Accessing real happiness when we are struggling can feel impossibleâbut itâs also a key to our recovery, healing, and well-being.
When we are going through a difficult season personally, or we are bearing witness to the pain of others, our relationship to genuine joy or happiness can get complicated and confusing. Happiness can feel out of reach, or it can feel like a betrayal, like itâs something we donât âdeserveâ in hard times.
But strengthening our ability to notice and soak in moments of beauty, tenderness, connection, and gratitude can actually have a fortifying effect on us. It can help us build resilience and fill our empty emotional tanksâwhich can foster our own healing and make it possible for us to show up in healing ways for others.
Teacher Wendy OâLeary shares a guided practice to tune our attention to the reality that shimmers right alongside our genuine seasons of struggle.
A Meditation to Allow Genuine Happiness, Even In Hard Times
Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
Maybe, like so many, you have wondered, How can I even think about being happy when Iâm having such a hard time right now?Â
Or, How can I be happy when there is so much suffering in the world?Â
And yet, happiness is not just accessible once basic needs are met, but also essential for our well-being and resilience. We need that resilience both for ourselves when we are struggling and to support others when they are. Both can be true.Â
Things can be hard and we might also be able to touch some happiness in life. It canât be forced, so this practice is not an encouragement to push down the hard stuff. Instead, it is a very gentle invitation to also make a little space for the good as youâre able to enhance capacity and wellbeing.Â
This practice is adapted from Rick Hansenâs practice of taking in the good.Â
Letâs begin by settling into a comfortable position. If it works for you, I invite you to close your eyes.Â
Gently direct your attention to the felt experience of your body. You might feel your feet on the floor, the backs of your legs on a chair or cushion, or where your hands are touching. Direct your attention to wherever you can most easily connect with the experience of the body sitting.Â
Now, gently widen your attention to feel the sensations of the whole body sitting, including the sensations of the body breathing. The invitation here is for a wide, soft and receptive awareness of the body sitting and the body breathing.Â
If difficult emotions or thoughts arise, itâs not a problem. Thereâs no need to push them aside. Gently acknowledge their presence, maybe even saying to yourself, Oh, unpleasant thoughts or emotions. Then let them drift to the background as you focus on the foreground of the experience of the whole body as we settle in here for a minute.Â
Now, call to mind a time when you felt really happy. It could be a time you felt peaceful or calm, or maybe you felt a sense of contentment, or it could even be a joyful time. If there are a few experiences that are vying for your attention, just pick one for our practice together. Thereâs no right or wrong choice here.Â
Notice where you are during that experience and who youâre with. Look around and notice what else you see as you remember this experience. You might notice what sounds you hear. Were there any tastes or smells? Just be curious. And what about physical sensations, like the sun on the skin or the feet in sand or even movement, like the body rocking or dancing? Just notice any physical sensations connected to this experience. Take it in with all your senses.Â
Now, let go of the specific experience and just check out for yourself. How does my body feel when youâre happy, peaceful, content or joyful? Whatâs that like in the body? Whatâs that like in the mind? Whatâs like in your heart? You could even say to yourself, Oh, happy is like this.Â
Imagine letting that feeling expand throughout your body. Basking in the experience of happy, letting that grow and expand. You might even say to yourself, This feeling is worth keeping to help your brain remember and access this feeling more easily. Oh, happy is like this and this is worth keeping. Bask in the experience, growing the experience and reminding yourself that itâs worth keeping. Happy feels like this.Â
Remember that happiness isnât in that specific experience you remembered. Itâs in you, and it is accessible. You just have to take a moment to call it up and lean into the felt sense of happiness. Happiness is like this.Â
Before we close, letâs offer some well wishes. May we and all beings be safe. May we and all beings be healthy in body, mind, and heart. May we and all beings be happy, truly happy, peaceful, content, and free. May our practice be of benefit to all beings.Â
As you go through your day, you could set an intention to notice the little moments of happiness, peace, and connection. Stop for at least three breaths to take them in, noticing them with all your senses. Notice how the body feels when experiencing happiness and invite that felt sense of happiness to stick around and even expand in the body, mind and heart.Â
If youâre feeling restless before bed or in the middle of the night, try this extended practice to soothe racing thoughts and ease tension in the body.
There are so many reasons why we might struggle to get to sleep and stay asleep. Work or relationship stress, health concerns, hormonal changes, the state of the worldâthereâs plenty to keep us awake at night.
Here, Mark Bertin offers a soothing sleep practice to help soften our restlessness, using the breath as a calming anchor to gently allow our busy minds and tense bodies to rest.
This is a great go-to practice to keep as part of your regular sleep routine, or whenever you need support to settle mind and body. The more you do it, the more it will signal to your brain and body that itâs time for rest.
A Meditation to Settle Mind and Body for Sleep
Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
Find a comfortable posture, typically lying on your back. Allow your arms and legs to fall gently to the side. If this posture isnât comfortable for you, then find another posture youâll be able to relax into over the course of this meditation.Â
Keep your eyes open if you like, or allow them to lightly close. Begin the practice by taking a few deeper breaths and focusing as best as youâre able on that physical sensation your body makes with each breath, noting perhaps the rising and falling of your belly and chest. Perhaps a movement of the back of your body against whatever surface youâre lying on.Â
Let go of any sense that youâre trying to make anything specific happen. We canât force ourselves to relax any more than we can force ourselves to sleep. But using that sense of physical movement that your body makes with each breath as a place to lightly anchor your awareness and attention.Â
Your mind may stay busy for now, and thatâs normal. With a sense of gentleness and care, each time you notice your mind caught up in an emotional state or some pattern of thinking, simply come back with that sense of gentleness. You can say: I am aware Iâm breathing in and aware I am breathing out.Â
Weâll begin a guided body scan in which weâll be paying attention to different parts of our body, both as a way to bring our mind back from its thinking and the places it wanders and also as an opportunity to relax our body physically.Â
Start by bringing your awareness to your feet. You might notice touch or temperature. If youâre covered by a blanket, you might notice the sensation of the blanket draped over your feet and. For the next few minutes, when your mind wanders, bring your awareness back to your feet and let go a little bit of any tension or tightness you notice in your feet. No need to do anything with them, no need to move them around.Â
Notice any sense that youâre getting wound up a little bit, that you are caught up in the need for sleep or wanting things to be different than they are. So make that sense of care and letting go part of this practice, too. You canât force that away, but noticing itâs part of the experience now and returning again to the sensation of your feet wherever theyâre lying right now.Â
Next, move your awareness from your feet up into your lower legs. Relax them if you notice anything tight or uncomfortable. Stay patient with yourself as best as youâre able.Â
Next, move attention into your knees and your upper legs. Notice where your thoughts go or where your awareness wanders. Come back as many times as you need.Â
Next, move your awareness through your pelvis and your buttocks. Up into your lower back. Noticing the pressure against the bed or wherever youâre lying. Maybe thereâs a sense of movement with each breath.Â
If at any point, because of discomfort or anything else, you feel like you need to make a little physical adjustment, thatâs normal and thatâs okay too. Maybe settling and observing for a few breaths, and then with a sense of intention, make whatever adjustment you need to make next.Â
Now, move your awareness into your upper backâaplace many of us hold a lot of tension and tightness. Respect that and pay attention to it, while also letting go and relaxing whatever you find available right now. Stay patient with your mind for staying busy and come back to your body as many times as you need.Â
Next, move your awareness to your belly. Note if you like the gentle rising and falling of your belly with each breath. Note any other physical sensations that might be happening now in this part of your body. Often in the belly, we also encounter some reflection of our emotional state. Note that and let go a little bit if you canânot forcing it away, but recognizing it and releasing a little bit if youâre able to do that right now.Â
Now, shift your awareness into your chest. Keep using that same perspective of observing patience. Note the movement as your body breathes. Note any reflection of your emotional state in this moment. And then without forcing anything, see if you can sustain that awareness and let go a little bit around it. Ease up if thereâs a sense of tightness or tension there.Â
What if that becomes difficult? Thatâs okay. Simply come back to that physical movement of your body with each breath.Â
Now, move your awareness into your hands. Relax your hands. Ease all the muscles of your palms and the back of your hands and your fingers and let go.Â
When youâre ready, transition to your forearms. Then your upper arms and your shoulders with that same sense of awareness and letting go. Then your shoulders and relaxing your shoulders. Your neck and relaxing your neck. And then noticing your facial expression and the muscles of your face. And relaxing your facial expression as much as youâre able. And then the entirety of your head.Â
Now, expand your awareness for a few moments to the entirety of your body. Use your breath as an anchor, if that open awareness is too distracting. Thereâs nothing special to do right now, except as best as youâre able, noticing the state of your mind and returning to your body.Â
As we continue this practice with a sense of open awareness, it might be helpful to add a short mental phrase, such as I am aware Iâm breathing in and aware I am breathing out. Allow your body and mind to settle into this space, not wrestling with thoughts or emotions, but perhaps engaging with them a little more gently, noticing them and coming back again to the breath as many times as you need.Â
Continue now, as long as you need, with this sense of body awareness and letting go, allowing things to be. There will be no ending bell. Simply let yourself drift now, into a healthy nightâs sleep.
If you find you often react without thinking, explore this practice to respond with greater awareness.
Daily life is full of irritations: moments of inconvenience, situations where we donât get what we were hoping for, delays, disappointments, prickly interactions that can leave us confused and exasperated.
If weâre honest, we can probably admit that sometimes our reactions in those moments tend to be reflexive rather than intentional. We feel our anger or annoyance rise, and we react almost as though weâre reading a script.
Can we explore these habitual reactions in a way that gives us enough space to respond differently? In todayâs practice, teacher Patricia Rockman guides us through a meditation to help us meet whatever is arising, so that we have more agency when the next moment arises.
This meditation is about working with habits. In particular, our habitual reactions to difficult situations that commonly arise. These could be anger at being stuck in traffic, sadness at not getting what you want, or frustration when dealing with companies that keep you on hold for what feels like eternity. Whatever it may be, whether it is something significant or something that might seem mundane, mindfulness practices can help us deal with our habitual reactivity in more skillful ways.
A Meditation to (Gently) Interrupt Habitual Reactions
Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
Get into a comfortable posture, one that is familiar to you and that you use when engaging in a practice, and bring attention to your body. If you are sitting, bring attention to your points of contact; where your sitting bones are on your chair or cushion, or where your feet or legs are in contact with the surface.
Bring attention to where your hands are in relation to your body, whether they are resting on your thighs or folded in your lap. Bring attention to your chest rising, your chin in line with your navel, and your tongue at rest behind your teeth. If you are choosing to lie down for this practice, it is preferable for you to lie on your back.
Bring attention to your body as it makes contact with the mat, floor, or bed. Note your points of contact, and also note where your body is not in contact. Whatever your position, allow the surface that you are lying or sitting on to take on the work of holding you up. Bring attention to the front body and the back body, and everything in between.Â
Now shift your attention to the sensations of breathing where they are most readily available, whether at the nostril, the chest, or the abdomen. Really hone in on the sensations of the breath as they make themselves known to you, picking one place and resting your attention there.
Attend to the in-breath and the out-breath. Attend to the movement of the body as the air moves in and out. Attend to the nostrils; you may be noticing the coolness of the air as it goes in, and the warmth as it moves out. Attend to the breath or the chest, focusing on the expansion of the body with the in-breath, and the deflation of the body as the breath leaves.Â
Allow the body to settle. Allow the breath to settle. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Each breath is a new breath. Each breath is a receiving and a releasing.Â
You will notice from time to time that your attention will move into thinking, into the future, past, planning, anxiety, or daydreaming. Your task is simply to notice this habitual tendency of mind, and gently return to your breath over and over again, without judgment and without a story. There is no right or wrong here, there is simply attending to your breath, noting when your attention moves, and bringing it back again.
Notice when the breath is low, and when the breath is short. Notice when it is shallow, and when it is deep. Mindfulness is about coming to know our experience in its entirety, whether wanted or unwanted, and in this case it is coming to know the experience of breathing.
Breathe out and let go of this primary focus on the breath, and allow it to be present but in the background. On an in-breath, establish attention in your entire body. Bring an open receptivity to experience and to sensations in the body as they come and go. Note their arrival, persistence, or passing, and explore these. Bring a friendly interest and curiosity to this investigation of the sensorial nature of experience, whatever it is.Â
Notice how your body feels. There may be ease, tension, relaxation, discomfort, or pain in a part of your body. Whatever it is, when a sensation calls out for attention, investigate it and explore its depth and various qualities. Whether you lean into it or lean away, whether it is pleasant, unpleasant, or even neutral, without changing anything in this moment, simply attend to what is arising in your body as it shows.Â
Attend to what is arising as best as you can and without judging it, but notice judgment or aversion if they do arise. As best as you can, explore the sensation as it is, without judgment. Â
Investigate sensations as they arise. Once you are finished investigating one sensation, wait for another to arise and investigate that one. Remember that a sensation may be internal or external. Perhaps sounds are making themselves known as they come and go. Get to know your bodily sensations, in your body, in this moment.Â
Note when your attention moves into thinking, or you feel an impulse to act or shift position. Acknowledge that this is what is here right now. Turn your attention back to your body, over and over again. Explore one sensation, let go of it, and then bring your attention into another as it enters your awareness.Â
Now, if you want to, bring to mind a manageable stressful situation. Maybe itâs a recent time when you were irritated, sad, confused, or anxious. Perhaps it was a situation in a relationship or at work. Bringing to mind this situation, remember that if what comes up is at all overwhelming for you, feel free at any time to turn your attention back to breathing with your body.
If your eyes are closed, open them. Consider a stressor and note what arises immediately. It could be a bodily sensation, a thought, or an emotion. Perhaps there is a behavior or an impulse to act. Start to get to know your stress reactivity signatures.
If there are thoughts, observe them as best as you can. If there are emotions, try naming them, such as âsadnessâ, or âanxietyâ. Remember that labeling emotions helps to settle them and make them more manageable. Labeling emotions creates an opportunity to give you a choice about what happens next.Â
If there are body sensations, make a note of these, and actually turn your attention to them. Explore them even if theyâre unwanted. Get to know them. Stay with them for as long as they are holding your attention. Note whether they increase, persist, or fade. Recognize that this is a moment of stress, and that itâs ok; itâs already here. Bring a compassionate and kind holding to this experience. Be with it as it is, even though it may be unwanted. Explore your body and the sensations for as long as theyâre here.Â
Now, shift your attention back to the sensations of breathing, perhaps in your belly. If there are any remaining sensations, hold attention at the same time. Engaging in the option, should you choose, to expand into these on the in-breath, softening, expanding, and releasing on the out-breath, letting go, or allowing and letting be, if this is possible. If this is not necessary, then simply bring attention to the belly and the rising and falling of the breath that comes and goes.Â
Expand around the breath to the entire body once again, to any and all sensations. Be with the body, with your breathing in the background and sensations in the foreground, from head to toe. Bringing a feeling of spaciousness to your experience; be open and receptive, with an open front and strong back.Â
When youâre ready, let go of this practice, and if possible bring a more expanded and spacious awareness to your next moments.
Now, if you feel inclined, take a paper and pen and write down any words, thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and impulses to act that came to mind. Write down what came up for you in that practice when you introduced the stressor. Name the emotions, and listing them. What bodily sensations and what impulses to act or behaviors, if any, went through your mind? These components of experience may show themselves in a variety of ways, moving from thoughts, to emotions, to bodily sensations, to behaviors, and back to emotions and thoughts, and thatâs OK. Record these as they show up to you.
Once youâve finished, take a moment to look at what youâve written and think about where in your habitual reaction you might intervene with mindfulness. How might you bring awareness to these habitual reactions when they arrive, to provide more choice if this is needed, or to introduce other options about how to respond? How might you stop yourself, to be able to take a step back and gain perspective?
Bring Mindful Attention to Habitual Reactions
Perhaps make a commitment to yourself about how you might practice with this in some small way when difficulty arises. Perhaps once a week or once a day, simply bring mindful attention to an experience, or bring the breath your mind when difficulty shows, or shift an attitude, or engage in a different behavior.
Whatever you may do, remember that awareness is always a moment away, and mindfulness is portable it can be with us wherever we are, in any moment, at any time.
Unchecked stress may lead to overwhelm, unhelpful coping, and burnout. When you learn to recognize the warning signs, you can take wise action to manage your stressâwith a little kind attention, and a lot of self-compassion. Read MoreÂ
So, what does care look like in the presence of difficulty? I think we can safely say that we all care, but are we caring about the right things? These are the words of Hafiz, a poet from antiquity: âMy dear, is it true that your mind is sometimes like a battering ram, running all through the city, shouting so madly inside and out about the 10,000 things that do not matter?â
I think we all have moments in our lives that wake us up to what matters most. I have one: when my son Valentino was about a month old, I had to rush him to the hospital. Itâs there that we learned he needed emergency surgery. It wasnât even me running into that hospital with himâit was every parent who ever carried their sick child or sick baby. Itâs easy to forget in those moments that what weâre actually doing is learning something about this human condition.Â
SoâŚwhat does it even mean to live with an âundefended heartâ? How do we train the heart to relax so we can learn about this phenomenon of being human? And how do we make it less about our individual pain, but connect instead to THE pain, and all the beings who share this condition with me? Because thatâs when weâre able to allow the most caring part of ourselves to come forward.Â
Itâs not easy, though. We have to keep an eye out for where we get stuck and bring compassion to that very place, to that VERY experience. Really loving means having to surrender a part of ourselves. The practice of compassion, then, is waking up to all the barriers we put up between ourselves and love.Â
Seeing where weâre hooked or locked up is important because thereâs no chance of freedom if we canât first recognize where weâre stuck. And if we canât differentiate between an unskilful response and a skilful one, weâre sure to remain in our unconscious patterns. Tara Brach puts it this way, âEach time you meet an old emotional pattern with presence, youâre awakening to truth can deepen. Thereâs less identification with the self in the story and more ability to rest in the awareness thatâs witnessing whatâs happening. You become more able to abide in compassion, to remember and trust your true home rather than cycling repetitively through old conditioning. You are actually spiralling toward freedom.â
As we open to whatâs difficult, we will also open to understanding. Last week we talked about the ability to stay with the sensations in the body and not the mindâs story about whatâs happened or is happening. We can usually bear the sensations. Itâs the stories that overwhelm us. Itâs the story that weâre always going to feel like this; that weâve always felt like this; that whatever is happening is the only thing happening.Â
With this practice we can learn how to direct awareness in a very specific wayâparticularly with regards to the heartâs relationship to pain. We may not be able to save the world, but we do have to find a way to respond, to hold our experience of the world. Knowing in our hearts that we are not separate from this world is an important first step. Because, as we allow ourselves to be touched, we encounter the courage of the undefended heart. And our willingness to touch, to be moved, to hang out in this realm can bring a kind of beauty to the hard stuff of life.
A Meditation to Nourish an Undefended Heart
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Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
1. Find a position thatâs comfortable, steering your awareness inward. Let go of any demands you may sense in this moment; just let them fall away.
2. Check in on your heart and your belly. As you do, letâs set an intention to meet whatever arises with as much gentleness and acceptance as possible.
3. Bring to mind someone youâre familiar with. Letâs make it a person we see regularly, perhaps at the grocery store or in our neighborhood. What weâre doing is expanding our circle of care out to those we feel neutral about (so no big feelings either way). Picture them in your mind, knowing that they, too, have their own difficulties. They too know pain, struggle.
4. Now letâs offer them the same care that we wished for ourselves last week. I care about your difficulties. May you be held in compassion. May your heart be at peace.
5. Bring to mind all the different people you regularly cross paths with. Offer them the same phrases we offered ourselves: I care about your difficulties. May you be held in compassion. May your heart be at peace.
6. As we close this practice, notice if there are any ways in which youâre judging yourself. Are you telling yourself that youâre not doing this well enough, or expecting something else to happen? No need for judgment here. We all just get to set our intention and care about what arises.Â
Over the course of the next week, allow yourself to see where compassion naturally arises and where it may need a little bit of help to flourish.
Vinny Ferraro has been a practitioner of insight meditation (vipassanÄ) since the early 1990s. He is a co-Founder of the Dharma Punx and co-Guiding Teacher of Against the Stream Buddhist Meditation Society. He is also a nationally recognized leader in designing and implementing interventions for at-risk adolescents and is currently Senior Trainer for Mindful Schools. In 1987, he began leading groups in drug rehabilitation centers, juvenile halls, and halfway houses. In 2001, he began teaching for Challenge Day, a nationally recognized, social & emotional learning program, eventually becoming their Director of Training and leading workshops for over 110,000 youth on four continents. Vinny is also a board member and former Training Director of the Mind Body Awareness Project and is the principal author of MBAâs mindfulness-based curriculum for incarcerated youth. Vinny has received national media coverage for his work with adults and youth; his work is the subject of the MTV series âIf You Really Knew MeâŚâ
Explore this loving-kindness practice variation to cultivate more ease and openness within the moment-to-moment unfolding of life.
One of the hardest parts of life for me, and I think for everyone I know, is that itâs always changingâand sometimes in unpleasant, unpredictable, and unplanned ways. And when changes happen like this, things that we donât want to happenâsomeone we love dies or we have a breakup or a divorce, maybe an injury or an illness of ourselves or others, or even getting firedâthen we struggle not only from the pain of this loss, but from the unexpected nature of it. Part of the reason for this upset is because so little is in our control.Â
One of the hardest parts of life for me, and I think for everyone I know, is that itâs always changingâand sometimes in unpleasant, unpredictable, and unplanned ways.
Everything is impermanent. Itâs always changing, coming together and falling apart. And itâs frustrating to not be able to make things go our way. But paradoxically, when we can accept that everything is not up to us, and we stop trying to control what we canât change or trying to predict what we canât predict, then we can feel a lot more at ease and more open to the moment-to-moment unfolding of our lives. By accepting change, we can bring kindness to our experience, even if itâs painful and sad at times, and we can feel more at peace with changes in life.Â
Key Summary
Benefits of Acceptance:
Reduces suffering caused by resistance to inevitable change
Builds resilience for navigating life transitions
Develops psychological flexibility
Creates space for new possibilities to emerge
Key Principles:
Distinguishing between acceptance and resignation
Working with impermanence as a natural law
Cultivating an open attitude toward uncertainty
Practicing letting go as an active, compassionate choice
Application: Particularly helpful during major life transitions, loss, relationship changes, and when facing situations beyond our control.
Guided Meditation: Let Go and Accept Change
First, find a place where you can just sit down and be still. Turn off your devices, close your eyes, and just take a few breaths. Noticing your feet, your seat, your belly. Bringing your attention to your forehead, your cheeks, your jaw, allowing sound to enter your ears, allowing taste to enter your mouth.Â
Put your hand on your belly. Just notice how you feel your belly inflates as you inhale and how it contracts when you exhale.Â
Call to mind someone you know whoâs struggling right now. You could maybe imagine that theyâre here with you, visualize them, or just have a sense of their presence. If you like, put your hand on your heart and silently offer them this phrase: May you be at peace with the changes in life. May you be at peace with the changes in life. May you be at peace with the changes in life. Continuing silently repeating this, as though youâre giving a gift to this struggling being.Â
Notice: Where is your attention? If youâve lost the connection with this struggling being, reconnect, begin again. May you be at peace with the changes in life.Â
Let go of this connection with this other being. Noticing your feet, feeling your seat, relaxing your shoulder blades, bringing your attention to your breath, to the light entering through your eyelids.Â
Next, put your hand on your heart and connect with yourself. You can imagine that youâre looking in the mirror, imagine yourself as a child, or just connect with your beautiful presence. Give yourself the same wisdom: May I be at peace with the changes in life. And continue here just for a minute or two, giving yourself this compassion and wisdom.Â
Notice where your attention is. If youâve lost your connection to yourself, and gently come back, reconnecting. May I be at peace with the changes in life. Just for one more minute, giving yourself this kindness. May I be at peace with the changes in life.Â
Keep this connection with yourself, and now include that first being and perhaps everyone that you know and love. May we be at peace with the changes in life. May we be at peace with the changes in life.Â
Expand the phrase to include all of the beings. All of the living creatures in this ecosystem we call Earth. All of us struggle with change, with loss, with impermanence. Giving your wisdom and your kindness and your good heart to all of us, including yourself. May we all be at peace with the changes in life. May everyone be at peace with the changes in life.Â
When youâre ready, conclude your meditation. You can close your practice by thanking yourself for your good intention, for your beautiful heart, for these joyful efforts.Â
Remember that you can practice in this way whenever you need to. Stop, feel your feet, put your hand on your heart, and say to yourself, May I be at peace with the changes in life. If youâre struggling with an unexpected loss, be sure to be patient and kind with yourself, and check in with your good heart as often as possible.Â
By drawing our attention to endings and our developed habits about the way we meet endings, we can learn how to step fully into our lives with appreciation and gratitude, says Frank Ostaseski. Read MoreÂ
If youâre burned out, discouraged, and disconnected by all the struggle and suffering in the world, youâre not alone. In times of intense upheaval, mindfulness practice can feel impossible. Try this simple, grounding meditation to pause, reconnect with compassion and clarity, and return to yourself.
Many of us are bearing witness daily to suffering all over the planet. We care about others, and we want desperately to be of useâand seeing the horrors in images and videos and stories every day can be deeply dysregulating to our nervous systems.Â
When we get overwhelmed by this vicarious trauma, we tend to shut down. We disconnect for ourselves and each other. Weâre so spun out in our anxiety, anger, or overwhelm that it can feel impossible to engage in any kind of mindfulness or meditation practice.Â
This week, Shalini Bahl offers tender and practical guidance for how to pause, reconnect, and return to ourselves and our essential practice in times of intense internal and external upheaval.Â
A Meditation to Return to Ourselves When Practicing Feels Impossible
Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
Welcome and thank you for being here, for caring enough to practice despite the gazillion things you could be doing with your time. The world needs people right now who can stay grounded while engaging with the suffering weâre all witnessing with open hearts and minds, people who can act from wisdom rather than overwhelm. People who havenât lost themselves in the chaos. But we do lose ourselves, all of us.Â
When we bear witness to crisis after crisis after crisis, our nervous systems dysregulate. We lose contact with our wisdom, our intentions, our sense of whatâs actually ours to do. This practice helps us return.Â
Weâll move through three pathways to return home to ourselves. First, inner calm, where you return to clarity and agency. Then compassion, where we are going to reconnect with our humanity and others. And finally curiosity, where you discover whatâs actually yours to do, whatâs possible for you to do. If you find one pathway calling to you more than others, feel free to linger there longer. Trust what you most need. So ready to begin?Â
Come to a posture that feels supported, lying down or seated. Feel the elongation along the back of your spine and neck. Roll your shoulders up, back and down. When you feel ready, lower or close your eyes.Â
From this place of presence letâs begin by taking three intentional breaths. Breathe in through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth. If you like, you can make a sighing sound as you exhale.Â
Now return to your natural rhythm of the breath. Invite your mind to be here with your body, with your breath, resting in your awareness of the direct sensations of breathing in the region of your heart. Settle your attention in that one place in your body, in the region of your heart as you breathe in, perhaps noticing the space thatâs created in your chest. And as you exhale the relaxation, letting go just for these few minutes letting go of any rushing, any expectations or judgments.Â
If you like, place one or both hands on your chest. Especially on days where our minds are busy, we feel fragmented. Placing one or both hands on the chest can really relieve the nervous system. Sense the warmth or coolness of your hands. The rising and falling of your chest under your hands, making contact with your body, sensing the beating heart.Â
Give your full care and attention to every inhale, to every exhale and resting in the pauses in between. Notice that space when your in-breath turns to an out-breath. And a slight pause before a new breath enters the body.Â
From time to time, your mind may wander away, and thatâs natural. As soon as you notice that, with kindness invite your mind to return to this place of rest and awareness in the region of your heart. Connect with your direct experience of breathing, just the way you are. And notice if thereâs any striving here, letting go of any effort to even meditate as the breath moves itself and your awareness. All youâre doing is returning to your awareness of this breath moving effortlessly in and out of your body.Â
Just for these few moments, allow yourself to rest. To replenish yourself, to feel resourced. And once your mind and body feel stabilized, listening within, ask yourself: What would support you in feeling rested, resourced? What would care for yourself look like in this moment? It might be as simple as turning towards yourself with kindness, appreciating the goodness of your heart and mind. Taking this time to listen within what you need more of, more rest, more movement, connection. Let yourself be held by your own loving kindness.Â
From this innate capacity for goodness, for compassion, gently note who you might have hardened against today. You donât need to start with the hardest person, the one whose actions feel unforgivable. Start with someone easier. Maybe someone who said something online that rubbed you the wrong way. Maybe someone doesnât understand or see you. Maybe a family member, a colleague, a stranger. Or maybe yourself. With kindness, simply notice the hardness. Thereâs no need to change it or fix it. Just feel the way it lives in your body, in your chest or belly, your throat. Breathe in to make space for it, to make space around it.Â
Recognize this hardness, its protection. Youâve seen unbearable things. Youâve been hurt. The hardness makes sense. And itâs also disconnection. Disconnection from our relational intelligence, from our capacity to see our shared humanity. And if itâs helpful gently invite this question: What if you had grown up in their circumstances? What if youâd received the same information, the same upbringing, the same experiences? Who would you be? Can you soften just a little when you consider this? That weâre all shaped by causes and conditions, often beyond our control. You may not agree with them or even condone what theyâre doing. Can you consider saying this person has suffered just like me? This person also wants to be happy just like me?Â
Using your breath as an anchor to stay connected with yourself and with your good heartâcan you feel that invisible thread connecting you? Youâre both breathing the same air, drinking the same water. Living on this one planet we all call home.Â
Take a few moments to listen within. What shifts when we touch this shared humanity?Â
From this place of connection with yourself and our shared humanity, letâs explore whatâs important to you, whatâs possible, and whatâs yours to do. So return to our open awareness. Whatâs most important to you in this moment? Take this time to reconnect with your deepest intentions and values. You might ask questions like: What am I not seeing? What might your body be trying to tell you that your mind is missing?Â
Without trying to find something special or seeking answers, just staying connected with your body. Trust your inner knowing as you consider the possibilities for actions you can take that are aligned with your intentions, with your unique gifts, with your values. What if thereâs something you havenât tried yet? Some approach you havenât considered or some alliance you havenât imagined? Open your mind and heart to new possibilities. Even if you donât receive specific answers right now, just hold that question, being willing to love the unanswered question and being willing to live the question.Â
From this place of open curiosity, willing to see what youâve been missing, ask whatâs actually possible here. Not what youâve always done, not what everyone is doing or telling you to do but what is yours to do and what would actually help If you need more clarity. Try journaling, being in nature and any other activity that supports you in returning to yourself to feel connected, alive, present with the gift of this life at this time on this planet Earth.Â
Even as we end this practice, remember that you can come back anytime. Every time you notice youâre lost in the scroll, in the rage and the numbness, you can return to your inner calm, your compassion, and your innate capacity for keeping an open and curious mind. This is where clarity, humanity, and creativity live.Â
Thank you for your practice. May our practice together benefit us and benefit all beings.
Feeling overwhelmed can be so uncomfortable that we often want to rush to make it go away. Hereâs a practice to slow down, meet yourself, tap into your agency, and connect with clarity.
We often treat experiences like restlessness, uncertainty, or the overwhelm of difficult emotions as a problem to be solved. And of course, itâs normal to want relief. So how can you tap into your agency, even when things are swirling around you and youâre not sure how to move forward?
Today, teacher Chery Vigder Brause leads a guided practice thatâs centered around meeting ourselves exactly where we are. In that pause, where we encounter ourselves without trying to fix anything, even if just for a moment, we actually create a space where we can get clarity on how to respond to ourselves, others, and the world.
Cheryl Vigder Brause is a nationally recognized mindfulness and meditation teacher, writer and speaker, specializing in leading corporate clients, schools, and individuals across the country in programs and meditations on stress management, boosting happiness, and living their best lives. She is the Co-Founder of Pause to be Present, a mindfulness and meditation studio. To learn more about Pause to be Presentâs programs, visit www.pausetobepresent.com.
A Meditation to Tap Into Your Agency When Things Are Chaotic & Uncertain
Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
Today we will exercise our power to pause, to take a breath, to down-regulate our nervous system, and to choose how we want to meet this moment. Letâs begin. I invite you to gently arrive in this moment, where so often busy going, doing, and moving, trying to get somewhere else, instead of arriving exactly where we are.Â
Arrive fully in this moment. Find a comfortable posture or position with your body. You can be seated or lying down for this meditation. Get comfortable. Feel free to move a bit until you can settle the body into a comfortable and supported posture. If youâd like, you can gently close your eyes or simply lower your gaze.Â
Take a slow, deep breath, breathing in through the nose. And a long steady exhale through the mouth. Notice how that feels. Notice how it feels to simply stop all that forward momentum and simply allow yourself to fully arrive in this moment. Again, take a nice slow breath in, feeling that air fill your lungs and torso. And then slowly and fully exhale. Feeling the release of air and the release of tension in the body. One more slow, deep breath together, breathing in fully, and breathing out.Â
Remind yourself that in this moment and in this meditation, there is nothing you need to do right now. Thereâs no way you have to be in this moment and nothing you need to fix or change or accomplish.Â
I invite you to simply pause to be. Rest in the fullness of this moment just as you are. Notice how that feels to simply be here. Give yourself permission to simply be present.Â
Notice whatâs here for you. Are there sounds around you? If so, simply notice them. Can you feel a coolness or a warmth of the air on your skin? Can you notice the contact your body is making with the ground beneath you? Can you notice what is beneath you supporting you? Can you let yourself be supported?Â
Now, take a moment to relax the body. Sink into the ground beneath you. Notice if there are any places of tension or tightness in your body. We often hold our stress as tension in the body, in our muscles and our back and neck and face. Become aware of your own body and where you may be holding tension, what feels tight or constricted.Â
This is another moment of choice: the power of the pause to simply become aware of how youâre showing up in this moment and then choosing how to be in this movement. Are there areas of tension in the body? And if so, can you breathe into those areas? And as you exhale, can you invite in ease? Can you let go of tension? With each inhale, create spaciousness and openness in any areas of tension or tightness. And with each exhale, a letting go.Â
Often in our busy modern lives, weâre stressed, anxious, tense, or nervous. Another choice we can make each day is to exercise our own ability to pause, to connect inward, and to regulate our own nervous systems. In fact, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself to improve your wellbeing and health is a regulated nervous system. It not only boosts health, but it aids sleep and digestion, can improve focus and clarity, and can help you make wise choices in navigating life.Â
Take another moment to check in. How do you feel? What is your emotional landscape right now? You may feel tired, you may feel excited or nervous or anxious or at ease. Simply notice whatever is happening in your inner experience in this moment.Â
Gently bring your attention back to the feel of the breath in the body. Notice where you feel that breath moving in and out. Notice how you can sit and receive the breath. Perhaps you feel your breath in the rise and fall of your chest, or the movement of the belly, or the air passing in and out of your nostrils. Just notice where you feel that breath and just focus your attention there for a few moments. Thereâs no need to change the breath. Just allow its natural and easy rhythm to move in and out of your body. With each inhale, feel the spaciousness in the torso. With each exhale, imagine the body receiving the message, Itâs okay to soften. Itâs safe to slow down. You might silently say to yourself, as you breathe in, I calm the body. And as you breathe out, I soften and release. Breathing in, I calm my body. Breathing out, I soften and release.Â
Take a few more slow, deep breaths. With each inhale, create space and openness in the body. With each exhale, thereâs an opportunity to relax, to release, to let go.Â
Your mind will wander, and thatâs okay. This is a moment of mindfulness, a moment of choice. You are noticing that your mind has gone and been distracted, and you are cultivating the power to place your attention where you want it. Gently bring that attention back to your breath without judgment, without criticism and with a gentleness. Each noticing that the mind has wondered is not a failure, itâs a moment of mindfulness, a moment of care, of choice, a moment of gentleness with yourself, an opportunity to exercise that mental power to place your attention where you want it. Itâs a beautiful reminder that every moment is an opportunity to begin again.Â
Now gently bring your awareness to your whole body. Notice how it feels to sit. See if in the next few moments, you can make the choice to let go of any need to change anything. To let go of any reflexive criticism, of any notion youâre doing this wrong. See if you can hold yourself with gratitude for simply showing up for this meditation with an open heart and an open mind. Notice how that feels. Whatever you experience, see if you can choose to meet your experience and yourself with kindness. This is another choice we have.Â
Try this phrase: What if itâs not a problem? What if Iâm experiencing discomfort in this moment? And what if itâs not a problem? What if my mind is busy in this movement? And what itâs not a problem. What if iâm feeling restless in this moments? And what is itâs is not a problems? This is a choice we can make each day. Seeing lifeâs challenges not as a problem to fix or a signal that something is wrong, but instead choosing to meet our experience with curiosity and as an opportunity to learn and grow and navigate whatâs happening in this moment with more ease, less resistance.Â
If you like, place a hand on the heart. Feel the warmth of your own touch, and silently offer yourself these few gentle phrases, allowing them to and in the mind and heart. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I meet myself with tenderness just as I am. May I know that in each moment I have the power to pause and to choose how to meet myself, how to meet others and how to meet this world with care and tenderness.Â
Letâs take a breath together, a nice inhale, breathing in. And a beautiful exhale, breathing out. Begin to sense the whole body grounded, supported at ease.Â
As we come toward the close of this meditation, reflect for a moment on the idea that this moment and every moment you can practice mindfulness, awareness, and choice. Every moment is a fresh opportunity to practice, a new beginning. As this new year begins, know that you can return to this place of presence, tenderness, beingness and choice again and again.Â
When youâre ready, slowly bring your awareness back to the room youâre in. You can wiggle your fingers and toes. And when it feels right, I invite you to softly raise up your gaze or open your eyes. Thank you so much for practicing with me.Â
This classic loving-kindness meditation can help you to awaken to how connected we all are. You donât have to like everybody, or agree with everything they doâbut you can open up to the possibility of caring for them, because our lives are inextricably linked.
This classic loving-kindness meditation can help you to awaken to how connected we all are. You donât have to like everybody, or agree with everything they doâbut you can open up to the possibility of caring for them, because our lives are inextricably linked.
A Meditation to Connect With Loving-Kindness (Even When Itâs Hard)
Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
1. Begin by thinking about someone who has helped you; maybe theyâve been directly generous or kind, or have inspired you though youâve never met them. When you think of them, they make you smile. Bring an image of the person to mind, or feel their presence as if theyâre right in front of you. Say their name to yourself, and silently offer these phrases to them, focusing on one phrase at a time.
May you live in safety.
May you have mental happiness (peace, joy).Â
May you have physical happiness (health, freedom from pain).Â
May you live with ease.
Donât struggle to fabricate a feeling or sentiment. If your mind wanders, simply begin again.
2. After a few minutes, move on to a friend. Start with a friend whoâs doing well right now, then switch to someone who is experiencing difficulty, loss, pain, or unhappiness.
3. Offer loving-kindness to a neutral person who you donât feel a strong liking or disliking for: a cashier at the supermarket, a bank teller, a dry cleaner. When you offer loving-kindness to a neutral person, you are offering it to them simply because they existâyou are not indebted to or challenged by them.
4. Offer loving-kindness toward a person with whom you have difficulty. Start with someone mildly difficult, and slowly work toward someone who has hurt you more grievously. Itâs common to feel resentment and anger, and itâs important not to judge yourself for that. Rather, recognize that anger burns within your heart and causes suffering, so out of the greatest respect and compassion for yourself, practice letting go and offering loving-kindness.
5. Finish by offering loving-kindness to anyone who comes to mind: people, animals, those you like, those you donât, in an adventurous expansion of your own power of kindness.
Loving-kindness offers us a profound sense of connection, guiding us to live our lives with greater intention and compassion. In this online course from Mindful, Sharon Salzbergâone of the worldâs leading loving-kindness meditation teachersâoffers us her distinctive approach to loving-kindness practice. Learn more and sign up today!
Iâm delighted to offer you a series of meditations on building emotional resilience. Over the next four classes weâll explore how to mindfully practice with four really common emotions: anger, anxiety, longing, and joy. Iâll offer some practices you can use both while you meditate and also in your life, when these emotions arise. Here, weâre looking at how to connect with your anger in a way that offers insight and choices, rather than just reactivity and overwhelm.
Whatâs An Emotion?
Letâs first explore what an emotion is. This is a rich topic that has even inspired some heated debate. If you find youâre interested beyond the scope of what we talk here, I encourage you to explore the work of two psychologists: Paul Ekman, and Lisa Feldman Barrett, who wrote a recent book called How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain. The work of these two author/scientists provides a good overview of the two differing viewpoints of the current discussion around human emotion. In the meantime, Iâll be sharing what I know with you here.
I donât know about you, but I experience emotions as a combination of thoughts in my mind, plus physical or energetic sensations in my body, and the interaction between those two. When weâre meditating, we can see, via our moment-to-moment experience, that emotions are indeed made up of both mental contentâsuch as visual and auditory thoughtsâand physical sensations. And when we talk about physical sensations, letâs include all kinds: so, sensations we receive through our sense doors (seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling and touch), but also all of the physical sensations within our bodies.
I donât know about you, but I experience emotions as a combination of thoughts in my mind, plus physical or energetic sensations in my body, and the interaction between those two.
Thereâs a great deal of nuance when it comes to our emotions and our understanding of them, but physical sensations in our bodies tend to get divided into two categories: physiological (ie: digestion, breathing, temperature, the feeling of our body and the weight of gravity); and what I refer to as emotional sensations or the felt sense in our body. A couple of examples: when we talk about having butterflies in our stomach when weâre nervous or excited; or the feeling of listening to a heart-warming story, which can actually produce a physical feeling of warmth in our chest. (Try to notice that the next time it happens).
Essentially, emotions are energy moving in our body. And that energy calls us to certain kinds of actions. Our emotions also help us connect with other people, and they provide us insight into our lives and a better understanding of what we value, what we want in the world.
Emotions In the Body vs. In the Mind
In my daily life, and in my meditation practice, I find itâs more helpful to attend to the physical sensations related to emotions rather than the thinking around those emotions. I say that because thoughts happen so quickly. Itâs also so easy for us to get caught up and swept away in a storyâto forget that thinking is happening and just be caught up inside of it. Physical sensations, on the other hand, are less subtle. That makes bringing our attention to them and holding them in our attention a lot easier. Physical sensations donât move as quickly as thoughts, so we can notice them and notice how they shift and change. An added bonus: simply noticing the sensations in our body can provide us with a kind of grounding, an anchor. Itâs a great starting point in both daily life and when we meditate, and weâll explore that together here.
As we get to know our emotions, I really encourage developing an attitude of acceptance, respect and care for themâthink of it as an honouring of our emotional world. Our emotions can offer so much rich information about our lives, about what we value, what we want; they also play a vital role in our relationships, providing the foundation of our connection in communication with others. In fact, some social scientists posit that the main role of emotions in our lives is really about social interaction and connection. Itâs worth repeating: emotions deserve and are worthy of our attention, respect and care.
So together weâre going to practice skilfully connecting with and being curious about our emotions. And hereâs our aim: not to act out with regards to the emotions we feel, but also not to suppress them. Weâre going to practice just connecting with the emotion, holding it, being curious about it, with no expectation or drive to have to act it out, and not having to suppress or deny or ignore it either.
I really want to emphasize, too, that finding this middle way doesnât mean weâre aiming to be indifferent or passive about our emotions. It just means that weâre going to take the time to actually be with the emotion long enough to figure out what the skillful response isârather than get caught up in reacting to the surging energy of that emotion weâre feeling. Oftentimes we will still want to take action based on an emotion. In fact, thatâs what theyâre telling us: something has arisen that we need to act on. But what weâll do in this practice is try to nudge ourselves into territory where we can act out of connection and care rather than a buzzing desire to get rid of the feeling weâre feelingâbecause thatâs not acting, itâs reacting.
How to Connect With Your Anger Mindfully
In this first class together weâll explore anger. Weâll think about a recent situation where we may have been angry, or for the lucky ones joining this meditation, maybe youâre feeling a little anger right now? (Talk about excellent timing!)
Before we get started, letâs talk a little bit about anger. Like every emotion, anger is totally natural and actually an extremely life-affirming emotion. Angerâs fundamental role is to protect us and protect what we care about in the world. It lets us know when a limit of ours, or a boundary, has been crossed. It lets us know when our needs are not being met or when someone we care about is in danger. So anger both lets us know something about whatâs happening around us, and it energizes us to act. It rouses us to the necessary energy level to be able to respond to a threat. Itâs essentially about protecting life.
At the same time, we know that when anger is misdirected or when we act on it compulsively, it can be a truly destructive forceâfor our own physical health, our relationships, and in some instances, in the wider world. So we want to learn how to respect, honour, care for and be with our angerâand gain some insight into the most skilful response in any given situation, rather than go with the reactive response that could cause more harm.Â
The first step, then, is to recognize and respect anger. This is whatâs happening, and itâs part of the human experience. And we respect it by understanding that our anger is trying to take care of us in some way, even if itâs maladaptive for the situation. Weâre aiming to learn how to be with the anger, see whatâs really there, and then see how we want to respond. So letâs try this together.
Meditating on the Power of Anger
Watch the video:
Listen to the practice:
Read and practice the guided meditation script below, pausing after each paragraph. Or listen to the audio practice.
When youâre ready, come into a comfortable seated position. If it feels comfortable to close your eyes, please do so. Letâs take a few deeper breaths. Just allow yourself to feel the points of contact with the cushion or chair beneath you; feel your feet on the ground. Feel a sense of grounding here. Take a few longer inhales and exhales just to settle.
Now letâs bring to mind a recent situation when we felt angry. As with any practice around difficult emotions, for anger, letâs think about the angriest weâve ever been as a level 10. What weâre seeking for the purposes of this exercise, then, is a situation thatâs a three, or maybe a four. Consider something you experienced at the level of irritation or annoyance; donât choose the last time you felt, say, enraged. When was the last time you felt irritated, annoyed or frustrated, perhaps about something someone did or said? Just bring to mind that situation.
Draw an image of this past situation into your mind. Recall the words that were spoken. Remember your own thought process related to the experience. At this point, you may be feeling some sensations in your body. Letâs go deeper. Can you recall the story you told (or tell) yourself around this experience? For example: What this person did or shouldnât have done? How you were wronged? How it should have been different. Whatever it is, let that story run its course for you right now. Let it run until you begin to feel a sense of irritation or annoyance in your body.
Once you feel the irritation, weâre going to cut off the thoughts weâre having. Just cut off the storyline. This is vitally important with almost every difficult emotion. Step one: firmly direct your attention away from the story youâre telling. Next: bring your attention to your body. Really feel whatâs going on inside your body. Where do you feel the anger in your body? Maybe in your chest? Your hands? Just notice that.
Now, what else is happening in your body? Find something that feels neutral, spacious or maybe even pleasant in your body. Maybe you feel this in your feet, or your contact with the chair. Maybe youâre focused on your hands touching. Weâre simply creating some space around the anger. Notice the tip of your nose; notice your breath. If you canât find any sensations in your body that feel safe or free from anger, take a moment to listen to the sounds around you. You can even broaden your awareness to include the whole room; and even further to include sounds that are far away. Rest your attention with these sensations for a few minutes. Allow yourself to find some ease and a bit of calm.
If you find your mind wanders back to the story, the thoughts about whatâs making you angry, gently but firmly redirect your attention to the neutral sounds and neutral sensations youâve identified. Just take a few breaths here.
Once we feel a little calmer, we can explore the anger more directly again. Letâs come back to where we feel anger in our body. Explore that: Do you feel tightness in your throat? Are there any sensations in your shoulders? How about your arms? Do you detect any sensations in your belly? If you find a place, really explore the sensation: Is there a temperature to this felt sense of anger, is it hot or cold? Is it throbbing? What are the edges like? Is it shifting and changing? As you stay with the felt sense of irritation, frustration, anger, and the directly felt sensations of hot, cold, vibrating, sharpâhold all of this with a lot of care and curiosity.
Now letâs notice what other emotions might be present. Is there anything else inside or beneath the anger? Can you detect any other emotions there? Fear? Sadness? Wanting? Just notice. Is there anything the anger might be masking? Be curious. Allow this to be very somatic. Weâre not thinking about it, weâre not trying to understand it cognitively, weâre just letting the emotion reveal itself in a very direct, body-based way.
Notice if any other information arises from this anger. You could even drop in a question, such as: What does this anger need? What does it want me to know? Again, weâre just dropping the question into the felt sense in our bodies, and then seeing what arises. Are there flashes, images, words that could help you understand whatâs needed? Do you get a sense of what action you may need to take? Letâs take another few moments of holding and being with the felt sensation of the irritation. Be curious about what your anger wants you to know, perhaps about what is needed.
As we bring this practice to a close, see if you have any insights into what you could do skilfully to respond to this irritation or anger. What would truly take care of this anger or frustration? Exploring our emotion in this way, weâre better prepared to respond in a rooted and grounded way; weâre better equipped to address whatâs needed. As we finish, then, we can make a commitment to take whatever skillful action is needed. It might be something personal, such as some kind of self-care: maybe a walk, a nap, a meal. Or we might commit to having a direct and difficult conversation with someone, perhaps to ask for what you need or to set a limit. Just see if you can commit to taking one skillful action to address this situation.
When youâre ready, open your eyes if theyâve been closed and take a deep breath. Look around the room and orient yourself to your space, wherever you are.
Try to practice these skills in your daily life. If at any point you encounter in yourself feelings of anger or frustration, first: notice how youâre feeling: âOh, anger,â or âIâm irritated.â Next, find some ground: feel your feet on the ground, feel the back of your body. And then notice what is not feeling angry in that moment, too. Get some space around the anger, and really open your awareness wide to the sounds and the space around you.
I canât recommend this enough. And it can take as little as five seconds simply to connect with your feet on the ground and broaden your awareness. Then, when you feel some space and calmness around the anger, you can direct your attention back to the difficult emotion and ask that question: What is needed? What is needed right now? And then proceed from that place.
Zindel Segal explores the 3-Minute Breathing Space practice to develop your ability to ground yourself, return your attention to the present, and fully find yourself at any moment. Read MoreÂ
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