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Tag: SelfCompassion

Building Self-Compassion for Failure in the Creative Process

Have you ever found that on some days, no matter how good your intentions, you just can’t manage to get around to doing what you said you most wanted to do?

No matter what we’re trying to do—say, establish a new habit such as meditation, exercising more often, eating more healthfully, or diving into a new creative hobby—there will be days when life gets in the way. We may feel too tired; some emergency might arise; or we might simply forget to do what we had very good intentions of doing.

It’s exactly in these moments of failure that we need to offer ourselves some self-compassion. In fact, the whole creative process needs to be a compassionate one.

The compassionate road to creativity

One of the keys to creativity is testing different solutions to a problem—that is, iterating on the solutions and the design that you’ve come up with. Simply put, this means the first few attempts we make are not necessarily going to be the end result. There will be moments of failure, and this is part of the creative process.

To pick ourselves up after a moment of failure (or perceived failure) and carry on, we need to offer ourselves some self-compassion, and it’s our mindfulness practice that can help us build that.

Self-compassion for failure simply means turning the lens of compassion back onto ourselves.

What do we mean by “self-compassion for failure”?

It simply means turning the lens of compassion back onto ourselves. That is, recognizing our own moments of stress and suffering and being motivated in those moments to come up with a solution to alleviate our stress and suffering. There’s a great deal of scientific evidence now that shows how self-compassion builds motivation: people who are self-compassionate tend to navigate failure better and tend to stick with behavior changes and habits they originally set out to change or establish.

Acknowledge, Admit, Accept

Here’s a three-step process of self-compassion, as outlined by one of the premier researchers in this field, Kristen Neff. This three-step process consists of, first, offering ourselves a moment of mindfulness.

When we’re feeling a sense of failure or feeling inadequate, or even navigating the stress that arises when we feel things are out of our control—we take a moment in there to acknowledge the facts, admit we don’t like those facts, but accept the way things are. The key things to remember is not to get caught up in the narrative or story about what’s happening and not to suppress any difficult emotions that may come up. We’re simply acknowledging that this moment is stressful.

The second step is to connect with our sense of common humanity. Take a moment to acknowledge that no matter what we might be going through, there are many other people just like us who’ve encountered the same difficulty. So, we’re not alone—this kind of failure or this kind of stress is just part of the human condition. This is not only true, it can help us feel less isolated in moments of imperfection. It’s a little easier to foster a sense of self-compassion for failure when we know we are never alone.

The third step is offering ourselves some kindness. Consider what you might say to a best friend if they were going through what you might be going through in this moment of stress.

A Simple Practice to Foster Self-Compassion for Failure

Let’s try this model of self-compassion through a practice, keeping a creative goal in mind as we go. Here’s also a guided audio version with Dr. Neff if you’d like to listen instead:

1. I invite you to sit up in a way that’s alert yet relaxed and close your eyes. Make sure both your feet are planted firmly on the floor to help stabilize you and ensure your back is straight but not rigid. Allow the front of your belly to be soft. You may rest your hands gently on your lap.

2. Let’s start by bringing to mind something in your life that’s not going well. Maybe it’s a creative goal you’ve been working on that hasn’t gone according to plan. Maybe you’ve encountered some kind of failure at work or at home. Or maybe you’re just dealing with a painful situation that’s beyond your control.

3. Keeping this situation in mind, let’s start the process of self-compassion with mindfulness: Take a moment to acknowledge things as they are, not as you wish them to be. Take this moment to acknowledge things exactly as they are.

4. You might say something like, “This is a moment of stress,” or, “I don’t like this, but this is the way it is right now.” Keep in mind we’re not trying to problem solve. We’re also not getting caught up in the story around the pain and stress. We’re simply staying present to what’s happening.

5. Next, bring to mind the fact that no matter what you’re going through, there have been many people who’ve been through the same experience before. You might say something like, “I’m not alone in this,” or, “This is simply a part of being human.”

6. And now I’d like you to offer yourself some kindness. If this were your best friend or a loved one who was going through what you’re going through, what might you say to them? What advice might you offer?

7. As you offer yourself the same kind of unconditional love and friendliness, I want you to send yourself a few wishes of well-being: May I be kind to myself. May I be patient and accepting of myself. May I be strong and resilient in this moment.

8. From this place of greater warmth and kindness for yourself, I’d like you to take a couple of deeper breaths at your own pace. And whenever you’re ready, open your eyes and rejoin this conversation.

Not Just Nice, But Essential

One thing that consistently stands out about Neff’s extensive research is this counterintuitive find: without self-compassion, it’s actually harder to change, heal, and grow. And that includes our creative endeavors.

We tend to think that being hard on ourselves will motivate us to do better—but it in reality, the opposite is true. Relentless self-criticism diminishes not only our enjoyment of the creative process, but also our ability to see into new possibilities. That fear of “not getting it right” stunts our creativity.

When we take the time to slow down, pay attention to our sense of “not-enough” in creative process, and offer that fear a little extra care, we’re actually holding the door open wider to fresh ideas, inspiration, and creative courage.

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May 16, 2026
The Art of Self-Compassion: Why Practicing Kindness Towards Yourself is Essential
Introduction to Self-Compassion

The art of self-compassion is a powerful tool that has been gaining recognition in recent years for its profound impact on mental health and wellbeing. In a world where self-criticism and perfectionism are often encouraged, practicing kindness towards oneself can be a revolutionary act. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same kindness, care, and concern that one would offer to a good friend. It is about being gentle, understanding, and accepting of oneself, even in the face of challenges and setbacks.

Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is not about self-pity or self-indulgence, but rather about cultivating a deep sense of understanding and acceptance of oneself. It involves recognizing that everyone makes mistakes, that it is okay not to be perfect, and that one’s worth and value come from who they are as a person, not from their achievements or external validation. Self-compassion is also not the same as self-esteem, which can be based on external factors such as success or appearance. Rather, self-compassion is about developing a stable and enduring sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external circumstances.

The Benefits of Self-Compassion

Practicing self-compassion has numerous benefits for both physical and mental health. Research has shown that self-compassion is associated with lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress, as well as greater emotional resilience and wellbeing. Self-compassion can also help to improve relationships, as individuals who practice self-compassion are more likely to be kind, understanding, and compassionate towards others. Additionally, self-compassion can help to increase motivation and productivity, as individuals who are kind to themselves are more likely to take risks and pursue their goals with confidence and courage.

How to Practice Self-Compassion

So, how can one cultivate self-compassion in their daily life? Here are some tips:
1. Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness meditation, which involves paying attention to the present moment with kindness and curiosity. This can help to increase self-awareness and reduce self-criticism.
2. Self-kindness exercises: Write down three things you appreciate about yourself each day, or write a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend.
3. Physical self-care: Take care of your physical needs by getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, and engaging in physical activities that bring you joy.
4. Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings without judgment, allowing yourself to process and release any emotions that may be causing you distress.
5. Seeking support: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you, and don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist or counselor if you need additional guidance.
Overcoming Barriers to Self-Compassion

Despite the many benefits of self-compassion, there are often barriers that prevent individuals from practicing kindness towards themselves. These barriers can include:
1. Self-criticism: The tendency to be overly critical of oneself, which can lead to feelings of shame and self-doubt.
2. Perfectionism: The expectation that one must be perfect, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and burnout.
3. Societal pressure: The pressure to conform to societal expectations, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
  To overcome these barriers, it is essential to recognize that they are not inherent to oneself, but rather learned behaviors that can be changed. By practicing self-compassion and challenging negative self-talk, individuals can begin to break free from these barriers and develop a more positive and compassionate relationship with themselves.
Developing a Self-Compassion Practice

Developing a self-compassion practice takes time and effort, but it is worth it. Here are some tips for getting started:
1. Start small: Begin with small acts of self-compassion, such as taking a few deep breaths or writing down three things you appreciate about yourself.
2. Be consistent: Make self-compassion a regular part of your daily routine, such as right before bed or first thing in the morning.
3. Find a community: Connect with others who are also practicing self-compassion, either in person or online.
4. Be patient: Remember that developing a self-compassion practice takes time and patience, and that it is okay to make mistakes along the way.
Conclusion

The art of self-compassion is a powerful tool that can have a profound impact on mental health and wellbeing. By practicing kindness towards oneself, individuals can cultivate a deep sense of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-worth. While there may be barriers to self-compassion, such as self-criticism and perfectionism, these can be overcome with time and effort. By developing a self-compassion practice and making it a regular part of daily life, individuals can increase their emotional resilience, improve their relationships, and live a happier and healthier life.

FAQs
1. What is the difference between self-compassion and self-pity?
  Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, while self-pity involves feeling sorry for oneself in a way that is excessive and unproductive.
2. How can I start practicing self-compassion if I have a history of self-criticism?
  Start by practicing small acts of self-compassion, such as taking a few deep breaths or writing down three things you appreciate about yourself. Gradually increase your self-compassion practice over time, and be patient with yourself as you work to overcome negative self-talk.
3. Can self-compassion help with anxiety and depression?
  Yes, research has shown that self-compassion is associated with lower levels of anxiety and depression, as well as greater emotional resilience and wellbeing.
4. How can I make self-compassion a part of my daily routine?
  Try incorporating self-compassion into your daily routine, such as right before bed or first thing in the morning. You can also try setting reminders or placing sticky notes in strategic locations to remind yourself to practice self-compassion throughout the day.
5. Is self-compassion the same as self-esteem?
  No, self-compassion and self-esteem are not the same. Self-esteem can be based on external factors such as success or appearance, while self-compassion is about developing a stable and enduring sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external circumstances.
March 17, 2026
Self-Compassion for Nervous System Reset
If you find yourself stuck in a stress cycle, try this gentle practice to pause, calm your nervous system, and reset.
It’s not always an instinctual go-to for us, but self-compassion is one of the most powerful forms of healing and restoration for our mental and physical well-being.

In this meditation, mindfulness teacher Shamash Alidina offers three ways to show compassion for yourself when you’re stressed and need a reset.

Shamash Alidina has been practising mindfulness since 1998 and runs his own successful training organisation. He is the author of Mindfulness For Dummies and most recently, The Mindful Way Through Stress. He frequently pops up in newspapers, magazines and on radio shows. Based in London, he runs online trainings and speaks at conferences all over the world. He’s been teaching mindfulness full-time since 2010.

Self-Compassion for Nervous System Reset

Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
1. Let’s take these 12 minutes for a nervous system reset—to step out the doing mode and into the being mode. Start by finding a posture that feels like a hug for your body, whether you’re sitting or lying down. See if you can be one or two percent more comfortable. Maybe that means a cushion behind your back or unclenching your jaw just a fraction.
2. Now let’s take a deep slow breath in. And as you exhale, imagine you’re letting go of the days to-do list. Just let it drop to the floor for now. It’ll still be there later, if you really want it, but for now, you’re off duty.
3. What is the state of your nervous system? Is it buzzing? Is it tight? See if you can greet it with a bit of curiosity rather than judgment. Instead of saying, I shouldn’t feel stressed, try saying Oh, that’s interesting. Stress is visiting me right now. That’s okay. It’ll pass in time.
4. Now let’s bring some kindness to the physical body. Our nervous systems often get stuck in high alert because they’re trying to protect us. Let’s send a signal that it’s safe to rest.
5. Begin by bringing awareness to your lower abdomen. Invite it to soften. So as you breathe in, it gently expand. And as you breathe out, it gently contracts. If it feels okay with you, placing a hand over your heart. Or if you prefer, cradling one hand in the other. Feel the warmth and the gentle pressure. This isn’t just a gesture, it actually releases oxytocin. The body’s natural soothing chemical.
6. As you gently bring awareness to your breath, there’s no need to breathe “perfectly.” Just feel the breath moving in and out, like the tide of the ocean. Each inhale is a gift of energy. And each exhale is an opportunity to release.
7. You could say, breathing in, I know that I’m breathing in. Breathing out, I gently smile to my nervous system. When we’re overwhelmed, we tend to isolate.
8. Let’s practice the three steps of self-compassion together. Step 1: Mindfulness. Acknowledge any struggle that you’re going through right now. Silently say to yourself, This is a moment of suffering or this is really tough right now. You’re not trying to minimize it. You’re validating your own experience.
9. Step 2: Common humanity. Remind yourself that you aren’t alone. Thousands of people will feel exactly like this, right now. This buzzing feeling or heaviness feeling is part of being human. You’re part of the big, messy, beautiful club. The Club of Humanity.
10. Now Step 3: Self-kindness. Ask yourself the magic question. How can I be kind to myself right now? Maybe you need to hear the words, It’s going to be okay. You’re doing the best you can. Say these words to yourself, with the warmth you’d use for a dear friend. Or perhaps to a little puppy that’s struggling.
11. Now, just sit in this stillness for a moment for a bit. If your mind wonders, which it will, because that’s what minds do, just gently, playfully invite it back. Imagine a golden light of kindness radiating from your heart, filling up your chest, your limbs. And there’s space around you, creating a buffer zone of peace. The nervous system is gently recalibrating. Shifting from fight or flight to rest and digest and restore. You don’t have to earn this rest. You deserve it simply because you exist.
12. When you’re ready, as we gradually come to the end of this short journey, give your fingers and toes a little wiggle. Try to carry this kindness muscle with you into the rest of your day. Things get hectic later, remember you can always come back to that soft lower abdomen or that gentle hand on your heart. Thank yourself for taking this time. It’s a radical act of kindness to stop and breathe. When you’re ready, slowly open your eyes. Do a good stretch. And perhaps give yourself a little smile.
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March 13, 2026
The Power of Kindness: How Practicing Self-Compassion Can Improve Your Health
Introduction to The Power of Kindness

The power of kindness is a profound and transformative force that can have a significant impact on our lives and the lives of those around us. One of the most effective ways to harness this power is by practicing self-compassion, which involves treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would offer to a good friend. In this article, we will explore the concept of self-compassion, its benefits for our health and well-being, and provide practical tips on how to incorporate it into our daily lives.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is the practice of treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and patience, especially when we are experiencing difficulties or hardships. It involves acknowledging that we are imperfect and that it is okay to make mistakes, and treating ourselves with the same care and compassion that we would offer to a friend in a similar situation. Self-compassion is not the same as self-esteem, which involves evaluating ourselves as good or bad based on our achievements and possessions. Rather, self-compassion involves recognizing that we are human beings who deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, regardless of our flaws or shortcomings.

The Benefits of Self-Compassion for Our Health

Practicing self-compassion can have a significant impact on our physical and mental health. Some of the benefits of self-compassion include:
- Reduced stress and anxiety: Treating ourselves with kindness and understanding can help us to feel more calm and relaxed, even in the face of challenging situations.
- Improved emotional well-being: Self-compassion can help us to develop a more positive and compassionate relationship with ourselves, which can lead to increased feelings of happiness and life satisfaction.
- Better sleep: Practicing self-compassion can help us to wind down and relax at the end of the day, leading to improved sleep quality and duration.
- Increased resilience: Self-compassion can help us to bounce back from difficult experiences and to develop a greater sense of resilience and coping ability.
- Stronger immune system: Research has shown that people who practice self-compassion tend to have a stronger immune system and are less likely to get sick.
How to Practice Self-Compassion

So how can we start to practice self-compassion in our daily lives? Here are some tips:
- Be kind to yourself: Treat yourself with the same kindness and care that you would offer to a good friend. Be gentle with yourself, and avoid self-criticism and judgment.
- Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment, without judgment or distraction. Practicing mindfulness can help us to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
- Use positive self-talk: The way we talk to ourselves can have a significant impact on our self-esteem and well-being. Practice using positive and affirming language when speaking to yourself, and avoid self-criticism and negative self-talk.
- Take care of your physical needs: Taking care of our physical needs is an important part of practicing self-compassion. Make sure to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet, and engage in regular exercise and self-care activities.
- Seek support: Finally, don’t be afraid to seek support from others when you need it. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for help and guidance, and remember that you are not alone.
Overcoming Obstacles to Self-Compassion

While practicing self-compassion can be incredibly beneficial, it’s not always easy. Here are some common obstacles to self-compassion, and some tips for overcoming them:
- Self-criticism: One of the biggest obstacles to self-compassion is self-criticism. When we are self-critical, it can be hard to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding. To overcome self-criticism, try to practice self-awareness and recognize when you are being critical of yourself. Challenge those critical thoughts by asking yourself if they are really true, and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes.
- Perfectionism: Another obstacle to self-compassion is perfectionism. When we strive for perfection, it can be hard to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all. To overcome perfectionism, try to practice self-acceptance and recognize that it’s okay to make mistakes. Remind yourself that nobody is perfect, and that it’s okay to have flaws and imperfections.
- Shame and self-blame: Shame and self-blame can also be major obstacles to self-compassion. When we feel ashamed or guilty, it can be hard to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding. To overcome shame and self-blame, try to practice self-forgiveness and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. Recognize that you did the best you could with the resources you had at the time, and that you can learn and grow from your experiences.
The Role of Mindfulness in Self-Compassion

Mindfulness plays a critical role in self-compassion, as it allows us to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance. By paying attention to the present moment, without judgment or distraction, we can begin to see ourselves and our experiences in a new light. Mindfulness can help us to develop a greater sense of compassion and understanding for ourselves, and to treat ourselves with the same kindness and care that we would offer to a good friend.

The Importance of Self-Care

Self-care is also an essential component of self-compassion. When we take care of our physical and emotional needs, we are better able to cultivate a sense of kindness and compassion towards ourselves. Self-care can involve a wide range of activities, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time in nature. By prioritizing self-care, we can begin to develop a greater sense of self-love and self-acceptance, and to treat ourselves with the same care and compassion that we would offer to a good friend.

Conclusion

In conclusion, practicing self-compassion can have a profound impact on our health and well-being. By treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and patience, we can reduce stress and anxiety, improve our emotional well-being, and develop a greater sense of resilience and coping ability. While there may be obstacles to self-compassion, such as self-criticism and perfectionism, these can be overcome with practice and patience. By incorporating self-compassion into our daily lives, we can begin to cultivate a greater sense of self-love and self-acceptance, and to live happier, healthier lives.

FAQs

Q: What is the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem?
A: Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and patience, regardless of our flaws or shortcomings. Self-esteem, on the other hand, involves evaluating ourselves as good or bad based on our achievements and possessions.
Q: How can I practice self-compassion in my daily life?
A: You can practice self-compassion by being kind to yourself, practicing mindfulness, using positive self-talk, taking care of your physical needs, and seeking support from others when you need it.
Q: What are some common obstacles to self-compassion?
A: Common obstacles to self-compassion include self-criticism, perfectionism, and shame and self-blame. These can be overcome by practicing self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-forgiveness.
Q: How can mindfulness help me to cultivate self-compassion?
A: Mindfulness can help you to develop a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance, which can lead to increased feelings of kindness and compassion towards yourself.
Q: Why is self-care important for self-compassion?
A: Self-care is essential for self-compassion because it allows us to take care of our physical and emotional needs, which can help us to cultivate a greater sense of self-love and self-acceptance.
September 13, 2025
Curb Your Inner Critic Over the Holidays with Self-Compassion

When we’re caught up in the rush to create the perfect holiday experience, showing ourselves a little self-compassion actually helps us show up for others.

‘Tis the season for self-judgment! During the holidays, the comparing mind kicks into high gear as we measure ourselves against our friends, family, colleagues, as well as the “ghosts” of past and future visions of ourselves and find that we are coming up short. In Charles Dickens’ famous Christmas Carol, the stodgy and stingy Ebenezer Scrooge learns to embrace gratitude and attunement for those around him. How about we take a page from Dickens’ book and not only attune to others this holiday season, but do so toward ourselves as well.

As a clinician, I’ve been trained to spot and address the unhealthy mental habit of repetitive and negatively-toned inner chatter that broils in our minds and bodies from the inside. Rumination (or repetitive and passive thinking about negative emotions) has been shown to predict the chronic nature of depressive disorders as well as anxiety symptoms. Another study suggested that people with a ruminative style of reacting to their low moods were more likely to later show higher levels of depression symptoms. When we ruminate about our shortcomings and failings, we spend too much time in our heads instead of living our lives. We focus on berating ourselves internally instead of actually enjoying the holiday.

When we ruminate about our shortcomings, we spend too much time in our heads instead of living our lives. We focus on berating ourselves internally instead of actually enjoying the holiday.

And it’s not just my patients who ruminate negatively about themselves—it could be me, for instance, telling myself over and over that I’m an “absolute failure” as a therapist for not paying attention to a patient for a split second during a session. Or eviscerating a future version of myself based on a minor faux pas last week. Rumination is the run-on self-talk of the mind that has agitated energy as both its fuel and its output. Ruminative thinking is toxic to our well-being and clarity of mind.

So how do we work with rumination? One way forward is self-compassion. Self-compassion is far more than chasing rainbows and skipping after unicorns. According to psychologist and researcher Kristin Neff, self-compassion is self-kindness (versus self-judgment), combined with a sense of common humanity (versus being alone with what’s hard) and mindfulness (versus being over-identified with bad feelings). Self-compassion is seeing our pain as part of the larger, universal picture of being human, and seeing ourselves as worthy of kindness and care. And it’s not weak or passive, or narcissistic and self-indulgent. It takes guts to practice, and science shows that it can do much to lower anxiety, stress reactions, depression, and perfectionism. It can open you up to your life whereas your old patterns or reaction and self-judgment close you down.

In a 2010 study examining the levels of reported self-compassion, rumination, worry, anxiety, and depression in 271 non-clinical undergraduate students, results suggested that people with higher levels of reported self-compassion are less likely to report depression and anxiety. The data showed that self-compassion may play the role of buffering the effects of rumination. In some of the practices that follow, we learn how to unhook from rumination and cut ourselves (and others) the slack requisite for increasing clarity and ease of being.

Sidestep Self-Judgement: Three Mindful Practices for Self-Compassion

The following brief self-compassion practices are drawn from my co-authored card deck (along with clinicians and authors Chris Willard and Tim Desmond) “The Self-Compassion Deck” (PESI Publishing & Media). What follows are three cards from our deck laid out in a sequence that is intended to help you sidestep the self-judgment/ ruminative cascade and build a foundation of self-compassionate, flexible space—something much needed this time of year!

As with many mindfulness practices, this one is best conducted in a quiet space, with your body in a comfortable, alert posture. Take in a few slow, deep breaths and then read these three cards in order. Pause for 30 seconds or more with each card.

Watch what arises in your body and mind as you come to rest on the words (and underlying meaning) of each practice. Just allow yourself to observe what shows up, and if your mind goes into its loops of rumination, just gently come back to the card and its self-compassionate intentions.

1) Send kind wishes to your past and present self

Pause and take in what emerges for you about giving kind wishes to yourself at various stages of your life. At what points in your life is it easier/ harder to conjure self-kindness?

2) Choose an act of self-care

Notice what ideas show up when you think of what might do to legitimately take care of yourself today. Does your ruminating mind immediately throw up any roadblocks? Any “well, but’s …”? Are you willing to “thank” your mind for sharing these, and do the self-compassionate act anyway?

3) Keep track of how often you criticize yourself vs. encourage yourself

Perhaps your self-compassionate act for today would be to actually do what this last card suggests—keep track of how often you criticize versus encourage yourself. I’m serious: perhaps you could keep track with tally marks on a scrap of paper or on a journal. Being honest and willing to pay attention this closely to yourself is itself a great act of self-compassion. We don’t often give ourselves this much time out of our busy lives. Instead of all the tally marks on holiday to-do lists, perhaps we can tally up our relationship with ourselves?

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December 13, 2024