Tag: mindfulness at work

  • The Best Leaders Think: What About Me, What About You?

    The Best Leaders Think: What About Me, What About You?

    Many fail in leadership positions, despite outstanding individual performance. Daniel Goleman explains that they often miss two important mental stances, which the best leaders understand as critical to the job.

    A candidate for CEO told me he felt ready to take over an organization—his first post at the top—after he had gone through a leadership workshop. At the end, the trainer told him that he was an outstanding leader…potentially. It left the candidate wondering: What qualities do the best leaders have? And are they what we assume they are? 

    Of course he had never led a company before, and so had no track record. But he exuded self-confidence. Was that enough?

    That CEO candidate came to mind recently when I heard a new rap song that has two refrains:

    What about me?

    What will make me happy? What do I want to do? Where am I going?

    These are, of course, the kinds of thoughts that guide us through our days. Research at Harvard finds that we spend an average of half our time lost in thoughts about ourselves, how our relationships are going, and the like—and that this escalates to around 90 percent while we commute, at work, and while we are looking at a video screen (as you are probably doing right now).

    What’s Happening In the Brain & Why That Matters

    The brain circuitry for these me-thoughts lies in the mid-section of the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive center, just behind the forehead. Sometimes called the “mind-wandering circuit,” this area seems to spring into action as the brain’s default mode. While we are actively focusing on something—say a project at work—this default mode stays quiet. But the minute we lose our focus, it turns on, steering our thoughts away from work and back to our me-concerns.

    That’s why staying focused takes active effort. The good news: it can be enhanced with systematic training. And in today’s hyper-distracted life, the ability to get focused at will and stay that way has greater and greater value.

    The brain capacity to focus uses prefrontal circuits that also help us manage our feelings and stir positive attitudes and goals—and have the grit to achieve them.

    That “about you” requires using different circuitry in the brain. Those promoted to leadership at any level, from team to CEO, need to be adept in social awareness and relationship management—all functions of the brain’s social circuitry.

    These two mental stances—about me, about you—each represent the activity of very different parts of our brain’s wiring, and full emotional intelligence requires we use both. The first two parts of emotional intelligence—self-awareness and self-management—are “about me.” A high-performing leader first must lead herself.

    But then there are the needs of everyone else, and of the whole organization. That “about you” requires using different circuitry in the brain. Those promoted to leadership at any level, from team to CEO, need to be adept in social awareness and relationship management—all functions of the brain’s social circuitry.

    That’s what the second refrain from that rap song—What about you?—refers to. In other words, I’m tuning into what you feel, think, and need. That’s what leadership requires—and what I failed to hear from this would-be CEO. He said nothing of his vision for the organization, his ideas for fresh strategies, nor how it was doing in its competitive ecosystem and how he might help it do better. There was no “about you” in his thinking.

    Our “about you” circuits are to be found in the social brain. They come in distinct flavors: one circuit guides our understanding of the other person’s thoughts; other circuits tune into their feelings. And still another set of circuits determine whether we want to help that person.

    And those who fail in a leadership position, despite having been outstanding as individual performers, very often have a deficit here. Highly effective leaders have all three going.



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  • Bring Your Practice to Digital Work

    Bring Your Practice to Digital Work

    I’m fascinated by technology, yet I yearn for a calm, peaceful life. This dual interest led me to draw insights from both camps and experiment with a mindful way of being with tech, not against it. For my entire adult life, I’ve been trying to figure out how to live mindfully and love technology at the same time.

    This has been a very personal journey, but a big part of it is professional, too. I love sitting in silence when I can, but I’m also a tech designer and entrepreneur. I lead a fractional product team creating mindfulness-related technologies remotely from a laptop, so I know the struggle of finding balance with tech more than most. 

    It’s not easy to do your best work, think deeply, and be creative in this attention economy. 

    It’s not easy to do your best work, think deeply, and be creative in this attention economy. It’s even harder to stay grounded when the pressure is high and you’re swimming in emails, notifications, and demands. Here are a few of my favorite tips to mindfully fine-tune the ways you engage with tech at work. 

    1. Redesign Your Work Environment

    Recently, I had a big project that demanded a lot of focus. It was hard to even imagine, knowing all the requests that pull at my attention on any given workday. I reduced the burden on my willpower by installing my second computer monitor on a swivel and putting a big, comfy chair on the other side of my desk. 

    Now, whenever I need to focus on something (including as I type these words), I rotate my second monitor to face backward with nothing else visible. I sit on the wrong side of my desk and type on a wireless keyboard with no trackpad. I can’t reach my email, social media, and web browser. And they can’t reach me. 

    Those who create tech aren’t the only ones who can leverage the power of design. My physical setup provides me with the constraint I need to get into a flow without too much effort. I couldn’t redesign the operating system, but I did redesign the room in which it operates.

    This mindset also helps me park my phone outside of work hours. When I’m at home with my family, I try to leave it charging on my desk as much as possible. If I want to check something, I’m forced to politely excuse myself and walk over to my desk. Less convenient, but just enough friction to prevent me from habitually reaching for Slack or my work email while my six-year-old is trying to play with me.

    2. Be Intentional With Email 

    When I start my workday, the first thing on my calendar is a block of time to clear my inbox. I do this for a few important reasons.

    First, I don’t have work email on my phone, so I don’t see messages in the evening or early morning and feel like I need to catch up. On top of that, I like taking time to respond thoughtfully to people to prevent downstream conflicts and miscommunications. I even try to include something in every message that might make the receiver smile.

    Mindfully noticing patterns in how tech influences your state of mind will help you make similar skillful adjustments to accommodate your unique habits and idiosyncrasies.

    At the end of the day, I check my email one last time, but I try not to send any replies. If I do, I’ll ruminate on whatever I sent and compulsively check for replies in the evening. And if I actually get a reply in the evening, instead of satisfying me, it usually ends up with me sneaking back into my office late at night to follow up.

    This tip isn’t necessarily for everyone; it’s a nuance I’ve discovered about myself. Mindfully noticing patterns in how tech influences your state of mind will help you make similar skillful adjustments to accommodate your unique habits and idiosyncrasies.

    3. Reject False Urgency 

    Across both personal and professional information channels, there’s one destructive illusion that makes tech way more stressful than it needs to be: false urgency. Work messaging becomes much saner when you customize it to present with an appropriate level of urgency for the information being conveyed.

    Consider how urgent your current settings are, compared to how urgent they need to be.

    For email, team messaging, calendar alerts, project notifications, or any other information channels, you can consider how urgent your current settings are compared to how urgent they need to be. An alert on your phone notifying you that a critical system just failed makes sense. That same alert is unnecessary for a random email that can easily wait until tomorrow.

    It also helps to manage urgency with your team. At Still Ape, we have a communications charter that describes how urgently we expect each other to reply: Emails warrant a response within two days, work messaging within one day, a text within a few hours, and calls immediately. When we tag someone in a document, we don’t expect them to see it until they’re actively in the file. Not only does our charter protect receivers’ attention, it also prevents senders from anxiously waiting for immediate replies on a non-immediate channel.

    If you’ve been frantically refreshing your inbox, it might feel pretty uncomfortable to slow down. It’ll get easier as you form new habits and your team builds new expectations. Rejecting false urgency frees up a lot of mental energy for focus, creativity, deep thinking, and effective collaboration. 

    4. Use AI Wisely

    You can use AI apps to gather and assemble ideas quickly, but at least for now, you need to pause to verify facts, trim the excess, and edit for clarity and authenticity. For many tasks, AI is more like cruise control than autopilot; you still need to steer.

    By now you’ve probably seen an AI agent join a video call, listen to an entire meeting, and then email everyone an immediate summary. But did you actually read the summary? Probably not, unless a human being who understood the full context edited it down to what actually matters.

    Things are evolving quickly in this space, but as a rule, I recommend making sure it doesn’t take you less time to create something than it will for others to engage with it. If it does, respect your recipient’s attention by spending a bit more time reading it and refining it yourself. Something feels off about having ChatGPT whip up a 10-page report in two minutes and expecting others to read it in-depth when you didn’t even bother.

    Your work might look very different from these examples. It’s all good. People are diverse, and things change over time. What matters is that a mindful relationship with technology is all about paying close attention to how different tech affects you and using that insight to fearlessly experiment in your own life.

    Excerpt from Reclaim Your Mind: Seven Strategies to Enjoy Tech Mindfully by Jay Vidyarthi, published by Still Ape Press. Copyright © 2025 by Jay Vidyarthi. 



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  • Get It Done With Mindfulness: How to Be Productive with Attention, Kindness, and Wisdom

    Get It Done With Mindfulness: How to Be Productive with Attention, Kindness, and Wisdom

    Last spring, I struggled to finish my most recent book, Happy Relationships: 25 Buddhist Practices to Transform Your Connection with Your Partner, Family, and Friends. I missed two deadlines and spent many anxious nights lying awake, worried I might not finish the book at all—or that I would ruin it completely. Even though I was working hard, I constantly felt I wasn’t writing fast enough or well enough. I doubted my talent, questioned my worth, and procrastinated, all while criticizing myself harshly.

    In the past, I’d pushed myself through projects using force, pressure and fear. But this time, that approach wasn’t working. I knew I needed something different to genuinely be productive—something kinder and softer. So I turned to the tools and teachings of my Buddhist training: mindfulness, lovingkindness, and wisdom. As I began practicing them, my relationship to my work quickly shifted, and I felt less overwhelmed and more at ease, and it became easier and felt more natural to write. In a few weeks, I finally finished my book.

    Mindful Care Makes It Easier to Be Productive

    You can use these same practices to support your own work. They’re simple and accessible, and all they require is that you bring gentle attention to your body, mind, and heart. You don’t need to use every tool or follow them in a specific order. Just start with Mindful Listening, and then turn to the others as needed. The more you use them, the easier they become—and the more they can help steady, encourage, and support you and your work.

    Start with Mindful Listening

    When you feel overwhelmed or stuck, pause. Sit quietly and listen inwardly. Notice your body. Observe your thoughts. Acknowledge your emotions without trying to fix or judge them. You might realize that your procrastination isn’t due to laziness, but to something deeper—perhaps fear or a sense of being overwhelmed. Underneath your procrastination is often a tender part of you that needs care, not pressure.

    This practice of listening is the foundation of wise action. It helps you respond with understanding instead of reactivity. It reminds you that you can begin again, not by changing yourself, but by meeting yourself with compassion.

    Reconnect with Joyful Effort

    One of the most useful qualities you can cultivate is what Buddhists call “virya”—a Sanskrit term translated as energy, diligence, or effort. “Virya” doesn’t mean pushing or grinding – rather it refers to our wholehearted, joyful energy that we can direct toward what is beneficial, useful, and good.

    If you’ve been treating your work like a burden or obligation, pause and reconnect with your original intention. Your work—whatever it is—can be a meaningful offering, an expression of your values. When you remember why it matters, you can let it guide you, and use virya instead of force to create the words, the progress, or the result. You’ll be surprised at the power of gentleness and sincerity to drive your process instead.

    If you’ve been treating your work like a burden or obligation, pause and reconnect with your original intention.

    Build Confidence Through Wisdom

    Buddhism understands that it’s wise to understand the result of past actions, so recall other difficult tasks or projects that you’ve completed. Remember that you’ve met deadlines, kept commitments, and followed through even when it was hard. Buddhist wisdom teaches that confidence doesn’t come from perfection—it comes from recognizing and respecting your own experience. Keeping this in mind helps you know that you’ll complete this, too—not because you’re perfect, but because you’re reliable, trustworthy, and consistent.

    Cultivate Gratitude

    Throughout your work day, practice gratitude—not just for your own effort, but for the countless visible and invisible beings that make your life and work possible. Thank yourself for showing up. Remember your friends, mentors, loved ones, and even the workers who make sure you have electricity, water, food, and shelter. This sense of interconnection can help ground you in appreciation. It reminds you that you’re not alone—and that your work can benefit others, too.

    Work in Small, Steady Steps

    Rather than aiming for long hours or big breakthroughs, create a steady, manageable routine. If possible, try working for an hour or two each morning and then take a break. Let go of the need to hit a word count or finish a full chapter. Just begin.

    When worry arises, meet it with mindful attention. Don’t try to silence it or push it away, but don’t follow it into catastrophic thinking, either. Let the thoughts come and go. Remind yourself that fear doesn’t need to be conquered—it needs to be met with patience, kindness, and presence.

    Rest When You Need To

    As deadlines approach, you might notice old habits returning—the urge to push harder, to avoid rest. When that happens, pause. Close your laptop, put your hand on your heart, and take a few slow breaths. You may notice a long-held belief that resting is dangerous or irresponsible. Notice your own stories around what it means to “be productive.” Gently acknowledge this, then place a hand on your heart and say to yourself, “I’m here for you.” Repeat this lovingkindness meditation to yourself for at least a few minutes. Offer yourself your whole-hearted presence, right here in the midst of your stress. You may find—like I did—that rest doesn’t slow you down at all. In fact, it usually restores your heart and mind and enables you to return to your work with better focus and more clarity.

    Need Help Practicing? Try This Meditation.

    Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a break, try this calming meditation. You might be surprised how just a simple pause can return you to yourself and help you be productive in a way that feels much more aligned and natural. 



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  • Why Male Allyship Matters in the Workplace

    Why Male Allyship Matters in the Workplace

    The COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted our work lives, particularly for women. As of January 2021, over 2.3 million women had left the workforce in the US during the pandemic, leaving only 57% of women working or looking for work—the lowest rate since 1988. The pandemic seems to be setting back many of the gains that those who identify as women have made in the workplace in the past several decades. 

    This hurts women, businesses, and society. According to a 2012 study of 1,500 companies, “female representation in top management leads to an increase of $42 million in firm value.” Female leaders seem to be particularly important for companies thriving on innovation. Notably, the more women occupy a company’s C-suite and corporate boards, the better its sustainability and corporate social responsibility initiatives.  

    One pathway toward creating a culture of diversity and belonging is to empower allies at work.

    One pathway toward creating a culture of diversity and belonging is to empower allies at work. An ally is someone who is not a member of an underrepresented group but who holds a position of privilege and power and can advocate and take action to support that less represented group, without taking over their voice. Research suggests that when marginalized group members have coworker allies, they have increased job satisfaction, lower anxiety, and a stronger workplace commitment. As women make their way in a post-COVID work world, male allies can help advocate that their voices are heard and that commitments to equity and inclusion are taken seriously.  

    What Is Male Allyship?

    To address bias against women at work, and have brave conversations about topics such as equal pay and equitable hiring and promotion, men who hold positions of power—normally white, cisgendered men—need to use their influence, knowledge, and resources to support folks who identify as women, people of color, and marginalized communities. Allyship is important in making sure that everyone is not only invited to the table but is also heard, acknowledged, and recognized for their contributions. 

    Being an ally is by no means easy. Would-be male allies may struggle to identify subtle forms of sexism or exclusion at work and fear backlash when they speak out. Research suggests that men may be unsure how to be an ally and have trouble navigating power dynamics at work. But a commitment to equity, as well as support from other men, can help motivate men to act as allies. 

    When men speak up on behalf of women, they’re more likely to be taken seriously by other men. As a result, women who have experienced sexism or oppression feel more confident and empowered. According to a new study, women who believe they have strong allies at work feel a greater sense of inclusion and more energy and enthusiasm on the job. 

    Below are some suggestions for how to be an ally to women, and how to create a broader workplace culture that welcomes allyship. These recommendations are based on my personal and professional observations and the countless interviews I conducted with folks on this topic while researching my new book Shine. I also share stories from several inspiring male allies (and friends) who I interviewed on this topic on my podcast

    9 Ways to Be a Male Ally  

    If you’re a man (and particularly if you hold a position of power) within an organization, and you recognize you can influence the work culture for the better, here are some best practices.

    1) Declare yourself a male ally to yourself and your team.

    Vince Guglielmetti, Intel’s vice president of the Americas general manufacturing operations, has publicly claimed to be a male ally with his leadership team and in direct reports. He sees himself as having a balance of masculine and feminine qualities. “I am my mother’s son,” he often says. Intel has a commitment to hire 40% women in technology fields by 2022/2023. Intel has created a framework that builds a pipeline for new hires, retains people, and promotes inclusive leadership.  

    2) Be mindful of your bias and embrace a growth mindset.

    Brian McComak, who is a diversity and inclusion consultant with over 20 years of experience in human resources, sees allyship as grounded in the awareness of privilege.

    “What the concept of male allyship does, in my mind, is centers an understanding of the experience of men and the privilege of men in our society. The key element of it is having an awareness of how that identity shapes how I get to experience the world and how I use that identity to make a difference,” says McComak.  

    Research suggests that teaching men to reflect on their privileges and encouraging awareness increases men’s sensitivity to and willingness to confront sexism. 

    3) Go to the source.

    Ask women, nonbinary people, people of color, and other less dominant groups how you can help. Do they need sponsorship, mentorship? More learning opportunities? Something else? Ask how you can support them. For example, you might share your social capital through information and knowledge, or your influence through organizational resources, invitations, and introductions.

    In his role as an ally, Guglielmetti is straightforward, asking women, people of color, and LGBTQIA+ people, “I know you need my voice. How can I be your voice?”

    4) Cultivate supportive partnerships with women and less dominant groups.

    “I think of [male allyship] as the lifelong process of building relationships based on trust, consistency, and accountability with marginalized people,” says Willie Jackson, head of learning and development at ReadySet, a consulting firm specializing in making more equitable, diverse, and inclusive work environments.  

    Over time, relationships like this allow you to gain an understanding of perspectives, life experiences, and identities that are different from your own.

    5) Speak up and “call in” other people if you see them abusing their power with others.

    As an ally, you can hold conscious or unconscious acts of hurt, exclusion, or harm accountable, also known as microaggressions. Stating what you see happening and taking just action are key to change. Silence is complicity and only perpetuates the cycle. 

    For example, Guglielmetti challenges and speaks directly to microaggressions and recruits other male leaders to take on male allyship roles and lend their voices to disenfranchised minorities. Research suggests that allyship is more empowering for women when men act out of a belief in equity, rather than the paternalistic idea that men should protect women. 

    6) Step back so others can step forward.

    Kyle Grubman is a principal learning and development partner at LinkedIn. When he is asked to work on a project or has the opportunity to volunteer, he considers whether saying no to the opportunity might allow someone else to take it on, someone who wouldn’t normally get asked. 

    Similarly, when Jackson is asked to speak at an event, he sometimes suggests women to speak in his place. He also tries to “take up less space” in meetings, speaking less and welcoming more women’s perspectives. 

    7) Model different ways of being.

    Instead of conforming to masculine norms in the workplace, where people are expected to be aggressive and unemotional, Jackson tries to show up with more gentleness, empathy, and vulnerability at work, which hopefully allows women and other folks to do the same. “That gives them permission to do so as well, and subconsciously signals that they don’t need to perform or show up in a particular way in order to engage with me, in order to seem credible,” he says. 

    8) Be mindful of the way you communicate.

    Realizing the ways that bias can creep into language and conversations, Jackson acknowledges the potential impact of his words and tries to invite discussion and feedback. Before expressing an opinion, for example, he might say, “Not to mansplain this, or you might know this better than I do…” 

    In his role as a leader, McComak acknowledges his fallibility and invites feedback from his teammates. “I want to be respectful. I want to be encouraging. I want to be supportive. And I also know that I’m going to get it wrong sometimes,” he says. So he tells his team: “I want to be open to hearing what you need to help me understand or see differently. And if I got something wrong, then I will apologize for it. . .  You have that permission to challenge me, and I’m really grateful.”

    9) Understand the impact your words or actions have caused in the past, take responsibility for them, and course-correct.

    Grubman acknowledges that it can be difficult to work hard at being an ally and then receive feedback that your words or actions have hurt others. For example, at a workshop he organized where he actively tried to celebrate stories of all genders, he was told that the many sports analogies he used made it feel less inclusive. “It’s hard to sit with that feedback, but I know it’s good for me and I know it reveals blind spots,” he says. “It makes me better in the long run.”

    How anyone can encourage male allyship at work

    When we raise our expectations on matters of inclusion, we can have deeper conversations on this essential aspect of workplace culture. No matter your gender, here are some structural ways to encourage male allyship at your workplace:

    • Encourage and facilitate more positive professional interactions among men, women, and nonbinary people. Research suggests that the more positive interactions men have with women in workplace settings, the less prejudice and exclusion they tend to demonstrate. 
    • Invite men to attend discussions and events around gender equity in the workplace. This will make efforts to increase inclusion, diversity, and belonging more successful. 
    • Give men an important role to play in gender parity efforts. The motivation for this role can be tied to personal examples and a sense of fairness and justice. Many men want to support women, different races, and other less dominant groups, but don’t know how to step in and offer aid. This requires all people to ask men for what they need. 
    • Create a male allies group at work to understand, identify, and incorporate gender-supportive behaviors on the job and elsewhere. This can also be a space for men to gain encouragement and community from other male allies.

    Personally, I have learned the benefit of asking male leaders and mentors for sponsorship and mentorship in my life. I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t had the courage to ask for the support of male allies. 

    To encourage the momentum of male allies, we can also acknowledge the men in our lives who have sponsored, mentored, and supported us in different ways. One simple way to do this is to reach out to these people to show your appreciation. We can also encourage men to challenge other men to be better: to be advocates for women, people of color, marginalized identities, and LGBTQ+ folks. We can encourage men to be vulnerable and showcase all of their emotions—sadness, anger, fear—by creating a culture that embraces a social contract of nonjudgment, psychological safety, and kindness. In this way, we can support a more wholesome version of manhood and of being human.

    This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. View the original article.

    Can Mindfulness Help Us Dismantle Inequality? 

    The same mindfulness practices that transform problematic habits and thought patterns can help us tune in to the subtle ways that society cultivates barriers and “draws us to reinvest in segregation,” says mindful law expert Rhonda Magee. Read More 

    How Mindfulness Can Help us Talk About the Things That Divide Us 

    Mindful editor-in-chief Barry Boyce talks with writer and editor Stephanie Domet about how mindfulness helps us deepen our caring not only for ourselves, but also for others, no matter how different from us they may seem. And, we meet the Mindful Vulgarian, and talk a little about MOMing, also known as Mouthing off Mindfully. Read More 

    • Barry Boyce and Stephanie Domet
    • July 16, 2019
    Turning Toward Collaborative Leadership 

    How a deep mindfulness practice helped Jessica Morey loosen the reins at Inward Bound Mindfulness Education, and empower the organization to adopt a new way to work. Read More 

    • Stephanie Domet
    • November 19, 2020



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  • Why Emotional Self-Control Matters – Mindful

    Why Emotional Self-Control Matters – Mindful

    Releasing anger and frustration can actually help you regain control over a hectic day or win back productivity after feeling frazzled. But you have to do it with awareness.

    On the surface, these three people live worlds apart:

    • Stefan works as a family practice nurse practitioner/manager in a busy urban clinic in the American Midwest.
    • Angelique turned her talent for design into a thriving business using recycled textiles to create clothing she markets throughout southeast Asia.
    • Avery directs a large non-profit organization focused on improving access to nutritious food in poor communities in northern England.

    Beneath the surface, they’re closer than you’d think:

    • Stefan’s grief about his marriage ending distracts him, making him less available to his patients and coworkers.
    • Angelique can barely suppress feelings of rage whenever she sees email messages from a former supplier who is suing her.
    • Avery’s intense anxiety about upcoming funding cuts leaks out as overly critical interactions with staff members.

    In different industries, on different continents, these three leaders have this in common: their inability to manage distressing emotions hurts their effectiveness at work. They each lack emotional self-control, one of twelve core competencies in our model of emotional and social intelligence.

    What is Emotional Self-Control?

    Emotional self-control is the ability to manage disturbing emotions and remain effective, even in stressful situations. Notice that I said “manage,” which is different from suppressing emotions. We need our positive feelings—that’s what makes life rich. But we also need to allow ourselves the space and time to process difficult emotions, but context matters. It’s one thing to do it in a heartfelt conversation with a good friend, and entirely another to release your anger or frustration at work. With emotional self-control, you can manage destabilizing emotions, staying calm and clear-headed.

    Why Does Emotional Self-Control Matter?

    To understand the importance of emotional self-control, it helps to know what’s going on in our brain when we’re not in control. In my book, The Brain and Emotional Intelligence, I explained:

    “The amygdala is the brain’s radar for threat. Our brain was designed as a tool for survival. In the brain’s blueprint the amygdala holds a privileged position. If the amygdala detects a threat, in an instant it can take over the rest of the brain—particularly the prefrontal cortex—and we have what’s called an amygdala hijack.

    During a hijack, we can’t learn, and we rely on over-learned habits, ways we’ve behaved time and time again. We can’t innovate or be flexible during a hijack.

    The hijack captures our attention, beaming it in on the threat at hand. If you’re at work when you have an amygdala hijack, you can’t focus on what your job demands—you can only think about what’s troubling you. Our memory shuffles, too, so that we remember most readily what’s relevant to the threat—but can’t remember other things so well. During a hijack, we can’t learn, and we rely on over-learned habits, ways we’ve behaved time and time again. We can’t innovate or be flexible during a hijack.

    … the amygdala often makes mistakes…. while the amygdala gets its data on what we see and hear in a single neuron from the eye and ear—that’s super-fast in brain time—it only receives a small fraction of the signals those senses receive. The vast majority goes to other parts of the brain that take longer to analyze these inputs—and get a more accurate reading. The amygdala, in contrast, gets a sloppy picture and has to react instantly. It often makes mistakes, particularly in modern life, where the ‘dangers’ are symbolic, not physical threats. So, we overreact in ways we often regret later.”

    The Impact of Distressed Leaders

    Research across the world and many industries confirms the importance of leaders managing their emotions. Australian researchers found that leaders who manage emotions well had better business outcomes. Other research shows that employees remember most vividly negative encounters they’ve had with a boss. And, after negative interactions, they felt demoralized and didn’t want to have anything more to do with that boss.

    How to Develop Emotional Self-Control

    How can we minimize emotional hijacks? First, we need to use another emotional intelligence competency, emotional self-awareness. That starts with paying attention to our inner signals—an application of mindfulness, which lets us see our destructive emotions as they start to build, not just when our amygdala hijacks us.

    If you can recognize familiar sensations that a hijack is beginning—your shoulders tense up or your stomach churns—it is easier to stop it.

    If you don’t notice your amygdala has hijacked the more rational part of your brain, it’s hard to regain emotional equilibrium until the hijack runs its course. It’s better to stop it before it gets too far. To end a hijack, start with mindfulness, monitoring what’s going on in your mind. Notice “I’m really upset now” or “I’m starting to get upset.” If you can recognize familiar sensations that a hijack is beginning—your shoulders tense up or your stomach churns—it is easier to stop it.

    Then, you can try a cognitive approach: talk yourself out of it, reason with yourself. Or you can intervene biologically. Meditation or relaxation techniques that calm your body and mind—such as deep belly breathing—are very helpful. As with mindfulness, these work best during the hijack when you have practiced them regularly. Unless these methods have become a strong habit of the mind, you can’t invoke them out of the blue.



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  • How Leaders Build Trust at Work Through Authenticity

    How Leaders Build Trust at Work Through Authenticity

    How much trust does your organization experience? That’s the first question I ask when I do a culture assessment with the businesses I serve. Trust is the essential ingredient and foundation for all relationships and businesses. Unless leaders build trust, they can’t build anything that will succeed for the long term, and any kind of organizational change will be seriously challenged.

    Organizational scholars define trust as our willingness to be vulnerable to the actions of others because we believe they have good intentions and will behave well toward us. In other words, we let others have power over us because we don’t think they’ll hurt us; we think they’ll help us and have our backs. When the trust level is high within coworker relationships, it corresponds to trusting the company that employs us, and we feel confident it won’t deceive us or abuse its relationship with us. 

    But what are the mechanics of this? How do we trust? In order to trust someone, especially someone who is unfamiliar to us—which means we haven’t had the opportunity to develop trust yet—our brains build a model of what the person is likely to do and why. And there’s a lot going on beneath the surface; we use both mindfulness and empathy during every collaborative endeavor. This means both people in an interaction are always assessing, Should I trust you? How much do you trust me? Some of us are innately trusting, naturally seeking positive intent and putting we, before me. But in my experience, trust is earned. This is why it matters that we as leaders build trust with those we lead. It is not wise to trust someone blindly until you have vetted that they are, in fact, trustworthy.  

    Trust and Safety Requires Nurturing

    The level of trust in an organization is influenced by how much psychological safety exists. Do people feel safe voicing their honest opinions? Do they believe that any criticism aimed their way will be fair and that their response to it will be heard? Teams that enjoy high trust levels have been shown to be more creative and to come to decisions faster. They’re higher performing teams because they’re willing to admit mistakes and to call out problems and challenges and ask for help. If two teams are equally smart, why would a more trusting team be more productive than a less trusting one? Because they iterate faster. They learn faster. And why do they do that? Because they trust each other to be honest and point out the things they’re discovering in real time. A foundation of safety helps these team members understand and develop those discoveries quickly, collaborate smoothly, and cocreate with flow. 

    In the workplace, trust is highly influenced by leadership because leaders model the behaviors others will follow. When leaders lead with fear and dominance, trust and safety suffer in the long run. A boss who berates, threatens, or punishes you will affect your performance and ability to speak up authentically as you focus your attention on self-protection. This leads to feelings of “learned helplessness” as employees avoid the boss and/or remain as invisible as they can by doing the minimum. And face it: this kind of leadership behavior hurts, to the point of inflicting trauma. 

    Humans experience social rejection and social pain in the brain’s pain matrix for longer than they experience physical pain. Research in neuroscience has shown this. We are wired to connect and belong. If we lack the trust and safety that are essential to belonging, we feel that our very survival is threatened, which prolongs our suffering. To turn this around, we can consciously and actively work to create greater belonging using conscious leadership techniques at work and in the world. Belonging means belonging to yourself, as well as being connected to a purpose larger than yourself. 

    Authenticity In Action 

    Being authentic is one of the fastest ways to create psychological safety in the workplace.  

    Psychological safety is the sense that we can share our feelings, beliefs, and experiences openly with others at work without fear of reprimand, losing status, or punishment. Studies on psychological safety conducted in collaboration between Google and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) found it to be one of the most important factors in creating successful teams and thus high performing, innovative organizations. This insight is the result of almost 30 years of research by Amy Edmondson. Psychological safety supports moderate risk taking, speaking your mind, creativity, and most importantly trust. In my work with teams and senior leaders, I assess the psychological safety of the individual leader, the team and the culture first.

    Before leaders build trust through being courageous in our interactions with others, we need the courage to understand ourselves and what’s important to us. Try out this practice that focuses on cultivating this understanding. 

    A Mindful Practice to Deepen Your Inner Trust

    Find a quiet space if you can and take out a journal. Take a minute or two to breathe and tap into your center. Now think of a recent experience you had with a partner, friend, family member, or coworker where you wanted to be authentic, but weren’t. Imagine pausing at the height of this interaction and asking yourself the following questions:

    • What am I afraid would happen if I shared my thoughts and feelings with this person right now?
    • How will I feel if I don’t share them?
    • If I weren’t afraid, what would I most want to say to this person right now?
    • How can I be even more open and vulnerable?

    Cultivating Trust with Your Teams at Work

    As leaders and managers, it’s important that we’re the first ones to model how to be authentic in the workplace. Josh Tetrick, cofounder and CEO of Eat Just, Inc., and I talked about his process of hiring for resilience and developing a resilient culture by leading with authenticity. First and foremost, Josh makes it clear in his communications what he cares about most. Eat Just’s mission is to increase the consumption of plant-based foods, to reduce animal maltreatment and forest degradation. Josh has found that the more confident he is in his mission and who he is, the more vulnerable and humble he can be when he makes mistakes. 

    He now recognizes that when Eat Just was just starting, he projected more self-assurance—to the point of arrogance—than he really felt because he wanted to sound more confident than he really was. But as he’s stepped into leading, he’s learned that he’s good at some things and not so good at others, and he knows and accepts that. This frees him from feeling the need to overcompensate and allows him to be his authentic self.

    Josh let me in on some of the things he says when interviewing new hires: “This is the kind of company we are—this is the mission. If you gave me a 100% chance to get bought by an investor or a 20% chance to stay in the ring and get closer to achieving our mission, I’d choose the 20% probability.” 

    Then he tells potential new hires he wants them to ask themselves if they’re willing to get gritty, step into the unknown, and stay focused on that mission for the long haul. Sharing his truth upfront in this way weeds out people who aren’t the greatest fit for the culture. Josh takes the same approach with investors. 

    Josh also asks job candidates questions that are designed to assess their resilience, because he’s found that those who are the best fit for his company are inherently resilient. Josh offers a great example of how leaders build trust by cultivating a strong inner game of authenticity and sharing your truth and confidence as a leader on the outside. 

    Leading from authenticity sometimes means leading from vulnerability. According to Brené Brown, vulnerability entails uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. As a leader, you have the opportunity to create conditions that support naming the fears that come up around being vulnerable. Once they’re named, you can get past fear to the place where courage arises and encourage more confidence, teamwork, and connection.

    4 Questions to Foster Your Authentic Self 

    When we fear that we can’t think and act as we truly are, we put parts of ourselves on hold. Here’s how we can begin to let go of expectations and pressures and tend to our wants and needs with kindness. Read More 

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    • October 12, 2016
    Why Vulnerability is Your Superpower 

    Dr. Michael Gervais speaks with author and researcher Dr. Brené Brown about the relationship between vulnerability and courage, and what it takes to show up even when you can’t control the outcome. Read More 

    • Mindful Staff
    • November 20, 2018



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