Health Journal Online

Tag: Self-Compassion

  • A 12-Minute Meditation for Awareness and Release of Self-Sabotage

    A 12-Minute Meditation for Awareness and Release of Self-Sabotage

    This week, Angela Stubbs gently guides us inward, helping us explore self-sabotaging patterns with compassion and kindness.

    Most of us know what it feels like to be our own toughest critic—caught in patterns of self-doubt or self-sabotage that keep us from fully embracing who we are. When these moments arise, we may feel tension or even resistance within ourselves.

    In this meditation, Angela Stubbs gently guides us inward, helping us explore these patterns with compassion and kindness. Through six stages, she invites us to bring awareness to these feelings, accepting ourselves without judgment and affirming our worth.

    Notice that the patterns and the thoughts and behaviors around self-sabotage are just ways that we’ve learned to cope with things in our lives, ways that we’ve learned to respond to stimuli in our lives.

    With each stage, we cultivate a sense of warmth and resilience, creating space to move beyond self-doubt and reconnect with our inner strength. This practice offers us a chance to release the hold of self-criticism, embracing a more gentle, patient approach toward ourselves.

    A Guided Meditation for Awareness and Release of Self-Sabotage

    1. Today, we’re going to see if we might meet ourselves with some tenderness around the ways in which self-sabotaging patterns and moments show up in our lives. We’re going to see how we might work with them. That’s going to look different for everybody. 
    2. First, find a comfortable posture or position, either seated or lying down. Gently close your eyes. Or if it feels better for you, lower your gaze and take a nice deep breath in. Feel your chest expand and the belly expand with the breath. Pause for a moment at the top of that breath and slowly release it, allowing your body to settle. Continue to breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, and allow yourself to notice the sensations of the breath. Give yourself this moment to relax and be here without thinking you should be anywhere else or be doing anything else. 
    3. Now, bring your attention inward, noticing any sensations in your body. Feel the weight of your body, supported by the ground or chair, releasing any tension you may notice. That tension lives in different places for all of us, so notice where that is for you. See if you can find that center of gravity by rocking side to side gently, just to remind yourself that you’re sitting. And as you notice the sensations in the body and where you might be feeling tightness or tension, allow yourself to be here and fully connected to the experience of sitting and being. 
    4. Next, bring some gentle awareness to any patterns you might be aware of that you would consider to be self sabotage in your life. You don’t need to deeply dive into what that is for you. We’re not looking at ways to judge ourselves for the ways that we notice self-sabotage or patterns of behavior that don’t serve us to be a part of an ongoing narrative that we’re helping to make bigger and worse for ourselves. Rather, we’re taking inventory and just noticing: How might that show up for you? 
    5. Remember, it’s going to look different for everyone. We’re just trying to recognize. Does that look like people pleasing for you? Maybe it looks like putting people’s needs ahead of your own, or it might show up as not speaking up when you have something to say. Maybe you have a habit of holding back. Or just maybe it’s that harsh inner critic that never shuts up. We all have one. We’re just noticing those spaces in your life where those narratives might be more prevalent. 
    6. Now, let’s shift the way that we think about those stories. Notice that the patterns and the thoughts and behaviors around self-sabotage are just ways that we’ve learned to cope with things in our lives, ways that we’ve learned to respond to stimuli in our lives. All we’re doing is seeing if we can observe those patterns and those behaviors with some kindness. The goal here is not to beat ourselves up about the fact that these things exist, but rather embrace them with some kindness and a little tenderness.  
    7. Pay attention to how difficult it may or may not be for you to offer some compassion to those parts of yourself. One way that this gets a little easier is when we envision extending the warmth and the tenderness and the care that we would give to a friend or to someone that we care about.  
    8. Envision drawing in that compassion for yourself, placing a hand on your heart. Place your right hand on your heart and then put your left hand on top of it, and hold that space there in the heart for yourself. As you breathe in and out, let go of any self-criticism you might have around these patterns. 
    9. As you do this, just observe your thoughts: What are your thoughts around this topic? We like to attach a lot of meanings to the thoughts as they arise. The goal here today is just allowing them to be here, noticing that they’re here and not needing to do anything about it. You’re not justifying to yourself or to anyone else why it’s here or how you feel about it. So whether you’re thinking of something and you feel self-doubt, or frustration, or that fun inner critic decides to pay a visit—see if you can observe it without engaging it or pushing it away. 
    10. If it helps, give yourself an inner mantra, something that reminds you that you are worthy of kindness. You’re good enough as you are. Think of something that feels right for you to repeat in your own mind for the next minute. If self-sabotaging thoughts arise, greet them with compassion and remind yourselves of your wholeness, your capacity for change.  
    11. Take a final deep breath and fill yourself with compassion. Exhale slowly, releasing any remaining tension. When you feel ready, gently open your eyes and bring the sense of mindful self-compassion with you as you reenter your day.



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  • 5 Mindful Reasons to Lean In to Self-Love

    5 Mindful Reasons to Lean In to Self-Love

    This article is independently researched and written by the Mindful editors. However, we may earn revenue or commission if you purchase via links included.

    Even today, the idea of loving ourselves often gets a bad rap. Won’t that make me egotistical? we might think, or, Shouldn’t I spend my time and energy caring for others first? Or, we seek love and acceptance exclusively from other people, forgetting that we can always find them within ourselves.

    Both mindfulness teaching and scientific studies show that, far from leading to self-indulgence, a daily practice of self-compassion can have powerful benefits that extend beyond ourselves. As leading Mindful Self-Compassion researcher Kristin Neff writes, “We can learn to embrace ourselves and our lives, despite inner and outer imperfections, and provide ourselves with the strength needed to thrive.”

    Benefits of Self-Love

    With inspiration from our community of mindfulness teachers and experts, we’re sharing five reasons for everyone to cultivate self-love.

    1. Loving yourself supports improved mental health and well-being, as well as positive habit change. Many of us were brought up to think that being kind to ourselves is equivalent to being complacent or lacking the drive to “better” ourselves. Whole sections of the self-help industry have made millions off this assumption that we need “tough love” to force ourselves to change. Fortunately, current research shows that the reverse is true.

    As clinical psychologist and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy trainer Diana Hill shares, “Self-criticism lowers your self-confidence and increases anxiety and depression, undermining your ability to take steps toward change. In contrast, self-compassion motivates you to make healthier decisions and care for yourself.”

    2. Self-love is part of healing from hurt and trauma. Once thought to be a result of living through catastrophic events such as wars or natural disasters, trauma is now more broadly understood by researchers as “normal reactions to abnormal circumstances.” Whether or not a person experiences trauma after going through something difficult depends on a complex set of factors, including available coping mechanisms, access to the resources needed to bounce back, and community response.  

    While it is important that anyone seeking to heal from trauma be supported by a mental health professional, beginning to cultivate self-love is one powerful tool for a healing journey. When we offer ourselves care and compassion, this helps create a sense of inner safety and acceptance, instead of (in many cases) blaming ourselves for something that happened to us. Ali Smith, Atman Smith, and Andres Gonzalez, who work with youth in disadvantaged communities in West Baltimore, summarize this by saying: “Trauma closes all of our hearts. Self-love practices can open them.”

    3. Self-love creates more thoughtful, resilient leaders. All types of leaders risk burning out, whether they are responsible for a committee, a company, or a classroom. Leaders often care so much about the work itself—and about the people they are leading—that they neglect their own well-being. While genuine care for others is a leadership asset, it isn’t sustainable if we never take the time to fill our own cup. 

    CEO and leadership consultant Georgina Miranda suggests several ways that we can incorporate small habits of self-love and self-care into our leadership style: “When the world feels heavy and overwhelming, we can take a pause and ask ourselves: What would actually be helpful in this moment?”

    4. Self-compassion makes us braver, more mindful communicators. Most of us prefer to avoid what Mitch Abblett calls “the muck of difficult interactions—the blame, shame, resentment, and anxiety,” if we have the option. Even if we are willing to talk about the problem, humans are neurologically wired to slip into reactive habits such as blaming, bias, or defensiveness.

    When the time comes for a tough conversation, a foundation of self-love is our ally. Self-compassion practice allows us to stay grounded and present in the moment, so even if things start to get heated, we are able to engage with respect and consideration for all involved. Abblett says, “Bringing more flexible awareness to discomfort seems to open pathways to communication, even when it’s quite challenging.”

    5. Last but not least, loving yourself affirms that you are already enough. One reason we often seek love from others instead of ourselves is that we want someone else’s approval and acceptance–things we often don’t feel we can give to ourselves. We may spend years chasing accomplishments and accolades, and yet still feel unfulfilled. External “wins” are wonderful, but if we can’t accept ourselves as we are, it will never feel like enough. 

    Jenée Johnson offers this reminder that self-compassion empowers us to release perfectionism and realize that we are already worthy of acceptance and love: “You are a unique and perfect expression of life. No one before you and no one after you, is like you. Your journey is composed of experiences and the things you think, do, and pay attention to with consistency. You are enough.”

    Practice Self-Love With Mindful Affirmations

    Meet the Self-Love Affirmations Deck: A collaboration between Mindful and Mindfulness.com that reminds us all to fuel our heart and mind with the deepest kindness.

    Each of the 52 cards in this brand-new deck draws on the time-honored wisdom of mindfulness teachers and traditions, whispering notes of self-love, optimism, and inner courage and strength, so you can take on whatever comes your way.

    Guiding your journey on this path, each card is also embedded with a QR code. Simply scan it with your phone’s camera to access a special collection of 25 guided meditations from beloved teachers, curated specifically to enhance self-kindness and self-care.

    These cards are perfect for those of us who want:

    • Increased self-esteem: Choosing to love yourself, no matter what, can boost your self-worth and confidence, enabling you to approach life’s challenges with a positive and resilient mindset.
    • Reduced anxiety and improved mental well-being: Having a self-compassionate perspective helps in managing stress and anxiety, promoting a sense of inner peace and calm and nurturing emotional balance.
    • Self-care for all: Using Self-Love Affirmations makes it easy to bring mindfulness and self-compassion into your daily life, wherever you are on your journey.
    • Beautiful practice tools: The Self-Love Affirmations cards are created to last and, most importantly, to be enjoyed. Featuring a matte finish, silky smooth texture, and sturdy cardstock, you’ll want to bring them everywhere you go.
    • Versatility in our practice: Ideal for personal reflection or as a meaningful gift, the cards can be used in various settings, including personal meditation, family bonding time, or group activities in educational or professional environments.



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  • 5 Minutes of Mindfulness Brings Real Benefits, According to Science

    5 Minutes of Mindfulness Brings Real Benefits, According to Science

    While on a mindfulness retreat, Eli Susman, a PhD Candidate in psychology at the University of California (UC) Berkeley, was surprised by the day’s schedule. The emphasis at Plum Village—the monastery of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh—is on mindful living, which is different from other retreat centers that include long periods of sitting meditation. 

    As the days went by, Susman felt a growing desire for a more formal practice and decided to sit in meditation under a tree. Before he knew it, three hours had passed.

    Relaying this to a friend (and monk) later that day in the monastery’s tea house, the monk’s eyes widened and then he smiled. “How about three breaths?” he asked Susman. “That’s all you need to tune into the present moment.”

    “That really struck me,” says Susman. “What if that’s really enough to make a difference in people’s lives?”

    When it came time to launch his PhD research program, Susman decided to explore the idea of short practices, or “micropractices.” These brief interventions are designed to use the most potent elements of a practice to meet the needs of people in less time and at a lower cost. “Some of the biggest barriers to engaging with, and benefiting from, contemplative practices are developing the habit of doing it, and also having the time to do it,” he says.

    Evidence suggests that when it comes to meditation, short bursts may be just as beneficial as longer stretches. One randomized controlled trial found that four shorter 5-minute mindfulness practices were just as effective as four 20-minute practices in improving depression, anxiety, and stress. Another trial found that more frequent daily life mindfulness practice (being mindful during normal activities such as exercising, working, or doing household chores) helped to buffer ongoing stress.

    Love Thyself (in 20 seconds a day)

    Susman was keen to investigate a micropractice of self-compassionate touch, an aspect of mindful living that he believed could have a significant impact on mental health. Evidence has shown that self-compassionate touch can lower salivary cortisol levels (a measure of stress in the body) and may be as effective as receiving a hug from another person.

    In his study, Susman’s team included 135 undergraduate students and randomly assigned them to two groups. The first group was taught by video to practice self-compassionate touch for 20 seconds a day. This usually involved placing a hand on the heart space and another hand over the belly, followed by thinking kind, compassionate thoughts toward oneself.

    “But they were also told they could use other forms of touch,” says Susman. “What was most important was that the method of touch supported them in feeling compassionately toward themselves.”

    The second group followed the same video procedures, except the students were given different instructions that involved a finger-tapping exercise and were not told to use self-compassionate thoughts.

    For the average college student who participated in the study, Susman found no differences between the intervention and control groups on measures for self-compassion, growth mindset, positive affect (the scientific term for ‘feeling good’), perceived stress, and mental health issues.

    “If you meditate five minutes a day, every day, it’s a lot better than meditating half an hour once a week.” -Natalie Karneef, meditation teacher

    However, among those who practiced the intervention daily (38%), the researchers found greater improvements in self-compassion, stress, and mental health relative to those assigned to the control group.

    The team was very surprised by the size of the effect, which was comparable to outcomes from other trials that studied time-intensive interventions. Susman points out that short practice times do add up over weeks or months.

    Why You Should Try a Mindful “Micropractice”

    This finding ties in with the philosophy of “marginal gains,” often used in high-performance sports or business. The idea is that tiny margins of improvement in every step of the process can lead to larger gains over time. One meta-analysis of over 200 trials of mindfulness-based programs found that there was no evidence that larger doses are more helpful than smaller doses—it was greater frequency and consistency that appeared to provide better benefits.

    Certified meditation teacher Natalie Karneef agrees with this. “I think just pausing and coming out of the hamster wheel that most of us are on during the day is a really good practice,” she says. “If you meditate five minutes a day, every day, it’s a lot better than meditating half an hour once a week.”

    Karneef also feels that the compassion element of mindful living often gets left behind in a culture that she says is very uncompassionate. “The way that mindfulness is sometimes taught is a bit like a sport or a discipline. You can focus or still your mind but without compassion, it turns into another thing we’re trying to excel at,” she says.

    “Meditation is not a solution for capitalism,” adds Karneef. If it’s too difficult to quiet the mind for 20 minutes a day, Karneef says this is not an individual issue that should be individually solved. “That’s a structural and systemic issue that we need to recognize as a bigger problem.”

    Mindfulness alone, at any length of practice, is not necessarily recommended as a sole solution for more serious mental health issues. “Brushing your teeth is not a replacement for seeing the dentist, and doing micropractices wouldn’t replace getting more comprehensive mental health support,” says Susman.

    Both Susman and Karneef point out that meditation and self-compassion are challenging for many people because of the nature of modern life. It may be unrealistic to expect that we can counter the onslaught of information and activity we face each day with any amount of sitting meditation practice, which is why regularity is key.

    “Every length and type of practice is important—I really believe that,” says Karneef.



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  • Mindful Reading Guide: Contemporary Authors to Deepen Your Practice

    Mindful Reading Guide: Contemporary Authors to Deepen Your Practice

    Literature allows us to take time out to stop and listen to the important and diverse voices and varied perspectives on mindfulness. The following contemporary authors have woven mindfulness into their works, inviting readers into mindful reading to explore introspection, presence, and serenity. Here, I’m sharing my personal experiences with these authors’ works and how they have enriched my mindfulness journey. 

    Swan Huntley • Tarcher Perigee

    So many of us access the same tools when it comes to cultivating a mindfulness practice, but I’m always interested in new and different ways to deepen my practice. Swan Huntley is at the top of my list when I look towards tools that invite me to embrace mindfulness through a slightly different lens. Her illustrations are reminders that keeping it simple and having a sense of humor isn’t a bad thing. As I read through her “anti-self-help” book, I find myself asking myself, How can we take ourselves less seriously? 

    You’re Grounded is a refreshing take on the self-help genre, offering practical advice with a humorous twist. Huntley’s witty and relatable approach makes mindfulness accessible, encouraging readers to find balance through laughter and self-compassion. One of the book’s standout moments is when Huntley writes, “Once in a while, I walk from East LA to the beach (it’s far), and every time, I think: Am I literally trying to walk away from myself right now?” Aside from reminding Angelenos of the Missing Persons lyric, “Nobody walks in LA,” Huntley addresses the flaneur in all of us. As she walks the streets of Los Angeles, she makes mental notes to improve anything that makes her feel “less than” and settles for the idea of improvement vs. the thing itself. These pages remind us of the human condition and our tendency to place obstacles on our path toward leading a more mindful life. Swan Huntley has tips for all of us to get out of our own way and embrace mindfulness with good, gentle humor. 

    Read Swan Huntley for practical advice about mindfulness and keeping a sense of humor and self-compassion.

    Danielle Dutton • Coffee House Press

    In mindfulness, where every moment invites us to experience the world with heightened awareness, literature offers us the opportunity to get lost in a narrative, and sometimes, without realizing it, we find ourselves coming away from our experience with a heightened sense of ourselves and our surroundings as a result. One such work that offers a profound exploration of this concept is Dutton’s latest book, Prairie, Dresses, Art, Other—a shimmering and perplexing collection that defies the constraints of traditional prose. Dutton, most recently known for her novel Margaret the First, shares a new series of essays and experimental writings that challenge conventional storytelling notions. Her work is not merely about conveying a narrative; it’s about capturing the ineffable—the feelings, the sensations, and the fleeting moments that often escape words. With an intellectually stimulating and mischievously playful style, Dutton’s writing invites comparison to the form-breaking thrills of authors like Anne Carson or perhaps even Gertrude Stein. Her stories are curious and help readers land someplace they’ve never been. To my mind, this is what all good writing should do. 

    At its core, Dutton’s book explores how stories can transcend their textual boundaries to offer something far more moving—a sense of presence, a way of looking or knowing, and a space wherein we can fully attend to the world at hand. Through these essays, she poses questions that deeply resonate with the mindful reader. How can a story embody a specific way of seeing?  How might we write about something that isn’t meant to be read but felt? The questions that arise feel reminiscent of those asked of the reader in John Berger’s Ways of Seeing. How does our perspective influence the narrative? Or does it?

    How does our perspective influence the narrative? Or does it?

    Through its genre-bending structure, Dutton’s book becomes more than just a collection of essays; it’s an invitation to engage with the text mindfully, considering how words move us and how a narrative can help us shift our perspective. For those who read with a mindful eye, this work offers a different opportunity to explore the intersection of life and language by examining the collage of art, literature, and consciousness that Dutton has artfully curated in these pages.

    Read Danielle Dutton for her attention to detail and a keen eye for observing people, objects, and art, a la Gertrude Stein, while keeping us engaged through different writing styles and spaces of experience.

    Ocean Vuong • Penguin Press

    Embracing mindfulness through literature involves examining how stories affect us—how they evoke introspection, empathy, and compassion. Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous showcases the true healing power of storytelling. His exploration of identity, memory, and trauma is delivered with lyrical grace. One striking excerpt from Vuong’s work is, “In the body, where everything has a price, I was a beggar. On my knees, I watched, and watched, but could not see. Only through words could I be.” A curious mind is only one of the necessary ingredients for a good writer. Vuong is an excellent storyteller, and the vulnerability he taps into to share his story helps the reader reflect on their stories and find solace in self-expression.

    Vuong’s depiction of desire as a vehicle for “failing forward” is particularly fascinating. He frames much of his narrative as a meditation on failure and its stigma, suggesting it is a necessary tool for success, both as a human and a writer. He states, “In this country, we shame failure. When people fail, we cast them aside, but for queer folks, failure becomes a necessary practice towards success, so we fail forward. I think I wanted the book to keep returning to failure until it triumphs despite its bumbling.” Vuong echoes Samuel Beckett’s call to “Fail Better,” an idea requiring significant awareness and mindful action. By engaging with Vuong’s work, readers can cultivate mindfulness, allowing for failure as part of their journey toward personal growth and understanding.

    Read Ocean Vuong to witness the transformative power of language and the act of writing as a form of mindfulness.

    Renee Gladman • Dorothy, A Publishing Project 

    To After That by Renee Gladman is a contemplative exploration of the writing process. It combines equal parts memoir and fiction in a manner that deeply resonates with the principles of mindfulness. Gladman invites us on a journey to complete an unfinished novel, inviting us into her thoughts and struggles as she grapples with the act of creation. This introspective narrative is not just about writing but about the experience of being present with one’s thoughts, emotions, and insecurities.

    Gladman’s work emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, asking us to embrace the moment, a core tenet of mindfulness. Her reflections on the challenges and joys of writing mirror the mindful practice of observing without judgment. She shows how the writing process, like mindfulness, requires patience, acceptance, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. And if you’ve ever sat down to write anything, you will also have experience with the harsh inner critic that emerges. 

    The writing process, like mindfulness, requires patience, acceptance, and a willingness to sit with discomfort.

    Through her poetic and fragmented prose, Gladman captures the ebb and flow of inspiration and doubt. To After That is a compelling recommendation for those interested in mindfulness, as it illustrates how integral mindfulness is to our creative process. What happens when we are attentive and present? How does our creative process help enrich our understanding of ourselves? Keeping a sense of “don’t know mind” allows for anyone creating to do so from a genuine place of authenticity.

    In one passage, Gladman writes, “To write is to trace the contours of thought, to follow the meandering path of the mind.” To be mindful is to pay attention to what’s happening when we sit, just as a writer does when they sit down to write. Being curious is the connective tissue where mindfulness and creativity are concerned, and Gladman’s innovative approach to narrative encourages readers to do just that. When we embrace the unpredictability of life, we are better able to find meaning in the journey. 

    Read Renee Gladman for a meditation on the creative process, filled with fragmented thoughts and reflections that echo the complexities of the mind.

    John Freeman • Copper Canyon Press

    When I’m looking for ways to ground myself, I often look toward nature. Sinking my toes into the sand on Santa Monica beach is always my go-to when I want to connect to the earth. But when I can’t get to the beach, I look to John Freeman’s poetry to help me find my center. Freeman has authored three poetry collections. His latest, Wind, Trees, explores the intersection of nature and humanity. His poems are infused with a sense of wonder and reverence for the environment, making them a perfect companion for mindful reflection. One of Freeman’s most moving observations, “The trees teach us patience, standing tall through seasons of change. In their stillness, we find our own,” captures the essence of mindfulness, encouraging readers to learn from nature’s quiet strength.

    John Freeman’s poetry, particularly in poems like “The Park” and “Maps,” offers profound insights that invoke a need to look more closely at our surroundings and our emotions. Cultivating inner awareness seems like a natural by-product of Freeman’s poetry. His ability to draw wisdom from the natural world encourages a reconnection with nature and a search for stillness in its quiet strength. As Freeman writes in “The Park,” “Everywhere I turn, the earth reclaims us, the leaves of time falling softly.” His poems lead readers on a contemplative journey through both external landscapes and inner terrains, inviting a profound reconnection with the natural world and their inner selves.

    Read John Freeman for his attention to detail and evocative imagery that encourages readers to pause and appreciate the present, fostering a mindful awareness of life’s transience.

    The Way Forward

    Yung Pueblo • Andrews McMeel Publishing

    Yung Pueblo‘s latest book, The Way Forward, is the compelling conclusion to his profound trilogy on mindfulness and personal growth. This third installment invites readers to delve deeper into the journey toward authentic living and harmonious relationships. With his signature poetic style and profound simplicity, Pueblo guides us through the complexities of our emotional landscape, offering practical tools for healing and transformation.

    In The Way Forward, Pueblo expands on the themes of his earlier works, Inward and Clarity & Connection, exploring the evolution from self-love to unconditional love, the power of letting go, and the profound wisdom found in true self-awareness. He eloquently captures how intense emotions shape our behaviors and shows us how to release the past for genuine growth.

    “True healing begins when we allow ourselves to feel the full spectrum of our emotions, and through that process, we uncover the strength within.”

    Yung Pueblo

    Pueblo’s prose is both accessible and profound, making mindfulness a tangible practice for everyday life. He beautifully articulates, “True healing begins when we allow ourselves to feel the full spectrum of our emotions, and through that process, we uncover the strength within.” This book is an enduring support for anyone seeking to navigate life’s challenges with grace and cultivate lasting inner peace

    Read Yung Pueblo to read the things on paper you already know in your heart to be true.

    All of these authors have varied voices and unique perspectives that have allowed me to deepen my mindfulness practice. I constantly call upon these works when I need to reflect, both as a writer and a human, on what it means to be present with what’s on the page and in my own day-to-day life. Life typically leads us down a long and winding road, which makes these contemporary voices all the more critical when we look for guidance and inspiration in the pages of their books. 



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  • Compassion Is Key to Our Survival

    Compassion Is Key to Our Survival

    A fun fact about hummingbirds is that they are wary of loud noises. Barking dogs and loud music can scare the tiny creatures away because they don’t feel safe in noisy environments. People respond to unsafe environments like hummingbirds. We avoid situations that don’t feel safe, and when we find ourselves in one, we don’t stay long. But here’s where people differ from hummingbirds: safety issues can confuse us. Sometimes, we don’t recognize that the reason we’re uncomfortable is because we don’t feel safe, and other times we think we feel uncomfortable because we’re not safe, even though that’s not the reason.

    What do you need to be safe and take care of yourself ? The answer may not be as straightforward as it seems. Safety depends, at least in part, on whom you’re with, where you are, and how you feel. When I was in my twenties and thirties, living in New York City on my own, I regularly assessed whether riding the subway at a particular hour or in a certain neighborhood was safe. Later, living in Los Angeles with young children, I made a judgment call on whether their climbing on the high bars of a rickety jungle gym was safe. When they got older, I balanced their wish to be with friends against whether their driving a long distance at night was safe. As an empty nester, my focus shifted back to my husband Seth and me, and whether choices like getting a walk-up apartment rather than one in an elevator building made sense since our ability to climb stairs carrying luggage or groceries would change as we grew older. The answers to these questions hinged on physical safety and the odds of someone getting hurt.

    I don’t think about safety in such literal terms anymore. I now see safety as more nuanced and recognize the ways that my reactions spring from an evolutionary survival mechanism designed to keep me alive to pass my genes on to future generations, rather than critical thinking. We’re hardwired for survival. None of the ideas or takeaways I describe are scary. Still, some might carry you outside your comfort zone and trigger the survival mechanisms that run automatically when you’re in physical danger.

    When we feel safe, we’re in our comfort zones, where we perform well, set appropriate boundaries, rest, recharge, and reflect. It feels good when we’re in our comfort zones, but it’s not where we take risks or where much growth takes place. Development takes place when we’re on the far edge of our comfort zones, stretching existing skills and abilities. When a stretch is in reach, but we feel unsafe anyway, one of our innate survival mechanisms can switch into gear and shut us down. Then, a mechanism designed to protect us short-circuits our growth and gets in the way of reaching our goals. This tendency can be mitigated in several ways, but for now, I’ll mention one: kindness.

    As far back as Charles Darwin, scientists, philosophers, artists, and poets have drawn a straight line between our warmhearted urge to respond to suffering with kindness and the likelihood that we’ll survive, even thrive.

    As far back as Charles Darwin, scientists, philosophers, artists, and poets have drawn a straight line between our warmhearted urge to respond to suffering with kindness and the likelihood that we’ll survive, even thrive. To borrow from the preface of Dacher Keltner’s excellent book, Born to Be Good: “[S]urvival of the kindest may be just as fitting a description of our origins as survival of the fittest.”

    Navigating Sorrow With Kindness

    I was introduced to the poem “Kindness” from Naomi Shihab Nye’s first poetry collection when I heard it recited by Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). Kabat-Zinn and his teaching partner Saki Santorelli (at the time, executive director of the Center for Mindfulness at the University of Massachusetts medical school) were international rock stars in the secular mindfulness world, and I was primed to listen. It was early morning, midway through a weeklong MBSR retreat/training in the late 1990s at the Mount Madonna retreat center in Northern California. Light streamed through the floor-to-ceiling windows in the meditation hall to backlight Kabat-Zinn, who was sitting cross-legged on a meditation cushion, up on a dais. The golden early morning light gave him and the entire session an otherworldly quality. He recited the poem from memory to a room full of meditators sitting around him in a semicircle, most of whom were also sitting cross-legged on cushions. One of the images in the poem stood out then and has remained with me since:

    You must wake up with sorrow.
    You must speak to it till your voice
    catches the thread of all sorrows
    and you see the size of the cloth.

    I’m struck by how often I’ve remembered this image of the enormity of sorrow in the world since I first heard it. The phrase has come back to me when someone I love has fallen ill or has died and when the loved ones of people close to me have struggled with illness or death. The size of the cloth hit me at an even greater level of magnitude as I watched news coverage of the Twin Towers coming down on 9/11 in New York City. The size of the cloth was almost unimaginable when I saw footage of the refrigerated trailers parked in front of hospitals in New York City functioning as temporary morgues during the early days of the pandemic. Maybe the theme of Shihab Nye’s poem that “it’s only kindness that makes sense anymore” resonated with me because it echoed rabbinic sage Hillel the Elder’s call to action: “If not now, when? If not me, who?”

    Discomfort is one way our bodies ask us to listen.

    Scientists have long suspected that kindness in response to other people’s pain is a survival mechanism that’s wired into our nervous systems. What’s often harder for people to remember is that kindness in response to our own sorrow is also a survival mechanism. For many of us, being kind to ourselves is more of a leap than being kind to others. It was for me. I thought kindness was the Golden Rule we teach young children—do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It didn’t occur to me to apply the Golden Rule to myself. I wanted to be a good mother, a good partner with Seth in providing for our family, and to make a difference in the world. I was one of the lucky ones and wanted to pay it forward. There was no room for me to take it easy. The harder I tried to do good and be good, the more of a toll it took on me. Still, it didn’t register that the pace at which I was working was unkind to my family and me. I had to burn myself out emotionally and physically a few times before I could internalize the commonsense truth that discomfort is one way our bodies ask us to listen. Just as it took me a while to develop a more nuanced stance toward safety, it took me time to adopt a more expansive idea of kindness that included being kind to myself.

    Exploring What Safety and Kindness Feel Like

    The following practices and activity-based takeaways are designed for you to integrate into daily life easily. Doing them shouldn’t be a heavy lift and tax you, but sometimes, mindfulness and meditation bring up big feelings that are painful to confront. Please be kind to yourself. Take a break if you feel overwhelmed or if discomfort becomes too much to manage easily. Time is your friend when it comes to inner discovery, and you have plenty of room to allow the process to unfold at its own pace.

    Practice: Reflect on What You Need to Feel Safe

    Identifying your safety needs and factoring them into your choices are a meaningful and effective way to be kind to yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I need to feel safe?” “Are my safety needs being met?” “How?” If they aren’t being met, “Why not?” Remember that whether you feel safe depends on various factors, including if you’re tired, hungry, or stressed. When safety and inclusion needs are unacknowledged and unmet, our nervous systems are ripe to become hijacked by one of our innate survival mechanisms.

    Reflecting on safety needs can seem like a waste of time. When you’re in your comfort zone, it’s easy to miss the point of looking at what it takes to feel safe. Here’s why you should do it anyway: If you identify your safety needs up front, while you’re in your comfort zone, you can better take care of yourself later when you are outside of it.

    1. Find a comfortable place where you won’t be interrupted. Close your eyes or softly gaze ahead or downward. 
    2. A few breaths later, listen for the loudest sound. When you are ready, listen for the quietest sound. Don’t chase a sound that’s hard to hear; relax and let it come to you. Let your mind be open and rest in the whole soundscape. 
    3. Ask yourself, “What does it take to feel safe and welcome in a new situation?” Hold the question in mind and listen to the answers that emerge. 
    4. When you’re ready, open your eyes if they are closed and jot down your insights. 
    5. Then, draw three concentric circles on a blank piece of paper. Prioritize your insights by writing the most important ones in the inner circle. Write those that are the least important in the outer circle. Write what’s left on your list in the circle in between. All your insights matter, but doublecheck to ensure the essential items are in the inner circle. 
    6. Review the diagram and consider ways to increase the odds that, in a new situation, you will feel safe and included.

    Takeaway: How might connecting with playfulness, attention, balance, and compassion help you feel safer and more welcome?

    Practice: Let Yourself Be Immersed in Self-Compassion

    Throughout our evolutionary history, humans have relied on kindness to survive. Strong social bonds, effective communication, and meaningful collaboration create a supportive external environment that allows us to thrive in diverse situations and overcome challenges. Similarly, we create a supportive internal environment when we are kind to ourselves, one where we become more emotionally resilient. Kindness is a self-reinforcing behavior. By being kind to ourselves, we can better support and care for those around us. By being kind to others, we build trust, strengthen relationships, and create a sense of social support and belonging that helps us cope with stress and navigate adversity.

    I first learned about the following self-compassion practice reading Zen priest Edward Espe Brown’s book No Recipe: Cooking as a Spiritual Practice where he writes: “[I]n the early ’80s, when Thich Nhat Hanh was giving a talk prior to departing from the San Francisco Zen Center where I was living, he said he had a goodbye present for us. We could, he said, open and use it anytime, and if we did not find it useful, we could simply set it aside. Then he proceeded to explain that, ‘As you inhale, let your heart fill with compassion, and as you exhale, pour the compassion over your head.’”

    1. Imagine you are in a sweltering but beautiful jungle, holding a coconut shell in one hand. Can you feel the rough shell against the palm of your hand? Picture a wooden barrel filled with cool rainwater on the ground next to you. Can you see your reflection in the sparkling water? 
    2. Imagine the rainwater is a nectar of compassion that soothes busy minds and big feelings. As you breathe in, imagine filling the coconut shell with compassionate rainwater. As you breathe out, imagine pouring the nectar of compassion over the crown of your head. 
    3. Let go of the images of the bucket and coconut shell to focus on sensation. Imagine what it would feel like for a nectar of compassion to wash over you and soothe your body from head to toe. 
    4. Starting at the crown of your head, feel the compassion rinse slowly over your face and head, then over your neck, shoulders, chest, upper arms, lower arms, and hands. 
    5. Move your attention to your torso and imagine feeling a nectar of compassion wash slowly over your torso, pelvis, upper legs, knees, lower legs, and feet. 
    6. When you’re ready, lightly rest your attention on your outbreath. If thoughts and emotions arise, don’t fight them. With no goal or purpose, allow your mind to be open and rest.

    Takeaway: Find at least one way to be kind to yourself today, then see if there’s a ripple effect.

    From Real-World Enlightenment: Discovering Ordinary Magic in Everyday Life by Susan Kaiser Greenland © 2024 by S. Greenland, Inc. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO. www.shambhala.com



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  • Hooray for You! Nanalan’ Embraces the Power of Encouragement

    Hooray for You! Nanalan’ Embraces the Power of Encouragement

    Want to get inspired with simple acts of kindness? Rooted in the power of encouragement, things like celebrating small wins or recognizing others’ talents can help us uplift one another.

    In the Nanalan’ YouTube video “Hooray for You!” Mona and her Nana beautifully illustrate the power of encouragement both for ourselves and those around us. This episode, filled with joyful interactions and uplifting messages, serves as a perfect example of how mindful kindness can be seamlessly integrated into daily life to foster a supportive and nurturing environment.

    Actions like celebrating small victories, recognizing unique talents, or simply being present with a kind word play a vital role in building self-esteem and community. Let’s delve into these themes and explore how they resonate through the experiences of Mona, her Nana, and Russell.

    3 Ways to Encourage One Another with Kindness

    1. Celebrate Achievements

    In the video, Nana enthusiastically celebrates when Mona completes her artwork. This act of recognizing and celebrating achievements, no matter how small, is a powerful way to practice kindness. By focusing on the positive and acknowledging effort, we create an environment where individuals feel valued and motivated to continue pursuing their goals. Nana’s genuine excitement, and her decision to display Mona’s artwork on the fridge, underscore the importance of honoring accomplishments and reinforcing self-worth.

    Do you take the time to celebrate your achievements, no matter how minor they may seem? They could be as simple as finishing a task at work, or trying out a new recipe. Share your successes with loved ones and allow yourself to feel proud—and encourage others to share their achievements and celebrate together, fostering a supportive atmosphere.

    2. Practice Patience and Positive Feedback

    When Russell, the playful puppy, attempts his trick with the pork chop, Nana encourages him by affirming that practice makes perfect. This moment highlights that  patience and positive reinforcement are ways of being kind to others. By offering gentle encouragement, and acknowledging the effort rather than just the outcome, we help others build resilience and confidence. Russell’s perseverance, supported by Nana’s kind words, demonstrates the power of encouragement, nurturing patience, and providing positive feedback.

    When you offer kind words to those around you, it reinforces the idea that growth and improvement are valuable in their own right.

    Practice patience with yourself and others when learning new skills or facing challenges. Instead of focusing solely on the end result, recognize and celebrate the effort and progress made along the way. When you offer kind words to those around you, it reinforces the idea that growth and improvement are valuable in their own right.

    3. Create Joyful Shared Experiences

    Mr. Wooka’s puppet show provides a memorable shared experience for Mona, Nana, and Russell. Engaging in joyful activities together strengthens relationships and builds a sense of community where kindness can flourish. Shared laughter and enjoyment create happy memories and deepen connections. The puppet show’s fun and laughter highlight the importance of spending quality time together, fostering emotional bonds, and encouraging a supportive environment.

    Make time for joyful shared experiences with friends and family, whether it’s watching a funny movie, playing a game, or simply spending time together. These moments of shared happiness can deepen your connections and create lasting positive memories.

    3 Ways to Nurture a Culture of Encouragement

    In “Hooray for You!,” Mona and her Nana demonstrate the power of encouragement through various kind practices. By celebrating achievements, practicing patience, embracing individuality, creating joyful shared experiences, and welcoming self-expression, they create a nurturing environment where everyone feels valued and supported.

    Embrace these methods to foster a culture of encouragement in your own life:

    1. First, shift your mindset with affirmations. In today’s hectic world, finding moments of inner peace and self-worth can be challenging. Mindful affirmations, such as “I am capable,” “I am worthy,” or “I am enough,” offer a simple yet profound way to cultivate resilience, awareness, and compassion in your daily life. Whether you’re looking to reduce stress, enhance self-compassion, or achieve personal goals, incorporating affirmations into your routine can make a significant difference.
    2. Then, embrace the power of meditating in community. While meditation is often viewed as a solitary pursuit, meditating in community offers a transformative alternative. Beyond its traditional role as a personal practice, meditation has long been celebrated in communal settings across cultures and traditions. Today, exploring meditation with others not only enhances personal well-being but also fosters deeper connections and shared growth.
    3. Finally, discover the qualities of true friendship. Join philosopher Alain de Botton as he unveils six profound features that distinguish true friendships. Hint: Great friends don’t require you to be perfect in order to believe in you and cheer you on! Explore how these timeless qualities enrich our lives and support us through both joy and hardship.



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