Health Journal Online

Tag: mindfulness out in the world

  • The “About To” Moment: Teaching and Modeling Response vs. Reaction

    The “About To” Moment: Teaching and Modeling Response vs. Reaction

    Children learn largely by example. Susan Kaiser Greenland explains how the “about to” moment can foster awareness and compassion.

    Have you ever noticed a funny feeling in your body the split-second before doing something you later regret? Maybe the funny feeling is a tightening in your chest, or a flush of heat rushing to your face, or a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. These funny feelings can take place in what Western meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein calls the “about to” moment. This moment is the split-second before you speak or act.

    We can train ourselves to identify when the “about to” moment is occurring in our lives, and notice the internal signals that accompany it. By paying attention to the physical sensations that sometimes accompany an “about to” moment, we have an opportunity to pause before acting and reflect on what we’re about to do or say. This is a chance to ask ourselves critical questions, like:

    • “Why choose to act in this way?”
    • “How does it make me feel?”
    • “Will what I’m about to do or say lead me and my family closer to, or further away from, genuine happiness?”

    Parenting in the “About To” Moment

    The “about to” moment has special relevance to parenting because it is also the place and time where we choose (whether consciously or not) what we teach our children by example. It is a chance to shift direction if we recognize that our automatic reaction to a stressful situation is not consistent with our image of the parent we hope to be, or the adults we hope our children will become. Character development is a life-long process, happening through repeated actions both large and small. One place it happens is during the countless “about to” moments in our lives.

    In 2018, several prestigious universities published a study about the effect of spanking on three-year-old children. They reported that three-year-olds who had been spanked by their mothers more than twice in the month prior to the time they were assessed by researchers had an increased risk for higher levels of child aggression at age five than children who had not been spanked.

    Even though this finding is consistent with a well-established body of academic literature on the topic, and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents refrain from spanking entirely, the reporting of this study has been somewhat controversial. In the comment section of several blogs about the research, some people have taken offense. Perhaps because many parents continue to spank their kids, even those as young as three. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, more than 90 per cent of families report having used spanking as a form of discipline.

    The “about to” moment, when a parent chooses to spank a child, is an opportunity for the parent to ask what he or she is trying to accomplish. Spanking is, at the very least, a stressful life experience for both parent and child, and it is well known that stressful life events can have a profound impact on brain development, especially in young children.

    In their book Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential, Dr. Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz explain that when early childhood experiences are nurturing and empathetic, a child’s nervous system will wire up one way. If early childhood experiences are stressful, harsh and frightening, the same child’s brain wires up in a different way. “About to” moments can make learning and later relationships easier or more challenging. I doubt that any parent, upon reflection, hopes that his or her actions will make it more difficult for kids to learn and get along with others at school or home.

    Self-Reflection, Compassion, and Modeling

    The “about to” moment is also an opportunity to reflect on the quality that one is reinforcing within oneself and modeling for one’s kids. For example, is striking out in response to behavior that we disagree with/disapprove of a quality that we want to strengthen in ourselves? Is it one we want to model for our child? Will teaching children that it’s OK to hit other people help them become their best selves? Help them have an easier time on the playground? Lead them toward genuine happiness?

    The choices that we make in our “about to” moments determine who we are and who we will become. They also let our kids know loud and clear what’s important to us. Making the choice to exercise restraint, empathy, compassion and even-handedness time and time again is how these qualities become habitual in both parent and child. For example, when our kids see us being kind to others, we’re both practicing kindness ourselves and modeling it for them. When they watch us exercise patience while waiting our turn in the grocery line or when stuck in traffic, we’re both modeling patience to our kids and practicing it ourselves. When we find nonviolent ways to address inappropriate behavior we’re both modeling nonviolence and practicing it ourselves.

    To borrow from Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Character is higher than intellect.” It is the choices we make in the “about to” moments—choices we make over and over again all day every day—that determine our character and set an example for our children to follow.

    For more, watch Susan Kaiser Greenland’s video, Teach your kids awareness with an apple!



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  • The One Thing You Can Do to Make Meditation a Habit

    The One Thing You Can Do to Make Meditation a Habit

    The march of mindfulness into the mainstream seems to show no sign of slowing. On balance that’s a good thing. However, I’m struck more and more how an aspect of the approach—long-considered to be crucial in order to make meditation a habit—doesn’t get mentioned very much these days.

    An individualistic culture often portrays mindfulness as a solo practice. Maybe that’s no surprise. We imagine a person sitting alone, cultivating attitudes such as curiosity and gentleness. I’ve no doubt that practising mindfulness on your own can be helpful. But traditionally, learners trained in groups and communities. I suspect a large part of the therapeutic benefit of mindfulness for individuals comes from this tradition. Why? Because approaching practice this way enables us to learn with and from other people.

    Why Community Can Make Meditation a Habit That Lasts

    When people come together for a first session of mindfulness training, it’s common to explore what brings each individual to the approach.

    In an opening session, you’ll likely hear others speak of the stress arising from common problems such as:

    • busy, uncontrolled thoughts
    • physical or emotional pain
    • the strain of personal and professional commitments
    • the speed of a world that demands a dehumanizing degree of consumption and acquisition

    There often dawns a first recognition that the real problem doesn’t just lie in me as an individual. Instead, people see the common burden of living a human existence, with human frailties, in a human world.

    Suddenly, often from a place of feeling alienated and alone, there comes a realization: We’re all in this together, and we’re not feeling bad because we’re defective, but because this is the way of things in the world we share.

    Suddenly, often from a place of feeling alienated and alone, there comes a realization. We’re all in this together. And we’re not feeling bad because we’re defective, but because this is the way of things in the world we share. It’s not all our own fault. This lessens and lightens the pressure to have it all together. The journey into mindfulness—together—has begun.

    Over time, as a group of people cultivates mindfulness in this way, the feeling of connectedness and commonality usually grows. There is a sense of mutual support that enables us to learn, love, laugh at ourselves, and let go together.

    It may well be that this way of being together as a group is just as, or perhaps even more important, than the formal meditation practices we undertake as part of the work.

    Especially when facilitated by a good teacher, people discover it’s easier to open up to ourselves and one another. Also, as it happens, I’ve found that meditating in a group on a regular basis is also one of the best ways to encourage people to practise on their own. It’s counterintuitive, perhaps, but that togetherness makes meditation more meaningful. That, in turn, makes meditating alone more manageable. The togetherness helps make meditation a habit, whether done solo or in community.

    More Research Is Needed

    In my opinion, this hypothesis—that mindfulness as a group activity is much more powerful than practising on your own, with a book, with an app or a CD (good though these may be)—hasn’t been explored enough in mindfulness research.

    We don’t really know what the specific benefits of learning mindfulness together are. However, related research which shows that people’s attitudes and behaviours are strongly primed by the environments in which they operate offers some clues.

    It seems logical that a meditative community will be a more inspiring and influential learning zone for mindfulness than a place where speed, greed, and “going it alone” are the norm. But this isn’t what’s being offered to most people, at least not beyond the first eight weeks of a mindfulness-based stress reduction or cognitive therapy course. There are still few fully secular options for ongoing training available to graduates of such courses, and no retreat centers (so far as I know) completely devoted to a non-doctrinal mindfulness approach.

    If we want the current surging interest in mindfulness to become more than a drop of sanity in an ocean of materialistic madness, we will need to create communities capable of curating the core attitudes and approaches whose preservation protects the practices from perversion, dissolution, and misappropriation. We want to make meditation a habit for more people…and we want to do it in a healthy, supported way.

    This is not an easy task, and it won’t happen perfectly. We live in a messy world, with messy minds. Taking a preaching, purist line is likely to be counter-productive.

    Mindfulness is entering a mainstream in which feeling like we have to go it alone is part of the problem, not the solution. 

    I reckon we have a better chance if we name the issue. Mindfulness is entering a mainstream in which feeling like we have to go it alone is part of the problem, not the solution. Yes, the pressure for a primarily do-it-yourself, self-help approach to mindfulness is strong. But down that road, we might actually end up with something that’s a pale imitation of the powerful force for good that mindfulness can be.

    If we compassionately acknowledge the social and environmental obstacles we are all collectively responsible for, and lean on each other for support, we can make a lasting, positive impact.



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  • Is There a Time and Place for “Suck It Up”?

    Is There a Time and Place for “Suck It Up”?

    When I was a kid, my dad taught me how to do a backflip off the diving board. I was terrified, but with his encouragement, I pulled it off. Then he had me do it again—and again—until it stuck. Feeling confident, I decided to push myself and bounce higher. Bad move. I jumped high, but not far enough out, and ended up hitting my head on the diving board on the way down. Then I sank. Underwater, I saw my dad’s hand reach in to grab me. Once I was out, I burst into tears. That’s when I heard it for the first time: “Suck it up.”

    He told me to get back on the board and do it again. I was furious, scared, and confused, but his tough approach worked (ish). Though I didn’t want to, I climbed back up. I reluctantly mustered every ounce of courage and completed another backflip. Then I got out of the pool, fuming at my dad for making me do it again after I was hurt, and ran inside the house. I was pissed and I didn’t forgive him for years. Looking back, I get it now (ish). He totally could have handled it better, sure, but it was all he knew—it was his normal.

    Here’s the other thing I realized: There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos. In that moment, “sucking it up” was necessary for me to calm down, refocus, and get back on the proverbial horse. But here’s the catch: When that approach becomes your everyday norm—especially when your job is all chaos, all the time—it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.

    There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos—but when that approach becomes your everyday norm, it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.

    Calm Isn’t (Always) the Goal

    For the first responders I meet while leading Tactical Brain Training sessions, that’s the challenge. The nature of the work demands you set emotions aside to handle emergencies effectively.

    A detective once said to me, “So when someone is coming at me with a gun or knife, you want me to close my eyes, take a few breaths, and be peaceful and calm?” I replied, “Sure, if your intention is to get stabbed or shot!” (I may have cursed a bit here too.) I followed up with something like, “No, that would be the wrong move here. Instead, you can use mindfulness to complement your law enforcement training strategically …protecting yourself. And no, don’t close your eyes!”

    When the job requires you to literally place yourself in the fire, the stress that comes with it is understandable. And the trauma—whether experienced personally or from witnessing someone else’s—is inevitable. If we know that trauma is part of the job, it becomes our responsibility to address it. We train for every other aspect of the job—drawing a weapon, performing CPR, restraining someone—so why not train to manage the potential fallout? This is the gap I see between training for action and training for sustainability (that is, training to keep ourselves mentally healthy).

    Mindfulness interventions and Tactical Brain Training are not just about creating calm; they’re about regulating the nervous system, enabling someone to approach their job or their partner with purposeful actions rather than just reacting. Instead of letting emotions guide actions, mindfulness interventions train the brain’s prefrontal cortex to help guide actions. The prefrontal cortex is in charge of executive functioning: cognitive abilities such as working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. Training this part of the brain means we’re able to operate in a responsive state rather than a reactive one.

    For first responders, veterans, and other people who face high-stress situations, having a variety of emotional regulation techniques increases access to balance. It’s about building a go-to toolbox of strategies. If one doesn’t work, toss it and try another. This isn’t about zoning out or ignoring the pain and suffering; it’s about training to tune into it while knowing you have a strategy to work your way out.

    How to “Suck It Up” With Mindfulness

    Mindfulness is not as simple as “just notice your emotions” or “just take a breath.” Asking someone who’s been trained to suppress their emotions in order to save a drowning person to suddenly feel and embrace every emotion can be overwhelming, distracting, and even frustrating. And asking someone who is highly agitated to stop what they’re doing and take a breath can be ridiculously annoying! If you ever see me write or hear me say “JFB,” this is my way of creating some levity in a stressful moment, which can have the benefit of incorporating an intervention without the associated stigma or frustration. JFB stands for Just F’ing Breathe (but I’m sure you already figured that out).

    It’s key to start small. You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps. It would be pretty dumb to start weight training by lifting 100 lbs. We need to build slowly and steadily (I’m currently at 10-lb weights—apparently I need to work on this.)

    You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps.

    For example, instead of starting with “I am so frustrated, where do I feel it in my body?” which can feel overwhelming, you can approach the mind-body connection interventions in a stepwise progression. Begin with something like: “First I want to train to feel sensations in my body, and then I will try to connect those sensations with an emotion.” It’s helpful to begin with noticing common physical sensations. Train for curiosity: “Where do I feel hunger?” “Where does fatigue show up in my body?”

    From Chaos to Emotional Regulation

    From there, you can build. Think a happy thought. What does happiness feel like in your body? And, think of something frustrating (but NOT traumatic, as there’s no need to purposefully trigger yourself here). And be curious again. Try and identify where you feel frustration. This step-by-step approach builds a foundation of awareness. By the time emotions are addressed directly, it’s no longer foreign or overwhelming. Skills have been developed to notice without being consumed.

    This is exactly why I call it Tactical Brain Training. It shifts the idea of mindfulness away from the stigma of being “emotional” and reframes it as a strategic way of thinking. The idea is not to disappear emotions in order to get the job done. It’s about creating a “suck it up container,” knowing you can return to those emotions once the chaos settles. Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.

    Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.

    Just like learning to backflip off a diving board, it requires practice, patience, and a step-by-step approach. And when mistakes happen—as they inevitably do—the training allows emotions to be acknowledged without letting them take control. Instead, they’re momentarily set aside, enabling clear focus to complete the task at hand.

    So many people I work with are surprised to learn that it can be this simple. I’m not saying  traumatic experiences are simple, and I’m not saying starting a mindfulness practice is easy. What I am saying is this:

    • Yes, stress and trauma are inevitable parts of the job.
    • No, you are not broken.
    • Yes, it is what it is—and now you know.
    • Yes, you can approach this in a way that feels relatable to you.
    • Now, let’s get to work! #JFB



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  • What Are the 8 “Rules” of Meditation?

    What Are the 8 “Rules” of Meditation?

    In a world that feels uncertain, chaotic, and often disconnected, people are seeking greater peace, clarity, and emotional balance. In that searching, many have found respite and healing in a regular meditation practice. However, if you’re brand new to meditating, it can be a little intimidating at first. Where do you begin? Are there foundational guidelines or rules of meditation that should be followed? 

    While there are many forms of meditation, some core principles guide successful practice. These principles act as a springboard to help you navigate your meditation journey more effectively. Whether you’re new to meditation or a seasoned practitioner, understanding these “8 rules of meditation” can deepen your practice and enhance its benefits. 

    And, if you read to the end, we’ve included a final guideline that might surprise you—and that might be the most important thing to remember as you explore the challenges and rewards of meditation. 

    Let’s dive into these key principles to discover how they can enrich your meditation experience.

    1. Find a Comfortable Posture

    One of the first and most important rules of meditation is finding a comfortable, stable posture. While many people envision sitting cross-legged on the floor, the truth is that meditation posture can vary. You don’t have to twist into complicated poses to meditate effectively. 

    The key is to find a position where your body feels supported and relaxed. That can be sitting on a chair, cushion, or even lying down. In fact, it can be a useful practice to simply tune into your body before each meditation session and determine which position might be the most comfortable for that day. This is a gentle way to start focusing your attention. 

    If you choose to sit, either in a chair, on the floor, or against a wall, remember to:

    • Keep your spine straight to encourage alertness.
    • Relax your shoulders and let your hands rest naturally.
    • Ensure you are not straining any part of your body.

    Comfort is key because physical discomfort can easily become a distraction during your practice. By settling into a comfortable posture, you allow your mind to focus more easily.

    2. Focus on Your Breath

    You’ll hear meditation teachers speak a lot about the power of the breath. 

    This is because the breath is a natural anchor for meditation. It’s always with you and can be observed without a lot of effort. Focusing on your breath helps quiet the mind and center your awareness in the present moment. This rule of meditation teaches you to tune into your body, observing how the breath moves in and out, without trying to control it.

    When meditating, pay attention to the sensation of air entering and leaving your nostrils or the rise and fall of your abdomen. If your mind wanders—which it inevitably will—gently bring your attention back to the breath. This act of returning to the breath is a key part of meditation, strengthening your mental focus.

    3. Accept What Arises Without Judgment

    A common misconception is that a quiet mind is the goal of meditation, but the reality is that thoughts will always arise. It’s not possible for meditation to be about controlling or suppressing your thoughts, because producing thoughts is just what the brain does. 

    That’s why much of the work of meditation is just learning to accept whatever arises in your mind without judgment. Whether it’s stress, irritation, or joy, let the thoughts and feelings  come and go like clouds passing through the sky. That can look like gently saying to yourself something like, I notice I’m thinking about work right now. I have a lot of worries about my job right now. That’s okay. I can think about work later, but right now, I’m choosing to return to the present. 

    The key here is non-resistance. Instead of fighting your thoughts, simply observe them. Recognize that thoughts are fleeting and don’t define who you are. Over time, you’ll learn how to detach from the endless stream of thoughts and emotions, allowing them to pass without becoming consumed by them.

    And remember that when your attention wanders and you bring it back, that is similar to doing a rep with a weight. The wandering and coming back is not a “failure”—it’s precisely what builds strength in your focus and attention over time. 

    4. Practice Regularly

    Consistency is crucial in meditation. As we mentioned above, strengthening focus and attention is like any skill: the more you practice, the more you’ll benefit. It’s better to meditate for a few minutes every day than for an hour once a week. Regular practice builds mental discipline and helps integrate mindfulness into your daily life.

    Start small if you’re new to meditation—perhaps with just five minutes a day—and gradually increase your time. Find a routine that works for you, whether it’s in the morning, during lunch, or before bed. The important thing is to establish a habit and stick to it. Even short, regular sessions will lead to noticeable improvements in your focus, clarity, and emotional regulation.

    5. Be Patient with Yourself

    As you might imagine, and perhaps have already experienced for yourself, frustration is a very normal part of starting and maintaining a meditation practice. 

    Meditation is a journey, not a destination. In Western culture especially, we’re training to approach everything as if it’s something to be perfected or conquered. It can be extremely strange to engage in a lifelong activity where “mastering” it isn’t the goal. 

    It’s normal to experience challenges, especially in the beginning. Your mind may feel restless, your body may feel almost unbearably uncomfortable at times, and might be surprised and annoyed by what pops into your head when you’re just trying to be still for a second. It’s easy to get discouraged when progress seems slow. This brings us to one of the most important rules of meditation: patience.

    Understand that meditation is a practice of observing the mind and its patterns. There will be good days where meditation feels effortless, and there will be days when your mind seems like a chaotic storm. Both experiences are part of the process and both are completely normal. Patience means accepting where you are today without judgment. Trust that with time and consistency, the benefits of meditation will reveal themselves.

    6. Let Go of Expectations

    A common pitfall in meditation is having expectations about what “should” happen. Many people sit down expecting immediate calm, profound insights, or even emotional or spiritual awakenings. When those expectations aren’t met, disappointment and frustration can follow. One of the core rules of meditation is to let go of expectations.

    Meditation is not about achieving a specific outcome but about being present with whatever arises. You might experience moments of peace, and at other times, you might face discomfort or boredom. The practice is about accepting each moment as it is without trying to manipulate the experience. By letting go of expectations, you create space for authentic, unfiltered awareness.

    7. Think of Mindfulness as Not Just an Activity, but An Approach to All of Life

    Meditation is not confined to your time on the cushion. One of the most powerful benefits of meditation is the ability to bring mindfulness into your everyday life. Meditation is one exercise that helps you stay aware and present in one particular moment, so that you can  stay aware and present throughout the day, no matter what you’re doing.

    Whether you’re eating, walking, working, or talking, try to bring mindful awareness to the present moment. Notice how your body feels, observe your surroundings, and pay attention to your thoughts and emotions without getting lost in them. 

    More good news? This is all a virtuous cycle: staying mindful during everyday activities deepens your meditation practice, which in turn helps to cultivate a sense of peace and clarity that extends out into all the little moments of your beautiful, imperfect human life.

    8. Allow Your Sense of Compassion to Grow

    One of the many side benefits of a regular meditation practice is an expanded capacity to hold compassion—for yourself and others. Meditation is not just about focusing the mind; it’s also about opening the heart. As you observe your thoughts and emotions, practice self-compassion. Recognize that it’s okay to struggle and be kind to yourself when things get tough.

    Likewise, extend that compassion to others. Over time, meditation helps you develop a sense of interconnectedness with the world around you. By practicing loving-kindness meditation or simply holding an attitude of empathy, you foster compassion for all beings. This rule reminds us that meditation is not just a personal practice but a way to connect with others and contribute to the well-being of the world.

    Like the rest of these rules of meditation, there is a kind of counter-intuitive and cyclical nature to expanding compassion. The more we make room for imperfection and mistakes in our meditation practice, the stronger our practice will become over time. The less we put pressure on ourselves to always “get it right”—and judge ourselves by a standard of perfection—the more room we have the ability to extend that grace to ourselves and others in the rest of our lives. 

    A Final Rule: Hold All the Rules of Meditation Lightly

    Mindfulness and meditation are counter-cultural in so many ways. 

    For example: 

    • Rather than a predetermined destination or outcome, we’re invited to relax into an unpredictable process. 
    • Rather than fixating on achievement, we’re invited to let go of our grip on staking our identity and value on perfection.  
    • Rather than trying to “fix” the feelings we don’t like, we’re invited to just be with them, and then we find that they pass through a lot faster. 

    When we see a phrase like “the eight rules of meditation,” it’s easy to slip into thinking about this process the way we think about so many things in life: through the lens of striving, achievement, mastery, and perfection. We can get attached and rigid—and that actually makes growing in the process more difficult. 

    So, in the end, here’s a final invitation: hold all of the rules of meditation lightly. Lean into them for support, guidance, and encouragement. Allow them to be gentle reminders of why you’re here. 

    But also remember that there is so much room for every day to be different. Some days will feel amazing, and some won’t, and that’s okay. It’s all part of the experience, and even the days when it feels like it’s not working…it’s still working. 

    Meditation is a journey, and each time you practice, you take a step closer to greater self-awareness and inner peace. Whether you’re just starting or have been meditating for years, these guidelines can serve as a compass to help you navigate your path with a little more awareness and grace.

    FAQs About the Rules of Meditation

    Q: What if sitting is uncomfortable or painful for me?

    A: The key is finding a position that works for you and your body’s needs. If sitting with your legs crossed is hard on your knees, for example, you can sit in a chair with your feel on the floor. It’s fine to lie down, as well. It can be a useful practice to simply tune into your body before each meditation session and determine which position might be the most comfortable for that day. This is a gentle way to start focusing your attention on your body and your breath before you even officially start your practice.

    Q: I can’t seem to keep my thoughts from racing in every direction. Is this normal?

    A: Yes, it’s completely normal! The mind does what it does: it generates thoughts, feelings, reactions, stories. That’s its job. You might find your mind wandering dozens of times in just the span of five or 10 minutes. Be patient with yourself, and be aware of how you respond to this very natural movement of the mind. Instead of harshly criticizing yourself, try noticing, thanking your mind for doing its thing, and then bringing your attention back to the breath. Each time you return your attention to the present moment, think of it like lifting a weight—you’re actually strengthening your focus each time your bring it back.

    Q: It doesn’t feel like my practice is really doing anything for me, even though I’m following the rules of meditation for the most part. How do I know if a practice is “working”?

    A: It can be super frustrating to start a practice and to hope to see and feel big results right away. The truth is, learning to meditate takes time, and most often the changes aren’t sudden or dramatic.

    One key way to notice shifts as a result of your practice is just to pay attention to how you respond to discomfort or disappointment. You might start to be aware that you’re less reactive, that you have just a moment between when something happens and when you respond that wasn’t there before. Or maybe you notice your inner dialogue shifting—maybe you’re more patient with yourself or others, maybe a little less critical when you make mistakes. You might notice that your focus is sharper, that you see and appreciate “little things” a bit more. Again, it might not be dramatic, but part of a mindfulness practice is becoming more aware of micro-changes in yourself over time.



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  • Self-Care Is an Act of Resistance

    Self-Care Is an Act of Resistance

    Grass-roots meditation activist Shelly Tygielski offers 3 ways to practice self-care so we can recharge, refresh, and rewire for action.

    This article was originally published in November, 2018.

    The day after the 2018 US midterms, after a bitter election season with hard-fought victories, severely-close losses, and some horrific violence in its wake, I found myself thinking back to a program I put together for the Women’s Convention the previous October in Detroit for thousands of impassioned, powerful women. We were all embarking on a journey we knew would be long and hard.

    I called my talk Self-Care Is an Act of Resistance: Shifting the Fight-or-Flight Response to Empathy-or-Action Response and here’s why.

    The main idea is that neither “fighting” nor “fleeing” are sustainable. More than that, they are responses we can move away from, we can evolve beyond. We often hear that our brains are hard-wired for fight-or-flight, that “we evolved this way,” but we know now that we continue to evolve. Our brains can be rewired.

    How can we evolve beyond fight-or-flight? By choosing to move towards two new responses: empathy and action. And I believe this starts with self-care.

    The Power of Empathy and Action

    I woke up the morning after the election to find over 100 messages in my inbox and via text with such a tone of despair. We had all worked hard, but so much more work remains.

    I started to respond, one by one, to the messages reminding everyone that they have PERMISSION to feel this way. It is okay to cry. To be sad. Disappointed. Tired. And in order to not add a secondary layer of emotion to everything we’re feeling— namely, guilt—we all have permission to pause, to reset, to breathe.

    It may feel inappropriate to take time to rest, or to seek out pleasure, or even indulge in some positivity in the midst of our heated social, political, and environmental climate. But I want you all to know that it’s crucial for us to acknowledge the importance of our own self-care and to act upon it. Self-care is not frivolous; self-care is a radical act of love.

    Yes, there is still work to be done. A lot of work to be done. But we don’t need to do it today. Today we can rest. Tomorrow we can rest. And then the next day and the next. We can pre-game for the holidays and think about all that we have to be grateful for, personally, and collectively. And then, those who are ready can rise up, dust off, unravel and lift up the rest of us.

    Self-care is a movement in and of itself.

    It’s a movement of love amidst defeat, of kindness in the face of loss as well as victory. It’s declaring yourself as self-deserving of emotional agency. Self-care is an act of resistance.

    Here are 3 ways to practice self-care today:

    1. Allow yourself to (finally) unplug from the news and social media for a few days. Turn off your alerts and push motivations, turn off the TV and don’t access social media. If you must access it for work or otherwise, limit your time and do not engage or comment on posts. It’s not forever—it’s a few days of peace and being off the grid. 
    2. Recognize when you are in need of self-care and then respond to that need. Sometimes taking time for self-care may impact the lives of those around you (for example, you need to take the day off from work or ask for someone to watch the kids). Inform those around you that you are responding to a personal need but do not feel the need to ask for permission. 
    3.  Have a self-care checklist ready that has dozens of options tailored just for you.  These self-care options can range from scheduling a mid-day call with a friend to drawing a bubble bath. Having this list ready is important because when you are on the verge of burnout, you may not have the capacity to come up with the options in that moment.



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  • How Leaders Build Trust at Work Through Authenticity

    How Leaders Build Trust at Work Through Authenticity

    How much trust does your organization experience? That’s the first question I ask when I do a culture assessment with the businesses I serve. Trust is the essential ingredient and foundation for all relationships and businesses. Unless leaders build trust, they can’t build anything that will succeed for the long term, and any kind of organizational change will be seriously challenged.

    Organizational scholars define trust as our willingness to be vulnerable to the actions of others because we believe they have good intentions and will behave well toward us. In other words, we let others have power over us because we don’t think they’ll hurt us; we think they’ll help us and have our backs. When the trust level is high within coworker relationships, it corresponds to trusting the company that employs us, and we feel confident it won’t deceive us or abuse its relationship with us. 

    But what are the mechanics of this? How do we trust? In order to trust someone, especially someone who is unfamiliar to us—which means we haven’t had the opportunity to develop trust yet—our brains build a model of what the person is likely to do and why. And there’s a lot going on beneath the surface; we use both mindfulness and empathy during every collaborative endeavor. This means both people in an interaction are always assessing, Should I trust you? How much do you trust me? Some of us are innately trusting, naturally seeking positive intent and putting we, before me. But in my experience, trust is earned. This is why it matters that we as leaders build trust with those we lead. It is not wise to trust someone blindly until you have vetted that they are, in fact, trustworthy.  

    Trust and Safety Requires Nurturing

    The level of trust in an organization is influenced by how much psychological safety exists. Do people feel safe voicing their honest opinions? Do they believe that any criticism aimed their way will be fair and that their response to it will be heard? Teams that enjoy high trust levels have been shown to be more creative and to come to decisions faster. They’re higher performing teams because they’re willing to admit mistakes and to call out problems and challenges and ask for help. If two teams are equally smart, why would a more trusting team be more productive than a less trusting one? Because they iterate faster. They learn faster. And why do they do that? Because they trust each other to be honest and point out the things they’re discovering in real time. A foundation of safety helps these team members understand and develop those discoveries quickly, collaborate smoothly, and cocreate with flow. 

    In the workplace, trust is highly influenced by leadership because leaders model the behaviors others will follow. When leaders lead with fear and dominance, trust and safety suffer in the long run. A boss who berates, threatens, or punishes you will affect your performance and ability to speak up authentically as you focus your attention on self-protection. This leads to feelings of “learned helplessness” as employees avoid the boss and/or remain as invisible as they can by doing the minimum. And face it: this kind of leadership behavior hurts, to the point of inflicting trauma. 

    Humans experience social rejection and social pain in the brain’s pain matrix for longer than they experience physical pain. Research in neuroscience has shown this. We are wired to connect and belong. If we lack the trust and safety that are essential to belonging, we feel that our very survival is threatened, which prolongs our suffering. To turn this around, we can consciously and actively work to create greater belonging using conscious leadership techniques at work and in the world. Belonging means belonging to yourself, as well as being connected to a purpose larger than yourself. 

    Authenticity In Action 

    Being authentic is one of the fastest ways to create psychological safety in the workplace.  

    Psychological safety is the sense that we can share our feelings, beliefs, and experiences openly with others at work without fear of reprimand, losing status, or punishment. Studies on psychological safety conducted in collaboration between Google and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) found it to be one of the most important factors in creating successful teams and thus high performing, innovative organizations. This insight is the result of almost 30 years of research by Amy Edmondson. Psychological safety supports moderate risk taking, speaking your mind, creativity, and most importantly trust. In my work with teams and senior leaders, I assess the psychological safety of the individual leader, the team and the culture first.

    Before leaders build trust through being courageous in our interactions with others, we need the courage to understand ourselves and what’s important to us. Try out this practice that focuses on cultivating this understanding. 

    A Mindful Practice to Deepen Your Inner Trust

    Find a quiet space if you can and take out a journal. Take a minute or two to breathe and tap into your center. Now think of a recent experience you had with a partner, friend, family member, or coworker where you wanted to be authentic, but weren’t. Imagine pausing at the height of this interaction and asking yourself the following questions:

    • What am I afraid would happen if I shared my thoughts and feelings with this person right now?
    • How will I feel if I don’t share them?
    • If I weren’t afraid, what would I most want to say to this person right now?
    • How can I be even more open and vulnerable?

    Cultivating Trust with Your Teams at Work

    As leaders and managers, it’s important that we’re the first ones to model how to be authentic in the workplace. Josh Tetrick, cofounder and CEO of Eat Just, Inc., and I talked about his process of hiring for resilience and developing a resilient culture by leading with authenticity. First and foremost, Josh makes it clear in his communications what he cares about most. Eat Just’s mission is to increase the consumption of plant-based foods, to reduce animal maltreatment and forest degradation. Josh has found that the more confident he is in his mission and who he is, the more vulnerable and humble he can be when he makes mistakes. 

    He now recognizes that when Eat Just was just starting, he projected more self-assurance—to the point of arrogance—than he really felt because he wanted to sound more confident than he really was. But as he’s stepped into leading, he’s learned that he’s good at some things and not so good at others, and he knows and accepts that. This frees him from feeling the need to overcompensate and allows him to be his authentic self.

    Josh let me in on some of the things he says when interviewing new hires: “This is the kind of company we are—this is the mission. If you gave me a 100% chance to get bought by an investor or a 20% chance to stay in the ring and get closer to achieving our mission, I’d choose the 20% probability.” 

    Then he tells potential new hires he wants them to ask themselves if they’re willing to get gritty, step into the unknown, and stay focused on that mission for the long haul. Sharing his truth upfront in this way weeds out people who aren’t the greatest fit for the culture. Josh takes the same approach with investors. 

    Josh also asks job candidates questions that are designed to assess their resilience, because he’s found that those who are the best fit for his company are inherently resilient. Josh offers a great example of how leaders build trust by cultivating a strong inner game of authenticity and sharing your truth and confidence as a leader on the outside. 

    Leading from authenticity sometimes means leading from vulnerability. According to Brené Brown, vulnerability entails uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. As a leader, you have the opportunity to create conditions that support naming the fears that come up around being vulnerable. Once they’re named, you can get past fear to the place where courage arises and encourage more confidence, teamwork, and connection.

    4 Questions to Foster Your Authentic Self 

    When we fear that we can’t think and act as we truly are, we put parts of ourselves on hold. Here’s how we can begin to let go of expectations and pressures and tend to our wants and needs with kindness. Read More 

    • Carley Hauck
    • October 12, 2016
    Why Vulnerability is Your Superpower 

    Dr. Michael Gervais speaks with author and researcher Dr. Brené Brown about the relationship between vulnerability and courage, and what it takes to show up even when you can’t control the outcome. Read More 

    • Mindful Staff
    • November 20, 2018



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  • The Benefits of Meditating With Others

    The Benefits of Meditating With Others

    This article is independently researched and written by the Mindful editors. However, we may earn revenue if you purchase via links included.

    In the midst of the global pandemic that disrupted our routines and heightened stress levels, many people turned to meditation as a source of comfort, healing, and much-needed self-care in scary and uncertain times.

    Millions of people discovered the benefits of mindfulness, like deeper relaxation, heightened self-awareness, better sleep, and a more grounded sense of well-being. Plus, meditation apps and online platforms made it easy to practice in the comfort of our own homes.

    Research confirms the value of a regular meditation practice, and much of that research is focused on solo practicing. However, there’s now also an emerging recognition of the benefits that come with meditating in community.

    If you’ve been curious about expanding your own practice to include intentionally being with others, here’s what you need to know about the history and benefits of meditation in community.

    Meditation, in various forms, has a rich and diverse history that spans cultures, centuries, and traditions. Historically, rather than just being a solitary activity, meditation was often practiced in communal settings, rooted in the belief that collective intention enhanced the experience and benefits of the practice.

    Rather than just being a solitary activity, meditation was often practiced in communal settings, rooted in the belief that collective intention enhanced the experience and benefits of the practice.

    Monasteries, ashrams, and other spiritual communities have been pivotal in fostering a shared meditative environment for millenia, but group meditation certainly hasn’t only been connected to religious settings.

    In the West, meditation has been a part of secular communities for decades, focusing on the mind-body benefits of a regular practice: stillness, self-observation, calming reactivity, and extending compassion to all beings. Programs like Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction offer meditation instruction for clinicians, schools, offices, therapists, and other science-based healing modalities.

    In all of these diverse group settings, meditating in community has offered a space for people to share wisdom and support each other on their mindfulness journeys. And that tradition is still going strong.

    So why do people like group practice? Let’s look at what more and more people are seeking on their journeys, and how meditating in community can meet these needs.

    1. Enhanced Meaning

    If you’ve ever felt the amplified joy and connection of being in a like-hearted group—say, at an outdoor concert or a convention of dedicated enthusiasts—you’ve probably experienced that moment where it all seems like you’re tuned into the same beautiful channel. Meditating in a group can do exactly the same thing, creating a powerful and motivating atmosphere.

    2. Camaraderie and Connection

    Humans are inherently social beings, and meditation in community provides an opportunity for shared experiences. It fosters a sense of camaraderie, reducing feelings of isolation and promoting a supportive network. Especially after the years of the pandemic, people are hungry for a sense of meaningful social reconnection.

    3. Deeper Mindfulness

    Group meditation can deepen one’s mindfulness practice. The shared commitment to practice fosters a sense of accountability, encouraging regular meditation and creating a more profound and transformative experience.

    4. Diverse Perspectives

    In an era of unprecedented division and siloing, there is healthy, challenging work that can really only happen when we are intentionally present with people who are different from us. Meditating in community exposes individuals to diverse perspectives and approaches to meditation. This variety can enrich one’s practice by offering different insights, techniques, and philosophies.

    While there’s not much research available on meditation in group environments versus solitary practice, here are some of the benefits that people who have chosen to meditate in community report.

    1. Enhanced Focus

    The collective intention of a group can help participants achieve a deeper state of focus during meditation, reducing distractions and enhancing the overall quality of the practice.

    2. Stress Reduction

    Shared meditation experiences can contribute to a sense of calm and relaxation, especially in groups where there is a genuine sense of trust and care. Being around people we feel safe with alleviates stress and anxiety, promoting emotional well-being.

    3. Increased Motivation

    Sometimes going it alone is just plain harder. Group meditation provides a shared commitment, a space where everyone can feel cheered on, and a positive cycle of encouragement.

    4. Supportive Environment

    Meditating in community fosters a supportive environment where individuals can share their challenges, successes, and insights. This sense of community can be a valuable resource on one’s meditation journey.

    In the contemporary context, the choices for meditating in community have expanded, catering to a diverse range of preferences and beliefs. Importantly, these options are often designed to be inclusive and secular, making meditation accessible to people from various walks of life.

    Here are some to consider:

    1. Banyan

    Co-founded by globally-renowned teachers Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield, Banyan is an online platform that focuses on creating a digital meditation community where users can participate in live sessions, courses, discussions, and challenges. It strives to build a real sense of connection in the online space. Banyan honors both old and new, using proven practices from ancient wisdom traditions and adapting them to the modern world.

    2. Meetup Meditation Groups

    People can access the Meetup platform to connect individuals interested in local in-person or virtual meditation groups. This allows for a diverse range of community experiences. Many groups are secular and welcome participants with different backgrounds.

    3. Plumline

    For those who want to connect with people all across the globe and meditate in the Plum Village tradition, Plumline offers online group meditation options. Plumline also offers affinity groups, so meditators can connect with others sharing similar challenges or life experiences.

    4. Your Local Gym or Yoga Studio

    As demand grows, more fitness centers and yoga studios are featuring group meditation classes as part of their offerings. Call around and find out!

    5. Start Your Own Group

    As teacher Tara Brach notes, there’s nothing fancy or formal that is required to be in a meditation group. It’s possible to simply gather some friends together and create your own experience of meditating in community.

    As the world navigates the challenges of the pandemic and beyond, the practice of meditating in community offers a profound and accessible path to well-being. Whether online or in-person, the diverse options available cater to individuals seeking a sense of connection, shared focus, and personal growth.

    You can discover the transformative power of communal mindfulness with our 5-day online community event series, designed to fit seamlessly into your busy life. 

    Each day, you’ll experience a 20-minute guided meditation followed by a 10-minute Q&A session, led by our expert mindfulness teachers.

    We believe in making mindfulness accessible to everyone, so we’re offering this event on a ‘Pay What You Can’ basis. While we suggest a value of $75 or more to support the creation of these valuable resources, we welcome any contribution that feels right or possible for you.

    Event Details:

    • Dates: August 26th-30th, 2024
    • Time: 8am PDT / 11am EDT daily
    • Format: Live virtual event, 30 minutes each
    • Price: Pay what you can
    DATE TEACHER THEME
    26 Aug Chris Willard Belonging in Nature
    27 Aug Shamash Alidina Finding Peace Within
    28 Aug Caverly Morgan  Clear Inner Clutter
    29 Aug Sue Hutton Honoring Ourselves As We Are
    30 Aug Tovi Scruggs-Hussein Deepen Into BE-ing
    community connection meditation series



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