Health Journal Online

Tag: Present

  • Addiction, Trauma, and the Problem of Being Present

    Addiction, Trauma, and the Problem of Being Present

    The Power of Then

    I remember one day in rehab, after a particularly gruelling day of group therapy, the facilitator decided to end with a mindfulness meditation. Feeling exhausted and overstimulated, I welcomed the chance to close my eyes and shut out the world for a little while.

    But as she guided our awareness through the body, I became painfully aware of what was happening inside mine—the tightness in my jaw and throat, my heart pounding, the knot of fear twisting in my stomach. My body didn’t feel like a safe place to be; it felt like a war zone.

    When the meditation ended, she reminded us of how important it is in recovery “to live in the now.” And that left me with a burning question that I didn’t dare ask: What if my now feels unbearable?

    When the meditation ended, she reminded us of how important it is in recovery “to live in the now.” And that left me with a burning question that I didn’t dare ask: What if my now feels unbearable?

    For many people in recovery, being in the body can feel like stepping onto enemy territory. It’s where we hold the emotional pain, unresolved trauma, and survival responses we’ve spent years trying not to feel. Mindfulness invites us to tune in—to become aware of our bodies and minds, to sit with our emotions and thoughts. 

    To many people, this is a neutral concept. However, for the addict in recovery, it’s also being asked to return to the danger our addiction once protected us from.

    I once heard someone say, “You can’t feel the power of now until you’ve healed the power of then.” That statement really stuck with me. 

    When the nervous system is carrying trauma—when we’re dysregulated, overwhelmed, or trapped in a state of fight/flight/freeze—mindfulness doesn’t always feel supportive. Sometimes it simply heightens our awareness of the pain and discomfort within, without giving us the resources to cope.

    The Root of Addiction

    Many experts in the trauma and addiction field believe trauma sits at the root of addiction. Gabor Mate, one of the most influential voices in this work, invites us to shift the question from, Why the addiction? to, Why the pain? 

    Many of us are working from an outdated idea of what trauma actually is. Trauma isn’t defined by the event. It’s defined by what happens inside of us as a result of the event, the imprint it leaves on our body and mind.

    That reframing, turning the attention toward the suffering beneath the behavior, was one of the most powerful turning points in my recovery.

    You might be reading this and thinking, “This doesn’t apply to me. I don’t have trauma.” Yet many of us are working from an outdated idea of what trauma actually is. Trauma isn’t defined by the event. It’s defined by what happens inside of us as a result of the event, the imprint it leaves on our body and mind.

    Trauma expert Pat Ogden describes trauma as “any threatening, overwhelming experience that we cannot integrate.” When understood this way, it becomes more relatable. It’s not limited to catastrophic events; it also includes the undigested life experiences most of us carry in varying degrees—the moments that shape how safe we feel in the world, in our relationships, and in our own bodies.

    If substances became a way to soothe, regulate, or find relief from the imprint of those experiences, that is the link between trauma and addiction. Addiction doesn’t manifest without reason. It’s your body and nervous system attempting to restore balance—to escape an unbearable now—when nothing else seems to work.

    The Challenges Mindfulness Presents

    Mindfulness isn’t inherently problematic for everyone living with trauma; for some, it’s deeply supportive. The difficulty for some people living with symptoms of trauma is that mindfulness can sometimes intensify those symptoms, and in some cases even cause re-traumatisation.

    Mindfulness eventually became one of my greatest resources. But in the early days, before I was trauma informed, I often pushed through discomfort, believing that was part of the practice. I remember one meditation in particular where I forced myself to sit with an increasingly uncomfortable sensation in the pit of my stomach. I was convinced that if I just stayed with it long enough, I’d eventually reach some blissful state of transcendence. Instead, it sent me into an intense dissociative state which lasted for weeks—something I later learned is not uncommon for trauma survivors. 

    This is why it’s important to understand the potential challenges of mindfulness for some—so that if you do encounter problems, you know it’s not a sign of failure. It’s simply a signal from your nervous system that more safety is needed.

    Here are some primary signals to pay attention to: 

    Focusing on the body or breath can be activating

    Trauma lives in the body as physical sensations, constriction, tension, and survival responses. When we bring awareness to the breath, or to areas that hold this survival energy—the chest, throat, belly—these sensations can feel overwhelming.

    Mindfulness can trigger traumatic memories or flashbacks

    Turning inward creates space for memories, images, or emotions that were previously suppressed to rise to the surface. When they do, the body and mind may react as if the past is happening again. In other words, we start experiencing the power of then.

    Stillness can feel threatening to a dysregulated nervous system.

    For someone who is used to living in a state of fight, flight, or chronic hypervigilance, stillness can feel unfamiliar and unsafe. Even the feeling of calm can feel threatening when the body is used to scanning for danger.

    Self-observation can activate shame or self-judgement

    Turning attention inward can make self-critical thoughts louder, especially for someone whose trauma involved blame, guilt, or a loss of self-worth.

    None of this means mindfulness should be avoided. Far from it. It simply means the practice may need to be approached differently: with more pacing, choice, and with safety at its core.

    Practising Mindfulness Safely

    Safety is the foundation of trauma recovery and one of the cornerstones of trauma-informed mindfulness. David Treleaven, founder of Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness, emphasises that mindfulness for trauma survivors must be flexible, and adapted to suit an individual’s nervous system and needs. Instead of pushing through discomfort, this approach supports choice, regulation, and autonomy.

    Here are some adjustments you can make to your mindfulness practice when you start to feel activated: 

    1. Start outward. For many people, beginning with external anchors feels more supportive than turning the attention inward. Noticing sounds, feeling your feet on the floor, or gently orienting to your surroundings can help settle the nervous system.
    2. Switch it up. Once a sense of grounding is established, you can then gently approach your inner experience. It can help to move between inner and outer awareness, so that if anything becomes too intense, you can shift your focus back outward, adjust your posture or pause completely. Having a reliable anchor, something that feels supportive to return to, can be especially helpful.
    3. Get mobile. Movement can also be a powerful bridge to presence. Walking, stretching, or gentle swaying may feel more accessible when stillness feels too threatening. You don’t have to sit motionless in a lotus position to be mindful. 
    4. Open your eyes. For some people, closing their eyes means they can’t scan for danger. As people are learning to find safety, practising with eyes open, or with a soft gaze, can also reduce the vulnerability that may come with closing the eyes.
    5. Be gentle with a noisy mind. It’s also worth noting that the mind—even when busy or critical—can feel safer than the body. Understanding this can help reduce frustration when the mind doesn’t quieten in the way we might expect.

    One of the most important things to remember with trauma-sensitive mindfulness is that you have choice and autonomy. Treleaven says, “We want them to know that in every moment of practice they are in control.” So, if things become too much, return to what feels safe. Stay within your window of tolerance, which allows for some discomfort, but not to where it’s overwhelming.

    When practiced with care, mindfulness can be one of the greatest tools for trauma healing and addiction recovery. For me, the benefits were profound, so much so that I wrote a book about it. But the greatest benefit was reconnecting with that part of myself that addiction and trauma never touched: the part that was always there, quietly watching, peaceful and still. My true self!

    Mindfulness doesn’t rewrite the past, but when we can embody a sense of safety, it helps us to hold it differently. So that the power of then no longer overshadows the power of now.



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  • How to Feel Present, and Stay Present

    How to Feel Present, and Stay Present

    When your schedule (and your mind) never seem to rest, here are three simple ways to feel more present in everyday life that don’t take much time.

    We’ve all been through a lot—both together and alone—and as the long, warm days of summer turn the corner toward autumn, there’s a little more darkness each night and a cooler nip to the air. It’s like the tilt of the Earth is sending a reminder: that each of us can be the light in the darkness (and that on the other side of that darkness is light).

    Many take this time of year to look back (poring over a summer’s worth of photos, anyone?) or look ahead (rushing into a new term, a new routine, a new vision for what we want to achieve). Here’s an invitation to just be here. Right here, right now, in this moment.

    It’s like the tilt of the Earth is sending a reminder: that each of us can be the light in the darkness (and that on the other side of that darkness is light).

    Some of these moments will bring great peace. Others may leave us in pieces. The more we can bring our focus and presence to these moments, the more skilled we become at kindness, compassion—for ourselves and others—and finding joy, and the more we can surf the changes of life with ease. It all starts with being present, here and now.

    3 Mindful Practices to Feel Present—and Find Your Presence

    1. Bring your whole heart to the moment.

    “Joy has its roots in wholehearted appreciative attention,” writes Willem Kuyken. “As you go about your day, bring your attention to seeing, touching, and listening wholeheartedly—mindful of how you are touching and being touched by the world. Take moments to pause.” There are just two steps in this practice, so you can use it anytime you need it.

    Deepen Your Practice: Unhook from Negativity and Savor Joy

    2.  Find your foundation in the breath.

    When we face stress, it can be tempting to zone out, ruminate on the past, or plan the future. Give yourself—and the mindful kids in your life— the gift of this moment, with a basic breathing practice to anchor you in the simplicity of the present. J.G. Larochette shares a catchy rhyme to help you feel present, calm, and clear all day long: “Repeat to yourself, “I’ve got my feet on the floor, I’ve got my spine in a line, I’ve got my hands in my lap, I’ve got my heart to the sky.”

    Deepen Your practice: A Meditation to Breathe Out Love

    3. Savor what comes.

    It’s all going to come anyway—the good and the bad, the highs and the lows. During his week-long savoring practice, founding editor Barry Boyce writes, “What I was prepared for was taking time to really enjoy things, in the present moment. What I wasn’t prepared for was how much it would challenge underlying attitudes and assumptions.”  It’s an invitation to be with the moments as they come and savor them, no matter their flavor.

    Deepen Your Practice: Gratitude Practice: Savor the Moment by Tapping In to Your Senses

    6 Ways to Enjoy Mindful Walking 

    Research shows that mindful walking in nature offers stress-busting and mood-boosting advantages, plus a welcome chance to stretch our legs. Chris Willard, PhD shares six ways to customize your next mindful stroll.
    Read More 

    • Christopher Willard
    • June 20, 2023



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  • The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    Research suggests that when we turn towards pain and discomfort, we can experience less of it. Plus, Ed Halliwell offers a guided meditation for being mindful when things get tough.

    Research into mindfulness has shown the benefits of staying present, and of gently turning towards difficulty. Mindfulness-based relapse prevention (MBRP) trains people with addictive habits to manage their cravings mindfully by staying present to the sensations of craving, rather than trying to distract from them, avoid them or defeat them.

    The Science of Staying Present

    In a large trial of MBRP, mindfulness-trained patients drank and used drugs significantly less than those who were treated with cognitive-behavioural approaches, and a control group who attended twelve-step and psycho-education groups. The authors of the study conclude that mindfulness was the most successful approach, especially over the longer term, because it enabled patients to “monitor and skilfully cope with discomfort associated with craving or negative affect.” A similar study with smokers found that mindfulness training was more than five times as effective as a standard smoking cessation programme, as measured by abstinence from cigarettes after four months (31 per cent compared to 6 per cent). Another study has suggested that mindful people are more able to tolerate their own distress, rather than react in harmful ways.

    There are benefits to staying present with physical, as well as emotional, discomfort. Fadel Zeidan and colleagues suggest that meditation practice is associated with brain changes that indicate and reflect shifts in people’s experience of, and relationship with, pain. Meditators show decreased activity in the primary somatosensory cortex (an area of the brain involved in registering pain) and increased activity in three areas involved in the regulation of pain—the anterior insula, the anterior cingulate cortex and the pre-frontal cortex. When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases. They may not get so caught up in the negative stories and evasive reactions that tend to accompany pain but do nothing to stop it (and, indeed, may increase the mind’s perception of it). This may be why people with chronic conditions have reported reductions in pain after training in mindfulness, even though they still suffer from the illness.

    When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases.

    As far back as 1971, Robert Wallace and Herbert Benson found that meditation reduced activity in the sympathetic nervous system, which controls the “fight or flight” reaction. More recently, attending a mindfulness course has been shown to reduce activity and grey matter volume in the amygdala—a key indicator of how strongly this reaction is triggered. With mindfulness training also comes a thickening in parts of the pre-frontal cortex—the region directly behind the forehead—which may be connected to a strengthening of the body’s capacity to regulate stress. Connections between the amygdala and other parts of the brain weaken after mindfulness training.

    One part of the pre-frontal cortex associated with stress regulation is the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). Poor ACC function tends to correlate with impulsive behaviour and mental inflexibility—which are both common among people who are under stress. Experienced meditators display more activity in the ACC, and better stress regulation. The capacity to self- manage during difficult situations may be trainable at a very young age. One study that tracked a group of pre-school children who attended a mindfulness programme over six months found that they were less impulsive (more able to regulate) than a group of children who did not receive the training.

    The Benefits of Leaning Into Discomfort

    Just the act of describing unpleasant experiences mindfully can have a positive effect on stress levels. In one study, people with a fear of spiders were asked to walk towards and try to touch a live tarantula. Some were invited to reassure themselves as they approached the spider, while others were advised to distract themselves from what they were trying to do. A third group was encouraged to acknowledge and turn towards their fear, saying something like: “I am frightened by the big ugly spider.” The members of this third group—those who openly stayed present to their fear— got closest to the tarantula, felt least upset by the experience, and had the least sweaty palms.

    Staying present to difficulties seems to have a significant impact on well-being. In Matt Killingsworth’s studies of wandering minds, he has found that people are less happy when their minds are distracted, even when they are engaged in an activity that we would usually describe as unpleasant. So, for instance, even though most people are not keen on commuting, they tend to be happier if their minds turn towards the experience of the journey rather than wander away from it. Other studies have suggested that setting oneself the goal of avoiding stress increases the long-term risk of depression. By contrast, if we view stress as a normal, helpful indicator—something we can handle and from which we can learn—rather than as something to eliminate, we are more likely to experience good health and emotional well-being.

    Try This 15-Minute Guided Mindfulness Meditation

    When you’ve established a stable foundation with mindfulness of breath and body you can experiment with turning towards difficulty.

    Sometimes our experience is painful and difficult. And there may be little or nothing we can do about the arising of the pain or difficulty. In these cases, we may be able to work with what’s happening skillfully by exploring our relationship to it. Most of us have a habitual pattern of turning away from problems or trying to get rid of unpleasant events. Unfortunately this often seems to increase our sense of stress, because if pain is already present, you can’t get rid of it by trying to run away from it. In mindfulness practice we gently experiment with reversing this habit by turning gently towards difficult experiences that come up in our meditation.

    This practice is usually best done in small doses at first. Preferably working with difficulties that aren’t likely to be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you’re in charge of how you undertake this experiment. You can return to mindfulness of breathing as an anchor at any time or let go of this practice for a while if you need to, being kind to yourself.

    Note that this practice includes longer pauses of complete silence for reflection and presence. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go.

    1. Begin by settling into a dignified sitting posture. Upright, steady, grounded. Feeling the feet on the floor, bottom on the chair, spine erect shoulders dropped. Feel a sense of openness at the chest, muscles un-tensed, centered, feeling the breath in the belly. Attuning attention to sensations of the breath as it moves in and out. Being with the breath. Being in the body.
    2. And now expanding awareness to experience throughout the body. Being in the present moment with the body. Noticing what you find and allowing what’s here to be here. Especially noticing sensations in the body that are more unpleasant and difficult to be with. Maybe there’s an aching, throbbing, churning, or a tightening somewhere. There may be a physical or a more emotional tone to the sensations. If it feels helpful to label this for yourself, you could mentally say some words describing the experience: anger, pain, or restlessness, for example. Perhaps also noticing where in the body you’re feeling these tones of sensation and emotion.
    3. Now inviting you to experiment with gently taking your attention towards a region of more intense sensation. Turning towards the intensity. Being interested in the qualities of and changes in sensation from moment to moment. What increases or decreases in intensity are there? What shifts in location or texture? As best you can, staying with the direct experience of sensation and letting any thoughts about what’s happening or urges and impulses to react be held in kindly awareness in the background of the mind. Letting go of any need to try and get any kind of result here or for anything to have to change. Just gently turning towards what’s going on. And noticing what happens without an agenda. Riding the waves of experience, moment by moment.
    4. If you like you could offer a sense of breathing with the sensations, feeling them together with the rising and falling of the breath. Breathing in with sensations, breathing out with sensations.
    5. Noticing: are there any impulses to resist or pull away? Perhaps you find your attention drawn into thoughts. Rumination maybe or distraction. Maybe you find your thoughts trying to make sense of the difficulty or problem solving it or judge the success or failure of the practice by whether the intensity decreases or changes. As best you can, seeing if you can include these reactions in your noticing, allowing space for them to be experienced along with the sensations themselves—without having to buy into them or reject them.
    6. If it feels too much to be doing this it’s always okay to continue with or return to mindfulness of breathing or body or to stop practicing for a time. Gentleness is paramount here and there are no right or wrong things to happen when you try this. Just being interested in what does happen when you take your attention into a region of difficulty, moving towards it, letting the experience be observed and awareness without needing to do anything else.
    7. And experimenting now if this feels okay for you with breathing into the region of intensity. Opening further to the sensations on the in-breath and having a sense of softening on the out-breath, of letting go. This isn’t to try and change what’s happening but rather to offer a skillful relationship to it. Flowing with it. Offering space to it, allowing it. Breathing into the sensations on the in-breath, breathing out from them on the out-breath, softening, letting be, allowing.
    8. Staying present with the intensity only for as long as feels manageable for you right now. If you like you can gently move your attention away from and then back towards the intensity noticing what happens each time you work with redirecting your attention in and out. Inviting you to be like a scientist undertaking a laboratory experiment. Being interested in what happens rather than seeking a particular outcome. Coming back to mindfulness of breath or body as and when that feels right for you.
    This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus). Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.



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  • A 12-Minute Meditation for Tuning Into the Present Soundscape

    A 12-Minute Meditation for Tuning Into the Present Soundscape

    This week, Melli O’Brien guides us in a practice that invites us to pause and reconnect with the simplicity of being.

    In the midst of life’s noise and distractions, this soundscape meditation creates space to step back and truly listen. By exploring the sensations of the body, the natural rhythm of the breath, and the sounds surrounding us, we’re reminded that peace is found in awareness, not in controlling what’s around us.

    A Guided Meditation for Tuning Into the Present Soundscape

    1. Prepare for this practice by settling into as comfortable a position as you can find. Allow the body to be settled and as relaxed as possible here and at the same time seeing if you can remain upright rather than slouching. Let the way that you place your physical body reflect your intention to be alert and engaged in the practice for the next ten minutes. 
    2. Allow your eyes to lightly close now, if that feels okay for you, or simply lower your gaze. Then bring awareness into the physical body and into the sensations at the contact points between your body and the surface beneath you. Move awareness in close and explore those sensations at the contact point. Then shift the focus to just feeling that gentle rhythm of the breath moving in the body and how the body is being gently rocked and cradled by the natural breath. 
    3. Now, expand your attention out from the breath and bring the focus to the sounds all around you in this particular moment. Take in the sounds in all directions. Sounds in front. Sounds behind. To the sides. Above and below. Take in the whole surrounding soundscape at once.
    4. As the sounds continue to unfold and change, notice if there’s any tendency to mentally label the sounds as they come, or to judge whether you like them or not. Notice how easily sounds can create a story. If you notice this, see if it’s possible to drop any mental commentary and come back to listening to the sounds themselves. Listen as if hearing for the first time, as if each sound was totally new to you. Observe how each sound arises out of stillness. It unfolds and then dissipates back into stillness. Coming and going, constantly changing. Notice the transient nature of sounds. 
    5. Now let go of listening to sounds and bring awareness to your internal world of thoughts. No need to try and control your thoughts in any way. Just let them come and go on their own, just as you did with sounds. Thoughts coming and going, like clouds passing across the sky of your awareness. Thoughts arising, unfolding, and dissipating back into stillness. 
    6. As you continue to be aware of these mental events, notice that these thoughts are coming and going in your awareness. You are the observer, not the thoughts. You can even say that: Here I am watching. I am not the thoughts. I am not the mind. 
    7. Now see if you can withdraw attention from observing the thoughts and simply sense into the awareness of the silent field in which all things come and go. The awareness that you are. This is not something you can grasp with the mind. You’re sensing into that silent beingness, that silent awareness that’s at the very core of all experience. 
    8. Now, let yourself relax back into this silent center of your being. Drop into that still, unchanging depth of being. Allow everything else to arise and pass. Let life flow through you. Rest in the depths of being. It’s like you’re way down deep at the bottom of the ocean in this timeless space, and all that’s coming and going is surface phenomena. Things arising and passing, arising in passing.
    9. In these last few moments of practice, come back to gently focus on your breathing. Take a long, slow, deep breath in. As you breathe out, begin to wriggle the fingers and toes. Take a moment to notice how you feel after making this time for meditation. When you’re ready, open your eyes. 
    10. Remember that no matter what happens today, you can always reconnect to the stillness and peace within by just taking a moment of mindfulness. Wishing you a great day.  



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  • 12 Minute Meditation for Noticing What’s Present and What Isn’t

    12 Minute Meditation for Noticing What’s Present and What Isn’t

    Explore this mediation inspired by the Japanese concept of ma, which refers to “the spaces between everything.”

    Today’s practice offers a unique approach to training our attention and invites us to explore the empty spaces that exist all around us and inside us. 

    For instance, we might think of the space between the plants in the garden, or between the notes in a song. It can also be emotional space, like the silences in a conversation. Or the little gaps between our thoughts and emotions. 

    Often, we don’t even notice these empty spaces—but bringing our awareness to them can reveal new meaning and beauty. By exploring the space in-between through this mindfulness practice, we also enhance our creativity, noticing skills, and awareness. 

    A Guided Meditation for Noticing What’s Present and What Isn’t

    1. This practice is inspired by the Japanese notion of Ma, the idea of examining that space that exists between everything that’s not actually empty, but is full of potential. 
    2. Start by finding a comfortable posture. When you’re ready, you can simply begin to lower or close your eyes, whichever is most comfortable for you.
    3. Now, bring awareness to your breath. Watch and feel the rise and fall of the inhale and exhale. Then, tune also to the spaces between. What is the moment when the exhale finishes before it turns into the inhale? Or the inhale turns into the exhale? Allow your awareness to rest in the stillness between your breaths. 
    4. Next, turn your attention to your heartbeat, your pulse. See if you can find that in your body, the sensations or sounds of your heartbeat, and the spaces between each heartbeat.
    5. Whether you’re sitting or laying down, notice now spaces where your body makes contact with the world. What’s behind or underneath you? Feel where your skin makes contact with your clothing, and tune your awareness to these sensations and the spaces between. 
    6. Scanning through your body, notice sensations as you might in a body scan, deeper in your body. See if you can pick up on the spaces between, where you notice almost no sensation, or between sensations in space or in time. 
    7. Shifting to your other senses now, just listen and notice the sounds around you. Near or far, left or right. Notice all the sounds, and the sounds even within sounds, as well as the spaces and the silences between the sounds. Tune into smells and tastes as you breathe, noticing where these land and the spaces between. 
    8. Allow your eyes to open and be aware of when they go from closed to open. Holding your eyes steady, just notice what you see around you and within your field of vision. Furniture or other objects in the space around you. The shapes of all the objects in your field of vision, as well as shapes and sizes of the spaces in between. Beyond the objects, see the walls, the corners where walls come together. Rooms and the spaces between them. Is there perhaps something new you’ve never noticed before? When does light become shadow? Colors and hues—when does one color become the next? Continue to notice these and other spaces between in the physical space around you.
    9. You can also explore your own mind, your own experience of the space between thoughts, emotions, memories in your mind. Rest there when you find it. Explore what’s happening, what could be happening, the potential in all of these spaces between. Continue here for the next few moments.
    10. As you continue with the rest of your day, keep staying attuned to spaces between. Between inside and outside. The shapes between the clouds or the stars in the night sky. The lull between the waves of the ocean. Stillness between the raindrops. Space between you and other people, physical and emotional. Between a joke and a laugh, a question and an answer. Between waking and opening your eyes. Continue to seek out, explore, and rest in all of these spaces between and see if your perspective doesn’t slowly begin to shift on the world around you, and the world inside of you. 

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