Tag: overwhelm

  • The Easiest Way to Deepen Your Yoga Practice? Teach It to a Child.

    The Easiest Way to Deepen Your Yoga Practice? Teach It to a Child.

    “While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.”
    Angela Schwindt

    Once I had a baby, I became one of those people with the best intentions for my yoga practice. Even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk to the yoga studio for those hour-long classes anymore, I figured I would work it out somehow, that I would find a way to keep my practice alive.

    Like almost every parent I know, I got a shock when the little one finally arrived.

    I tried attending baby yoga classes, but I spent the entire time feeding her. No time for my personal practice there. When she was sleeping, I was too exhausted to leave the couch, let alone give my practice the attention it deserved.

    For a while, I mourned the loss of those studio classes. I missed the guided sequences, the community, the dedicated space just for practice. Once we settled into a little routine, though, I stopped fighting my ache for the yoga studio I’d left behind.

    Discovering a New Way to Practice

    In a way, I stumbled upon this new way of practicing out of necessity. I started meditating with my daughter on my lap. These were short sessions, nothing fancy. Just breath and presence. 

    As she grew older, we began practicing yoga postures together. We would mimic the trees we saw on our walks or the animals we’d watched at the zoo. I would practice mindfulness while swinging her at the playground, bringing awareness to the present moment and practicing gratitude for these precious days.

    Somewhere in all of this, something shifted. My yoga practice became more consistent than it had ever been—not because I was getting to the studio or following hour-long sequences, but because I was already there with my daughter, breathing, moving, and being present together.

    Somewhere in all of this, something shifted. My yoga practice became more consistent than it had ever been—not because I was getting to the studio or following hour-long sequences, but because I was already there with my daughter, breathing, moving, and being present together.

    So, if you’re struggling to maintain your practice, I want to share something that might sound counterintuitive: Practicing and teaching yoga to the children in your life, whether they’re your own kids, nieces and nephews, students, or neighborhood children, might be the key to deepening your own practice.

    Easy Practices to Teach & Try

    Here’s how to turn everyday moments into opportunities for yoga, without adding a single thing to your schedule. I encourage you to try one or more of these, and then adjust them to meet your own needs.

    1. Morning Wake-Up Stretches in Bed

    Before your feet hit the floor, before the day begins, there’s a window for practice. Instead of jumping straight into the morning rush, take two minutes to stretch in bed with your child. Extend your arms overhead. Hug your knees to your chest. Twist gently side to side.

    Make it an invitation rather than an instruction: “Want to stretch with me?” Most kids will naturally join in, and you’re teaching them that movement and breath can be the first choice of the day.

    Make it an invitation rather than an instruction: “Want to stretch with me?” Most kids will naturally join in, especially if it means a few extra minutes of connection before the day demands their attention elsewhere.

    You’re teaching them that movement and breath can be the first choice of the day. You’re giving yourself those moments too. No mat, special outfit, or commute to the studio required.

    Want to make this morning ritual even more powerful? Add an element of gratitude. After a few gentle stretches, share one thing you’re grateful for or one positive thought about the day ahead. “I’m grateful for this cozy bed and this time with you.” 

    Keep it simple. Kids often mirror this practice back, starting their day with appreciation rather than rushing straight into demands and tasks.

    2. Mindful Moments While Waiting

    Waiting is everywhere in life with children. Bus stops. Doctors’ offices. School pick-up lines. Instead of filling these moments with phones or mental to-do lists, turn them into opportunities for presence.

    When my daughter and I wait for the bus together, we’ve started really noticing what’s around us. The snow falling in winter. The leaves changing color in fall. Rain pitter-pattering on the pavement. The birds chirping in the trees nearby.

    “What do you hear right now?” becomes our game. Or “What’s different today than yesterday?”

    This practice of tuning in to the present moment, of noticing what’s actually here rather than rushing ahead to what’s next, is mindfulness in its purest form. The children learn to see the world with fresh eyes, and so do you. 

    3. Deep Breathing Throughout the Day

    You can practice conscious breathing anywhere—before a transition at home, in the car before walking into an appointment, standing in line at the post office, sitting in the doctor’s waiting room, walking from the car to the grocery store entrance.

    Make it simple. Breathe in for four counts, out for four counts. That’s it. No fancy techniques needed. Just intentional breath shared together. The breathing practice I thought I was teaching my daughter? She was internalizing it, making it her own, and reflecting it back to me when I needed it most.

    The more you practice in small moments throughout the day, the more natural it becomes—for both of you.

    A few times when I’ve been in a mental tailspin about something, she’s put her hands on both my shoulders and said, “You’ve got this, Mom. Take a deep breath.”

    The more you practice in small moments throughout the day, the more natural it becomes—for both of you.

    4. The “Drop and Roll” Game

    This is one of my favorite practices for shifting energy quickly! Anytime you need to change the mood, shift your mindset, or get a new perspective, drop into a yoga pose.

    Kids getting restless in the grocery store? “Drop and roll into downward dog right here!” (Yes, right there by the cereal aisle.)

    Feeling stuck on a problem at home? “Let’s do tree pose and see if we can think differently while we balance.”

    Energy getting chaotic before dinner? “Everybody drop into child’s pose for ten breaths.”

    The beauty is that it works anywhere. In the park when emotions are running high. In your living room when everyone needs a reset. Even in the dentist office waiting room when nerves need settling. Any moment can become a practice moment.

    Movement shifts everything. It changes your physical state, which changes your mental state. The children learn this through play, and so do you. Sometimes the fastest way back to center is moving your body in a new way.

    Movement shifts everything. It changes your physical state, which changes your mental state. The children learn this through play, and so do you. Sometimes the fastest way back to center is moving your body in a new way.

    5. Bedtime Meditation 

    If you’ve ever tried to meditate while children are awake and active in your home, you know it’s nearly impossible. But bedtime? That’s your window.

    After stories and tucking in, try a simple body scan or visualization with them. “Close your eyes and imagine you’re a starfish floating in warm water. Feel your arms get heavy. Your legs get soft.”

    By guiding them through relaxation, something happens to your own nervous system. It settles. It softens. Your breath slows. Your shoulders drop. Your mind, which has been running all day, finally gets permission to rest. 

    This thing you’re already doing every night becomes your meditation practice.

    6. Travel Days and Hotel Room Yoga

    Travel with children often means confined spaces and restless energy. As it turns out, these are ideal conditions for yoga. A hotel room becomes a studio. The wait at the airport gate becomes an opportunity for seated twists and neck rolls. The backseat of the car during a rest stop becomes a place for shoulder shrugs and gentle stretches.

    When you reframe “practice” as something that can happen anywhere, you stop waiting for perfect conditions that rarely come.

    Hotel rooms have become unexpected practice spaces for us. We make it playful (animal poses are favorites), but my body still gets the stretch it needs. My breath still deepens. My mind still settles. When you reframe “practice” as something that can happen anywhere, you stop waiting for perfect conditions that rarely come.

    7. Yoga Through Acts of Service

    The mat is just one place yoga lives. It also lives in how we show up in the world and care for others. There are countless opportunities to weave service into your life with children. Volunteering at a food bank. Helping an elderly neighbor with yard work. Making cards for people in nursing homes. Participating in a community clean-up day.

    For ten years, my family has hosted a pajama drive in our town, collecting new pajamas and delivering them to children at a less fortunate city school. This practice of karma yoga—selfless service—has become one of the most meaningful parts of our yoga practice together.

    When children see you modeling a yoga lifestyle that extends beyond poses and breath to include compassion, generosity, and showing up for others, they learn that yoga is a way of being, not just a thing you “do.”

    When children see you modeling a yoga lifestyle that extends beyond poses and breath to include compassion, generosity, and showing up for others, they learn that yoga is a way of being, not just a thing you “do.”

    And you? You’re practicing too. Not on a mat, but in the world, where it matters most.

    The Practice That Was Always There

    What children really need from us isn’t perfection in our practice. They need our presence. And in teaching them simple practices for presence, whether through breath, movement, or mindfulness, you create your own practice without needing to be anywhere other than where you already are.

    My practice now looks different from the way it did before I became a parent. It’s changed and adapted through the years as my daughter has grown. But it’s stayed alive, built into our days together in ways I never could have imagined back when I thought “real” practice only happened in a studio. The practice is in the slow breaths we take together. In the gratitude we share during morning stretches. In our mindful moments waiting for the bus. In the service projects we take on as a family. In the body scans that help her settle into sleep.

    The practice was never supposed to be separate from life. It was always meant to be woven through it. And children, with their natural presence and their ability to find joy in the simplest moments, are some of our best teachers for remembering that.



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  • You Don’t Have to Shut Down or Burn Out When You Care This Much. Do This Instead.

    You Don’t Have to Shut Down or Burn Out When You Care This Much. Do This Instead.

    Three weeks ago, I ended up in the emergency room convinced I was having a heart attack.

    The chest pain had started days earlier—a tightness that wouldn’t release, difficulty taking a full breath, pain radiating down my left shoulder. I told myself it was nothing. Maybe I’d overdone it at the gym. Maybe I’d slept wrong.

    I kept meditating.
    I kept teaching.
    I kept holding space for others.

    I tried to breathe my way through it, the way I’ve taught thousands of people to do. But on Sunday, when my doctor’s office was closed and the pain refused to let up, my husband said gently but firmly, We’re going to the ER.

    After five hours of tests and long stretches of waiting, the cardiologist came back with relief in his voice: my heart was fine.

    I should have felt grateful—and I did.
    But I was also confused.

    If my heart was healthy, what was my body trying to tell me?

    Recognition: The Role of Vicarious Trauma In Bearing Witness Without Choice

    If you have been paying attention to the world around you over the past months, you may be carrying more than you realize.

    Images of devastation in Gaza.
    Israeli families living with constant fear of attack.
    Political violence and ICE shootings at home.
    Rising Islamophobia and antisemitism fracturing communities, relationships, and public life.
    The countless Black, Indigenous, and other people of color whose deaths rarely make headlines, whose names we never learn.
    And the ongoing humanitarian crises in places like Sudan, Yemen, and Iran—where suffering continues largely outside the frame of sustained media attention.

    If you find yourself feeling unusually tense, exhausted, reactive, numb, or unable to turn away—even when you want to—it may not be a personal failing. It may be a natural response to prolonged exposure to suffering.

    For many of us, this witnessing is relentless. Each morning brings new stories, new images, new reasons to feel alarmed or heartbroken. Even when we are not directly affected, our nervous systems are taking it in.

    If you find yourself feeling unusually tense, exhausted, reactive, numb, or unable to turn away—even when you want to—it may not be a personal failing. It may be a natural response to prolonged exposure to suffering.

    There is a name for this: vicarious trauma.

    Vicarious trauma refers to the psychological and physiological impact of sustained empathic engagement with others’ pain. Our bodies and minds do not clearly distinguish between what we experience directly and what we absorb through continuous media exposure, graphic imagery, and ongoing moral urgency.

    Staying informed matters.
    Bearing witness matters.

    But exposure without the capacity to process what we are taking in carries consequences—often beneath our awareness.

    Photo by Tony Lam Hoang on Unsplash

    Withdrawal: When Turning Away Feels Necessary

    For others, the constant stream of suffering can feel overwhelming or futile, leading to disengagement instead. We scroll past headlines, turn off the news, or tell ourselves we need to focus on our own lives. At times, this discernment is necessary. Rest, boundaries, and self-care matter. But when disconnection becomes our primary response to vicarious trauma, something else quietly erodes.

    Many people turn away not because they don’t care, but because they feel powerless. What difference could I possibly make? In the face of global crises, individual action can seem insignificant, even naïve. Shutting down can feel like the only way to survive.

    Yet we live in an interconnected world where complete disconnection is an illusion. And when we disengage for too long, we don’t just lose information—we lose contact. Contact with what is happening. Contact with our own values. Contact with the small but meaningful ways care can move through us. What begins as self-protection can quietly become a loss of agency and connection.

    Vicarious trauma doesn’t just make us sad or tired. It reshapes how we see the world.

    Research shows that it disrupts core beliefs about safety, trust, control, intimacy, and meaning. It shows up cognitively, emotionally, physically, and behaviorally.

    People experiencing vicarious trauma often report:

    • Brain fog and difficulty concentrating
    • Heightened anger, anxiety, or emotional numbness
    • Sleep disturbances and chronic exhaustion
    • Hypervigilance—always bracing for the next blow
    • Physical symptoms like headaches, gastrointestinal issues, and chest pain

    And yes—ER visits.

    But there is something more essential that is lost when we burn out or shut down. 

    Vicarious trauma explains the cost to our nervous systems. But underneath that is something more subtle—and more consequential: a loss of contact with our capacity to respond.

    What gets lost when we engage on default—whether by over-consuming information about suffering or withdrawing from it—is not just nervous system regulation.

    We lose contact.

    Contact with the body as a source of intelligence.
    Contact with our felt sense of what is actually needed now.
    Contact with our agency, beyond outrage or withdrawal.
    Contact with our capacity to sense where our care is most skillful.
    Contact with our ability to stay human without hardening.

    This isn’t just trauma.

    It’s a disconnect from our humanness.

    Oppressive systems don’t need to silence us when exhaustion and reactivity will do the job for them.

    We find ourselves caught in cycles of constant witnessing or reactive outrage, or else turning away and numbing out.

    And when contact is lost, connection suffers.

    Connection with others.
    Connection with purpose.
    Connection with the part of ourselves that knows how to respond wisely.

    Vicarious trauma explains the cost to our nervous systems. But underneath that is something more subtle—and more consequential: a loss of contact with our capacity to respond.

    When we’re dysregulated:

    • We confuse intensity with impact
    • We lose the ability to imagine creative responses
    • We default to attack, despair, or withdrawal

    What’s at stake isn’t just our well-being. It’s our capacity to imagine—and enact—responses that actually reduce suffering.

    Oppressive systems don’t need to silence us when exhaustion and reactivity will do the job for them.

    Collective Capacity: How Not to Lose Each Other

    When this loss of contact happens at scale, movements fracture. Allies turn on one another. Nuance feels like betrayal. Strategic thinking gives way to moral reflex. The very capacities required for sustained change—discernment, patience, relational trust—begin to erode.

    When we are no longer in touch with our discernment, everyone can start to look like a threat. The act of listening itself can feel like moral failure. We confuse intensity with impact, and urgency with wisdom.

    This loss of contact doesn’t just exhaust us personally. It diminishes our ability to work together.

    When we are no longer in touch with our discernment, everyone can start to look like a threat. The act of listening itself can feel like moral failure. We confuse intensity with impact, and urgency with wisdom.

    I’ve seen this up close.

    At one point, someone was publicly attacking me online—not because we disagreed about the need to end suffering, but because I was trying to hold complexity rather than take a single side. I was called complicit. My integrity was questioned. Moral failure was assumed.

    Instead of reacting, I practiced inner calm, compassion, and equanimity—not to bypass harm, but to stay in contact with my own values of deep listening and seeking to understand. The next day, that same person reached out to say: “I’m sorry to have misjudged you so harshly. I’ve been exhausted, and I lashed out.”

    This person wasn’t malicious. They were overwhelmed. I recognized that feeling immediately—that same overwhelm is what had landed me in the ER. The suffering they had been witnessing was real. The vicarious trauma is real. Without tools to return to contact, that pain had nowhere to go but outward.

    I’ve witnessed this pattern repeatedly.

    When I had tried to draft a Town Council resolution that called for ending violence while also acknowledging security concerns on all sides, it was rejected—not because people disagreed with the facts, but because in the midst of collective disconnection, holding both-and felt impossible.

    This is how movements lose their strength—not through genuine disagreement about goals, but through operating from disconnection rather than from our deepest wisdom that comes from listening with care and seeking solutions that include all.

    Sustained change requires more than passion. It requires capacity: the ability to engage and retreat, to stay open without collapsing, to remain connected to one another even when the work is hard.

    When we lose that capacity, we don’t just lose effectiveness. We lose each other.

    People sharing a cheese platter, fruit, and wine around a candle-lit table, finding comfort after a day marked by vicarious trauma.
    Photo by The Cheeserom on Unsplash

    Rest: The Ground That Makes Practice Possible

    Recently, I was invited to a friend’s house for dinner. Simple food. Easy conversation. Board games. And yet, as I sat there, I felt a wave of guilt. How could I be laughing when so many are suffering? I noticed a flash of irritation toward the others at the table—why didn’t they seem as affected as I was? Didn’t they care?

    Then I caught myself.

    This guilt, this judgment—it wasn’t skillful. It wasn’t making me more effective or more compassionate. It was simply isolating me, pulling me away from the people right in front of me.

    Rest is not what we do when the work is finished. It is what makes sustained engagement possible. When we gather, we are restoring contact with the aliveness that oppressive systems rely on extinguishing.

    So I made a choice. I allowed myself to be there. To taste the food. To play the game badly and laugh at myself. To let the warmth of friendship soften something that had gone rigid inside me.

    It was quietly liberating.

    The next day, I returned to my work with more energy, clarity, and steadiness—not because anything had been solved, but because I had remembered what it feels like to be human alongside other humans.

    This is not escape.
    This is restoration.

    Rest is not what we do when the work is finished. It is what makes sustained engagement possible. When we gather with like-minded people—not to organize or persuade, but simply to cook together, laugh, play, or enjoy one another’s company—we are not avoiding the work. We are restoring contact with the aliveness that oppressive systems rely on extinguishing.

    Sometimes, what returns us to contact isn’t a formal practice at all. It’s a shared meal. Music, art, or movement that reminds us we are alive. A walk where we remember that trees still grow and birds still sing—even now.

    These moments are not indulgent.
    They are essential.

    From this restored place, certain skills can help us stay in contact when we re-engage with difficulty.

    Skills: Returning to Contact in Real Life

    Over years of teaching and research, I came to see that mindfulness as it’s often taught—focusing primarily on meditation and non-judging awareness—is necessary but insufficient for times like these.

    Calming the nervous system with meditation is only the first step. Once we re-engage, our default habits return. Without skill, we slide back into reactivity. Even if we can return to a calm, non-judging awareness, it is not enough to navigate nuanced, complex situations, often involving competing needs and worldviews. 

    Through my study of early Buddhist teachings and contemporary psychology, I began to understand mindfulness as a set of trainable skills—skills that help us stay in contact with what’s alive, even in the midst of suffering. They disrupt our default reactions and help us discern what is needed to respond skillfully.

    Three skills become especially essential when we are bearing witness to ongoing crisis:

    Inner Calm — Creating Space Without Disengaging

    Inner calm is the art of stopping, looking, and letting go for purposes of healing and clarity. It softens the grip of our attachments to habitual hurrying, beliefs, and expectations that hinder our inner equilibrium.

    Inner calm involves physical composure and mental tranquility, bringing ease to body and mind alike. In the body, composure is experienced in the muscles and as an overall feeling of ease. In the mind, inner calm creates the space to hold everything without attachment and resistance. 

    Compassion — Seeking to Understand

    Compassion is our innate ability to feel, understand, and be motivated to alleviate suffering in ourselves and others. It disrupts our tendency to act on our automatic judgments about ourselves and others by seeking to understand.

    When we lose compassion, we see enemies instead of fellow humans struggling. We attack allies for not being pure enough. We forget that we, too, are worthy of care. We lose our relational intelligence—the capacity to sense how we are affecting others and how to stay connected across differences.

    Curiosity — Returning to Creative Capacity

    Curiosity is our ability to be genuinely interested and care with the purpose of understanding the situation, even when it’s challenging. It disrupts our confirmation bias by staying open and patient in the face of uncertainty and new information.

    Curiosity widens the lens trauma narrows. It restores contact with complexity and helps us sense what might actually help. It’s not about being right. It is about being effective.

    Together, these skills interrupt default patterns and reopen the channel between knowing what matters and being able to act on it.

    Based on our resources, capacity, and unique gifts, what’s ours to do will be different. There isn’t one right way to meet the darkness. Only many necessary ones.

    But here’s what practice has taught me: Skillful response doesn’t look the same for everyone.

    Based on our resources, capacity, and unique gifts, what’s ours to do will be different. The parent raising children who can hold complexity. The artist creating work that helps others process grief. The organizer building coalitions. The healer tending to those on the front lines.

    There isn’t one right way to meet the darkness. Only many necessary ones.

    Reaching to Poetry As Another Anchor

    I too have been learning to live with this question—how to stay engaged without collapsing. Sometimes the sifted language of poetry can speak to our deeper needs and longings. This poem by Michael Dubois captures this truth beautifully and resonates deeply.

    When Things Feel Dark
    by Michael Dubois

    When things feel dark, remember what the world needs:
    More healers, more helpers, more hate exorcisers.
    More artists and poets, more parents ruled by love.
    More cycle breakers, more radical resters,
    more warriors of peace.
    More gardeners who fall deeply in love
    with the earth beneath their feet.
    More meditators, more educators,
    more people willing to use failure as a tool to learn.
    More thinkers, more thankers, forgivers and apologizers.
    More builders of bridges and homes
    with open doors and minds.

    The world needs you—
    because only the ones who see the darkness
    know the importance of turning on the light.

    An Invitation to Practice: 3 Ways to Reconnect

    In times like these, practice is an invitation to return to what is already alive in us, and to offer that wisely.

    Below are three micro-practices from my book, Return to Mindfulness, to foster inner calm, compassion, and curiosity.

    May we have the courage to notice when we’ve lost ourselves—and the skill to return.
    May we offer what is uniquely ours to give, trusting that the world needs exactly that.
    May our practice benefit us and all beings.

    Text graphic titled Three Micro-Practices for Staying in Contact with ourselves: Return, Listen, Begin.
    Purple infographic titled Inner Calm, explaining a three-step habit practice for managing vicarious trauma: Return, Listen, and Respond.
    Blue infographic explaining a compassion micro-practice to address overwhelm with steps: Return, Listen, and Begin for understanding others.
    Blue infographic titled Curiosity—Ask What, Not Why, sharing a mindfulness micro-practice to help manage emotional burnout: Begin, Return, Select.
    A graphic titled The Rhythm That Holds It All addresses key steps with buttons: Notice, Return, Listen, Begin, on a gradient background.



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