Tag: mindful parenting

  • A Meditation on Working With Our Fear And Parenting From Love

    A Meditation on Working With Our Fear And Parenting From Love

    Experiencing a season of struggle with your kid? You’re not alone. This gentle practice can help reconnect you with steadiness so you can keep parenting from love.

    In our concern for our children, sometimes we respond from a place of fear and worry. From time to time, we can even lose touch with the love that lies beneath that concern. 

    Reconnecting with the ground of our love and the wish for our children to be happy and well, especially in moments of difficulty, can be incredibly beneficial. 

    This practice from Wendy O’Leary offers a pause of support and encouragement that can bring you back to that core of compassionate wisdom—and you can return to it anytime you need help parenting from love.

    A Meditation on Working With Our Fear And Parenting From Love

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. Get into a comfortable seated position. You can close your eyes or gently look down and soften your gaze, whatever works best for you. 
    2. As we settle in here, bring your attention to your breath or feel the sensations of your body as it connects with the earth. Feet on the floor, backs of the legs on a chair or a cushion. Invite the attention to settle in a bit. Arrive in this moment by dropping into the body with the breath and the sensations of the contact points of the body. Gently settle in. 
    3. Now, I invite you to shift your attention to think about your child, maybe even picturing them in your imagination, calling to mind a time when you felt warm and loving feelings towards them. Notice what they were doing and remember how you felt in that moment. You might even imagine that someone has asked you, What do you love about your child? What words, phrases, images, or descriptions come to mind? 
    4. Gently check in and notice how you feel in your body, mind, and heart as you recall what you love about your child. You could even invite that feeling of love and connection to grow and expand in your body, gently resting here in this felt sense of love for your child. Let yourself marinate in this feeling of love and warmth and care. 
    5. Now, think of the time when your child was struggling. You don’t need to think of the most difficult struggle—instead, go with something that is a three or a four on a one to 10 scale. 
    6. As you allow the situation to more fully enter your awareness, check in again with your body. Often, when we are focused on a difficulty, especially when it’s related to our child, there can be a habitual tendency to contract and lean forward. Check it out and see if that’s true for you. To counteract this tendency, gently lean back just a little. This can be a physical leaning back or even an energetic settling back. Settle back and now invite the body to soften, even widen, creating space to hold whatever is there. We aren’t forcing anything here, it’s just a very gentle invitation to settle back and soften. Gently softening around the edges of any emotions we’re experiencing. 
    7. Now intentionally invite back that sense of love, holding the challenge in a spacious field of loving care and awareness. To help you do this, you might once again remind yourself of all the things you love about your child. You could even offer them some wishes of well-being and happiness as you picture them in your mind. May you be happy. May you well. May you safe. Or any wishes that feel true for you in this moment. 
    8. If the situation you’re calling to mind requires some response from you in some way, you might ask yourself, How would this love respond? You can also offer yourself a bit of care, because if your child is struggling, you are, too. So maybe place a gentle hand on the heart, or take a moment to remind yourself of our common humanity. You might say something to yourself like, Every parent struggles with their children sometimes. Every parent worries about their child at times. Or another phrase that might fit your situation. You could even say to yourself, This is hard, and I’m here for you, honey.  
    9. As you’re ready, you can open your eyes to close our formal practice. This practice can be a powerful way of reconnecting with feelings of love and cut through the worry and fears that we often experience as parents. It can be helpful to do the first part, remembering the love and care as a brief daily practice for a while, so you can more easily call up those feelings of love and connection in the midst of a challenging moment when you need the most help parenting from love. We want to acknowledge the hard stuff and not lose sight of the good and love that is underneath our worries and sometimes even our difficulties with our children. With my very best wishes, may you be happy and peaceful and move through life with ease and equanimity. Thank you for practicing with me.



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  • Cultivating Courage and Confidence in Motherhood

    Cultivating Courage and Confidence in Motherhood

    My memories of motherhood are filled with moments of self-doubt. No mother alive doesn’t go through some self-doubt. Given all of the ideas of what is best for children, it is easy to doubt your decisions. From the mundane to the seemingly “big decisions,” it is easy to spiral into negative emotion doubting ourselves. 

    A client of mine spent some time talking with me about the fact that she and her son and husband didn’t have a ritual for dinner together. It made sense for her family and their schedule that her son ate before her husband got home, yet nearly every day she would have thoughts of doubt about whether that was really okay. Turns out it was just fine, as now he is a wonderful young adult and they are very close. It seems silly looking back that we can get so hung up on things like this but it’s easy to do. How do we know it’s going to be okay?

    Magazines, newspapers, and websites often produce stories out of research findings that show how some action or behavior is linked to some outcome, even when there is no definitive evidence that it was the cause for the outcome. The best test of how something works for your family is how it works for your family, over time!

    How nice it would be to have a crystal ball to be able to know for sure that any given choice would be the “right choice,” and that everything would turn out okay. The mind can blow things way out of proportion and make the risk to their development and well-being seem enormous. In our grasping for certainty and our fear of our doubt, we may create a lot of optional suffering. It is helpful to kindly remind yourself that kids are resilient and that you can be too. You can always make new choices after seeing the outcome.

    When Fear Is Present

    Like self-doubt, fear is another major topic in parenting. From the barrage of news reports about terrible things happening to children, mass shootings, catastrophic weather events, wars, etc., there is plenty to fearfully focus on. Add to that “time travel” in the mind, thoughts of what might or could happen, and that’s a whole lot of optional suffering in motherhood. Using mindfulness, especially a regular practice of mindfulness of thoughts and feelings, can help you step out of autopilot to see if you are actually suffering unnecessarily.

    You can shift the focus of your mind at any time. Fear is not a sign that the feared outcome is going to happen. Trying to imagine how you would face something you are afraid of that isn’t happening right now is often a waste of energy and can lead to self-condemnation. My favorite mantras, “Just this moment,” and “Just here, just now,” really help me to get out of my mind and get back into the flow of life. When you find yourself trying to “think it away,” you have to choose to redirect the mind to just be with now, to be with what is right in front of you and let fear fade into the background. It may arise again, and you can refocus again.

    I have come to understand that when fear is present, I must dig deep to move toward the thing I value. I don’t need to be rid of the fear to get through it.

    I have come to understand that when fear is present, I must dig deep to move toward the thing I value. I don’t need to be rid of the fear to get through it. I can decide to dig deep anyway, giving myself positive self-talk along the way.

    Uncovering Your Courage 

    Being brave or having courage is often described in a way that looks like having no fear. Motherhood calls for courage from the very beginning. We may go into it with sweet ideas, but we soon come to see how much we are needing to face that’s frightening or intimidating. Just like with appreciation, it is useful to stop and recognize where you were courageous. Acknowledging when you were afraid and did stuff anyway helps grow a sense of confidence.

    A client of mine was worried about whether she could be brave in the face of helping her four-year old daughter through a surgery and an overnight stay at the hospital. She noticed that she often took her fearful thoughts to mean that she wouldn’t be brave. They were some kind of bad sign. If she thought these things now, how could she do it?

    Anxious anticipation can undermine any of us.

    She also felt terrible about herself for dreading it. I encouraged her to validate herself, when she noticed the dread, by saying, “This is really hard. It’s okay.” She found it really helpful to acknowledge that simple fact, rather than to indict herself as a bad mother for all of the fear and negative thoughts. No one wants to go through hard things, and there is so much that is hard. It’s really okay to acknowledge it.

    Choosing to Be Brave

    I will always remember one of the more profound moments when I decided to be brave; where I showed myself that I could be courageous. I was finishing up the bath with my toddler son when I heard my toddler daughter fall in the other room. I ran to see her and found she had fallen and split her chin open. Blood was everywhere and I was freaked out. Here was one of the moments as a mother I had feared I wouldn’t be up to when it finally arrived. I was terrified.

    Despite the urge to cry and run the other way, I soothed her and cleaned her up anyway. After calling the pediatrician’s office who recommended I take her to the emergency room to see if she needed stitches, I called my husband to tell him to drop everything and come home. I told my husband he would be going to the ER with her!

    We can choose again and again to turn toward what we want for ourselves or our child, regardless of the mind’s first reaction.

    It dawned on me a few minutes after I hung up with him that I wanted my kids to see me be strong. I wondered what kind of message I would be sending my daughter, who was leaning on me and my soothing, if I sent her off with her dad who had just come home from being gone all day. Certainly, it wouldn’t have hurt her, but I realized here was an opportunity.

    So, as much as I dreaded it, I asked my husband to stay with our son and I took her to the ER. A few stitches and several hours later we were back home and doing fine. Courage and confidence are not something you have or not. Remember the growth mindset. We can choose again and again to turn toward what we want for ourselves or our child, regardless of the mind’s first reaction.

    When we string together moments like that, those choices lead to courage and confidence. Another gift of motherhood! Where I once went running away, I tamed my fears of spiders, bees, and snakes as well! Motherhood can show us how brave we can be.


    Excerpt reproduced with author’s permission from Just This Moment: A Guide for Moms Who Want to Enjoy Parenting, Raise Great Kids and THRIVE! by Elizabeth Torres, Psy.D. ABPP. (2019). 

    Mindfulness for Kids 

    When we teach mindfulness to kids, we equip them with tools to build self-esteem, manage stress, and skillfully approach challenges. Explore our guide on how to introduce mindfulness and meditation to your children—at any age. Read More 

    • Mindful Staff
    • June 11, 2020

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  • On the Other Side of Sadness: Teaching Our Kids (and Ourselves) That It’s Okay to Feel Anything

    On the Other Side of Sadness: Teaching Our Kids (and Ourselves) That It’s Okay to Feel Anything

    My six-year-old daughter, Opal, wants nothing more than to go to the Humane Society to visit the dogs that “need the most love.” So we leave right from a half-day of school to do just that, eating almond butter and jelly sandwiches on the way.

    The entryway of the Boulder Valley Humane Society smells like wood chips. There is a stack of hamster cages by the front door, placed like intended impulse purchases, like Chapstick and breath mints at Target.

    “May I help you?” The pleasant lady behind the counter says with a mouth that is more gums than teeth.  I tell her we’d like to visit a dog or two that are especially in need of love.

    “Hmmm,” she says, thinking, with a close-mouthed smile. “Yes, Leo could use a visit. He’s big, that ok?”

    We have an 85-pound lab at home. I assure her we are accustomed to Big.

    We find Leo asleep on a bed in a very large crate with a bone-shaped sign marked “Sweetie pie.”  He is a five-year-old pit bull with a face as wide as a loaf of bread and fur the shade of sand. We return to the front room where we wait for a staff person to bring him out.

    I notice as we walk through the halls, many—but not all—of the dogs have the same bone-shaped signs hanging from their cages, but with all different descriptions: “Playful!” “Timid.” It occurs to me that the ones without the signs must not be as forthcoming in their nameable characteristics. In my mind I imagine hosting a party in the New Year where I’ll have each guest wear a little sign around their neck that states one of their prominent qualities: People pleaser. Observer. Perfectionist.

    Leo busts through the swinging doors, pulling a staff member behind him on a pink leash. This should be an indication of what we’re in for, but I grab the leash anyway and out the front doors we go. Walking this dog is essentially like walking a linebacker who is heading in the opposite direction. I desperately try to keep my footing while he pulls me down a muddy decline and we leave Opal behind, yelling MOM!

    Giving this dog love is proving to be an arduous task. So we start to head back towards the building where we came from.

    As we walk, I notice the fur is missing from the tops of both of Leo’s ears and there are chalky mushroom-shaped lumps on his skin where the hair should be growing. Same on the backs of his legs. There are pin stripes in his short fur where the hair doesn’t grow, much more subtle than the scars that would have come from the mouth or claws of another animals.

    Opal says, “Why does he look like that?”

    I tell her it looks like he’s been in a fight with another dog. Harmless enough—animals fight. I don’t say that it looks like he has probably been in dogfights. That he was likely rescued from a rough situation with either an abusive owner or an owner who condoned violence. The kind of scenario that gives pit bulls a bad name. He is horrid on a leash—left both of my hands red and burned from the yanking—but he doesn’t seem to have any fear of or aggression towards people. This, to me, is a marvel.

    Upon our return, we catch sight of a man playing with a pit bull puppy, smiling and laughing as the pup climbs into his lap then flops over the side. I can see that Opal wants that experience, so we give Leo a final head-scratch and then ask to trade him in for a puppy.

    The Discomfort, the Squirming Away, the Return to Presence

    We take one of seven pit bull puppies to a fenced-in area outside. The fresh air and the puppy-energy feel like a relief. He’s as small as a football and slick-black except for his belly and the tips of his paws, which are pure white. Watching him teeter and fumble from point A to point B is pure comedy. Opal is beside herself with delight.

    Then she asks the inevitable question: “Can we take him home?”

    I tell her no.  A puppy is way too much work. They poop and chew on everything. But we can come visit him next week.

    “What if he’s gone by then?”

    Opal doesn’t say much on the way home. “Blackbird” by the Beatles is playing on the radio—Take these broken wings and learn to fly. I can see her in the rear-view mirror gazing out the window with a million-mile stare.

    I tell her that if he’s gone, that would mean a good family adopted him. These puppies would probably get adopted really fast.

    Opal doesn’t say much on the way home. “Blackbird” by the Beatles is playing on the radio—Take these broken wings and learn to fly. I can see her in the rear-view mirror gazing out the window with a million-mile stare.

    At home, Opal drapes her body over my lap as we sit on the couch. Our huge lab is snoring at my feet. Opal is sniffling and periodically wipes her nose on her sleeve. I caress her hair.

    She says, “What if nobody wants to adopt Leo?” Plump little tears pool in the corners of her eyes.

    I tell Opal that maybe we shouldn’t return to the Humane Society if it’s just going to break her heart. But that only upsets her more and I quickly realize those words are counter to everything we’ve been teaching her.

    We—the Grimes family—have spent the better part of a year as a foster family. And we frequently talk about how we never need to shy away from big emotions, especially when they come as a repercussion of helping others. But it’s such a habit to either tense-up or cower in the face of unhappiness, and to want to shield others from the pain of being human.

    “Honey, the Humane Society will find a good home for Leo. And for the little puppy and all his brothers and sisters.”

    “But what if the man who adopts them is mean?”

    I know there are no shortcuts to getting to the other side of sadness aside from going through it.

    “Oh honey,” I say. I am constantly at odds with how much truth to share with her about this crazy, uncertain, often-terrifying-but-also-beautiful-and-miraculous world. I swing back and forth between feeling like I say too much, and not knowing what else to say.

    So I return to simply paying attention—to my own thoughts, my own discomfort, my own shallow breath, my own want to talk about happier things—because I know there are no shortcuts to getting to the other side of sadness aside from going through it.

    I ask, “Can you take a deep breath with me?”

    “Uh-huh.” She is looking up at me now as we inhale and exhale. Choppy, partial breaths at first, then calm and deep.

    “Hey, it’s okay to feel sadness, sweetie. Fact is, there is a lot of sadness in the world. We just keep doing what we can. And you did good today, giving love like you did.”

    It in that moment, she stands up, gathers herself, and flashes me a tiny but genuine smile as she moves on with her day.

    Realizing: It’s Okay to Feel My Own Sadness, Too

    Two days later, we take a trip to visit our beloved foster baby of nearly a year who returned to live with her parents three weeks earlier. This baby, we’ll call her Little Blue Eyes.

    I’m so pleased to find her looking happy and healthy, very connected to her mother. She has an adorable room with quilts on the walls, loads of toys and books. Their pit bull strangely resembles the one from the humane society, though he is exponentially more calm and civilized.

    I didn’t realize it, but many of my feelings of loss had been shuffled in with the hubbub of the holidays and travel. The grief is immediately present when I rest my gaze on her face and hear her say OpalOpalOpal.

    All good news. And yet, in spite of the fact that we will likely see her again, it feels as if this visit is a good-bye. Little Blue Eyes went home days before Christmas and I didn’t realize it, but many of my feelings of loss had been shuffled in with the hubbub of the holidays and travel. The grief is immediately present when I rest my gaze on her face and hear her say OpalOpalOpal.

    The sorrow feels like fatigue at first, then grumpy over-sensitivity during dinner. Then, later, after Opal is asleep, a torrent of tears comes like a valve has burst behind my eyes. I can’t stop it, though my first inclination is to do just that. My mindful self is telling me that crying is a natural and healthy reaction, and that I can relax with my sadness. But my body—bones and muscles—wants to make the discomfort go away. I am aware of all of this.

    I make my way into our bedroom where Jesse is watching TV. He sees my face and says, “Little Blue Eyes?”

    I think of how intense these emotions feel to me, a “big strong grown-up,” and I can only imagine how the same vast emotions must feel to my daughter, on the planet only six years and with much less experience in seeing her feelings through to the other side. It’s up to us to show her that emotions are fluid, always in flux.

    I nod and lie down next to him. I put my head on his chest the way Opal did with me a few days earlier. His heart is in my ear like a distant drum against my shifting breath. I think of how intense these emotions feel to me, a “big strong grown-up,” and I can only imagine how the same vast emotions must feel to my daughter, on the planet only six years and with much less experience in seeing her feelings through to the other side. It’s up to us to show her that emotions are fluid, always in flux.

    “It’s okay to feel sad,” Jesse says to me. “I feel sad, too.”

    These are the same words I spoke to Opal when we were on the couch, the same compassionate tone. I sit up and stretch my arms high and to the sides, the sound of inner-movement like a soft rumble deep in the canals of my ears. Some life re-enters my bones.

    Those words, “It’s okay to feel sad,” open a window in the tiny, claustrophobic room of emotion I am crouched in. And it isn’t so stifling anymore. This is what happens when I am mindful of not trying to manipulate, hide, or wrestle with my sadness. I can let it roam more freely until, naturally and eventually, it simply dissolves on the back of an unsuspecting outbreath.



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  • Raising Happy Children In Challenging Times: Practices that Build  Essential Skills For Well-Being

    Raising Happy Children In Challenging Times: Practices that Build  Essential Skills For Well-Being

    Sometimes happiness might seem like a stretch—for us and even for our children. The stresses of daily life, getting out the door in the morning, managing a household, coordinating schedules, as well as the bigger issues, including concern about the struggles in the world, can all take a toll on us as adults. Given the increasing issues with children’s mental health, we know it’s taking a toll on our children as well.

    And yet, amid difficulties, happiness is still attainable and essential to well-being and resilience. Research on adult well-being shows that there are specific steps we can take to develop and nurture happiness. 

    As James Baraz writes, joy is “a general feeling of aliveness and well-being that is characterized by meeting ups and downs in life with authenticity and perspective.” 

    Based on our work with children, we know this is true for them, as well. It can be as simple as enjoying a hug, being mesmerized by a ladybug, or giggling at the shape of a cloud. These simple pleasures can be little moments of joy for our children and for us—and they can be a part of raising happy children who are resilient, even in the middle of normal ups and downs.

    Not Denying Difficulty, But Opening to Possibility

    When we talk about raising happy children, we are not talking about “happiness” as the fleeting emotion that is a response to good or fun things. We are not suggesting pushing difficulties aside, but instead developing the capacity to hold them alongside our well-being. As James Baraz writes in Awakening Joy, joy is “a general feeling of aliveness and well-being that is characterized by meeting ups and downs in life with authenticity and perspective.” 

    We envision a happy child as one with a developing sense of ease with themselves, one who often sees and enjoys the good around them and within themselves. 

    Happiness is not a destination or something to be achieved, but rather what Chang Meng Tan, author of Search Inside Yourself, defines as “a deep sense of flourishing that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind.”

    We envision a happy child as one with a developing sense of ease with themselves, one who often sees and enjoys the good around them and within themselves. 

    Research by the Center for Healthy Minds shows that well-being is a learnable skill. There are multiple evidence-based perspectives offering practical ideas for cultivating happiness. 

    In particular, The Resilience Project by Hugh Van Cuylenburg focuses on gratitude, empathy, and mindfulness to support resilience and happiness. The Action for Happiness Project has a similar focus and lists mindfulness, gratitude, and kindness as core skills. In Hardwiring Happiness, Rick Hanson adds to this list and stresses the importance of inclining the mind, or being on the lookout, for happiness and then taking it in. 

    Raising Happy Children Starts by Building Well-Being Skills Together

    Here are three fun activities based on these frameworks to try with your child.

    Inclining The Mind And Taking It In Practice: Glimmer Wand

    Glimmers, coined by Deb Dana, are little moments of peace, safety, and happiness. 

    Cut out, decorate, and glue a star on top of a popsicle or other stick. You can write “catching glimmers” on the star. Share about glimmers and use the wand to “cast a spell” to notice and enjoy glimmers that day. You can also wave it overhead as people share their glimmers and how they make them feel. 

    The brain has a negativity bias. By pausing to seek out glimmers, we can train our brains to notice and savor delight more often.

    Gratitude Practice: Gratitude Sandwich

    Children can draw and cut out pictures of five things or people they are grateful for as their sandwich fillings. 

    • Cut two pieces of paper for the sandwich bread.
    • Glue one piece of the “bread“ to the top and one to the bottom of a poster. 
    • Paste the fillings between the bread (or Velcro so it’s interchangeable).
    • Write Gratitude Sandwich and “I am grateful for…” on the “bread.”
    • Leave the sandwich somewhere visible and use it as a conversation starter about gratitude. 

    Dr. Robert Emmons at UC Davis found that feeling gratitude can move our nervous system out of the stress response. Giving children a visual link to things that foster feelings of gratitude can help strengthen the body-brain connection and develop positive neural pathways.

    Cultivating happiness can be quite simple if we focus on it, even when things are hard. Pausing to notice and take in the good, feeling gratitude, and connecting with others with empathy and kindness in the tiny moments of our day can make a genuine difference. 

    Have the child think about five people who make them feel loved or happy.

    • String a bead for each person onto a pipe cleaner. 
    • Twist the ends together so the beads don’t fall off. These are links of love.
    • Have them touch one bead at a time and remember the special person. 
    • Take a breath in, taking in their love, and out, offering love back to them.
    • Encourage them to notice how they feel. The links of love can be attached to a backpack, worn around a wrist, or left in a visible location. 

    Especially when a child feels lonely or insecure, having a physical anchor can remind them that they are worthy and loved.

    Tuning Attention Towards Happiness

    Cultivating happiness can be quite simple if we focus on it, even when things are hard. Pausing to notice and take in the good, feeling gratitude, and connecting with others with empathy and kindness in the tiny moments of our day can make a genuine difference. 

    Fun, hands-on activities, like those above, can help both adults and children lean into happiness and create space for more joy in our lives.


    Would you like more support building habits of well-being and resilience in your child? Try our new card deck, available April 21. Let’s Grow Happiness includes 50 activity cards to help kids build gratitude, self-compassion, and emotional regulation skills.



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  • The Easiest Way to Deepen Your Yoga Practice? Teach It to a Child.

    The Easiest Way to Deepen Your Yoga Practice? Teach It to a Child.

    “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”
    Angela Schwindt

    Once I had a baby, I became one of those people with the best intentions for my yoga practice. Even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk to the yoga studio for those hour-long classes anymore, I figured I would work it out somehow, that I would find a way to keep my practice alive.

    Like almost every parent I know, I got a shock when the little one finally arrived.

    I tried attending baby yoga classes, but I spent the entire time feeding her. No time for my personal practice there. When she was sleeping, I was too exhausted to leave the couch, let alone give my practice the attention it deserved.

    For a while, I mourned the loss of those studio classes. I missed the guided sequences, the community, the dedicated space just for practice. Once we settled into a little routine, though, I stopped fighting my ache for the yoga studio I’d left behind.

    Discovering a New Way to Practice

    In a way, I stumbled upon this new way of practicing out of necessity. I started meditating with my daughter on my lap. These were short sessions, nothing fancy. Just breath and presence. 

    As she grew older, we began practicing yoga postures together. We would mimic the trees we saw on our walks or the animals we’d watched at the zoo. I would practice mindfulness while swinging her at the playground, bringing awareness to the present moment and practicing gratitude for these precious days.

    Somewhere in all of this, something shifted. My yoga practice became more consistent than it had ever been—not because I was getting to the studio or following hour-long sequences, but because I was already there with my daughter, breathing, moving, and being present together.

    Somewhere in all of this, something shifted. My yoga practice became more consistent than it had ever been—not because I was getting to the studio or following hour-long sequences, but because I was already there with my daughter, breathing, moving, and being present together.

    So, if you’re struggling to maintain your practice, I want to share something that might sound counterintuitive: Practicing and teaching yoga to the children in your life, whether they’re your own kids, nieces and nephews, students, or neighborhood children, might be the key to deepening your own practice.

    Easy Practices to Teach & Try

    Here’s how to turn everyday moments into opportunities for yoga, without adding a single thing to your schedule. I encourage you to try one or more of these, and then adjust them to meet your own needs.

    1. Morning Wake-Up Stretches in Bed

    Before your feet hit the floor, before the day begins, there’s a window for practice. Instead of jumping straight into the morning rush, take two minutes to stretch in bed with your child. Extend your arms overhead. Hug your knees to your chest. Twist gently side to side.

    Make it an invitation rather than an instruction: “Want to stretch with me?” Most kids will naturally join in, and you’re teaching them that movement and breath can be the first choice of the day.

    Make it an invitation rather than an instruction: “Want to stretch with me?” Most kids will naturally join in, especially if it means a few extra minutes of connection before the day demands their attention elsewhere.

    You’re teaching them that movement and breath can be the first choice of the day. You’re giving yourself those moments too. No mat, special outfit, or commute to the studio required.

    Want to make this morning ritual even more powerful? Add an element of gratitude. After a few gentle stretches, share one thing you’re grateful for or one positive thought about the day ahead. “I’m grateful for this cozy bed and this time with you.” 

    Keep it simple. Kids often mirror this practice back, starting their day with appreciation rather than rushing straight into demands and tasks.

    2. Mindful Moments While Waiting

    Waiting is everywhere in life with children. Bus stops. Doctors’ offices. School pick-up lines. Instead of filling these moments with phones or mental to-do lists, turn them into opportunities for presence.

    When my daughter and I wait for the bus together, we’ve started really noticing what’s around us. The snow falling in winter. The leaves changing color in fall. Rain pitter-pattering on the pavement. The birds chirping in the trees nearby.

    “What do you hear right now?” becomes our game. Or “What’s different today than yesterday?”

    This practice of tuning in to the present moment, of noticing what’s actually here rather than rushing ahead to what’s next, is mindfulness in its purest form. The children learn to see the world with fresh eyes, and so do you. 

    3. Deep Breathing Throughout the Day

    You can practice conscious breathing anywhere—before a transition at home, in the car before walking into an appointment, standing in line at the post office, sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, walking from the car to the grocery store entrance.

    Make it simple. Breathe in for four counts, out for four counts. That’s it. No fancy techniques needed. Just intentional breath shared together. The breathing practice I thought I was teaching my daughter? She was internalizing it, making it her own, and reflecting it back to me when I needed it most.

    The more you practice in small moments throughout the day, the more natural it becomes—for both of you.

    A few times when I’ve been in a mental tailspin about something, she’s put her hands on both my shoulders and said, “You’ve got this, Mom. Take a deep breath.”

    The more you practice in small moments throughout the day, the more natural it becomes—for both of you.

    4. The “Drop and Roll” Game

    This is one of my favorite practices for shifting energy quickly! Anytime you need to change the mood, shift your mindset, or get a new perspective, drop into a yoga pose.

    Kids getting restless in the grocery store? “Drop and roll into downward dog right here!” (Yes, right there by the cereal aisle.)

    Feeling stuck on a problem at home? “Let’s do tree pose and see if we can think differently while we balance.”

    Energy getting chaotic before dinner? “Everybody drop into child’s pose for ten breaths.”

    The beauty is that it works anywhere. In the park when emotions are running high. In your living room when everyone needs a reset. Even in the dentist office waiting room when nerves need settling. Any moment can become a practice moment.

    Movement shifts everything. It changes your physical state, which changes your mental state. The children learn this through play, and so do you. Sometimes the fastest way back to center is moving your body in a new way.

    Movement shifts everything. It changes your physical state, which changes your mental state. The children learn this through play, and so do you. Sometimes the fastest way back to center is moving your body in a new way.

    5. Bedtime Meditation 

    If you’ve ever tried to meditate while children are awake and active in your home, you know it’s nearly impossible. But bedtime? That’s your window.

    After stories and tucking in, try a simple body scan or visualization with them. “Close your eyes and imagine you’re a starfish floating in warm water. Feel your arms get heavy. Your legs get soft.”

    By guiding them through relaxation, something happens to your own nervous system. It settles. It softens. Your breath slows. Your shoulders drop. Your mind, which has been running all day, finally gets permission to rest. 

    This thing you’re already doing every night becomes your meditation practice.

    6. Travel Days and Hotel Room Yoga

    Travel with children often means confined spaces and restless energy. As it turns out, these are ideal conditions for yoga. A hotel room becomes a studio. The wait at the airport gate becomes an opportunity for seated twists and neck rolls. The backseat of the car during a rest stop becomes a place for shoulder shrugs and gentle stretches.

    When you reframe “practice” as something that can happen anywhere, you stop waiting for perfect conditions that rarely come.

    Hotel rooms have become unexpected practice spaces for us. We make it playful (animal poses are favorites), but my body still gets the stretch it needs. My breath still deepens. My mind still settles. When you reframe “practice” as something that can happen anywhere, you stop waiting for perfect conditions that rarely come.

    7. Yoga Through Acts of Service

    The mat is just one place yoga lives. It also lives in how we show up in the world and care for others. There are countless opportunities to weave service into your life with children. Volunteering at a food bank. Helping an elderly neighbor with yard work. Making cards for people in nursing homes. Participating in a community clean-up day.

    For ten years, my family has hosted a pajama drive in our town, collecting new pajamas and delivering them to children at a less fortunate city school. This practice of karma yoga—selfless service—has become one of the most meaningful parts of our yoga practice together.

    When children see you modeling a yoga lifestyle that extends beyond poses and breath to include compassion, generosity, and showing up for others, they learn that yoga is a way of being, not just a thing you “do.”

    When children see you modeling a yoga lifestyle that extends beyond poses and breath to include compassion, generosity, and showing up for others, they learn that yoga is a way of being, not just a thing you “do.”

    And you? You’re practicing too. Not on a mat, but in the world, where it matters most.

    The Practice That Was Always There

    What children really need from us isn’t perfection in our practice. They need our presence. And in teaching them simple practices for presence, whether through breath, movement, or mindfulness, you create your own practice without needing to be anywhere other than where you already are.

    My practice now looks different from the way it did before I became a parent. It’s changed and adapted through the years as my daughter has grown. But it’s stayed alive, built into our days together in ways I never could have imagined back when I thought “real” practice only happened in a studio. The practice is in the slow breaths we take together. In the gratitude we share during morning stretches. In our mindful moments waiting for the bus. In the service projects we take on as a family. In the body scans that help her settle into sleep.

    The practice was never supposed to be separate from life. It was always meant to be woven through it. And children, with their natural presence and their ability to find joy in the simplest moments, are some of our best teachers for remembering that.



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  • Are We Wired to Want Stuff?

    Are We Wired to Want Stuff?

    I’ll never forget a holiday moment a few years ago, when I found myself in a negotiation with my younger daughter over her gift list. In theory, I’ve never wanted my kids to make lists of things they want for Christmas and Hanukkah. But we did “go see Santa” when they were younger, and they did prepare to ask him for a gift, so I’ve never really put my money where my mouth is.

    Anyway, my daughter was in the back of the car rattling off all the things she wanted for Christmas, excitedly, as though it were a done deal and she would soon be receiving everything she ever hoped for.

    And I was anxiously trying to do damage control. I explained that Santa only brings one toy (“Nah-ah, Mom, he brought Ella THREE last year!”). Santa can’t bring live animals (she passionately wanted a live llama). And if your grandparents get you Uggs instead of Payless knock-offs, you won’t get any other presents from them (economic logic lost on a seven-year-old).

    I thought I was going to lose my mind. I’d been trying to create special holiday traditions that foster positive emotions like gratitude and altruism—traditions that would bring meaning, connection, and positive memories. And it all seemed to be falling on deaf ears. My children had wish-lists longer than they were tall. Even my parents were fighting me on going to church Christmas Eve, because they thought it would cut into the gift exchange.

    I know I’m not alone; nearly all of my coaching clients have expressed similar dismay. So if we don’t want our children to be whipped into a consumer frenzy, and we value other things, why does this happen, year after year?

    One answer, of course, is that on some level our society has come to believe that our economy depends on a gift giving extravaganza, and that the holidays wouldn’t be fun without all the gifts. I’ve been reflecting on this, and on the other forces at work this time of year. Here’s why I think we want, want, want so much stuff come the holidays.

    Why Holidays Are About “Wanting” Stuff

    1. We systematically confuse gratification, which is fleeting, with real joy or lasting happiness.

    It’s a complex concept for a seven-year-old (and sometimes, for a 37-year-old): We can feel gratified when we get something new—we might even get a hit of pleasure—but that gratification isn’t really the same thing as happiness.

    Think of how gratitude feels—or compassion, inspiration, or awe. Think of how you feel when you are madly in love with your new baby, or amorous towards your longtime spouse. Those are deep positive emotions—and to me, they’re the positive emotions that are at the foundation of a happy life.

    Gratification still feels good. It is central to our brain’s reward and motivation systems. But when we confuse it with actual happiness, we think that we can’t really be happy—or that our kids won’t be happy—without all the gifts and shopping.

    2. Our brains are hardwired to pursue rewards. Happiness is a reward. It’s not that we aren’t built to pursue happiness, because we are.

    But the key word here is pursue: Our brain’s built-in reward system motivates us toward all the carrots, large and small, that are dangling out there. We’ll pursue anything that seems like a reward, and our kids will, too.

    When our brain identifies a possible reward, it releases a powerful neurotransmitter called dopamine. That dopamine rush propels us toward the reward. Dopamine creates a very real desire for the carrot dangled in front of us.

    It makes us more susceptible to other temptations as well, which is why when we decide that we want a cashmere sweater, that cookie over there suddenly looks pretty good, and so do those cute Pottery Barn dishes. High dopamine levels amplify the appeal of immediate gratification (which is why you suddenly can’t stop checking your email), and makes us less concerned about long-term consequences (like your credit card bill).

    Unfortunately, our brain doesn’t distinguish between rewards that actually will make us happier and the things that won’t. Dopamine just motivates us to chase them all. In that way, we are wired to want all kinds of things.

    3. All the carrots being dangled out there are dizzying.

    They don’t call it neuro-marketing for nothing—believe me, the advertisers know how to stimulate that dopamine rush in our children.

    And how does a kid pursue a reward in December? They put it on their wish-list, then endlessly nag us until we break down and concede that, yes, sometimes Santa does bring more than one gift. Or that every night of Hanukkah can bring a “little something.”

    So when our kids seem greedy or materialistic at this time of year, it doesn’t mean that we’ve failed to instill good values in them, or that they are spoiled and bratty. It means that they are human, and that they are under the siege of a marketing-induced dopamine rush.

    What’s the wisdom in the wanting?

    This is an important lesson for our kids to learn! Here’s how we can help: We can teach them to recognize what makes them want, want, want. We can teach them to realize when they are being manipulated by advertisers.

    This is hard, but I’ve seen that it’s possible: The other day, my older daughter was barely watching a distant TV in a Thai restaurant, and she said, “Wow, I know that commercial was meant to make me want those pants, and it WORKED. I really want those pants. I feel like I might be happier if I had THOSE PANTS.” She still wanted the pants, of course, but at least she was gaining some insight into her desire. She couldn’t prevent the dopamine rush, but she could respond to it.

    Finally, by creating meaningful traditions, we can teach our kids what truly will bring them lasting happiness during the holidays—like starting a gratitude tradition or helping others. Those are the things that they really will remember.


    This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, one of Mindful’s partners. To view the original article, click here. GGSC’s coverage of gratitude is sponsored by the John Templeton Foundation as part of the Expanding Gratitude project.



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  • Shifting Habits: Three Mindful Parenting Tips You Can Try Today

    Shifting Habits: Three Mindful Parenting Tips You Can Try Today

    Susan Kaiser Greenland offers three mindful parenting tips to help kids pause and reflect so they can identify and shift habits.

    We all have habits—some of them helpful or neutral, others that persistently create problems in our lives. It’s easier for kids to change habits than grown-ups. One way to start recognising your pattern of automatic behavior is to create external signals that will automatically show up throughout the day. These three mindful parenting tips can be interrupters that provide an opportunity to pause and reflect.

    1. Create mindfulness reminders

    I have seen kids tie a string around one finger, make mindfulness bracelets of ribbons or beads, or tape a colorful sticker to their cell phones. Whenever you see them, just pause to take in what’s happening in your mind and body.

    2. Implement breathing prompts

    Suggest to your children to practice breath awareness whenever they brush their teeth or put their socks on. Breathing prompts help kids recognise just how many things they do are on automatic pilot. By interrupting automatic behavior, kids have the time and mental space to make connections between what they’re doing, what they’re thinking, and how they’re feeling.

    3. Notice funny feelings

    Kids talk about having a funny feeling in the split second just before they do something that they later wish they hadn’t done, maybe a tightening in their chests, or a sinking feeling in their stomachs. That funny feeling occurs in the “about to” moment.

    By noticing their funny feelings, kids pause before they act to ask:

    • Why am I choosing to do this?
    • How does it make me feel?
    • Is my motivation friendly or unfriendly?

    If, upon reflection, the action doesn’t feel right, they can choose to act differently.

    Photo © flickr.com/Josh Kenzer



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  • All of That: Reflections on Motherhood and Letting Go

    All of That: Reflections on Motherhood and Letting Go

    My mother died suddenly in 2013 at just 67, when our older daughter was two and our younger daughter was an infant. Before that, my mom helped watch the girls while I worked. I’d drive to my parents’ nearby home and work upstairs in their cozy loft while they read, snuggled, and played with my girls. In retrospect, it was this beautiful stolen season: I got the support I desperately needed, that feeling of being a part of the village so long a part of our shared human history—and I also got to walk downstairs each day and eat lunch and have coffee breaks with my own dear momma. It was the experience of motherhood I had hoped for.

    After my mom died, everything unraveled for a while. I felt so alone. Motherhood was a vast dark ocean, and I was clinging to the sides of a rickety little dinghy.

    Other than a brief stint working on-site part-time for a contract position, I’ve always officed out of our home (I still do). In those early years of being a new mom, depending on the season of life, I worked between 10–40 hours per week, with varying degrees of success and sanity on a day-to-day basis.

    The romance of working from home wears thin when you realize that working and parenting are not really things that can happen simultaneously. This realization sinks in approximately 14 minutes into your first day of working from home while trying to care for one or more children.

    Between the feedings and the diapers and the naps and the fighting and the I’m huuuuunnngrys and the spilled everything everywhere and the Can you fix this? and the scraped elbows and the When are you gonna be done, Mom? — any amount of real productivity felt purely accidental, or was the result of desperately putting on Scooby-Do episodes at 11 in the morning and locking myself in my room.

    Many days, I said no to doing things with my girls because I had a deadline to meet. Or I said yes to them, because I felt guilty, or because I genuinely just wanted to be with them — and then was left frantically working until 2am, long after they’d gone to bed, to get in a workday that had started at 9pm.

    I often felt like both a sub-par parent and a sub-par employee. Some days, I was. I cried in frustration, and beg-yelled to please be left alone so I could just string together a few connected thoughts. I slept through early morning Zoom meetings, forgot to get cupcakes for my kid’s birthday at school, mixed up due dates, was late for every damn thing, and zombied my way through assignments and tea parties alike. That’s the reality.

    There were wonderful days, too, moments of grace and revelation and transcendent connection. Some moments I loved in an otherworldly way, like my whole body was made of warm light. Other days felt like I was falling from an airplane with no parachute. My children are the most effective teachers I’ve ever had in my life. And when I say effective, I mean like in the way that doing 100 squats a day will give you an amazing butt: the triumph comes with some brutality. Like most personal growth, it has mostly all occurred in the trenches.

    Saying the real things out loud

    I resented being a stay-at-home mom sometimes. I know this is a generally frowned-upon thing to say. It’s almost always followed up solicitously by some version of, But kids are amazing, for sure. So amazing. Best thing that ever happened to me. There is this expectation that we temper our messy feelings with a sweeping declaration that negates what doesn’t feel or sound good.

    I don’t think I need to balance out my real human experience with less-messy narratives. So I will let the first statement just be its own reality: I resented being a stay-at-home mom sometimes. At times, I was swallowed by the fear that I was losing the very essence of myself. My creativity, time to write, time to take care of my whole self, my hunger for solitude and silence, my friendships—all of it was getting subsumed under this identity of Mom that so often felt like a too-big coat draped around me.

    There’s a robust body of mindfulness research (I know, I know) that says our greatest joy is found in living fully in the moment. And yes, that’s real. This is also real: it was so hard to be with it all sometimes.

    Yes, there are women who genuinely love full-time motherhood. They make of it an art, feel themselves called and enlivened and energized by this job. They are amazing to watch, and I honor and salute them. I love to see people living enthusiastically into their purpose.

    Me, I have often felt like the guy in those 90s commercials wearing the white coat. You know the one: I’m not a doctor in real life, but I play one on TV.

    Meaning, some days I was really feeling the role, absorbed in the storyline. I was so connected with the character of Mom that I was Mom, like on the inside, too. A lot of other days, I was reciting lines and looking frantically around for stage direction and waiting for some benevolent off-camera Director to call, Cut! And…that’s a wrap, people. Good work today. Why don’t y’all head on home and get some rest?

    Some days I felt out of control, desperate, and deliriously exhausted. I’d watch some mornings, nonsensically enraged, as my husband biked off, unencumbered. He only had one job to do for eight whole uninterrupted hours, surrounded by things like other grown-ups, recognition, annual bonuses, and health care.

    Blissfully-retired people would come up to me, probably just returned from a 10-day Scandinavian river cruise, and coo and congratulate. There I’d be, with my brand-new baby, my teething toddler, my hair unwashed and my clothes wrinkled and smattered with dried spit-up, my body aching—and they’d tell me to “just enjoy every minute.” I knew they meant well, and I get the amnesiac power of nostalgia. But also, part of me was just like, Geez lady, read the room.

    I don’t know what kind of mom that makes me, other than not alone.

    I don’t think it’s necessary for me (or any mom, any woman) to regard these moments of exasperation, unfulfillment, or longing as wasted time. These aren’t feelings I shouldn’t have had, or something to be ashamed of. They just…are.

    I don’t think it’s necessary for me (or any mom, any woman) to regard these moments of exasperation, unfulfillment, or longing as wasted time. These aren’t feelings I shouldn’t have had, or something to be ashamed of. They just…are. They’re as natural and human as my moments of contentment and elation. They have seasons and things to teach. Under this huge umbrella experience called Motherhood, they all belong. I know that wrestling with this complicated identity has never meant that I love my kids any less.

    Even today, when I see new moms at church or in our neighborhood, I always ask how they’re really doing. I always say, “Parenting is a beautiful gift, and it’s also okay to not love every single minute.” Sometimes they laugh knowingly, and sometimes they start to cry. When we’re struggling in silence, even when that struggle is the most normal, near-universal thing in the world, we can feel so defective for not feeling how we think we should be feeling.

    Saying the real things out loud can be a form of tender medicine, I’ve found.

    Saying the real things out loud can be a form of tender medicine, I’ve found.

    Crossing a threshold into a new form of motherhood

    In 2018, for the first time in eight years, I found myself facing the prospect of whole days to myself again. I know there are women who have done it for longer, and bless ’em — but eight years is still a long time. In Introvert Years, it’s like 100. I couldn’t believe that much time had passed. I had a second grader and a kindergartener. The river-cruising retirees where definitely right about one thing: it all went by like I was holding a scoop of water in my hands.

    Before I had kids, I spent hours a day alone. I quite liked it. It was jarring to have that open space suddenly shrink down, to have every spare minute and square inch of my body taken up, occupied, demanded. It was equally as jarring then, nearly a decade later, to have that space reappear. Only now I was a totally different human being. The whole world was different, and I had to figure out how to be in silence again.

    The night before our youngest daughter Stella’s first day of kindergarten, we snuggled up in the dark before bed. (For the record, before-bedtime snuggles are probably my very favorite ritual.) We talked about her first day of kindergarten, and how we were feeling about it. She had been buzzing all day long, spontaneously jumping up and down with excitement as she’d talk about finally going to school. We talked about the last five and a half years together.

    I got to tell her I was so grateful for our time together, because I was. And I got to tell her I was happy for her to go to school, because I was.

    I got to tell her I was so grateful for our time together, because I was. And I got to tell her I was happy for her to go to school, because I was.

    I asked her how she was feeling. She said, “I’m feeling nervi-cited, Mom.” My girls invented this word to describe that mix of emotions that comes with treading unknown but anticipated waters: nervous + excited.

    The next day, as we dropped her off, I watched her bouncy energy suddenly drop as she entered the chaotic classroom. Our girls attend an immersion school, and the teachers spoke to her in Chinese, which of course she didn’t understand yet. She didn’t know anyone. Everything was big and new and unfamiliar. She looked shell-shocked, like she might start crying — not out of sadness, but just out of not knowing what the hell was going on.

    She looked like I had felt so many times in my life, so many times in the previous eight years. My chest welled up with that tidal wash of empathy.

    I knelt down by those tiny tables and chairs. “How are you feeling, kiddo? What’s going on in your heart right now?”

    She looked down at the table, staring hard. “I’m feeling nervi-cited. And a little shy.” I assured her this was normal on such a big day. She nodded.

    She was so quiet, so unlike her usual bombastic self. “Mom?” she said, still looking down, willing herself to be brave. “There’s something else. With the nervi-cited and the shy. It’s miss. I’m going to miss you. Nervi-cited-shy-miss. All of that.”

    Yes. All of that.



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  • Calming Hands: A Mindfulness Practice for Kids to Ease Difficult Emotions

    Calming Hands: A Mindfulness Practice for Kids to Ease Difficult Emotions

    Try this creative, calming mindfulness practice for kids and families, designed to help ease difficult emotions and manage stress.

    Key Points:

    • When children feel anxious or overwhelmed, mindful breathing and counting can help them feel safe and calm.
    • Engaging in mindful activities together as a family strengthens connections and boosts emotional resilience.
    • Try this Calming Hands activity to help your child soothe strong emotions through breathing, counting, and making handprint art.

    Mindfulness can be fun, simple, and hands-on—literally! The Calming Hands practice, created and shared by Rose Felix Cratsley at Ivy Child International, introduces young children to mindful breathing through art and counting. This activity is perfect for caregivers and educators who want to help kids cultivate calm and focus playfully.

    Exploring this practice helps us connect with our bodies, our breath, and the calming energy of our hands. When we feel anxious, stressed, upset or overwhelmed, our hands can be a tool for bringing peace and relaxation. This practice can help you feel safe and calm, no matter what you’re going through.

    Scroll down to follow along with the guided audio of this practice!

    How to Adapt for Kids with Sensory Needs

    Children are encouraged to explore different textures such as soft fabric, smooth stones etc. while practicing the calming hands technique, allowing them to engage with their senses.

    Parental Hack

    This practice is most effective when caregivers model by practicing alongside children, reinforcing the idea that mindfulness is a family activity and ritual. This can help both kids and parents bond while building emotional resilience and their psychological immune system, together.

    Highlights and Benefits:

    • Introduction: Guides children to notice the sensations in their hands and introduces the concept of hands as calming tools.
    • Breathing Practice: Uses finger-by-finger breathing, teaching kids to inhale and exhale deeply while counting from 1 to 10.
    • Reflection: Encourages kids to observe how their hands and bodies feel after the practice, reinforcing self-awareness and relaxation.

    Calm and Creative: Make Art With Your Handprint

    The Calming Hands practice is best paired with an engaging art activity where kids trace or do handprints, decorate, and personalize their calming hands. By integrating creativity with this simple and engaging mindfulness practice, this activity becomes a lasting tool for emotional regulation and relaxation.

    What You’ll Need:

    • Paper (large enough for a handprint)
    • Non-toxic markers, crayons, or paint

    How to Practice Calming Hands:

    1. Make the Handprint: Invite your child to trace their hand onto the paper or create a painted handprint. Let them have fun choosing colors or decorating their hand outline—it’s part of the creative mindfulness process!
    2. Number the Fingers: Together, write numbers from 1 to 10 on the fingers, starting at the thumb and moving outward.
    3. Begin Mindful Breathing:
      • Encourage the child to place their real hand on top of their handprint.
      • Start at the thumb (1) and breathe in deeply, then exhale as you count out loud.
      • Move to the next finger (2), breathing in and out again.
      • Continue until all 10 fingers are complete.
    4. Repeat if Needed: If the child enjoys the exercise, they can trace back through the numbers or start again.

    Children and families can turn this mindfulness practice into a creative keepsake by tracing their hands, numbering their fingers, and decorating the artwork. This hands-on activity teaches kids to ease difficult emotions by providing a visual and tactile reminder of the breathing practice, making it easy for them to return to in stressful moments. Calming hands can be mounted on the fridge, bedroom door or even in the car as a tool to remind us all to count and breathe.

    Audio Practice: Use Your Hands to Explore Mindful Breathing

    By Rose Felix Cratsley

    Before starting the practice, find a blank piece of paper and something to draw with, like a marker or pencil.

    1. Step 1: Get Comfortable. Find a comfortable seat, either on the floor or in a chair, and sit tall like a strong tree. You can rest your hands gently on your lap, or place them in front of you. Let your shoulders relax, and your body feel soft. You are in a safe place.
    2. Step 2: Notice Your Hands. Take a moment to notice your hands. How do they feel? Are they warm or cool? Do they feel heavy or light? If you’re feeling nervous or anxious, that’s okay—just notice what’s happening in your hands without judgment. If you feel tense, give your hands a little shake and let the tension fall away.
    3. Step 3: Trace Your Hands. Now, we’re going to trace our hands to create a picture of calm. Place your hand on a piece of paper and trace around it with a pencil or marker. While you trace, feel your fingers, the palm of your hand, and the space between your fingers. Let each stroke of the marker be a reminder that you are safe and in control.

      As you trace your hands, know that you’re building something special. Your hands are your own calming tool, always available when you need to relax and feel grounded.

    4. Step 4: Breathe with Your Hands. Now that your hands are traced, we’re going to use them to help us breathe deeply. Each finger will guide us through one breath. We will count from 1 to 10, one number for each finger. With each number, we’ll take a slow, deep breath in and out.

      Start with your pinky and breathe in as you count “1.” Feel your chest and belly rise. Now, breathe out as you count “2.” Let the air flow out slowly and feel your body soften. Keep breathing slowly, one number for each finger. As you breathe in, feel your hands fill with calm. As you breathe out, feel your hands and body relax even more.

    5. Step 5: Focus on the Sensation. As you go through each number, pay close attention to how your hands feel. Do they feel warm, soft, or tingly? Notice any changes as you breathe. Imagine your breath flowing through your hands, bringing calmness to every part of your body.

      As your mind wanders, simply bring your attention back to your hands and your breath. Take your time, enjoying each breath as an opportunity to slow down and find peace.

    6. Step 6: Feel Grounded and Safe. Take a moment to reflect on how your body feels now. Does your body feel more relaxed? Do your hands feel more calm and steady? Remember, this practice helps us feel grounded—like our feet are firmly planted in the earth, and we are in control of our breath and emotions. Your hands can always be a source of calm. If you ever feel anxious or upset, you can come back to this practice, take a deep breath, and find peace through your hands.
    7. When you feel ready, come back to your day.  Take one more deep breath in, and gently breathe out. Slowly bring your awareness back to the space around you. You are calm, centered, and ready to face whatever comes next. You can always return to your calming hands whenever you need them.



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