Tag: habit change

  • Shifting Habits: Three Mindful Parenting Tips You Can Try Today

    Shifting Habits: Three Mindful Parenting Tips You Can Try Today

    Susan Kaiser Greenland offers three mindful parenting tips to help kids pause and reflect so they can identify and shift habits.

    We all have habits—some of them helpful or neutral, others that persistently create problems in our lives. It’s easier for kids to change habits than grown-ups. One way to start recognising your pattern of automatic behavior is to create external signals that will automatically show up throughout the day. These three mindful parenting tips can be interrupters that provide an opportunity to pause and reflect.

    1. Create mindfulness reminders

    I have seen kids tie a string around one finger, make mindfulness bracelets of ribbons or beads, or tape a colorful sticker to their cell phones. Whenever you see them, just pause to take in what’s happening in your mind and body.

    2. Implement breathing prompts

    Suggest to your children to practice breath awareness whenever they brush their teeth or put their socks on. Breathing prompts help kids recognise just how many things they do are on automatic pilot. By interrupting automatic behavior, kids have the time and mental space to make connections between what they’re doing, what they’re thinking, and how they’re feeling.

    3. Notice funny feelings

    Kids talk about having a funny feeling in the split second just before they do something that they later wish they hadn’t done, maybe a tightening in their chests, or a sinking feeling in their stomachs. That funny feeling occurs in the “about to” moment.

    By noticing their funny feelings, kids pause before they act to ask:

    • Why am I choosing to do this?
    • How does it make me feel?
    • Is my motivation friendly or unfriendly?

    If, upon reflection, the action doesn’t feel right, they can choose to act differently.

    Photo © flickr.com/Josh Kenzer



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  • A Journaling Practice to Help You Let Go of Limiting Habits

    A Journaling Practice to Help You Let Go of Limiting Habits

    Instead of judging yourself for what you want or what you’re feeling, explore these writing prompts to help you turn toward your experience with greater understanding and self-compassion.

    Encountering the people, places, and things that activate us out in the real world can feel like too much all at once. For example, when our nervous system rehashes an old pattern of feeling unsettled or unsafe, because that’s how we felt the last time X happened, it’s difficult to take a step back from that and stay present right now. That’s one reason journaling is such a powerful tool. A mindful journaling practice provides a quiet space for us to intentionally explore what is arising, how it’s rooted in our survival strategies, and what we can give ourselves instead to meet our needs in a wise and loving way.

    Journaling Prompts: Let Go of Your Limiting Habits

    In your journal, with gentleness and over time, explore these writing prompts:

    • Where in your life does “power over” versus “power with” manifest? What is the cost?
    • What survival strategies were you indoctrinated into within your family of origin?
    • What survival strategies can you name that operate on the level of the collective? Examples of places to look: “We must win at all costs.” “We should follow the rules and play the game.” “They need to be kept in their place lest we lose ours.” “Don’t acknowledge what’s really going on, just maintain the status quo.”
    • What else can you name?
    • How do you intersect with these strategies? How do they live within you?
    • What collective judgments keep these survival strategies in place?
    • How would you describe the unmet need underneath these collective survival strategies?
    • And what do you envision would meet this need?
    • What, for you, brings about the experience of inherent belonging?
    • What might invite a direct experience of belonging for any collective you identify with? How might you bring this to form? How might it get expressed personally and/or collectively?

    Take your time with these prompts. These questions may take weeks, months, years to truly unpack. Share your observations with a friend or with a trusted group, if you would like to.

    Excerpted from the book The Heart of Who We Are: Realizing Freedom Together by Caverly Morgan. Copyright © 2022 Caverly Morgan. Reprinted with permission from the author and the publisher, Sounds True.

    Allowing the Truth to Surface 

    Caverly Morgan explains how we can use the practice of inquiry to loosen our grip on “us versus them” thinking and shift into a deeper perspective on our shared being.
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    • Caverly Morgan
    • November 29, 2022

    The Journey Toward Belonging: A Q&A with Caverly Morgan 

    Caverly Morgan felt a call to reconcile the wisdom that arose from her mindfulness practice with the systems of oppression at work in our world. In this conversation with Mindful contributing editor Stephanie Domet, she explores that reconciliation and shares what she’s learned about our inherent freedom.
    Read More 

    • Stephanie Domet
    • December 13, 2022



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  • Build Healthy Habits in the New Year With 3 Science-Backed Strategies

    Build Healthy Habits in the New Year With 3 Science-Backed Strategies

    Our habits create our lives. 

    They are the basis for most of our positive outcomes in life. They determine how often we practice mindfulness, our exercise patterns, our ability to place our full attention on our work. They bolster our capacity to interact with the people around us from a sense of compassion and full presence.

    Our habits also create most of the problems we encounter in life. They keep us stuck in self-defeating patterns like eating that full pint of ice cream, getting lost for hours on social media, or “checking out” instead of being present for the people we love.

    As you begin this New Year, it’s easy to get caught-up thinking only about goals, outcomes, and New Year’s resolutions. These are important. But we think it’s even more important to consider the underlying habits that either keep you stuck or allow you to experience profound changes.  

    How do you nourish healthy habits? Here are three proven steps:

    3 Science-Backed Strategies to Build Healthy Habits in the New Year

    Step 1: Take an Inventory of Your Current Habit System

    Edward Deming, one of America’s leading management scientists in the 20th century, declared, “Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets.” Allow that to sink in for a moment. 

    The idea here is that your current system of habits is “perfectly designed” to produce the negative, self-defeating, patterns you wish you could change. If you struggle to exercise, it’s because your current habit system is perfectly designed to keep you from working out. If you can’t find time to meditate, it’s because your current habit system is perfectly designed to prevent you from training your mind.

    Which existing habits are standing in your way? Which new habits will allow you to make the changes you would like to see?

    And that raises an important question: what results do you wish you were getting? For instance, do you want to be more mindful, less distracted? Do you want to be kinder, less agitated? Do you want to spend more time exploring the things that matter most to you, less time binge-watching shows on Netflix? These are the outcomes you want to change.

    Next, look one level deeper, at changes in habits that will help you achieve these outcomes. And this begs a second question: Which existing habits are standing in your way? Which new habits will allow you to make the changes you would like to see?

    Step 2: Build New Habits By Stacking Them on Habits You Already Have

    By now, you should have a few new habits in mind that will help you achieve the changes you’d like to make. The question then becomes: how do you build these new habits?

    In our work with high performers and executives, we’ve found that the best way to build new habits is to, in the words of habit expert James Clear, “stack” them on top of existing habits.

    For example, let’s say you want to build the habit of spending less time distracted by your phone. You could try to build this habit from scratch by saying, “I am not going to look at my phone at all in the evening.”

    Stacking this new habit on top of an existing habit is a much more effective strategy. For example, you can say: “After I walk through my front door and take off my jacket in the evening, I’m going to put my phone on Do Not Disturb mode.” This approach increases your likelihood of building the habit not only by tying it to an existing habit (taking off your coat as you walk in the door) but it also includes a specific action, which the research says is another important strategy for making habits stick. Instead, saying vaguely, “I’m going to try to look at my phone less,” it’s based on a tangible action, “switching my phone to Do Not Disturb.”

    The path to changing your life is more about the process of building the habit than the specific habit itself.

    There are numerous ways to enact this strategy in everyday life.  You could use your walk into the office as a time for practicing present moment awareness, use slowing down in your car at stop signs or stop lights as a cue to take one or two mindful breaths, or use beginning meals as a cue for expressing one thing you are grateful for. 

    The possibilities here are endless with this simple strategy: Stack the new habit you wish to create on top of an existing habit so that it becomes integrated into the midst of your everyday life.

    Step 3: Build and Sustain Your New Habits Using the Four C’s

    The final step uses what we call the Four C’s of habit formation to weave these new habits deep into the fabric of your everyday life.

    1. Commence Small. This first critical tip builds on Stanford professor BJ Fogg’s research, which suggests you start with a goal you can realistically achieve. For example, it’s better to start with 5 minutes of meditation each day than to set yourself up for disappointment by trying to meditate for an hour. Be careful of setting unrealistic New Year’s goals that risk failing in mere days because they are too big. Remember, the path to changing your life is more about the process of building the habit than the specific habit itself.
    2. Commit.  Make a 100% commitment to building your new habit.  It turns out that it’s actually easier to commit to building a new habit 100% of the time than 99%. That 1%, after all, can make you miserable.  It fuels that voice in your head that says, “I’ll skip it just this once.” But by making a 100% commitment to a tiny habit, you end this mental argument. We have seen over and over again with thousands of people that this is really the key tip for creating new habits.
    3. Create a consistent Cue. Going back to the idea of habit stacking, where creating a “cue” helps you remember to act. Use one of your existing habits as your cue, as a trigger that helps you remember to build the new habit.  If you want to spend less time mind wandering and more time noticing the sights, sounds, and sensations of the present moment, for instance, come up with a regularly repeating cue that reminds you to practice, a cue like waking up, going to bed, walking upstairs, stopping at stoplights, riding in elevators, or standing in line at the store. 
    4. Celebrate. All you have to do to celebrate is savor the experience for just a few seconds. Savor the exquisite feeling of connecting to your breath. Savor the feeling of pleasure that you derive from doing the activity you made a 100% commitment to carry out.

    So, while the world hammers on about goals, outcomes, and New Year’s resolutions over the next few weeks, remember that real change and progress only happens when we carefully construct a system of habits that make new outcomes possible.



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