Health Journal Online

Tag: Emotions

  • A Meditation on Endings – Mindful

    A Meditation on Endings – Mindful

    By drawing our attention to endings and our developed habits about the way we meet endings, we can learn how to step fully into our lives with appreciation and gratitude, says Frank Ostaseski.

    How Do You Meet Endings?

    I want to draw our attention to endings: the end of a day, the end of a meal, the end of something precious and rare, the end of this sentence. 

    How do you meet endings? I mean, most of us have some developed habits about the way in which we meet endings. Are you aware of your habits? Without any judgment or criticality, let’s just take a look to see what our relationship to endings are. Like, when you go to a party, or you go to a conference: Do you have a tendency to leave emotionally or mentally before the conference is over or before the party’s over? Or maybe you’re the one in the parking lot waving goodbye to everybody as they depart. Or maybe you find some way of cocooning yourself, isolating in some way, pulling back into a kind of protective stance. Or perhaps you become ambivalent or indifferent about endings—maybe endings are very emotional for you. Maybe you get sad or scared. Let’s just take a look.

    When you end a relationship, how do you do it? Do you try to shift it into some other form of relationship so that it will continue? Do you end it with a text? How do you say goodbye in the afternoon when you leave your work—do you say goodbye to your colleagues? When a friend is sick and dying, do you go visit them? How do you meet endings? What are your patterns? Are you happy with the way you meet endings? You don’t have to be wedded to your old way of doing it. You have the freedom to change it, right here, right now. 

    When an ending comes, what happens in your body? Do you get tight, contracted? What’s the emotional experience? Does it bring about anxiety, fear, sadness? And what happens in your mind when endings come? Do you have remembering thoughts or planning thoughts? How do you meet this experience? 

    Exploring Endings and Beginnings

    The way that we end something shapes the way the next thing begins. When we hang on to the past, it limits our capacity to welcome the new. A lot of times we hang on because we’re still demanding something of the past, wanting it to give us more of what we’d hoped to get from that situation—more success, more love. The more comfortable we are with endings, the more we can welcome the new and release the old.

    The way that we end something shapes the way the next thing begins. When we hang on to the past, it limits our capacity to welcome the new.

    I used to run a preschool with a friend of mine, and we had these three- to five-year-olds that we would take into the outdoors. There, we would give them the task of collecting dead things, and the kids loved this. They’d go out into the woods and collect an old stick or fallen leaf or a rusty old car part, or sometimes the bones of a bird or a small animal. And then we’d bring them together and we’d lay out all of their discoveries on a blue tarp and in a grove of fir trees. And then we had a kind of show and tell. And the kids had no fear—they were full of curiosity. And sometimes when they presented the item they found, they would weave a great story about it, like how this rusty old car part had fallen from a spaceship. Or this leaf was being used by a mouse—to keep him warm until summer came. They had no fear. I remember one little girl said to me, I think the trees are very kind that they allow the leaves to fall from them so that new ones can grow. It would be really sad if the tree couldn’t grow new leaves.

    We know that birth will end in death. And reflecting on this might imbue our lives with more appreciation and gratitude. We know that the coming together of things inevitably means their dispersion, and reflecting on this may cause us to live a life of simplicity, to really cherish and care for what we have. 

    We know that everyone we love will one day die. Reflecting on this may cause us to think about how we want to care for them now. The way we meet in ending shapes the way the next moment arises. The study of endings is a beautiful way to step fully into our lives. 

    Learning From the Breath

    And the breath can help us restore; it can revitalize our life. The breath helps us to unhook from the daily frenzy. It brings balance to the instinctive drive to fight, take flight or freeze. Breath offers us an extraordinary opportunity to look at our relationship to endings. 

    1. Let the belly be soft; let the shoulders relax. Bring your attention to the breath, to the direct experience of breathing in and breathing out. 
    2. Be aware of the sensations in the body: the large, gross sensations and the subtler sensations of tingling or pulsing. Just let yourself settle into the rhythm of the breath however it is. There’s no need to control it or shape it in any way. 
    3. See if you can become aware of the very beginning of the inhale, the middle, and the end of the inhale. Do the same with the exhale: note the very beginning, the middle, and end of each exhale.
    4. See if you can become aware of that moment of transformation when the inhale becomes the exhale, when the exhale becomes the inhale. Relax. Let the breath breathe itself. Then you might notice that little gap, that pause, at the end of the exhale—maybe it’s just a nanosecond. Bring your attention fully and completely there. What happens in the gap? Were there physical sensations? Is there an emotional response? Do you find yourself anxious or feeling a sigh of relief? What happens in the mind? Is there a tendency to want to control the breath, to micromanage it in some way?
    5. Just let yourself rest in the gap. Rest in the pause. This pause: it’s a moment of faith or fear. Do you trust that the next breath will emerge? Can you relax with things just as they are? Breath is a microcosm of our whole life: coming and going, appearing and disappearing. 
    6. As we settle, we begin to feel like the breath is breathing us. Relinquish your control of the breath and let it breathe you. Settle back into the constant change—the coming and going, the beginning and ending of all experience. 

    Thank you for your practice.



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  • Foster Forgiveness With This 10-Minute Guided Meditation

    Foster Forgiveness With This 10-Minute Guided Meditation

    Explore this mindfulness practice to foster forgiveness and let go of the tendency to add to suffering during challenging situations.

    Two monks are walking down the road. They arrive at a muddy stream crossing, and a well-dressed woman declares without introduction, “Don’t just stand there. Someone carry me across this mess.“

    Without pause, the older monk lifts her across. She says nothing, not even a thank you.

    The two monks walk all day. The whole time, the younger one stews in his mind—How could he pick her up? We’re not supposed to touch women, or even talk to them. And she was so rude, someone should say something to her, she didn’t deserve our help.

    Finally, arriving at the inn for dinner, he can’t hold himself back. “What were you thinking?” he asks his friend. “She was nasty, and you broke the rules, and she didn’t even say thank you.”

    The older monk smiles gently and replies. “Wow, I put that woman down hours ago, but you’ve been carrying her all this time!”

    Why We Carry Anger and Resentment

    So what does that mean in real life? We make mistakes. Other people make mistakes. We do things to others. Others do things to us. There’s an actual experience that can be trivial or even traumatic. We add to the suffering with judgment, anger, and blame. It’s sometimes referred to as adding a second arrow after being struck by a first. Something unpleasant happens, but then we add more to the experience.

    With forgiveness, we make amends when needed but let go of the extra baggage. We give ourselves the same benefit of the doubt we’d offer a close friend.

    Forgiveness isn’t the same as condoning ourselves or anyone else for misbehavior. But we so easily hold ourselves infinitely responsible, often for experiences utterly out of our control or from decades past. With forgiveness, we make amends when needed but let go of the extra baggage. We give ourselves the same benefit of the doubt we’d offer a close friend.

    On the other hand, we sometimes allow someone else to influence our lives long after they’ve gone in a similar fashion. Another driver cuts us off in traffic, putting us in danger, and then speeds off. The driver arrives at brunch and relaxes, but we make our own coffee break bitter dwelling in our own anger. It’s a concept that holds across larger situations too. Anger and resentment simmer and grow, while compassionate resolve allows us to address what needs addressing without slinging additional arrows.

    A Forgiveness Meditation to Let Go of Added Suffering

    1. Find yourself a comfortable posture, or take a moment lying on the floor, or a bed.
    2. Bring your attention to the physical sensation of breathing, noting whatever is grabbing your attention, or whatever you’re feeling now, and without judgment, bringing your attention back to the rising and falling of your breath.
    3. Picture something that comes to mind that you judge yourself for. Maybe you feel regret, or irritation, or sadness. Notice how it feels even bringing it to mind. Then focus on these three phrases, not forcing anything but setting an intention: I forgive myself for not understanding. I forgive myself for making mistakes. I forgive myself for causing pain and suffering to myself and others.
    4. Bring your attention back again and repeat the phrases. For a few moments instead of the breath using these phrases as a focus for your attention. This type of practice may become too painful. At any time, without judging yourself, come back and focus on the breath. Allow yourself to settle and return when you’re ready, now or maybe some time in the future.
    5. Our mind naturally holds onto instances where we feel mistreated by others. There may be experiences that were entirely wrong or traumatic or that concretely require our attention or action. At the same time, we can practice avoiding the second arrow. I forgive you for not understanding. I forgive you for making mistakes. I forgive you for causing pain and suffering to me and to others. Letting go of the tendency to add resentment and judgment and everything related to challenging and unpleasant situations. Again, if it’s too much to consider, return to breathing, or if you prefer, focusing on compassion for yourself instead.
    6. Practices of this kind can be quite challenging, so in these last few moments, on each in-breath, noticing and accepting whatever you feel right now. On each out-breath, as you would for a close friend, offering yourself relief, or freedom, or strength, or whatever first comes to mind.

    Forgiveness doesn’t mean being passive or not taking action. It doesn’t mean standing down when we need to protect ourselves or someone else from harm. Do what needs to be done—that might mean taking a pause, settling the mind, and trying to see things as clearly as possible before taking skillful action. Continue to practice forgiveness, over and over again, letting go of whatever holds you back.



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  • Opening Up to Painful Emotions With A Gentle Practice

    Opening Up to Painful Emotions With A Gentle Practice

    Taking a moment to pause can enable us to move in the direction of suffering, to work, and to alleviate it, with wisdom and compassion.

    This is a meditation that I sometimes rely on when I find myself feeling the reactivity that comes up from what’s happening in the news, what’s happening in our communities, what’s happening in our country, and what’s happening in the world right now. Whether it’s because of the pandemic, a shooting, or an unnecessary killing of a good human being—it happens too frequently. It happened to Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and countless others. 

    Take a moment to pause with all of the news coming at us, especially if you are someone who seeks to move in the direction of the suffering, to work, and to alleviate it, through actions and engagements in the world. This gentle practice can provide support to you in remaining grounded as you open up to information that may cause you pain. 

    A Gentle Practice for Opening Up to Painful Emotions

    1. Noticing any of these kinds of reactivities coming up for you, you can, as always, just take a few deep and conscious breaths. And as you do so, you’re turning your attention in a very purposeful way toward these sensations that are coming up for you beneath the breath and in the body. 
    2. Taking a long, slow breath in, and a gentle, even longer breath out. Continue to follow the flow of your breathing as best you can, resting your attention there.
    3. On an in-breath, breathe in for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of seven, and then release for a count of eight. We’re doing the four, seven, eight cycle here. So on the next in-breath, breathe in for four counts, hold for seven counts, and then release for eight counts. Repeat that four, seven, eight cycle of breathing in and out one or two times. Breathing out through the mouth, if at all possible.
    4. Now settle into a natural rhythm and as best you can, maintain awareness of the quality of your breath—in and out. And rest as best you can, along the river of these sensations, resting in the long, broad, and deep now.
    5. As you rest, gently call to mind your desire and the will you have inside yourself for peace that begins with you. For well-being that begins right here, right now, in your own body and being and spirit, for justice that begins here.
    6. Perhaps on the next in-breath, consciously focus on the love and compassion that exists in your own heart. The peace that can begin with you right now—extending through you, right now.
    7. As you breathe in, bring greater awareness to this love. This warm, loving softness within you. Or other characteristics that you sense in your own experience, other ways you would describe your own warming heart and the will in your heart for justice and positive social community, for global change.
    8. As much as possible, allow yourself to completely feel the compassion in your being for everyone who’s suffering—obviously in a way that includes you, includes all of us. And particularly those who are suffering the most in your community and in the world right now, wherever they may be.
    9. So as you breathe in and out, breathing in the sense of awareness of the love in your heart, and breathing out very consciously, sending loving support toward all those you believe to be in need of it in this very moment.
    10. Breathe in a sense of your own loving heart and what is well within you, and while breathing out, gently extending the wish for well-being from your own head to toe, and flowing out through you, to the communities you meet and touch and work with. And out as far as my reach can go, circling the globe.
    11. As you bring this meditation gently to a close, take a moment to appreciate all that you are, all that you do. The body that is carrying you through this very life in all its perfect imperfections—just as you are. 
    12. Call forth an intention for staying grounded and holding with grace, your spirit, your being, and your energy for the work today.

    Follow this practice and other meditations guided by Rhonda Magee on her SoundCloud. 



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  • You Can Investigate Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them

    You Can Investigate Your Emotions Without Suppressing Them

    When presented with difficulty, a first reaction may be to ward off or ignore unpleasant emotions. It’s normal. However, with practice, we can learn to lean on the comfort of safe spaces—or meditation spaces—to instead engage with them directly. One of the essential qualities of mindfulness is being with whatever comes up, rather than suppressing emotion or running away from inner challenges.

    In this short video, founding editor Barry Boyce answers our questions about emotional health and how we can turn toward our feelings.

    A Q&A with Mindful Founding Editor Barry Boyce

    How to Let Go of Suppressing Our Emotions

    Q: If we let ourselves feel our emotions, one concern may be that we won’t be able to stop feeling them. If we’ve avoided our emotions for a long time, will it be too much to handle? What would you recommend? 

    A: The fear that our emotions will overtake us and rule our lives (or at least a significant chunk of our time) is indeed one of the reasons we seek mindless distraction. Being kind to ourselves, repeatedly, is job one. Mindfulness practice is not about aggressively “tackling” our emotions in a fight to the death. If we’ve been suppressing something for a long time and mindfulness begins to bring it up into our conscious awareness—as it will—the key instruction is to notice it and move on. When it comes up again, maybe seconds later, we do the same. This approach of a little bit at a time, moment by moment, reduces the emotional wallop by breaking it into momentary pieces, rather than treating it as one big permanent thing, which it is not.

    It never pays to push ourselves to the brink in the hopes of gaining freedom or insight.

    This is easy to say, but it does take a bit of ongoing gentle effort—leavened with a lot of kindness toward ourselves—to touch the emotion and let it go. Touch it, and let it go. If we are really overwhelmed and breaking down, we may need the help of a friend or a counselor. It never pays to push ourselves to the brink in the hopes of gaining freedom or insight. Easy does it. If you’re wounded, attend to the wound, or get the help you need to heal.

    At some point, when we feel safer, we can explore our emotional landscape further, with the benefit of the repeated noticing we’ve been doing. But that is more awareness and inquiry practice, as opposed to straight mindfulness.

    Coping Mechanisms and Suppressing Emotions

    Q: Sometimes ignoring our feelings can be a coping mechanism in stressful times. Can we suppress our feelings sometimes, but also open up to them the rest of the time? Is “not suppressing emotions” an all-or-nothing deal? 

    A: An excellent and delicate question. As noted above, first and foremost, it’s vital to be kind to ourselves—again and again and again. So, when emotions threaten to overwhelm us, we can respond to them with some form of “Yes, I know you’re there, but now is not the time for me to go there.” You may have to do that repeatedly. That kind of attitude doesn’t mean you are suppressing or ignoring the emotion. You are, in fact, noticing it and acknowledging it. Touching it and moving on. That’s mindfulness.

    When emotions threaten to overwhelm us, we can respond to them with some form of “Yes, I know you’re there, but now is not the time for me to go there.”

    When you notice it simply like that, you generally lessen its power to overwhelm you a bit. By contrast, suppressing—actively, energetically pushing it down and away—increases that power.

    Is Emotional Intelligence a Luxury?

    Q: For some, working on emotional intelligence seems impractical—or a like luxury. What are some examples of ways we might use emotional intelligence in our daily lives?

    A: To appreciate why emotional intelligence might not be an impractical luxury, it will first help to define what we mean by “emotional intelligence.” According to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, this notion first emerged when two emotion researchers, Peter Salovey and John Mayer, “lamented that theories of intelligence had no systematic place for emotions,” which inspired them to articulate “a theory that described a new kind of intelligence: the ability to recognize, understand, utilize, and regulate emotions effectively in everyday life.” In a pivotal paper, published in 1990, they described this revolutionary idea, which they called “emotional intelligence.” The idea caught on, and Salovey and his laboratory at Yale became recognized leaders, pushing the field toward new discoveries and innovations. Five years later, Dan Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ, became a bestseller and popularized the idea further. When Google began its mindfulness program, Search Inside Yourself, in 2007, it emphasized emotional intelligence. In that respect, the program followed the belief that mindfulness and awareness practice as well as loving-kindness and compassion practices could enhance our emotional intelligence.

    When we have less ability to “recognize, understand, utilize, and regulate emotions effectively in everyday life,” it quite simply creates pain, for others and for ourselves. Finding ways to lessen pain is not impractical nor a luxury. It’s the healthy thing to do.

    How do we find ways to use emotional intelligence in our daily lives? From a mindfulness perspective, the key habit that can help us cultivate more emotional intelligence is pausing, which lets the momentum of our emotions to be interrupted, so we have a moment to notice how they are showing up in our body and mind. As we do that more often—a little bit of regular mindfulness practice helps develop the pausing habit—the choices we make concerning how we express and act on our emotions may be more “intelligent.” When they’re not so intelligent and we make a mess? We might notice that and learn from our encounter, rather than blindly stumbling toward wherever our emotions lead us.

    We featured the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence’s assistant director, Dena Simmons, in the April 2019 issue of Mindful and on mindful.org. The center’s director, Marc Brackett, recently released his book Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive, which is reviewed on mindful.org.

    Men and Emotional Well-Being

    Q: Men are often taught that crying (or showing nearly any emotion) is too feminine. What can we do to help change this ingrained idea, in ourselves and those around us? 

    A: On a very simple level, when a man or boy seems on the verge of tears, we can very gently let them know that’s it’s fine to cry. A word or two or a nonverbal message can often be enough to convey that feeling without having to get too conceptual about it. Quiet listening and warmth go a long way in allowing someone to let their emotion simply be. At least you can respond without judging it as inappropriate.

    Changing gender stereotyping on a broader scale raises deep questions that go beyond the scope of personal mindfulness practice. The ways children are socialized and taught what gender means has been explored extensively by many people and form the basis of a variety of programs aimed at social change. One of the most interesting is The Representation Project, started by Jennifer Seibel Newsom (who is married to the current governor of California).

    Her film Miss Representation concerns how girls are taught to think about gender in limiting ways, while The Mask You Live In “follows boys and young men as they struggle to stay true to themselves while negotiating America’s narrow definition of masculinity,” according The Representation Project website. Newsome’s most recent film, The Great American Lie, focuses on a social addiction to a certain definition of masculine values, which are held up as superior to those identified as feminine. Newsome has presented on these issues several times at the Wisdom 2.0 conference. The Mask You Live In features the work of Ashanti Branch, who is one of the featured teachers in Mindful’s Mindful30 challenge. These films can be screened by school groups and others interested in gender education.

    How to Test Your Emotional Maturity 

    Learning the language of emotional maturity is like learning a second language. If you weren’t raised with it, it may take tens of thousands of hours to master.
    Read More 

    • Nicole Bayes-Fleming
    • November 22, 2019



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  • Allow the Storm to Pass

    Allow the Storm to Pass

    In this practice, Scott Rogers guides us to take the role of observer to difficult emotions, so that we can more easily create the space we need to let them go.

    Sometimes we can see our intense emotions coming, and sometimes we can’t. Emotions can build up, increasing in strength slowly. At other times, they crash down on us all at once. We can get lost in our emotions, swept up in a feeling. They can be beautiful and they can be scary. In all of these ways, emotions are like storms. As such we need to allow the storm to pass.

    Let’s look to different aspects of the hurricane and see how they connect to our own thoughts, feelings, and sensations.  

    The good news is that we can allow the storm to pass, and so do emotions. With mindfulness, we can practice taking the role of observer to our strong feelings. When we put that space between ourselves and the whirlwinds, we can find stability and cultivate resilience. Scott Rogers leads us in this guided practice with the metaphor of a hurricane to help us recognize the qualities and the impermanence of even our stormiest emotions. 

    A 12-Minute Meditation for Emotional Resilience

    1. We begin this 12-minute mindfulness practice by bringing ourselves into a posture that’s upright and stable. We lower or close our eyes and bring our attention to our body sitting in the chair. 
    2. As we breathe, we are aware of where our bottom meets the seat of the chair and of where our back meets the back of the chair. We are aware of our feet and where they make contact with the ground, our shoes, or our socks. We are aware of the sensations of the body, of the hands resting one in the other or on our lap. We are aware of the fingertips, the palms, the points of contact, as we begin this practice by coming to our senses as we breathe.
    3. At times, things can become intense and quickly turn, much like a hurricane, so this practice will draw upon the metaphor of a hurricane to help us understand our own true nature. It can help us understand the ways that mindfulness practice can be helpful in observing our nature moment by moment. That observation can create spaciousness around the tumultuousness that can arise during the course of our day and at times throughout our life. 
    4. We take three slow, deep breaths. A little slower and a little deeper than we might otherwise take. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale. 
    5. The hurricane arises when the conditions are sufficient for it to come together and, in time, it dissipates, much like our own emotional conditions. So, let’s look at a few of the different aspects of the hurricane and see how they connect to our own thoughts, feelings, and sensations, and the spaciousness and ease that we can find with agitated thoughts, feelings, and sensations. In this way, we can allow the storm to pass. 
    6. There are times when we experience agitation and frustration in the body, much like the strong, gusty winds and heavy rains that feed into the hurricane. We might reflect for a moment on times when we have felt that intensity in the body—that tension, that tightness.
    7. Thoughts arise from time to time that can be judgmental, pessimistic, and reactive, like the outflow of high-level clouds that intensify the hurricane as they move away from it. We might take note of thoughts that arise in our mind now, or thoughts that have arisen today, that carry that judgmental, harsh, reactive quality. Just notice these thoughts as we breathe. 
    8. There are moments we experience intense emotions like anger and fear that are akin to the eye wall, the extreme conditions that form around the eye of the hurricane. You may notice these arising now, perhaps because of the circumstances of the day, or that they arise on a fairly regular basis. 
    9. And so, too, there are times we experience inner calm, much as is found within the eye of the storm. This is a reminder that we don’t have to have the intense and agitated thoughts, feelings, and sensations go away to find that inner calm, that inner tranquility. By shifting to an observing state, we find freedom from the intensity of those thoughts, feelings, and sensations. It’s like finding our way into the eye of the storm,  into a place of our own safe refuge without needing anything to change. 
    10. Let us settle into the body, aware of thoughts, aware of feelings that will come and go, aware of the sensations in the body, aware of preserving and allowing the breath to anchor us a little bit more fully, to steady us a little bit more comfortably into the moments of this practice. In doing so, we begin to develop and cultivate a resilience to steady us in the moments of our life. 
    11. Breathe in and out, allowing this moment to be as it is. When, from time to time, the mind wanders, gently return to the sensations of the breath flowing through the body. When you’re ready in the next moment or two, with awareness, lift the gaze, open the eyes. 



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  • 12 Minute Meditation: Transform Shame Into Self-Trust

    12 Minute Meditation: Transform Shame Into Self-Trust

    Exploring difficult emotions and experiences may be the key to loosening their hold over us. Gentle awareness of our inner world allows us to transform shame in this practice from Patricia Rockman, MD.

    Becoming familiar with a difficult emotion means getting interested and curious about the experience, like you might do when visiting a new city. Take it slow, uncovering new “territory” a bit at a time instead of trying to get to know it all at once. As you navigate shame, you learn that you can sit with uncomfortable feelings, and that they will eventually pass. Over time, you develop resilience, self-knowledge, and trust in yourself—the best antidotes to the self-judgment that shame inspires.

    Thoughts and feelings are larger and scarier when they’re left unexplored and kept in the shadows.

    Whether you’re experiencing feelings of shame right now or have buried shame that you’ve been avoiding, are you willing to get to know it a bit better? Remember, thoughts and feelings are larger and scarier when they’re left unexplored and kept in the shadows.

    12-Minute Meditation: Transform Shame Into Self-Trust

    1. Take a comfortable meditation posture, eyes closed if comfortable. Begin by bringing attention to the body sitting. Attending to the base of the body as it makes contact with the surface you are resting on. Allowing the jaw to soften, shoulder blades sliding down the back and hands at rest in the lap or on your thighs.
    2. Turn your attention to the sensations of breathing at the level of the belly. Attending to the in-breath and the out-breath, the rising and falling of the abdomen. Perhaps letting the breath move in and out of the body naturally, as best you can.
    3. And now, gently bringing to mind an experience or memory, a time in which you felt shame. Maybe it was something you did or something that someone else said about you or to you. Whatever it is, turning toward this memory, experience, or situation gently, as best you can, checking in with what thoughts are present, what emotions, and what body sensations.
    4. Without needing to change or fix anything, beginning to explore what is arising or what is here right now. If there are specific thoughts, as best you can, experiencing them as sensations of the mind, as events that come and go. If there are emotions, naming or labeling them as they make themselves known. Saying to yourself, “Shame is here,” or fear, anxiety, or guilt, whatever it is, and staying with these for a few moments.
    5. And now, shifting your attention to any associated sensations in the body. Investigate these with friendly interest, getting curious about them, even if they’re unwanted or intense, really getting to know them, if that is possible in this moment.
    6. If the sensations are particularly intense or strong, saying to yourself, “This is a moment of difficulty. I can be with this, it’s already here.” If it is helpful, breathing into the sensations, expanding on the in-breath and softening on the out-breath, staying with these sensations as long as they are capturing your attention.
    7. If this is too difficult or feels overwhelming, there is always the choice to return your attention to the breath at the belly or to open your eyes, letting go of this practice. Otherwise, continuing with this attention to the sensations in the body…
    8. And now, returning to the sensations of breathing in the abdomen, to the rising and falling of the belly with each breath, breathing in and breathing out.
    9. And when you’re ready, bringing attention to the entire body, to any and all sensations, resting here in a more spacious awareness, if this is available.
    10. Then gently, with this shameful experience in the background now, asking yourself: Can I let this be as it is? (It’s already here, after all.) Can I let it go? (It’s already happened.) Does it need addressing? Do I have to take an action? If so, what? Can I shift my attitude, bringing a different perspective to this experience? And then gently opening the eyes if they have been closed and letting go of this practice.



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  • The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    Research suggests that when we turn towards pain and discomfort, we can experience less of it. Plus, Ed Halliwell offers a guided meditation for being mindful when things get tough.

    Research into mindfulness has shown the benefits of staying present, and of gently turning towards difficulty. Mindfulness-based relapse prevention (MBRP) trains people with addictive habits to manage their cravings mindfully by staying present to the sensations of craving, rather than trying to distract from them, avoid them or defeat them.

    The Science of Staying Present

    In a large trial of MBRP, mindfulness-trained patients drank and used drugs significantly less than those who were treated with cognitive-behavioural approaches, and a control group who attended twelve-step and psycho-education groups. The authors of the study conclude that mindfulness was the most successful approach, especially over the longer term, because it enabled patients to “monitor and skilfully cope with discomfort associated with craving or negative affect.” A similar study with smokers found that mindfulness training was more than five times as effective as a standard smoking cessation programme, as measured by abstinence from cigarettes after four months (31 per cent compared to 6 per cent). Another study has suggested that mindful people are more able to tolerate their own distress, rather than react in harmful ways.

    There are benefits to staying present with physical, as well as emotional, discomfort. Fadel Zeidan and colleagues suggest that meditation practice is associated with brain changes that indicate and reflect shifts in people’s experience of, and relationship with, pain. Meditators show decreased activity in the primary somatosensory cortex (an area of the brain involved in registering pain) and increased activity in three areas involved in the regulation of pain—the anterior insula, the anterior cingulate cortex and the pre-frontal cortex. When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases. They may not get so caught up in the negative stories and evasive reactions that tend to accompany pain but do nothing to stop it (and, indeed, may increase the mind’s perception of it). This may be why people with chronic conditions have reported reductions in pain after training in mindfulness, even though they still suffer from the illness.

    When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases.

    As far back as 1971, Robert Wallace and Herbert Benson found that meditation reduced activity in the sympathetic nervous system, which controls the “fight or flight” reaction. More recently, attending a mindfulness course has been shown to reduce activity and grey matter volume in the amygdala—a key indicator of how strongly this reaction is triggered. With mindfulness training also comes a thickening in parts of the pre-frontal cortex—the region directly behind the forehead—which may be connected to a strengthening of the body’s capacity to regulate stress. Connections between the amygdala and other parts of the brain weaken after mindfulness training.

    One part of the pre-frontal cortex associated with stress regulation is the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). Poor ACC function tends to correlate with impulsive behaviour and mental inflexibility—which are both common among people who are under stress. Experienced meditators display more activity in the ACC, and better stress regulation. The capacity to self- manage during difficult situations may be trainable at a very young age. One study that tracked a group of pre-school children who attended a mindfulness programme over six months found that they were less impulsive (more able to regulate) than a group of children who did not receive the training.

    The Benefits of Leaning Into Discomfort

    Just the act of describing unpleasant experiences mindfully can have a positive effect on stress levels. In one study, people with a fear of spiders were asked to walk towards and try to touch a live tarantula. Some were invited to reassure themselves as they approached the spider, while others were advised to distract themselves from what they were trying to do. A third group was encouraged to acknowledge and turn towards their fear, saying something like: “I am frightened by the big ugly spider.” The members of this third group—those who openly stayed present to their fear— got closest to the tarantula, felt least upset by the experience, and had the least sweaty palms.

    Staying present to difficulties seems to have a significant impact on well-being. In Matt Killingsworth’s studies of wandering minds, he has found that people are less happy when their minds are distracted, even when they are engaged in an activity that we would usually describe as unpleasant. So, for instance, even though most people are not keen on commuting, they tend to be happier if their minds turn towards the experience of the journey rather than wander away from it. Other studies have suggested that setting oneself the goal of avoiding stress increases the long-term risk of depression. By contrast, if we view stress as a normal, helpful indicator—something we can handle and from which we can learn—rather than as something to eliminate, we are more likely to experience good health and emotional well-being.

    Try This 15-Minute Guided Mindfulness Meditation

    When you’ve established a stable foundation with mindfulness of breath and body you can experiment with turning towards difficulty.

    Sometimes our experience is painful and difficult. And there may be little or nothing we can do about the arising of the pain or difficulty. In these cases, we may be able to work with what’s happening skillfully by exploring our relationship to it. Most of us have a habitual pattern of turning away from problems or trying to get rid of unpleasant events. Unfortunately this often seems to increase our sense of stress, because if pain is already present, you can’t get rid of it by trying to run away from it. In mindfulness practice we gently experiment with reversing this habit by turning gently towards difficult experiences that come up in our meditation.

    This practice is usually best done in small doses at first. Preferably working with difficulties that aren’t likely to be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you’re in charge of how you undertake this experiment. You can return to mindfulness of breathing as an anchor at any time or let go of this practice for a while if you need to, being kind to yourself.

    Note that this practice includes longer pauses of complete silence for reflection and presence. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go.

    1. Begin by settling into a dignified sitting posture. Upright, steady, grounded. Feeling the feet on the floor, bottom on the chair, spine erect shoulders dropped. Feel a sense of openness at the chest, muscles un-tensed, centered, feeling the breath in the belly. Attuning attention to sensations of the breath as it moves in and out. Being with the breath. Being in the body.
    2. And now expanding awareness to experience throughout the body. Being in the present moment with the body. Noticing what you find and allowing what’s here to be here. Especially noticing sensations in the body that are more unpleasant and difficult to be with. Maybe there’s an aching, throbbing, churning, or a tightening somewhere. There may be a physical or a more emotional tone to the sensations. If it feels helpful to label this for yourself, you could mentally say some words describing the experience: anger, pain, or restlessness, for example. Perhaps also noticing where in the body you’re feeling these tones of sensation and emotion.
    3. Now inviting you to experiment with gently taking your attention towards a region of more intense sensation. Turning towards the intensity. Being interested in the qualities of and changes in sensation from moment to moment. What increases or decreases in intensity are there? What shifts in location or texture? As best you can, staying with the direct experience of sensation and letting any thoughts about what’s happening or urges and impulses to react be held in kindly awareness in the background of the mind. Letting go of any need to try and get any kind of result here or for anything to have to change. Just gently turning towards what’s going on. And noticing what happens without an agenda. Riding the waves of experience, moment by moment.
    4. If you like you could offer a sense of breathing with the sensations, feeling them together with the rising and falling of the breath. Breathing in with sensations, breathing out with sensations.
    5. Noticing: are there any impulses to resist or pull away? Perhaps you find your attention drawn into thoughts. Rumination maybe or distraction. Maybe you find your thoughts trying to make sense of the difficulty or problem solving it or judge the success or failure of the practice by whether the intensity decreases or changes. As best you can, seeing if you can include these reactions in your noticing, allowing space for them to be experienced along with the sensations themselves—without having to buy into them or reject them.
    6. If it feels too much to be doing this it’s always okay to continue with or return to mindfulness of breathing or body or to stop practicing for a time. Gentleness is paramount here and there are no right or wrong things to happen when you try this. Just being interested in what does happen when you take your attention into a region of difficulty, moving towards it, letting the experience be observed and awareness without needing to do anything else.
    7. And experimenting now if this feels okay for you with breathing into the region of intensity. Opening further to the sensations on the in-breath and having a sense of softening on the out-breath, of letting go. This isn’t to try and change what’s happening but rather to offer a skillful relationship to it. Flowing with it. Offering space to it, allowing it. Breathing into the sensations on the in-breath, breathing out from them on the out-breath, softening, letting be, allowing.
    8. Staying present with the intensity only for as long as feels manageable for you right now. If you like you can gently move your attention away from and then back towards the intensity noticing what happens each time you work with redirecting your attention in and out. Inviting you to be like a scientist undertaking a laboratory experiment. Being interested in what happens rather than seeking a particular outcome. Coming back to mindfulness of breath or body as and when that feels right for you.
    This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus). Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.



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  • Is There a Time and Place for “Suck It Up”?

    Is There a Time and Place for “Suck It Up”?

    When I was a kid, my dad taught me how to do a backflip off the diving board. I was terrified, but with his encouragement, I pulled it off. Then he had me do it again—and again—until it stuck. Feeling confident, I decided to push myself and bounce higher. Bad move. I jumped high, but not far enough out, and ended up hitting my head on the diving board on the way down. Then I sank. Underwater, I saw my dad’s hand reach in to grab me. Once I was out, I burst into tears. That’s when I heard it for the first time: “Suck it up.”

    He told me to get back on the board and do it again. I was furious, scared, and confused, but his tough approach worked (ish). Though I didn’t want to, I climbed back up. I reluctantly mustered every ounce of courage and completed another backflip. Then I got out of the pool, fuming at my dad for making me do it again after I was hurt, and ran inside the house. I was pissed and I didn’t forgive him for years. Looking back, I get it now (ish). He totally could have handled it better, sure, but it was all he knew—it was his normal.

    Here’s the other thing I realized: There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos. In that moment, “sucking it up” was necessary for me to calm down, refocus, and get back on the proverbial horse. But here’s the catch: When that approach becomes your everyday norm—especially when your job is all chaos, all the time—it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.

    There’s a time and place for pushing emotions aside to get through the chaos—but when that approach becomes your everyday norm, it starts to bleed into every situation and every aspect of life, chaos or not.

    Calm Isn’t (Always) the Goal

    For the first responders I meet while leading Tactical Brain Training sessions, that’s the challenge. The nature of the work demands you set emotions aside to handle emergencies effectively.

    A detective once said to me, “So when someone is coming at me with a gun or knife, you want me to close my eyes, take a few breaths, and be peaceful and calm?” I replied, “Sure, if your intention is to get stabbed or shot!” (I may have cursed a bit here too.) I followed up with something like, “No, that would be the wrong move here. Instead, you can use mindfulness to complement your law enforcement training strategically …protecting yourself. And no, don’t close your eyes!”

    When the job requires you to literally place yourself in the fire, the stress that comes with it is understandable. And the trauma—whether experienced personally or from witnessing someone else’s—is inevitable. If we know that trauma is part of the job, it becomes our responsibility to address it. We train for every other aspect of the job—drawing a weapon, performing CPR, restraining someone—so why not train to manage the potential fallout? This is the gap I see between training for action and training for sustainability (that is, training to keep ourselves mentally healthy).

    Mindfulness interventions and Tactical Brain Training are not just about creating calm; they’re about regulating the nervous system, enabling someone to approach their job or their partner with purposeful actions rather than just reacting. Instead of letting emotions guide actions, mindfulness interventions train the brain’s prefrontal cortex to help guide actions. The prefrontal cortex is in charge of executive functioning: cognitive abilities such as working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. Training this part of the brain means we’re able to operate in a responsive state rather than a reactive one.

    For first responders, veterans, and other people who face high-stress situations, having a variety of emotional regulation techniques increases access to balance. It’s about building a go-to toolbox of strategies. If one doesn’t work, toss it and try another. This isn’t about zoning out or ignoring the pain and suffering; it’s about training to tune into it while knowing you have a strategy to work your way out.

    How to “Suck It Up” With Mindfulness

    Mindfulness is not as simple as “just notice your emotions” or “just take a breath.” Asking someone who’s been trained to suppress their emotions in order to save a drowning person to suddenly feel and embrace every emotion can be overwhelming, distracting, and even frustrating. And asking someone who is highly agitated to stop what they’re doing and take a breath can be ridiculously annoying! If you ever see me write or hear me say “JFB,” this is my way of creating some levity in a stressful moment, which can have the benefit of incorporating an intervention without the associated stigma or frustration. JFB stands for Just F’ing Breathe (but I’m sure you already figured that out).

    It’s key to start small. You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps. It would be pretty dumb to start weight training by lifting 100 lbs. We need to build slowly and steadily (I’m currently at 10-lb weights—apparently I need to work on this.)

    You train your brain just as you would train your body—gradually, with manageable steps.

    For example, instead of starting with “I am so frustrated, where do I feel it in my body?” which can feel overwhelming, you can approach the mind-body connection interventions in a stepwise progression. Begin with something like: “First I want to train to feel sensations in my body, and then I will try to connect those sensations with an emotion.” It’s helpful to begin with noticing common physical sensations. Train for curiosity: “Where do I feel hunger?” “Where does fatigue show up in my body?”

    From Chaos to Emotional Regulation

    From there, you can build. Think a happy thought. What does happiness feel like in your body? And, think of something frustrating (but NOT traumatic, as there’s no need to purposefully trigger yourself here). And be curious again. Try and identify where you feel frustration. This step-by-step approach builds a foundation of awareness. By the time emotions are addressed directly, it’s no longer foreign or overwhelming. Skills have been developed to notice without being consumed.

    This is exactly why I call it Tactical Brain Training. It shifts the idea of mindfulness away from the stigma of being “emotional” and reframes it as a strategic way of thinking. The idea is not to disappear emotions in order to get the job done. It’s about creating a “suck it up container,” knowing you can return to those emotions once the chaos settles. Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.

    Emotional awareness isn’t just about handling stress—it’s a tactical skill for navigating both the chaos of the job and the calm of daily life.

    Just like learning to backflip off a diving board, it requires practice, patience, and a step-by-step approach. And when mistakes happen—as they inevitably do—the training allows emotions to be acknowledged without letting them take control. Instead, they’re momentarily set aside, enabling clear focus to complete the task at hand.

    So many people I work with are surprised to learn that it can be this simple. I’m not saying  traumatic experiences are simple, and I’m not saying starting a mindfulness practice is easy. What I am saying is this:

    • Yes, stress and trauma are inevitable parts of the job.
    • No, you are not broken.
    • Yes, it is what it is—and now you know.
    • Yes, you can approach this in a way that feels relatable to you.
    • Now, let’s get to work! #JFB



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  • Calming Hands: A Mindfulness Practice for Kids to Ease Difficult Emotions

    Calming Hands: A Mindfulness Practice for Kids to Ease Difficult Emotions

    Try this creative, calming mindfulness practice for kids and families, designed to help ease difficult emotions and manage stress.

    Key Points:

    • When children feel anxious or overwhelmed, mindful breathing and counting can help them feel safe and calm.
    • Engaging in mindful activities together as a family strengthens connections and boosts emotional resilience.
    • Try this Calming Hands activity to help your child soothe strong emotions through breathing, counting, and making handprint art.

    Mindfulness can be fun, simple, and hands-on—literally! The Calming Hands practice, created and shared by Rose Felix Cratsley at Ivy Child International, introduces young children to mindful breathing through art and counting. This activity is perfect for caregivers and educators who want to help kids cultivate calm and focus playfully.

    Exploring this practice helps us connect with our bodies, our breath, and the calming energy of our hands. When we feel anxious, stressed, upset or overwhelmed, our hands can be a tool for bringing peace and relaxation. This practice can help you feel safe and calm, no matter what you’re going through.

    Scroll down to follow along with the guided audio of this practice!

    How to Adapt for Kids with Sensory Needs

    Children are encouraged to explore different textures such as soft fabric, smooth stones etc. while practicing the calming hands technique, allowing them to engage with their senses.

    Parental Hack

    This practice is most effective when caregivers model by practicing alongside children, reinforcing the idea that mindfulness is a family activity and ritual. This can help both kids and parents bond while building emotional resilience and their psychological immune system, together.

    Highlights and Benefits:

    • Introduction: Guides children to notice the sensations in their hands and introduces the concept of hands as calming tools.
    • Breathing Practice: Uses finger-by-finger breathing, teaching kids to inhale and exhale deeply while counting from 1 to 10.
    • Reflection: Encourages kids to observe how their hands and bodies feel after the practice, reinforcing self-awareness and relaxation.

    Calm and Creative: Make Art With Your Handprint

    The Calming Hands practice is best paired with an engaging art activity where kids trace or do handprints, decorate, and personalize their calming hands. By integrating creativity with this simple and engaging mindfulness practice, this activity becomes a lasting tool for emotional regulation and relaxation.

    What You’ll Need:

    • Paper (large enough for a handprint)
    • Non-toxic markers, crayons, or paint

    How to Practice Calming Hands:

    1. Make the Handprint: Invite your child to trace their hand onto the paper or create a painted handprint. Let them have fun choosing colors or decorating their hand outline—it’s part of the creative mindfulness process!
    2. Number the Fingers: Together, write numbers from 1 to 10 on the fingers, starting at the thumb and moving outward.
    3. Begin Mindful Breathing:
      • Encourage the child to place their real hand on top of their handprint.
      • Start at the thumb (1) and breathe in deeply, then exhale as you count out loud.
      • Move to the next finger (2), breathing in and out again.
      • Continue until all 10 fingers are complete.
    4. Repeat if Needed: If the child enjoys the exercise, they can trace back through the numbers or start again.

    Children and families can turn this mindfulness practice into a creative keepsake by tracing their hands, numbering their fingers, and decorating the artwork. This hands-on activity teaches kids to ease difficult emotions by providing a visual and tactile reminder of the breathing practice, making it easy for them to return to in stressful moments. Calming hands can be mounted on the fridge, bedroom door or even in the car as a tool to remind us all to count and breathe.

    Audio Practice: Use Your Hands to Explore Mindful Breathing

    By Rose Felix Cratsley

    Before starting the practice, find a blank piece of paper and something to draw with, like a marker or pencil.

    1. Step 1: Get Comfortable. Find a comfortable seat, either on the floor or in a chair, and sit tall like a strong tree. You can rest your hands gently on your lap, or place them in front of you. Let your shoulders relax, and your body feel soft. You are in a safe place.
    2. Step 2: Notice Your Hands. Take a moment to notice your hands. How do they feel? Are they warm or cool? Do they feel heavy or light? If you’re feeling nervous or anxious, that’s okay—just notice what’s happening in your hands without judgment. If you feel tense, give your hands a little shake and let the tension fall away.
    3. Step 3: Trace Your Hands. Now, we’re going to trace our hands to create a picture of calm. Place your hand on a piece of paper and trace around it with a pencil or marker. While you trace, feel your fingers, the palm of your hand, and the space between your fingers. Let each stroke of the marker be a reminder that you are safe and in control.

      As you trace your hands, know that you’re building something special. Your hands are your own calming tool, always available when you need to relax and feel grounded.

    4. Step 4: Breathe with Your Hands. Now that your hands are traced, we’re going to use them to help us breathe deeply. Each finger will guide us through one breath. We will count from 1 to 10, one number for each finger. With each number, we’ll take a slow, deep breath in and out.

      Start with your pinky and breathe in as you count “1.” Feel your chest and belly rise. Now, breathe out as you count “2.” Let the air flow out slowly and feel your body soften. Keep breathing slowly, one number for each finger. As you breathe in, feel your hands fill with calm. As you breathe out, feel your hands and body relax even more.

    5. Step 5: Focus on the Sensation. As you go through each number, pay close attention to how your hands feel. Do they feel warm, soft, or tingly? Notice any changes as you breathe. Imagine your breath flowing through your hands, bringing calmness to every part of your body.

      As your mind wanders, simply bring your attention back to your hands and your breath. Take your time, enjoying each breath as an opportunity to slow down and find peace.

    6. Step 6: Feel Grounded and Safe. Take a moment to reflect on how your body feels now. Does your body feel more relaxed? Do your hands feel more calm and steady? Remember, this practice helps us feel grounded—like our feet are firmly planted in the earth, and we are in control of our breath and emotions. Your hands can always be a source of calm. If you ever feel anxious or upset, you can come back to this practice, take a deep breath, and find peace through your hands.
    7. When you feel ready, come back to your day.  Take one more deep breath in, and gently breathe out. Slowly bring your awareness back to the space around you. You are calm, centered, and ready to face whatever comes next. You can always return to your calming hands whenever you need them.



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  • The Power of Emotional Intelligence: How to Recognize and Manage Your Emotions in Your Relationship

    The Power of Emotional Intelligence: How to Recognize and Manage Your Emotions in Your Relationship

    The Power of Emotional Intelligence: How to Recognize and Manage Your Emotions in Your Relationship

    Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and to use this awareness to guide your thoughts and actions. In the context of a romantic relationship, emotional intelligence is essential for building a strong and healthy bond with your partner. When both partners possess high emotional intelligence, they can better communicate, navigate conflicts, and connect on a deeper level.

    Recognizing Your Emotions

    The first step in developing emotional intelligence is to become aware of your own emotions. This may seem simple, but it is often overlooked. Many people are not conscious of their emotions, and as a result, they may act impulsively or react to their emotions without fully understanding what they are feeling. To recognize your emotions, take time to reflect on how you feel. Ask yourself:

    • What am I feeling right now?

    • Is this emotion based on fact or perception?

    • How am I reacting to this emotion?

    By taking the time to identify and label your emotions, you can better understand what you are feeling and why. This can help you to respond more thoughtfully to situations, rather than reacting impulsively.

    Understanding Your Partner’s Emotions

    In addition to recognizing your own emotions, it is essential to understand your partner’s emotions as well. This can be challenging, as everyone experiences and expresses emotions differently. However, by actively listening to your partner and seeking to understand their perspective, you can build a deeper connection and improve communication. To better understand your partner’s emotions, try the following:

    • Ask open-ended questions: Instead of asking yes or no questions, ask open-ended questions that encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings.

    • Listen actively: When your partner is speaking, make sure to listen actively, avoiding interrupting or dismissing their feelings.

    • Seek clarification: If you don’t understand something, ask for clarification. Avoid making assumptions or jumping to conclusions.

    Managing Your Emotions in Your Relationship

    Once you are aware of your emotions and have an understanding of your partner’s emotions, it’s time to learn how to manage them. Emotional intelligence is not just about recognizing and understanding emotions, but also about managing them in a healthy way. Here are some tips for managing your emotions in your relationship:

    • Take a step back: When feelings are running high, take a step back and breathe. This can help to calm down and clear your head.

    • Communicate openly: Share your feelings and concerns with your partner, but do so in a respectful and non-accusatory way.

    • Practice empathy: Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. This can help to diffuse tension and build a deeper connection.

    • Use "I" statements: Instead of saying "you always" or "you never," use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs.

    Benefits of Emotional Intelligence in Your Relationship

    Developing emotional intelligence in your relationship can have numerous benefits. Some of the advantages of emotional intelligence in your relationship include:

    • Improved communication: When both partners are emotionally intelligent, they can better communicate, reducing conflicts and misunderstandings.

    • Deeper connection: By understanding and accepting each other’s emotions, couples can build a deeper, more intimate connection.

    • Conflict resolution: Emotional intelligence can help couples resolve conflicts more effectively, leading to a stronger and more resilient relationship.

    • Increased empathy: When both partners are emotionally intelligent, they can better understand and support each other, leading to a more compassionate and supportive relationship.

    Conclusion

    Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool for building a strong and healthy romantic relationship. By recognizing and managing your emotions, as well as understanding and supporting your partner’s emotions, you can create a deeper and more meaningful connection. Remember, emotional intelligence is not a natural talent, but rather a skill that can be developed through practice and effort. By incorporating the tips and strategies outlined in this article, you can cultivate a more emotionally intelligent relationship and build a stronger, more resilient bond with your partner.

    FAQs

    Q: What is emotional intelligence?
    A: Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and to use this awareness to guide your thoughts and actions.

    Q: Can emotional intelligence be developed?
    A: Yes, emotional intelligence is not a natural talent, but rather a skill that can be developed through practice and effort.

    Q: How do I improve my emotional intelligence?
    A: To improve your emotional intelligence, take time to reflect on your own emotions, practice active listening, and learn to manage your emotions in a healthy way.

    Q: What are some common benefits of emotional intelligence in a relationship?
    A: Emotional intelligence can improve communication, build a deeper connection, facilitate conflict resolution, and increase empathy in a relationship.