you’re either tough or you’re not a man. That stood out to me, and it struck a chord with our audience because we heard from men who said things like, “I thought I was broken because I didn’t fit the stereotype,” or “Now I realize there’s strength in being authentic and being who I am.”

    We also had Jocko Willink on, fellow retired Navy SEAL. There were a couple of powerful moments in that talk about balancing intensity and presence. There’s a lot of people who think you can’t be intense and present simultaneously, and how mindfulness can actually make you a stronger leader. We’ve had Dr. Mark Gordon on. And Mark shared about all these different kinds of groundbreaking insights on the brain-body connection. He’s a neuroendocrinologist. We’ve had Dr. Rob Kelly come on three times. And he’s talked about purpose and recovering from addiction. We’ve had multi-time Olympic champion, Apolo Ono, come on to reflect about how mindfulness shaped his Olympic career and then his transition afterward. We just had Dan Millman on to explain The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, his book. 

    We’ve even had Congressman Tim Ryan on to talk about bringing mindfulness into politics. We’ve had Steven Kotler on to share how flow science connects directly to performance and presence, and how that is all underpinned by mindfulness. So sorry, a lot of name drop in there, but like Will said, this show has changed the lives of many of our audience, but it’s also changed our lives. We have learned so much about mindfulness, how it’s tied into leadership, how it’s tied into wealth, how it is tied into health, how it is tied into just about everything that we do and it’s changed us for the better. It’s my spiel.

    Will: Yeah, we’re like the little guinea pigs for the show. We just try stuff on, talk about it. So it’s been quite fun to be the students and the teachers in what we’ve created.

    Where to Start If You’re Curious About Mindfulness

    Amber: That’s incredible. Thank you so much for both sharing some of the breadth of different voices and backgrounds and areas of expertise that you have on the podcast. Definitely many familiar names there for the Mindful reading audience, and also a lot of new names. So I think that’s pretty exciting. You were just touching on… what listeners have shared with you about how the podcast has helped them to discover mindfulness—maybe support for the first time, start to build a daily practice, strengthen relationships, even help to save marriages and a lot of other results that I’m sure you’ve heard from people. I wonder: Why do you think the practice of mindfulness is resonating so strongly with so many men, particularly in this moment in time?

    Jon: I’ll go on that one first, Will, if you’re cool with that. What I find interesting is that mindfulness, if you really go back in history, it resonated with men. We had the monks who brought it into the world in multiple different ways, but we also had warriors, these warriors that men today read about. 

    We read about the Spartans, we read about samurai, and in some way they practiced meditation before they went on the battlefield so that they could be present, so that they could be calm. Rather than bumping chests and smelling these smelling salts before they went out, they calmed themselves down. 

    I think men are realizing that this playbook of suck it up or man up, it doesn’t work anymore. And men are realizing that we can show vulnerability and authenticity because suck it up or man up leads to broken marriages. It leads to mental health problems or challenges, and it leaves a lot of men suffering in silence. 

    I think mindfulness resonates because it doesn’t ask you to give up toughness. A lot of people think that if you practice mindfulness, that you’re giving up toughness, and you don’t. I think it truly helps you to redefine what toughness looks like. It takes real strength to be present, to feel your emotions and to regulate those emotions. I don’t want to “control them,” but regulate them. And then it also takes real strength and courage to face your challenges without numbing out, without alcohol, without drugs. If you continually numb these challenges, then you’re not going to come out of them. And that’s why I think guys like the names that I mentioned before, like Jaco, Olympians like Apollo, these big-time thought leaders like Steven Kotler, and then congressmen like Tim Ryan—I think that’s what they’re finding value in this right now.

    Will: I think the world is just experiencing a level of chaos that it’s not used to, because what I’m seeing, I’m sure we’re all feeling it, is because of the infiltration of technology in our lives, like everywhere, with social media, with the rate of messaging that you get through, whether it’s text or email or Instagram or whatever platform you’re on, it’s just like message, message, and message. There seems to be a greater demand for our attention in so many different places. 

    Mindfulness is this natural balance that’s coming into society, because everything has its opposite. If chaos is happening, then what’s the equalizer? I feel for human beings, a lot of it is mindfulness. How do we become not so easily triggered? How do we manage our feelings? And mindfulness is helping us to do that. 

    I think also for men in particular, the way that we’ve worked traditionally since the industrial revolution has changed dramatically, as well. It requires a whole other set of skills that we didn’t need to activate if we were just doing a regular nine-to-five in the factory. Also the roles in the family have changed. The family dynamics have changed. We have two working parents very often, and what does that require? That requires a lot more communication. How are we communicating? Mindfulness for men is helping men to understand themselves on a more deep emotional level. So they’re not a slave to their emotions, not so easily frustrated or anxious or stressed out, and really being more effective in whatever environment they’re in, whether it’s the family, whether it is work, whether it was with their kids, whether it is some sort of community event. So mindfulness is helping the world in so many ways, but men for sure, because these are skills that were not taught in school. I mean, some of them are now, but nobody over 20 years old or 25 has really been taught these skills in school, and people are looking for this place to learn these tools. That’s one thing that we’re doing, and it’s one thing that all the mindfulness teachers out there are doing—helping people to integrate these tools in their lives so they can deal with this new society that we’re in.

    Amber: I really appreciate both of you speaking to that, especially with the predominance of tools like mindfulness and meditation seeming to be marketed toward women in this day and age. It’s good to have a reminder that that hasn’t always been the case. And actually mindfulness is a tool that’s for everybody, regardless of how we’ve been trained, our gender, or anything like that. It can benefit all of us.  

    Jon: I just want to jump in just with one thing. I’m glad you said that piece. Because the guests that we mentioned are all men. I think every single one of them that we’ve mentioned were all men and even more specifically, white men. We also have had a lot of women and folks of color  on. Theresa Larson is a good friend of ours. We’ve had her on to talk about being a mindful mother, which doesn’t sound like something that would go on a men’s show, but we need men to understand what a mother is going through. We’ve had Ali and Atman Smith and Andrés González from the Holistic Life Foundation. We’ve had Uma Naidu to come on and talk about mindful eating. She’s a nutritionist. So I do want to make sure that we capture that the show is a men’s show, but we have a lot of women listeners, and we have a lot of women guests, as well.

    Amber: Yeah, thank you for that. You’ve had Amishi Jha as well, I think, right?

    Jon: Yes, she and General Walt Piatt.

    Amber: That must’ve been a powerful conversation. 

    Will: Oh, yeah. They spoke so clearly, and it’s awesome to have such a decorated general, like really being a huge advocate for mindfulness, because it affects anything you do, regardless of what you’re trying to do with it, it has an incredible impact. And I’m glad more and more people are waking up to this.

    Many Different Ways to Approach Mindfulness for Men

    Amber: Yeah, bringing it into these contexts like the military where people both really need it for performance, and also just for mental health and all the other good things that mindfulness can help with. You’ve had a wide range of very influential guests, best-selling authors, Olympians, huge business leaders, politicians, many other people. And how do you think that these diverse voices are contributing to your mission of changing the narrative around masculinity and mental health for men? Some of the people that you talked with on your show may not be mindfulness teachers as such, but they’re still promoting knowledge and perspectives that could fit under the umbrella of mindfulness. Is that an accurate way of characterizing them?

    Will: Yeah, I think the way we’ve approached the show is that there are so many different angles you can approach mindfulness. We bring on experts to help us solve a particular problem, or give us some insight into something, or to bring awareness to something that can be beneficial in our lives. 

    From the masculinity point of view, we’re taught by our fathers, our coaches, our uncles, our brothers, just to be tough. But the 21st century is demanding greater skills, and really that big skill is being more emotionally intelligent. So we’re trying to open that conversation and show how incredibly powerful it is when you become more aware of that whole, your mind, your emotions and your actions, how you can really start to change things. It just takes a little bit of practice. The goal for us is just for men to have happier, healthier, more peaceful lives because of what they’re learning from our show.

    Jon: Yeah, and I’ll add to that in…we’ve got this swath of different guests coming to talk about different approaches. I think men often look at these guys, or maybe they look at me and Will and other men that they look up to, and they say, This guy has it all together. What’s wrong with me? And then they hear these high achievers admit that they struggle, too. It normalizes the conversation, shows that mindfulness is for everyone. No matter your background, no matter your definition of success, we’re all human beings and we all have struggles. And no matter what your struggle is, mindfulness is not necessarily going to relieve that struggle, but it’s going to help in managing it.

    Will: I mean, one of the principles of compassion is common humanity. We create a space for common humanity so people can connect to other human beings that have been struggling, as well. One thing I’ve seen with all the great leaders we’ve had on the show is that in order to access that greatness, vulnerability and authenticity are essential. You have to take a true inventory of yourself in order to access and unleash that next level of greatness. 

    What’s Ahead?

    Amber: If we look ahead, what do you hope that the long-term impact of Men Talking Mindfulness will be?

    Jon: My hope that we help to shift the culture so people see vulnerability, presence, and compassion as strengths, not weaknesses. Let’s say in 10 years, more people are teaching their kids mindfulness. More leaders are leading with that emotional intelligence. Maybe companies are hiring more people based on their emotional intelligence and not just their resume. And then fewer people are suffering in silence. Then I feel that we’ve done our job. Every person who listens and changes, even in a small way, impacts their family, their workplace, their community. Over time, those ripples add up to maybe changing a society, maybe changing the nation, changing the world.

    Will: I don’t have much more to say than what Jon has said. It’s exciting to see the impact we’re already having. If we’re able to have this kind of ubiquitous impact with the men that are plugging in now, it’s exciting to see where it can go. It’s just a matter of amplifying this platform and sharing our platform for other people to plug in. We’re just still holding space for people to travel through, get what they need and go out there and be more mindful and live more compassionately and be better leaders and be responsible for how they’re showing up in the world. I see my relationships in my immediate family and my immediate friends changing. I think we have something to do with that, it’s nice to see that impact.

    Amber: Well, I think if you’re actually starting to change minds and lives within your circles and your family, that’s almost as big as changing the world, really. In my view, that’s deep change. Those are people who wouldn’t fake changing in front of you.

    Will: Yeah, that’s true.

    Amber: I think it’s really powerful and really valuable how much you’ve grown what you’re doing and all the people that you’re reaching. So thank you for all the work that you do. I’d love to finish off on a note of helping maybe a few more people, a few more men to discover mindfulness. When you’re talking with other men who might be new to mindfulness, might wanna give it a try, is there a number one practice that you have, like a type of practice or an exercise that you recommend just to give them a first taste of what that feels like and help them get started?

    Will: Yeah, we’ve been leading this meditation course through Men Talking Mindfulness for the last year and a half. We’re actually gonna launch a new course coming soon. What we’ve seen from all the stuff that we studied from men is the first thing that you can really do to help or have a significant impact on your life is finding your breath and slowing down your breath and getting to know your breath. I cannot believe the incredible impact in just a few weeks of getting to know your breath and working with your breath a little bit through different breathing practices. The light bulbs start going off, because when you get calm and you begin to use your breath as a tool to get calm, you start to see: Oh my God, that’s anxiety. Why do I have so many expectations? Oh my God, I’m a perfectionist. The whole world starts to change. 

    We talk about the biological impacts all the time about mindfulness, but getting to calm drops us into who we are, our biology, the moment, and then we can start to find a new path forward. And it’s simple and it’s free, and you can do it all the time in as little as 30 seconds or a minute, or you can do it for an hour.

    Jon: I would add on with the breath—absolutely fully believe that’s a great place to start—but I will say, with his yoga classes, and men will come in there and they want to be perfect on day one. And I think a lot of men do the same thing with meditation. I did the same. You have to start simple. One of the biggest mistakes men make is thinking that they need to meditate for an hour a day on day one, or have some perfect setup, right? But taking just five slow conscious breaths, like Will said, whenever you feel stressed out or overwhelmed, that can help you to get to calm. That alone can shift your nervous system from that fight-or-flight into that calm and clarity. Then from there, you can explore longer, more in-depth meditations. And we’ve shared some of those on our show. We have some on our YouTube channel. But start small and then stay consistent. It’s very much like the gym. If you go into the gym, and you crush a two-hour workout and then you don’t work out again for two weeks, that two-hours workout was for naught. If you sit down and meditate and you meditate for an hour and then don’t meditate again for weeks, that meditation was for naught. You stay dedicated and you do 10 minutes, even five minutes a day. You stay consistent with it. You’re gonna get more from that. So I say start small, start simple, and then stay consistent.

    Will: We talk about change and transformation, and the C word comes up every single time. Every guest says: Be consistent. Pick one thing. And repeat that thing for weeks. Get the confidence and the courage. It’s been a lot of fun to be able to do that and be able do it effectively and see lives transform.

    The MTM Origin Story + Final Thoughts

    Amber: Is there anything else that you wanted to say or just briefly talk about that I didn’t mention before we close things up here?

    Will: I think to help anybody that’s like reading this article and wants to start somewhere or has been mindfulness-curious for a while, or maybe they’ve tried and dabbled and struggled. I want to say: Get around other people that are doing it or join a group. That group energy around mindfulness is very powerful and very encouraging and you’re more likely to show up. Again, that common humanity is very helpful for people because you don’t feel so alone. You don’t feel stupid or unaccomplished or unsuccessful. You’re like, Oh, well, you’re struggling with that, too. Okay, this is just how it is sometimes. So I think that’s one thing I think people should know as they go on this adventure.

    Jon: I’ll throw in there just kind of the origin story of the show. We have a mutual friend, a military member who introduced us to one another. He heard that I was into the mindfulness space, and he had just done a retreat with Will. What was it done in Peru, Will? I don’t know.

    Will: No, I was in Bermuda, his name is Scott Tucker. We got to give a little shout out to Scott Tucker but yeah, we’re in Bremuda, but go ahead, Jon.

    Jon: Okay, so Scott had just finished this retreat in Bermuda, comes back, he’s like, Hey, you’ve got to meet this guy Will, introduces us. I’m going through my military transition, so I’m getting introduced to a whole lot of people in different industries. Scott introduces me to Will, and I have a phone call with him and at the end of the conversation, Will says, Okay, well, when are we going to talk next? And every time we spoke, Will would say, Hey, when are we going to talk next? So we were having these phone calls once a month about mindfulness and meditation, talking about our revelations, our challenges, new practices that we’ve found, whatever, and then COVID hit. I was watching Will on Instagram, and because Will is a yoga instructor, a lot of his work had to go virtual. So I reached out to Will, I was like, Hey, man, what if we started a meditation and mindfulness Instagram Live where we basically just have those same phone calls that we were having, but we have them on Instagram Live? So we tried it, and we had like, six people tune in for the first few shows. Then we figured out how to rip the Instagram Live audio off and create the podcast. We thought maybe we’d get more listeners as a podcast. So if your readers go back and listen to some of our first shows, you will hear that the audio is way worse. Now we record with professional mics and headphones and somewhat of a studio. Our rooms are set up like studios, but it started really rough. It started as an idea that spawned from COVID essentially and has been going on for five years since then. It’s gone through multiple iterations of different audio software and producers and different video software. But we’ve come a long way, and in and of itself, the show is a mindfulness practice. We pay attention to changes. So that’s a quick down and dirty dump of our origin story, if you will, if you want it to include the story at all.

    Amber: Thank you for filling in that gap, Jon. I think there were thousands of podcasts born during the pandemic, and you’re one of the ones that has survived, and I’m sure that all of the mindfulness that goes into it is a big factor in that.

    Will: Yeah, and I think it’s also one thing that’s really helped us keep the torch lit is us working together. I don’t know if this would be tough to do alone, because it’s a long haul to get where we are. Jon and I inspire each other, keep each other in the arena. Now we are five years later having a broader impact. We have a team that’s helping us to grow, as well. So it’s just awesome to see where it is today.

    Jon: According to Feed Spot, which is a ranking of types of podcasts in the category of mindfulness for 2025, we were ranked number three in the world by iHeartRadio. We were listed as one of the top 10 mindfulness podcasts in the country. And then globally, we are in the top 1.5% of podcasts worldwide. So pretty proud of that. We’ve come a long way, and we haven’t arrived. We’re gonna continue to press. 

    Will: Yeah, thank you so much, for real. It’s a big help to get this out there.

    Amber: Thank you both. It’s been so wonderful to collaborate, wherever we can over the last couple of years. I’ve really enjoyed it and appreciated it when we get to do things together. I can’t wait to see what’s next for each of you and for Men Talking Mindfulness.



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  • A 2-Minute Practice to Calm Anxiety and Nurture Curiosity

    A 2-Minute Practice to Calm Anxiety and Nurture Curiosity

    Anxiety often contributes to keeping us stuck in habits we don’t want. This mindfulness practice lets us soothe racing thoughts by letting us tune in to embodied awareness.

    Over the years, as I’ve studied how habits work in the brain and the ways in which mindfulness can help, I’ve found that curiosity is a simple tool that helps people—regardless of language, culture and background—drop directly into their embodied experience. Curiosity lets us tap into our natural capacity for wonder and interest, putting us right in that sweet spot of openness and engagement. From this state of mind, we’re more empowered to help ourselves break old habits and build new ones.  

    Let me walk you through a simple curiosity exercise. Doing this 2-minute practice can work as a kind of panic button for when anxiety hits. 

    Step 1: 

    Find a quiet comfortable place. You can be sitting, lying down or standing up; you just need to be able to concentrate without being distracted.

    Step 2: 

    Recall your most recent run-in or incident with a habit loop, which is any habit you find yourself returning to whenever you’re worried or anxious.

    See if you can remember the scene and relive that experience, focusing on what you felt right at the time when you were about to act out your habitual behavior. What did that urge to go ahead and “do it” feel like?

    Step 3: 

    Check in with your body. What sensation can you feel most strongly right now?

    Here’s a list of single words or phrases to choose from. Pick only one—the one you feel most strongly:

    • Tightness
    • Pressure
    • Contraction
    • Restlessness
    • Shallow breath
    • Burning
    • Tension
    • Clenching
    • Heat
    • Pit in stomach
    • Buzzing/vibration

    Step 4: 

    Notice where this sensation is in your body. Is it more on the right side or the left? In the front, middle, or back of your body? Where do you feel it most strongly?

    And was there anything you noticed about being curious about what part of your body you felt the sensation in? Did being a little curious help with getting closer to this sensation?

    Step 5: 

    Explore what else you can feel in your body. If the sensation is still there in your body, see if you can get curious and notice what else is there. Are there other sensations you’re feeling? What happens when you get curious about them? Do they change? What happens when you get really curious about what they feel like?

    Step 6: 

    Follow them over the next 30 seconds—not trying to do anything to or about them—but simply observing them. Do they change at all when you observe them with an attitude of curiosity?

    Whenever I do this exercise, I like to use the sound “Hmmmm”—as in, the hmm you naturally emit when you’re curious about something (and not to be confused with the traditional mantra “Om”). I find saying “hmm” to myself gets me out of my head and into a direct experience of being curious. It also allows me to bring a playful, even joyful attitude to what I’m doing; it is hard to take yourself too seriously when you are hmm-ing.

    This short exercise is just intended to give you a taste of curiosity and to support your natural capacity to be aware about what is happening in your body and your mind at any moment instead of getting caught up in a habit loop. If you notice that by being curious you gained even a microsecond more of being with your thoughts, emotions and body sensations than you have in the past, then you’ve taken a huge step forward.

    Sometimes I get the question “What happens if I’m not curious?” My response is to use the sound of “hmmm” to drop right into your experience. Ask yourself: “Hmm, what does it feel like not to be curious?”

    This helps people move from their thinking, fix-it mind state into a curious awareness of their direct sensations and emotions in their bodies and move out of their thinking heads and into their feeling bodies.

    Find more information and science-backed practices for working with your anxiety in the Unwinding Anxiety app.

    Unwinding Your Anxiety Habit Loop 

    Coping with anxiety is difficult, but we can begin to untangle our anxious loops when we recognize how they show up in our daily activities.
    Read More 

    • Kira M. Newman
    • February 28, 2024



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  • A 10-Minute Gratitude Practice to Notice, Shift, and Rewire Your Brain

    A 10-Minute Gratitude Practice to Notice, Shift, and Rewire Your Brain

    When things don’t go according to plan, it’s easy to spot all the ways things have gone wrong. This gratitude practice is designed to change that.

    When we find ourselves in a rut, it becomes easier to focus on what’s wrong and minimize what’s right. This gratitude practice is designed to change that; its aim is to amplify the experience of optimism. Hundreds of studies show that this simple shift leads to enhanced mood, better relationships, and even enhanced physical health. 

    A 10-Minute Gratitude Practice to Notice, Shift, and Rewire

    Audio recorded by Priti Patel.

    1. Begin by finding a comfortable seat, your eyes can either be closed or open with a soft gaze for this practice. Be sure that you’re sitting comfortably and to the best of your ability, see if you can sit with a straight spine. To find that perfect point of balance, you might sway back and forth as well as side to side until you find your ideal seat. Feel your body settle.

    2. Now, take a few slow breaths. Let go of any attempt to control or shape the breath. Let it move in and out naturally. Allow yourself to relax and let go of any tension or stress. Feel a sense of relaxed alertness, grounded yet present.

    3. Start by noticing. Notice your current state of mind. What’s the current tone of mood? How are you feeling right now in this moment? See if you can simply notice with no judgments of good or bad.

    4. Now, let’s shift by taking an inventory of all that you have in your life to be grateful for. Feel gratitude for the people and circumstances that led you to this moment here today. Offer gratitude to your parents and your grandparents. Feel gratitude for the opportunities you’ve had in life, education, travel and work experience.

    5. Consider the health of your mind and body. Offer gratitude for the health of your body. Feel grateful for your mind and intellect. Feel your appreciation for the talents and skills you have. Now, consider your gratitude for the people in your life. Offer your gratitude to your immediate family members. Feel gratitude for your extended family. Feel appreciation for your coworkers and friends. Extend gratitude toward the mentors in your life who helped you grow into the person you are today.

    6. Now, consider your gratitude for the earth. For water. Food. And the air that you breathe in every single day. And now, simply choose the one thing that you feel most grateful for in this moment. Relax every muscle in your body.

    7. Let’s go deeper into the experience of gratitude through a short visualization. Begin by bringing to mind someone in your life who you care for deeply. A parent. A spouse. A child. Or a close friend. Imagine them in your mind’s eye. And recall a moment when you felt a particularly strong sense of connection with this person. This moment could be recent or in the distant past. Allow your mind to go back to this sacred moment of connection. Remember where you were. Picture the scene, the location, the people, the time of day, anything else that you see.

    8. See if you can go back to what you were feeling in that moment. Love presence,  contentment, or true connection. Notice any sensations or emotions that arise in your mind and body. And see if you can let go of any judgments. Good or bad. Try not to analyze. Simply allowing whatever you are feeling to come and go.

    9. Focus on one aspect of this moment that you feel particularly grateful for. The person. The setting. Your emotional state. And let this experience of gratitude flood your entire mind and body. Take just a few more breaths. Continue to focus on this one quality of gratitude.

    10. Let’s rewire the benefits of this practice. Savor this experience of gratitude for just 15 seconds. Really let it sink in. When you’re ready, open your eyes fully. Slowly come back into the room. Move any parts of your body that might feel stiff.

    11. And as you go through the rest of your day, consider expressing your appreciation for the person you chose in this practice, it could be a text, an email, a card or simply a mental wish for them. Then notice how this expression of gratitude changes your day.

    How to Practice Gratitude 

    Practicing gratitude has incredible effects, from improving our mental health to boosting our relationships with others. Explore ways you can be more appreciative in our mindful guide to gratitude.
    Read More 

    • Mindful Staff
    • September 21, 2023



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  • When Mindfulness and Racism Intersect

    When Mindfulness and Racism Intersect

    Barry Boyce: Welcome everyone to Mindful’s podcast, Point of View. I’m Barry Boyce, editor-in-chief of Mindful and mindful.org. And today I have the pleasure of talking with my good friend and colleague Rhonda Magee. Rhonda is a Professor of Law at the University of San Francisco and she’s a mindfulness teacher who’s been focused for some years on issues having to do with mindfulness and the law, mindfulness for lawyers in their everyday work, justice, public policy, and in particular focusing increasingly on issues of inclusively, ingroup/outgroup, bias, and she is pioneering something she calls Color Insight, which we’ll talk about later on. So, welcome Rhonda.

    Rhonda Magee: Thank you very much Barry, it’s good to be with you.

    Barry Boyce: You and I met for the first time, quite a few years ago now, it must be, at a retreat in Kalamazoo, Michigan, in a beautiful forest. I recall we had an opportunity to take a couple of walks around there and get to know each other, and I got a good chance to begin to know you. If you don’t mind, if you could tell a little bit of your background for our listeners, you know how you grew up and where you grew up and then work your way towards how you ended up practicing mindfulness.

    Rhonda Magee: So I grew up in the south. I was born in 1967, right, so 50 years on the planet—50 good years, I would say, although the last few have been more challenging than many in the past. So, born in South, born actually in the last year of Martin Luther King’s time on earth. A very poignant time in American history where we were bringing the civil rights movement, in a certain sense, to a kind of peak in terms of articulating the promises of a movement for inclusivity that would be supported by law and public policy and might change the culture. And so, I think my own journey here was influenced, in some not insignificant way, by the fact that I was born then and there, raised in a family that was Christian, and particularly influenced by a grandmother and others in the family who were deeply committed to religious practice and to a kind of a discipline of daily, what they would call prayer and study, but look very much like a kind of daily meditation, and discipline, if you will.

    So, witnessing as a little girl, seeing my grandmother practice every day, get up in the morning before dawn, commit herself to a kind of centering, and then going out in the world and working very hard. She didn’t have a glamorous job, she cleaned houses for other people and took care of the family and on the weekends helped to support community—She had become a lay minister in a particular Christian tradition. So, I grew up then in a family that was already kind of deeply engaged in the idea of practice and daily practice for one’s own sustenance, in a world that wasn’t necessarily created for our thriving. But also to support us in the work of trying to make the world as livable and kind as possible for ourselves and for our communities.

    There are ways we can call people into conversations about white supremacy with compassion for the fact that we all are in this together. We’ve all been trained away from this conversation.

    I moved from North Carolina to Virginia, did most of my schooling in Virginia, went to the University of Virginia, studied law and sociology at the graduate level, and then ended up teaching at the University of San Francisco. For me, mindfulness came, first of all, in an organic way. I was always very drawn to solitude and drawn to my own developing inner work and found mindfulness in particular or meditation, I should say, first in 1993, the year I came out from the south to San Francisco. And at this moment of new opportunity—I was starting a new job as a lawyer having trained and focused and done all these different things, but also was in this brand new place with everything around me sort of new and different, and starting this fancy job at a law firm where I was the only African-American, only young woman of color at the time in an office of about 70 or so lawyers—I just already knew there were going to be some additional challenges that would come with that beyond the everyday challenges of being a young lawyer.

    So, I felt at that time a need to be more consistent and committed to my own personal practice regimen, and so started exploring ways of deepening my own ground, my own sources of inner support, that were more aligned with who I had become by then. I’m still very inspired by Christ’s message and teachings, and yet, at the same time, for me I needed a way of entering into a spiritual journey that was a little more informed by practices that specifically would assist me in working with my own mind, knowing my own kind of conditioning and habits, and specifically putting myself in a position to deal with stress and to deal with my own reactivity and ways of being in the world that might make for more suffering than I needed to endure.

    So, I was drawn to meditation, I was drawn to mindfulness, and from there just developed a regular practice that led me to teaching and training through a variety of wonderful teachers, including Norman Fischer, a former abbot of The San Francisco Zen Center who has been a teacher of mine for years, and then actually, more recently, 10 or 12 years ago, met Jon Kabat-Zinn along the way, and through his inspiration prepared myself for mindfulness-based stress reduction intervention-type teaching by going to the teacher training program at the Center for Mindfulness. So that’s in a nutshell.

    Barry Boyce: Yeah, that’s a beautiful nutshell. And, you know, it seems to me that you grew up in what we might call today, in the jargon, an intentional community. Your grandmother, you say, who was a lay minister, is it fair to say that you derived a lot of strength from that community growing up?

    Rhonda Magee: Yeah, I mean, it is fair. And it’s also fair to say the community had its back up against the wall, in many ways, right? So, it was still very segregated. My kindergarten school, despite the fact that it was by then 1972 when I was entering kindergarten, it was still officially segregated in the South, nothing had changed, despite Brown versus Board.

    Barry Boyce: Yeah, you hear: “well, during the Jim Crow period” as if that ended.

    Rhonda Magee: Right, it still continues. And yet, it had a certain kind of flavor when it was completely, and in very intensive ways, supported and endorsed by our legal system and by our police and by our churches. Right? So, while segregation continues, actually, in a way that I do think is important to really be clear about, the difference between the kind of very official commitments and explicit endorsements of white supremacy that were in place throughout, even starting my lifetime, between what was in place then and what’s in place now, which is not as much. We’re re-entering, I would say, a period where people are re-embracing white supremacy in a way that actually is quite meaningful and it’s important, and we need to talk about that, it’s part of why I do the work that I do.

    But yeah, I had this period in my life where the dominant message was to respond to and redress white supremacy, to make a society that was fair. And I wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t gone through that period, where we had a civil rights movement that led to changes in public policy, that led to opening up educational opportunities for people like me, opportunities that literally weren’t there before—Actually dismantling, to a degree, the patterns of segregation that had been in place that are resurfacing today. So, I think part of what needs to be understood is we actually did make a lot of change—change that lead to me be literally being here in this conversation with you, that lead to electing Barack Obama as president, and many other things. And we are now at a moment societally where all of that change is facing probably the most intense backlash that I’ve ever seen in my lifetime.

    And so, mindfulness, for me, increasingly became a support for looking clearly at what needs to be seen with regard to those issues. I was already teaching a class dealing with race and law—I have taught such a class at the University of San Francisco and other places, William and Mary College in Virginia. But my main place has been at USF, with very diverse groups of students—from new immigrant families, first-generation students from all over the world, African-American, white students—all coming together to try to learn American legal history and the way in which race and bias has been a feature of our history since the founding.

    Barry Boyce: I’d like to return to that topic a little later on in a deeper way. But first I want to talk a little bit about community. You said you were in a community that had its back up against the wall and yet managed to derive some strength in the middle of that struggle, and even including, in the face of a real hate. I think for a lot of people, mindfulness is something that would be strengthened by community. We (at Mindful) are now in our fifth anniversary, in fact this podcast is our fifth-anniversary celebration podcast, so you’ve been chosen to lead that off. We’re using the slogan of “mindfulness for all” and yet in many ways, mindfulness practice seems to be a phenomenon of the mainstream privilege culture, even though there are a number of good programs that are breaking down some barriers. But, there are a lot more barriers to be broken down, obviously, before we can say that mindfulness feels like something that is truly accessible to all. Could you say something about what you think the barriers are to greater inclusion in a bigger spectrum of mindfulness practitioners?

    Rhonda Magee: Yeah, and it links, I do think, in important ways to this notion of community. I do think that the kind of experience that I shared about growing up in a world where I was very aware of suffering. It wasn’t an abstraction. And the idea of finding support for dealing with suffering and then realizing that this is not a personal project, that indeed, we do what we do for ourselves but we do it in community always. We’re always embedded in community. That was something that was always very apparent to me. And so for me, when I look at the western mindfulness scene, I do think a barrier to allowing its rich potential to infuse and enrich the lives of a broader and broader swath of our human population is the way that it’s taught in the midst of a society that hasn’t reckoned with racism, sexism, and all the other isms, very well. Right? So, a part of the way in which we haven’t reckoned with those things is the hyper-focus on individualism. To disconnect, denude our experience from its embeddedness in community and culture. Right? So, that is kind of hand and glove with racism, sexism, homophobia, all of that, is to deny the relevance of culture, of community, of history. Deep in the cultural structures of this society, of western societies, and many societies in the world right now, are hidden ways of perpetuating the status quo, including perpetuating racism, sexism, et cetera. And one of those sort of subtle ways is to hyper-focus on the individual. It’s not about sex or race. It’s really about you as an individual and whether or not you can overcome. And, through no intentional fault of its own, I think mindfulness has been taken up in the midst of that culture.

    When I look at the western mindfulness scene, I do think a barrier to allowing its rich potential to infuse and enrich the lives of a broader and broader swath of our human population is the way that it’s taught in the midst of a society that hasn’t reckoned with racism, sexism, and all the other isms, very well.

    Barry Boyce: So, what you’re really saying, the first thing you bring up here, in terms of barriers, it’s very interesting, it’s kind of a very deep and subtle barrier of making it a personal improvement project. Is that really what you’re saying? That doesn’t begin with you as a social being who embodies a culture, as part of a culture. Is that really what you’re driving at?

    Rhonda Magee: Yeah, absolutely. You know, it begins with the personal improvement project. And the difficulty is, that there is a very important role for the personal improvement project. The difficulty is that focusing on individual efforts, practice, and so on, is really essential to mindfulness to the liberatory potential of mindfulness, the freedom that can come from that. It’s essential for us to have personal commitments. The problem is that in our society it’s sort of either or, it’s either about the personal or it’s about the social. And yet, if we can open to our own experience we know we’re always already both individuals and a world. And I think, again, the challenge is to convey mindfulness as about a practice for individuals in a world, in communities, in systems. So it’s more nuanced in a profound way, bringing mindfulness forward as it is, which is a support for individuals embedded in communities and systems that are constantly a part of what it is that we struggle with, what sets us up for the particular kinds of suffering that we endure. So, it’s to deepen and move us away from this tendency to only focus on the individual and to infuse it: it’s individual and community, it’s “both and.” And mindfulness, I think, because it opens up our capacity to see things through multiple lenses at once, has a profound ability to help us, and in that sense lead Western culture forward. Because I think our entire culture suffers from these false dichotomies, the inability to see the world through multiple lenses at once, to deal with that kind of complexity, in a world beset with more and more complex problems.

    Barry Boyce: So, that is a very fundamental barrier that we could contemplate for quite a while, and I’d like to see if there are any other discreet barriers that you could mention, or that come to mind, and then I’d like to talk about some practical first steps that might help to loosen those things up. In addition to just what you already said about contemplating that dichotomy and the unavoidable fact of being an individual and communal person at the same time. So, what are some other barriers that come to mind for you?

    Rhonda Magee: Yeah, so relatedly, we largely continued to live in very segregated communities and cultures and systems. And that’s a fact that is one that we struggle to keep coming back to. You know, we know that part of the way we’ve been taught to look at these issues is that we were segregated officially, and now we’re not. And now if communities are racially identifiable or culturally distinct, it’s all a matter of choice. It’s all, you know, a matter of the market. It’s not, about patterns or conditioned habits and also structures, the way we do schooling, public and private, the way we continue to structure our religious communities. We tend not to really see how we are very, very, very deeply still embedded in and committed to, actually, we have a taste for, it seems like, segregation.

    Barry Boyce: We reinvest invest in boundaries that we think we’ve gone beyond, mentally, in our media, we reinvest in those boundaries.

    Rhonda Magee: We really do.

    Barry Boyce: …that you are more different from me than is really the case.

    Rhonda Magee: Yes, and we reinvest meaning, we send our kids to schools that are still very isolated. We move around the country. I live in San Francisco. I hear people find various and sundry different ways to explain why they leave a very diverse region. And often my white friends, for example, find themselves in much more white spaces after the “stresses of the city.” And, you know, sometimes this racial piece of it is mentioned, often not widely, but maybe in these quiet conversations. I had a young woman come and talk to me about a friend of hers; it’s often, you know, speaking about a friend, not myself. This young woman was an immigrant from Eastern Europe and she had another friend, an immigrant from Eastern Europe, who came to San Francisco and said she wanted to move away because she wanted to be around more Americans, and by that, she actually meant more whites.

    There still is a way that part of the legacy of white supremacy in America is that we define what it means to be American, still and in the eyes of many both domestically and internationally, as white. And that is what we are still up against, is what we have been seeing emerge in the political culture and the discourse around making America great again. So there’s a deeply embedded desire, or kind of a way in which we keep moving into segregation and reinforcing it, reinvesting in it, as you say. We’re all in that world. So, even mindfulness organizations are built up in networks that are already very segregated. All of our networks for reaching out, finding potential teachers, finding people to come to our organizations, our events, they’re already very segregated. And so, we are up against that challenge of, again, living in a society that’s already structured to push us apart. And those dynamics are coming from so many different institutions that it’s actually very hard for any institution to start reaching out to adults, adult learners or adult practitioners, and saying let’s come together from these very different places of relative segregation and isolation.

    And so a concrete way to address that is, I mean, there are short-term steps, but I actually think a longer-term cultural change is what has to happen. This effort must outlive our own lifetimes. It will. Another problem we deal with in the West is very short-term focus. If we can’t imagine our efforts realizing some gain tomorrow, or at the outside six months from now, we’re not sure it’s worth our time. We are not going to change these patterns in this country that took hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years to embed without a commitment to changing them that is at least as farsighted.

    We are not going to change these patterns in this country that took hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years to embed without a commitment to changing them that is at least as farsighted.

    Barry Boyce: Are you suggesting that if you have too much of a hunger for immediate results, you won’t really commit? That you really have to take on that notion that we’re planting seeds in a garden that we will not see flower? I haven’t really thought of it that way: If silently in your mind you think you want to see a short-term gain, you just give up…

    Rhonda Magee: It’s very easy to get frustrated.

    Barry Boyce: You think… this neighborhood isn’t going to change.

    Rhonda Magee: Yes, the community isn’t going to change, this meditation group isn’t going to change.

    Barry Boyce: Yeah. So yeah that’s very helpful. Keep going.

    Rhonda Magee: So, we need both a very long-term commitment and a lot of patience, both of which, I think, are gifts from me of my own mindfulness practice. And not that I’ve gotten there, right, I’m a work in progress just like everybody else. But to be able to sit with the frustration that comes with, oh, here we are again trying to address this same issue of the denial of white supremacy in our history with people who, once again, don’t want to talk about. It’s frustrating.

    Barry Boyce: How does patience square with the possibility of falling into apathy or not being willing to call somebody on something?

    Rhonda Magee: So it’s “both and” again. You know, realizing there’s time for, and a place in our own being in the world, for patience. And there are times for, and a place for, being in action. And it’s again, it’s not either or. It really is both. So there are ways we can call people into conversations about white supremacy with compassion for the fact that we all are in this together. We’ve all been trained away from this conversation. So, it’s going to be hard. It’s going to have to go by fits and starts and be interrupted, maybe even for years in a single organization because we’re not ready for it yet. To really deal with these issues is high pay-grade level mindfulness work. It isn’t for people who have not really come to see the depth of what it means to see clearly, what it means to work with our own conditionings, to sit in the fire of the painful recognition that, oh my mind actually does orient me to people who look like me. Oh, I do feel safer. Honestly, I wish I didn’t, but in fact I do feel safer when I’m in these places. Mindfulness can help us with a lot of the really subtle difficulties of doing the work that must be done to dismantle these patterns and habits that draw us to reinvest in segregation. Mindfulness compassion practices, these actually can help.

    Mindfulness can help us with a lot of the really subtle difficulties of doing the work that must be done to dismantle these patterns and habits that draw us to reinvest in segregation.

    So, it’s actually, it’s both that kind of patience that comes with a mindful holding of a multi-generational looking back and forward at the same time type of project. Because we are both, looking at a particular history is how we got here and trying to imagine a future for our children and our children’s children that will be much different. And then trying to work towards that future, in part by trying to redeem our past, looking at the role our particular communities, our particular families, our cultures have had in setting us on this journey that we’re on that keeps pushing us in corners and polarizing us. What’s been the role of our family, our culture, my neighborhood, my own conditioning in those tendencies? How can I address those and at the same time realize that we’re not going to address them overnight? We can’t. It will not happen overnight. We didn’t get here overnight. But we can take steps, we can take steps.

    Barry Boyce: You know, as you’re talking about how we feel more comfortable in certain spaces, it reminds me of what some of the fabric of culture is made of: cultures are made of ways of being together, they’re made of language. And there’s a principle called high context communication, that, say, within your family and in North Carolina you have a particular way of talking and being, and communicating that everyone understands together. And if you bring somebody else into that they feel awkward.

    Rhonda Magee: Right.

    Barry Boyce: How do we deal with the power of cultures and yet try to do something that’s transcultural? Do we need to create some embryonic mindfulness communities that we are at first, maybe, artificially structuring so that there are more types of people involved? Do you understand I’m driving at?

    Rhonda Magee: I do.

    Barry Boyce: And I know that you’ve been a longtime board member of the Center for Contemplative Mind in Society, and it has some very big aims in terms of helping to transform all sorts of systems with mindful awareness. So how would you respond to what I’m talking about there?

    Rhonda Magee: So, I thank you for this question. I think that it is getting at really the deep challenge that we’re talking about. You know, I’m a teacher in many different senses. As one example, I get to have 14 weeks with one group of students. But I’ve developed a course that I teach, for example, over 14 weeks, one called Contemplative Lawyering, one called Race and Law, Race in American Legal History. And in both I’ve been allowed by the institution that I work in—not everybody’s gotten this kind of permission wherever they might be—to actually bring mindfulness and compassion practices together r with looking at the legal structures that support both oppression and may support fighting for a more just world. So, what I do in those classes for 14 weeks is help the students develop a kind of community, a kind of new way of being with the suffering that they have seen, naming it, having the language to speak—so, emotional intelligence—having the language to talk about what suffering looks like from their high context and to try to translate that into something that others in that room, a very diverse group, can understand and find their way into from their own high context position, their position of difference. So, what we do in those 14 weeks is really try to practice this. But, I do think something along the lines of those kinds of intentional engaged communities, where we say, “We, this group of people, is gonna meet on a regular basis.” And so I, like others, you know, John Paul Lederach, who’s an internationally known peacemaker, a practitioner of peace and writer about peace studies. You know, he’s talked about how we have to have these conversations with each other that we’re willing to stay in for a lifetime. Like, meet somebody for coffee that will start a conversation that will last for the rest of our lives. And that’s ultimately what I think we need to do. So, they’re going to be many small ways of doing that—an eight week course that’s focused on coming together regularly, a 14-week course, a yearlong course, a community gathering space, where we drop in and we drop out, but we know we’re building the capacity to do this together and to come together.

    So, I don’t think there’s one way to do it, but I do think, once we start having this kind of conversation where start seeing there’s a need for both a kind of intentional commitment to community that is about trying to open the doorways into our different ways of being based on our particular context, our particular cultures, and connect across them. There are so many ways to do that once we decide that’s what we want to do. So, I think the first step is to see the imperative. We live in the 21st century, a radically diverse world and country right now, our own America, but interconnected with a world whose cultural and other differences are very, very profound. And yet we have never developed the intentional kinds of technologies, if you will, that address in deep ways what it means to bring people together across those cultures. I think mindfulness and compassion can help with that.

    We live in the 21st century, a radically diverse world … and yet we have never developed the intentional kinds of technologies, if you will, that address in deep ways what it means to bring people together across those cultures. I think mindfulness and compassion can help with that.

    Barry Boyce: Well I think, one of the things I hear you recommending here is that, in addition to long-term patience and short-term persistence, is that maybe there are possibilities for the kind of embryos I was talking about, in the sense that your semester is a time and a place in a container where we can’t hide. And with mindfulness, we have an opportunity to engage, with some kindness and compassion, the ways in which we invest in separateness.

    Rhonda Magee: And also just learn from each other and live with the experience of togetherness. We don’t have that. We don’t have a lot of experience to draw on.

    Barry Boyce: Yeah, actually, that’s interesting. Because in that if you’re living that experience you actually can get some reward from it, that begins to taste and feel good to you, you want more of that, and that I hadn’t really appreciated until you just said that.

    Rhonda Magee: This is very true. This, I think, is the heart of it. I mean this is why desegregation and integration when it worked, and I will say I think it worked in my own experience in many ways. Policies of bringing people together, you know, I was thrown into a school that was affirmatively trying to be bussed for desegregation, and all that. But it was at a time when the community had stopped resisting, publicly. So there weren’t people out on the streets, parents saying no. We were going to school together. That meant we went to band class together. Meaning whites, African-Americans, and the 10 or 12 percent of “other” in the south—it was mostly black and white and a small percentage of so-called “other” so people from a variety of different backgrounds. But we were in that, in those close spaces working together, and learning from each other, in a way that actually was joyful. And, I do think, that is what my students experience in those classrooms. I know. I mean, I’ve had students marry people, who find themselves move from: “I couldn’t imagine dating outside my group,” to “I’ve now married a person from a totally different culture and it was because of what happened in that class that made it possible for me to do that.” So, I do know that the heart of this is Joy. I do think that we don’t understand how we’re all missing out on the joy of rich human community.

    We think that, you know, the greatest benefit is what we’ve been told it is, right: How to make the pie bigger for our own. How to make sure my children, you know, have one step ahead of other people. These are the things that we’ve been taught to fight for, to strive for. We haven’t had enough experience with another kind of powerful means for success—which is, what it means to be a rich, diverse, culturally nuanced community. We just don’t know that, most of us, and therefore we are afraid of it.

    Barry Boyce: So I think that’s an excellent jumping off point for talking about color blindness. And you firmly reject that idea of colorblindness in favor of what you call, a term we’ve coined, color insight. Can you describe the difference between those two?

    Rhonda Magee: Yeah. So color blindness, is this idea that, and it comes from a beautiful place, I think, but the idea is that the way to get beyond bias is to just not see it, not talk about it, not recognize ever, as much as possible, in our public discourse—not to recognize that these differences exist. In fact, our brains don’t operate that way. Of course, we know differences exist. We’ve been raised in a world that has taught us a lot about what these differences mean. So, whether we’re talking about race or gender, We are we notice these things.

    Barry Boyce: I think you may have used a practical example with me before, at one point. You could say that law is colorblind, but then, when you’re in a courtroom your brain and your mind can perceive that there is, in that young black defendant, there is a palpable weakness against the system represented by the bench.

    Rhonda Magee: Right. So that is the question: How do you deal with the fact that we do notice these things and yet our culture has been telling us: “Don’t mention it. Don’t talk about it. In fact, if you raise it you might be called racist. If you if you turn us toward that you might be part of the problem, that might be divisive.” So yeah, it’s a very interesting thing that we did over the last generation. I will say it happened over the last generation, although, that’s a kind of an oversimplification of it. But, we’ve got this beautiful language from Martin Luther King, his “I have a dream” speech. He wants a world in which his children will be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. And there has been a, sort of a, cynical way that that beautiful aspiration, which, for King was always embedded in a knowing of the depth of the way in which we do see each other through race and through those lenses. That was taken as a kind of a clarion call to simply put these issues in a box and not talk about them, not ever recognize them, not gather data around race anymore.

    So, there are many different ways that this idea of colorblindness has shown up in public policy. The reality, though, is when you go into a criminal courtroom in San Francisco, I’ve had a friend of mine who teaches juvenile justice and has a clinic for helping law students go in and represent young juveniles who are threatened with conviction. She’s relayed to me how her students have come to her with these sad stories of young black or brown juvenile who’s entering into those courtrooms in San Francisco. And there’s one story, in particular, stands out for me where the young juvenile entering the system leans over to their student representative, law student, who’s trying to develop a way of dealing with the system trying to support this young person. The juvenile leans over and says: where’s the court for white kids? Because all the kids in the system around them are brown or black. And they know white kids are getting in trouble and doing the same kind of stuff, but they’re not in here.

    So, that’s the way in which we’ve tended to mute our conversation. It’s not that we don’t see or understand or perceive the world around race, we’ve just silenced ourselves around it. And that is what colorblindness is really meant, color inability, that kind of awkwardness, inability to talk about it, not that we don’t see it. So, there’s that. There is a way in which that term doesn’t actually track reality. And there is also a bit of a kind of a critical response to the use of colorblind because, the disability rights community, for example, has pointed out that there’s a way in which there is already an ignorance, if you will, around the capacities of people who are not sighted, and we don’t want to use blindness to associate it with this other kind of ignorance.

    There are many ways that people have said, let’s really look at this language colorblind. In fact, what we’re talking about is color evasion, denial of the reality of these aspects of our lives. An enforced awkwardness, an enforced silencing. And, for me, the alternative really is to develop our capacities to actually effectively address these issues. I have used the word, the phrase color insight to point to the way in which, again our groundedness in mindfulness and compassion practices, and in the capacity to just sit in silence for some periods of our lives, moments of the day, moments of an interaction, and try and really develop a sense of insight: what is going on here? The metaphor of insight, if you will, is something that I think is important to be brought to bear as a counterpoint to blindness, if you will, that we have been you know raised up within the last generation.

    In fact, what we’re talking about is color evasion, denial of the reality of these aspects of our lives. An enforced awkwardness, an enforced silencing. And, for me, the alternative is to develop our capacities to actually effectively address these issues.

    Barry Boyce: So, how does that tie into mindfulness? How can mindfulness practices help cultivate this kind of insight—The ability to see difference and yet begin to transcend, in some sense.

    Rhonda Magee: Well, again go back to my own way of thinking from mindfulness, which is not just as short-term very personal self-improvement intervention. It is it is about having a regular daily commitment to a kind of practice that is about awakening and awareness, in a very deep way, that is ongoing for one’s life.

    If mindfulness is about really cultivating the capacity to be present to reality, to this moment, but to see it as embedded in a kind of context, then mindfulness is, I think, a way of being with this part of reality in a more profound way. And so it’s seeing mindfulness, first of all, in this richer deeper way. It’s not limited to these personal daily practices for clarifying the mind for productivity. It is those things, and then deepening our capacity to see the interconnectedness of all. The way in which my being able to sit for five 10 20 30 minutes a day is tied to a certain kind of structure of convenience that is not open to everybody. So, in other words, there are ways that our practices can really enhance and open up our capacity to see interconnection everywhere and our capacity to be with suffering on a long-term basis. And these are the kinds of insights and skills that are essential to this work of dismantling, on a long-term basis, the patterns that lead to bias and oppression.

    Barry Boyce: So to the extent that the somewhat over popularized view of mindfulness, and it’s great that mindfulness is becoming popular, but there is a kind of a dominant mainstream cultural vibe that’s developing that associates it with kind of escaping, it’s just time out. But you’re suggesting that it very much also needs to be time in, where you really now, you know, you have the capacity to look with less fear and more openness. And I think that does tie back to, you know, your semester where, if you do that in community you get a little bit of a bravery from peers to doing it. Don McCown, who teaches mindfulness in Philadelphia, is very much of the mind that mindfulness is a group practice, and mindfulness-based interventions are done in groups and people have opportunities in those structures to reveal themselves in very important ways. You and I both know Cheryl Petty, we’ve been to a conference together with Cheryl down in Virginia, and, I’m paraphrasing something that Sheryl said, folks who know equity work deeply, who know about the deep historically embedded sources of systemic bias and racism, such you’ve been talking about, they don’t tend to know much about mindfulness.

    Rhonda Magee: It’s true.

    Barry Boyce: It hasn’t infiltrated that academic community all that much, or the activist community all that much. And by the same token, people who know mindfulness deeply don’t know much about deep historical ingrained tendencies and might have a tendency to overlook those kinds of things and think that, well you’re just aware and kind then everything is going to be fine—I’m doing anything racist right now I’m just meditating.

    Rhonda Magee: Right.

    Barry Boyce: Cheryl was suggesting these two need to get together somehow.

    Rhonda Magee: Absolutely. Cheryl and I are very much on the same page about this. I think Cheryl’s insight there is right on. It is absolutely true. Again, part and parcel of the way our society isolates, silos, we kind of get into our line of discourse and we often fail to see some of the ways that we need to connect with others. Our mindfulness discourse over here does need to find its way into a conversation with social justice activists, people who are trying to change the world, and vice versa—That social justice discourse actually needs to kind of infuse, get connected up, be a part of the mindfulness movement. This is, again, where patience is essential, even though we want this change to happen right now. It’s not easy. I speak from the position of one who has been seeking to bring these two discourses and communities of practice together for 20 years— maybe 10 years explicitly, 20 years implicitly. But I’ve been doing this work for long enough to see, it’s really hard. And it’s hard for reasons that are totally predictable.

    I completely understand why, if you’ve been raised in a world of social justice activism, you may not have come across mindfulness and these other ways of being with our conditioned habits and practice in reactivity. That might not have been a part of how you got into social justice activism. And similarly, I completely understand how being brought into Western mindfulness may not have come through the door of social justice activism and awareness around those things. I get it. But when you really get it you start to see, with some compassion, that if we’re going to make a difference around these things we have to refine what we’re doing, deepen our capacity to reach out even in the most difficult places, and stay in connection despite the frustration that will inevitably arise when we feel like we’re not moving fast enough.

    So, I think Cheryl’s comment is really spot on. And I can imagine a world where, a generation or two from now, we are teaching social justice, as has begun to be the case not only in my class but in other classes. Beth Barilla is teaching anti-oppression work around gender, and so on, through the lens of mindfulness and compassion. Others around the country are starting to do this. I can imagine our children might be invited into classes that both heighten their awareness of social injustice and what it means to fight against oppression. But also are supported with some kind of practices, whether we call them mindfulness or otherwise. And similarly, I can see training for mindfulness teachers, in fact I know that’s also starting to happen, but I can imagine a generation from now that we when we train teachers in mindfulness, part of that training is a rich deep look at who that teacher is in terms of their own conditionings around these social identity issues, of race, of gender, of immigration status, of disability, of class. The way in which mindfulness teachers are trained right, ultimately, I think, needs to be infused with this understanding as well.

    If we’re going to make a difference around these things we have to refine what we’re doing, deepen our capacity to reach out even in the most difficult places, and stay in connection despite the frustration that will inevitably arise when we feel like we’re not moving fast enough.

    Barry Boyce: You know, I think, in this conversation that the three of us were having, I’m remembering a practical example that came up, and this reminds me of something you said earlier about people having the time and luxury to meditate. Somebody was talking about a program for social activism where there was a mindfulness-based program and there was total silence at all the meals. And it was an artificial imposition of a structure that was not inviting. And we have to examine all the assumptions about what we think is absolutely required to make a certain kind of mindfulness space or retreat.

    Rhonda Magee: I think that’s absolutely true. And that, again, we don’t do overnight and we don’t accomplish with a workshop. These are deep patterns of change. This is what structural change looks like, to start to say: what are the assumptions about what we need to do for this to be about mindfulness that might actually be off-putting to many of the people we would want to feel at home here. And, you know, so there are people like Ed Ng who’s a cultural heritage Buddhist who has been actually criticizing some of what the Western mindfulness movement has brought to bear. And one of the lines of critique that he’s made that I think is worthy of amplification is, how it is that we have tended not to look at closely enough that how some of the traditions from which mindfulness emerged, Buddhism as its practiced, include not just sitting meditation and sitting in silence and those kinds of trainings that we associate with preparation for being a monk or of the kind of deep immersion that has been identified in western mindfulness as what mindfulness means, the sitting practice. It’s very important, but, if you listen to heritage Buddhists, people who have come from cultures which have been infused with these practices for a very long time, they talk about the work of coming together, shelling peas together, cutting and preparing the food for a meal together, sitting together in a way that is infused with the fact that we are in a human community together. So, it can be partly in silence, of course, but also infused with loving connection.

    So that again would take me back to the kind of community I grew up in, where it wasn’t about what we called mindfulness, or it wasn’t from a Buddhist tradition certainly, but we really were embedded in a sense that we were, we held hands, for example, when we got together. It was very common that when we would come together at some point there would be actual physical contact, which, again, for people whose backs are up against wall, which, I would say in a certain sense, all humankind is feeling this sense of bereftness of what it means to be embedded in loving community. Being able to actually, you know, in appropriate ways, reach out and connect, and again, we need social psychology and neurobiology to affirm this, it’s doing so, right, the research is confirming the importance of just human touch. And so, there is a lot of different ways that we could, as you say, examine the assumptions we bring and then it could show up in different things that we do come here in mindfulness gatherings.

    Barry Boyce: You know, it’s interesting, in terms of Buddhism and mindfulness, you know there’s a way in which, in it coming to the west, lots of parts of the bigger spectrum of Buddhism have been stripped away. At the same time there’s also a way in which Buddhists can also be kind of reactionary almost, in feeling that Buddhism possesses mindfulness. But mindfulness is actually a basic human trait and there are many traditions that have cultivated mindfulness. I think we need to work at that from both ends. Speaking from the point of view of a magazine and a website that’s committed to cultivating mindfulness and mind training and in public context where we know religion, per se, needs to be, let’s say, left at the door. But you know what doesn’t need to be left at the door is sacredness, community, and the fundamental values—and I think that any pushing away of that, either for religious or secular reasons, is problematic.

    Rhonda Magee: I completely agree. And again, you’re touching on the challenge. I do know that some people believe that we solve this by bringing Buddhism back in to mindfulness. But, again, that would be, in my view, a kind of oversimplification of what the challenge is. So we can both recognize these various different streams of Buddhism, and the various different manifestations of it, the cultural heritage piece of it that needs to be honored, and the diversity within and amongst all those things, without then saying that the answer to the challenges that we face in mindfulness, and in bringing in a sense of community and connectedness, is to bring Buddhism fully back in. I don’t think that’s what we need. I do think though, it means, as you say, really looking at what’s the rich deep underlying set of values and ethical commitments that have been at the core of inner work, whether we call it Buddhism or Christianity, whatever it is, Islam. There are core ethical and, I would say, values-based commitments that have a certain set of things in common. I think when you and I met at that retreat so many years ago, I think, part of the purpose of that was to try to look at what is in common across all these different traditions. And so that is a conversation I am always up for. I do think, again, it’s another way into this conversation about dealing with difference while recognizing sameness all at once.

    Barry Boyce: You know, I think that that relates a bit to the colorblindness thing in the sense that roots matter. There’s a good tradition that’s developing in Canada now that at most public gatherings of some kind, well certainly many, I don’t know if it’s most, there will be a statement at the beginning respecting that we are on Aboriginal land. There is a, you know, quality just that little bit of indication at the beginning that kind of transforms your thinking. If I think about your grandmother, her roots are a big part of who she is and if you just say, well everybody’s kind of basically the same. We all shop at the Piggly Wiggly. You know, you have to listen to somebody’s deep roots.

    Rhonda Magee: Yes. I’ve certainly been mindful of some of the wisdom that’s coming out of the Canadian context. But just this idea, certainly, of honoring groups and honoring lineage and also, again, you know, being able to deal with the good, the bad, and the ugly that comes with looking at our lineage. Not sugar-coating it, but to really recognize that, first of all, we all have some lineage. As we deepen our capacity to honor where we have come from and how we end up here together, we enrich who we are from that. We strengthen our capacity to go forward with broken-heartedness and with joy. Right? All of that is going to come up when we really get more real about who we are. I honestly feel that is really a kind of a potential gift and benefit of mindfulness that we haven’t quite figured out how to talk about—quite figured out how to see or live our way into—but it’s this ability to be real.

    As we deepen our capacity to honor where we have come from and how we end up here together, we enrich who we are from that. We strengthen our capacity to go forward with broken-heartedness and with joy.

    Barry Boyce: I think that’s quite beautiful, you know, that if you look at roots and lineages you have to look at the really bad parts, too. Our roots are part of who we are, they are not all of who we are.

    Rhonda Magee: Exactly.

    Barry Boyce: You know, it reminds me of the fact that that you are a triple University of Virginia grad.

    Rhonda Magee: Yes, I am.

    Barry Boyce: A fine institution, that has a beautiful thing there called the Contemplative Science Center, founded by Thomas Jefferson, a very high-minded person who was also a very aggressive slaveholder.

    Rhonda Magee: Yes. He did not found the Contemplative Sciences the Center, by the way, but the University of Virginia itself.

    Barry Boyce: Yes that’s right. We should be clear on that. So, I’m wondering how you must have felt as somebody who spent so much time at the University of Virginia and got so much from it, I imagine, when you saw what happened in Charlottesville, I mean, how did that feel for you?

    Rhonda Magee: Thank you for asking. It was devastating, really, because the images that were shown all around the world brought me right back to those physical locations. I spent eight years in Charlottesville undergraduate law and graduate sociology. But eight years in that community and so every step of the march that the tiki torch carriers did, that’s on ground I’ve walked probably much more than most of the people carrying those torches. The statues around which they were circled, I literally stood by one of those statues when I first started trying to practice public speaking and gave a little speech out there. And the place where Heather Heyer was murdered, that street is one walked many times. I had a really close friend, a partner for a time, who had a job right on that same street, so we would literally walk those streets. So, for me, to see this place, that I knew very viscerally and personally as a source of community, be taken over in service of division, and to be a site for the fomentation of that kind of very ugly underbelly that is in our culture, but to see coming up there was really, really difficult. At the same time, it wasn’t shocking, in the sense that, I have long known that this underbelly, this undercurrent of American culture has never gone away. So, despite the fact that I was trained like everybody else to sort of believe that we had moved into a world of colorblindness and post-racial this and that, you know, I grew up in a world which told me otherwise. Constantly being reminded of the different ways that race still mattered and that white supremacy and male supremacy were still desired in our country. I’ve lived knowing that. So seeing that was painful but not totally surprising to me.

    Barry Boyce: So I just have a couple more questions. It’s been it’s been so wonderful, as it always is, to talk with you and I don’t want it to end. But, all good things must come to an end. I just have a couple more things, though. When you’re talking about white supremacy and male supremacy, I’m reminded of the term intersectionality, meaning that biases don’t come in singular packages, you can be at the intersection of several biases.

    Rhonda Magee: Yes indeed.

    Barry Boyce: But, intersectionality is also a complicated academic intellectual term. And part of the way that we make change is by examining and studying the world and coming up with new words and concepts and sharing those kinds of insights. And a lot of that happens in academia, but then, when it reaches beyond that, it’s difficult language. Even if you have academic training, you might not have academic training in that particular discipline, so it becomes very hard to follow. I mean, I find it a very interesting challenge because I’m not saying in any way at all that these disciplines and languages are not important and extremely helpful, but, how do you work with that? Because you are an academic, and you are an activist as well, and a teacher.

    Rhonda Magee: Another great question. It’s a very present issue, this question of how to talk about what we’re talking about in ways that bring people into the conversation and don’t push them away. It’s a feature of life in academia that we do develop these terms that are what we are using in our little world. And then when we try to come out and communicate with others we can lose lots of people. This is a problem that all so-called elites are facing right now. That is to say, we haven’t figured out, well enough, just how to communicate what it is that we see in the world beyond our little circle of concerned other parties who speak the same language. So, yeah, I sometimes don’t use the word intersectionality—even though I completely understand it and completely live it—because I think it’s not as well understood even by people who use it. It’s a term that emerged to try and capture, as you pointed out, the reality that these patterns of othering—So that’s a word that I think people understand a little bit better—And the experience of it, right, of being an “other,” being a person who doesn’t really fit in and doesn’t belong, or being a person who represents a group who has tended to be on the margin, if you will.

    Using the word othering and belonging, which is something that John Powell and others who do this work have been emphasizing, those are words that I think capture, as well, something about what it is that intersectionality is meant to capture, which is, the ways in which we are “othered,” or made to feel unwelcome, differ profoundly depending on our particular characteristics. So, it’s going to be different for me as a black woman who came from a kind of a relatively poor background in terms of access to resources including education prior to my own generation, and all of that. There is a way in which being a black woman from a poor background, sort of positions me—and I would say a poor background who’s now moved beyond that, so now I’ve seen the other side of the class divide in my own lifetime—All of those are very unique aspects of positioning on a very dynamic social landscape. And if we only are talking about race, we’re missing the way that gender is race or race is gender, right? So that, our experience of race has a gender dynamic to it that only others who are similarly situated really are kind of able to see in the same way. And even individuals who are all black and female, let’s say, we’re not experiencing the world exactly the same either.

    So, what begins to happen is we start to push on the vast oversimplification that runs with identity conversation. There’s a lot of oversimplification that we’ve just gotten used to. The idea that when we say Black woman we kind of know what that means, or when we say white male. I mean, actually, these are just beginning, they’re just kind of surface, that might touch upon something that is an invitation, as far as I’m concerned, into, what does that mean in this person’s experience? What does it mean in mine? What does it mean in yours? But I think terms like intersectional are meant to try to push us in the direction of, not being so simplistic in the way that we think about these things, but we need better language because the language isn’t there.

    Barry Boyce: Well, you make a very good point about how the intention behind having that word intersectionality is to undermine simplistic concepts that we assume have a solid meaning, a solid identity: Black women. White man. And, you can and you are finding ways to do that outside of the academic community, finding language, such as, simpler language like othering and belonging that can reach wider without, again, assuming that there’s something wrong with the academic language.

    I want to end on one note because I would be remiss if before we left we didn’t talk about your role as an educator of lawyers. Day in day out in your life you’re educating lawyers who will go on and do things in the world. I’d just like to end by hearing you say something about how your mindfulness work, and you’ve already talked about your classes, but how your mindfulness work informs, could inform both how they practice Law, day in day out, and also the much larger notion of how justice is exercised in the world since, as Dr. King said, the arc of history is long but it inclines towards justice. So, what would you say about how mindfulness informs your role and in preparing our future lawyers?

    Rhonda Magee: Well, I do agree with this idea that the moral arc is long, but it bends toward justice. And I would add, it bends because people bend it towards justice. There is no inevitability towards that. I mean, that’s just a fact. So, part of what I think mindfulness in law does is help prepare students for the work of bending the moral arc of the universe toward justice. It’s work. And being a lawyer gives one a particular position—which is another kind of identity, location in the world—it gives a person a particular role, potential role to play as an advocate, as a person who assists in bridging communities, right. There’s a lot of different leadership and other roles that lawyers are invited to play. A lot of that, frankly, historically, has been about maintaining these unfair systems. And so the real challenge is to be part of the system, but not fully of it. Be enough a part of it to understand it, but also be a kind of a place in their system, a voice, a spirit, if you will, for a different way.

    I do agree with this idea that the moral arc is long, but it bends toward justice. And I would add, it bends because people bend it towards justice. There is no inevitability towards that.

    And so that shows up in teaching students a little bit more about how to listen to clients well, how to meet their suffering, because most people who come to a lawyer are in some form of distress or trying to avoid being in it, right. So there are concrete ways that we help lawyers by helping them listen, by helping them have emotional intelligence and empathy, I could say more about those concrete things. But, at the same time, really, those of us bringing mindfulness to law are seeking to bring a different view to a law that recognizes nuance more effectively, all the things we’ve been talking about: sees paradoxic and can deal with “both and,” a little bit more effectively, is aware that adversarial modes of resolving conflict are just one set of tools in the toolbox of an effective lawyer, but there are many other ways to help people resolve conflict and come together around some sort of issue of disconnect. So, it’s a project that is about both helping expand the sense of what it means to be a knowledgeable and skillful and grounded person who can help others in the midst of conflict, and help us structure a world through law right. So, it’s about expanding the skill set. But it’s also about, really helping prepare a new generation of people in this profession who can help us bring about a world in which, to quote King again, right, he saw justice as what love looks like in public.

    Okay, so that’s actually Cornel West, who’s taken King’s statement of justice as, justice for King was love, correcting that which stands against love. So, it’s all about realizing that there is a role to play in bringing a kind of compassionate, caring, meeting of our struggle through our systems. And that that public face of love is what justice is all about. And so, that is what I’m trying to do to, kind of, work with my law students. And what that looks like looks like one thing in my torts class, my personal injury class, one thing my race Law class, one thing and the retreat side for lawyers. But it is about creating a different way of being in this profession that I hope in a generation, in the years beyond my lifetime, will make it more of a source of loving public engagement with the challenges of life as opposed to just adversarialness.

    Barry Boyce: Well that’s a beautiful point to end on, and it reminds me that we started earlier talking about mindfulness as being so much more than a personal improvement project, more than just relaxing and in what you have to say, and what you do, you really embody that. And this has been such an inspiring conversation and so great to spend this time with you and I’m glad we can celebrate Mindful’s fifth anniversary together like this.

    Rhonda Magee: Thank you so much, Barry. This has been a joy for me, too. And I’m really grateful for the work that Mindful has been doing, that you’ve been doing in the world. So, with great respect and honor for what you do.

    Barry Boyce: Thank you very much. Until next time.



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  • The “About To” Moment: Teaching and Modeling Response vs. Reaction

    The “About To” Moment: Teaching and Modeling Response vs. Reaction

    Children learn largely by example. Susan Kaiser Greenland explains how the “about to” moment can foster awareness and compassion.

    Have you ever noticed a funny feeling in your body the split-second before doing something you later regret? Maybe the funny feeling is a tightening in your chest, or a flush of heat rushing to your face, or a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. These funny feelings can take place in what Western meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein calls the “about to” moment. This moment is the split-second before you speak or act.

    We can train ourselves to identify when the “about to” moment is occurring in our lives, and notice the internal signals that accompany it. By paying attention to the physical sensations that sometimes accompany an “about to” moment, we have an opportunity to pause before acting and reflect on what we’re about to do or say. This is a chance to ask ourselves critical questions, like:

    • “Why choose to act in this way?”
    • “How does it make me feel?”
    • “Will what I’m about to do or say lead me and my family closer to, or further away from, genuine happiness?”

    Parenting in the “About To” Moment

    The “about to” moment has special relevance to parenting because it is also the place and time where we choose (whether consciously or not) what we teach our children by example. It is a chance to shift direction if we recognize that our automatic reaction to a stressful situation is not consistent with our image of the parent we hope to be, or the adults we hope our children will become. Character development is a life-long process, happening through repeated actions both large and small. One place it happens is during the countless “about to” moments in our lives.

    In 2018, several prestigious universities published a study about the effect of spanking on three-year-old children. They reported that three-year-olds who had been spanked by their mothers more than twice in the month prior to the time they were assessed by researchers had an increased risk for higher levels of child aggression at age five than children who had not been spanked.

    Even though this finding is consistent with a well-established body of academic literature on the topic, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents refrain from spanking entirely, the reporting of this study has been somewhat controversial. In the comment section of several blogs about the research, some people have taken offense. Perhaps because many parents continue to spank their kids, even those as young as three. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, more than 90 per cent of families report having used spanking as a form of discipline.

    The “about to” moment, when a parent chooses to spank a child, is an opportunity for the parent to ask what he or she is trying to accomplish. Spanking is, at the very least, a stressful life experience for both parent and child, and it is well known that stressful life events can have a profound impact on brain development, especially in young children.

    In their book Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential, Dr. Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz explain that when early childhood experiences are nurturing and empathetic, a child’s nervous system will wire up one way. If early childhood experiences are stressful, harsh and frightening, the same child’s brain wires up in a different way. “About to” moments can make learning and later relationships easier or more challenging. I doubt that any parent, upon reflection, hopes that his or her actions will make it more difficult for kids to learn and get along with others at school or home.

    Self-Reflection, Compassion, and Modeling

    The “about to” moment is also an opportunity to reflect on the quality that one is reinforcing within oneself and modeling for one’s kids. For example, is striking out in response to behavior that we disagree with/disapprove of a quality that we want to strengthen in ourselves? Is it one we want to model for our child? Will teaching children that it’s OK to hit other people help them become their best selves? Help them have an easier time on the playground? Lead them toward genuine happiness?

    The choices that we make in our “about to” moments determine who we are and who we will become. They also let our kids know loud and clear what’s important to us. Making the choice to exercise restraint, empathy, compassion and even-handedness time and time again is how these qualities become habitual in both parent and child. For example, when our kids see us being kind to others, we’re both practicing kindness ourselves and modeling it for them. When they watch us exercise patience while waiting our turn in the grocery line or when stuck in traffic, we’re both modeling patience to our kids and practicing it ourselves. When we find nonviolent ways to address inappropriate behavior we’re both modeling nonviolence and practicing it ourselves.

    To borrow from Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Character is higher than intellect.” It is the choices we make in the “about to” moments—choices we make over and over again all day every day—that determine our character and set an example for our children to follow.


    For more, watch Susan Kaiser Greenland’s video, Teach your kids awareness with an apple!



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  • Opening Up to Painful Emotions With A Gentle Practice

    Opening Up to Painful Emotions With A Gentle Practice

    Taking a moment to pause can enable us to move in the direction of suffering, to work, and to alleviate it, with wisdom and compassion.

    This is a meditation that I sometimes rely on when I find myself feeling the reactivity that comes up from what’s happening in the news, what’s happening in our communities, what’s happening in our country, and what’s happening in the world right now. Whether it’s because of the pandemic, a shooting, or an unnecessary killing of a good human being—it happens too frequently. It happened to Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and countless others. 

    Take a moment to pause with all of the news coming at us, especially if you are someone who seeks to move in the direction of the suffering, to work, and to alleviate it, through actions and engagements in the world. This gentle practice can provide support to you in remaining grounded as you open up to information that may cause you pain. 

    A Gentle Practice for Opening Up to Painful Emotions

    1. Noticing any of these kinds of reactivities coming up for you, you can, as always, just take a few deep and conscious breaths. And as you do so, you’re turning your attention in a very purposeful way toward these sensations that are coming up for you beneath the breath and in the body. 
    2. Taking a long, slow breath in, and a gentle, even longer breath out. Continue to follow the flow of your breathing as best you can, resting your attention there.
    3. On an in-breath, breathe in for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven, and then release for a count of eight. We’re doing the four, seven, eight cycle here. So on the next in-breath, breathe in for four counts, hold for seven counts, and then release for eight counts. Repeat that four, seven, eight cycle of breathing in and out one or two times. Breathing out through the mouth, if at all possible.
    4. Now settle into a natural rhythm and as best you can, maintain awareness of the quality of your breath—in and out. And rest as best you can, along the river of these sensations, resting in the long, broad, and deep now.
    5. As you rest, gently call to mind your desire and the will you have inside yourself for peace that begins with you. For well-being that begins right here, right now, in your own body and being and spirit, for justice that begins here.
    6. Perhaps on the next in-breath, consciously focus on the love and compassion that exists in your own heart. The peace that can begin with you right now—extending through you, right now.
    7. As you breathe in, bring greater awareness to this love. This warm, loving softness within you. Or other characteristics that you sense in your own experience, other ways you would describe your own warming heart and the will in your heart for justice and positive social community, for global change.
    8. As much as possible, allow yourself to completely feel the compassion in your being for everyone who’s suffering—obviously in a way that includes you, includes all of us. And particularly those who are suffering the most in your community and in the world right now, wherever they may be.
    9. So as you breathe in and out, breathing in the sense of awareness of the love in your heart, and breathing out very consciously, sending loving support toward all those you believe to be in need of it in this very moment.
    10. Breathe in a sense of your own loving heart and what is well within you, and while breathing out, gently extending the wish for well-being from your own head to toe, and flowing out through you, to the communities you meet and touch and work with. And out as far as my reach can go, circling the globe.
    11. As you bring this meditation gently to a close, take a moment to appreciate all that you are, all that you do. The body that is carrying you through this very life in all its perfect imperfections—just as you are. 
    12. Call forth an intention for staying grounded and holding with grace, your spirit, your being, and your energy for the work today.

    Follow this practice and other meditations guided by Rhonda Magee on her SoundCloud. 



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  • When You’re Depressed: Is There Room to “Let Go”?

    When You’re Depressed: Is There Room to “Let Go”?

    Feeling overwhelmed is a common trigger for my anxiety attacks. A project doesn’t go as well as I’d hoped or I miss a deadline, and fear and insecurity rise in my mind and body. “I’m going to be judged and found wanting,” goes the narrative. “They won’t want to work with me again. Who was I anyway to take on such a job? I’m an imposter. I always fall at the last hurdle.” My heart starts racing, my stomach churns, my muscles stiffen. These sensations are unpleasant, so I tense up further in an unconscious attempt not to feel them, even while my attention is pulled in their direction. Oh no, says a new thought. Why am I getting so anxious and blocked.

    With so much energy expended internally, there’s less available to attend to daily matters. Panic may set in. “Now I can’t get any other work done,” my mind laments. “It’s the old cycle downwards again. I’m cursed with depression.” The familiar pressure builds up in my nose and chest, making it difficult to access any other feelings, and the negativity starts to spiral: I won’t be able to cope, I’ll be left with no money, no energy, unable to dig myself out of this hole. The doom-mongering thoughts fuel even more anxiety. It could go on indefinitely—a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    With so much energy expended internally, there’s less available to attend to daily matters.

    But hang on a minute. If these thoughts are just thoughts—and probably mere projections, tainted by the negative bias that comes especially at times of stress—then there’s no need to follow them. Anxiety is a feeling, and I know that feelings come and go. Yesterday’s thoughts and feelings were different, so who’s to say my internal weather isn’t due another change? There are patterns of experience, for sure, but this moment is just a vibration of energy experienced in consciousness, created by constellations of events in the mind, body, and outside world around a so-called “me” that in reality has no fixed location. Ideas in the mind are in flux, sensations in the body are in flux, and the trigger events are already receding into memory—no more than traces of causal energy that set the winds of mental and physical habit blowing. Suddenly, with this shift in perspective, thoughts, and feelings are no longer facts, and there’s not even a solid, single, separate “me” to feel upset or hurt by them. There is just experience, happening on and on. It’s painful experience right now, to be sure, but just energy in motion nevertheless. I’m changing from moment to moment, too—everything is in flow, as it always is. This won’t stay the same, and nor will I.

    “No Feeling is Final.”

    Rainer Maria Rilke once said: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” We can make it even less personal. Just let everything happen (drop the “to you”)—watch and feel each aspect of the mind–body–world show play out on the stage of consciousness, experiencing it all with interest and kindness in the knowledge that the moment is already and inevitably on its way to becoming something else. If the energy is allowed to play out by itself, the next moments are less likely to be conditioned by misguided attempts to turn what is flowing into something solid, or to push away what is here so it’s no longer part of the moment. Neither solidifying nor separating from the moment can ever be successful, because the moment is always both here and in transition. But if there is no depression to get stuck in, and no self to get hurt, then everything in mind, body, and life can flow like an undammed river, with energy streaming through without the defensive psychic barriers that serve only to turn that energy in on itself.

    By shifting perspective and approach—experiencing without grasping and resistance—this moment has already become different from how it might have been.

    Negative thoughts—as well as the bodily symptoms of fear—may still be present. But they are not “mine” any more. They just are—present remnants of past events that do not need to be turned into unnecessary future suffering. By shifting perspective and approach—experiencing without grasping and resistance—this moment has already become different from how it might have been.

    A Mountain Meditation to Help You Shift Out of Panic Mode

    This mindfulness practice, often referred to as “the mountain meditation,” can help us center in our bodies especially in the midst of life’s shifting swirls. By imagining and then embodying the steadiness of a mountain, we’re training in being present to the weather of the world, as well as to our own internal weather: our thoughts and sensations.

    1) Settle into an upright, comfortable sitting posture. Present and awake. Gentle and steady. Connected to the ground below. Body rising up into the air.

    2) Imagine in your mind’s eye a beautiful mountain. It could be a mountain you’ve climbed or viewed from a distance, or perhaps one you’ve seen in a film or picture. Or maybe one you’ve just conjured up in your mind. Either way, visualize a mountain that for your embodies majesty and magnificence, full of natural wonder.

    3) Notice the awesome qualities of the mountain: See in your mind how its foot is grounded firmly in the earth and how it rises up into the air unapologetically and fully taking its place in the landscape. Bring awareness to its solidity, its stillness, its strength, and its size. Come day or night, storm and sun, winter and summer, the mountain abides in the space, sitting still in its landscape, unwavering whatever the weather. It doesn’t have to do anything. It just is. A beautiful mountain. Amazing just by its very existence. And whether it’s sunny, snowing, blowing a gale, hot, warm, cool, or cold, the mountain just is there, sitting present.

    4) Notice your own mountainous qualities as you sit here. Just like the mountain is plugged into the earth, so your feet are connected to the ground. Your body rising upwards like the body of the mountain. Your head rests on your shoulders like the peak of the mountain and you can be here, fully present like the mountain sits in its space. Your body and being as miraculous as the mountain that evokes such wonder just by its presence. Like the mountain, being an embodiment of stillness, solidity, beauty, without having to do anything else.

    There may be weather going on of course: events in life, thoughts, and sensations ebbing and flowing in the internal and external environment. Whatever the weather, just for now, practice being a “breathing body mountain.” Naturally wonderful, whether the weather seems pleasant or unpleasant. Let the climates of the world happen: being rained on, shined on, snowed on—stay present as best you can to whatever comes.

    5) When the mind wanders, invite attention back to the sense of being a mountain or if you prefer, let your attention rest on the mountain in your mind for a while before returning to sensations in the body. Let go of the need to feel a particular way. If you don’t feel mountainous, that’s fine.

    This practice invites you to cultivate a quality rather than fabricate a feeling: just being a “breathing body mountain.”

    This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus). Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.



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