When I was a kid, my dad taught me how to do a backflip off the diving board. I was terrified, but with his encouragement, I pulled it off. Then he had me do it again—and again—until it stuck. Feeling confident, I decided to push myself and bounce higher. Bad move. I jumped high, but not far enough out, and ended up hitting my head on the diving board on the way down. Then I sank. Underwater, I saw my dad’s hand reach in to grab me. Once I was out, I burst into tears. That’s when I heard it for the first time: “Suck it up.”
He told me to get back on the board and do it again. I was furious, scared, and confused, but his tough approach worked (ish). Though I didn’t want to, I climbed back up. I reluctantly mustered every ounce of courage and completed another backflip. Then I got out of the pool, fuming at my dad for making me do it again after I was hurt, and ran inside the house. I was pissed and I didn’t forgive him for years. Looking back, I get it now (ish). He totally could have handled it better, sure, but it was all he knew—it was his normal.
Here’s the other thing I realized: There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos. In that moment, “sucking it up” was necessary for me to calm down, refocus, and get back on the proverbial horse. But here’s the catch: When that approach becomes your everyday norm—especially when your job is all chaos, all the time—it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.
There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos—but when that approach becomes your everyday norm, it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.
Calm Isn’t (Always) the Goal
For the first responders I meet while leading Tactical Brain Training sessions, that’s the challenge. The nature of the work demands you set emotions aside to handle emergencies effectively.
A detective once said to me, “So when someone is coming at me with a gun or knife, you want me to close my eyes, take a few breaths, and be peaceful and calm?” I replied, “Sure, if your intention is to get stabbed or shot!” (I may have cursed a bit here too.) I followed up with something like, “No, that would be the wrong move here. Instead, you can use mindfulness to complement your law enforcement training strategically …protecting yourself. And no, don’t close your eyes!”
When the job requires you to literally place yourself in the fire, the stress that comes with it is understandable. And the trauma—whether experienced personally or from witnessing someone else’s—is inevitable. If we know that trauma is part of the job, it becomes our responsibility to address it. We train for every other aspect of the job—drawing a weapon, performing CPR, restraining someone—so why not train to manage the potential fallout? This is the gap I see between training for action and training for sustainability (that is, training to keep ourselves mentally healthy).
Mindfulness interventions and Tactical Brain Training are not just about creating calm; they’re about regulating the nervous system, enabling someone to approach their job or their partner with purposeful actions rather than just reacting. Instead of letting emotions guide actions, mindfulness interventions train the brain’s prefrontal cortex to help guide actions. The prefrontal cortex is in charge of executive functioning: cognitive abilities such as working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. Training this part of the brain means we’re able to operate in a responsive state rather than a reactive one.
For first responders, veterans, and other people who face high-stress situations, having a variety of emotional regulation techniques increases access to balance. It’s about building a go-to toolbox of strategies. If one doesn’t work, toss it and try another. This isn’t about zoning out or ignoring the pain and suffering; it’s about training to tune into it while knowing you have a strategy to work your way out.
How to “Suck It Up” With Mindfulness
Mindfulness is not as simple as “just notice your emotions” or “just take a breath.” Asking someone who’s been trained to suppress their emotions in order to save a drowning person to suddenly feel and embrace every emotion can be overwhelming, distracting, and even frustrating. And asking someone who is highly agitated to stop what they’re doing and take a breath can be ridiculously annoying! If you ever see me write or hear me say “JFB,” this is my way of creating some levity in a stressful moment, which can have the benefit of incorporating an intervention without the associated stigma or frustration. JFB stands for Just F’ing Breathe (but I’m sure you already figured that out).
It’s key to start small. You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps. It would be pretty dumb to start weight training by lifting 100 lbs. We need to build slowly and steadily (I’m currently at 10-lb weights—apparently I need to work on this.)
You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps.
For example, instead of starting with “I am so frustrated, where do I feel it in my body?” which can feel overwhelming, you can approach the mind-body connection interventions in a stepwise progression. Begin with something like: “First I want to train to feel sensations in my body, and then I will try to connect those sensations with an emotion.” It’s helpful to begin with noticing common physical sensations. Train for curiosity: “Where do I feel hunger?” “Where does fatigue show up in my body?”
From Chaos to Emotional Regulation
From there, you can build. Think a happy thought. What does happiness feel like in your body? And, think of something frustrating (but NOT traumatic, as there’s no need to purposefully trigger yourself here). And be curious again. Try and identify where you feel frustration. This step-by-step approach builds a foundation of awareness. By the time emotions are addressed directly, it’s no longer foreign or overwhelming. Skills have been developed to notice without being consumed.
This is exactly why I call it Tactical Brain Training. It shifts the idea of mindfulness away from the stigma of being “emotional” and reframes it as a strategic way of thinking. The idea is not to disappear emotions in order to get the job done. It’s about creating a “suck it up container,” knowing you can return to those emotions once the chaos settles. Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.
Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.
Just like learning to backflip off a diving board, it requires practice, patience, and a step-by-step approach. And when mistakes happen—as they inevitably do—the training allows emotions to be acknowledged without letting them take control. Instead, they’re momentarily set aside, enabling clear focus to complete the task at hand.
So many people I work with are surprised to learn that it can be this simple. I’m not saying traumatic experiences are simple, and I’m not saying starting a mindfulness practice is easy. What I am saying is this:
- Yes, stress and trauma are inevitable parts of the job.
- No, you are not broken.
- Yes, it is what it is—and now you know.
- Yes, you can approach this in a way that feels relatable to you.
- Now, let’s get to work! #JFB
