Health Journal Online

Tag: Curiosity

  • Building Self-Compassion for Failure in the Creative Process

    Building Self-Compassion for Failure in the Creative Process

    Have you ever found that on some days, no matter how good your intentions, you just can’t manage to get around to doing what you said you most wanted to do?

    No matter what we’re trying to do—say, establish a new habit such as meditation, exercising more often, eating more healthfully, or diving into a new creative hobby—there will be days when life gets in the way. We may feel too tired; some emergency might arise; or we might simply forget to do what we had very good intentions of doing.

    It’s exactly in these moments of failure that we need to offer ourselves some self-compassion. In fact, the whole creative process needs to be a compassionate one. 

    The compassionate road to creativity

    One of the keys to creativity is testing different solutions to a problem—that is, iterating on the solutions and the design that you’ve come up with. Simply put, this means the first few attempts we make are not necessarily going to be the end result. There will be moments of failure, and this is part of the creative process.

    To pick ourselves up after a moment of failure (or perceived failure) and carry on, we need to offer ourselves some self-compassion, and it’s our mindfulness practice that can help us build that.

    Self-compassion for failure simply means turning the lens of compassion back onto ourselves.

    What do we mean by “self-compassion for failure”?

    It simply means turning the lens of compassion back onto ourselves. That is, recognizing our own moments of stress and suffering and being motivated in those moments to come up with a solution to alleviate our stress and suffering. There’s a great deal of scientific evidence now that shows how self-compassion builds motivation: people who are self-compassionate tend to navigate failure better and tend to stick with behavior changes and habits they originally set out to change or establish. 

    Acknowledge, Admit, Accept

    Here’s a three-step process of self-compassion, as outlined by one of the premier researchers in this field, Kristen Neff. This three-step process consists of, first, offering ourselves a moment of mindfulness.

    When we’re feeling a sense of failure or feeling inadequate, or even navigating the stress that arises when we feel things are out of our control—we take a moment in there to acknowledge the facts, admit we don’t like those facts, but accept the way things are. The key things to remember is not to get caught up in the narrative or story about what’s happening and not to suppress any difficult emotions that may come up. We’re simply acknowledging that this moment is stressful. 

    The second step is to connect with our sense of common humanity. Take a moment to acknowledge that no matter what we might be going through, there are many other people just like us who’ve encountered the same difficulty. So, we’re not alone—this kind of failure or this kind of stress is just part of the human condition. This is not only true, it can help us feel less isolated in moments of imperfection. It’s a little easier to foster a sense of self-compassion for failure when we know we are never alone.  

    The third step is offering ourselves some kindness. Consider what you might say to a best friend if they were going through what you might be going through in this moment of stress. 

    A Simple Practice to Foster Self-Compassion for Failure

    Let’s try this model of self-compassion through a practice, keeping a creative goal in mind as we go. Here’s also a guided audio version with Dr. Neff if you’d like to listen instead:

    1. I invite you to sit up in a way that’s alert yet relaxed and close your eyes. Make sure both your feet are planted firmly on the floor to help stabilize you and ensure your back is straight but not rigid. Allow the front of your belly to be soft. You may rest your hands gently on your lap. 

     2. Let’s start by bringing to mind something in your life that’s not going well. Maybe it’s a creative goal you’ve been working on that hasn’t gone according to plan. Maybe you’ve encountered some kind of failure at work or at home. Or maybe you’re just dealing with a painful situation that’s beyond your control. 

    3. Keeping this situation in mind, let’s start the process of self-compassion with mindfulness: Take a moment to acknowledge things as they are, not as you wish them to be. Take this moment to acknowledge things exactly as they are. 

    4. You might say something like, “This is a moment of stress,” or, “I don’t like this, but this is the way it is right now.” Keep in mind we’re not trying to problem solve. We’re also not getting caught up in the story around the pain and stress. We’re simply staying present to what’s happening. 

    5. Next, bring to mind the fact that no matter what you’re going through, there have been many people who’ve been through the same experience before. You might say something like, “I’m not alone in this,” or, “This is simply a part of being human.” 

    6. And now I’d like you to offer yourself some kindness. If this were your best friend or a loved one who was going through what you’re going through, what might you say to them? What advice might you offer? 

    7. As you offer yourself the same kind of unconditional love and friendliness, I want you to send yourself a few wishes of well-being: May I be kind to myself. May I be patient and accepting of myself. May I be strong and resilient in this moment. 

    8. From this place of greater warmth and kindness for yourself, I’d like you to take a couple of deeper breaths at your own pace. And whenever you’re ready, open your eyes and rejoin this conversation. 

    Not Just Nice, But Essential

    One thing that consistently stands out about Neff’s extensive research is this counterintuitive find: without self-compassion, it’s actually harder to change, heal, and grow. And that includes our creative endeavors.

    We tend to think that being hard on ourselves will motivate us to do better—but it in reality, the opposite is true. Relentless self-criticism diminishes not only our enjoyment of the creative process, but also our ability to see into new possibilities. That fear of “not getting it right” stunts our creativity.

    When we take the time to slow down, pay attention to our sense of “not-enough” in creative process, and offer that fear a little extra care, we’re actually holding the door open wider to fresh ideas, inspiration, and creative courage.



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  • A 2-Minute Practice to Calm Anxiety and Nurture Curiosity

    A 2-Minute Practice to Calm Anxiety and Nurture Curiosity

    Anxiety often contributes to keeping us stuck in habits we don’t want. This mindfulness practice lets us soothe racing thoughts by letting us tune in to embodied awareness.

    Over the years, as I’ve studied how habits work in the brain and the ways in which mindfulness can help, I’ve found that curiosity is a simple tool that helps people—regardless of language, culture and background—drop directly into their embodied experience. Curiosity lets us tap into our natural capacity for wonder and interest, putting us right in that sweet spot of openness and engagement. From this state of mind, we’re more empowered to help ourselves break old habits and build new ones.  

    Let me walk you through a simple curiosity exercise. Doing this 2-minute practice can work as a kind of panic button for when anxiety hits. 

    Step 1: 

    Find a quiet comfortable place. You can be sitting, lying down or standing up; you just need to be able to concentrate without being distracted.

    Step 2: 

    Recall your most recent run-in or incident with a habit loop, which is any habit you find yourself returning to whenever you’re worried or anxious.

    See if you can remember the scene and relive that experience, focusing on what you felt right at the time when you were about to act out your habitual behavior. What did that urge to go ahead and “do it” feel like?

    Step 3: 

    Check in with your body. What sensation can you feel most strongly right now?

    Here’s a list of single words or phrases to choose from. Pick only one—the one you feel most strongly:

    • Tightness
    • Pressure
    • Contraction
    • Restlessness
    • Shallow breath
    • Burning
    • Tension
    • Clenching
    • Heat
    • Pit in stomach
    • Buzzing/vibration

    Step 4: 

    Notice where this sensation is in your body. Is it more on the right side or the left? In the front, middle, or back of your body? Where do you feel it most strongly?

    And was there anything you noticed about being curious about what part of your body you felt the sensation in? Did being a little curious help with getting closer to this sensation?

    Step 5: 

    Explore what else you can feel in your body. If the sensation is still there in your body, see if you can get curious and notice what else is there. Are there other sensations you’re feeling? What happens when you get curious about them? Do they change? What happens when you get really curious about what they feel like?

    Step 6: 

    Follow them over the next 30 seconds—not trying to do anything to or about them—but simply observing them. Do they change at all when you observe them with an attitude of curiosity?

    Whenever I do this exercise, I like to use the sound “Hmmmm”—as in, the hmm you naturally emit when you’re curious about something (and not to be confused with the traditional mantra “Om”). I find saying “hmm” to myself gets me out of my head and into a direct experience of being curious. It also allows me to bring a playful, even joyful attitude to what I’m doing; it is hard to take yourself too seriously when you are hmm-ing.

    This short exercise is just intended to give you a taste of curiosity and to support your natural capacity to be aware about what is happening in your body and your mind at any moment instead of getting caught up in a habit loop. If you notice that by being curious you gained even a microsecond more of being with your thoughts, emotions and body sensations than you have in the past, then you’ve taken a huge step forward.

    Sometimes I get the question “What happens if I’m not curious?” My response is to use the sound of “hmmm” to drop right into your experience. Ask yourself: “Hmm, what does it feel like not to be curious?”

    This helps people move from their thinking, fix-it mind state into a curious awareness of their direct sensations and emotions in their bodies and move out of their thinking heads and into their feeling bodies.

    Find more information and science-backed practices for working with your anxiety in the Unwinding Anxiety app.

    Unwinding Your Anxiety Habit Loop 

    Coping with anxiety is difficult, but we can begin to untangle our anxious loops when we recognize how they show up in our daily activities.
    Read More 

    • Kira M. Newman
    • February 28, 2024



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  • Let Curiosity Lead the Way With A 12-Minute Meditation

    Let Curiosity Lead the Way With A 12-Minute Meditation

    When we allow what is to simply be, we relieve ourselves of the suffering that can get heaped on top of our moments of difficulty. Frank Ostaseski leads this meditation to let curiosity lead the way.

    A lot of times we use languages like enlightenment or liberation or awakening. These terms feel far off and distant to me, like we’re trying to achieve something supernatural or transformative in our lives. I think meditation practice is about learning to become intimate—intimate with ourselves, with every aspect of life. Then we can bring the healing power of loving awareness to what scares us, what’s sad for us, and what feels raw for us. I prefer the word intimacy because it expresses a wish to come closer—to know that we already belong, that we’re not separate. 

    To me, intimacy expresses what liberation actually feels like: relaxed, easeful, ordinary, in a way. Liberation isn’t found someplace else. It’s found right here. That’s why one teaching says the path is right beneath your feet. When we look into the mind’s conditioning, in a close and personal way, we begin to understand the ways that we cause ourselves suffering—and that’s the real freedom of meditation. It isn’t about helping us to transcend or get out of our experience. It’s about learning to know our experiences intimately. 

    When we look into the mind’s conditioning, in a close and personal way, we begin to understand the ways that we cause ourselves suffering—and that’s the real freedom of meditation.

    To love the past is simply a memory, and to love the future is just a fantasy. The only place we can love, the only place we can really be aware, is right here, in this present moment. Intimacy connects us with each other with a deep sense of belonging. And with this belonging, we know that we’re not separate anymore. And this helps us to move beyond our small story of a limited sense of self. 

    Meditation, like love, is intimate, and this intimacy is the condition of deepest learning. Mindfulness and compassion are the least expensive, most available, and most appropriate tool we can use in just about every situation in our lives. But sadly, often they’re viewed as inappropriate or even shelved for some other time. And I think, as a result, a lot of us live and work in a great deal of fear and distress. And I think we can do something about that.

    A 12-Minute Meditation to Let Curiosity Lead the Way

    1. Let’s begin really simply: Just pause. A pause is an opportunity not to be swept away by the habit of our lives. A pause is an opportunity to remember who we actually are. A pause is a way of bringing our mind, heart, and body, collecting it all into the present moment. So let’s just pause. No hurry. 
    2. Now, relax. See how little effort is required just to hear the sound of my voice. Relaxing body, heart, and mind—mindfulness emerges much more easily in a relaxed mind, heart, and body. So, pause. And relax.
    3. Now, open. A Characteristic of an open mind is spaciousness infused with interest. Open. You’ll be open for just a moment, liberating yourself from any limiting ideas about who you are and what you think is possible. Can your curiosity be greater than your criticality? Open. So, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. 
    4. And now, allow. Allowing takes us beyond accepting and rejecting altogether—beyond hope and fear. Just rest in a moment of allowing. There’s no one special to be, nothing special to do, no place special to go. It’s resting in allowing, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. And allow.
    5. And now, become intimate. This is a kind of communion with your experience, or willingness to enter the immediacy of your life. It’s a kind of fearless receptivity—a willingness to welcome everything and push away nothing—nothing between you and your experience: no subject and object; no I and other. Just intimacy. So, again and again: Pause. Relax. Open. Allow. Become intimate. 
    6. Pause. Relax. Open. Allow. Become intimate. 



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