Health Journal Online

Category: Mental Health

4 Quick Ways to Nurture & Show Love, Anytime

Here are some easy ways to show love with simple mindful actions that foster genuine connection and appreciation.

You might love the month of love, or you might not be into the whole Valentine’s Day thing. With $18 billion spent every February on flowers, chocolates, gifts, and restaurants in the United States every year, it’s safe to say that we have certain cultural ideas about how to show love.

So why not use the occasion to really celebrate love?

Here are a few ways to show love during this heart-stamped month, or any time of year—and none of them cost a penny.

Listen—really listen. That means giving them your openminded, genuinely interested attention, according to mindful communication experts Hope Martin and David Rome. Take the time to fully absorb what they’re saying. Body language, word choice, tone of voice—you’ll be amazed at what you may have been missing.

Offer your full presence when you’re together. Don’t look at your phone. Show love by showing up fully, without distractions. Resist the usual complaining about work. Slipping onto autopilot—a you-do-this/ I-do-that dynamic—is no fun and can erode any relationship, says Marsha Lucas, a neuropsychologist and the author of Rewire Your Brain for Love.

Value the little things someone does for you—and do some in return. Relationship coach Josh Wise suggests that couples take gratitude a step further: discuss the kindnesses you receive and how that makes you feel. In this way, you get to multiply the effect of thoughtful actions—first by experiencing it, then by sharing it, and then again by noticing how your recognition lifts the other person up.

Empathy. It’s a necessary ingredient for healthier relationships of all kinds. According to psychologist Ronald Siegel in The Mindfulness Solution, “When we can actually be with someone and empathize with his or her experience, even when it’s painful, the relationship deepens.”

This article also appeared in the February 2014 issue of Mindful magazine.

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February 7, 2026
Connect With Loving-Kindness: Simple Meditation- Mindful

This classic loving-kindness meditation can help you to awaken to how connected we all are. You don’t have to like everybody, or agree with everything they do—but you can open up to the possibility of caring for them, because our lives are inextricably linked.

This classic loving-kindness meditation can help you to awaken to how connected we all are. You don’t have to like everybody, or agree with everything they do—but you can open up to the possibility of caring for them, because our lives are inextricably linked.

A Meditation to Connect With Loving-Kindness (Even When It’s Hard)

Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

1. Begin by thinking about someone who has helped you; maybe they’ve been directly generous or kind, or have inspired you though you’ve never met them. When you think of them, they make you smile. Bring an image of the person to mind, or feel their presence as if they’re right in front of you. Say their name to yourself, and silently offer these phrases to them, focusing on one phrase at a time.

May you live in safety.

May you have mental happiness (peace, joy).

May you have physical happiness (health, freedom from pain).

May you live with ease.

Don’t struggle to fabricate a feeling or sentiment. If your mind wanders, simply begin again.

2. After a few minutes, move on to a friend. Start with a friend who’s doing well right now, then switch to someone who is experiencing difficulty, loss, pain, or unhappiness.

3. Offer loving-kindness to a neutral person who you don’t feel a strong liking or disliking for: a cashier at the supermarket, a bank teller, a dry cleaner. When you offer loving-kindness to a neutral person, you are offering it to them simply because they exist—you are not indebted to or challenged by them.

4. Offer loving-kindness toward a person with whom you have difficulty. Start with someone mildly difficult, and slowly work toward someone who has hurt you more grievously. It’s common to feel resentment and anger, and it’s important not to judge yourself for that. Rather, recognize that anger burns within your heart and causes suffering, so out of the greatest respect and compassion for yourself, practice letting go and offering loving-kindness.

5. Finish by offering loving-kindness to anyone who comes to mind: people, animals, those you like, those you don’t, in an adventurous expansion of your own power of kindness.

Loving-kindness offers us a profound sense of connection, guiding us to live our lives with greater intention and compassion. In this online course from Mindful, Sharon Salzberg—one of the world’s leading loving-kindness meditation teachers—offers us her distinctive approach to loving-kindness practice. Learn more and sign up today!

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February 5, 2026
A Meditation to Skillfully Connect With Your Anger
I’m delighted to offer you a series of meditations on building emotional resilience. Over the next four classes we’ll explore how to mindfully practice with four really common emotions: anger, anxiety, longing, and joy. I’ll offer some practices you can use both while you meditate and also in your life, when these emotions arise. Here, we’re looking at how to connect with your anger in a way that offers insight and choices, rather than just reactivity and overwhelm.

What’s An Emotion?

Let’s first explore what an emotion is. This is a rich topic that has even inspired some heated debate. If you find you’re interested beyond the scope of what we talk here, I encourage you to explore the work of two psychologists: Paul Ekman, and Lisa Feldman Barrett, who wrote a recent book called How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. The work of these two author/scientists provides a good overview of the two differing viewpoints of the current discussion around human emotion. In the meantime, I’ll be sharing what I know with you here.

I don’t know about you, but I experience emotions as a combination of thoughts in my mind, plus physical or energetic sensations in my body, and the interaction between those two. When we’re meditating, we can see, via our moment-to-moment experience, that emotions are indeed made up of both mental content—such as visual and auditory thoughts—and physical sensations. And when we talk about physical sensations, let’s include all kinds: so, sensations we receive through our sense doors (seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and touch), but also all of the physical sensations within our bodies.

I don’t know about you, but I experience emotions as a combination of thoughts in my mind, plus physical or energetic sensations in my body, and the interaction between those two.

There’s a great deal of nuance when it comes to our emotions and our understanding of them, but physical sensations in our bodies tend to get divided into two categories: physiological (ie: digestion, breathing, temperature, the feeling of our body and the weight of gravity); and what I refer to as emotional sensations or the felt sense in our body. A couple of examples: when we talk about having butterflies in our stomach when we’re nervous or excited; or the feeling of listening to a heart-warming story, which can actually produce a physical feeling of warmth in our chest. (Try to notice that the next time it happens).

Essentially, emotions are energy moving in our body. And that energy calls us to certain kinds of actions. Our emotions also help us connect with other people, and they provide us insight into our lives and a better understanding of what we value, what we want in the world.

Emotions In the Body vs. In the Mind

In my daily life, and in my meditation practice, I find it’s more helpful to attend to the physical sensations related to emotions rather than the thinking around those emotions. I say that because thoughts happen so quickly. It’s also so easy for us to get caught up and swept away in a story—to forget that thinking is happening and just be caught up inside of it. Physical sensations, on the other hand, are less subtle. That makes bringing our attention to them and holding them in our attention a lot easier. Physical sensations don’t move as quickly as thoughts, so we can notice them and notice how they shift and change. An added bonus: simply noticing the sensations in our body can provide us with a kind of grounding, an anchor. It’s a great starting point in both daily life and when we meditate, and we’ll explore that together here.

As we get to know our emotions, I really encourage developing an attitude of acceptance, respect and care for them—think of it as an honouring of our emotional world. Our emotions can offer so much rich information about our lives, about what we value, what we want; they also play a vital role in our relationships, providing the foundation of our connection in communication with others. In fact, some social scientists posit that the main role of emotions in our lives is really about social interaction and connection. It’s worth repeating: emotions deserve and are worthy of our attention, respect and care.

So together we’re going to practice skilfully connecting with and being curious about our emotions. And here’s our aim: not to act out with regards to the emotions we feel, but also not to suppress them. We’re going to practice just connecting with the emotion, holding it, being curious about it, with no expectation or drive to have to act it out, and not having to suppress or deny or ignore it either.

I really want to emphasize, too, that finding this middle way doesn’t mean we’re aiming to be indifferent or passive about our emotions. It just means that we’re going to take the time to actually be with the emotion long enough to figure out what the skillful response is—rather than get caught up in reacting to the surging energy of that emotion we’re feeling. Oftentimes we will still want to take action based on an emotion. In fact, that’s what they’re telling us: something has arisen that we need to act on. But what we’ll do in this practice is try to nudge ourselves into territory where we can act out of connection and care rather than a buzzing desire to get rid of the feeling we’re feeling—because that’s not acting, it’s reacting.

How to Connect With Your Anger Mindfully

In this first class together we’ll explore anger. We’ll think about a recent situation where we may have been angry, or for the lucky ones joining this meditation, maybe you’re feeling a little anger right now? (Talk about excellent timing!)

Before we get started, let’s talk a little bit about anger. Like every emotion, anger is totally natural and actually an extremely life-affirming emotion. Anger’s fundamental role is to protect us and protect what we care about in the world. It lets us know when a limit of ours, or a boundary, has been crossed. It lets us know when our needs are not being met or when someone we care about is in danger. So anger both lets us know something about what’s happening around us, and it energizes us to act. It rouses us to the necessary energy level to be able to respond to a threat. It’s essentially about protecting life.

At the same time, we know that when anger is misdirected or when we act on it compulsively, it can be a truly destructive force—for our own physical health, our relationships, and in some instances, in the wider world. So we want to learn how to respect, honour, care for and be with our anger—and gain some insight into the most skilful response in any given situation, rather than go with the reactive response that could cause more harm.

The first step, then, is to recognize and respect anger. This is what’s happening, and it’s part of the human experience. And we respect it by understanding that our anger is trying to take care of us in some way, even if it’s maladaptive for the situation. We’re aiming to learn how to be with the anger, see what’s really there, and then see how we want to respond. So let’s try this together.

Meditating on the Power of Anger

Watch the video:

Listen to the practice:

Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
1. When you’re ready, come into a comfortable seated position. If it feels comfortable to close your eyes, please do so. Let’s take a few deeper breaths. Just allow yourself to feel the points of contact with the cushion or chair beneath you; feel your feet on the ground. Feel a sense of grounding here. Take a few longer inhales and exhales just to settle.
2. Now let’s bring to mind a recent situation when we felt angry. As with any practice around difficult emotions, for anger, let’s think about the angriest we’ve ever been as a level 10. What we’re seeking for the purposes of this exercise, then, is a situation that’s a three, or maybe a four. Consider something you experienced at the level of irritation or annoyance; don’t choose the last time you felt, say, enraged. When was the last time you felt irritated, annoyed or frustrated, perhaps about something someone did or said? Just bring to mind that situation.
3. Draw an image of this past situation into your mind. Recall the words that were spoken. Remember your own thought process related to the experience. At this point, you may be feeling some sensations in your body. Let’s go deeper. Can you recall the story you told (or tell) yourself around this experience? For example: What this person did or shouldn’t have done? How you were wronged? How it should have been different. Whatever it is, let that story run its course for you right now. Let it run until you begin to feel a sense of irritation or annoyance in your body.
4. Once you feel the irritation, we’re going to cut off the thoughts we’re having. Just cut off the storyline. This is vitally important with almost every difficult emotion. Step one: firmly direct your attention away from the story you’re telling. Next: bring your attention to your body. Really feel what’s going on inside your body. Where do you feel the anger in your body? Maybe in your chest? Your hands? Just notice that.
5. Now, what else is happening in your body? Find something that feels neutral, spacious or maybe even pleasant in your body. Maybe you feel this in your feet, or your contact with the chair. Maybe you’re focused on your hands touching. We’re simply creating some space around the anger. Notice the tip of your nose; notice your breath. If you can’t find any sensations in your body that feel safe or free from anger, take a moment to listen to the sounds around you. You can even broaden your awareness to include the whole room; and even further to include sounds that are far away. Rest your attention with these sensations for a few minutes. Allow yourself to find some ease and a bit of calm.
6. If you find your mind wanders back to the story, the thoughts about what’s making you angry, gently but firmly redirect your attention to the neutral sounds and neutral sensations you’ve identified. Just take a few breaths here.
7. Once we feel a little calmer, we can explore the anger more directly again. Let’s come back to where we feel anger in our body. Explore that: Do you feel tightness in your throat? Are there any sensations in your shoulders? How about your arms? Do you detect any sensations in your belly? If you find a place, really explore the sensation: Is there a temperature to this felt sense of anger, is it hot or cold? Is it throbbing? What are the edges like? Is it shifting and changing? As you stay with the felt sense of irritation, frustration, anger, and the directly felt sensations of hot, cold, vibrating, sharp—hold all of this with a lot of care and curiosity.
8. Now let’s notice what other emotions might be present. Is there anything else inside or beneath the anger? Can you detect any other emotions there? Fear? Sadness? Wanting? Just notice. Is there anything the anger might be masking? Be curious. Allow this to be very somatic. We’re not thinking about it, we’re not trying to understand it cognitively, we’re just letting the emotion reveal itself in a very direct, body-based way.
9. Notice if any other information arises from this anger. You could even drop in a question, such as: What does this anger need? What does it want me to know? Again, we’re just dropping the question into the felt sense in our bodies, and then seeing what arises. Are there flashes, images, words that could help you understand what’s needed? Do you get a sense of what action you may need to take? Let’s take another few moments of holding and being with the felt sensation of the irritation. Be curious about what your anger wants you to know, perhaps about what is needed.
10. As we bring this practice to a close, see if you have any insights into what you could do skilfully to respond to this irritation or anger. What would truly take care of this anger or frustration? Exploring our emotion in this way, we’re better prepared to respond in a rooted and grounded way; we’re better equipped to address what’s needed. As we finish, then, we can make a commitment to take whatever skillful action is needed. It might be something personal, such as some kind of self-care: maybe a walk, a nap, a meal. Or we might commit to having a direct and difficult conversation with someone, perhaps to ask for what you need or to set a limit. Just see if you can commit to taking one skillful action to address this situation.
11. When you’re ready, open your eyes if they’ve been closed and take a deep breath. Look around the room and orient yourself to your space, wherever you are.
Try to practice these skills in your daily life. If at any point you encounter in yourself feelings of anger or frustration, first: notice how you’re feeling: “Oh, anger,” or “I’m irritated.” Next, find some ground: feel your feet on the ground, feel the back of your body. And then notice what is not feeling angry in that moment, too. Get some space around the anger, and really open your awareness wide to the sounds and the space around you.

I can’t recommend this enough. And it can take as little as five seconds simply to connect with your feet on the ground and broaden your awareness. Then, when you feel some space and calmness around the anger, you can direct your attention back to the difficult emotion and ask that question: What is needed? What is needed right now? And then proceed from that place.
Calm Your Mind with Zindel Segal

Zindel Segal explores the 3-Minute Breathing Space practice to develop your ability to ground yourself, return your attention to the present, and fully find yourself at any moment. Read More

Zindel Segal

April 11, 2019
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February 3, 2026
The Best Leaders Think: What About Me, What About You?

Many fail in leadership positions, despite outstanding individual performance. Daniel Goleman explains that they often miss two important mental stances, which the best leaders understand as critical to the job.

A candidate for CEO told me he felt ready to take over an organization—his first post at the top—after he had gone through a leadership workshop. At the end, the trainer told him that he was an outstanding leader…potentially. It left the candidate wondering: What qualities do the best leaders have? And are they what we assume they are?

Of course he had never led a company before, and so had no track record. But he exuded self-confidence. Was that enough?

That CEO candidate came to mind recently when I heard a new rap song that has two refrains:

What about me?

What will make me happy? What do I want to do? Where am I going?

These are, of course, the kinds of thoughts that guide us through our days. Research at Harvard finds that we spend an average of half our time lost in thoughts about ourselves, how our relationships are going, and the like—and that this escalates to around 90 percent while we commute, at work, and while we are looking at a video screen (as you are probably doing right now).

What’s Happening In the Brain & Why That Matters

The brain circuitry for these me-thoughts lies in the mid-section of the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive center, just behind the forehead. Sometimes called the “mind-wandering circuit,” this area seems to spring into action as the brain’s default mode. While we are actively focusing on something—say a project at work—this default mode stays quiet. But the minute we lose our focus, it turns on, steering our thoughts away from work and back to our me-concerns.

That’s why staying focused takes active effort. The good news: it can be enhanced with systematic training. And in today’s hyper-distracted life, the ability to get focused at will and stay that way has greater and greater value.

The brain capacity to focus uses prefrontal circuits that also help us manage our feelings and stir positive attitudes and goals—and have the grit to achieve them.

That “about you” requires using different circuitry in the brain. Those promoted to leadership at any level, from team to CEO, need to be adept in social awareness and relationship management—all functions of the brain’s social circuitry.

These two mental stances—about me, about you—each represent the activity of very different parts of our brain’s wiring, and full emotional intelligence requires we use both. The first two parts of emotional intelligence—self-awareness and self-management—are “about me.” A high-performing leader first must lead herself.

But then there are the needs of everyone else, and of the whole organization. That “about you” requires using different circuitry in the brain. Those promoted to leadership at any level, from team to CEO, need to be adept in social awareness and relationship management—all functions of the brain’s social circuitry.

That’s what the second refrain from that rap song—What about you?—refers to. In other words, I’m tuning into what you feel, think, and need. That’s what leadership requires—and what I failed to hear from this would-be CEO. He said nothing of his vision for the organization, his ideas for fresh strategies, nor how it was doing in its competitive ecosystem and how he might help it do better. There was no “about you” in his thinking.

Our “about you” circuits are to be found in the social brain. They come in distinct flavors: one circuit guides our understanding of the other person’s thoughts; other circuits tune into their feelings. And still another set of circuits determine whether we want to help that person.

And those who fail in a leadership position, despite having been outstanding as individual performers, very often have a deficit here. Highly effective leaders have all three going.

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February 1, 2026
Finding Peace in Challenging Times with Sharon Salzberg

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Our free newsletter delivers updates on the science of mindfulness, guided mindfulness meditation practices from leading teachers, special offers, and rich content to support your mindful growth.

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January 30, 2026
Connecting With Why You Meditate Can Fuel Your Motivation

If meditation is feeling just one more thing on your to-do list, try this intention practice to connect with why you meditate.

Sometimes, we can start out a mindfulness practice with lots of energy, but after a while, that commitment fizzles. The key in meditation is to take time to get in touch with what you want, what you value most. Understanding why you meditate can feed your passion and motivation and help you to make a habit of your regular practice.

1. Feel the Body

Begin by feeling your body, connecting with both feet, your legs, your seat, hips, tailbone. Sensing your spine, straight and upright, relax the shoulders down and allow your awareness to travel down through both arms and to the palms of the hands and fingers. Bring the awareness into the belly, the chest, the throat, and then resting your awareness on your face, release any tension in your jaw, eyes, forehead. Sense the whole body as you sit here. And feel the breath moving through the entire volume of the body. And from this place of connection and presence, inquire into why you are meditating. What is your hope, vision, intention?

Tip: Don’t worry if your intention is fuzzy—you can choose to simply pay attention to whatever thoughts or sensations arise.

2. Listen Closely

Listen deeply. Thoughts will arise. Note them, and let them go. Listen deeper still. What feels most compelling, most true in your body? Try not to think about your intention, or to analyze or cognitively discern it. Instead, see if you can listen from a deeper place, a still abiding awareness that is always already there. Listen with your body, with your whole being.

3. Note the Intention

Perhaps, for now, there is no clear answer, and your intention is simply to be present, to stay open, to be curious, allowing whatever arises to be here. Or perhaps a clear felt sense of your intention arises. Either way, hold your intention clearly in your consciousness, regardless of whether it is strong and clearly formed or amorphous and tentative.

4. Let Your Intention Go

Silently repeat your intention, anchor it in your mind and body. And once you feel that it is clear and stable, let it go. And rest back into the body, into the awareness that is enveloping you. The intention simply guides, it is not a goal that we fixate on, but a direction we incline our heart and mind to follow.

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January 25, 2026
Looking Honestly at the Challenges of Mindfulness Practices
While the challenges of mindfulness practices are real, research confirms that mindfulness can also be helpful in preventing relapses into depression and reduce healthcare visits.
Willoughby Britton, a psychiatrist and mindfulness practitioner, has researched what he terms the “difficult or challenging mind states” among advanced meditators and scholars that can occur as a result of intense meditation practice.

The challenges of mindfulness are real. The truth is, meditation is not all calm and peace. Mental material can come up that can be uncomfortable or need to be addressed.

Britton spoke generally with Mindful about how mindfulness has been marketed in this country as a “warm bath,” when in actuality, you have to deal with whatever comes up in the mind.

“A lot of psychological material is going to come up and be processed. Old resentments, wounds, that kind of thing,” says Britton, “But also some traumatic material if people have a trauma history, it can come up and need additional support or even therapy.”

Halliwell asks: “Does something beneficial have to be delivered perfectly—and to bring about a perfect world—before we will accept it as worthwhile?”

Ed Halliwell, mindfulness teacher and author of The Mindful Manifesto, admits that meditation can be an emotional rollercoaster. “Mindfulness has a great many benefits,” Halliwell writes, but he takes issue with mindfulness being touted as a cure-all. At the same time, there’s an all-or-nothing mentality brewing around the adoption of mindfulness practices, and Halliwell asks: “Does something beneficial have to be delivered perfectly—and to bring about a perfect world—before we will accept it as worthwhile?”

Elisha Goldstein, clinical psychologist and mindfulness teacher, noted that it’s not a question of whether mindfulness is harmful or not. When we’re assessing the challenges of mindfulness practices, the better question is where you’re getting that mindfulness training from. “It comes down to an education on mindfulness (and a variety of factors that it represents) and finding an experienced teacher as a guide to meet the practitioner where they are at.”

Research is ongoing

Research on mindfulness and depression is still preliminary, but there are promising indicators.

Scientific American surveyed findings and some of the key controversies regarding the application of mindfulness for depression and anxiety, and concluded:

When it comes to treating diagnosed mental disorders, the evidence that mindfulness helps is mixed, with the strongest data pointing toward its ability to reduce clinical depression and prevent relapses.

In particular, new research has emerged indicating that an 8-week mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) program might reduce the risk of relapses into depression. Study authors identified that mindfulness helped in the following ways:
- MBCT allowed people to be more intentionally aware of the present moment, which gave them space to pause before reacting automatically to others.
- Bringing mindful awareness to uncomfortable experiences helped people to approach situations that they would previously avoid, which fostered self-confidence and assertiveness.
- Study participants also described having more energy, feeling less overwhelmed by negative emotion, and being in a better position to cope with and support others.
Another piece of research reported that frequent health service users who received MBCT therapy showed a significant reduction in non-mental health care visits over a one-year period.

“We speculate that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy has elements that could help people who are high health-care utilizers manage their distress without needing to go to a doctor,” says Dr. Paul Kurdyak, lead author and Director of Health Systems Research at Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) and Lead of the Mental Health and Addictions Research Program at the Institute for Clinical Evaluative Sciences (ICES).
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January 23, 2026
A Meditation For When the Suffering In the World Feels Heavy
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the pain, uncertainty, and suffering in the world right now, here is a practice to find courage, peace, acceptance, and connection.
Many of us are carrying the weight of the world’s suffering right now. How can we acknowledge the immense suffering in the world, including our own—and still tend to our hearts, minds, and bodies in a way that keeps us grounded and able to take compassionate action?

This week, mindfulness teacher and author Wendy O’Leary shares a guided practice that offers refuge and reminds us of our real and loving connection to one another.

There are three main parts of the practice. First, stabilizing or grounding. Second, settling back, softening, and soothing. And third, the one for me, one for you practice, which is based on the giving and receiving compassion practice from the Mindful Self-Compassion Program.

A Meditation For When the Suffering In the World Feels Heavy

Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
1. I invite you to get into a comfortable seated position. You can close your eyes or gently look down and soften your gaze. Whatever works best for you.
2. Begin by directing your attention into your body, allowing it to gently move in and drift down as it drops all the way down to your feeling the connection of your feet on the floor. If your feet aren’t on the floor, simply notice wherever the feet are connected. That experience of contact and pressure. Or you might feel the contact and pressure of the backs of your legs on the chair or cushion. Connecting with this felt experience of being grounded and rooted, supported and held here on earth. As you feel the somatic experience of those contact points, the feet or the seat. Rooted, grounded, steady and stable. Connected and supported by the earth.
3. From this place of steadiness and stability, bring to mind someone you know who’s having a hard time. It could be someone you know personally or more generally someone or a group of people you are aware of who are struggling at this time. On a scale of one to 10, choose an example of someone who is somewhere in the middle. So not the most difficult situation.
4. As you allow them to more fully enter your awareness, check in with your body. Often, when we’re focused on difficulty, ours or others’, there can be a habitual tendency to contract, to tighten, and to even lean forward. Check it out to see if this is true for you. Counteract this tendency. I invite you to gently lean back, physically or even energetically, just a little. Settle back.
5. Now, invite the body to soften and even widen, creating space to hold whatever is there. So we aren’t forcing anything here. It’s a very gentle invitation to settle back and soften. If it feels supportive for you, you can place your hand on your heart center as a way to care for and soothe the body, heart, and mind. Settle back, soften, soothe.
6. Now begin to gently direct your attention to rest with the breath, feeling the flow of the breath moving in and out of the body. Just this in-breath. And just this out breath. Connecting with this experience of the breath, moving through the body like a wave moves through the ocean. And bringing back to mind this person or group of people whom you know are suffering.
7. Check in with yourself to see what would best support you in being with their struggles. So that could be, for example, patience or calm, strength, acceptance. Whatever you feel would best support you. On the in-breath, offering that to yourself, and then gently releasing on the out-breath. If no word comes to mind, that’s totally fine. You can simply think to yourself, one for me on the inhale, and gently release on the exhale. One for me, and gently release.
8. If it feels right for you, you can now consider what it is that they most need. It may be the same thing you need, or it could be something different. And again, if a word doesn’t come to you, you could think, one for you.
9. Continue to take in for yourself what you need on the inhale, and offer them what they need on the exhale. Taking in one for me on the in-breath and one for you on the out-breath. One for me. And one for you.
10. As you feel ready, open your eyes or look up as we close this practice. As we practice this more formally, it becomes accessible to us in our daily life, more available for us to use these practices when we come in contact with suffering in our lives.
Thank you for practicing with me and may our practice benefit all beings.
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January 21, 2026
Rewire Your Food Cravings and Triggers
This is part of a four-part mini-workshop called Train Your Brain to Break Bad Habits. You can find links to all four sessions in this series here.

Last session we learned how to map the mechanics of our habit loops. This session, we’re using those skills to look specifically at any habits we’ve formed around food and eating.

As a recap: our brains learn through a process that has three components: trigger, behavior, reward. There’s a trigger (perhaps stress) that moves you to behave in a certain way (maybe leaving your desk at work and going out for a cigarette); and there’s a result or reward (having that cigarette gets the initial feelings of stress to drop a bit for a short period of time). According to the brain, that’s a successful pattern that deserves to be repeated.

Since last session, did you discover any habit loops in your life? If you didn’t get an opportunity to practice, you could pause right now to see if you can identify one or two habit loops in your own experience.

This session we’re examining habit loops with regards to food in particular. And eating is an extremely interesting example. That’s because the habit-loop structure of getting hungry, finding food, and testing and eating that food, is designed to do something else: to aid us in locating that food again.

Imagine being out in a wilderness: when hungry and looking for food in that sort of environment, our brains aim to record our successes because we need to eat to stay alive. We spot some bright berries (trigger); we bring that food to our mouths to test it—we eat a berry or two (behavior); and if we find that the berries don’t harm us, but instead provide us fuel in the form of calories and even taste good, we’ve set the groundwork for the habit loop that will propel us to eat those berries again whenever we find them (a reward that encourages us to not only look for that food again, but gather and store it or eat it whenever we do). Essentially, the stomach has sent a dopamine signal to the brain that says, “Remember what you ate and where you found it.”

But most of us do not live in a wilderness anymore—unless you count coffee shops on every corner, copious numbers of fast-food joints, restaurants, and grocery stores as a new kind of wilderness. Point being, our brains don’t necessarily need this reward-based learning system to help us remember where food is anymore. In fact, though, that system is still at play—only now it operates with other types of triggers and foods. For example, if we get into the habit of reaching for ice cream every time we get stressed out, our brain starts to learn to eat when we’re stressed. Because when we do, like the person who smokes, we feel some stress relief (albeit brief) while we’re digging into that container of vanilla bean gelato.

And triggers don’t always need to be bad to set up the potential for a habit loop to form. Maybe, like so many of us, you associate food with celebrations, whether it’s a birthday, Thanksgiving or another holiday: it’s easy to begin to associate fun social times with the array of food we get to enjoy.

Regardless, whether it’s celebratory, stress-based or even boredom or sadness that triggers us to eat, once our brains make a habit loop that includes eating food as a go-to behavior in response to a particular trigger, and when eating makes us feel a little bit better in the moment, our brains set the tracks: “That was good; I feel a bit better; let’s do it again.” And so we do.

So this is the focus of our practice: any types of habits we may have formed around eating. Let’s begin.

Rewire Your Food Cravings and Triggers

Watch the video:
1. Get settled into a comfortable position, whether sitting, standing or lying down.Just like we did last week, anchor your awareness in your body—in the breath and the body, in your direct experience in the moment What do these physical sensations feel like? Introduce some curiosity. And go ahead and think of this as anchoring: that aware connection will serve as the point that will keep your boat from floating off. If your attention drifts away, that anchor catches so that you can come back. This helps to orient us around our mind—because if our mind is drifting off this way or that, it’s very difficult to identify, observe and map out our habit loops. We need that steady awareness, too, to map the different types of rewards that we get from those habits. Let’s focus on what’s actually happening for us in the first part of the equation: trigger and behavior.
2. Bring to mind your favorite food. Resting in awareness in the breath and body, now simply bring to mind your favorite comfort food. You may imagine what it smells and tastes like. Take it further: what are the qualities of the sensations of that food on your tongue, in your mouth? Is it cool? Soft and delicate? Crunchy? Spend some time with these sensations.
3. Notice the type of reaction that your body has simply by bringing up the memory of this food. What are you experiencing in your body? Maybe you notice you now have a craving for that food, even if you’ve just eaten, even if you’re not hungry at all. If you do find yourself in the midst of a craving, what does that feel like in your body and mind? Are there physical sensations associated with it? Invite curiosity into this.
4. Try to notice any changes to the sensations associated with your craving. Is there a predominant sensation in your body right now? Are you finding tightness? Does that tightness change? Is there a sensation of heat? Does that heat move? Are you noticing any other sensations? And what happens as you bring your awareness fully to those sensations?
5. Come back to the breath. Gently bring your attention away from your craving, and simply bring your awareness back to your body or your breath.
Perhaps you noticed that simply bringing a memory of a food item to mind can arouse cravings. I’m hoping you noticed something else, too: that bringing awareness to the craving itself can change our relationship to it—we can be with that craving rather than be caught up in it. We can feel the trigger and pause before the behavior. If we are caught up in a craving it’s just like being on autopilot. But if we’re aware of that craving, we’re in the driver’s seat, in first gear.

Try to notice any types of food cravings you have. And when they strike, try to drop into your body, even if it’s just for a few moments. The goal here is to really explore what that craving feels like in your body and mind. Then bring your awareness to whether or not that craving changes from moment to moment to moment.

You might go ahead and eat the food you have in mind, and you might not. But simply start by exploring, getting comfortable and really familiar with what that craving feels like. Take a good, long, curious look at the beginning of that habit loop: from trigger to the urge to act to just before you act, and then whether you act or not. Notice that behavior and then the results of whatever that behavior is.
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January 17, 2026
Addiction, Trauma, and the Problem of Being Present
The Power of Then

I remember one day in rehab, after a particularly gruelling day of group therapy, the facilitator decided to end with a mindfulness meditation. Feeling exhausted and overstimulated, I welcomed the chance to close my eyes and shut out the world for a little while.

But as she guided our awareness through the body, I became painfully aware of what was happening inside mine—the tightness in my jaw and throat, my heart pounding, the knot of fear twisting in my stomach. My body didn’t feel like a safe place to be; it felt like a war zone.

When the meditation ended, she reminded us of how important it is in recovery “to live in the now.” And that left me with a burning question that I didn’t dare ask: What if my now feels unbearable?

When the meditation ended, she reminded us of how important it is in recovery “to live in the now.” And that left me with a burning question that I didn’t dare ask: What if my now feels unbearable?

For many people in recovery, being in the body can feel like stepping onto enemy territory. It’s where we hold the emotional pain, unresolved trauma, and survival responses we’ve spent years trying not to feel. Mindfulness invites us to tune in—to become aware of our bodies and minds, to sit with our emotions and thoughts.

To many people, this is a neutral concept. However, for the addict in recovery, it’s also being asked to return to the danger our addiction once protected us from.

I once heard someone say, “You can’t feel the power of now until you’ve healed the power of then.” That statement really stuck with me.

When the nervous system is carrying trauma—when we’re dysregulated, overwhelmed, or trapped in a state of fight/flight/freeze—mindfulness doesn’t always feel supportive. Sometimes it simply heightens our awareness of the pain and discomfort within, without giving us the resources to cope.

The Root of Addiction

Many experts in the trauma and addiction field believe trauma sits at the root of addiction. Gabor Mate, one of the most influential voices in this work, invites us to shift the question from, Why the addiction? to, Why the pain?

Many of us are working from an outdated idea of what trauma actually is. Trauma isn’t defined by the event. It’s defined by what happens inside of us as a result of the event, the imprint it leaves on our body and mind.

That reframing, turning the attention toward the suffering beneath the behavior, was one of the most powerful turning points in my recovery.

You might be reading this and thinking, “This doesn’t apply to me. I don’t have trauma.” Yet many of us are working from an outdated idea of what trauma actually is. Trauma isn’t defined by the event. It’s defined by what happens inside of us as a result of the event, the imprint it leaves on our body and mind.

Trauma expert Pat Ogden describes trauma as “any threatening, overwhelming experience that we cannot integrate.” When understood this way, it becomes more relatable. It’s not limited to catastrophic events; it also includes the undigested life experiences most of us carry in varying degrees—the moments that shape how safe we feel in the world, in our relationships, and in our own bodies.

If substances became a way to soothe, regulate, or find relief from the imprint of those experiences, that is the link between trauma and addiction. Addiction doesn’t manifest without reason. It’s your body and nervous system attempting to restore balance—to escape an unbearable now—when nothing else seems to work.

The Challenges Mindfulness Presents

Mindfulness isn’t inherently problematic for everyone living with trauma; for some, it’s deeply supportive. The difficulty for some people living with symptoms of trauma is that mindfulness can sometimes intensify those symptoms, and in some cases even cause re-traumatisation.

Mindfulness eventually became one of my greatest resources. But in the early days, before I was trauma informed, I often pushed through discomfort, believing that was part of the practice. I remember one meditation in particular where I forced myself to sit with an increasingly uncomfortable sensation in the pit of my stomach. I was convinced that if I just stayed with it long enough, I’d eventually reach some blissful state of transcendence. Instead, it sent me into an intense dissociative state which lasted for weeks—something I later learned is not uncommon for trauma survivors.

This is why it’s important to understand the potential challenges of mindfulness for some—so that if you do encounter problems, you know it’s not a sign of failure. It’s simply a signal from your nervous system that more safety is needed.

Here are some primary signals to pay attention to:

Focusing on the body or breath can be activating

Trauma lives in the body as physical sensations, constriction, tension, and survival responses. When we bring awareness to the breath, or to areas that hold this survival energy—the chest, throat, belly—these sensations can feel overwhelming.

Mindfulness can trigger traumatic memories or flashbacks

Turning inward creates space for memories, images, or emotions that were previously suppressed to rise to the surface. When they do, the body and mind may react as if the past is happening again. In other words, we start experiencing the power of then.

Stillness can feel threatening to a dysregulated nervous system.

For someone who is used to living in a state of fight, flight, or chronic hypervigilance, stillness can feel unfamiliar and unsafe. Even the feeling of calm can feel threatening when the body is used to scanning for danger.

Self-observation can activate shame or self-judgement

Turning attention inward can make self-critical thoughts louder, especially for someone whose trauma involved blame, guilt, or a loss of self-worth.

None of this means mindfulness should be avoided. Far from it. It simply means the practice may need to be approached differently: with more pacing, choice, and with safety at its core.

Practising Mindfulness Safely

Safety is the foundation of trauma recovery and one of the cornerstones of trauma-informed mindfulness. David Treleaven, founder of Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, emphasises that mindfulness for trauma survivors must be flexible, and adapted to suit an individual’s nervous system and needs. Instead of pushing through discomfort, this approach supports choice, regulation, and autonomy.

Here are some adjustments you can make to your mindfulness practice when you start to feel activated:
1. Start outward. For many people, beginning with external anchors feels more supportive than turning the attention inward. Noticing sounds, feeling your feet on the floor, or gently orienting to your surroundings can help settle the nervous system.
2. Switch it up. Once a sense of grounding is established, you can then gently approach your inner experience. It can help to move between inner and outer awareness, so that if anything becomes too intense, you can shift your focus back outward, adjust your posture or pause completely. Having a reliable anchor, something that feels supportive to return to, can be especially helpful.
3. Get mobile. Movement can also be a powerful bridge to presence. Walking, stretching, or gentle swaying may feel more accessible when stillness feels too threatening. You don’t have to sit motionless in a lotus position to be mindful.
4. Open your eyes. For some people, closing their eyes means they can’t scan for danger. As people are learning to find safety, practising with eyes open, or with a soft gaze, can also reduce the vulnerability that may come with closing the eyes.
5. Be gentle with a noisy mind. It’s also worth noting that the mind—even when busy or critical—can feel safer than the body. Understanding this can help reduce frustration when the mind doesn’t quieten in the way we might expect.
One of the most important things to remember with trauma-sensitive mindfulness is that you have choice and autonomy. Treleaven says, “We want them to know that in every moment of practice they are in control.” So, if things become too much, return to what feels safe. Stay within your window of tolerance, which allows for some discomfort, but not to where it’s overwhelming.

When practiced with care, mindfulness can be one of the greatest tools for trauma healing and addiction recovery. For me, the benefits were profound, so much so that I wrote a book about it. But the greatest benefit was reconnecting with that part of myself that addiction and trauma never touched: the part that was always there, quietly watching, peaceful and still. My true self!

Mindfulness doesn’t rewrite the past, but when we can embody a sense of safety, it helps us to hold it differently. So that the power of then no longer overshadows the power of now.
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January 15, 2026