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  • You’re Not Lonely, You’re Just Untargeted: How Algorithmic Sociability is Screwing up our Social Appetites – a thought piece about the potentially negative impacts of social platforms’ targeted advertising on the way we interact with and prioritize human connections.

    You’re Not Lonely, You’re Just Untargeted: How Algorithmic Sociability is Screwing up our Social Appetites – a thought piece about the potentially negative impacts of social platforms’ targeted advertising on the way we interact with and prioritize human connections.

    Introduction

    In the era of social media, it’s easier than ever to connect with others and build relationships. However, beneath the surface of likes, comments, and shares, a more sinister force is at play. Algorithmic sociability, driven by targeted advertising, is manipulating our social appetites and changing the way we interact with each other. In this article, we’ll explore the potentially negative impacts of social platforms’ targeted advertising on human connections and why you’re not lonely, you’re just untargeted.

    The Rise of Algorithmic Sociability

    Social media platforms have become an integral part of our daily lives. We use them to stay connected with friends and family, share our experiences, and discover new content. However, these platforms are not just neutral spaces for social interaction. They are designed to maximize engagement and advertising revenue, using sophisticated algorithms to target specific audiences with tailored content and ads. This is known as algorithmic sociability.

    Algorithmic sociability uses data and machine learning to analyze our online behavior, preferences, and interests. This information is then used to create personalized feeds, recommending content and ads that are likely to engage us. The goal is to keep us hooked, increasing the time we spend on the platform and the likelihood of clicking on ads. However, this targeted approach has a dark side.

    The Homogenization of Human Experience

    Algorithmic sociability creates a bubble of sameness, where we are only exposed to content and people that reflect our existing interests and views. This homogenization of human experience has several negative consequences. Firstly, it reinforces our existing biases and prejudices, making it more difficult to engage with opposing viewpoints and foster empathy. Secondly, it limits our exposure to new ideas, experiences, and perspectives, stifling personal growth and creativity.

    Moreover, the algorithm’s focus on engagement and advertising revenue leads to the amplification of sensational and provocative content. This creates a culture of outrage and polarization, where people are more likely to interact with content that confirms their biases rather than challenging them. The result is a fragmented and divisive online environment, where meaningful conversations and connections are increasingly difficult to establish.

    The Commodification of Human Connections

    Social media platforms have turned human connections into a commodity, using our relationships and interactions as a means to generate advertising revenue. This commodification of human connections has significant consequences for our mental and emotional well-being. When we are reduced to data points and advertising targets, our sense of self-worth and identity becomes tied to our online presence.

    The pressure to present a curated online persona, complete with a highlight reel of achievements and experiences, creates unrealistic expectations and promotes consumerism. We begin to measure our self-worth by the number of likes, comments, and followers we have, rather than the quality of our relationships and experiences. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and loneliness, even when we are surrounded by people.

    The Illusion of Connection

    Social media platforms create an illusion of connection, making us believe that we are part of a larger community or network. However, this sense of connection is often superficial and lacks depth. We may have hundreds or thousands of online “friends,” but how many of these relationships are truly meaningful and fulfilling?

    The algorithm’s focus on engagement and advertising revenue prioritizes quantity over quality, encouraging us to collect followers and likes rather than nurturing meaningful relationships. This can lead to a sense of disconnection and isolation, even when we are actively engaging with others online. We may feel like we are part of a community, but in reality, we are just a collection of individual users, each interacting with our own personalized feed.

    The Loss of Serendipity and Discovery

    Algorithmic sociability also leads to the loss of serendipity and discovery, as our online experiences become increasingly predictable and tailored to our existing interests. We are no longer exposed to new ideas, experiences, and perspectives, as the algorithm filters out content that is unlikely to engage us.

    This homogenization of online experience stifles creativity, innovation, and personal growth. We are less likely to stumble upon new authors, artists, or musicians, as the algorithm prioritizes content that is already popular or trending. The result is a cultural landscape that is increasingly stagnant and predictable, lacking the diversity and richness that comes from unexpected discoveries and encounters.

    The Impact on Mental Health

    The negative impacts of algorithmic sociability on mental health are well-documented. The constant stream of curated and manipulated content can create unrealistic expectations and promote consumerism, leading to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

    The pressure to present a perfect online persona can also lead to burnout and exhaustion, as we struggle to maintain a facade of happiness and success. Moreover, the lack of meaningful connections and the illusion of community can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and isolation, even when we are surrounded by people.

    Breaking Free from Algorithmic Sociability

    So, how can we break free from the constraints of algorithmic sociability and cultivate more meaningful human connections? Firstly, we need to recognize the ways in which social media platforms are manipulating our social appetites and priorities. By understanding the algorithms that drive these platforms, we can begin to resist their influence and seek out more diverse and authentic online experiences.

    Secondly, we need to prioritize quality over quantity, focusing on nurturing meaningful relationships and connections rather than collecting followers and likes. This may involve taking breaks from social media, engaging in offline activities, and seeking out new experiences and perspectives.

    Finally, we need to demand more from social media platforms, advocating for algorithmic transparency and accountability. By promoting diversity, inclusivity, and creativity, we can create a more vibrant and dynamic online environment, one that values human connections and community over advertising revenue and engagement.

    Conclusion

    In conclusion, algorithmic sociability is screwing up our social appetites, manipulating our priorities and interactions in ways that are detrimental to our mental and emotional well-being. By recognizing the negative impacts of targeted advertising and the homogenization of human experience, we can begin to break free from the constraints of social media platforms and cultivate more meaningful human connections.

    It’s time to take back control of our social lives, prioritizing quality over quantity and seeking out diverse and authentic online experiences. By doing so, we can create a more vibrant and dynamic online environment, one that values human connections and community over advertising revenue and engagement. Remember, you’re not lonely, you’re just untargeted.

    FAQs

    Q: What is algorithmic sociability?
    A: Algorithmic sociability refers to the use of algorithms and data to analyze and manipulate human behavior, particularly in the context of social media platforms.

    Q: How does algorithmic sociability affect human connections?
    A: Algorithmic sociability can lead to the homogenization of human experience, limiting our exposure to new ideas and perspectives, and creating a culture of outrage and polarization.

    Q: What are the negative impacts of targeted advertising on mental health?
    A: Targeted advertising can create unrealistic expectations, promote consumerism, and lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

    Q: How can we break free from algorithmic sociability?
    A: We can break free from algorithmic sociability by recognizing its influence, prioritizing quality over quantity, and seeking out diverse and authentic online experiences.

    Q: What can social media platforms do to promote more meaningful human connections?
    A: Social media platforms can promote algorithmic transparency and accountability, prioritize diversity and inclusivity, and create features that encourage meaningful interactions and community-building.

  • When You’re Depressed: Is There Room to “Let Go”?

    When You’re Depressed: Is There Room to “Let Go”?

    Feeling overwhelmed is a common trigger for my anxiety attacks. A project doesn’t go as well as I’d hoped or I miss a deadline, and fear and insecurity rise in my mind and body. “I’m going to be judged and found wanting,” goes the narrative. “They won’t want to work with me again. Who was I anyway to take on such a job? I’m an imposter. I always fall at the last hurdle.” My heart starts racing, my stomach churns, my muscles stiffen. These sensations are unpleasant, so I tense up further in an unconscious attempt not to feel them, even while my attention is pulled in their direction. Oh no, says a new thought. Why am I getting so anxious and blocked.

    With so much energy expended internally, there’s less available to attend to daily matters. Panic may set in. “Now I can’t get any other work done,” my mind laments. “It’s the old cycle downwards again. I’m cursed with depression.” The familiar pressure builds up in my nose and chest, making it difficult to access any other feelings, and the negativity starts to spiral: I won’t be able to cope, I’ll be left with no money, no energy, unable to dig myself out of this hole. The doom-mongering thoughts fuel even more anxiety. It could go on indefinitely—a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    With so much energy expended internally, there’s less available to attend to daily matters.

    But hang on a minute. If these thoughts are just thoughts—and probably mere projections, tainted by the negative bias that comes especially at times of stress—then there’s no need to follow them. Anxiety is a feeling, and I know that feelings come and go. Yesterday’s thoughts and feelings were different, so who’s to say my internal weather isn’t due another change? There are patterns of experience, for sure, but this moment is just a vibration of energy experienced in consciousness, created by constellations of events in the mind, body, and outside world around a so-called “me” that in reality has no fixed location. Ideas in the mind are in flux, sensations in the body are in flux, and the trigger events are already receding into memory—no more than traces of causal energy that set the winds of mental and physical habit blowing. Suddenly, with this shift in perspective, thoughts, and feelings are no longer facts, and there’s not even a solid, single, separate “me” to feel upset or hurt by them. There is just experience, happening on and on. It’s painful experience right now, to be sure, but just energy in motion nevertheless. I’m changing from moment to moment, too—everything is in flow, as it always is. This won’t stay the same, and nor will I.

    “No Feeling is Final.”

    Rainer Maria Rilke once said: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” We can make it even less personal. Just let everything happen (drop the “to you”)—watch and feel each aspect of the mind–body–world show play out on the stage of consciousness, experiencing it all with interest and kindness in the knowledge that the moment is already and inevitably on its way to becoming something else. If the energy is allowed to play out by itself, the next moments are less likely to be conditioned by misguided attempts to turn what is flowing into something solid, or to push away what is here so it’s no longer part of the moment. Neither solidifying nor separating from the moment can ever be successful, because the moment is always both here and in transition. But if there is no depression to get stuck in, and no self to get hurt, then everything in mind, body, and life can flow like an undammed river, with energy streaming through without the defensive psychic barriers that serve only to turn that energy in on itself.

    By shifting perspective and approach—experiencing without grasping and resistance—this moment has already become different from how it might have been.

    Negative thoughts—as well as the bodily symptoms of fear—may still be present. But they are not “mine” any more. They just are—present remnants of past events that do not need to be turned into unnecessary future suffering. By shifting perspective and approach—experiencing without grasping and resistance—this moment has already become different from how it might have been.

    A Mountain Meditation to Help You Shift Out of Panic Mode

    This mindfulness practice, often referred to as “the mountain meditation,” can help us center in our bodies especially in the midst of life’s shifting swirls. By imagining and then embodying the steadiness of a mountain, we’re training in being present to the weather of the world, as well as to our own internal weather: our thoughts and sensations.

    1) Settle into an upright, comfortable sitting posture. Present and awake. Gentle and steady. Connected to the ground below. Body rising up into the air.

    2) Imagine in your mind’s eye a beautiful mountain. It could be a mountain you’ve climbed or viewed from a distance, or perhaps one you’ve seen in a film or picture. Or maybe one you’ve just conjured up in your mind. Either way, visualize a mountain that for your embodies majesty and magnificence, full of natural wonder.

    3) Notice the awesome qualities of the mountain: See in your mind how its foot is grounded firmly in the earth and how it rises up into the air unapologetically and fully taking its place in the landscape. Bring awareness to its solidity, its stillness, its strength, and its size. Come day or night, storm and sun, winter and summer, the mountain abides in the space, sitting still in its landscape, unwavering whatever the weather. It doesn’t have to do anything. It just is. A beautiful mountain. Amazing just by its very existence. And whether it’s sunny, snowing, blowing a gale, hot, warm, cool, or cold, the mountain just is there, sitting present.

    4) Notice your own mountainous qualities as you sit here. Just like the mountain is plugged into the earth, so your feet are connected to the ground. Your body rising upwards like the body of the mountain. Your head rests on your shoulders like the peak of the mountain and you can be here, fully present like the mountain sits in its space. Your body and being as miraculous as the mountain that evokes such wonder just by its presence. Like the mountain, being an embodiment of stillness, solidity, beauty, without having to do anything else.

    There may be weather going on of course: events in life, thoughts, and sensations ebbing and flowing in the internal and external environment. Whatever the weather, just for now, practice being a “breathing body mountain.” Naturally wonderful, whether the weather seems pleasant or unpleasant. Let the climates of the world happen: being rained on, shined on, snowed on—stay present as best you can to whatever comes.

    5) When the mind wanders, invite attention back to the sense of being a mountain or if you prefer, let your attention rest on the mountain in your mind for a while before returning to sensations in the body. Let go of the need to feel a particular way. If you don’t feel mountainous, that’s fine.

    This practice invites you to cultivate a quality rather than fabricate a feeling: just being a “breathing body mountain.”

    This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus). Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.



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  • Why You’re Not Achieving Your Goals (And How to Fix It)

    Why You’re Not Achieving Your Goals (And How to Fix It)

    Introduction

    Setting goals is a crucial step towards achieving success in any area of life. However, many people struggle to reach their objectives, despite their best efforts. If you’re finding it challenging to achieve your goals, you’re not alone. There are several reasons why you might be falling short, and understanding these reasons is the first step towards making positive changes. In this article, we’ll explore the common reasons why people don’t achieve their goals and provide practical advice on how to overcome these obstacles.

    Lack of Clear Goals

    One of the primary reasons people don’t achieve their goals is that they don’t have clear objectives in the first place. Vague goals like "I want to be healthier" or "I want to be richer" are not specific enough to provide direction or motivation. To achieve your goals, you need to define what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it, and how you plan to get there. Try to set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) goals that provide a clear roadmap for success.

    Procrastination and Distractions

    Procrastination and distractions are significant obstacles to achieving goals. With the constant stream of notifications, social media updates, and endless entertainment options, it’s easy to get sidetracked and lose focus. To overcome procrastination and distractions, you need to create a conducive environment that promotes productivity. This might involve setting aside dedicated time for work, eliminating distractions, and using tools like website blockers or productivity apps to stay on track.

    Fear of Failure

    Fear of failure is another common reason people don’t achieve their goals. The fear of not meeting expectations or making mistakes can be paralyzing, causing people to hesitate or give up altogether. However, failure is an essential part of the learning process, and it’s often a stepping stone to success. To overcome the fear of failure, you need to reframe your mindset and view failures as opportunities for growth and improvement. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and focus on making progress rather than perfection.

    Lack of Accountability

    Lack of accountability is another significant obstacle to achieving goals. When you’re not responsible to anyone but yourself, it’s easy to procrastinate or give up when things get tough. To overcome this, you need to find ways to hold yourself accountable, such as sharing your goals with a friend or mentor, joining a community or support group, or hiring a coach or accountability partner.

    Unrealistic Expectations

    Unrealistic expectations are another reason people don’t achieve their goals. Setting overly ambitious targets can lead to burnout, frustration, and disappointment. To avoid this, you need to set realistic expectations based on your resources, skills, and limitations. Break down your goals into smaller, achievable milestones, and focus on making steady progress rather than trying to achieve overnight success.

    Ineffective Time Management

    Ineffective time management is a significant obstacle to achieving goals. When you don’t prioritize your tasks or manage your time wisely, you can easily get bogged down in non-essential activities or procrastinate on important tasks. To overcome this, you need to learn effective time management skills, such as prioritizing your tasks, using a schedule or planner, and avoiding multitasking.

    Lack of Self-Care

    Lack of self-care is another reason people don’t achieve their goals. When you’re not taking care of your physical, emotional, or mental health, you can easily burn out or lose motivation. To avoid this, you need to prioritize self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and take regular breaks to recharge and refocus.

    How to Fix It

    So, how can you overcome these obstacles and achieve your goals? Here are some practical tips to help you get started:

    • Set clear, SMART goals that provide direction and motivation

    • Create a conducive environment that promotes productivity and eliminates distractions

    • Break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks to overcome procrastination and fear of failure

    • Find ways to hold yourself accountable, such as sharing your goals with a friend or hiring a coach

    • Set realistic expectations based on your resources, skills, and limitations

    • Learn effective time management skills, such as prioritizing your tasks and avoiding multitasking

    • Prioritize self-care activities, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones

    Overcoming Obstacles

    Despite your best efforts, you’ll inevitably encounter obstacles and setbacks on your journey to achieving your goals. Here are some tips to help you overcome common obstacles:

    • Don’t be too hard on yourself when you encounter setbacks or failures. Instead, learn from your mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth and improvement.

    • Stay positive and focused on your goals, even when faced with challenges or setbacks.

    • Be flexible and willing to adjust your plans or approach when circumstances change or unexpected obstacles arise.

    • Surround yourself with supportive people who encourage and motivate you to achieve your goals.

    • Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem, to stay motivated and encouraged.

    Conclusion

    Achieving your goals requires more than just setting objectives and hoping for the best. It requires a deep understanding of the obstacles that stand in your way and a willingness to overcome them. By setting clear goals, creating a conducive environment, and prioritizing self-care, you can overcome common obstacles like procrastination, fear of failure, and lack of accountability. Remember to stay positive, focused, and flexible, and don’t be too hard on yourself when faced with setbacks or failures. With persistence, dedication, and the right mindset, you can achieve your goals and unlock your full potential.

    FAQs

    Q: How do I set clear goals?
    A: To set clear goals, define what you want to achieve, why you want to achieve it, and how you plan to get there. Make sure your goals are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound).

    Q: What if I’m not motivated to work towards my goals?
    A: Lack of motivation can be a significant obstacle to achieving goals. Try to identify the reasons behind your lack of motivation and address them. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and focus on making progress rather than perfection.

    Q: How can I overcome procrastination and distractions?
    A: To overcome procrastination and distractions, create a conducive environment that promotes productivity. Eliminate distractions, use tools like website blockers or productivity apps, and set aside dedicated time for work.

    Q: What if I’m afraid of failure?
    A: Fear of failure is a common obstacle to achieving goals. Reframe your mindset and view failures as opportunities for growth and improvement. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and focus on making progress rather than perfection.

    Q: How can I hold myself accountable?
    A: To hold yourself accountable, share your goals with a friend or mentor, join a community or support group, or hire a coach or accountability partner. Regularly track your progress and celebrate your successes to stay motivated and encouraged.

  • Think You’re Too Young To Worry? Habits That May Harm Your Health By 30s

    Think You’re Too Young To Worry? Habits That May Harm Your Health By 30s

    Many people believe they have time to quit smoking, heavy drinking, or other unhealthy habits, but new research suggests the damage may start much earlier than expected. Although it’s never too late to change, researchers now caution that these vices could begin affecting your health as early as 36.

    For those who keep postponing their decision to take up a healthy lifestyle, the latest study published in the journal Annals of Medicine could be an eye-opener.

    “Non-communicable diseases such as heart disease and cancer cause almost three-quarters of deaths worldwide. But by following a healthy lifestyle, an individual can cut their risk of developing these illnesses and reduce their odds of an early death,” said lead author Dr Tiia Kekäläinen in a news release.

    Researchers tracked the physical and mental health of hundreds of people over more than 30 years and found how risky habits like smoking, heavy drinking, and lack of exercise can take a serious toll on their health, often earlier than one would expect.

    The analysis showed that people with all three unhealthy habits: smoking, heavy drinking, and inactivity, had significantly worse physical and mental health compared to those who avoided them altogether.

    When examined individually, each habit took a unique toll. While lack of exercise was strongly tied to poorer physical health, smoking was linked mainly to worse mental health and heavy drinking was associated with declines in both. The more shocking reveal was the health effects started showing by the time individuals reached their mid-30s.

    The study also noted that the more unhealthy habits people had — and the longer they held onto them — the worse their health became. Over time, these habits affected their mental well-being, poorer self-rated health, and a buildup of metabolic risk factors that can lead to chronic diseases.

    “Our findings highlight the importance of tackling risky health behaviors, such as smoking, heavy drinking and physical inactivity, as early as possible to prevent the damage they do to from building up over the years, culminating in poor mental and physical health later in later life,” said Dr Kekäläinen.

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  • A Meditation for Unconditional Love When You’re Struggling

    A Meditation for Unconditional Love When You’re Struggling

    In this guided meditation, Caverly Morgan invites us to move beyond “positive thinking” in difficult moments and instead tap into a deep well of unconditional love for ourselves

    When we’re wrestling with experiences that challenge our identities or our confidence—like failures at work, relationship struggles, or letting go of old belief systems—it can be tempting to reach for positive self-talk that pushes back against the difficult feelings we might be having.

    In today’s guided practice, Caverly Morgan offers something much sturdier, what she calls unconditional reassurances.

    In this practice, we’re not just saying the opposite of what we’re feeling, hoping that it will be true. Rather, it’s about anchoring into a deep-down sense of worthiness and compassion that’s always present, regardless of how well things are going for us or how great we feel about ourselves in any given moment. It’s the difference between saying, Don’t feel bad! You’re the best! and saying, Whether you succeed or you don’t, I love you no matter what.  

    A Meditation for Unconditional Love When You’re Struggling

    Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.

    1. I invite you to begin this meditation with three of the longest and deepest inhalations and exhalations you’ve taken yet today. So often we take the breath for granted. Give yourself permission right now to simply enjoy breathing. 
    2. Picture a moment in your life in which you are struggling. If the scale is one to ten, ten being the greatest struggle you’ve ever known, pick something in the middle. Think of some time, perhaps in your recent past, when you were resisting what is, or seeking a different experience. 
    3. Notice what you were saying to yourself as you were struggling. Or to be even more accurate, what “the judge” was asserting, maybe commanding. Maybe for you there wasn’t any negative self-talk present, or perhaps the voice of the inner critic wasn’t alive in that moment. But for most of us, in moments of struggle the judge is somewhere on the scene. For this contemplation, see if you can get a sense of what’s being said. 
    4. Now see yourself as the one who’s listening to the judge. Really play with this in your imagination. Maybe you even see a young part of you that’s taking this message in. You might even let yourself feel, consciously identifying with this young part of you feeling what they feel. 
    5. From this space, ask, What do I need to hear? What do I need to know? If it’s not this, what is it? 
    6. Now in this struggle, take on the feeling as though you’re drowning, flailing your limbs around. See someone sitting on a dock nearby. Someone that really loves you, knows you, sees you. It might not be a real person in your life. It might be a kind stranger that is walking by the lake and doesn’t want to see you drown. See this person? With a bright, shiny, brand new life preserver in their hand, see them tossing it to you as your arms flail. Let yourself grab on to it. 
    7. If there were messages inscribed on this life preserver, what would the messages be? Perhaps it’s really simple. Like, I’m here. You don’t need to flail around any longer. You can hang on to me. I’ve got you. What phrases light up for you? What sentiments? Touch that unmet need. There’s no right or wrong here. 
    8. What is important is that the sentiments are unconditional. If they were to come in the form of phrases, they’re phrases that have no opposite. For example, they wouldn’t be something like, You’re a winner! Rather, they would be things like, I love you no matter what. 
    9. Take a moment now to say these phrases to yourself. Offer this part of you who’s been struggling unconditional Love. It’s not transactional or based on performance. Offer that now. Really see the part of you that needs to hear these things, needs to know these things. 
    10. If it feels difficult to access unconditional Love in this moment, that is absolutely fine. It’s just not the right moment to touch it. A part of you might be blocking the love. That’s always in the backdrop of our experience, but they can often feel out of reach. See if you can touch this love, this recognition that you are worthy.  
    11. Next, play with the image of releasing the life preserver. Just breathing and floating in the sea of presence. You don’t need to strive. Floating isn’t the byproduct of your hard work and your effort to do this “right.” It is your nature to float, just as it is your nature to love. If you meditate to be a better person, you’ll always be busy trying to be a better person. If you meditate because you’re in love, resting in your own luminous, infinite being in this sea of love, you’ll always be in love. 
    12. For one more full minute, let yourself rest in love. I’ll stop talking now. And if you wish to rest in this way for longer than a minute, I invite you to do so. If you need to move into your day, just give yourself one more minute before doing so. Resting in love. Letting yourself float. Thank you.



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