Tag: Difficult

  • The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    The Science and Practice of Staying Present Through Difficult Times

    Research suggests that when we turn towards pain and discomfort, we can experience less of it. Plus, Ed Halliwell offers a guided meditation for being mindful when things get tough.

    Research into mindfulness has shown the benefits of staying present, and of gently turning towards difficulty. Mindfulness-based relapse prevention (MBRP) trains people with addictive habits to manage their cravings mindfully by staying present to the sensations of craving, rather than trying to distract from them, avoid them or defeat them.

    The Science of Staying Present

    In a large trial of MBRP, mindfulness-trained patients drank and used drugs significantly less than those who were treated with cognitive-behavioural approaches, and a control group who attended twelve-step and psycho-education groups. The authors of the study conclude that mindfulness was the most successful approach, especially over the longer term, because it enabled patients to “monitor and skilfully cope with discomfort associated with craving or negative affect.” A similar study with smokers found that mindfulness training was more than five times as effective as a standard smoking cessation programme, as measured by abstinence from cigarettes after four months (31 per cent compared to 6 per cent). Another study has suggested that mindful people are more able to tolerate their own distress, rather than react in harmful ways.

    There are benefits to staying present with physical, as well as emotional, discomfort. Fadel Zeidan and colleagues suggest that meditation practice is associated with brain changes that indicate and reflect shifts in people’s experience of, and relationship with, pain. Meditators show decreased activity in the primary somatosensory cortex (an area of the brain involved in registering pain) and increased activity in three areas involved in the regulation of pain—the anterior insula, the anterior cingulate cortex and the pre-frontal cortex. When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases. They may not get so caught up in the negative stories and evasive reactions that tend to accompany pain but do nothing to stop it (and, indeed, may increase the mind’s perception of it). This may be why people with chronic conditions have reported reductions in pain after training in mindfulness, even though they still suffer from the illness.

    When gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases.

    As far back as 1971, Robert Wallace and Herbert Benson found that meditation reduced activity in the sympathetic nervous system, which controls the “fight or flight” reaction. More recently, attending a mindfulness course has been shown to reduce activity and grey matter volume in the amygdala—a key indicator of how strongly this reaction is triggered. With mindfulness training also comes a thickening in parts of the pre-frontal cortex—the region directly behind the forehead—which may be connected to a strengthening of the body’s capacity to regulate stress. Connections between the amygdala and other parts of the brain weaken after mindfulness training.

    One part of the pre-frontal cortex associated with stress regulation is the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). Poor ACC function tends to correlate with impulsive behaviour and mental inflexibility—which are both common among people who are under stress. Experienced meditators display more activity in the ACC, and better stress regulation. The capacity to self- manage during difficult situations may be trainable at a very young age. One study that tracked a group of pre-school children who attended a mindfulness programme over six months found that they were less impulsive (more able to regulate) than a group of children who did not receive the training.

    The Benefits of Leaning Into Discomfort

    Just the act of describing unpleasant experiences mindfully can have a positive effect on stress levels. In one study, people with a fear of spiders were asked to walk towards and try to touch a live tarantula. Some were invited to reassure themselves as they approached the spider, while others were advised to distract themselves from what they were trying to do. A third group was encouraged to acknowledge and turn towards their fear, saying something like: “I am frightened by the big ugly spider.” The members of this third group—those who openly stayed present to their fear— got closest to the tarantula, felt least upset by the experience, and had the least sweaty palms.

    Staying present to difficulties seems to have a significant impact on well-being. In Matt Killingsworth’s studies of wandering minds, he has found that people are less happy when their minds are distracted, even when they are engaged in an activity that we would usually describe as unpleasant. So, for instance, even though most people are not keen on commuting, they tend to be happier if their minds turn towards the experience of the journey rather than wander away from it. Other studies have suggested that setting oneself the goal of avoiding stress increases the long-term risk of depression. By contrast, if we view stress as a normal, helpful indicator—something we can handle and from which we can learn—rather than as something to eliminate, we are more likely to experience good health and emotional well-being.

    Try This 15-Minute Guided Mindfulness Meditation

    When you’ve established a stable foundation with mindfulness of breath and body you can experiment with turning towards difficulty.

    Sometimes our experience is painful and difficult. And there may be little or nothing we can do about the arising of the pain or difficulty. In these cases, we may be able to work with what’s happening skillfully by exploring our relationship to it. Most of us have a habitual pattern of turning away from problems or trying to get rid of unpleasant events. Unfortunately this often seems to increase our sense of stress, because if pain is already present, you can’t get rid of it by trying to run away from it. In mindfulness practice we gently experiment with reversing this habit by turning gently towards difficult experiences that come up in our meditation.

    This practice is usually best done in small doses at first. Preferably working with difficulties that aren’t likely to be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that you’re in charge of how you undertake this experiment. You can return to mindfulness of breathing as an anchor at any time or let go of this practice for a while if you need to, being kind to yourself.

    Note that this practice includes longer pauses of complete silence for reflection and presence. If you want more time, feel free to pause the recording as you go.

    1. Begin by settling into a dignified sitting posture. Upright, steady, grounded. Feeling the feet on the floor, bottom on the chair, spine erect shoulders dropped. Feel a sense of openness at the chest, muscles un-tensed, centered, feeling the breath in the belly. Attuning attention to sensations of the breath as it moves in and out. Being with the breath. Being in the body.
    2. And now expanding awareness to experience throughout the body. Being in the present moment with the body. Noticing what you find and allowing what’s here to be here. Especially noticing sensations in the body that are more unpleasant and difficult to be with. Maybe there’s an aching, throbbing, churning, or a tightening somewhere. There may be a physical or a more emotional tone to the sensations. If it feels helpful to label this for yourself, you could mentally say some words describing the experience: anger, pain, or restlessness, for example. Perhaps also noticing where in the body you’re feeling these tones of sensation and emotion.
    3. Now inviting you to experiment with gently taking your attention towards a region of more intense sensation. Turning towards the intensity. Being interested in the qualities of and changes in sensation from moment to moment. What increases or decreases in intensity are there? What shifts in location or texture? As best you can, staying with the direct experience of sensation and letting any thoughts about what’s happening or urges and impulses to react be held in kindly awareness in the background of the mind. Letting go of any need to try and get any kind of result here or for anything to have to change. Just gently turning towards what’s going on. And noticing what happens without an agenda. Riding the waves of experience, moment by moment.
    4. If you like you could offer a sense of breathing with the sensations, feeling them together with the rising and falling of the breath. Breathing in with sensations, breathing out with sensations.
    5. Noticing: are there any impulses to resist or pull away? Perhaps you find your attention drawn into thoughts. Rumination maybe or distraction. Maybe you find your thoughts trying to make sense of the difficulty or problem solving it or judge the success or failure of the practice by whether the intensity decreases or changes. As best you can, seeing if you can include these reactions in your noticing, allowing space for them to be experienced along with the sensations themselves—without having to buy into them or reject them.
    6. If it feels too much to be doing this it’s always okay to continue with or return to mindfulness of breathing or body or to stop practicing for a time. Gentleness is paramount here and there are no right or wrong things to happen when you try this. Just being interested in what does happen when you take your attention into a region of difficulty, moving towards it, letting the experience be observed and awareness without needing to do anything else.
    7. And experimenting now if this feels okay for you with breathing into the region of intensity. Opening further to the sensations on the in-breath and having a sense of softening on the out-breath, of letting go. This isn’t to try and change what’s happening but rather to offer a skillful relationship to it. Flowing with it. Offering space to it, allowing it. Breathing into the sensations on the in-breath, breathing out from them on the out-breath, softening, letting be, allowing.
    8. Staying present with the intensity only for as long as feels manageable for you right now. If you like you can gently move your attention away from and then back towards the intensity noticing what happens each time you work with redirecting your attention in and out. Inviting you to be like a scientist undertaking a laboratory experiment. Being interested in what happens rather than seeking a particular outcome. Coming back to mindfulness of breath or body as and when that feels right for you.
    This post was adapted from Into The Heart of Mindfulness, by Ed Halliwell, published by Piatkus). Download a set of 14 guided audio meditation practices from Ed’s books here.



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  • Calming Hands: A Mindfulness Practice for Kids to Ease Difficult Emotions

    Calming Hands: A Mindfulness Practice for Kids to Ease Difficult Emotions

    Try this creative, calming mindfulness practice for kids and families, designed to help ease difficult emotions and manage stress.

    Key Points:

    • When children feel anxious or overwhelmed, mindful breathing and counting can help them feel safe and calm.
    • Engaging in mindful activities together as a family strengthens connections and boosts emotional resilience.
    • Try this Calming Hands activity to help your child soothe strong emotions through breathing, counting, and making handprint art.

    Mindfulness can be fun, simple, and hands-on—literally! The Calming Hands practice, created and shared by Rose Felix Cratsley at Ivy Child International, introduces young children to mindful breathing through art and counting. This activity is perfect for caregivers and educators who want to help kids cultivate calm and focus playfully.

    Exploring this practice helps us connect with our bodies, our breath, and the calming energy of our hands. When we feel anxious, stressed, upset or overwhelmed, our hands can be a tool for bringing peace and relaxation. This practice can help you feel safe and calm, no matter what you’re going through.

    Scroll down to follow along with the guided audio of this practice!

    How to Adapt for Kids with Sensory Needs

    Children are encouraged to explore different textures such as soft fabric, smooth stones etc. while practicing the calming hands technique, allowing them to engage with their senses.

    Parental Hack

    This practice is most effective when caregivers model by practicing alongside children, reinforcing the idea that mindfulness is a family activity and ritual. This can help both kids and parents bond while building emotional resilience and their psychological immune system, together.

    Highlights and Benefits:

    • Introduction: Guides children to notice the sensations in their hands and introduces the concept of hands as calming tools.
    • Breathing Practice: Uses finger-by-finger breathing, teaching kids to inhale and exhale deeply while counting from 1 to 10.
    • Reflection: Encourages kids to observe how their hands and bodies feel after the practice, reinforcing self-awareness and relaxation.

    Calm and Creative: Make Art With Your Handprint

    The Calming Hands practice is best paired with an engaging art activity where kids trace or do handprints, decorate, and personalize their calming hands. By integrating creativity with this simple and engaging mindfulness practice, this activity becomes a lasting tool for emotional regulation and relaxation.

    What You’ll Need:

    • Paper (large enough for a handprint)
    • Non-toxic markers, crayons, or paint

    How to Practice Calming Hands:

    1. Make the Handprint: Invite your child to trace their hand onto the paper or create a painted handprint. Let them have fun choosing colors or decorating their hand outline—it’s part of the creative mindfulness process!
    2. Number the Fingers: Together, write numbers from 1 to 10 on the fingers, starting at the thumb and moving outward.
    3. Begin Mindful Breathing:
      • Encourage the child to place their real hand on top of their handprint.
      • Start at the thumb (1) and breathe in deeply, then exhale as you count out loud.
      • Move to the next finger (2), breathing in and out again.
      • Continue until all 10 fingers are complete.
    4. Repeat if Needed: If the child enjoys the exercise, they can trace back through the numbers or start again.

    Children and families can turn this mindfulness practice into a creative keepsake by tracing their hands, numbering their fingers, and decorating the artwork. This hands-on activity teaches kids to ease difficult emotions by providing a visual and tactile reminder of the breathing practice, making it easy for them to return to in stressful moments. Calming hands can be mounted on the fridge, bedroom door or even in the car as a tool to remind us all to count and breathe.

    Audio Practice: Use Your Hands to Explore Mindful Breathing

    By Rose Felix Cratsley

    Before starting the practice, find a blank piece of paper and something to draw with, like a marker or pencil.

    1. Step 1: Get Comfortable. Find a comfortable seat, either on the floor or in a chair, and sit tall like a strong tree. You can rest your hands gently on your lap, or place them in front of you. Let your shoulders relax, and your body feel soft. You are in a safe place.
    2. Step 2: Notice Your Hands. Take a moment to notice your hands. How do they feel? Are they warm or cool? Do they feel heavy or light? If you’re feeling nervous or anxious, that’s okay—just notice what’s happening in your hands without judgment. If you feel tense, give your hands a little shake and let the tension fall away.
    3. Step 3: Trace Your Hands. Now, we’re going to trace our hands to create a picture of calm. Place your hand on a piece of paper and trace around it with a pencil or marker. While you trace, feel your fingers, the palm of your hand, and the space between your fingers. Let each stroke of the marker be a reminder that you are safe and in control.

      As you trace your hands, know that you’re building something special. Your hands are your own calming tool, always available when you need to relax and feel grounded.

    4. Step 4: Breathe with Your Hands. Now that your hands are traced, we’re going to use them to help us breathe deeply. Each finger will guide us through one breath. We will count from 1 to 10, one number for each finger. With each number, we’ll take a slow, deep breath in and out.

      Start with your pinky and breathe in as you count “1.” Feel your chest and belly rise. Now, breathe out as you count “2.” Let the air flow out slowly and feel your body soften. Keep breathing slowly, one number for each finger. As you breathe in, feel your hands fill with calm. As you breathe out, feel your hands and body relax even more.

    5. Step 5: Focus on the Sensation. As you go through each number, pay close attention to how your hands feel. Do they feel warm, soft, or tingly? Notice any changes as you breathe. Imagine your breath flowing through your hands, bringing calmness to every part of your body.

      As your mind wanders, simply bring your attention back to your hands and your breath. Take your time, enjoying each breath as an opportunity to slow down and find peace.

    6. Step 6: Feel Grounded and Safe. Take a moment to reflect on how your body feels now. Does your body feel more relaxed? Do your hands feel more calm and steady? Remember, this practice helps us feel grounded—like our feet are firmly planted in the earth, and we are in control of our breath and emotions. Your hands can always be a source of calm. If you ever feel anxious or upset, you can come back to this practice, take a deep breath, and find peace through your hands.
    7. When you feel ready, come back to your day.  Take one more deep breath in, and gently breathe out. Slowly bring your awareness back to the space around you. You are calm, centered, and ready to face whatever comes next. You can always return to your calming hands whenever you need them.



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  • A 12-Minute Meditation to Meet Difficult Emotions With Compassion

    A 12-Minute Meditation to Meet Difficult Emotions With Compassion

    This guided meditation is a simple practice to help us navigate the ups and downs of everyday life challenges with a kind and open heart.

    Often when we’re struggling with challenging situations or emotions, the things that feel the most supportive aren’t complex techniques, but just simple, down-to-earth practices.

    In this podcast episode, teacher and leadership trainer Carley Hauck introduces a practice for working with difficult emotions that’s all about noticing the body and visualizing the support, care, and wisdom to stay present to the right-now experience. In a world that feels increasingly complex and uncertain, Carley’s guidance is like a gentle hand on the back, encouraging us to slow down and find calm amidst the chaos. She shows us how to face life’s challenges with a kind and open heart, reminding us that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.

    A Guided Meditation for Working With Difficult Emotions

    1. For this meditation, allow yourself to come into a comfortable sitting position. Feel your feet firmly planted on the floor. Notice your posture as you’re sitting. Allow your shoulders and your upper back to relax. 
    2. Begin to notice the rhythm of your breath as you breathe in and out. It may even be helpful to place one hand on your lower abdomen. And as you breathe in, you feel the stomach rise. And as you breathe out, you feel the stomach fall. 
    3. Start to notice the slowing down of your heart rate, of your blood pressure, allowing you to fully be here in this present moment
    4. Bring to mind a situation that occurred recently where you felt sadness or disappointment. It doesn’t need to be the most difficult experience, but just something moderately difficult so that you can practice. It may even be something that hasn’t happened yet, but that you are feeling sad, disappointed, or anxious about. 
    5. Turn your attention to the physical body. As you’re reflecting on this situation of sadness, what do you feel in the body right now? Is there tightness or tension behind the eyes? Is there a heaviness in the shoulders or your head? What are you aware of right now?
    6. With a compassionate curiosity, turn towards your experience. Everything is welcome right now. 
    7. If you find it difficult to be with what’s arising, that’s okay. Use the breath as a stabilizer, helping you to fully be here to whatever is arising and passing in the mind and the body and the heart. It might also help to name the feelings that are here for you, like sadness, loss, or disappointment. 
    8. If this feels comfortable for you, allow yourself to imagine a wise and loving figure who is cradling you. They have enveloped you with strong and loving arms. And they’re stroking your head and repeating, “It’s okay. I am here for you.” Let yourself take that in. Receive the support.
    9. If there’s anything else that you need to hear to really feel supported right now, allow that to come into your awareness. What words or gestures would feel most comforting and helpful? 
    10. Notice what’s happening in your physical body as you receive this support. Is there heaviness? Is there peace? Acceptance?
    11. When you’re feeling ready, you can thank this loving figure for its support and presence. You are centered, strong, resilient. And you are ready to meet the day. 
    12. When you feel ready, allow yourself to slowly transition back into your day—slowly open your eyes, feel your feet on the floor, notice your surroundings. Thank you for your practice today.

    Never Miss a Meditation

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  • A 12-Minute Meditation for Sending Compassion to a Difficult Person

    A 12-Minute Meditation for Sending Compassion to a Difficult Person

    When we dislike someone, it’s much harder to recognize their humanity. This guided meditation supports us in releasing tension in the body and cultivating compassion, even for a difficult person.

    No matter whether we seek to get along with everyone, or have been known to cherish a grudge or two, we all know of a person whom we disagree with or who challenges us in some way. When you bring this person to mind, what do you notice? You may feel physical tension, anxiety, or other unpleasant sensations in the body.

    In this meditation, Anu Gupta guides us in simple phrases of compassion and loving-kindness that allow us to remember: Just like me, this person is also human. Just like me, they have their own joys, desires, and struggles. Offering kind wishes to someone difficult is a powerful way to expand our circle of compassion. We don’t have to like them, but we can cultivate compassion for them by softening our resistance and acknowledging their humanity.

    A Guided Meditation for Sending Compassion to a Difficult Person

    1. Begin by settling into a comfortable seated posture, either on a cushion or a chair. Rest your feet on the ground below you. Place your hands on your knees or in your lap. Let your shoulders relax, your spine straight and relaxed, keep your chin parallel to the ground below you, and bring your eyes to a gentle close. 
    2. Bring your attention to your breath. Notice your inhales and your exhales. The breath is oftentimes a reflection of the mind. It’s just bringing awareness to the breath to settle the mind. 
    3. Notice if you’re holding any tension in any part of the body. Bring that to awareness and gently ask that body part to relax. Whether it’s your tongue, your shoulders, or your feet. Relax. Relax. Relax.
    4. As you breathe in and you breathe out, bring to mind a person you’ve had some difficulty with. It doesn’t have to be the worst person you know, or someone who’s caused you a lot of harm, but someone you dislike. Someone who’s challenging. Someone that brings up some sort of resistance in your body. It could be a public figure. It could be someone you know. 
    5. Let yourself feel what it’s like to be in that person’s presence. Bring to attention any tension, dislike, or disgust that may arise because you’ve brought this person’s image in your mind. Just notice it, noticing these unpleasant sensations. But also remember that just like you, this person is also a human. Just like you, this person was also a baby at some point. Just like you, this person is also subject to sickness, to old age and to death. 
    6. Now, imagine this person as a baby. And now offer this difficult person some words of kindness. Just like me, you’re human. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.
    7. Repeat these phrases of compassion for this difficult person over and over again. Notice the discomfort if it arises. Notice the resistance. And then say to the resistance, Just like me, you’re human. Just like me, you’re human. May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be healthy. May you live with ease. Keep repeating these phrases for as long as you like. 
    8. After your next exhale, bring your chin to your chest, stretching the back of your neck. Thank you for your practice today.



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